Love -- you're doing it wrong | Yann Dall'Aglio

Translator: Naíma Perrella Milani Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard

翻译人员: Minji Seo 校对人员: Li Li

What is love?

爱是什么？

It's a hard term to define

爱很难去定义

in so far as it has a very wide application.

因为它有着广泛的应用范围

I can love jogging.

我可以喜爱慢跑

I can love a book, a movie.

我可以喜爱一本书，一部电影

I can love escalopes.

我可以喜爱肉排

I can love my wife.

我可以爱我的妻子

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But there's a great difference

但是这爱存在着巨大的不同点，

between an escalope and my wife, for instance.

比如，对肉排的爱和对我妻子的爱有显著不同

That is, if I value the escalope,

那就是说，如果我重视肉排

the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back.

反过来讲，肉排并不会重视我

Whereas my wife, she calls me

然而我的妻子呢

the star of her life.

她觉得我是她生命中的一颗星星

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Therefore, only another desiring conscience

因此，只有一种他人的欲望意识

can conceive me as a desirable being.

才能够把我视为 一个得以被欲望的个体

I know this, that's why

我知道这些，这也是为什么

love can be defined in a more accurate way

我们可以更准确地 把爱情定义为

as the desire of being desired.

“被欲望的欲望”

Hence the eternal problem of love:

于是，这关于爱的永恒难题就是：

how to become and remain desirable?

如何使自己被欲望？ 如何使自己持续的被欲望？

The individual used to find

过去，个体往往透过

an answer to this problem

将自己的生命交由群体规范

by submitting his life to community rules.

来寻求这问题的答案

You had a specific part to play

你可以根据你的性别，年龄，

according to your sex, your age,

和社会地位

your social status,

来扮演某种特定角色

and you only had to play your part

而且你只需要做你的分内之事

to be valued and loved by the whole community.

就可获得整个社群的爱与重视

Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage.

想想在婚前必须保持贞洁的年轻女人

Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son,

想想必须听大儿子的话的那最小儿子

who in turn must obey the patriarch.

而大儿子还是要听家祖长辈的话

But a phenomenon

但是一种现象

started in the 13th century,

开始发生在13世纪

mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,

主要在西方的文艺复兴时期

that caused the biggest identity crisis

这种现象引发了人类历史上

in the history of humankind.

最大的身份危机

This phenomenon is modernity.

这种现象便是现代性

We can basically summarize it through a triple process.

我们可以通过三步来总结它

First, a process of rationalization of scientific research,

第一，一个理性化的科学研究过程

which has accelerated technical progress.

它加快了科技的进步

Next, a process of political democratization,

接着，一个政治的民主化进程

which has fostered individual rights.

促进了个人的权利

And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production

最后出现的是 经济生产与贸易自由化

and of trade liberalization.

的理性进程

These three intertwined processes

这三个相互混纺的过程

have completely annihilated

完全推倒了

all the traditional bearings of Western societies,

西方社会的所有传统根基

with radical consequences for the individual.

并对个人生活造成巨变

Now individuals are free

现在，个人可以自由地

to value or disvalue

珍爱或蔑视

any attitude, any choice, any object.

任何态度，任何选择，任何事物

But as a result, they are themselves confronted

但结果是，他们自己同样也面对了

with this same freedom that others have

他人的自由

to value or disvalue them.

他人用来珍视 或贬低他们的自由。

In other words, my value was once ensured

换句话说，这曾经通过 将自己提交给传统权威

by submitting myself to the traditional authorities.

而确保了的自我价值

Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.

现在却被投诸于股票交易所，任人估量。

On the free market of individual desires,

在个人欲望的自由市场中，

I negotiate my value every day.

我每天都在商议我的个人价值。

Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.

因此，这造成了当代人的焦虑。

He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?

他 / 她总是痴迷于： 「我是否可欲？如何可欲？

How many people are going to love me?"

有多少人会爱我？」

And how does he respond to this anxiety?

他 / 她得如何响应这种焦虑呢？

Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability.

嗯，通过歇斯底里地 收集可欲的象征。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I call this act of collecting,

我把这种与他人一块儿的

along with others, seduction capital.

收集性的行为称作「诱惑资本」。

Indeed, our consumer society

事实上，我们的消费社会

is largely based on seduction capital.

很大程度上是建基于 诱惑资本之上的。

It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic.

关于这种消费性质，有人说 我们的时代是恋物主义的。

But it's not true! We only accumulate objects

但这不是真的 ！我们收藏事物，

in order to communicate with other minds.

仅仅只是为了与其他心灵交流！

We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.

我们这么做，是为了使他们喜欢我们， 是为了引诱他人！

Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental,

没有什么还要比 让一个青少年买新牛仔裤

than a teenager buying brand new jeans

然后撕到膝盖边

and tearing them at the knees,

更是非唯物主义的，或更令人感伤的了，

because he wants to please Jennifer.

因为他想博得珍妮弗的青睐。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Consumerism is not materialism.

消费主义不是物质主义。

It is rather what is swallowed up

它却是那些以爱神之名

and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,

牺牲了的 或生吞活剥了的一切，

or rather in the name of seduction capital.

或者，不如说是，以诱惑资本的名义。

In light of this observation on contemporary love,

根据这种对当代爱情的观察，

how can we think of love in the years to come?

我们该如何思考未来的爱情呢？

We can envision two hypotheses:

我们可以想到两种假设：

The first one consists of betting

第一个是由赌注组成的，

that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify.

这赌注将加深自恋的资本化过程。

It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take,

很难说这深化过程 会采取怎样的形式，

because it largely depends

因为它很大程度上取决于

on social and technical innovations,

社会与科技的创新，

which are by definition difficult to predict.

这是难以预测的。

But we can, for instance,

但我们仍然可以试着

imagine a dating website

想象一种约会网站，

which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,

一种有点类似于 绩点奖励促销的方案，

uses seduction capital points

使用诱惑资本点数，

that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio,

这点数会根据我的某些特质而变， 比如年龄、身高/体重比例、

my degree, my salary,

学历、薪水、

or the number of clicks on my profile.

或我网上档案的点击量。

We can also imagine

我们也可以想象

a chemical treatment for breakups

一种对于分手的化学治疗疗程，

that weakens the feelings of attachment.

这种疗程可以缓解恋爱感情。

By the way, there's a program on MTV already

此外顺带一提，在 MTV 上 已经有一种类似的节目，

in which seduction teachers

在那节目中，诱惑教师

treat heartache as a disease.

将心痛视为一种疾病来治疗。

These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."

这些教师自称为 「把妹达人（pick-up artists）」。

"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."

「（Artist）艺术家」 在法语中意味着「表演艺术家（artiste）」。

"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,

「Pick-up」意指是勾搭

but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.

但不是随便勾搭 — — 必须勾搭最靓的。

So they are artists of picking up chicks.

所以他们都是 勾搭靓妹的表演艺术家。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And they call heartache "one-itis."

他们称心痛为 「真命天女症（one-itis）」，

In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.

在英语中，「itis」是 「（infection）感染」的字尾，

One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."

我们可以把 one-itis 译为「被那一人感染」。

It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,

它是有点恶心啦。 事实上，对那些「把妹达人」来说，

falling in love with someone

爱上一个人

is a waste of time,

是在浪费时间，

it's squandering your seduction capital,

它浪费你的诱惑资本。

so it must be eliminated

因此，它必须被根治，

like a disease, like an infection.

就像一种疾病，彷佛发炎一般。

We can also envision

我们还可以设想

a romantic use of the genome.

一种拥有浪漫用途的基因组。

Everyone would carry it around

每个人都会到处拿着它，

and present it like a business card

就像一张名片一样到处发，

to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.

来查明是否 诱惑可以进阶到繁殖。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Of course, this race for seduction,

当然，这场诱惑的竞赛，

like every fierce competition,

如同每项激烈赛事，

will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction,

将创造出关于 自恋满意度的巨大不平等，

and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.

于是它也会产生许多孤单与失落。

So we can expect that modernity itself,

因此，我们可以预想的是，现代性本身

which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question.

这个诱惑资本的来源，会被许多人质疑。

I'm thinking particularly of the reaction

我想到的某种特别的反应，即为

of neo-fascist or religious communes.

新法西斯主义社群或宗教社群。

But such a future doesn't have to be.

但我们并不一定要拥有这种未来。

Another path to thinking about love may be possible.

我们可以思索另一种 关于爱情的可能性路径。

But how?

但如何思索呢？

How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?

如何放弃进行 歇斯底里地估价的需要？

Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness.

嗯，这个嘛，意识到 我自己的一无是处，即可。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Yes,

是的，

I'm useless.

一无是处，我很没用。

But rest assured:

但请放心：

so are you.

你们也是。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

We are all useless.

我们都是没用的。

This uselessness is easily demonstrated,

这种无用性 是很容易证明的，

because in order to be valued

因为，为了要寻求珍视，

I need another to desire me,

我需要另一半来欲望我，

which shows that I do not have any value of my own.

这显示了，我自身 其实并不具有任何价值。

I don't have any inherent value.

我没有任何固有的价值。

We all pretend to have an idol;

我们都假装有偶像；

we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually

我们都假装自己是别人的偶像，但实际上

we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street

我们个个都是滥竽充数之人， 有点像街上的路人，

who appears totally cool and indifferent,

他们全都表现出冷漠的样子，

while he has actually anticipated and calculated

虽然他实际上已预期，并且算计出

so that all eyes are on him.

所有的目光都会朝向他。

I think that becoming aware

我觉得，越来越意识到

of this general imposture

这种一般的冒用性，

that concerns all of us

这样的忧虑

would ease our love relationships.

就得以缓解我们的恋爱关系。

It is because I want to be loved

因为，我想要从头到脚地

from head to toe,

被爱，

justified in my every choice,

捍卫我每一个选择，

that the seduction hysteria exists.

那诱惑的歇斯底里存在着。

And therefore I want to seem perfect

因此，我想要看起来完美，

so that another can love me.

以让他人可以爱我。

I want them to be perfect

我希望他们能够完美，

so that I can be reassured of my value.

这样我就可以确定我的价值。

It leads to couples

它会导致情人们

obsessed with performance

沉迷于绩效，

who will break up, just like that,

谁会像以前那样

at the slightest underachievement.

以绩效不好的结果分手呢。

In contrast to this attitude,

相对于这种态度，

I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.

我呼吁温柔 — — 温柔的爱。

What is tenderness?

什么是温柔？

To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses.

温柔意谓着去接受 你爱人的弱点。

It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.

它非关成为某种 悲凉的伴侣照护者哟。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

That's pretty bad.

它没那么糟。

On the contrary,

相反地，

there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.

在温柔中，存在着许多魅力和幸福。

I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused.

我特别想到一种幽默， 这种幽默，很不幸地，尚未得到充分利用。

It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.

它是一种蓄意的尴尬诗歌。

I refer to self-mockery.

我指的是自嘲。

For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported

对于那些由传统约束的、

by the constraints of tradition,

无以为继的伴侣们，

I believe that self-mockery

我相信自嘲

is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.

是得以忍受彼此关系的最佳途径之一。