Letting go of God | Julia Sweeney

Prevoditelj: Silvija Florijan Recezent: Tilen Pigac - EFZG

On September 10, the morning of my seventh birthday,

10. rujna, na jutro mog sedmog rođendana,

I came downstairs to the kitchen, where my mother was washing the dishes

spustila sam se u kuhinju, gdje je moja majka prala suđe

and my father was reading the paper or something,

a moj otac čitao novine ili nešto slično,

and I sort of presented myself to them in the doorway, and they said,

pojavila sam se na vratima, i oni su rekli,

"Hey, happy birthday!" And I said, "I'm seven."

"Hej, sretan rođendan." Ja sam rekla, "Imam sedam godina."

And my father smiled and said,

Moj otac se smiješio i rekao,

"Well, you know what that means, don't you?"

"Dakle, znaš što to znači, zar ne?"

And I said, "Yeah, that I'm going to have a party

Rekla sam, "Da, imat ću zabavu i tortu

and a cake and get a lot of presents?"

i dobit ću puno poklona?" Moj tata je rekao, "Pa, da

And my dad said, "Well, yes.

But more importantly,

No, što je važnije, imati sedam znači da si dostigla dob razuma,

being seven means that you've reached the age of reason,

and you're now capable of committing any and all sins against God and man."

i sad si kadra počiniti grijeh protiv Boga i čovjeka."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Now, I had heard this phrase, "age of reason," before.

Čula sam taj izraz, "dob razuma" i prije.

Sister Mary Kevin had been bandying it about

Sestra Mary Kevin je raspravljala o tome

my second-grade class at school.

u drugom razredu osnovne. No kad je to ona rekla

But when she said it,

the phrase seemed all caught up in the excitement of preparations

izraz se činio povezan s uzbuđenjem oko priprema

for our first communion and our first confession,

za našu prvu pričest i prvu ispovijed,

i svi su znali da se zapravo radi o bijeloj haljini i bijelom velu,

and everybody knew that was really all about the white dress

and the white veil.

And anyway, I hadn't really paid all that much attention

u svakom slučaju, nisam obraćala pažnju na izraz "dob razuma".

to that phrase, "age of reason."

So, I said, "Yeah, yeah, age of reason. What does that mean again?"

Rekla sam, "Da, da, dob razuma. Što to, još jednom, znači?"

And my dad said, "Well, we believe, in the Catholic Church,

I moj je otac rekao, "Pa, mi u katoličkoj crkvi vjerujemo

that God knows that little kids don't know the difference between right and wrong,

da Bog zna da mala djeca ne znaju razliku između dobrog i lošeg,

but when you're seven, you're old enough to know better.

no kad ti je sedam, imaš dovoljno godina da budeš pametnija.

Znači, narasla si i dostigla dob razuma, i sad će

So, you've grown up and reached the age of reason,

and now God will start keeping notes on you,

Bog bilježiti sve o tebi i otvoriti ti trajni dosje."

and begin your permanent record."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And I said, "Oh ...

I ja sam rekla, "Ah. Samo malo. Znači, sve ovo vrijeme,

Wait a minute.

You mean all that time, up till today,

do danas, sve ovo vrijeme što sam bila dobra, Bog nije primijetio?"

all that time I was so good, God didn't notice it?"

And my mom said, "Well, I noticed it."

Moja mama je rekla, "Pa, ja sam primijetila."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And I thought, "How could I not have known this before?

Pomislila sam, "Kako za to nisam prije znala?

How could it not have sunk in when they'd been telling me?

Kako to nisam zapamtila kad su mi govorili?

Bez zasluga za dobro ponašanje.

All that being good and no real credit for it.

And worst of all, how could I not have realized

I, što je najgore, kako nisam shvaćala tu jako važnu informaciju

this very important information

sve do dana kad mi je postala beskorisna?"

until the very day that it was basically useless to me?"

So I said, "Well, Mom and Dad, what about Santa Claus?

Zatim sam rekla, "Pa, Mama i Tata, što je s Djedom Mrazom?

I mean, Santa Claus knows if you're naughty or nice, right?"

Djed Mraz zna kad je netko dobar ili zločest, istina?"

And my dad said, "Yeah, but, honey,

I moj tata je rekao, "Da, ali, dušo,

I think that's technically just between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

mislim da je to tehnički samo između Dana zahvalnosti i Božića."

And my mother said, "Oh, Bob, stop it. Let's just tell her. I mean, she's seven.

I moja majka je rekla, "Ah, Bobe, prestani. Recimo joj.

Mislim, ima sedam. Julie, Djed Mraz ne postoji."

Julie, there is no Santa Claus."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Now, this was actually not that upsetting to me.

Sad, to me nije toliko uzrujalo.

My parents had this whole elaborate story about Santa Claus:

Moji roditelji su imali razrađenu priču o Djedu Mrazu:

how they had talked to Santa Claus himself and agreed

kako su osobno razgovarali s Djedom i složili se da,

that instead of Santa delivering our presents

umjesto da nam Djed donosi poklone uoči Božića,

over the night of Christmas Eve,

kao što je donosio svakoj drugoj obitelji,

like he did for every other family who got to open their surprises

koje su ih otvarale odmah na božićno jutro,

first thing Christmas morning,

our family would give Santa more time.

naša obitelj bi davala Djedu više vremena.

Santa would come to our house while we were at nine o'clock high mass

Djed bi dolazio u našu kuću kad bi bili na poldanici

on Christmas morning, but only if all of us kids did not make a fuss.

za božićno jutro, ali samo ako mi djeca ne bi galamila.

Which made me very suspicious.

Zbog čega sam postala jako sumnjičava.

It was pretty obvious that it was really our parents giving us the presents.

Bilo je očito da nam zapravo roditelju daju poklone.

I mean, my dad had a very distinctive wrapping style,

Mislim, moj tata je zamatao na poseban način,

and my mother's handwriting was so close to Santa's.

i majčin rukopis je jako nalikovao na Djedov.

(Laughter)

Plus, why would Santa save time by having to loop back

Plus, zašto bi Djed štedio vrijeme na povratku

to our house after he'd gone to everybody else's?

u našu kuću nakon što je obišao sve druge?

There was only one obvious conclusion to reach from this mountain of evidence:

Postoji samo jedan očit zaključak iz te hrpe dokaza:

our family was too strange and weird for even Santa Claus to come visit,

naša obitelj je bila previše neobična i čudna

čak i za Djeda Mraza,

and my poor parents were trying to protect us from the embarrassment,

i moji siroti roditelji su nas pokušavali zaštititi od srama,

this humiliation of rejection by Santa, who was jolly --

poniženja zbog odbacivanja Djeda, koji je bio veseo.

but let's face it, he was also very judgmental.

No, priznajmo, bio je također vrlo kritičan.

So to find out that there was no Santa Claus at all

Dakle, otkriti da Djed Mraz uopće ne postoji bilo je zapravo olakšanje.

was actually sort of a relief.

I left the kitchen not really in shock about Santa,

Otišla sam iz kuhinje zapravo ne u šoku zbog Djeda,

but rather, I was just dumbfounded

no više sam bila samo iznenađena

about how I could have missed this whole age of reason thing.

zbog toga kako sam mogla propustiti tu dob razuma.

It was too late for me, but maybe I could help someone else,

Bilo je prekasno za mene, no možda sam mogla pomoći nekome drugome,

someone who could use the information.

nekome tko je mogao upotrijebiti tu informaciju.

They had to fit two criteria:

Morao je ispunjavati dva kriterija:

they had to be old enough to be able to understand

morao je biti dovoljno star da razumije

the whole concept of the age of reason, and not yet seven.

cijeli koncept doba razuma, i još ne imati sedam.

The answer was clear: my brother Bill. He was six.

Odgovor je bio jasan: moj brat Bill. Imao je šest.

Well, I finally found Bill

Napokon sam pronašla Billa blok dalje od naše kuće

about a block away from our house at this public school playground.

na školskom igralištu. Bila je subota,

It was a Saturday, and he was all by himself,

i bio je sam, udarao je loptu o zid.

just kicking a ball against the side of a wall.

I ran up to him and said, "Bill!

Otrčala sam do njega i rekla, "Bille!

I just realized that the age of reason starts when you turn seven,

Upravo sam shvatila da dob razuma počinje kad navršiš sedam,

and then you're capable of committing any and all sins

i onda si kadar počiniti grijehe

against God and man."

protiv Boga i čovjeka." I Bill je rekao, "Pa?" I tad sam rekla,

And Bill said, "So?"

And I said, "So, you're six.

"Pa, imaš šest. Imaš još cijelu godinu da radiš što želiš

You have a whole year to do anything you want to and God won't notice it."

i Bog neće primijetiti." Rekao je, "Pa?" I ja sam rekla,

And he said, "So?"

And I said, "So? So everything!"

"Pa? Pa sve!" Okrenula sam se i potrčala. Bila sam tako ljuta na njega.

And I turned to run. I was so angry with him.

But when I got to the top of the steps,

Ali kad sam došla na vrh stuba, okrenula sam se dramatično

I turned around dramatically and said,

i rekla, "Ah, usput, Bille, Djed Mraz ne postoji."

"Oh, by the way, Bill -- there is no Santa Claus."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Now, I didn't know it at the time,

U to vrijeme nisam znala,

but I really wasn't turning seven on September 10th.

no zapravo nisam imala rođendan 10-og rujna.

For my 13th birthday,

Za svoj 13. rođendan, planirala sam zabavu u pidžamama sa svim svojim prijateljicama,

I planned a slumber party with all of my girlfriends,

but a couple of weeks beforehand my mother took me aside and said,

no par tjedana ranije moja me majka odvela u stranu i rekla,

"I need to speak to you privately.

"Moram razgovarati s tobom u četiri oka.

September 10th is not your birthday. It's October 10th."

Tvoj rođendan nije 10-og rujna, nego 10-og listopada." I ja sam rekla, "Što?"

And I said, "What?"

(Laughter)

And she said ...

(Smijeh)

I ona je rekla, "Slušaj. U vrtić su primali samo one koji su do 15-og rujna dostigli potreban uzrast."

(Laughter)

"Listen. The cut-off date to start kindergarten was September 15th."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"So I told them that your birthday was September 10th,

"Dakle, rekla sam im da ti je rođendan 10. rujna,

and then I wasn't sure

i nisam bila sigurna da li ćeš to svima izbrbljati,

that you weren't just going to go blab it all over the place,

so I started to tell you your birthday was September 10th.

pa sam ti počela govoriti da ti je rođendan 10-og rujna.

But, Julie, you were so ready to start school, honey. You were so ready."

No, Julie, bila si spremna da kreneš u školu, dušo. Bila si tako spremna."

I thought about it, and when I was four,

Razmislila sam o tome, i kad sam imala četiri,

I was already the oldest of four children,

bila sam najstarije od četvero djece,

and my mother even had another child to come,

i moja majka je već čekala drugo dijete,

so what I think she -- understandably -- really meant

pa mislim da je očito jasno mislila da je ona bila tako spremna,

was that she was so ready, she was so ready.

bila je tako spremna. Zatim je rekla,

Then she said, "Don't worry, Julie.

Every year on October 10th,

"Ne brini, Julie, svake godine 10. listopada kad je bio tvoj rođendan

when it was your birthday but you didn't realize it,

no ti nisi znala, potrudila sam se

I made sure that you ate a piece of cake that day."

da jedeš tortu taj dan."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Which was comforting, but troubling.

Što je bilo utješno, no uznemiravajuće.

My mother had been celebrating my birthday with me, without me.

Moja majka je slavila moj rođendan sa mnom, ali bez mene.

(Laughter)

What was so upsetting about this new piece of information

Ono što me ljutilo u vezi s tom novom informacijom

was not that I had to change the date of my slumber party

nije bilo što ću morati mijenjati datum svoje zabave

with all of my girlfriends.

sa svim svojim prijateljicama,

What was most upsetting was that this meant I was not a Virgo.

ljutilo me što to znači da nisam Djevica po horoskopu.

I had a huge Virgo poster in my bedroom.

Imala sam velik poster Djevice u svojoj sobi,

And I read my horoscope every single day,

i čitala sam horoskop svaki dan, i sve je o meni bilo točno.

and it was so totally me.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And this meant that I was a Libra?

I to je značilo da sam Vaga?

So, I took the bus downtown to get the new Libra poster.

Dakle, otišla sam busom u centar po novi poster Vage.

The Virgo poster is a picture of a beautiful woman with long hair,

Poster Djevice je bila slika prekrasne žene s dugom kosom,

sort of lounging by some water,

koja kao da je lješkarila kraj neke vode,

but the Libra poster is just a huge scale.

no poster Vage je samo velika sprava.

This was around the time that I started filling out physically,

To je bilo u vrijeme kad sam počela fizički sazrijevati,

and I was filling out a lot more than a lot of the other girls,

i sazrijevala sam brže od većine ostalih djevojaka,

and frankly, the whole idea that my astrological sign was a scale

i, iskreno, cijela se ideja da je moj horoskopski znak sprava

just seemed ominous and depressing.

činila zloslutno i depresivno.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

But I got the new Libra poster,

No kupila sam novi poster,

and I started to read my new Libra horoscope,

i počela sam čitati novi horoskop,

and I was astonished to find that it was also totally me.

i bila sam iznenađena kad sam otkrila da je sve o meni također bilo točno.

(Laughter)

It wasn't until years later, looking back

Tek godinama kasnije, prisjećajući se

on this whole age-of-reason, change-of-birthday thing,

tog doba razuma/promjene rođendana,

that it dawned on me:

shvatila sam da nisam navršila sedam

I wasn't turning seven when I thought I turned seven.

kad sam mislila da jesam. Imala sam cijeli drugi mjesec

I had a whole other month

to do anything I wanted to before God started keeping tabs on me.

da radim što želim prije no što me Bog počeo nadzirati.

Oh, life can be so cruel.

Ah, život može biti tako okrutan.

One day, two Mormon missionaries came to my door.

Jednog dana, dva mormonska misionara došla su na moja vrata.

Now, I just live off a main thoroughfare in Los Angeles,

Živim nedaleko od glavne prometnice u Los Angelesu,

and my block is -- well, it's a natural beginning

i moj je blok -- pa, prirodni početak

for people who are peddling things door to door.

ljudima koji torbare od kuće do kuće.

Sometimes I get little old ladies from the Seventh Day Adventist Church

Ponekad dolaze stare gospođe iz Kršćanske adventističke crkve

showing me these cartoon pictures of heaven.

koje mi pokazuju sličice raja.

And sometimes I get teenagers who promise me

Ponekad dolaze tinejdžeri koji obećavaju da se neće pridružiti bandi

that they won't join a gang and just start robbing people,

i početi pljačkati ljude kad bi se samo pretplatila

if I only buy some magazine subscriptions from them.

na neke časopise preko njih.

So normally, I just ignore the doorbell, but on this day, I answered.

Dakle, inače ignoriram zvono, no taj sam dan odgovorila.

And there stood two boys, each about 19, in white, starched short-sleeved shirts,

I tamo su stajala dva dječaka, od oko 19 godina,

u bijelim uškrobljenim košuljama kratkih rukava, imali su male oznake s imenima

and they had little name tags

that identified them as official representatives

koje su ih identificirale kao službene predstavnike

Crkve Isusa Krista svetaca posljednjih dana,

of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,

and they said they had a message for me, from God.

i koji su rekli da imaju poruku za mene od Boga.

I said, "A message for me? From God?" And they said, "Yes."

Rekla sam, "Poruka za mene? Od Boga?" Odgovorili su, "Da."

Now, I was raised in the Pacific Northwest,

Sad, odrasla sam na Pacifičkom sjeverozapadu,

around a lot of Church of Latter-day Saints people and, you know,

nedaleko od ljudi Crkve Isusa Krista svetaca i, znate,

I've worked with them and even dated them,

radila sam s njima i čak izlazila,

but I never really knew the doctrine,

ali nikad nisam znala njihovo učenje ili što su govorili ljudima

or what they said to people when they were out on a mission,

kad su bili na misiji, i pretpostavljam da sam bila nekako znatiželjna

and I guess I was sort of curious, so I said, "Well, please, come in."

pa sam rekla, "Dobro, molim, uđite." I izgledali su stvarno sretno,

And they looked really happy,

zato što ne mislim da im se to događa tako često.

because I don't think this happens to them all that often.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

And I sat them down, and I got them glasses of water --

Posjela sam ih, donijela čaše vode --

Ok, I got it, I got it.

OK, shvaćam. Donijela sam im čaše vode.

I got them glasses of water.

Don't touch my hair, that's the thing.

Ne dirajte mi kosu, u tome je stvar.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

You can't put a video of myself in front of me

Ne možete staviti ekran ispred mene

and expect me not to fix my hair.

i očekivati da ne popravljam kosu.

Ok.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

OK. Posjela sam ih i donijela čaše vode,

So I sat them down and I got them glasses of water,

and after niceties, they said,

i nakon izmijenjenih ljubaznosti su rekli, "Da li vjerujete da vas Bog voli svim svojim srcem?"

"Do you believe that God loves you with all his heart?"

And I thought, "Well, of course I believe in God,

I pomislila sam, "Pa, naravno da vjerujem u Boga,

but you know, I don't like that word 'heart,'

no, znate, ne volim tu riječ, srce,

because it anthropomorphizes God,

zato što humanizira Boga,

and I don't like the word, 'his,' either, because that sexualizes God."

i ne volim riječ, svojim, također, jer mu pripisuje spol."

But I didn't want to argue semantics with these boys,

No nisam htjela raspravljati o semantici s njima,

so after a very long, uncomfortable pause, I said,

pa sam nakon jako duge, neugodne pauze, rekla

"Yes, yes, I do. I feel very loved."

"Da, da, vjerujem. Osjećam da sam jako voljena."

And they looked at each other and smiled,

I pogledali su se i nasmiješili,

like that was the right answer.

kao da je to ispravan odgovor. I onda su rekli,

And then they said, "Do you believe

"Da li vjerujete da smo svi braća i sestre na ovom planetu?"

that we're all brothers and sisters on this planet?"

Rekla sam, "Da, da, vjerujem." I osjetila sam takvo olakšanje

And I said, "Yes, I do."

And I was so relieved that it was a question I could answer so quickly.

zato što je to bilo pitanje na koje sam mogla tako brzo odgovoriti.

And they said, "Well, then we have a story to tell you."

Rekli su, "Pa, imamo za vas priču."

And they told me this story all about this guy named Lehi,

I ispričali su mi o tom čovjeku po imenu Lehi,

who lived in Jerusalem in 600 BC.

koji je živio u Jeruzalemu 600.g. pr. Kr..

Now, apparently in Jerusalem in 600 BC, everyone was completely bad and evil.

Sad, izgleda da su u Jeruzalemu 600.g. pr. Kr.

svi bili u potpunosti pokvareni i zli. Svi do jednog:

Every single one of them: man, woman, child, infant, fetus.

muškarac, žena, dijete, novorođenče, fetus.

And God came to Lehi and said to him,

Bog je došao Lehiju i rekao mu, "Ukrcaj svoju obitelj u čamac

"Put your family on a boat and I will lead you out of here."

i izvest ću te odavde." I Bog ga je doista izveo.

And God did lead them.

He led them to America.

Odveo ga je u Ameriku.

I said, "America?

Rekla sam, "U Ameriku? Iz Jeruzalema u Ameriku u čamcu 600.g. pr. Kr.?"

(Laughter)

From Jerusalem to America by boat in 600 BC?"

And they said, "Yes."

Rekli su, "Da."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Then they told me how Lehi and his descendants

Onda su mi rekli kako su se Lehi i njegovi potomci

reproduced and reproduced, and over the course of 600 years,

množili i množili, i za 600 godina

there were two great races of them, the Nephites and the Lamanites,

nastala su dva velika plemena, Nefiti i Lamaniti,

and the Nephites were totally good -- each and every one of them --

i Nefiti su bili posve, posve dobri -- svi do jednog --

and the Lamanites were totally bad and evil --

a Lamaniti su bili posve loši i zli --

svi do jednog i jednostavno pokvareni do srži.

every single one of them just bad to the bone.

(Smijeh)

Then, after Jesus died on the cross for our sins,

Tada, nakon što je Isus umro na križu za naše grijehe,

on his way up to heaven,

na putu do neba zaustavio se u Americi i posjetio Nefite.

he stopped by America and visited the Nephites.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And he told them that if they all remained totally, totally good --

Rekao im je da, ako svi ostanu posve, posve dobri --

svi do jednog --

each and every one of them --

they would win the war against the evil Lamanites.

pobijedit će u ratu protiv zlih Lamanita.

But apparently somebody blew it,

No izgleda da se netko izbrbljao

because the Lamanites were able to kill all the Nephites.

zato što su Lamaniti smogli ubiti sve Nefite.

All but one guy, this guy named Mormon,

Ali jedan je čovjek po imenu Mormon,

who managed to survive by hiding in the woods.

uspio preživjeti skrivajući se u šumi.

And he made sure this whole story was written down

I on se pobrinuo da se cijela priča zapiše

in reformed Egyptian hieroglyphics chiseled onto gold plates,

reformiranim egipatskim hijeroglifima uklesanima u zlatne ploče,

which he then buried near Palmyra, New York.

koje je zatim zakopao blizu Palmyre u saveznoj državi New York.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Well, I was just on the edge of my seat.

Pa, jednostavno sam umirala od znatiželje.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I said, "What happened to the Lamanites?"

Rekla sam, "Što se dogodilo Lamanitima?"

And they said, "Well, they became our Native Americans, here in the U.S."

Rekli su, "Pa, postali su Indijanci ovdje u SAD-u."

I ja sam rekla, "Dakle, vi vjerujete da su Indijanci potomci

And I said, "So, you believe the Native Americans are descended

from a people who were totally evil?"

ljudi koji su bili posve zli?" Rekli su, "Da."

And they said, "Yes."

Then they told me how this guy named Joseph Smith

Zatim su mi rekli kako je taj čovjek po imenu Joseph Smith

found those buried gold plates right in his backyard,

pronašao te zakopane zlatne ploče u svojem dvorištu,

and he also found this magic stone back there that he put into his hat

i također je tamo pronašao čaroban kamen koji je stavio u svoj šešir

i zatim zakopao unutra svoje lice, što mu je omogućilo

and then buried his face into,

and this allowed him to translate the gold plates

da prevede zlatne ploče s reformiranog egipćanskog na engleski.

from the reformed Egyptian into English.

Well, at this point I just wanted to give these two boys some advice

U tom trenutku samo sam im htjela dati

savjet o njihovoj prezentaciji.

about their pitch.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I wanted to say --

Htjela sam reći, "OK, nemojte početi s tom pričom."

(Applause)

"Ok, don't start with this story."

(Laughter)

I mean, even the Scientologists

Mislim, čak i scijentolozi znaju početi s testom osobnosti prije nego što krenu --

know to start with a personality test before they start --

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

telling people all about Xenu, the evil intergalactic overlord.

-- govoriti ljudima sve o Xenuu, zlom intergalaktičkom vladaru.

Then, they said, "Do you believe that God speaks to us

Onda su rekli, "Vjerujete li da nam Bog govori

through his righteous prophets?"

kroz svoje pravedne proroke?" I ja sam rekla, "Ne, ne vjerujem."

And I said, "No, I don't,"

because I was sort of upset about this Lamanite story

Zato što sam na neki način bila uzrujana zbog priče o Lamanitima

i te lude priče o zlatnoj ploči, no istina je,

and this crazy gold plate story,

but the truth was, I hadn't really thought this through,

da ustvari nisam o tome razmislila, pa sam se malo povukla i rekla,

so I backpedaled a little and I said,

"Well, what exactly do you mean by 'righteous'?

"Na što točno mislite kad kažete pravedan?

And what do you mean by prophets? Like, could the prophets be women?"

I kad kažete proroke? Mogu li prorocima biti žene?"

And they said, "No." And I said, "Why?"

Rekli su, "Ne." A ja sam rekla, "Zašto?" Rekli su,

And they said, "Well, it's because God gave women a gift

"Pa, zato što je Bog dao ženama tako spektakularan dar,

that is so spectacular,

it is so wonderful, that the only gift he had left over to give men

tako divan, da je jedini dar koji mu je preostao za muškarce

was the gift of prophecy."

bio dar proročanstva."

What is this wonderful gift God gave women, I wondered?

Koji je to divan dar Bog dao ženama, pitala sam se?

Možda je to njihova veća sposobnost suradnje i prilagodbe?

Maybe their greater ability to cooperate and adapt?

(Laughter)

Women's longer lifespan?

Duži životni vijek? Činjenica da žene

The fact that women tend to be much less violent than men?

manje naginju nasilju od muškaraca? Ali ne, nije bio nijedan od tih darova.

But no -- it wasn't any of these gifts.

They said, "Well, it's her ability to bear children."

Rekli su, "Pa, to je njihova sposobnost da rađaju."

I said, "Oh, come on.

Rekla sam, "Ma, dajte. Mislim, čak i kad bi žene pokušale imati dijete

I mean, even if women tried to have a baby every single year

svaku godinu od svoje 15-te do 45-te godine života,

from the time they were 15 to the time they were 45,

assuming they didn't die from exhaustion,

uz pretpostavku da ne umru od iscrpljenosti,

it still seems like some women would have some time left over

ipak izgleda da bi nekim ženama preostalo vremena

to hear the word of God."

da čuju riječ Božju." Rekli su, "Ne."

And they said, "No."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Well, then they didn't look so fresh-faced and cute to me any more,

Pa, tad mi više nisu izgledali tako svježe i milo,

no imali su još nešto za reći.

but they had more to say.

They said, "Well, we also believe that if you're a Mormon,

Rekli su, "Pa, mi također vjerujemo da ako si Mormon

and if you're in good standing with the church,

i ako si u dobrim odnosima s crkvom, kad umreš

when you die, you get to go to heaven

možeš ići u raj i biti zauvijek sa svojom obitelji."

and be with your family for all eternity."

And I said, "Oh, dear.

Rekla sam, "O, bože --

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

That wouldn't be such a good incentive for me."

-- to ne bi bio tako dobar motiv za mene."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And they said, "Oh.

Rekli su, "O -- hej, pa, mi također vjerujemo

(Laughter)

Hey! Well, we also believe that when you go to heaven,

da, kad odeš u raj, dobiješ svoje tijelo vraćeno

you get your body restored to you in its best original state.

u svoje najbolje originalno stanje.

Like, if you'd lost a leg, well, you get it back.

Npr., ako izgubiš nogu, pa, dobiješ ju nazad.

Or, if you'd gone blind, you could see."

Ili, ako si bio slijep, progledaš."

I said, "Oh. Now, I don't have a uterus,

Rekla sam, "O -- sad, nemam maternicu jer sam imala rak

because I had cancer a few years ago.

prije nekoliko godina. Dakle, da li to znači da bi u raju

So does this mean that if I went to heaven,

I would get my old uterus back?"

dobila svoju maternicu nazad?" Rekli su, "Naravno."

And they said, "Sure."

And I said, "I don't want it back. I'm happy without it." Gosh.

Rekla sam, "Ne želim ju. Sretna sam bez nje." Bože.

What if you had a nose job and you liked it?

Što ako ste imali korekciju nosa i svidjelo vam se?

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Would God force you to get your old nose back?

Da li bi te Bog prisilio da uzmeš stari nos?

Then they gave me this Book of Mormon,

Zatim su mi dali tu Mormonovu knjigu

told me to read this chapter and that chapter,

i rekli mi da pročitam i ovo i ono poglavlje,

and said they'd come back and check in on me,

i rekli su da će se jednom vratiti i provjeriti kako mi ide,

mislim da sam rekla nešto kao, "Molim vas da se ne žurite,"

and I think I said something like, "Please don't hurry,"

ili možda samo, "Molim, nemojte", te su otišli.

or maybe just, "Please don't," and they were gone.

Ok, so I initially felt really superior to these boys,

OK, u početku sam se osjećala superiorno nad tim dječacima,

and smug in my more conventional faith.

i samodopadno u svojoj tradicionalnijoj vjeri. No zatim,

But then the more I thought about it, the more I had to be honest with myself.

što sam više razmišljala o tome, tim više sam morala biti iskrena sa sobom.

Da netko dođe na moja vrata i slušam katoličku teologiju

If someone came to my door

and I was hearing Catholic theology and dogma for the very first time,

i dogmu prvi put u životu, i da kažu,

and they said, "We believe that God impregnated a very young girl

"Mi vjerujemo da je Bog impregnirao vrlo mladu djevojku

without the use of intercourse,

bez spolnog odnosa,

and the fact that she was a virgin is maniacally important to us."

i činjenica da je bila djevica luđački nam je važna --

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"And she had a baby, and that's the son of God,"

-- i rodila je dijete, i to je sin Boga,"

I mean, I would think that's equally ridiculous.

mislila bi da je to jednako apsurdno.

I'm just so used to that story.

Jednostavno sam se toliko navikla na tu priču.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So, I couldn't let myself feel condescending towards these boys.

Nisam si mogla dopustiti da se ponašam snishodljivo prema tim dječacima.

But the question they asked me when they first arrived

No pitanje koje su mi postavili kad su došli

stvarno mi nije išlo iz glave.

really stuck in my head:

Did I believe that God loved me with all his heart?

Da li sam ja vjerovala da me Bog volio svim srcem?

Because I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that question.

Zato što nisam bila sasvim sigurna što osjećam po tom pitanju.

Sad, da su me pitali,

Now, if they had asked me,

"Do you feel that God loves you with all his heart?"

Da li osjećaš da te Bog voli svim svojim srcem?

Well, that would have been much different, I think I would have instantly answered,

To je moglo biti puno drugačije, mislim da bi odmah odgovorila,

"Da, da, osjećam to cijelo vrijeme. Osjećam Božju ljubav kad sam povrijeđena i zbunjena,

"Yes, yes, I feel it all the time.

I feel God's love when I'm hurt and confused,

and I feel consoled and cared for.

i osjećam da sam utješena i zbrinuta. Nalazim utočište u Božjoj ljubavi

I take shelter in God's love when I don't understand why tragedy hits,

kad ne razumijem zašto se događa tragedija

and I feel God's love when I look with gratitude at all the beauty I see."

i osjećam Božju ljubav kad sa zahvalnošću gledam svu ljepotu naokolo."

But since they asked me that question with the word "believe" in it,

No otkad su mi postavili to pitanje s riječi "vjerujem" u njemu,

somehow it was all different,

nekako je sve bilo drugačije,

because I wasn't exactly sure if I believed what I so clearly felt.

zato što nisam bila sasvim sigurna vjerujem li u ono što sam tako jasno osjećala.