How I hacked online dating | Amy Webb

Prevodilac: Radica Stojanović Lektor: Mile Živković

So my name is Amy Webb,

Zovem se Ejmi Veb,

and a few years ago I found myself at the end

i pre nekoliko godina sam se ponovo našla

of yet another fantastic relationship

na kraju još jedne fenomenalne veze

that came burning down in a spectacular fashion.

koja se završila na spektakularan način.

I pomislila sam, šta nije u redu sa mnom?

And I thought, what's wrong with me?

I don't understand why this keeps happening.

Ne razumem zašto mi se ovo stalno dešava.

So I asked everybody in my life what they thought.

Tako sam pitala svakoga ko je deo mog života

šta misli o tome.

I turned to my grandmother, who always had plenty of advice,

Pitala sam svoju baku,

koja je oduvek puna saveta,

and she said, "Stop being so picky.

i ona je odgovorila: "Ne budi toliko izbirljiva.

You've got to date around.

Moraš da se zabavljaš.

And most importantly,

I što je najvažnije,

true love will find you when you least expect it."

prava ljubav će naići kad se najmanje nadaš."

Now as it turns out,

I kako se ispostavilo,

I'm somebody who thinks a lot about data,

ja sam neko ko puno razmišlja o podacima,

as you'll soon find.

što ćete uskoro i sami otkriti.

I am constantly swimming in numbers, formulas and charts.

Stalno plivam u brojevima

i formulama i čartovima.

Takođe sam jako vezana za porodicu,

I also have a very tight-knit family,

and I'm very, very close with my sister,

veoma sam bliska sa sestrom,

and as a result, I wanted to have the same type of family when I grew up.

i kao rezultat toga, želela sam da imam

sličnu porodicu i kada odrastem.

So I'm at the end of this bad breakup,

I tako sam na kraju tog gadnog raskida,

I'm 30 years old,

imam 30 godina,

I figure I'm probably going to have to date somebody for about six months

shvatam da ću verovatno morati

da se zabavljam sa nekim oko 6 meseci

before I'm ready to get monogamous

pre nego što se odlučim na monogamnost

and before we can sort of cohabitate,

i pre nego što ćemo moći da funkcionišemo zajedno,

and we have to do that for a while before we can get engaged.

to će trajati neko izvesno vreme pre nego što se verimo.

And if I want to start having children by the time I'm 35,

I ako želim da imam decu pre 35.,

that meant that I would have had to have been on my way to marriage

to bi značilo da sam morala

da budem na putu da se udam još pre pet godina.

five years ago.

So that wasn't going to work.

Pa to neće ići.

If my strategy was to least-expect my way into true love,

Ako je moja strategija bila da ću sresti pravu ljubav

kad se najmanje nadam, onda je varijabla koju sam imala

then the variable that I had to deal with was serendipity.

bila suočavanje sa srećnom okolnošću.

In short, I was trying to figure out

Ukratko, pokušavala sam da otkrijem

koja je verovatnoća da ću pronaći svog gospodina Pravog?

what's the probability of my finding Mr. Right?

Well, at the time I was living in the city of Philadelphia,

U to vreme sam živela u Filadelfiji,

to je veliki grad, i shvatila sam

and it's a big city, and I figured,

in this entire place, there are lots of possibilities.

da na tolikom prostoru ima puno mogućnosti.

So again, I started doing some math.

I ponovo sam počela malo da računam.

Population of Philadelphia: it has 1.5 million people.

Populacija Filadelfije je 1,5 miliona ljudi.

I figure about half of that are men,

Pretpostavila sam da su pola od toga muškarci,

i to smanjuje broj na 750 000.

so that takes the number down to 750,000.

I'm looking for a guy between the ages of 30 and 36,

Tragam za muškarcem između 30 i 36 godina,

which was only four percent of the population,

što čini svega 4% populacije,

so now I'm dealing with the possibility of 30,000 men.

tako da se sada suočavam sa mogućnošću od 30 000 muškaraca.

I was looking for somebody who was Jewish,

Tražila sam nekoga ko je Jevrejin,

jer ja sam Jevrejka i to mi je važno.

because I am and that was important to me.

That's only 2.3 percent of the population.

To je svega 2,3 procenata populacije.

I figure I'm attracted to maybe one out of 10 of those men,

I pretpostavila sam da će me privući jedan od 10

od tih muškaraca,

and there was no way I was going to deal with somebody who was an avid golfer.

i nije bilo šanse da ću da budem sa nekim

ko je strastveni igrač golfa.

So that basically meant there were 35 men for me

I to je praktično značilo da je bilo 35 muškaraca

that I could possibly date

sa kojima bih možda mogla da izađem

in the entire city of Philadelphia.

u čitavom gradu Filadelfiji.

In the meantime, my very large Jewish family

U međuvremenu, u mojoj velikoj jevrejskoj porodici

was already all married and well on their way

svi su već bili venčani i na putu

to having lots and lots of children,

da imaju mnogo dece,

and I felt like I was under tremendous peer pressure

i osećala sam da sam pod neverovatnim pritiskom

to get my life going already.

da se moj život pokrene.

So I have two possible strategies at this point

I ukoliko imam svega dve mogućnosti u ovom trenutku

I'm sort of figuring out.

moram to rešiti.

Jedna, mogu poslušati savet bake

One, I can take my grandmother's advice

and sort of least-expect my way

da ću, kad se najmanje nadam,

into maybe bumping into the one out of 35 possible men

da naletim na jednog

od 35 mogućih muškaraca u celom

in the entire 1.5-million-person city of Philadelphia,

gradu Filadelfiji koji ima 1,5 miliona stanovnika,

or I could try online dating.

ili da pokušam sastanak preko interneta.

Now, I like the idea of online dating,

Sviđa mi se ideja sastanka preko interneta,

because it's predicated on an algorithm,

jer se zasniva na algoritmu,

and that's really just a simple way of saying

i to je zaista jednostavan način da se kaže

I've got a problem, I'm going to use some data,

imam problem, upotrebiću neke podatke,

run it through a system and get to a solution.

provući ih kroz sistem

i dobiti rešenje.

So online dating is the second most popular way

Internet upoznavanje je drugi najpopularniji način

that people now meet each other,

kako se ljudi upoznaju,

but as it turns out, algorithms have been around

ali se ispostavilo da algoritmi postoje

for thousands of years in almost every culture.

hiljadama godina u svakoj kulturi.

In fact, in Judaism, there were matchmakers a long time ago,

U judaizmu zapravo, postojale su provodadžije,

pre mnogo vremena, i iako

and though they didn't have an explicit algorithm per se,

nisu imali nikakav algoritam u pravom smislu,

they definitely were running through formulas in their heads,

sigurno je da su imali formule u glavama,

recimo, da li će se devojci dopasti ovaj momak?

like, is the girl going to like the boy?

Hoće li se porodice slagati?

Are the families going to get along?

What's the rabbi going to say?

Šta će reći rabin?

Hoće li odmah imati decu?

Are they going to start having children right away?

The matchmaker would sort of think through all of this,

I provodadžija bi razmislio o svemu ovome,

put two people together, and that would be the end of it.

povezao dvoje ljudi i to bi bilo to.

U mom slučaju, mislila sam,

So in my case, I thought,

well, will data and an algorithm lead me to my Prince Charming?

da li će mi podaci i algoritam

pokazati put do princa na belom konju?

So I decided to sign on.

Tako sam odlučila da se prijavim.

Now, there was one small catch.

Ali, postojala je jedna začkoljica.

As I'm signing on to the various dating websites,

Kako sam se prijavljivala na razne sajtove za upoznavanje,

as it happens, I was really, really busy.

dešavalo se da sam jako zauzeta.

But that actually wasn't the biggest problem.

Ali to nije bio najveći problem.

The biggest problem is that I hate filling out questionnaires of any kind,

Najveći problem je to što mrzim

da popunjavam upitnike bilo kakve vrste,

and I certainly don't like questionnaires that are like Cosmo quizzes.

i svakako da ne volim upitnike

koji podsećaju na upitnike iz časopisa Kosmopoliten.

So I just copied and pasted from my résumé.

I tako sam samo kopirala svoju biografiju.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So in the descriptive part up top,

Tako sam u gornjem delu za opis

I said that I was an award-winning journalist

napisala da sam nagrađivani novinar

and a future thinker.

i vizionar.

When I was asked about fun activities and my ideal date,

Kada su me pitali o zabavnim aktivnostima

koje želim kod svog partnera, rekla sam zarada

I said monetization and fluency in Japanese.

i tečno znanje japanskog.

I talked a lot about JavaScript.

Puno sam pričala o Java skriptu.

(Laughter)

I očigledno ovo nije bio najbolji način

So obviously this was not the best way to put my most sexy foot forward.

da se prikažem u zavodljivom svetlu.

But the real failure was that there were plenty of men for me to date.

Ali pravi neuspeh je bio

to što je tu bilo puno momaka sa kojima bih izašla.

These algorithms had a sea full of men

Ovi algoritmi su nudili more muškaraca

that wanted to take me out on lots of dates --

koji su želeli da me izvedu na sastanke -

what turned out to be truly awful dates.

koji su se ispostavili očajnim.

There was this guy Steve, the I.T. guy.

Bio je ovaj lik Stiv, IT lik.

The algorithm matched us up because we share a love of gadgets,

Algoritam nas je povezao

jer smo delili strast ka spravicama,

we share a love of math and data and '80s music,

delili smo strast prema matematici i muzici iz osamdesetih,

and so I agreed to go out with him.

tako da sam pristala da izađem sa njim.

So Steve the I.T. guy invited me out

Tako me je Stiv, IT lik, pozvao da izađemo

to one of Philadelphia's white-table-cloth,

u jedan od prestižnih filadelfijskih,

extremely expensive restaurants.

nenormalno skupih restorana.

And we went in, and right off the bat,

Izašli smo, i istog trena,

our conversation really wasn't taking flight,

pošto naš razgovor stvarno nije vodio nikuda,

but he was ordering a lot of food.

on je počeo naručivati mnogo hrane.

In fact, he didn't even bother looking at the menu.

Nije se ni trudio da pogleda jelovnik.

Naručivao je po nekoliko predjela,

He was ordering multiple appetizers, multiple entrées, for me as well,

nekoliko glavnih jela, i za mene takođe,

and suddenly there are piles and piles of food on our table,

i vrlo brzo se stvorila gomila hrane na stolu,

kao i boca vina.

also lots and lots of bottles of wine.

So we're nearing the end of our conversation

Kako se bližio kraj našeg razgovora

and the end of dinner, and I've decided

i večere, odlučila sam

da Stiv i ja nismo jedno za drugo,

Steve the I.T. guy and I are really just not meant for each other,

ali da možemo biti prijtelji,

but we'll part ways as friends,

when he gets up to go to the bathroom,

kada je on ustao i otišao do toaleta,

and in the meantime, the bill comes to our table.

a u međuvremenu je stigao račun.

Čujte, ja sam savremena žena.

And listen, I'm a modern woman.

I am totally down with splitting the bill.

Skroz sam za to da se račun podeli.

But then Steve the I.T. guy didn't come back.

Ali Stiv, IT lik, se nije vratio. (Uzdah)

(Gasping)

And that was my entire month's rent.

A to je bila moja cela mesečna kirija.

(Audience gasps)

So needless to say, I was not having a good night.

I suvišno je i reći da nisam imala baš prijatno veče.

So I run home, I call my mother, I call my sister,

Otrčala sam kući, pozvala sam majku, sestru,

and as I do, at the end of each one of these terrible, terrible dates,

i kako sam im pričala o svakom

od ovih užasnih sastanaka,

I regale them with the details.

tako sam ih počastila detaljima.

And they say to me,

I rekle su mi:

"Stop complaining."

"Prestani da se žališ".

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

"You're just being too picky."

"Previše si izbirljiva."

So I said, fine, from here on out I'm only going on dates

Rekla sam, u redu, od sada

ići ću na sastanke tamo gde znam

where I know there's Wi-Fi, and I'm bringing my laptop.

da postoji internet i nosim svoj laptop.

Gurnuću ga u torbu,

I'm going to shove it into my bag,

I'm going to have this email template,

imaću ovaj imejl šablon,

and I'm going to fill it out and collect information

popuniću ga i sakupiti informacije

o svim ovim raznim podacima tokom sastanaka

on all these different data points during the date

to prove to everybody that empirically,

kako bih svima empirijski dokazala,

these dates really are terrible.

da su ti sastanci očajni. (Smeh)

(Laughter)

Tako sam počela da pratim stvari kao što su:

So I started tracking things like really stupid, awkward, sexual remarks;

jako glupe, čudne, seksualne opaske;

bad vocabulary;

loš rečnik;

the number of times a man forced me to high-five him.

broj puta kada me je naterao da mu bacim pet.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So I started to crunch some numbers,

I tako sam počela da se bavim brojkama,

i napravila neke korelacije.

and that allowed me to make some correlations.

So as it turns out,

Kako se ispostavilo,

for some reason, men who drink Scotch reference kinky sex immediately.

iz nekog razloga, muškarci koji piju viski

odmah ukazuju da vole perverzan seks.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Well, it turns out that these probably weren't bad guys.

Mada, ispostavilo se

da ovo verovatno nisu bili loši momci.

There were just bad for me.

Samo su bili loši za mene.

And as it happens, the algorithms that were setting us up,

A i algoritmi koji su nas spajali

they weren't bad either.

nisu bili loši.

These algorithms were doing exactly what they were designed to do,

Ovi algoritmi su radili upravo ono

za šta su bili stvoreni,

a to je da preuzimaju informacije o korisnicima,

which was to take our user-generated information,

in my case, my résumé,

u mom slučaju, moju biografiju

and match it up with other people's information.

i da ih povežu sa informacijama drugih korisnika.

See, the real problem here is that,

Pravi problem je ovde to što,

dok algoritmi rade baš kako treba,

while the algorithms work just fine,

you and I don't,

mi to ne uspevamo kada smo suočeni

when confronted with blank windows

sa praznim prozorčićima gde treba

where we're supposed to input our information online.

da ubacimo svoje informacije onlajn.

Very few of us have the ability

Samo malo nas ima tu sposobnost

to be totally and brutally honest with ourselves.

da bude potpuno i brutalno iskren sa samim sobom.

The other problem is that these websites are asking us

Drugi problem je i to što nam se na ovim sajtovima postavljaju

questions like, are you a dog person or a cat person?

pitanja kao što su: jesi li osoba koja voli pse ili mačke?

Do you like horror films or romance films?

Da li voliš horore ili romantične filmove?

I'm not looking for a pen pal.

Ja ne tražim drugara za dopisivanje.

I'm looking for a husband. Right?

Tražim muža. Je li tako?

So there's a certain amount of superficiality in that data.

Tako da postoji i neka doza površnosti u ovim podacima.

So I said fine, I've got a new plan.

I pomislila sam, u redu, imam novi plan.

I'm going to keep using these online dating sites,

Nastaviću da koristim ove sajtove za upoznavanje,

but I'm going to treat them as databases,

ali ću ih koristiti kao bazu podataka,

i umesto da čekam da mi algoritam pronađe para,

and rather than waiting for an algorithm to set me up,

I think I'm going to try reverse-engineering this entire system.

pokušaću da preokrenem ovaj sistem.

So knowing that there was superficial data

Kako znam da ima površnih informacija

that was being used to match me up with other people,

koje se koriste da bi spojile ljude,

I decided instead to ask my own questions.

odlučila sam da umesto toga postavim svoja pitanja.

What was every single possible thing

Pokušala sam da se prisetim svake moguće stvari

koje sam mogla, koje tražim kod partnera.

that I could think of that I was looking for in a mate?

So I started writing

Tako sam počela da pišem i pišem i pišem,

and writing and writing,

and at the end, I had amassed 72 different data points.

i na kraju sam sakupila

72 različita podatka.

I wanted somebody was Jew-ish,

Želela sam da je neko umereni jevrejin,

so I was looking for somebody

dakle tražila sam nekoga ko ima isto

who had the same background and thoughts on our culture,

poreklo i mišljenje o našoj kulturi,

but wasn't going to force me to go to shul every Friday and Saturday.

ali ko me neće forsirati da idem u sinagogu

svakog petka i subote.

I wanted somebody who worked hard,

Želela sam nekoga ko vredno radi,

because work for me is extremely important,

jer je rad za mene jako važan,

but not too hard.

ali ne previše.

Za mene su hobiji koje imam

For me, the hobbies that I have

are really just new work projects that I've launched.

zapravo samo novi projekti koje pokrećem.

I also wanted somebody who not only wanted two children,

Želela sam nekoga ko ne samo da želi dvoje dece,

but was going to have the same attitude toward parenting that I do,

već da ima iste stavove po pitanju vaspitanja kao ja,

so somebody who was going to be totally okay

dakle nekoga kome bi bilo u redu

with forcing our child to start taking piano lessons at age three,

da nateramo decu da uzimaju časove klavira sa tri godine,

možda čak i časove informatike

and also maybe computer science classes if we could wrangle it.

ako uspemo da to uklopimo.

So things like that, but I also wanted somebody

Takve stvari, ali sam takođe htela nekoga

who would go to far-flung, exotic places, like Petra, Jordan.

ko bi išao na daleka, egzotična putovanja,

kao što je Petra u Jordanu.

Želela sam i nekoga ko bi bio teži od mene

I also wanted somebody who would weigh 20 pounds more than me at all times,

oko 10 kilograma u svakom trenutku,

regardless of what I weighed.

nezavisno od toga koliko sam ja teška.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

So I now have these 72 different data points,

I tako sam došla do 72 podatka,

which, to be fair, is a lot.

što je, budimo iskreni, mnogo.

So what I did was, I went through and I prioritized that list.

Tako sam prošla kroz listu

i napravila prioritete.

I broke it into a top tier and a second tier of points,

Napravila sam rang listu top poena i drugorazrednih poena,

and I ranked everything starting at 100

i bodovala sam sve počevši od 100

and going all the way down to 91,

nadole do 91,

and listing things like I was looking for somebody who was really smart,

i nabrajala stvari kao što su da tražim nekoga ko je jako pametan,

ko će mi biti izazov i stimulisati me,

who would challenge and stimulate me,

i potom balansirala to sa drugim rangom

and balancing that with a second tier and a second set of points.

i drugim nizom poena.

These things were also important to me but not necessarily deal-breakers.

Ove stvari su mi takođe važne

ali ne presudne.

(Laughter)

So once I had all this done, I then built a scoring system,

I kada sam ovo uradila,

napravila sam bodovni sistem,

because what I wanted to do was to sort of mathematically calculate

jer sam želela

da matematički proračunam

whether or not I thought the guy that I found online

da li će momak koga nađem onlajn

would be a match with me.

biti dobar par za mene.

I figured there would be a minimum of 700 points

Neko bi morao da ima makar 700 poena

before I would agree to email somebody or respond to an email message.

da bih mu poslala

ili odgovorila na mejl.

For 900 points, I'd agree to go out on a date,

Sa 900 poena, pristala bih na sastanak,

a nikako ne bih ni razmatrala vezu

and I wouldn't even consider any kind of relationship

before somebody had crossed the 1,500 point threshold.

sa nekim ko ne prelazi 1500 poena.

Well, as it turns out, this worked pretty well.

Ispostavilo se da je ovo radilo prilično dobro.

So I go back online now.

Tako sam se vratila.

I found Jewishdoc57

Našla sam Jewishdoc57

who's incredibly good-looking, incredibly well-spoken,

ko je bio jako zgodan, vrlo naočit,

he had hiked Mt. Fuji,

ko je šetao planinom Fudži,

he had walked along the Great Wall.

a takođe i Velikim Zidom.

He likes to travel

Voli da putuje dok god ne ide kruzerom.

as long as it doesn't involve a cruise ship.

I pomislila sam: uspelo mi je!

And I thought,

I've done it!

I've cracked the code.

Razbila sam šifru.

I have just found the Jewish Prince Charming

Pronašla sam jevrejskog princa na konju

of my family's dreams.

iz snova moje porodice.

There was only one problem:

Ali postojao je samo jedan problem:

ja se njemu nisam dopala.

He didn't like me back.

And I guess the one variable that I haven't considered

I jedna varijabla koju nisam uzela u obzir

is the competition.

jeste konkurencija.

Who are all of the other women on these dating sites?

Ko su sve ostale žene

na ovim sajtovima?

I found SmileyGirl1978.

Našla sam SmileyGirl1978.

She said she was a "Fun girl who is Happy and Outgoing."

Rekla je da je zabavna osoba koja voli izlaske.

She listed her job as "teacher."

Napisala je i da je nastavnica.

She said she is "silly, nice and friendly."

Još je dodala da je pomalo luckasta, prijatna i druželjubiva.

She likes to make people laugh "alot."

Voli da zasmejava ljude "bašpuno".

At this moment I knew,

U ovom trenutku sam saznala, gledajući profil

clicking profile after profile that looked like this,

za profilom koji su bili poput ovog,

that I needed to do some market research.

da moram malo da ispitam tržište.

Napravila sam 10 lažnih muških profila.

So I created 10 fake male profiles.

Now, before I lose all of you --

E sad, pre nego što vas sve izgubim -

(Laughter) --

(Smeh) -

morate da razumete da sam sve ovo uradila

understand that I did this strictly to gather data

samo da bih prikupila podatke

about everybody else in the system.

o svima ostalima u sistemu.

I didn't carry on crazy Catfish-style relationships with anybody.

Nisam nastavila nikakvu ludu vezu ni sa kim.

I really was just scraping their data.

Samo sam tragala za podacima.

But I didn't want everybody's data.

Ali nisam htela podatke od svakoga.

I only wanted data on the women who were going to be attracted

Samo sam htela podatke onih žena

koje su privlačile

to the type of man that I really, really wanted to marry.

tip muškaraca za koje sam želela da se udam. (Smeh)

When I released these men into the wild,

Kada sam pustila ove muškarce u divljinu,

I did follow some rules.

pratila sam neka pravila.

So I didn't reach out to any woman first.

Nisam prva posezala za ženama.

I just waited to see who these profiles were going to attract,

Čekala sam da vidim koga će ovi profili privući,

and mainly what I was looking at was two different data sets.

i ono što sam tražila su bile dve grupe podataka.

So I was looking at qualitative data,

Gledala sam kvalitativne podatke,

so what was the humor, the tone,

kakav humor, ton,

the voice, the communication style

glas, stil komunikacije

that these women shared in common?

je bio zajednički svim ovim ženama?

And also quantitative data,

Takođe i kvantitativne podatke,

so what was the average length of their profile,

prosečna dužina njihovih profila,

how much time was spent between messages?

koliko je vremena proticalo između poruka?

Ovako sam pokušavala

What I was trying to get at here was that I figured, in person,

da provalim osobu,

I would be just as competitive as a SmileyGirl1978.

kako bih bila jednako kompetitivna

kao i SmileyGirl1978.

I wanted to figure out how to maximize my own profile online.

Želela sam da otkrijem kako da uvećam

šanse svog onlajn profila.

Well, one month later,

Mesec dana kasnije,

I had a lot of data, and I was able to do another analysis.

imala sam dovoljno podataka da uradim još jednu analizu.

And as it turns out, content matters a lot.

Kako se ispostavilo, sadržaj je jako bitan.

So smart people tend to write a lot --

Pametni ljudi teže da pišu puno -

3 000, 4 000,

3,000, 4,000, 5,000 words about themselves,

5 000 reči o sebi,

which may all be very, very interesting.

što može da bude jako zanimljivo.

The challenge here, though, is that the popular men and women

Izazov ovde je to što

popularni muškarci i žene

are sticking to 97 words on average

u proseku imaju po 97 reči

that are written very, very well,

napisanih jako dobro,

even though it may not seem like it all the time.

čak iako ne mora tako da deluje uvek.

The other hallmark of the people who do this well

Još jedan tipičan znak ljudi koji ovo rade dobro

is that they're using non-specific language.

jeste što koriste nespecifičan jezik.

Tako da, u mom slučaju,

So in my case,

"The English Patient" is my most favorite movie ever,

"Engleski pacijent" je moj omiljeni film,

but it doesn't work to use that in a profile,

ali ne vredi upotrebiti to u profilu,

because that's a superficial data point,

jer je to nebitan podatak,

a neko se možda ne slaže sa mnom

and somebody may disagree

and decide they don't want to go out

i odluči da ne izađe sa mnom na sastanak

jer mu se ne sviđa ideja da sedi i tri sata gleda film.

because they didn't like sitting through the three-hour movie.

Takođe, optimističan jezik je jako bitan.

Also, optimistic language matters a lot.

Ovo je oblak reči

So this is a word cloud

highlighting the most popular words that were used

i naglašeno je koje su najpopularnije reči koje su korišćene

by the most popular women,

kod najpopularnijih žena,

words like "fun" and "girl" and "love."

reči kao "zabavno" i "devojka" i "ljubav".

And what I realized was not that I had to dumb down my own profile.

Shvatila sam da ne moram

da zaglupljujem svoj profil.

Remember, I'm somebody who said

Setite se, ja sam osoba

that I speak fluent Japanese and I know JavaScript

koja tečno govori japanski i zna java skript

and I was okay with that.

i to je u redu.

The difference is that it's about being more approachable

Razlika je u tome da se bude pristupačniji

and helping people understand the best way to reach out to you.

i da se pomogne ljudima da razumeju

koji je najbolji način da dođu do vas.

And as it turns out, timing is also really, really important.

I kako se pokazalo, vreme je jako važno.

Samo zato što imate pristup

Just because you have access to somebody's mobile phone number

nečijem mobilnom telefonu

or their instant message account

ili njihovom mejlu

and it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you happen to be awake,

i desi se da ste budni u dva ujutro,

ne znači da je to dobro vreme da pričate sa tim ljudima.

doesn't mean that that's a good time to communicate with those people.

Popularne žene na ovim sajtovima

The popular women on these online sites

spend an average of 23 hours in between each communication.

imaju u proseku 23 sata pauze

između dva razgovora.

And that's what we would normally do in the usual process of courtship.

I tako je i u normalnom

procesu udvaranja.

And finally --

I konačno, tu su i fotografije.

there were the photos.

Sve popularne žene

All of the women who were popular showed some skin.

pokazuju kožu.

They all looked really great,

Sve izgledaju sjajno,

which turned out to be in sharp contrast

što je u direktnoj suprotnosti

to what I had uploaded.

sa onim što sam ja izbacila.

(Laughter)

Once I had all of this information,

Kada sam prikupila sve ove informacije,

I was able to create a super profile,

mogla sam da napravim super profil,

so it was still me,

tako da sam to i dalje ja,

but it was me optimized now for this ecosystem.

ali prilagođena ovom ekosistemu.

And as it turns out, I did a really good job.

Ispostavilo se da sam odradila jako dobar posao.

I was the most popular person online.

Postala sam najpopularnija osoba onlajn.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

And as it turns out, lots and lots of men wanted to date me.

Ispostavilo se da je mnogo muškaraca želelo da izađe sa mnom.

So I call my mom, I call my sister, I call my grandmother.

Pozvala sam majku, sestru, baku.

Saopštila sam im ove fenomenalne vesti,

I'm telling them about this fabulous news,

i rekle su: "Pa to je odlično!

and they say, "This is wonderful! How soon are you going out?"

Kada izlaziš?"

I said, "Actually, I'm not going to go out with anybody."

Rekla sam: "Pa, zapravo, ne izlazim ni sa kim."

Because remember, in my scoring system,

Jer, setite se, u mom bodovnom sistemu,

they have to reach a minimum threshold of 700 points,

bilo je potrebno da se pređe minimum od 700 poena,

and none of them have done that.

a niko od njih nije uspeo u tome.

They said, "What? You're still being too damn picky."

Rekle su mi: "Šta? I dalje si toliko prokleto izbirljiva."

Well, not too long after that, I found this guy, Thevenin,

Međutim, nedugo nakon toga,

našla sam ovog momka, Tevenina,

and he said that he was culturally Jewish,

rekao je da je jevrejskog porekla,

da je lovac na bebe arktičkih foka,

he said that his job was an arctic baby seal hunter,

za šta mislim da je jako pametno.

which I thought was very clever.

He talked in detail about travel.

Detaljno je pričao o putovanjima.

He made a lot of really interesting cultural references.

Naveo je puno interesantnih kulturoloških referenci.

He looked and talked exactly like what I wanted,

Izgledao je i pričao upravo onako kako sam htela

and immediately, he scored 850 points.

i istog trena je zaradio 850 poena.

It was enough for a date.

To je bilo dovoljno za sastanak.

Three weeks later, we met up in person

Tri sedmice kasnije, sreli smo se

for what turned out to be a 14-hour-long conversation

što je dovelo do četrnaestočasovnog razgovora

koji se od kafića preselio u restoran

that went from coffee shop to restaurant

to another coffee shop to another restaurant,

do sledećeg kafića i sledećeg restorana,

and when he dropped me back off at my house that night

i kada me je vratio kući te večeri

I re-scored him --

dala sam mu novi skor -

1050 poena! -

[1,050 points!]

Thought, you know what,

iako, znate šta,

this entire time, I haven't been picky enough.

sve ovo vreme uopšte nisam bila dovoljno izbirljiva.

Well, a year and a half after that,

Pa, godinu i po dana nakon toga,

we were non-cruise ship traveling

bili smo na putovanju bez kruzera

through Petra, Jordan,

kroz Petru u Jordanu,

when he got down on his knee and proposed.

kada se spustio na koleno i zaprosio me.

A year after that, we were married,

Godinu dana nakon toga bili smo u braku,

and about a year and a half after that,

a godinu i po nakon toga, naša kćerka,

our daughter, Petra, was born.

Petra, je rođena.

Audience: Oh!

(Aplauz)

(Applause)

[What it means...]

Obviously, I'm having a fabulous life, so --

Očigledno je da imam fenomenalan život, tako da -

(Laughter)

(Smeh) -

The question is, what does all of this mean for you?

je pitanje, šta ovo znači vama?

Well, as it turns out, there is an algorithm for love.

Pa, ispostavilo se da postoji algoritam za ljubav.

It's just not the ones that we're being presented with online.

Samo to nisu oni koji su nam predstavljeni na internetu.

In fact, it's something that you write yourself.

To je nešto što sami pišete.

Pa bilo da tragate za mužem ili ženom,

So whether you're looking for a husband or a wife

or you're trying to find your passion

ili pokušavate da pronađete svoju strast

or you're trying to start a business,

ili da pokrenete svoj biznis,

sve što treba da uradite je da kreirate sopstveni okvir

all you have to really do is figure out your own framework

and play by your own rules,

i da igrate po svojim pravilima,

and feel free to be as picky as you want.

i imajte slobodu da budete izbirljivi koliko god hoćete.

Well, on my wedding day,

Na dan mog venčanja,

I had a conversation again with my grandmother,

ponovo sam pričala sa bakom,

i rekla mi je: "Pa dobro, možda nisam bila u pravu.

and she said, "All right, maybe I was wrong.

It looks like you did come up with a really, really great system.

izgleda da si došla

do stvarno sjajnog sistema.

Now, your matzah balls ...

A sad, tvoje maca knedle

Treba da su vazdušaste, ne ovako tvrde."

They should be fluffy, not hard."

(Laughter)

I poslušaću taj njen savet.

And I'll take her advice on that.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)