12 truths I learned from life and writing | Anne Lamott

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Yanyan Hong

My seven-year-old grandson sleeps just down the hall from me,

從我房間走過大廳， 就是我七歲孫子睡覺的地方，

and he wakes up a lot of mornings

他早上常常會醒來，

and he says,

他會說：

"You know, this could be the best day ever."

「今天搞不好是最棒的一天！」

And other times, in the middle of the night,

其他時候，在大半夜時，

he calls out in a tremulous voice,

他會用顫抖的聲音大喊：

"Nana, will you ever get sick and die?"

「奶奶，你會不會生病死掉？」

I think this pretty much says it for me and most of the people I know,

我想他說出了我和多數人的心聲，

that we're a mixed grill of happy anticipation

我們是快樂預期和懼怕的

and dread.

混合體。

So I sat down a few days before my 61st birthday,

所以我在六十一歲生日的 前幾天坐下來，

and I decided to compile a list of everything I know for sure.

決定匯整一份清單， 列出所有我確切知道的事。

There's so little truth in the popular culture,

在流行文化中的真相太少了，

and it's good to be sure of a few things.

若能有幾件確定的事會很好。

For instance, I am no longer 47,

比如，我不再是四十七歲了，

although this is the age I feel,

雖然我感覺像是四十七歲，

and the age I like to think of myself as being.

我也希望自己是四十七歲。

My friend Paul used to say in his late 70s

我朋友保羅在快要八十歲時會說，

that he felt like a young man with something really wrong with him.

他覺得自己是個 身體很有問題的年輕人。

(Laughter)

( 笑聲 )

Our true person is outside of time and space,

真正的我們，是超越時間與空間的，

but looking at the paperwork,

但看看書面文件，

I can, in fact, see that I was born in 1954.

我知道事實上我生於 1954 年。

My inside self is outside of time and space.

我的內在自我是超越時間與空間的。

It doesn't have an age.

它並沒有年齡。

I'm every age I've ever been, and so are you,

我的年齡是我活過的 任何年齡，你也一樣，

although I can't help mentioning as an aside

不過我忍不住順道一提，

that it might have been helpful if I hadn't followed

如果我當初沒有聽信六〇年代的

the skin care rules of the '60s,

護膚原則，可能會有點幫助，

which involved getting as much sun as possible

那時的原則是盡可能多曬太陽，

while slathered in baby oil

同時要大量塗抹嬰兒油，

and basking in the glow of a tinfoil reflector shield.

在一塊錫製反光板 所反射的陽光中做日光浴。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It was so liberating, though, to face the truth

不過，面對真相的感覺很解放，

that I was no longer in the last throes of middle age,

面對我的中年已經過去的事實，

that I decided to write down every single true thing I know.

我決定寫下每一件 我確定是真實的事情。

People feel really doomed and overwhelmed these days,

最近，人們感到不幸、無法承受，

and they keep asking me what's true.

他們一直問我，什麼才是真實的。

So I hope that my list of things I'm almost positive about

所以我希望在這份清單中 列出我幾乎可肯定的事情，

might offer some basic operating instructions

也許可以提供些基本的操作指引，

to anyone who is feeling really overwhelmed or beleaguered.

給那些感到無法承受 或身陷困境的人。

Number one:

第一條：

the first and truest thing is that all truth is a paradox.

第一件事也是最真實的一件事： 所有的真相都是矛盾。

Life is both a precious, unfathomably beautiful gift,

人生是個珍貴的禮物， 其美麗深不可測，

and it's impossible here, on the incarnational side of things.

而從事物的體現面來看， 它是很難忍受的。

It's been a very bad match

對於生來就極度敏感的人來說，

for those of us who were born extremely sensitive.

它是個很糟的配對。

It's so hard and weird that we sometimes wonder

它是如此艱難和怪異， 以致於我們有時會想，

if we're being punked.

我們是否被耍了。

It's filled simultaneously with heartbreaking sweetness and beauty,

它同時充滿了 讓人心碎甜蜜與美麗、

desperate poverty,

絕望的貧困、

floods and babies and acne and Mozart,

洪水、寶寶、青春痘，以及莫札特，

all swirled together.

全都攪和在一起。

I don't think it's an ideal system.

我不認為它是個理想的系統。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Number two: almost everything will work again

第二條：任何東西不運轉了， 只要你把插頭拔掉幾分鐘，

if you unplug it for a few minutes --

它幾乎都會再次動起來。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

including you.

包括你也一樣。

Three: there is almost nothing outside of you

第三條：幾乎沒有任何外在的人事物

that will help in any kind of lasting way,

能夠長久地幫助你，

unless you're waiting for an organ.

除非你在等器官捐贈。

You can't buy, achieve or date serenity and peace of mind.

你無法買到、達到， 或約到寧靜以及安寧。

This is the most horrible truth, and I so resent it.

這是最糟的真相，我很討厭它。

But it's an inside job,

但它是內在的工作，

and we can't arrange peace or lasting improvement

我們無法為世界上我們最愛的人

for the people we love most in the world.

安排平靜或是持續的改善。

They have to find their own ways,

他們得要自己找出方法，

their own answers.

找到自己的答案。

You can't run alongside your grown children

當你長大的孩子踏上 他們自己的英雄之旅時，

with sunscreen and ChapStick on their hero's journey.

你不能帶著防曬油 和唇膏跑在他們身邊。

You have to release them.

你得要放開他們。

It's disrespectful not to.

這是對他們的尊重。

And if it's someone else's problem,

如果是別人的問題，

you probably don't have the answer, anyway.

反正你八成也不會有答案。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Our help is usually not very helpful.

我們的幫助通常都不是很有幫助。

Our help is often toxic.

我們的幫助通常是有害的。

And help is the sunny side of control.

幫助，是控制的陽光面。

Stop helping so much.

別再幫這麼多忙了。

Don't get your help and goodness all over everybody.

別把你的幫助和善意 硬塞給每一個人。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

（掌聲）

(Applause)

This brings us to number four:

這就帶我們來到第四條：

everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy and scared,

每個人都是一團糟、破碎的、 依賴的、害怕的，

even the people who seem to have it most together.

即使是身心狀態看似 都很好的人也一樣。

They are much more like you than you would believe,

他們比你想像的還要像你，

so try not to compare your insides to other people's outsides.

所以試著不要拿你的內在 和其他人的外在做比較。

It will only make you worse than you already are.

那樣只會讓你的狀況再下一層樓。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Also, you can't save, fix or rescue any of them

此外，你也無法拯救、 照應，或援助他們，

or get anyone sober.

也無法讓任何人戒酒過來。

What helped me get clean and sober 30 years ago

三十年前協助我戒毒戒酒的，

was the catastrophe of my behavior and thinking.

是我的行為與思想所帶來的大災難。

So I asked some sober friends for help,

我向清醒的朋友們尋求協助，

and I turned to a higher power.

我轉向更高的力量。

One acronym for God is the "gift of desperation,"

「絕望的禮物」的字首縮寫正是神，

G-O-D,

G - O - D，

or as a sober friend put it,

或是借用我清醒的朋友的說法，

by the end I was deteriorating faster than I could lower my standards.

到最後，我惡化的速度比我 降低標準的速度還要快。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So God might mean, in this case,

所以在這個例子中，神可能意味著

"me running out of any more good ideas."

「我用光了所有的好點子。」

While fixing and saving and trying to rescue is futile,

雖然照應、拯救、 試圖援助，都是無益的，

radical self-care is quantum,

極端的自我照顧可說是量子，

and it radiates out from you into the atmosphere

從你散發出來，進入大大氣中，

like a little fresh air.

就像一點新鮮的空氣。

It's a huge gift to the world.

它是一份給予世界的大禮。

When people respond by saying, "Well, isn't she full of herself,"

當人們的回應是說： 「她很自以為是，不是嗎？」

just smile obliquely like Mona Lisa

只要像蒙娜麗莎 那樣傾斜地微笑即可，

and make both of you a nice cup of tea.

然後為你們兩人泡杯茶。

Being full of affection for one's goofy, self-centered,

對你那愚蠢、自我中心、 怪脾氣、又惱人的

cranky, annoying self

自我充滿情感，

is home.

就是家。

It's where world peace begins.

那就是世界和平開始的地方。

Number five:

第五條：

chocolate with 75 percent cacao is not actually a food.

有 75% 可可的巧克力 其實算不上是食物。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Its best use is as a bait in snake traps

它最好的用途是 當作捕蛇陷阱中的餌，

or to balance the legs of wobbly chairs.

或是墊在不穩定的椅子 腳下來讓它平衡。

It was never meant to be considered an edible.

它從來就不該被認為是可食用的。

Number six --

第六條：

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

writing.

寫作。

Every writer you know writes really terrible first drafts,

你認識的每一位作家， 寫出的初稿都非常糟，

but they keep their butt in the chair.

但他們坐在椅子上繼續寫下去。

That's the secret of life.

那就是人生的秘密。

That's probably the main difference between you and them.

那可能就是你和他們 之間的主要差異。

They just do it.

他們只管去做。

They do it by prearrangement with themselves.

他們用預先安排的方式去做。

They do it as a debt of honor.

他們把這事當作信譽債去做。

They tell stories that come through them

他們訴說透過他們來體現的故事，

one day at a time, little by little.

一次一天，一點一點來。

When my older brother was in fourth grade,

當我哥哥小學四年級時，

he had a term paper on birds due the next day,

他有一份關於鳥的 學期報告隔天就要交出，

and he hadn't started.

他都還沒開始寫。

So my dad sat down with him with an Audubon book,

所以我爸爸和他一起坐下來， 拿著一本奧杜邦的書、

paper, pencils and brads --

紙、筆、和曲頭釘──

for those of you who have gotten a little less young and remember brads --

在座應該有些人沒有那麼年輕， 所以還記得曲頭釘是什麼──

and he said to my brother,

他對我哥哥說：

"Just take it bird by bird, buddy.

「伙計，只要一次一隻鳥就好。

Just read about pelicans

只管去閱讀鵜鶘的資訊，

and then write about pelicans in your own voice.

然後用你自己的 表達方式來寫出鵜鶘。

And then find out about chickadees,

接著去研究山雀，

and tell us about them in your own voice.

再用你自己的表達方式 來告訴我們山雀。

And then geese."

接著是鵝。」

So the two most important things about writing are: bird by bird

所以關於寫作最重要的 兩點是：一次一隻鳥，

and really god-awful first drafts.

以及糟透了的初稿。

If you don't know where to start,

如果你不知道從何開始，

remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours,

切記，發生在你身上的 每一件事，都是屬於你的，

and you get to tell it.

而你可以訴說它們。

If people wanted you to write more warmly about them,

如果人們要你用比較 溫暖的方式來寫他們，

they should've behaved better.

那他們早就該表現好些。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

You're going to feel like hell if you wake up someday

你將會覺得很悲慘， 如果有一天你醒來，

and you never wrote the stuff

發現你始終沒有寫下

that is tugging on the sleeves of your heart:

那些觸動到你心的事物：

your stories, memories, visions and songs --

你的故事、記憶、所見、歌曲──

your truth,

你的真相，

your version of things --

你對事物的說法──

in your own voice.

用你自己的表達方式。

That's really all you have to offer us,

那就是你能給予我們的一切，

and that's also why you were born.

那也是你為什麼出生的原因。

Seven: publication and temporary creative successes

第七條：你得從出版 以及暫時的創意成功

are something you have to recover from.

當中恢復。

They kill as many people as not.

如果你沒有，你就會被它們扼殺。

They will hurt, damage and change you

它們會用你無法想像的方式

in ways you cannot imagine.

傷害、損毀、改變你。

The most degraded and evil people I've ever known

我所知道最墮落、最邪惡的人，

are male writers who've had huge best sellers.

是有過大賣暢銷書的男作家。

And yet, returning to number one, that all truth is paradox,

但回到第一條， 所有真相都是矛盾，

it's also a miracle to get your work published,

能讓你的作品被出版，

to get your stories read and heard.

讓你的故事被人閱讀、聽見， 也是一項奇蹟。

Just try to bust yourself gently of the fantasy

只要試著輕輕將空想給打破，

that publication will heal you,

別再認為出版會治癒你、

that it will fill the Swiss-cheesy holes inside of you.

會填滿你內心像瑞士起司 表面一樣布滿的洞。

It can't.

它不能。

It won't.

它不會。

But writing can.

但寫作可以做到這些。

So can singing in a choir or a bluegrass band.

在合唱團或藍草鄉村樂團中 唱歌也可以。

So can painting community murals or birding

在社區牆壁上作畫或是賞鳥，

or fostering old dogs that no one else will.

或是領養沒人要的老狗也可以。

Number eight: families.

第八條：家人。

Families are hard, hard, hard,

家人很不容易， 很不容易，很不容易，

no matter how cherished and astonishing they may also be.

不論他們也是多麼 被珍惜及令人驚訝。

Again, see number one.

同樣的，再看一下第一條。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

At family gatherings where you suddenly feel homicidal or suicidal --

若在家庭聚會中，你突然 覺得想殺人或是自殺──

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

remember that in all cases,

要記得，在所有的情況中，

it's a miracle that any of us, specifically, were conceived and born.

我們每一個人能被生出來， 都是一個奇蹟。

Earth is forgiveness school.

地球是一所教寬恕的學校。

It begins with forgiving yourself,

它始於寬恕你自己，

and then you might as well start at the dinner table.

接著你不妨就從餐桌開始。

That way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.

這樣，你就可以穿著 舒適的褲子來做這項工作。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

When William Blake said that we are here

威廉．布萊克說，我們在這裡，

to learn to endure the beams of love,

是要學習去忍受愛的光芒，

he knew that your family would be an intimate part of this,

他知道你的家庭會是 這其中很親密的一部分，

even as you want to run screaming for your cute little life.

即使你想要為你可愛的 小小人生邊跑邊大叫。

But I promise you are up to it.

但我保證，你可以勝任它。

You can do it, Cinderella, you can do it,

你可以做到，灰姑娘，你可以做到，

and you will be amazed.

而你將會感到驚奇。

Nine: food.

第九條：食物。

Try to do a little better.

試著做好一點點。

I think you know what I mean.

我想你知道我的意思。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Number 10 --

第十條：

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

grace.

優雅。

Grace is spiritual WD-40,

or water wings.

或學習游泳的浮袋。

The mystery of grace is that God loves Henry Kissinger and Vladimir Putin

優雅之謎是：神愛亨利．季辛吉 及佛拉迪米爾．普丁，

and me

還有我，

exactly as much as He or She loves your new grandchild.

愛的程度就完全跟 祂愛你的新生孫子一樣。

Go figure.

自己去想。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

The movement of grace is what changes us, heals us

是優雅的動作在 改變我們、治癒我們，

and heals our world.

及治癒我們的世界。

To summon grace, say, "Help," and then buckle up.

要召喚優雅，喊聲「救命」， 然後繫好安全帶。

Grace finds you exactly where you are,

優雅會找到你的所在，

but it doesn't leave you where it found you.

但它不會把你丟在它找到你的地方。

And grace won't look like Casper the Friendly Ghost,

優雅看起來並不像鬼馬小精靈，

regrettably.

很遺憾。

But the phone will ring or the mail will come

但電話會響起，或信件會寄來，

and then against all odds,

接著，儘管困難重重，

you'll get your sense of humor about yourself back.

你會找回對你自己的幽默感。

Laughter really is carbonated holiness.

笑，其實就是含二氧化碳的神聖。

It helps us breathe again and again

它協助我們一而再再而三地呼吸，

and gives us back to ourselves,

並把我們還給我們自己，

and this gives us faith in life and each other.

這給予了我們對人生 以及對彼此的信念。

And remember -- grace always bats last.

切記──優雅總是最後才出擊。

Eleven: God just means goodness.

第十一條：神只意味著善良。

It's really not all that scary.

它並沒有那麼可怕。

It means the divine or a loving, animating intelligence,

它意味著神聖或慈愛、 有生氣的智慧，

or, as we learned from the great "Deteriorata,"

或是如我們從偉大的詩 「Deteriorata」中所學到的，

"the cosmic muffin."

「宇宙鬆餅」。

A good name for God is: "Not me."

神有一個好名字：「不是我」。

Emerson said that the happiest person on Earth

艾默生說，地球上最快樂的人，

is the one who learns from nature the lessons of worship.

是從大自然的崇拜課程學習的人。

So go outside a lot and look up.

所以，要常常出門並向上看。

My pastor said you can trap bees on the bottom of mason jars without lids

我的牧師說，你可以把蜜蜂 困在無蓋的寬口玻璃罐底部，

because they don't look up,

因為牠們不會向上看，

so they just walk around bitterly bumping into the glass walls.

所以牠們就痛苦地來回走， 不斷撞著玻璃壁。

Go outside. Look up.

去外面。向上看。

Secret of life.

這就是人生的秘密。

And finally: death.

最後：死亡。

Number 12.

第十二條。

Wow and yikes.

哇，還有，呀。

It's so hard to bear when the few people you cannot live without die.

當那少數你無法失去的人過世， 是非常難承受的。

You'll never get over these losses, and no matter what the culture says,

你永遠無法忘掉這些損失， 不論文化怎麼說，

you're not supposed to.

你本來就不該忘掉。

We Christians like to think of death as a major change of address,

我們基督徒偏好將死亡視為是 住址有很大的改變，

but in any case, the person will live again fully in your heart

但在任何情況下，這個人都會 再次完全地活在你的心中，

if you don't seal it off.

只要你不把心給封起來。

Like Leonard Cohen said, "There are cracks in everything,

如李歐納．柯恩說的： 「萬物皆有裂痕，

and that's how the light gets in."

那是光照進來的地方。」

And that's how we feel our people again fully alive.

這就是我們如何感受到 我們的人再次完整地活著。

Also, the people will make you laugh out loud

此外，這些人會讓你 在最不適宜的時刻

at the most inconvenient times,

大聲笑出來，

and that's the great good news.

而那是很好的消息。

But their absence will also be a lifelong nightmare of homesickness for you.

但他們不在了，這也會是 你一生懷念的惡夢。

Grief and friends, time and tears will heal you to some extent.

悲傷及朋友，時間及眼淚， 能將你治癒到某個程度。

Tears will bathe and baptize and hydrate and moisturize you

眼淚將會浸洗、洗禮、 濕潤、滋潤你，

and the ground on which you walk.

以及你所行走的地面。

Do you know the first thing that God says to Moses?

你們知道神對摩西說的第一句話嗎？

He says, "Take off your shoes."

祂說：「脫下你的鞋子。」

Because this is holy ground, all evidence to the contrary.

因為這是神聖之地， 所有相反的證據。

It's hard to believe, but it's the truest thing I know.

很難相信，但這是 我所知道最真實的事。

When you're a little bit older, like my tiny personal self,

當你再年長一點，就像 我那小小的個人自我，

you realize that death is as sacred as birth.

你就會明白，死亡 是和出生一樣神聖的。

And don't worry -- get on with your life.

不要擔心──繼續過你的人生。

Almost every single death is easy and gentle

幾乎每一個死亡都是寬容且溫柔的，

with the very best people surrounding you

有著最棒的人們圍繞在你身邊，

for as long as you need.

不論多久，只要你需要。

You won't be alone.

你不會孤單。

They'll help you cross over to whatever awaits us.

他們會協助你穿過任何 等在我們前方的事物。

As Ram Dass said,

如拉姆．達斯所言：

"When all is said and done,

「當能說的說了，能做的做了，

we're really just all walking each other home."

我們其實都只是 在陪著彼此走回家。」

I think that's it,

我想，就這樣了，

but if I think of anything else,

但如果我有想到其他的，

I'll let you know.

我會讓你們知道。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I was very surprised to be asked to come,

我很意外會被邀請來此，

because it is not my realm,

因為這不是我的領域，

technology or design or entertainment.

科技或設計或娛樂。

I mean, my realm is sort of faith and writing

我的意思是，我的領域 算是信仰和寫作，

and kind of lurching along together.

有點像是一起蹣跚向前行。

And I was surprised,

我很意外，

but they said I could give a talk, and I said I'd love to.

但他們說我能做一場演說， 我說我很樂意。

(Video) If you don't know where to start,

（影片）如果你不知道從何開始，

remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours

切記，發生在你身上的 每一件事，都是屬於你的，

and you get to tell it.

而你可以訴說它們。

Anne Lamott: People are very frightened and feel really doomed

安．拉莫特： 現今在美國，人們非常害怕，

in America these days,

且覺得在劫難逃，

and I just wanted to help people get their sense of humor about it

我只是想要協助人們 找到對此的幽默感，

and to realize how much isn't a problem.

了解到它其實一點也不是個問題。

If you take an action,

如果你採取行動，

take a really healthy or loving or friendly action,

採取一個非常健康、 慈愛，或友善的行動，

you'll have loving and friendly feelings.

你就會有慈愛和友善的感受。