Letting go of God | Julia Sweeney

翻译人员: franky zhang 校对人员: Joe Liu

On September 10, the morning of my seventh birthday,

9月10日，在我7岁生日的早晨，

I came downstairs to the kitchen, where my mother was washing the dishes

我下楼去厨房，看见我母亲在洗碗

and my father was reading the paper or something,

我父亲在看报纸

and I sort of presented myself to them in the doorway, and they said,

当他们发现我出现在厨房门口的时候，他们祝贺我说：

"Hey, happy birthday!" And I said, "I'm seven."

“嘿，生日快乐。”我回答，“我7岁了”

And my father smiled and said,

我父亲微笑着对我说：

"Well, you know what that means, don't you?"

“你知道那代表什么，对吧？”

And I said, "Yeah, that I'm going to have a party

我回答说：“当然，代表我会有个生日宴会，生日蛋糕，

and a cake and get a lot of presents?"

还会收到许多礼物。”我父亲说，"是的

And my dad said, "Well, yes.

But more importantly,

但是，更重要的是，7岁意味着你已经到了理性的年龄了

being seven means that you've reached the age of reason,

and you're now capable of committing any and all sins against God and man."

现在你已经有能力犯下所有亵渎上帝和人类罪恶了。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, I had heard this phrase, "age of reason," before.

我原来就听说过“理性的年龄”这种说法。

Sister Mary Kevin had been bandying it about

在我二年级的时候，玛丽凯文姐姐曾经随口和我提起过

my second-grade class at school.

但那只是在学校二年级的课堂上。并且当她提到这个词的时候

But when she said it,

the phrase seemed all caught up in the excitement of preparations

也都是因为我们都沉浸在为了我们第一次宗教告解与交流

for our first communion and our first confession,

做准备的兴奋之中。

而且大家都知道那只是意味着白色的礼服和面纱

and everybody knew that was really all about the white dress

and the white veil.

And anyway, I hadn't really paid all that much attention

无论如何，我真的没太在意"理性的年龄”的这种说法

to that phrase, "age of reason."

So, I said, "Yeah, yeah, age of reason. What does that mean again?"

所以我说，“好吧，理性的年龄，再告诉我一遍，那是什么意思？”

And my dad said, "Well, we believe, in the Catholic Church,

我父亲说，“我们信仰天主教

that God knows that little kids don't know the difference between right and wrong,

我们认为上帝知道小孩没有辨别是非的能力½

but when you're seven, you're old enough to know better.

但你到了七岁的时候，你已经有这种能力了。

你长大了，到了理性的年龄，现在，

So, you've grown up and reached the age of reason,

and now God will start keeping notes on you,

上帝会开始记录你的行为，这个记录将会成为你永恒的档案。”

and begin your permanent record."

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I said, "Oh ...

我说：“哦~~~等等，你的意思是：

Wait a minute.

You mean all that time, up till today,

在今天以前，我一直是个好孩子，但是上帝从来没有注意到？”

all that time I was so good, God didn't notice it?"

And my mom said, "Well, I noticed it."

妈妈说：“啊，但我注意到了。”

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And I thought, "How could I not have known this before?

我想：“之前我怎么可能不知道这件事呢？

How could it not have sunk in when they'd been telling me?

他们一直告诉我，我怎么没领悟到呢？

当了那么久的好孩子，但什么功劳也没有。

All that being good and no real credit for it.

And worst of all, how could I not have realized

最糟的是，我竟然到了这条重要信息对我来说完全没有用的那天

this very important information

才发现这个事实。”

until the very day that it was basically useless to me?"

So I said, "Well, Mom and Dad, what about Santa Claus?

我接着说：“爸爸妈妈，那圣诞老人呢？

I mean, Santa Claus knows if you're naughty or nice, right?"

我的意思是，圣诞老人知道你乖不乖，对吗？”

And my dad said, "Yeah, but, honey,

爸爸说：“是的，但宝贝，

I think that's technically just between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

我觉得那只限于感恩节和圣诞节之间。”

And my mother said, "Oh, Bob, stop it. Let's just tell her. I mean, she's seven.

妈妈接着说：“得了吧，鲍勃，直接告诉他吧，

你看，她已经七岁了。朱莉，世界上没有圣诞老人。”

Julie, there is no Santa Claus."

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Now, this was actually not that upsetting to me.

其实，我并没有受到太大的打击。

My parents had this whole elaborate story about Santa Claus:

我的父母曾精心编造过关于圣诞老人的故事：

how they had talked to Santa Claus himself and agreed

他们是怎么与圣诞老人商量和决定

that instead of Santa delivering our presents

尽管圣诞老人都在平安夜

over the night of Christmas Eve,

亲自给其他人送礼物

like he did for every other family who got to open their surprises

让他们能够在圣诞节当天早上打开礼物，

first thing Christmas morning,

our family would give Santa more time.

我们家会给圣诞老人多一点时间

Santa would come to our house while we were at nine o'clock high mass

让他在圣诞节早上九点，我们在弥撒的时候

on Christmas morning, but only if all of us kids did not make a fuss.

来我们家送礼物，而且前提是我们小孩子没有制造任何麻烦。

Which made me very suspicious.

这曾经使我感到十分可疑。

It was pretty obvious that it was really our parents giving us the presents.

相当明显，其实是我们的父母在给我们礼物。

I mean, my dad had a very distinctive wrapping style,

爸爸有一个非常独特的包装礼物风格，

and my mother's handwriting was so close to Santa's.

而我母亲的笔迹是如此接近圣诞老人的。

(Laughter)

Plus, why would Santa save time by having to loop back

况且，圣诞老人去遍其他人家里后

to our house after he'd gone to everybody else's?

还要在绕回来到我们家，这样怎么算节省时间呢？

There was only one obvious conclusion to reach from this mountain of evidence:

这一大堆证据之中，我得出了一个明显的结论：

our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit,

我们家太奇怪了。

连圣诞老人都不想拜访

and my poor parents were trying to protect us from the embarrassment,

而我的父母只是想保护我们

this humiliation of rejection by Santa, who was jolly --

不让我们受到代表欢乐的圣诞老人拒绝访问我们家的羞辱。

but let's face it, he was also very judgmental.

但事实是他不光代表快乐，他还很喜欢评判别人。

So to find out that there was no Santa Claus at all

所以，对于发现圣诞老人不存在的事实，我其实松了一口气。

was actually sort of a relief.

I left the kitchen not really in shock about Santa,

离开厨房时，我不是特别的惊讶

but rather, I was just dumbfounded

只是有点错愕

about how I could have missed this whole age of reason thing.

我怎么会对”理性的年龄“这个概念一无所知。

It was too late for me, but maybe I could help someone else,

现在知道这些对我来说是太迟了，但我还有可能帮助别人，

someone who could use the information.

那些需要这些资料的人。

They had to fit two criteria:

他们要满足两个条件：

they had to be old enough to be able to understand

第一，他们的年纪应该足够大，大到

the whole concept of the age of reason, and not yet seven.

能够了解这“理性的年龄”的概念；第二，他们还没有到七岁。

The answer was clear: my brother Bill. He was six.

答案很明显：我的弟弟比尔。他六岁。

Well, I finally found Bill

我在离家大概一条街的地方找到了比尔

about a block away from our house at this public school playground.

他在一个公共学校操场上。那天是星期六

It was a Saturday, and he was all by himself,

比尔一个人在那里，冲着一面墙踢球玩。

just kicking a ball against the side of a wall.

I ran up to him and said, "Bill!

我跑到他面前，说：“比尔！

I just realized that the age of reason starts when you turn seven,

我刚意识到，理性的年龄在你七岁以后就开始了，

and then you're capable of committing any and all sins

从你七岁生日的那天开始，你就有能力犯下所有亵渎上帝和人类罪恶了

against God and man."

比尔说：“那又怎样？“ 我说：

And Bill said, "So?"

And I said, "So, you're six.

你现在六岁。你还有一整年可以做你要做的事

You have a whole year to do anything you want to and God won't notice it."

而上帝不会注意的。“他又说：“那又怎样？”我冲他嚷嚷道：

And he said, "So?"

And I said, "So? So everything!"

“那怎样？为所欲为！“我转身跑了。我真的很生他的气。

And I turned to run. I was so angry with him.

But when I got to the top of the steps,

但当我跑到最高一级楼梯时，我戏剧般的转过身

I turned around dramatically and said,

说：“对了，比尔，圣诞老人不存在。"

"Oh, by the way, Bill -- there is no Santa Claus."

(Laughter)

(笑声）

Now, I didn't know it at the time,

但那时我还不知道

but I really wasn't turning seven on September 10th.

我的七岁生日不是真的在九月十号。

For my 13th birthday,

我为了十三岁的生日筹备了一个通宵派对，

I planned a slumber party with all of my girlfriends,

but a couple of weeks beforehand my mother took me aside and said,

但是几个星期前，妈妈把我带到一旁，说：

"I need to speak to you privately.

“我要单独跟你说点事情。

September 10th is not your birthday. It's October 10th."

你的生日不是9月10日，是10月10号。“ 我说：“什么？”

And I said, "What?"

(Laughter)

And she said ...

（笑声）

她说：“听我说。幼稚园的报名要求是在9月15日之前出生。“

(Laughter)

"Listen. The cut-off date to start kindergarten was September 15th."

(Laughter)

（笑声）

"So I told them that your birthday was September 10th,

“所以我告诉他们你的生日是九月十号，

and then I wasn't sure

但我不确定你会不会到处告诉别人你真实的生日日期，

that you weren't just going to go blab it all over the place,

so I started to tell you your birthday was September 10th.

所以我也告诉你，你的生日是九月十号。

But, Julie, you were so ready to start school, honey. You were so ready."

朱莉，你当时已经完全可以开始上学了，亲爱的。完全可以。“

I thought about it, and when I was four,

我想了想，当我四岁的时候

I was already the oldest of four children,

我已经是四个孩子当中最大的了，

and my mother even had another child to come,

而且还有另外一个孩子在我妈的肚子里。

so what I think she -- understandably -- really meant

所以她的意思应该是，她真得很需要我能够上学了，

was that she was so ready, she was so ready.

真得很需要。她接着说：

Then she said, "Don't worry, Julie.

Every year on October 10th,

“不用担心，朱莉，每年十月十号，你生日的时候，

when it was your birthday but you didn't realize it,

虽然你不知道，我一定让你

I made sure that you ate a piece of cake that day."

在那天吃一块蛋糕。“

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Which was comforting, but troubling.

这令我感到安慰但很郁闷 。

My mother had been celebrating my birthday with me, without me.

我的妈妈一直在和我一起庆祝生日，在我不知情的情况下。

(Laughter)

What was so upsetting about this new piece of information

这条消息真的很让我郁闷，

was not that I had to change the date of my slumber party

不是因为我不得不告诉我所有要好的女朋友

with all of my girlfriends.

我需要更改我派对的日期

What was most upsetting was that this meant I was not a Virgo.

最让我恼火的是：这意味着我不是处女座。

I had a huge Virgo poster in my bedroom.

我卧室里贴了一张很大的处女座海报，

And I read my horoscope every single day,

我每天都阅读我的每日星运，而且星运里说的的根本就是我嘛。

and it was so totally me.

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And this meant that I was a Libra?

然后现在弄了半天我是天秤座的？

So, I took the bus downtown to get the new Libra poster.

于是，我乘巴士到市中心买新的天秤座海报。

The Virgo poster is a picture of a beautiful woman with long hair,

处女座的海报中画的是一个长发美女，

sort of lounging by some water,

懒洋洋的躺在水边。

but the Libra poster is just a huge scale.

而天秤座的海报画的只是一个巨大的天平

This was around the time that I started filling out physically,

那时的我正好处于女孩子开始发胖的时候，

and I was filling out a lot more than a lot of the other girls,

而我比其他的女孩子发胖得更多

and frankly, the whole idea that my astrological sign was a scale

而且说实在的，当我知道我的星座是一个秤之后，

just seemed ominous and depressing.

觉得既不祥又沮丧。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But I got the new Libra poster,

但我还是买了新的天秤座海报

and I started to read my new Libra horoscope,

并开始阅读我新的天秤座星运，

and I was astonished to find that it was also totally me.

我惊讶地发现，它描述的也完全是我。

(Laughter)

It wasn't until years later, looking back

直到多年以后，当我回想起

on this whole age-of-reason, change-of-birthday thing,

整个“理智的年龄“，”生日变换“的事件

that it dawned on me:

我才突然觉悟，在我以为我已经七岁的时候

I wasn't turning seven when I thought I turned seven.

我还不到七岁！在上帝开始记录我的言行之前，我还有一整个月

I had a whole other month

to do anything I wanted to before God started keeping tabs on me.

我还有一整个月去做任何想做的事。

Oh, life can be so cruel.

啊，生命真残忍。

One day, two Mormon missionaries came to my door.

有一天，两位摩门教传教士来敲我的门

Now, I just live off a main thoroughfare in Los Angeles,

当时我住在洛杉矶的一天主干道边上

and my block is -- well, it's a natural beginning

在这个街区里到处都是

for people who are peddling things door to door.

挨家挨户上门推销的人

Sometimes I get little old ladies from the Seventh Day Adventist Church

有时候基督复临安息日教会的老妇人们会来

showing me these cartoon pictures of heaven.

给我看一些天堂的卡通图片。

And sometimes I get teenagers who promise me

又有时候，一些青年会来，

that they won't join a gang and just start robbing people,

他们发誓，只要我向他们订阅杂志

if I only buy some magazine subscriptions from them.

他们就不会加入帮派，不会抢劫。

So normally, I just ignore the doorbell, but on this day, I answered.

由于这些理由，平时门铃响了我都不去管它，但这一天我应了门。

And there stood two boys, each about 19, in white, starched short-sleeved shirts,

两个看起来差不多十九岁的男孩子站在那里，

穿着笔挺的短袖白衬衫，

and they had little name tags

that identified them as official representatives

戴着耶稣基督后期圣徒教会的小名牌，

说明他们是这个教会的正式代表。

of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,

and they said they had a message for me, from God.

他们说，他们给我来了上帝的旨意。

I said, "A message for me? From God?" And they said, "Yes."

我说：“给我的旨意？来自上帝？“他们说：“是的。“

Now, I was raised in the Pacific Northwest,

我在太平洋西北地区长大

around a lot of Church of Latter-day Saints people and, you know,

接触过很多来自耶稣基督后期圣徒教会的人

I've worked with them and even dated them,

知道么？我曾经和他们一起工作甚至约会

but I never really knew the doctrine,

但我从来没有真正了解他们的学说

or what they said to people when they were out on a mission,

或他们在传播福音的时候对别人说的理论。我想那时我只是一些好奇

and I guess I was sort of curious, so I said, "Well, please, come in."

就说：“请进来吧。“ 他们看起来十分开心，

And they looked really happy,

因此我认为这种待遇对他们来说是很难得的

because I don't think this happens to them all that often.

（笑声）

(Laughter)

And I sat them down, and I got them glasses of water --

我请他们坐下，给他们倒了两杯水-

Ok, I got it, I got it.

行了，我搞定了。我给他们倒了两杯水。

I got them glasses of water.

Don't touch my hair, that's the thing.

别动我的头发，我知道

(Laughter)

（笑声）

You can't put a video of myself in front of me

你不可能让我看着自己的直播

and expect me not to fix my hair.

然后希望我不要整理我的头发。

Ok.

（笑声）

(Laughter)

现在行了。我让他们坐下，给他们倒了两杯水，

So I sat them down and I got them glasses of water,

and after niceties, they said,

在完成了基本的礼节之后，他们说，“你相信上帝是真心爱心你的吗？”

"Do you believe that God loves you with all his heart?"

And I thought, "Well, of course I believe in God,

我想：“我当然相信上帝，

but you know, I don't like that word 'heart,'

但是，知道吗？我不喜欢“心“这个词，

because it anthropomorphizes God,

因为上帝好像被拟人化了，

and I don't like the word, 'his,' either, because that sexualizes God."

我也不喜欢“他的”这个词，因为这样上帝就有了性别

But I didn't want to argue semantics with these boys,

不过，我不想和这些男孩争辩语义，

so after a very long, uncomfortable pause, I said,

所以很窘的沉默了很久后，我说：

"Yes, yes, I do. I feel very loved."

“对，对，我感到上帝的爱。“

And they looked at each other and smiled,

他们相视一笑，

like that was the right answer.

这就对了！ 然后他们说：

And then they said, "Do you believe

“你相信同在这个星球上的我们都是兄弟姐妹吗？”

that we're all brothers and sisters on this planet?"

我回答：“对，对，我相信。“ 我感到十分庆幸

And I said, "Yes, I do."

And I was so relieved that it was a question I could answer so quickly.

那是一个我轻易就能回答的问题。

And they said, "Well, then we have a story to tell you."

他们说：“我们有一个故事给你听。“

And they told me this story all about this guy named Lehi,

然后便给我讲了一个关于利哈伊的家伙，

who lived in Jerusalem in 600 BC.

他生在耶路撒冷公元前600年。

Now, apparently in Jerusalem in 600 BC, everyone was completely bad and evil.

显然，在公元前600年的耶路撒冷，

每个人都是坏人，邪恶的人。每个都是。

Every single one of them: man, woman, child, infant, fetus.

男人，女人，小孩，婴儿，胎儿。

And God came to Lehi and said to him,

上帝来到利哈伊，对他说，“把你的家人叫上船

"Put your family on a boat and I will lead you out of here."

我会带你离开这里。“ 神真的带领他们

And God did lead them.

He led them to America.

带领他们到美国。

I said, "America?

我说：“美国？在公元前600年，从耶路撒冷坐船到美国？”

(Laughter)

From Jerusalem to America by boat in 600 BC?"

And they said, "Yes."

他们说："没错。“

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Then they told me how Lehi and his descendants

然后他们告诉我里哈伊和他的后代

reproduced and reproduced, and over the course of 600 years,

一代代的传承下去，600年之后

there were two great races of them, the Nephites and the Lamanites,

他们分成了两个族系：尼法族和拉玛奈特族

and the Nephites were totally good -- each and every one of them --

尼发族的每一个人都是好人

and the Lamanites were totally bad and evil --

而拉玛奈特族的每一个人都非常邪恶

每个人都邪恶到骨子里去了

every single one of them just bad to the bone.

笑声

Then, after Jesus died on the cross for our sins,

那时，在耶稣基督因为人类的罪恶而死于十字架

on his way up to heaven,

他在向天堂飞升的途中在美国停了一会，拜访尼法族人

he stopped by America and visited the Nephites.

(Laughter)

笑声

And he told them that if they all remained totally, totally good --

告诉尼法族人他们是非常非常好的人

每一个都是

each and every one of them --

they would win the war against the evil Lamanites.

所以在与邪恶的拉玛奈特族人的战争中，他们会胜利

But apparently somebody blew it,

但很显然有人把这事搞砸了

because the Lamanites were able to kill all the Nephites.

拉玛奈特族人最后杀死了所有的尼法族人

All but one guy, this guy named Mormon,

只有一个叫摩门的尼法族人活了下来

who managed to survive by hiding in the woods.

因为他藏在了树林里

And he made sure this whole story was written down

并且他把这整个故事

in reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics chiseled onto gold plates,

用埃及的象形文字刻在了金器上

which he then buried near Palmyra, New York.

并将金器埋在了巴尔米拉，纽约

(Laughter)

笑声

Well, I was just on the edge of my seat.

我当时坐在椅子的边缘

(Laughter)

笑声

I said, "What happened to the Lamanites?"

我问道：那拉玛奈特族人怎么样了？

And they said, "Well, they became our Native Americans, here in the U.S."

他们回答说：他们变成了现在的美国本地人

然后我说：你们相信我们美国人都是

And I said, "So, you believe the Native Americans are descended

from a people who were totally evil?"

那些邪恶到骨子里的人的后代？ 他们说：是的！

And they said, "Yes."

Then they told me how this guy named Joseph Smith

然后他们告诉我有个叫约瑟夫.史密斯的人

found those buried gold plates right in his backyard,

在他的后花园里发现了埋藏的金器

and he also found this magic stone back there that he put into his hat

而且他还发现了一块魔法石，他把魔法石放进帽子了

然后把自己的脸也塞了进去，这样他就能

and then buried his face into,

and this allowed him to translate the gold plates

把金器上的象形文字翻译成英文了

from the reformed Egyptian into English.

Well, at this point I just wanted to give these two boys some advice

这时候，我只是想给这两个年轻人

一些关于他们的推销技巧的建议

about their pitch.

(Laughter)

笑声

I wanted to say --

我想说：别一开始就告诉别人这个故事

(Applause)

"Ok, don't start with this story."

(Laughter)

I mean, even the Scientologists

我的意思是即使科学论派在开始之前也会给人做一个性格测试

know to start with a personality test before they start --

(Applause)

掌声

telling people all about Xenu, the evil intergalactic overlord.

然后在告诉别人有关Xenu，银河系最高霸主的事情

Then, they said, "Do you believe that God speaks to us

然后他们说：那你相信上帝是通过他授权的先知们向我们传递福音的么？

through his righteous prophets?"

不，我不相信，我这么回答到

And I said, "No, I don't,"

because I was sort of upset about this Lamanite story

因为整个拉玛奈特族的故事让我有些生气

还有那些疯狂的金器。 但事实是：

and this crazy gold plate story,

but the truth was, I hadn't really thought this through,

我还没有想通整个故事。于是我改口问道：

so I backpedaled a little and I said,

"Well, what exactly do you mean by 'righteous'?

你说的授权是什么意思？

And what do you mean by prophets? Like, could the prophets be women?"

先知又是什么人？他们可能是女的么？

And they said, "No." And I said, "Why?"

然后他们回答到：不可能。 我问为什么？他们说：

And they said, "Well, it's because God gave women a gift

因为上帝已经给了女人一件无以伦比的礼物

that is so spectacular,

it is so wonderful, that the only gift he had left over to give men

这件礼物是这么的美妙，基于此，唯一留下来给男人的礼物

was the gift of prophecy."

就是先知的能力

What is this wonderful gift God gave women, I wondered?

那么， 我在想：什么又是上帝给女人的礼物呢？

也许是她们具有比男人更好的合作和适应的能力？

Maybe their greater ability to cooperate and adapt?

(Laughter)

Women's longer lifespan?

或者女人更长寿？还是女人没有男人们那么暴力？

The fact that women tend to be much less violent than men?

但这些都不是女人所得到的礼物。

But no -- it wasn't any of these gifts.

They said, "Well, it's her ability to bear children."

他们说：女人得到的礼物是怀孕的能力。

I said, "Oh, come on.

我说：嗐，得了吧。即使女人们从他们15岁开始直到45岁

I mean, even if women tried to have a baby every single year

每年都生一个小孩

from the time they were 15 to the time they were 45,

assuming they didn't die from exhaustion,

假设他们不会过劳死的话

it still seems like some women would have some time left over

她们还是会有时间去聆听上帝的启示的

to hear the word of God."

他们说：才不是呢。

And they said, "No."

(Laughter)

笑声

Well, then they didn't look so fresh-faced and cute to me any more,

现在，我再也不觉得他们青春洋溢和可爱了，

但他们还继续有话说

but they had more to say.

They said, "Well, we also believe that if you're a Mormon,

还有，我们相信你即使不是摩门教徒

and if you're in good standing with the church,

但仍然定期去教堂并且声誉良好，在你死后

when you die, you get to go to heaven

你依然可以进入天堂，与家人团聚，直到永远。

and be with your family for all eternity."

And I said, "Oh, dear.

然后我说：天呐，

(Laughter)

笑声

That wouldn't be such a good incentive for me."

这对我来说不是一个很好的动力

(Laughter)

笑声

And they said, "Oh.

他们继续说到：知道么?我们还相信

(Laughter)

Hey! Well, we also believe that when you go to heaven,

当你到了天堂之后，你的身体会重新变得完整

you get your body restored to you in its best original state.

回到最初的状态

Like, if you'd lost a leg, well, you get it back.

比如说：如果你少了条腿，你到了天堂就会重新得回来

Or, if you'd gone blind, you could see."

或者说如果你是盲人，你就会重获视力

I said, "Oh. Now, I don't have a uterus,

我说：那几年前因为癌症的原因我失去了子宫

because I had cancer a few years ago.

那是不是意味着我到了天堂以后

So does this mean that if I went to heaven,

I would get my old uterus back?"

我会得到我原来的子宫？他们说是的

And they said, "Sure."

And I said, "I don't want it back. I'm happy without it." Gosh.

然后我说：我根本不想要他回来，没了他我挺开心的。

What if you had a nose job and you liked it?

天哪，要是有人做了鼻子整形手术并且很喜欢手术后的鼻子呢？

(Laughter)

笑声

Would God force you to get your old nose back?

上帝会逼你把鼻子弄回到原来的样子么？

Then they gave me this Book of Mormon,

然后，他们给了我一本摩门教派的书

told me to read this chapter and that chapter,

并让我阅读这一章，那一章

and said they'd come back and check in on me,

还告诉我他们会再回来看我

我想我的回答是：不着急，不着急

and I think I said something like, "Please don't hurry,"

或者直接就是：别再回来了。之后他们离开了

or maybe just, "Please don't," and they were gone.

Ok, so I initially felt really superior to these boys,

就这样，刚开始我觉得自己比这两个男孩强，

and smug in my more conventional faith.

并沾沾自喜于我的正常信仰，但不久之后

But then the more I thought about it, the more I had to be honest with myself.

我越是思考，越是不得不对自己诚实

如果有人跑到我家来，想我宣传天主教的理论与教义。

If someone came to my door

and I was hearing Catholic theology and dogma for the very first time,

他们会说：

and they said, "We believe that God impregnated a very young girl

我们相信上帝让一个年轻的女孩

without the use of intercourse,

无性受孕。

and the fact that she was a virgin is maniacally important to us."

并且保证这个女孩的处子之身有非常深远的重要意义

(Laughter)

笑声

"And she had a baby, and that's the son of God,"

然后这个女孩生了个孩子，就是上帝之子

I mean, I would think that's equally ridiculous.

我的意思是：我也会觉得这个说话荒谬之极

I'm just so used to that story.

只是我已经习惯了这个故事

(Laughter)

笑声

So, I couldn't let myself feel condescending towards these boys.

所以我才不会觉得自己和那两个男孩一样

But the question they asked me when they first arrived

但他们在刚来的时候问我的问题

一直在我的脑海里萦绕

really stuck in my head:

Did I believe that God loved me with all his heart?

我真的相信上帝全身心的爱着我么？

Because I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that question.

我不是很确定我对这个问题的感觉

但如果他们问我的问题是：

Now, if they had asked me,

"Do you feel that God loves you with all his heart?"

我能感觉到上帝在全身心的爱着我么？

Well, that would have been much different, I think I would have instantly answered,

那就会完全不同了。 我想我会有一个当机立断的回答

是的，是的。我一直能感受的到，我能感受到上帝的爱当我受伤和困惑的时候

"Yes, yes, I feel it all the time.

I feel God's love when I'm hurt and confused,

and I feel consoled and cared for.

这样的爱让我感到欣慰和安全。

I take shelter in God's love when I don't understand why tragedy hits,

当我不能理解为什么悲剧来临的时候，上帝的爱是我避风的港湾

and I feel God's love when I look with gratitude at all the beauty I see."

当我满怀感激，注视着眼前的美丽的时候，我亦能感受到上帝之爱。

But since they asked me that question with the word "believe" in it,

但基于他们的问题里提到了我是否相信

somehow it was all different,

某种意义上讲就巍峨安全不一样了

because I wasn't exactly sure if I believed what I so clearly felt.

因为我真的不确定我是否相信我的感觉