Did you hear the one about the Iranian-American? | Maz Jobrani

Translator: Antonius Yudi Sendjaja Reviewer: Wahyu Perdana Yudistiawan

I was one of the founding members of the Axis of Evil Comedy Tour.

Saya adalah salah satu pendiri

dari Axis of Evil Comedy Tour.

The other founding members included Ahmed Ahmed,

Pendiri yang lain adalah Ahmed Ahmed,

who is an Egyptian-American, who actually had the idea

warga Amerika keturunan Mesir,

yang sebenarnya memiliki ide untuk pergi ke Timur Tengah dan mencoba mengadakan pertunjukan.

to go to the Middle East and try it out before we went out as a tour.

Sebelum kami pergi bersama-sama

He went out solo and did it first.

dia pergi sendirian dan mengadakan pertunjukan terlebih dahulu.

Then there was Aron Kader, who was the Palestinian-American.

Lalu ada Aron Kader, orang Amerika keturunan Palestina.

And then there was me, the Iranian-American of the group.

Lalu saya, seorang Amerika keturunan Iran.

Now, being Iranian-American presents its own set of problems,

Menjadi seorang Amerika keturunan Iran

memiliki rangkaian masalahnya sendiri, anda tahu.

as you know.

Those two countries aren't getting along these days.

Kedua negara ini tidak begitu akur akhir-akhir ini.

So it causes a lot of inner conflict, you know,

Sehingga menyebabkan banyak konflik internal, anda tahu

like part of me likes me, part of me hates me.

seperti sebagian diri saya suka dengan diri saya, dan sebagian lagi tidak.

(Laughter)

Part of me thinks I should have a nuclear program,

Sebagian dari diri saya berpikir seharusnya saya memiliki program nuklir,

the other part thinks I can't be trusted with one.

bagian yang lain berpikir saya tidak dapat dipercaya.

These are dilemmas I have every day.

Inilah dilema yang saya hadapi setiap hari.

But I was born in Iran; I'm now an American citizen,

Namun saya lahir di Iran. Sekarang saya warga Amerika,

which means I have the American passport,

yang berarti saya memiliki paspor Amerika,

which means I can travel.

yang berarti saya dapat bepergian bebas.

Because if you only have the Iranian passport,

Karena jika anda hanya memiliki paspor Iran,

you're kind of limited to the countries you can go to with open arms,

anda hanya dapat pergi ke sedikit negara

secara bebas, anda tahu --

you know -- Syria, Venezuela, North Korea.

Suriah, Venezuela, Korea Utara.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

So, anyone who's gotten their passport in America will tell you,

Jadi siapapun yang mendapatkan paspor mereka di Amerika

akan tahu, saat anda mendapatkan paspor,

when you get it, it still says what country you were born in.

paspor ini masih menulis di negara mana anda lahir.

So I remember getting my American passport.

Saya ingat saat saya mendapat paspor Amerika saya,

I was like, "Woo-hoo! I'm going to travel."

saya seperti berkata, "Woohoo! Saya akan bebas bepergian."

And I opened it up, it said, "Born in Iran." I'm like, "Oh, come on, man!"

Dan saya membukanya. Ada tulisan, "Lahir di Iran." Saya seperti, "Oh, ayolah."

(Tawa)

(Laughter)

"I'm trying to go places."

Saya mencoba pergi ke berbagai tempat.

(Laughter)

But what's interesting is,

namun yang menarik adalah, saya tidak pernah mendapat masalah

I've never had trouble in any Western countries with my American passport,

pergi ke negara-negara Barat dengan paspor Amerika saya,

even though it says, "Born in Iran" -- no problems.

walaupun ditulis, "Lahir di Iran." Tidak masalah.

Where I've had problems is in some of the Arab countries.

Masalah muncul saat saya pergi ke beberapa negara Arab,

I guess some of the Arab countries aren't getting along with Iran either.

karena saya kira beberapa negara Arab tidak cocok dengan Iran juga.

Jadi saya pergi ke Kuwait baru-baru ini,

So I was in Kuwait recently, doing a comedy show

untuk mengadakan pertunjukan komedi dengan beberapa pelawak Amerika lain.

with some other American comedians.

Mereka semuanya lancar, dan saat petugas perbatasan melihat paspor Amerika saya

They all went through.

Then the border patrol saw my American passport: "Ah-ha! American, great."

"Ah ha! Orang Amerika, bagus."

Then he opened it up. "Born in Iran? Wait."

Lalu dia membukanya. "Lahir di Iran? Tunggu."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

And he started asking me questions.

Dan dia mulai menanyai saya.

He said, "What is your father's name?"

Dia bertanya, "Siapa nama ayahmu?"

I said, "Well, he's passed away, but his name was Khosro."

Saya berkata, "Dia sudah meninggal, namanya Khosro."

He goes, "What is your grandfather's name?"

Dia bertanya lagi, "Siapa nama kakekmu?"

Saya berkata, "Dia sudah lama meninggal.

I said, "He passed away a long time ago.

Namanya Jabbar."

His name was Jabbar."

He says, "You wait. I'll be back," and he walked away.

Dia berkata, "Tunggu di sini. Saya segera kembali," dan dia pergi.

Dan saya mulai panik,

And I started freaking out,

because I don't know what kind of crap my grandfather was into.

karena saya tidak tahu masalah yang pernah dimiliki kakek saya.

(Tawa)

(Laughter)

Saya berpikir orang ini akan kembali dan berkata,

Thought the guy was going to come back and be like,

"Kami telah mencari anda selama 200 tahun."

"We've been looking for you for 200 years."

(Tawa)

(Laughter)

"Your grandfather has a parking violation. It's way overdue.

"Kakek anda melanggar parkir. Sudah lama jatuh tempo.

Anda berhutang dua miliar dolar."

You owe us two billion dollars."

(Laughter)

But as you can see, when I talk, I speak with an American accent,

Namun seperti yang kalian lihat, saat saya berbicara,

saya bicara dengan aksen Amerika, di mana kalian mungkin berpikir

which you would think, as an Iranian-American actor,

sebagai aktor Amerika keturunan Iran,

I should be able to play any part, good, bad, what have you.

saya dapat memainkan berbagai peran, baik, jahat, sesuai keinginan anda.

But a lot of times in Hollywood,

Namun seringkali di Hollywood,

when casting directors find out you're of Middle Eastern descent,

saat direktur pencari peran tahu anda keturunan Timur Tengah,

they go, "Oh, you're Iranian. Great!

mereka berkata, "Oh, anda orang Iran. Bagus.

Can you say 'I will kill you in the name of Allah?'"

Dapatkan anda berkata 'Saya akan membunuh anda dalam nama Allah?'"

I go, "I could say that, but what if I were to say,

Saya dapat mengatakannya, namun saya akan berkata,

'Hello. I'm your doctor'?"

"Halo. Saya dokter anda?"

They go, "Great! And then you hijack the hospital."

Mereka berkata, "Bagus. Lalu anda membajak rumah sakitnya."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

Like, I think you're missing the point here.

Sepertinya anda tidak mengerti.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind playing bad guys.

Jangan salah paham. Saya tidak keberatan memerankan orang jahat.

I want to play a bad guy. I want to rob a bank.

Saya ingin berperan menjadi orang jahat. Saya ingin merampok bank.

I want to rob a bank in a film,

Saya ingin merampok bank di dalam film,

but do it with a gun, not with a bomb strapped around me, right?

namun menggunakan pistol, bukan dengan bom yang terikat di sekeliling tubuh saya.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

Because I imagine the director: "Maz, I think your character

Karena saya membayangkan direktur ini berkata, "Maz, saya rasa karakter seperti anda

akan merampok bank dengan bom di sekeliling tubuhnya."

would rob the bank with a bomb around him."

"Why would I do that?

"Mengapa saya melakukan itu?

If I want the money, why would I kill myself?"

Jika saya ingin uangnya, mengapa saya harus bunuh diri?"

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

Benar?

Right?

(Applause)

(Tepuk tangan)

"Gimme all your money, or I'll blow myself up!"

"Berikan semua uang anda, atau saya akan meledakkan diri."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

"Well, then blow yourself up.

"Ya, silahkan ledakkan diri anda.

(Laughter)

Just do it outside, please."

Tapi tolong di luar ya"

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

But the fact is, there's good people everywhere.

Namun kenyataannya, orang baik ada di mana-mana.

That's what I try and show in my stand-up, good people everywhere.

Itulah yang saya coba tunjukkan dalam pertunjukan saya. Orang baik ada di mana-mana.

Hanya diperlukan satu orang untuk menghancurkan citra itu.

All it takes in one person to mess it up.

Seperti beberapa bulan lalu di Times Square New York,

Like a couple months ago in Times Square in New York,

ada orang Islam dari Pakistan yang mencoba meledakkan bom mobil.

there was a Pakistani Muslim guy who tried to blow up a car bomb.

Saya kebetulan ada di Times Square malam itu

Now, I happened to be in Times Square that night doing a comedy show.

mengadakan pertunjukan komedi.

And a few months before that, there was a white American guy in Austin, Texas

Dan beberapa bulan sebelumnya, ada orang Amerika kulit putih di Austin, Texas

yang menerbangkan pesawatnya ke gedung IRS.

who flew his airplane into the IRS building,

and I happened to be in Austin that day doing a stand-up comedy show.

dan saya kebetulan ada di Austin saat itu

melakukan pertunjukan komedi.

Now I'll tell you, as a Middle-Eastern male,

Saya beritahu kalian, sebagai seorang pria Timur Tengah,

when you show up around a lot of these activities,

saat anda seringkali berada di dekat kejadian-kejadian seperti ini

you start feeling guilty at one point.

suatu saat anda mulai merasa bersalah.

(Laughter)

Saya menonton berita dan seperti, "Apakah saya terlibat dalam semua ini?"

I was watching the news. I'm like, "Am I involved in this crap?"

(Tawa)

(Laughter)

"I didn't get the memo. What's going on?"

"Saya tidak mendapat memo. Apa yang terjadi?"

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

But what was interesting was,

Namun hal yang menarik adalah, orang Islam Pakistan ini --

the Pakistani Muslim guy -- see, he gives a bad name to Muslims

tahu bahwa dia membuat nama Islam

and Middle Easterners and Pakistanis from all over the world.

dan Timur Tengah dan Pakistan menjadi buruk di seluruh dunia.

And one thing that happened there was also the Pakistani Taliban

Dan hal lain yang juga terjadi adalah ada juga anggota Taliban dari Pakistan

took credit for that failed car bombing.

yang berkata bahwa dia bertanggung jawab atas bom mobil yang gagal itu.

My question is: Why would you take credit for a failed car bombing?

Pertanyaan saya adalah, mengapa anda menyatakan bertanggung jawab

untuk bom mobil yang gagal?

"We just want to say:

"Kami hanya ingin berkata

we tried."

kami telah mencoba."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

"And furthermore ...

"Terlebih lagi,

(Laughter)

yane penting kan niatnya."

it is the thought that counts."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

(Applause)

(Tepuk tangan)

"And in conclusion, win some, lose some."

"Dan kesimpulannya, ada menangnya, ada kalahnya."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

But what happened was, when the white guy flew his plane into the building,

Namun yang terjadi adalah, saat pria berkulit putih ini menerbangkan pesawatnya ke gedung itu,

saya tahu semua saudara sesama Timur Tengah dan Muslim di Amerika

I know all my Middle Eastern and Muslim friends in the States

menonton TV sambil berharap, "Tolonglah, bukan orang Timur Tengah.

were watching TV, going,

Bukan Hassan. Bukan Hussein."

"Please, don't be Middle Eastern. Don't be Hassan or Hussein."

Dan ternyata namanya adalah Jack. Saya seperti berteriak, "Wooo!

And the name came out: Jack. I'm like, "Woooo! That's not one of us!"

Bukan salah satu dari kami."

But I kept watching the news in case they came back,

Namun saya tetap menonton berita kalau-kalau ada perkembangan baru lagi,

seperti, "Sebelum dia melakukannya, dia masuk Islam."

and were like, "Before he did it, he converted to Islam."

"Sial! Mengapa Jack? Mengapa?"

"Damn it! Why Jack? Why?"

But the fact is, I've been lucky

Namun pada kenyataannya, saya beruntung

to get a chance to perform all over the world,

mendapat kesempatan untuk mengadakan pertunjukan di seluruh dunia

and I did a lot of shows in the Middle East.

dan saya melakukan banyak pertunjukan di Timur Tengah.

I just did a seven-country solo tour.

Saya baru saja melakukan tur solo ke tujuh negara.

I was in Oman, and I was in Saudi Arabia.

Saya pergi ke Oman, ke Arab Saudi.

ke Dubai.

I was in Dubai.

And it's great, there's good people everywhere.

Dan semuanya bagus, ada orang baik di mana-mana.

And you learn great things about these places.

Anda belajar hal-hal hebat tentang tempat ini.

I encourage people always to go visit these places.

Saya selalu mendorong orang untuk mengunjungi tempat-tempat ini.

Contohnya, Dubai -- tempat yang keren.

For example, Dubai -- cool place.

They're obsessed with having the biggest, tallest, longest, as we all know.

Mereka terobsesi memiliki sesuatu yang terbesar, tertinggi, terpanjang.

Ada sebuah mall di sana, Dubai Mall.

They have a mall there, the Dubai Mall.

Sangat besar, ada taksi di dalam mall.

It is so big, they have taxis in the mall.

I was walking. I heard, "Beep! Beep!" I'm like, "What are you doing here?"

Saat saya berjalan, saya mendengar "Bip, bip."

Saya seperti ingin berkata, "Apa yang anda lakukan di sini?"

He goes, "I'm going to the Zara store. It's three miles away.

Dia berkata, "Saya mau pergi ke toko Zara. Tiga mil dari sini.

Minggir. Minggir. Minggir."

Out of my way. Out of my way. Out of my way."

(Laughter)

And what's crazy -- there's a recession going on, even in Dubai,

Dan hal yang gila adalah -- saat itu sedang resesi, bahkan di Dubai,

namun anda tidak akan tahu saat melihat harga barang-barangnya.

but you wouldn't know by the prices.

Like in the Dubai Mall, they sell frozen yogurt by the gram.

Seperti di Dubai Mall,

mereka menjual yogurt beku per gram.

It's like a drug deal.

Seperti transaksi obat terlarang.

I was walking by. The guy goes, "Psst! Habibi, my friend."

Saya sedang berjalan dan orang ini berkata, "Psst. Habibi, teman."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

"You want some frozen yogurt?

"Anda ingin yogurt beku?

(Laughter)

Come here. Come here. Come here.

Kemari. Kemari. Kemari.

I have one gram, five gram, 10 gram. How many gram do you want?"

Ada yang satu gram, lima gram, 10 gram. Anda mau berapa gram?"

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

I bought five grams. 10 dollars. 10 dollars! I said, "What's in this?"

Saya membeli lima gram. 10 dolar. 10 dolar! Saya berkata, "Apa yang ada di dalamnya?"

He's like, "Good stuff, man. Colombian. Top of the line."

Dia berkata, "Barang bagus. Dari Kolumbia. Kualitas atas. Kualitas atas."

(Laughter)

Hal lain yang terkadang anda pelajari

The other thing you learn when you travel in these countries,

saat anda pergi ke negara-negara di Timur Tengah,

in the Middle East, Latin American, South American countries,

terkadang di negara Amerika Latin, negara Amerika Selatan --

a lot of times when they build stuff, there's no rules and regulations.

sering kali mereka membangun sesuatu,

tanpa peraturan dan pengaturan.

For example, I took my two-year-old son to the playground at the Dubai Mall.

Contohnya, saya mengajak putra saya yang berusia dua tahun ke taman bermain di Dubai Mall.

And I've taken him to playgrounds all over the United States.

Dan saya membawa putra saya ke taman bermain di seluruh Amerika.

And when you put your two-year-old on a slide in the United States,

Saat anda mengajak putra anda bermain perosotan di Amerika Serikat,

mereka meletakkan sesuatu di sana

they put something on the slide

to slow the kid down as he comes down the slide.

untuk memperlambat laju anak anda saat menuruni perosotan itu.

Not in the Middle East.

Namun tidak di Timur Tengah.

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

I put my two-year-old on the slide, he went whoosh! He took off!

Saya mengajak putra saya bermain perosotan itu, dia seperti frrmrmm! Dia terbang.

(Laughter)

Saya turun dan bertanya, "Di mana putra saya?"

I went down and, "Where's my son?" "On the third floor, sir. Third floor."

"Ada di lantai tiga, Pak. Di lantai tiga."

(Tawa)

(Laughter)

"You take a taxi. You go to Zara. Make a left."

"Anda naik taksi. Pergi ke Zara, lalu belok kiri."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

"Try the yogurt. It's very good. Little expensive."

"Cobalah yogurt ini. Enak sekali. Memang sedikit mahal."

(Laughter)

But one thing I try to do with my stand-up is break stereotypes.

Namun satu hal yang saya coba lakukan dalam pertunjukan saya adalah untuk menghentikan pandangan klise.

Namun saya juga bersalah karena mengklisekan orang lain.

And I've been guilty of stereotyping as well.

Saat saya di Dubai, ada banyak orang India bekerja di Dubai.

I was in Dubai. And there's a lot of Indians who work in Dubai.

Dan mereka menerima bayaran rendah.

And they don't get paid that well.

And I got it in my head that all the Indians must be workers.

Lalu saya berpikir bahwa semua orang India di sana adalah buruh.

Dan saya lupa bahwa jelas ada juga orang India yang sukses di Dubai.

I forgot there's obviously successful Indians in Dubai too.

Saat saya mengadakan pertunjukan,

I was doing a show, and they said, "We'll send a driver to pick you up."

mereka berkata, "Kami akan mengirimkan supir untuk menjemput anda."

I went down to the lobby, and saw this Indian guy.

Jadi saya turun ke lobi, dan saya melihat orang India ini.

Saya berpikir, "Dia pasti supir saya."

I go, "He must be my driver,"

since he's standing there in a cheap suit, thin mustache, staring at me.

Karena dia berdiri di sana, seperti memakai jas murahan dengan kumis tipis dan memandangi saya.

Jadi saya mendatanginya, "Permisi, apakah anda supir saya?"

I say, "Excuse me, are you my driver?"

Dia menjawab, "Bukan, saya yang punya hotel ini."

He goes, "No, sir. I own the hotel."

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

I go, "I'm sorry! Why were you staring at me?"

Saya berkata, "Maaf. Lalu mengapa anda memandangi saya?"

He goes, "I thought you were my driver."

Dia berkata, "Saya kira anda supir saya."

(Laughter)

(Tepuk tangan)

(Applause)

(Laughter)

(Tawa)

I'll leave you with this: I try, with my stand-up, to break stereotypes,

Saya akan meninggalkan pesan ini: Saya mencoba, dengan pertunjukan saya, menghentikan pandangan klise,

present Middle Easterners and Muslims in a positive light.

menunjukkan orang-orang Timur Tengah -- Islam dari sisi positif --

dan saya harap di tahun-tahun mendatang

I hope that in the coming years,

more film and television programs come out of Hollywood,

ada banyak film dan program televisi dari Hollywood

presenting us in a positive light.

yang menunjukkan sisi positif dari kami.

Who knows? Maybe one day, we'll even have our own James Bond. Right?

Siapa tahu, mungkin suatu hari kami memiliki James Bond sendiri.

"My name is Bond.

"Nama saya Bond, Jamal Bond."

Jamal Bond."

(Tawa)

(Laughter)

Til then, I'll keep telling jokes. Hope you keep laughing.

Sampai saat itu datang, saya akan tetap melawak. Semoga anda tetap tertawa.

Semoga hari anda menyenangkan. Terima kasih.

Have a good day. Thank you.

(Applause)

(Tepuk tangan)