Love -- you're doing it wrong | Yann Dall'Aglio

Translator: Naíma Perrella Milani Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard

Prevodilac: Miloš Milosavljević Lektor: Mile Živković

What is love?

Šta je ljubav?

It's a hard term to define

To je pojam koji je teško definisati,

in so far as it has a very wide application.

tim pre što se veoma široko primenjuje.

I can love jogging.

Mogu da volim trčanje.

I can love a book, a movie.

Mogu da volim knjigu, film.

I can love escalopes.

Mogu da volim šniclu.

I can love my wife.

Mogu da volim svoju ženu.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But there's a great difference

Ali postoji velika razlika

between an escalope and my wife, for instance.

između šnicle i moje žene, na primer.

That is, if I value the escalope,

To jest, ako cenim šniclu,

the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back.

ona mi, s druge strane, to ne uzvraća.

Whereas my wife, she calls me

Dok me moja žena zove

the star of her life.

zvezdom svog života.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Therefore, only another desiring conscience

Samo druga osoba koja želi

can conceive me as a desirable being.

može me smatrati željenim bićem.

I know this, that's why

Ja to znam, i zato

love can be defined in a more accurate way

se ljubav može preciznije definisati

as the desire of being desired.

kao želja da budete željeni.

Hence the eternal problem of love:

Dakle, večiti problem ljubavi:

how to become and remain desirable?

kako postati i ostati željen?

The individual used to find

Ranije je čovek tražio

an answer to this problem

odgovor na ovaj problem

by submitting his life to community rules.

tako što je podređivao svoj život pravilima zajednice.

You had a specific part to play

Trebalo je da odigrate specifičnu ulogu

according to your sex, your age,

u skladu sa svojim polom, uzrastom,

your social status,

društvenim statusom

and you only had to play your part

i samo je trebalo da odigrate svoju ulogu

to be valued and loved by the whole community.

pa da vas ceni i voli cela zajednica.

Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage.

Pomislite na mladu ženu koja treba da ostane čedna pre braka.

Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son,

Pomislite na najmlađeg sina koji mora da sluša najstarijeg,

who in turn must obey the patriarch.

koji, pak, mora da sluša oca.

But a phenomenon

Ali postoji jedan fenomen

started in the 13th century,

koji se pojavio u 13. veku,

mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,

pre svega tokom renesanse, na zapadu

that caused the biggest identity crisis

koji je prouzrokovao najveću krizu identiteta

in the history of humankind.

u istoriji čovečanstva.

This phenomenon is modernity.

Ovaj fenomen je modernost.

We can basically summarize it through a triple process.

Možemo da ga sažmemo pomoću trostrukog procesa.

First, a process of rationalization of scientific research,

Prvo, proces racionalizacije naučnog istraživanja,

which has accelerated technical progress.

koji je ubrzao tehnički napredak.

Next, a process of political democratization,

Zatim, proces političke demokratizacije

which has fostered individual rights.

koji je izrodio prava pojedinca.

And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production

I konačno, proces racionalizacije ekonomske proizvodnje

and of trade liberalization.

i liberalizacije trgovine.

These three intertwined processes

Ova tri procesa koja se prepliću

have completely annihilated

potpuno su uništila

all the traditional bearings of Western societies,

sve tradicionalne odnose zapadnih društava,

with radical consequences for the individual.

sa radikalnim posledicama za pojedinca.

Now individuals are free

Sada su pojedinci slobodni

to value or disvalue

da cene ili ne cene

any attitude, any choice, any object.

bilo koji stav, bilo koji izbor, bilo koju stvar.

But as a result, they are themselves confronted

Ali, kao rezultat toga, oni se suočavaju

with this same freedom that others have

sa istom slobodom drugih

to value or disvalue them.

da cene ili ne cene njih.

In other words, my value was once ensured

Drugim rečima, moja vrednost je nekada bila osigurana

by submitting myself to the traditional authorities.

mojim potčinjavanjem tradicionalnim autoritetima.

Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.

A sada se nalazi na berzi.

On the free market of individual desires,

Na slobodnom tržištu individualnih želja,

I negotiate my value every day.

cenjkam se za svoju vrednost svakodnevno.

Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.

Otuda anksioznost savremenog čoveka.

He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?

On je opsednut: "Da li sam željen? Koliko željen?

How many people are going to love me?"

Koliko ljudi će me voleti?"

And how does he respond to this anxiety?

I kako odgovara na ovu anksioznost?

Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability.

Pa, histerično sakupljajući simbole poželjnosti.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I call this act of collecting,

Ovo nazivam činom sakupljanja

along with others, seduction capital.

zavodničkog kapitala.

Indeed, our consumer society

Zaista, naše potrošačko društvo

is largely based on seduction capital.

je u velikoj meri bazirano na zavodničkom kapitalu.

It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic.

Kaže se, zbog ove potrošnje, da je naše doba materijalističko.

But it's not true! We only accumulate objects

Ali to nije tačno! Mi samo gomilamo predmete

in order to communicate with other minds.

da bismo komunicirali s drugim umovima.

We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.

Radimo to da bismo ih naterali da nas vole, da bismo ih zaveli.

Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental,

Ništa nije manje materijalistično ili sentimentalnije

than a teenager buying brand new jeans

od tinejdžera koji kupuje nove farmerke

and tearing them at the knees,

i spušta ih do kolena

because he wants to please Jennifer.

zato što hoće da udovolji Dženifer.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Consumerism is not materialism.

Konzumerizam nije materijalizam.

It is rather what is swallowed up

To je pre, ono što se guta

and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,

i žrtvuje u ime boga ljubavi

or rather in the name of seduction capital.

ili pre, u ime zavodničkog kapitala.

In light of this observation on contemporary love,

U svetlu ovog zapažanja o savremenoj ljubavi,

how can we think of love in the years to come?

kako možemo da zamislimo ljubav u godinama koje dolaze?

We can envision two hypotheses:

Možemo predvideti dve hipoteze:

The first one consists of betting

prva se sastoji u predviđanju

that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify.

da će se ovaj proces narcističkog kapitalizma pojačati.

It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take,

Teško je reći koji će oblik imati ovo pojačavanje

because it largely depends

jer to umnogome zavisi

on social and technical innovations,

od društvenih i tehničkih inovacija

which are by definition difficult to predict.

koje je, po definiciji, teško predvideti.

But we can, for instance,

Ali možemo, na primer,

imagine a dating website

zamisliti sajt za upoznavanje

which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,

koji, pomalo kao oni programi sa poenima za lojalnost,

uses seduction capital points

koriste poene za zavodnički kapital

that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio,

koji variraju u skladu sa mojim godinama, proporcijama,

my degree, my salary,

stručnom spremom, platom

or the number of clicks on my profile.

ili brojem klikova na mom profilu.

We can also imagine

Možemo takođe da zamislimo

a chemical treatment for breakups

i lekove za raskide

that weakens the feelings of attachment.

koji slabe osećaj vezanosti.

By the way, there's a program on MTV already

Uzgred, na MTV-u već postoji emisija

in which seduction teachers

u kojoj učitelji zavođenja

treat heartache as a disease.

tretiraju tugu kao bolest.

These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."

Ovi učitelji sebe nazivaju "pick-up artists".

"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."

"Artist" je lako, znači "umetnik".

"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,

"Pick-up" je "pokupiti nekog",

but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.

ali ne bilo koga, već devojke.

So they are artists of picking up chicks.

Tako da su oni umetnici kupljenja devojaka.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And they call heartache "one-itis."

A tugu zovu "uanitis" ("one-itis").

In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.

Na engleskom, "itis" je sufiks koji označava infekciju.

One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."

Uanitis može da se prevede kao "infekcija od jedne osobe".

It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,

Malo je odvratno. Za umetnike muvanja,

falling in love with someone

zaljubiti se u nekoga

is a waste of time,

je gubljenje vremena,

it's squandering your seduction capital,

traćenje vašeg zavodničkog kapitala,

so it must be eliminated

i zato mora da se eliminiše

like a disease, like an infection.

kao zaraza, kao infekcija.

We can also envision

Takođe možemo predvideti

a romantic use of the genome.

romantičnu upotrebu genoma.

Everyone would carry it around

Svi bi ga nosili sa sobom

and present it like a business card

i pokazivali kao vizit kartu

to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.

da provere da li sa zavođenja može da se pređe na reprodukciju.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Of course, this race for seduction,

Naravno, ova trka za zavođenjem,

like every fierce competition,

kao i svako ljuto nadmetanje,

will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction,

će napraviti ogromnu nejednakost u narcističkom zadovoljstvu

and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.

i prema tome, mnogo usamljenosti i frustracije takođe.

So we can expect that modernity itself,

Tako da možemo očekivati da će sama modernost,

which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question.

koja je izvor zavodničkog kapitala, biti dovedena u pitanje.

I'm thinking particularly of the reaction

Mislim posebno na reakciju

of neo-fascist or religious communes.

neofašista ili religijskih zajednica.

But such a future doesn't have to be.

Ali takva budućnost ne mora da se ostvari.

Another path to thinking about love may be possible.

Možda je moguć drugi put za razmišljanje o ljubavi.

But how?

Ali kakav?

How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?

Kako se odreći histerične potrebe da se bude vrednovan?

Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness.

Pa, postati svestan moje bezvrednosti.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Yes,

Da,

I'm useless.

ja sam bezvredan.

But rest assured:

Ali ne brinite:

so are you.

i vi ste.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

We are all useless.

Mi smo bezvredni.

This uselessness is easily demonstrated,

Bezvrednost se lako demonstrira,

because in order to be valued

jer da bih bio vrednovan,

I need another to desire me,

treba mi drugi da me želi,

which shows that I do not have any value of my own.

što pokazuje da nemam sopstvenu vrednost.

I don't have any inherent value.

Ja nemam nikakvu inherentnu vrednost.

Svi se pretvaramo da imamo idola;

We all pretend to have an idol;

we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually

pretvaramo se da smo idoli za nekog drugog, ali u stvari

we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street

svi smo prevaranti, pomalo kao čovek na ulici

who appears totally cool and indifferent,

koji izgleda potpuno hladno i indiferentno,

while he has actually anticipated and calculated

dok je u stvari predvideo i proračunao

so that all eyes are on him.

tako da sve oči budu uprte u njega.

I think that becoming aware

Mislim da bi svest

of this general imposture

o ovoj opštoj obmani

that concerns all of us

koja se tiče svih nas

would ease our love relationships.

olakšala naše ljubavne veze.

It is because I want to be loved

To je zato što želim da budem voljen

from head to toe,

od glave do pete,

justified in my every choice,

opravdavajući u svakom svom izboru

that the seduction hysteria exists.

da histerija zavođenja postoji.

And therefore I want to seem perfect

I zato želim da izgledam savršen

so that another can love me.

da bi me drugi voleo.

I want them to be perfect

Hocu da oni budu savršeni

so that I can be reassured of my value.

da bih bio uveren u svoju vrednost.

It leads to couples

To dovodi do parova

obsessed with performance

opsednutih učinkom,

who will break up, just like that,

koji će lako raskinuti

at the slightest underachievement.

zbog najmanjeg neuspeha.

In contrast to this attitude,

Kao suprotnost ovom stavu

I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.

predlažem nežnost - ljubav kao nežnost.

What is tenderness?

Šta je nežnost?

To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses.

Biti nežan znači prihvatiti slabosti voljene osobe.

It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.

To ne znači da treba da budete tužan par bolničara.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

That's pretty bad.

To je prilično loše.

On the contrary,

Naprotiv,

there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.

ima mnogo šarma i sreće u nežnosti.

I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused.

Mislim posebno na vrstu humora koja se, nažalost, malo koristi.

It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.

To je neka vrsta poezije namerne nespretnosti.

I refer to self-mockery.

Mislim na šale na sopstveni račun.

For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported

Za par koji se više ne održava,

by the constraints of tradition,

podržan ograničenjima tradicije,

I believe that self-mockery

mislim da su šale na sopstveni račun

is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.

jedno od najboljih sredstava za opstanak veze.