Love -- you're doing it wrong | Yann Dall'Aglio

Translator: Naíma Perrella Milani Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard

譯者: Geoff Chen 審譯者: Zhiting Chen

What is love?

愛情是什麼？

It's a hard term to define

它是一個很難定義的詞彙，

in so far as it has a very wide application.

因為它有極為廣泛的應用。

I can love jogging.

我可以喜愛慢跑，

I can love a book, a movie.

我可以愛一本書、 一部電影，

I can love escalopes.

我可以愛吃肉排，

I can love my wife.

我可以愛我的妻子。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

But there's a great difference

但這愛存在著龐大的區別，

between an escalope and my wife, for instance.

比如說，我對肉排之愛 與對我妻子的愛，便有顯著不同。

That is, if I value the escalope,

也就是說，如果我珍視肉排的話，

the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back.

肉排，相反地，卻不會珍視我。

Whereas my wife, she calls me

然而我的妻子呢，她喚我為

the star of her life.

她生命中的星星。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Therefore, only another desiring conscience

因此，只有一種他人的欲望意識

can conceive me as a desirable being.

才能夠將我視為一個 得以被欲望的個體。

I know this, that's why

我知道這一點，這就是為什麼

love can be defined in a more accurate way

我們可以更準確地 把愛情定義為

as the desire of being desired.

「被欲望中的欲望」。

Hence the eternal problem of love:

於是，這關於愛的永恆難題即為：

how to become and remain desirable?

如何使自己被欲望？ 如何使自己持續地被欲望？

The individual used to find

過去，一個個體往往透過

an answer to this problem

將自己的生命交由群體規範

by submitting his life to community rules.

來尋求這問題的解答。

You had a specific part to play

你可以根據你的性別、年齡，

according to your sex, your age,

和社會地位，

your social status,

來扮演某種特定角色。

and you only had to play your part

而且你只需要扮演好那角色

to be valued and loved by the whole community.

即可獲得整個社群的愛與重視。

Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage.

想想那個必須 在婚前保持貞潔的年輕女子，

Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son,

想想那個必須 服從長子的那最小兒子，

who in turn must obey the patriarch.

而那長子又必須服從家族長輩。

But a phenomenon

但一種

started in the 13th century,

始於 13 世紀，

mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,

主要是在西方文藝復興時期的現象

that caused the biggest identity crisis

造成了人類歷史上

in the history of humankind.

最嚴重的身份危機。

This phenomenon is modernity.

這現象就是現代性。

We can basically summarize it through a triple process.

我們基本上可以 通過三種過程來總結它：

First, a process of rationalization of scientific research,

首先是，一個理性化的科學研究過程，

which has accelerated technical progress.

它加快了科技的進步。

Next, a process of political democratization,

接著，一個政治的民主化進程

which has fostered individual rights.

促進了個人的權利。

And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production

最後出現的是 經濟生產與貿易自由化

and of trade liberalization.

的理性進程。

These three intertwined processes

這三個相互交織的過程

have completely annihilated

完全推倒了

all the traditional bearings of Western societies,

西方社會的所有傳統根基，

with radical consequences for the individual.

並對個人生活造成鉅變。

Now individuals are free

現在，個人可以自由地

to value or disvalue

珍愛或蔑視

any attitude, any choice, any object.

任何態度、任何選擇、任何事物；

But as a result, they are themselves confronted

但結果是，他們自己同樣也面對了

with this same freedom that others have

他人的自由，

to value or disvalue them.

他人用來珍視 或貶低他們的自由。

In other words, my value was once ensured

換句話說，這曾經透過 將自己提交給傳統權威

by submitting myself to the traditional authorities.

而確保了的自我價值

Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.

現在卻被投諸於股票交易所，任人估量。

On the free market of individual desires,

在個人欲望的自由市場中，

I negotiate my value every day.

我每天都在商議我的個體價值。

Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.

因此，這造成了當代人的焦慮。

He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?

他 / 她總是癡迷於： 「我是否可欲？如何可欲？

How many people are going to love me?"

有多少人會愛我？」

And how does he respond to this anxiety?

他 / 她得如何回應這種焦慮呢？

Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability.

嗯，通過歇斯底里地 收集可欲的象徵。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I call this act of collecting,

我把這種與他人一塊兒的

along with others, seduction capital.

收集性的行為稱作「誘惑資本」。

Indeed, our consumer society

事實上，我們的消費社會

is largely based on seduction capital.

很大程度上是建基於 誘惑資本之上的。

It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic.

關於這種消費性質，有人聲稱 我們的時代是唯物主義的。

But it's not true! We only accumulate objects

但這不是真的 ！我們收藏事物，

in order to communicate with other minds.

僅僅只是為了與其他心靈交流！

We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.

我們這麼做，是為了使他們喜歡我們， 是為了引誘他人！

Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental,

沒有什麼還要比 讓一個青少年買新牛仔褲

than a teenager buying brand new jeans

然後撕到膝蓋邊

and tearing them at the knees,

更要非物質主義，或更令人感傷了，

because he wants to please Jennifer.

因為他想要博得珍妮佛的青睞。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Consumerism is not materialism.

消費主義不是物質主義。

It is rather what is swallowed up

它卻是那些以愛神之名

and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,

犧牲了的 或生吞活剝了的一切，

or rather in the name of seduction capital.

或者，不如說是，以誘惑資本的名義。

In light of this observation on contemporary love,

根據這種對於當代愛情的觀察，

how can we think of love in the years to come?

我們該如何思考未來的愛情呢？

We can envision two hypotheses:

我們可以想像兩種假設：

The first one consists of betting

第一個是由賭注組成的，

that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify.

這賭注將加深自戀的資本化過程。

It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take,

很難說這深化過程 會採取怎樣的形式，

because it largely depends

因為它很大程度上取決於

on social and technical innovations,

社會與科技的創新，

which are by definition difficult to predict.

這是難以預測的。

But we can, for instance,

但我們仍然可以試著

imagine a dating website

想像一種約會網站，

which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,

一種有點類似 績點獎勵促銷的方案，

uses seduction capital points

使用誘惑資本點數，

that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio,

這點數會根據我的某些特質 而變化，比如年齡、身高體重比例、

my degree, my salary,

學歷、薪水、

or the number of clicks on my profile.

或我網上檔案的點擊量。

We can also imagine

我們也可以想像

a chemical treatment for breakups

一種對於分手的化學治療療程，

that weakens the feelings of attachment.

這種療程可以緩解戀愛情愫。

By the way, there's a program on MTV already

此外順帶一提，現在在 MTV 上 已經有了一種類似的節目了，

in which seduction teachers

在那節目中，誘惑教師

treat heartache as a disease.

將心痛視為一種疾病來治療。

These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."

這些教師自稱 「把妹達人（pick-up artists）」。

"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."

「（Artist）藝術家」 在法語中意味著「表演藝術家（artiste）」。

"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,

「Pick-up」意指是勾搭

but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.

但不是隨便勾搭 — — 必須勾搭最靚的。

So they are artists of picking up chicks.

所以他們都是 勾搭靚妹的表演藝術家。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And they call heartache "one-itis."

他們稱心痛為 「真命天女症（one-itis）」，

In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.

在英語中，「itis」是 「（infection）感染」的字尾，

One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."

我們可以把 one-itis 譯為「被那一人感染」。

It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,

它是有點噁心啦。 事實上，對那些「把妹達人」來說，

falling in love with someone

愛上一個人

is a waste of time,

是在浪費時間，

it's squandering your seduction capital,

它浪費你的誘惑資本。

so it must be eliminated

因此，它必須被根治，

like a disease, like an infection.

就像一種疾病，彷彿發炎一般。

We can also envision

我們還可以設想

a romantic use of the genome.

一種擁有浪漫用途的基因組。

Everyone would carry it around

每個人都會到處拿著它，

and present it like a business card

就像一張名片一樣到處發，

to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.

來查明是否 誘惑可以進階到繁殖。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Of course, this race for seduction,

當然，這場誘惑的競賽，

like every fierce competition,

如同每項激烈賽事，

will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction,

將創造出關於 自戀滿意度的巨大不平等，

and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.

於是它也會產生許多孤單與失落。

So we can expect that modernity itself,

因此，我們可以預想的是，現代性本身

which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question.

這個誘惑資本的來源，會被許多人質疑。

I'm thinking particularly of the reaction

我想到的某種特別的反應，即為

of neo-fascist or religious communes.

新法西斯主義社群或宗教社群。

But such a future doesn't have to be.

但我們並不一定要擁有這種未來。

Another path to thinking about love may be possible.

我們可以思索另一種 關於愛情的可能性路徑。

But how?

但如何思索呢？

How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?

如何放棄進行 歇斯底里地估價的需要？

Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness.

嗯，這個嘛，意識到 我自己的一無是處，即可。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yes,

是的，

I'm useless.

一無是處，我很沒用。

But rest assured:

但請放心：

so are you.

你們也是。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

We are all useless.

我們都是沒用的。

This uselessness is easily demonstrated,

這種無用性 是很容易證明的，

because in order to be valued

因為，為了要尋求珍視，

I need another to desire me,

我需要另一半來欲望我，

which shows that I do not have any value of my own.

這顯示了，我自身 其實並不具有任何價值。

I don't have any inherent value.

我沒有任何固有的價值。

我們都假裝有偶像；

We all pretend to have an idol;

we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually

我們都假裝自己是別人的偶像，但實際上

we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street

我們個個都是濫竽充數之人， 有點像街上的路人，

who appears totally cool and indifferent,

他們全都表現出冷漠的樣子，

while he has actually anticipated and calculated

雖然他實際上已預期，並且算計出

so that all eyes are on him.

所有的目光都會朝向他。

I think that becoming aware

我覺得，越來越意識到

of this general imposture

這種一般的冒用性，

that concerns all of us

這樣的憂慮

would ease our love relationships.

就得以緩解我們的戀愛關係。

It is because I want to be loved

因為，我想要從頭到腳地

from head to toe,

被愛，

justified in my every choice,

捍衛我每一個選擇，

that the seduction hysteria exists.

那誘惑的歇斯底里存在著。

And therefore I want to seem perfect

因此，我想要看起來完美，

so that another can love me.

以讓他人可以愛我。

I want them to be perfect

我希望他們能夠完美，

so that I can be reassured of my value.

這樣我就可以確定我的價值。

It leads to couples

它會導致情人們

obsessed with performance

沉迷於績效，

who will break up, just like that,

誰會像以前那樣

at the slightest underachievement.

以績效不好的結果分手呢。

In contrast to this attitude,

相對於這種態度，

I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.

我呼籲，用溫柔 — — 溫柔的愛。

What is tenderness?

什麼是溫柔？

To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses.

溫柔意謂著去接受 你愛人的弱點。

It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.

它非關成為某種 悲涼的伴侶照護者喲。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

That's pretty bad.

它沒那麼糟。

On the contrary,

相反地，

there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.

在溫柔中，存在著許多魅力和幸福。

I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused.

我特別想到一種幽默， 這種幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。

It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.

它是一種蓄意的尷尬詩歌。

I refer to self-mockery.

我指的是自嘲。

For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported

對於那些由傳統約束的、

by the constraints of tradition,

無以為繼的伴侶們，

I believe that self-mockery

我相信自嘲

is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.

是得以忍受彼此關係的最佳途徑之一。