Love -- you're doing it wrong | Yann Dall'Aglio

Translator: Naíma Perrella Milani Reviewer: Elisabeth Buffard

Prevoditelj: Igor Pureta Recezent: Ivan Stamenković

What is love?

Što je to ljubav?

It's a hard term to define

Ljubav je teško definirati

in so far as it has a very wide application.

jer ima vrlo široku primjenu.

I can love jogging.

Mogu voljeti trčanje.

I can love a book, a movie.

Mogu voljeti knjigu, film.

I can love escalopes.

Mogu voljeti odreske.

I can love my wife.

Mogu voljeti svoju suprugu.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

But there's a great difference

Ali primjerice, postoji velika razlika

between an escalope and my wife, for instance.

između odreska i moje supruge.

That is, if I value the escalope,

Točnije, ako ja cijenim odrezak,

the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back.

taj odrezak, s druge strane, ne cijeni mene.

Whereas my wife, she calls me

Dok moja supruga mene naziva

the star of her life.

zvijezdom njenog života.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Therefore, only another desiring conscience

Stoga, jedino druga savjest koja žudi

can conceive me as a desirable being.

može mene doživjeti kao poželjno biće.

I know this, that's why

Znam to, jer je to razlog

love can be defined in a more accurate way

zbog kojeg se ljubav može točnije definirati

as the desire of being desired.

kao želja za biti poželjnim.

Hence the eternal problem of love:

Iz toga izvire i vječni problem u ljubavi:

how to become and remain desirable?

kako postati i ostati poželjnim?

The individual used to find

Osoba je navikla nalaziti

an answer to this problem

rješenje za ovaj probem

by submitting his life to community rules.

time što podvrgava svoj život pravilima društva.

You had a specific part to play

Igrali ste specifičnu ulogu

according to your sex, your age,

s obzirom na spol, dob,

your social status,

društveni status,

and you only had to play your part

i trebali ste samo odigrati svoj dio

to be valued and loved by the whole community.

da biste bili cijenjeni i voljeni u cijeloj zajednici.

Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage.

Mislite o mladoj ženi koja mora ostati nevina prije braka.

Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son,

Razmislite o najmlađem sinu, koji mora slušati najstarijeg sina,

who in turn must obey the patriarch.

koji zauzvrat mora slušati patrijarha.

But a phenomenon

No, fenomen

started in the 13th century,

je započet u 13. stoljeću,

mainly in the Renaissance, in the West,

uglavnom u renesansi za zapadu,

that caused the biggest identity crisis

koji je prouzročio najveću krizu identiteta

in the history of humankind.

u povijesti čovječanstva.

This phenomenon is modernity.

Ovaj fenomen je suvremenost.

We can basically summarize it through a triple process.

Možemo ga sumirati kroz trostruki proces.

First, a process of rationalization of scientific research,

Prvo, proces racionalizacije znanstvenih istraživanja,

which has accelerated technical progress.

koji je ubrzao tehnički napredak.

Next, a process of political democratization,

Zatim, proces političke demokratizacije,

which has fostered individual rights.

koji potiče individualna prava.

And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production

I na kraju, proces racionalizacije ekonomske proizvodnje

and of trade liberalization.

i slobodne trgovine.

These three intertwined processes

Ova tri isprepletena procesa

have completely annihilated

su totalno istrijebili

all the traditional bearings of Western societies,

svo tradicionalno znamenje zapadnih društava,

with radical consequences for the individual.

s radikalnim posljedicama za pojedinca.

Now individuals are free

Sada su pojedinci slobodni

to value or disvalue

vrednovati ili ne vrednovati

any attitude, any choice, any object.

bilo koji stav, izbor ili objekt.

But as a result, they are themselves confronted

No, kao rezultat, sami su suočeni s

with this same freedom that others have

istom slobodom koju imaju i ostali

to value or disvalue them.

da vrednuju ili ne vrednuju njih same.

In other words, my value was once ensured

Drugim riječima, moja vrijednost je nekoć bila osigurana

by submitting myself to the traditional authorities.

podvrgavanjem tradicionalnim autoritetima.

Now it is quoted in the stock exchange.

Sada je izlistana na burzi.

On the free market of individual desires,

Na slobodnom tržištu želja pojedinaca,

I negotiate my value every day.

pregovaram svaki dan o svojoj vrijednosti.

Hence the anxiety of contemporary man.

Otuda anksioznost modernog čovjeka.

He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable?

Opsjednut je: "Jesam li poželjan? Koliko poželjan?

How many people are going to love me?"

Koliko ljudi će me voljeti?"

And how does he respond to this anxiety?

Kako odgovara na tu anksioznost?

Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability.

Pa, histeričnim skupljanjem simbola poželjnosti.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

I call this act of collecting,

Ovo zovem činom skupljanja,

along with others, seduction capital.

zajedno s ostalim, kapitalom zavođenja.

Indeed, our consumer society

Doista, naše potrošačko društvo

is largely based on seduction capital.

je velikim dijelom bazirano na kapitalu zavođenja.

It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic.

Rečeno je u vezi te potrošnje da je naše doba materijalističko.

But it's not true! We only accumulate objects

No, to nije istina! Samo gomilamo objekte

in order to communicate with other minds.

kako bismo komunicirali s drugim umovima.

We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.

Radimo to da nas zavole, da ih zavedemo.

Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental,

Ništa nije manje materijalističko ili više sentimentalno,

than a teenager buying brand new jeans

od tinejdžera koji kupuje nove traperice

and tearing them at the knees,

i podere ih na koljenima,

because he wants to please Jennifer.

jer želi zadovoljiti Jennifer.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Consumerism is not materialism.

Konzumerizam nije materijalizam.

It is rather what is swallowed up

Više je ono što je progutano

and sacrificed in the name of the god of love,

i žrtvovano u ime boga ljubavi,

or rather in the name of seduction capital.

ili u ime kapitala zavođenja.

In light of this observation on contemporary love,

U svjetlu ovih opažanja moderne ljubavi,

how can we think of love in the years to come?

kako možemo razmišljati o ljubavi u narednim godinama?

We can envision two hypotheses:

Možemo zamisliti dvije hipoteze:

The first one consists of betting

Prva se sastoji od klađenja

that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify.

da će se ovaj proces narcisističke kapitalizacije pojačati.

It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take,

Teško je reći koji će oblik to pojačanje uzeti,

because it largely depends

jer uvelike ovisi

on social and technical innovations,

o društvenim i tehničkim inovacijama,

which are by definition difficult to predict.

koje je teško za predvidjeti po definiciji.

But we can, for instance,

Možemo, na primjer,

imagine a dating website

zamisliti stranicu za upoznavanje

which, a bit like those loyalty points programs,

koja, otprilike kao bodovi za vjernost,

uses seduction capital points

koristi bodove kapitala zavođenja

that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio,

koji variraju prema mojoj dobi, omjeru visine i težine,

my degree, my salary,

mojoj diplomi, mojoj plaći,

or the number of clicks on my profile.

ili broju klikova na moj profil.

We can also imagine

Možemo također zamisliti

a chemical treatment for breakups

kemijski tretman za prekide

that weakens the feelings of attachment.

koji oslabljuju osjećaje privrženosti.

By the way, there's a program on MTV already

Usput, već postoji emisija na MTV-u

in which seduction teachers

u kojoj učitelji zavođenja

treat heartache as a disease.

tretiraju slomljeno srce kao bolest.

These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists."

Ti učitelji sami sebe zovu "pick-up artistima".

"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste."

"Artist" je jednostavno, znači "umjetnik".

"Pick-up" is to pick someone up,

"Pick-up" znači da pokupite nekoga,

but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks.

ali ne bilo kakvo kupljenje -- pokupite cure.

So they are artists of picking up chicks.

Dakle oni su umjetnici kupljenja cura.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And they call heartache "one-itis."

Bol srca zovu "one-itis".

In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection.

Na engleskom, "itis" je sufiks koji označuje infekciju.

One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one."

One-itis se može prevesti kao "infekcija od nekoga".

It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,

Malo je odvratno. Doista, za pick-up umjetnike,

falling in love with someone

zaljubljivanje

is a waste of time,

je gubitak vremena,

it's squandering your seduction capital,

rasipanje kapitala zavođenja,

so it must be eliminated

stoga mora biti eliminirana

like a disease, like an infection.

poput bolesti ili infekcije.

We can also envision

Također, možemo zamisliti

a romantic use of the genome.

romantičnu upotrebu genoma.

Everyone would carry it around

Svi bi ga nosili posvuda

and present it like a business card

i pokazivali kao vizitku

to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction.

da potvrde može li zavođenje napredovati u razmnožavanje.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Of course, this race for seduction,

Naravno, ova će utrka za zavođenjem,

like every fierce competition,

kao svako žestoko natjecanje,

will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction,

stvoriti ogromne razlike u narcisističkom zadovoljstvu,

and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.

i stoga, također, mnogo samoće i frustracija.

So we can expect that modernity itself,

Dakle možemo očekivati da sama suvremenost,

which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question.

koja je porijeklom kapital zavođenja, dođe u pitanje.

I'm thinking particularly of the reaction

Razmišljam naročito o reakciji

of neo-fascist or religious communes.

neo-fašističkih ili religijskih zajednica.

But such a future doesn't have to be.

No, budućnost ne mora biti takva.

Another path to thinking about love may be possible.

Moguć je još jedan put razmišljanja o ljubavi.

But how?

No, kako?

How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?

Kako se odreći histerične potrebe da budemo vrednovani?

Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness.

Pa, tako da postanem svjestan svoje beskorisnosti.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Yes,

Da,

I'm useless.

beskoristan sam.

But rest assured:

No budite uvjereni:

so are you.

i vi ste.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

We are all useless.

Svi smo beskorisni.

This uselessness is easily demonstrated,

Ta beskorisnost se lako demonstrira,

because in order to be valued

jer da bih bio vrednovan

I need another to desire me,

trebam nekoga da me želi,

which shows that I do not have any value of my own.

što pokazuje da sam nemam nikakve vrijednosti.

I don't have any inherent value.

Nemam urođenu vrijednost.

We all pretend to have an idol;

Svi se pravimo da imamo idola;

we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually

svi se pravimo da smo nečiji idol, no zapravo

we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street

svi smo varalice, kao čovjek na ulici

who appears totally cool and indifferent,

koji se čini skroz hladan i nezainteresiran,

while he has actually anticipated and calculated

dok je zapravo očekivao i izračunao

so that all eyes are on him.

kako da sve oči budu uprte ka njemu.

I think that becoming aware

Mislim da bi osvještavanje

of this general imposture

ove opće podvale

that concerns all of us

koja nas sve zabrinjava

would ease our love relationships.

olakšalo naše ljubavne veze.

It is because I want to be loved

Iz razloga što želim biti voljen

from head to toe,

od glave do pete,

justified in my every choice,

opravdano je da u svakom mom izboru

that the seduction hysteria exists.

postoji histerija zavođenja.

And therefore I want to seem perfect

I stoga se želim činiti savršenim

so that another can love me.

kako bi me netko mogao voljeti.

I want them to be perfect

Želim od njih da budu savršeni

so that I can be reassured of my value.

kako bih bio uvjeren u svoju vrijednost.

It leads to couples

To vodi do parova

obsessed with performance

koji su opsjednuti izvedbom

who will break up, just like that,

koji će prekinuti samo tako,

at the slightest underachievement.

na najmanji neuspjeh.

In contrast to this attitude,

U kontrastu s ovim ponašanjem,

I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness.

pozivam na nježnost -- ljubav kao nježnost.

What is tenderness?

Što je nježnost?

To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses.

Biti nježan je prihvatiti mane voljene osobe.

It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies.

Ne radi se o tome da postanete stari, tužni par.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

That's pretty bad.

To je poprilično loše.

On the contrary,

Suprotno,

there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness.

postoji mnogo šarma i sreće u nježnosti.

I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused.

Referiram se specifično na vrstu humora koja se nažalost nedovoljno koristi.

It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness.

Poezija namjerne neugode.

I refer to self-mockery.

Referiram se na ismijavanje samog sebe.

For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported

Za par koji više nije ograničen, podržan

by the constraints of tradition,

ograničenjima tradicije,

I believe that self-mockery

Vjerujem da je ismijavanje samog

is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.

sebe jedan od najboljih načina za opstanak veze.