Megan Washington: Why I live in mortal dread of public speaking

261,263 views ・ 2014-08-08

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:12
I didn't know when I agreed to do this
0
12036
4569
00:16
whether I was expected to talk or to sing.
1
16605
5680
00:22
But when I was told that the topic was language,
2
22285
5048
00:27
I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.
3
27333
4771
00:32
I have a problem.
4
32104
4349
00:36
It's not the worst thing in the world.
5
36453
2014
00:38
I'm fine.
6
38467
1197
00:39
I'm not on fire.
7
39664
1749
00:41
I know that other people in the world
8
41413
1901
00:43
have far worse things to deal with,
9
43314
4168
00:47
but for me, language and music are
10
47482
5950
00:53
inextricably linked through this one thing.
11
53432
4435
00:57
And the thing is that I have a stutter.
12
57867
7689
01:05
It might seem curious given that I spend
13
65556
2548
01:08
a lot of my life on the stage.
14
68104
3798
01:11
One would assume that I'm comfortable
15
71902
3024
01:14
in the public sphere and comfortable here,
16
74926
2432
01:17
speaking to you guys.
17
77358
2440
01:19
But the truth is that I've spent my life up until this point
18
79798
4770
01:24
and including this point, living in mortal dread
19
84568
4351
01:28
of public speaking.
20
88919
3310
01:32
Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)
21
92229
4702
01:36
But we'll get to that in a moment.
22
96939
3493
01:40
I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.
23
100432
5910
01:46
I think that that's because I've always lived in hope
24
106342
2332
01:48
that when I was a grown-up,
25
108674
2544
01:51
I wouldn't have one.
26
111218
6272
01:57
I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,
27
117490
3215
02:00
I'll have learned to speak French,
28
120705
3207
02:03
and when I'm grown, I'll learn how to manage my money,
29
123912
3278
02:07
and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,
30
127190
2278
02:09
and then I'll be able to public speak and maybe be the prime minister
31
129468
2323
02:11
and anything's possible and, you know.
32
131791
3365
02:15
(Laughter)
33
135156
3400
02:18
So I can talk about it now
34
138556
3049
02:21
because I've reached this point, where —
35
141605
3822
02:25
I mean, I'm 28.
36
145427
3940
02:29
I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.
37
149367
2490
02:31
(Laughter)
38
151857
1822
02:33
And I'm an adult woman
39
153679
2002
02:35
who spends her life as a performer,
40
155681
4076
02:39
with a speech impediment.
41
159757
2902
02:42
So, I might as well come clean about it.
42
162659
4208
02:46
There are some interesting angles to having a stutter.
43
166867
3982
02:50
For me, the worst thing that can happen
44
170849
3374
02:54
is meeting another stutterer.
45
174223
3262
02:57
(Laughter)
46
177485
3216
03:00
This happened to me in Hamburg, when
47
180701
3207
03:03
this guy, we met and he said,
48
183908
2003
03:05
"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"
49
185911
3621
03:09
and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."
50
189532
4261
03:13
Imagine my horror when I realized
51
193793
2657
03:16
he thought I was making fun of him.
52
196450
1905
03:18
(Laughter)
53
198355
4095
03:24
People think I'm drunk all the time.
54
204197
5033
03:29
(Laughter)
55
209230
3400
03:32
People think that I've forgotten their name
56
212630
3676
03:36
when I hesitate before saying it.
57
216306
4691
03:40
And it is a very weird thing, because
58
220997
2223
03:43
proper nouns are the worst.
59
223220
4239
03:47
If I'm going to use the word "Wednesday" in a sentence,
60
227459
3790
03:51
and I'm coming up to the word,
61
231249
2903
03:54
and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,
62
234152
2969
03:57
I can change the word to "tomorrow,"
63
237121
3310
04:00
or "the day after Tuesday,"
64
240431
2059
04:02
or something else.
65
242490
2393
04:04
It's clunky, but you can get away with it,
66
244883
4983
04:09
because over time I've developed this
67
249866
2542
04:12
loophole method of using speech
68
252408
4387
04:16
where right at the last minute you
69
256795
3131
04:19
change the thing and you trick your brain.
70
259926
4281
04:24
But with people's names, you can't change them.
71
264207
3708
04:27
(Laughter)
72
267915
2678
04:30
When I was singing a lot of jazz,
73
270593
3169
04:33
I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.
74
273762
5523
04:39
As you can probably gather,
75
279285
2614
04:41
S's and T's, together or independently,
76
281899
3274
04:45
are my kryptonite.
77
285173
3043
04:49
But I would have to introduce the band
78
289287
2152
04:51
over this rolling vamp,
79
291439
3212
04:54
and when I got around to Steve,
80
294651
2849
04:57
I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."
81
297500
5771
05:03
And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable and it totally kills the vibe.
82
303271
5688
05:08
So after a few instances of this,
83
308959
2328
05:11
Steve happily became "Seve,"
84
311287
5100
05:16
and we got through it that way. (Laughter)
85
316387
4595
05:21
I've had a lot of therapy,
86
321887
2351
05:24
and a common form of treatment is to use
87
324238
2287
05:26
this technique that's called smooth speech,
88
326525
4908
05:31
which is where you almost sing everything that you say.
89
331433
5425
05:36
You kind of join everything together in this
90
336858
2352
05:39
very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,
91
339210
4265
05:43
and it makes you sound very serene, like you've had lots of Valium,
92
343475
3979
05:47
and everything is calm. (Laughter)
93
347454
3792
05:51
That's not actually me.
94
351246
3127
05:54
And I do use that. I do.
95
354373
3325
05:57
I use it when I have to be on panel shows,
96
357698
6834
06:04
or when I have to do radio interviews,
97
364532
3379
06:07
when the economy of airtime is paramount.
98
367911
4863
06:12
(Laughter)
99
372774
3054
06:15
I get through it that way for my job.
100
375828
4388
06:20
But as an artist who feels that their work
101
380216
2717
06:22
is based solely on a platform of honesty
102
382933
5970
06:28
and being real,
103
388903
4034
06:32
that feels often like cheating.
104
392937
3734
06:36
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you
105
396671
3214
06:39
what singing means to me.
106
399885
3659
06:43
It's more than making nice sounds,
107
403544
4051
06:47
and it's more than making nice songs.
108
407595
5402
06:52
It's more than feeling known, or understood.
109
412997
5534
06:58
It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.
110
418531
6165
07:04
It's not about mythology,
111
424696
2689
07:07
or mythologizing myself to you.
112
427385
5042
07:12
Somehow, through some miraculous
113
432427
5378
07:17
synaptic function of the human brain,
114
437805
4500
07:22
it's impossible to stutter when you sing.
115
442305
5456
07:27
And when I was younger, that was a method of treatment
116
447761
3756
07:31
that worked very well for me,
117
451517
2453
07:33
singing, so I did it a lot.
118
453970
5880
07:39
And that's why I'm here today.
119
459850
4143
07:43
(Applause)
120
463993
4365
07:48
Thank you.
121
468358
3491
07:54
Singing for me is sweet relief.
122
474010
4573
07:58
It is the only time when I feel fluent.
123
478583
8847
08:07
It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth
124
487430
3426
08:10
is comprehensively exactly what I intended.
125
490856
2592
08:13
(Laughter)
126
493448
2283
08:15
So I know that this is a TED Talk,
127
495731
2937
08:18
but now i'm going to TED sing.
128
498668
3749
08:22
This is a song that I wrote last year.
129
502417
1559
08:23
Thank you very much. Thank you.
130
503976
2398
08:26
(Applause)
131
506374
5174
08:39
(Piano)
132
519321
5859
08:54
♪ I would be a beauty ♪
133
534819
3873
08:58
♪ but my nose ♪
134
538692
3476
09:02
♪ is slightly too big ♪
135
542168
3634
09:05
♪ for my face ♪
136
545802
3498
09:09
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪
137
549300
3875
09:13
♪ but my dream ♪
138
553175
3465
09:16
♪ is slightly too big ♪
139
556640
3611
09:20
♪ for this space ♪
140
560251
3589
09:23
♪ And I would be an angel ♪
141
563840
3937
09:27
♪ but my halo ♪
142
567777
3673
09:31
♪ it pales in the glow ♪
143
571450
3436
09:34
♪ of your grace ♪
144
574886
3521
09:38
♪ And I would be a joker ♪
145
578407
3757
09:42
♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪
146
582164
8775
09:50
♪ your ace ♪
147
590939
4235
10:07
♪ I'd like to know ♪
148
607701
3768
10:11
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
149
611469
3769
10:15
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
150
615238
3679
10:18
♪ know if you can tell ♪
151
618917
3804
10:22
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
152
622721
6984
10:29
♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
153
629705
6880
10:50
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪
154
650022
4164
10:54
♪ but my home ♪
155
654186
3285
10:57
♪ is slightly too far ♪
156
657471
3679
11:01
♪ from this place ♪
157
661150
2823
11:03
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪
158
663973
4354
11:08
♪ slow it down ♪
159
668327
3611
11:11
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪
160
671938
6945
11:18
♪ But all I could think ♪
161
678883
2285
11:21
♪ idling through the cities ♪
162
681168
5448
11:26
♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪
163
686616
7169
11:33
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪
164
693785
3425
11:37
♪ quite so lovely ♪
165
697210
3523
11:40
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪
166
700733
5658
11:46
♪ So much shame ♪
167
706391
3074
11:55
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
168
715595
3701
11:59
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
169
719296
3556
12:02
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
170
722852
3772
12:06
♪ know if you can tell ♪
171
726624
3658
12:10
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
172
730282
7177
12:17
♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
173
737459
6548
12:52
Thank you very much. (Applause)
174
772620
4441
About this website

This site will introduce you to YouTube videos that are useful for learning English. You will see English lessons taught by top-notch teachers from around the world. Double-click on the English subtitles displayed on each video page to play the video from there. The subtitles scroll in sync with the video playback. If you have any comments or requests, please contact us using this contact form.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7