Megan Washington: Why I live in mortal dread of public speaking

Prevoditelj: Ivan Stamenković Recezent: Ivona Papa

I didn't know when I agreed to do this

Kada sam pristala na ovo, nisam znala

whether I was expected to talk or to sing.

očekuje li se od mene da govorim ili da pjevam.

But when I was told that the topic was language,

Ali kad su mi rekli da je tema jezik,

I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.

shvatila sam da moram govoriti o nečemu, barem na kratko.

I have a problem.

Imam problem.

It's not the worst thing in the world.

Nije to najgora stvar na svijetu.

I'm fine.

Dobro sam.

I'm not on fire.

Nisam se zapalila.

I know that other people in the world

Znam da se neki drugi ljudi u svijetu

have far worse things to deal with,

moraju nositi s mnogo gorim stvarima,

but for me, language and music are

ali za mene su jezik i glazba

inextricably linked through this one thing.

nerazdvojivo vezani u toj jednoj stvari.

And the thing is that I have a stutter.

Stvar je u tome što mucam.

It might seem curious given that I spend

Možda vam se to čini zanimljivim s obzirom da provodim

a lot of my life on the stage.

veliki dio svog života na pozornici.

One would assume that I'm comfortable

Netko bi pretpostavio da mi je ugodno

in the public sphere and comfortable here,

u javnoj sferi i ugodno ovdje,

speaking to you guys.

pričajući s vama.

But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point

Ali istina je ta da sam život do ovog trena,

and including this point, living in mortal dread

i u ovom trenu, provela živeći u smrtnom strahu

of public speaking.

od javnog govora.

Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)

Javno pjevanje, skroz druga stvar. (Smijeh)

But we'll get to that in a moment.

Ali do toga ćemo doći za trenutak.

I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.

Nikad prije zapravo nisam pričala

o tome tako otvoreno.

Mislim da je to zato što sam uvijek živjela u nadi

I think that that's because I've always lived in hope

that when I was a grown-up,

da kad budem odrasla,

I wouldn't have one.

neću imati taj strah.

I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,

Živjela sam zamišljajući da ću kada odrastem,

I'll have learned to speak French,

naučiti pričati francuski,

and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money,

i kad narastem, znat ću upravljati novcem,

and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,

i kada narastem, neću mucati,

and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister

i onda ću moći pričati u javnosti

and anything's possible and, you know.

i možda biti premijer

i sve je moguće, znate.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So I can talk about it now

Tako da o tome mogu sada pričati

because I've reached this point, where —

jer sam dosegla ovu točku, gdje —

I mean, I'm 28.

mislim, imam 28 godina.

I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.

Sigurna sam da sam sad odrasla.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And I'm an adult woman

I odrasla sam žena

who spends her life as a performer,

koja provodi vrijeme kao izvođač,

with a speech impediment.

s govornom manom.

So, I might as well come clean about it.

Tako da mogu barem biti iskrena oko toga.

There are some interesting angles to having a stutter.

Postoje zanimljiva gledišta kada mucate.

For me, the worst thing that can happen

Za mene, najgora stvar koja se može dogoditi

is meeting another stutterer.

je upoznati drugu osobu koja muca.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

This happened to me in Hamburg, when

To mi se dogodilo u Hamburgu,

this guy, we met and he said,

kad je ovaj tip - upoznali smo se i rekao je,

"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"

"Zdravo, m-m-m-moje ime je Joe,"

and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."

i ja kažem, "O, zdravo, m-m-moje ime je Meg."

Imagine my horror when I realized

Zamislite moj užas kad sam shvatila

he thought I was making fun of him.

da misli da ga ismijavam.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

People think I'm drunk all the time.

Ljudi stalno misle da sam pijana.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

People think that I've forgotten their name

Ljudi misle da sam im zaboravila ime

when I hesitate before saying it.

kad oklijevam prije nego ga kažem.

And it is a very weird thing, because

I to je vrlo čudno,

proper nouns are the worst.

jer vlastite imenice su najgore.

If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence,

Ako ću koristiti riječ "srijeda" u rečenici,

and I'm coming up to the word,

i dolazim do te riječi,

and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,

i osjećam da ću zamucati ili nešto,

I can change the word to "tomorrow,"

mogu promijeniti tu riječ u "sutra,"

or "the day after Tuesday,"

ili "dan poslije utorka,"

or something else.

ili nešto drugo.

It's clunky, but you can get away with it,

Nezgodno je, ali možete se s tim izvući.

because over time I've developed this

S vremenom sam razvila

zaobilaznu metodu korištenja govora

loophole method of using speech

where right at the last minute you

gdje sve do zadnjeg trena možete

change the thing and you trick your brain.

promijeniti stvar i prevariti mozak.

But with people's names, you can't change them.

Ali imena ljudi, ne možete ih mijenjati.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

When I was singing a lot of jazz,

Kad sam puno pjevala jazz,

I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.

radila sam s puno pijanista koji su se zvali Steve.

As you can probably gather,

Vjerojatno možete zamisliti,

S's and T's, together or independently,

S i T, zajedno ili odvojeno,

are my kryptonite.

moj su kriptonit.

But I would have to introduce the band

Ali, morala sam predstaviti bend

over this rolling vamp,

tijekom uvodne glazbe,

and when I got around to Steve,

i kad bih došla do Steve,

I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."

često bih stala na "St."

And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe.

Bilo je pomalo neugodno i nespretno i to totalno ubije vibru.

So after a few instances of this,

Nakon nekoliko ovakvih slučajeva,

Steve happily became "Seve,"

Steve je rado postao "Seve,"

and we got through it that way. (Laughter)

i tako smo to svladali. (Smijeh)

I've had a lot of therapy,

Bila sam na puno terapija,

and a common form of treatment is to use

i uobičajeni način tretiranja je

this technique that's called smooth speech,

koristiti tehniku koja se zove glatki govor,

which is where you almost sing everything that you say.

a to je kada gotovo pjevate sve što govorite.

You kind of join everything together in this

Nekako pridružite sve skupa na ovaj

very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,

pjevni način, poput učiteljice u vrtiću,

and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium,

tako da zvučite vrlo smireno, kao da ste uzeli puno Valiuma,

and everything is calm. (Laughter)

i sve je mirno. (Smijeh)

That's not actually me.

To zapravo nisam ja.

And I do use that. I do.

I koristim to. Koristim.

I use it when I have to be on panel shows,

Činim to kad moram biti za govornicom,

or when I have to do radio interviews,

ili kad moram dati intervju na radiju,

when the economy of airtime is paramount.

kada je upravljanje trajanjem programa najvažnije.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I get through it that way for my job.

Tako to nadilazim zbog posla.

But as an artist who feels that their work

Ali kao umjetnik koji osjeća da se njen rad

is based solely on a platform of honesty

temelji samo na platformi iskrenosti

and being real,

i stvarnosti,

that feels often like cheating.

to se često čini kao varanje.

Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you

Zbog toga, prije nego zapjevam,

želim vam reći što pjevanje za mene znači.

what singing means to me.

It's more than making nice sounds,

Više je od pravljenja lijepih zvukova,

and it's more than making nice songs.

i više je od stvaranja lijepih pjesama.

It's more than feeling known, or understood.

Više je od toga da se osjećate poznato, ili da vas razumiju.

It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.

Više je od toga da osjećate stvari koje ja osjećam.

It's not about mythology,

Ne radi se o mitologiji,

or mythologizing myself to you.

ili mitologizaciji mene vama.

Somehow, through some miraculous

Nekako, kroz neku čudesnu

synaptic function of the human brain,

sinaptičku funkciju ljudskog mozga,

it's impossible to stutter when you sing.

nemoguće je mucati kad pjevate.

And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment

Kad sam bila mlađa, to je bila metoda liječanja

that worked very well for me,

koja je bila vrlo uspješna na meni,

singing, so I did it a lot.

pjevanje, tako da sam puno pjevala.

And that's why I'm here today.

I zato sam danas ovdje.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

Singing for me is sweet relief.

Pjevanje je za mene slatko olakšanje.

It is the only time when I feel fluent.

To je jedini trenutak kada se osjećam tečno.

It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth

To je jedini trenutak kad ono što izlazi iz mojih usta

is comprehensively exactly what I intended.

je točno ono što sam htjela reći.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So I know that this is a TED Talk,

Znam da je ovo TED govor,

but now i'm going to TED sing.

ali ja ću sad TED pjevati.

This is a song that I wrote last year.

Ovu pjesmu sam napisala lani.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Hvala vam puno. Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

(Piano)

(Glasovir)

♪ I would be a beauty ♪

♪ Bila bih ljepotica ♪

♪ but my nose ♪

♪ ali moj nos ♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪ je malo prevelik ♪

♪ for my face ♪

♪ za moje lice ♪

♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪

♪ I bila bih sanjar ♪

♪ but my dream ♪

♪ ali moji snovi ♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪ su malo preveliki ♪

♪ for this space ♪

♪ za ovaj prostor ♪

♪ And I would be an angel ♪

♪ I bila bih anđeo ♪

♪ but my halo ♪

♪ ali moja aureola ♪

♪ it pales in the glow ♪

♪ blijedi u sjaju ♪

♪ of your grace ♪

♪ tvoje milosti ♪

♪ And I would be a joker ♪

♪ I bila bih džoker ♪

♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪

♪ ali ta karta izgleda blesavo kad odigraš ♪

♪ your ace ♪

♪ svoj adut ♪

♪ I'd like to know ♪

♪ Voljela bih znati ♪

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪ Ima li zvijezda u paklu? ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ I voljela bih znati ♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪ znati možeš li primjetiti ♪

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪ da zbog tebe gubim sve što znam ♪

♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪ Da ne mogu odabrati pustiti ili ne ♪

♪ And I'd stay forever ♪

♪ I ostala bih zauvijek ♪

♪ but my home ♪

♪ ali moj dom ♪

♪ is slightly too far ♪

♪ je malo predaleko ♪

♪ from this place ♪

♪ od ovog mjesta ♪

♪ And I swear I tried to ♪

♪ I kunem se da sam pokušala ♪

♪ slow it down ♪

♪ usporiti ♪

♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪

♪ kada hodam uz tvoj korak♪

♪ But all I could think ♪

♪ Ali sve o čem sam mogla misliti ♪

♪ idling through the cities ♪

♪ mirujući kroz gradove ♪

♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪

♪ izgledam li lijepo na kiši? ♪

♪ And I don't know how someone ♪

♪ I ne znam kako zbog nekog♪

♪ quite so lovely ♪

♪ tako ljupkog ♪

♪ makes me feel ugly ♪

♪ se osjećam ružnom ♪

♪ So much shame ♪

♪ Toliko srama ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ I željela bih znati ♪

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪ Ima li zvijezda u paklu? ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ I željela bih znati ♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪ znati možeš li primjetiti ♪

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪ da zbog tebe gubim sve što znam ♪

♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪ da ne mogu odabrati pustiti ili ne ♪

Thank you very much. (Applause)

Hvala vam puno. (Pljesak)