Megan Washington: Why I live in mortal dread of public speaking

翻译人员: chunhua zhang 校对人员: Bighead Ge

I didn't know when I agreed to do this

当我答应来到这个舞台时我不知道

whether I was expected to talk or to sing.

他们是想让我演讲还是演唱。

But when I was told that the topic was language,

但是当他们告诉我今天的主题是关于语言时，

I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.

我觉得必须说点什么。

I have a problem.

我有一个小毛病。

It's not the worst thing in the world.

但这不是世界上最糟糕的事情。

I'm fine.

我很好。

I'm not on fire.

我没有身陷火海。

I know that other people in the world

我知道世界上的其他人

have far worse things to deal with,

还有更糟糕的事情要去应付，

but for me, language and music are

但是对我来说，语言和音乐

inextricably linked through this one thing.

通过这件事变得密不可分。

And the thing is that I have a stutter.

这件事就是我有口吃。

It might seem curious given that I spend

考虑到我生命中的许多时光都花在了舞台上，

a lot of my life on the stage.

口吃这件事似乎有点奇怪。

One would assume that I'm comfortable

有人可能会认为呆在公共空间会使

in the public sphere and comfortable here,

我感到很舒适，在这里与你们谈话

speaking to you guys.

会使我感觉很自在。

But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point

但事实是，在我的生命中直到此刻，

and including this point, living in mortal dread

甚至包括此刻，我都一直生活在

对公共演讲的致命恐惧中。

of public speaking.

Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)

但公开演唱，又完全是另外一回事。（笑声）

But we'll get to that in a moment.

但是我们很快就会进入那种状态。

I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.

以前我从来没有真正这么坦率地谈论我的口吃问题。

I think that that's because I've always lived in hope

我觉得那是因为我一直生活在那种

that when I was a grown-up,

当我长大了就不会再口吃了

I wouldn't have one.

的希望中。

I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,

我曾经梦想过，当我长大了

I'll have learned to speak French,

我会学会法语；

and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money,

当我长大了，我会学会管理我的钱财；

and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,

以及当我长大了，我不会再有口吃，

and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister

然后我能公开地演讲，也可能成为总理，

and anything's possible and, you know.

并且一切皆有可能，你知道的。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I can talk about it now

因此我现在能够谈论它

because I've reached this point, where —

是因为我已经到了这个阶段——

I mean, I'm 28.

我的意思是，我28岁了。

I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.

我非常肯定我已经长大了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I'm an adult woman

我现在一个成年女性，

who spends her life as a performer,

一个有言语障碍

with a speech impediment.

的歌手。

So, I might as well come clean about it.

所以，我应该最好将它全盘托出。

There are some interesting angles to having a stutter.

其实可以从几个有趣的角度去看待口吃。

For me, the worst thing that can happen

对我来说，最糟糕的事

is meeting another stutterer.

就是碰见另一个口吃者。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

This happened to me in Hamburg, when

这种事情在汉堡发生过，

this guy, we met and he said,

当我见到那个人后他说

"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"

：“你好，我……我……我……叫Joe，”

and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."

然后我说:"你好，我……我……我叫Meg。“

Imagine my horror when I realized

想像一下当我意识到他认为我在取笑他时

he thought I was making fun of him.

我是多么恐惧。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

People think I'm drunk all the time.

人们总是以为我喝醉了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

People think that I've forgotten their name

当我在说出别人的名字之前犹豫一下时，

when I hesitate before saying it.

他们会认为我想不起来他们的名字了。

And it is a very weird thing, because

这是一件非常奇怪的事，因为

proper nouns are the worst.

专有名词对我来说是最难的。

If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence,

如果我打算在一个句子中使用“星期三”这个词，

and I'm coming up to the word,

然后当我即将说到这个词时，

and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,

我预料到我将会结巴或者别的情况，

I can change the word to "tomorrow,"

我可以将“星期三”替换成“明天”，

or "the day after Tuesday,"

或者“星期二之后的一天”

or something else.

或其它诸如此类的。

It's clunky, but you can get away with it,

这是一个笨拙的办法，但是却可以帮我摆脱口吃，

because over time I've developed this

因为随着时间的推移，我已经进化出了那种

loophole method of using speech

在最后关头

where right at the last minute you

找到替换词语

change the thing and you trick your brain.

并且骗过大脑的能力。

But with people's names, you can't change them.

但是对于人名，你不可能找到替换词。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

When I was singing a lot of jazz,

当我唱爵士乐的时候

I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.

我经常跟一个叫Steve的钢琴师一起工作。

As you can probably gather,

正如你们可能注意到的那样，

S's and T's, together or independently,

S和T的发音，不管是分开的还是连在一起的，

are my kryptonite.

都是我的克星。

But I would have to introduce the band

但是在摇滚演奏的过程中

over this rolling vamp,

我不得不介绍乐队成员，

and when I got around to Steve,

当介绍到Steve时，

I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."

我经常发现自己卡在了"St"的发音上。

And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe.

这会使我很尴尬很难受，并且气氛也被完全破坏掉了。

So after a few instances of this,

因此经过几次这样的事之后，

Steve happily became "Seve,"

Steve愉快地变成了“Seve，”

and we got through it that way. (Laughter)

我们用这种方式解决了问题。（笑声）

I've had a lot of therapy,

我接受过很多治疗，

and a common form of treatment is to use

最常见的是一种

this technique that's called smooth speech,

叫做流畅说话的疗法，

which is where you almost sing everything that you say.

即用几乎像唱歌一样的调子去说话。

You kind of join everything together in this

你相当于要将所有的事情与

very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,

这种单调的、幼儿园老师使用的方法结合，

and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium,

然后它会使你的声音听起来很平静，就像吃了很多安定片一样，

and everything is calm. (Laughter)

一切听起来都是冰冷的。（笑声）

That's not actually me.

那不是真实的我。

And I do use that. I do.

但我得这样做。我得。

I use it when I have to be on panel shows,

当我不得不参加电视讨论节目时我会使用这种方法，

or when I have to do radio interviews,

或者当我不得不参加电台访谈时，

when the economy of airtime is paramount.

当说话时间的经济性至关重要时。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I get through it that way for my job.

我用这种方法搞定工作。

But as an artist who feels that their work

但是作为一个觉得自己的工作

is based solely on a platform of honesty

是完全基于诚实和真实的平台上

and being real,

的艺术家，

that feels often like cheating.

那种方法经常感觉像是欺骗。

Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you

这就是为什么在我演唱之前，我想要告诉你们

what singing means to me.

歌唱对我来说意味着什么。

It's more than making nice sounds,

它不仅仅是发出动听的声音，

and it's more than making nice songs.

也不仅仅是唱出好听的歌。

It's more than feeling known, or understood.

它不仅仅是感受已知，或理解。

It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.

它不仅仅是使你感受到我的感受。

It's not about mythology,

它不是神话，

or mythologizing myself to you.

或者把我自己当作神话。

Somehow, through some miraculous

不知为何，通过一些奇迹般的

synaptic function of the human brain,

人类大脑的突触功能，

it's impossible to stutter when you sing.

当你歌唱的时候不可能口吃。

And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment

在我小时候，有种治疗方法

that worked very well for me,

就对我很管用，

singing, so I did it a lot.

那就是唱歌，所以我经常唱。

And that's why I'm here today.

这也是我今天在这里的原因。

(Applause)

（掌声）

Thank you.

谢谢。

Singing for me is sweet relief.

歌唱对我来说一种甜蜜的释放。

It is the only time when I feel fluent.

那是我唯一能够流利表达的时候。

It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth

那是唯一的从我嘴里出来的东西

is comprehensively exactly what I intended.

是完完全全我想要说的东西的时候。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I know that this is a TED Talk,

我知道这是TED演讲，

but now i'm going to TED sing.

但是我将要进行TED演唱。

This is a song that I wrote last year.

这是我去年写的一首歌。

Thank you very much. Thank you.

非常感你们。谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）

(Piano)

（钢琴）

♪ I would be a beauty ♪

♪我想成为美人♪

♪ but my nose ♪

♪但是我的鼻子♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪对我的脸来说♪

♪ for my face ♪

♪稍微有点大♪

♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪

♪我想成为梦想家♪

♪ but my dream ♪

♪但是我的梦想♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪对这个空间来说♪

♪ for this space ♪

♪稍微有点大♪

♪ And I would be an angel ♪

♪我想成为天使♪

♪ but my halo ♪

♪但是我的光环♪

♪ it pales in the glow ♪

♪在你的光芒下♪

♪ of your grace ♪

♪显得有点苍白♪

♪ And I would be a joker ♪

♪我想成为王牌♪

♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪

♪但是当你出A时♪

♪ your ace ♪

♪这张牌会看起来有点傻♪

♪ I'd like to know ♪

♪我想要知道♪

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪地狱里是否有星星？♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪我还想知道♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪知道你是否可以告诉我♪

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪你使我失去了一切 我知道♪

♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪我无法选择或者放手♪

♪ And I'd stay forever ♪

♪我想永远留下来♪

♪ but my home ♪

♪但是我的家♪

♪ is slightly too far ♪

♪离这里♪

♪ from this place ♪

♪有点远♪

♪ And I swear I tried to ♪

♪我发誓当我♪

♪ slow it down ♪

♪踏着你的脚印前行时♪

♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪

♪我试过放慢脚步♪

♪ But all I could think ♪

♪但所有我能想到的是♪

♪ idling through the cities ♪

♪在城市中闲逛♪

♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪

♪我在雨中看起来漂亮吗？♪

♪ And I don't know how someone ♪

♪我不知道怎会有人♪

♪ quite so lovely ♪

♪如此可爱♪

♪ makes me feel ugly ♪

♪使我感到丑陋♪

♪ So much shame ♪

♪多么地羞愧♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪我也想知道♪

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪地狱里是否有星星？♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪我还想知道♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪知道你是否可以告诉我♪

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪你使我失去了一切 我知道♪

♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪我无法选择或者放手♪

Thank you very much. (Applause)

非常感谢。（掌声）