Megan Washington: Why I live in mortal dread of public speaking

Translator: Dewi Barnas Reviewer: Laksmi Wijayanti

I didn't know when I agreed to do this

Ketika saya setuju tampil di sini,

whether I was expected to talk or to sing.

saya tidak tahu apakah saya

diminta untuk berbicara atau menyanyi.

Tapi ketika saya diberitahu

But when I was told that the topic was language,

topiknya adalah tentang bahasa,

I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.

saya merasa saya harus berbicara untuk beberapa saat.

I have a problem.

Saya punya masalah.

It's not the worst thing in the world.

Ini bukan masalah terburuk di dunia.

I'm fine.

Saya baik-baik saja.

I'm not on fire.

Saya tidak sedang diujung tanduk.

I know that other people in the world

Saya tahu bahwa banyak orang lain di dunia

have far worse things to deal with,

punya masalah-masalah yang lebih berat,

but for me, language and music are

tapi bagi saya, bahasa dan musik

inextricably linked through this one thing.

berhubungan erat dengan masalah ini.

And the thing is that I have a stutter.

Masalahnya, saya seorang yang gagap.

It might seem curious given that I spend

Mungkin ini terdengar aneh karena

a lot of my life on the stage.

saya sering berada di atas panggung.

One would assume that I'm comfortable

Orang lain akan mengira bahwa saya nyaman

in the public sphere and comfortable here,

berada dalam sorotan publik dan

merasa nyaman berbicara kepada Anda semua di sini.

speaking to you guys.

But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point

Kenyataannya, sepanjang hidup saya

sampai sekarang, termasuk saat ini,

and including this point, living in mortal dread

saya selalu merasa takut

of public speaking.

setiap kali saya berbicara di depan umum.

Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)

Tapi lain halnya dengan

menyanyi di depan umum. (Tawa)

But we'll get to that in a moment.

Nanti saya akan berbicara tentang itu.

I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.

Saya tidak pernah membicarakannya

secara terbuka sebelumnya.

Saya rasa ini karena saya selalu berharap

I think that that's because I've always lived in hope

that when I was a grown-up,

bahwa ketika saya besar nanti,

I wouldn't have one.

masalah ini akan hilang.

I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,

Saya tumbuh dengan pemikiran semacam ini.

Kalau saya besar nanti,

I'll have learned to speak French,

saya akan belajar bahasa Perancis,

and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money,

dan saya akan belajar mengatur keuangan saya,

and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,

saya tidak akan gagap lagi

and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister

dan saya dapat berbicara di depan umum,

and anything's possible and, you know.

dan mungkin menjadi perdana menteri

dan segalanya mungkin.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

So I can talk about it now

Saya bisa membicarakannya sekarang

because I've reached this point, where —

karena saya telah mencapai

titik dimana —

I mean, I'm 28.

yah, saya sudah berusia 28 tahun.

I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.

Saya yakin saya sudah cukup dewasa.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

And I'm an adult woman

Dan saya seorang wanita dewasa

who spends her life as a performer,

yang menghabiskan hidupnya

di atas panggung,

with a speech impediment.

dengan kegagapan.

So, I might as well come clean about it.

Jadi, sekalian saja saya bicara terus terang.

There are some interesting angles to having a stutter.

Ada yang menarik dari kegagapan saya.

For me, the worst thing that can happen

Bagi saya, hal terburuk yang mungkin terjadi

is meeting another stutterer.

adalah bertemu dengan orang gagap lainnya.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

This happened to me in Hamburg, when

Ini terjadi kepada saya di Hamburg,

this guy, we met and he said,

ketika itu saya bertemu seorang pria

"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"

dan dia berkata, "Halo, n-n-n-nama saya Joe,"

and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."

dan saya berkata, "Oh, halo,

n-n-n-nama saya Meg."

Imagine my horror when I realized

Bayangkan betapa saya kaget ketika menyadari

he thought I was making fun of him.

dia pikir saya mengolok-oloknya.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

People think I'm drunk all the time.

Orang-orang berpikir saya selalu mabuk.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

People think that I've forgotten their name

Orang-orang berpikir saya lupa nama mereka

when I hesitate before saying it.

karena saya terbata-bata.

And it is a very weird thing, because

Dan memang aneh,

proper nouns are the worst.

karena kata benda adalah yang paling sulit.

If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence,

Kalau saya akan menggunakan kata

"Rabu" dalam sebuah kalimat,

and I'm coming up to the word,

dan hendak mengucapkan kata tersebut,

and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,

dan saya merasa saya akan terbata-bata,

I can change the word to "tomorrow,"

saya bisa menggantinya dengan "besok,"

or "the day after Tuesday,"

atau "sehari setelah hari Selasa,"

or something else.

atau semacamnya.

It's clunky, but you can get away with it,

Kedengarannya kikuk,

tapi saya bisa menghindarinya

because over time I've developed this

karena dari waktu ke waktu saya

loophole method of using speech

menyelamatkan diri dengan

berbicara seperti ini

where right at the last minute you

dimana di saat-saat terakhir, saya

change the thing and you trick your brain.

mengganti satu dua kata

dan mengelabui otak sendiri.

But with people's names, you can't change them.

Tapi saya tak bisa mengganti nama orang.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

When I was singing a lot of jazz,

Ketika saya harus menyanyikan

I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.

banyak lagu jazz,

saya sering berkolaborasi

dengan seorang pianis bernama Steve.

As you can probably gather,

Anda mungkin sudah bisa menebak.

S's and T's, together or independently,

Huruf S dan T, baik berjejeran

ataupun berdiri sendiri

are my kryptonite.

merupakan kelemahan saya.

But I would have to introduce the band

Tapi saya harus memperkenalkan

over this rolling vamp,

anggota band saat jeda,

and when I got around to Steve,

dan ketika giliran Steve,

I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."

saya sering kesulitan menyebut "St."

And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe.

Suasananya menjadi agak cangung dan tidak nyaman,

dan merusak mood yang ada.

So after a few instances of this,

Jadi setelah beberapa kali,

Steve happily became "Seve,"

saya menyebut Steve "Seve,"

and we got through it that way. (Laughter)

dan begitulah kami mengatasinya. (Tawa)

I've had a lot of therapy,

Saya sudah melalui banyak sesi terapi,

and a common form of treatment is to use

dan pengobatan yang biasa digunakan

this technique that's called smooth speech,

adalah sebuah cara yang dinamakan

berpidato mulus,

which is where you almost sing everything that you say.

dimana Anda hampir selalu menyanyikan setiap ucapan Anda.

You kind of join everything together in this

Anda menggabungkan semua yang ada dalam

very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,

metode menyanyi ini, seperti halnya guru TK mengajar,

and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium,

dan ini sangat menenangkan,

seperti habis minum banyak Valium,

and everything is calm. (Laughter)

dan semuanya begitu tenang. (Tawa)

That's not actually me.

Sebenarnya saya tidak seperti itu.

And I do use that. I do.

Namun saya melakukannya,

I use it when I have to be on panel shows,

ketika berada di acara temu bicara,

atau wawancara di radio,

or when I have to do radio interviews,

when the economy of airtime is paramount.

ketika saya harus tampil di depan publik

demi uang.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

I get through it that way for my job.

Ini siasat saya dalam bekerja.

But as an artist who feels that their work

Tapi sebagai artis

yang merasa pekerjaannya

is based solely on a platform of honesty

berdasarkan semata-mata atas kejujuran

and being real,

dari diri kita yang sebenarnya,

that feels often like cheating.

saya merasa seperti telah berbuat curang.

Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you

Karenanya, sebelum saya bernyanyi,

saya ingin memberitahu

what singing means to me.

apa arti menyanyi bagi saya.

It's more than making nice sounds,

Menyanyi lebih dari sekadar

menciptakan melodi yang indah,

and it's more than making nice songs.

dan lebih dari sekedar

membuat lagu yang bagus.

It's more than feeling known, or understood.

Lebih dari sekadar dikenal dan dimengerti.

It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.

Menyanyi berarti membuat Anda

merasakan apa yang saya rasa.

It's not about mythology,

Ini bukanlah mengenai mitologi,

or mythologizing myself to you.

atau memitologikan diri saya kepada Anda.

Somehow, through some miraculous

Seakan-akan,

melalui keajaiban fungsi otak,

synaptic function of the human brain,

it's impossible to stutter when you sing.

kegagapan yang ada hilang.

And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment

Ketika saya kecil, metode ini berhasil,

that worked very well for me,

singing, so I did it a lot.

Bernyanyi. Jadi saya sering bernyanyi.

And that's why I'm here today.

Dan itulah mengapa saya di sini hari ini.

(Applause)

(Tepuk tangan)

Thank you.

Terima kasih.

Singing for me is sweet relief.

Menyanyi semacam suatu pelampiasan

bagi saya,

It is the only time when I feel fluent.

karena itulah satu-satunya masa

dimana saya merasa sangat fasih,

It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth

satu-satunya saat dimana

apa yang keluar dari mulut saya

is comprehensively exactly what I intended.

adalah sesuatu

yang benar-benar saya maksud.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

So I know that this is a TED Talk,

Saya tahu ini acara ceramah,

but now i'm going to TED sing.

tapi sekarang saya mau bernyanyi.

This is a song that I wrote last year.

Lagu ini saya gubah tahun lalu.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Terima kasih banyak. Terima kasih.

(Applause)

(Tepuk tangan)

(Piano)

(Piano)

♪ I would be a beauty ♪

♪ I would be a beauty ♪ (Aku ingin menjadi cantik)

♪ but my nose ♪

♪ but my nose ♪ (tapi hidungku)

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪ (terlalu besar)

♪ for my face ♪

♪ for my face ♪ (di wajahku)

♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪

♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪ (dan aku ingin bermimpi)

♪ but my dream ♪

♪ but my dream ♪ (tapi mimpiku)

♪ is slightly too big ♪

♪ is slightly too big ♪ (terlampau besar)

♪ for this space ♪

♪ for this space ♪ (untuk tempat ini)

♪ And I would be an angel ♪

♪ And I would be an angel ♪ (dan aku ingin menjadi malaikat)

♪ but my halo ♪

♪ but my halo ♪ (tapi lingkaran cahayaku)

♪ it pales in the glow ♪

♪ it pales in the glow ♪ (terlihat pucat di hadapan)

♪ of your grace ♪

♪ of your grace ♪ (sinar anugerahmu)

♪ And I would be a joker ♪

♪ And I would be a joker ♪ (Dan aku ingin menjadi Joker)

♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪

♪ but that card looks silly ♪ (tapi kartu itu terlihat konyol)

♪ when you play ♪ (ketika kamu memainkan)

♪ your ace ♪

♪ your ace ♪ (kartu As-mu)

♪ I'd like to know ♪

♪ I'd like to know ♪ (Aku ingin tahu)

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪ Are there stars in hell ♪ (Apakah ada bintang di neraka)

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪ (Dan aku ingin tahu)

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪ (apakah kamu tahu)

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪ that you make me lose ♪ (bahwa kamu membuatku)

♪ everything I know ♪ (kehilangan semuanya)

♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪ That I cannot choose ♪ (dan aku tidak bisa memutuskan)

♪ to or not let go ♪ (untuk melepaskan atau tidak)

♪ And I'd stay forever ♪

♪ And I'd stay forever ♪ (Dan aku ingin tinggal selamanya)

♪ but my home ♪

♪ but my home ♪ (tapi rumahku)

♪ is slightly too far ♪

♪ is slightly too far ♪ (terlalu jauh)

♪ from this place ♪

♪ from this place ♪ (dari sini)

♪ And I swear I tried to ♪

♪ And I swear I tried to ♪ (Dan sungguh, aku mencoba untuk)

♪ slow it down ♪

♪ slow it down ♪ (berjalan lebih pelan)

♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪

♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪ (mengikuti langkahmu)

♪ But all I could think ♪

♪ But all I could think ♪ (Tapi yang kupikirkan)

♪ idling through the cities ♪

♪ idling through the cities ♪ (selagi melewati kota)

♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪

♪ do I look pretty (apakah aku terlihat cantik)

♪ in the rain ♪ (di tengah hujan)

♪ And I don't know how someone ♪

♪ And I don't know how someone ♪ (Dan entah bagaimana seseorang)

♪ quite so lovely ♪

♪ quite so lovely ♪ (yang cukup menarik)

♪ makes me feel ugly ♪

♪ makes me feel ugly ♪ (membuatku merasa jelek)

♪ So much shame ♪

♪ So much shame ♪ (Aku sangat malu)

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪ (Dan aku ingin tahu)

♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

♪ Are there stars in hell ♪ (Apakah ada bintang di neraka)

♪ And I'd like to know ♪

♪ And I'd like to know ♪ (Dan aku ingin tahu)

♪ know if you can tell ♪

♪ know if you can tell ♪ (apakah kamu tahu)

♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

♪ that you make me lose ♪ (bahwa kamu membuatku)

♪ everything I know ♪ ( kehilangan segalanya)

♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

♪ that I cannot choose ♪ (dan aku tidak bisa memutuskan)

♪ to or not let go ♪ (untuk melepaskan atau tidak)

Terima kasih banyak. (Tepuk tangan)

Thank you very much. (Applause)