How I hacked online dating | Amy Webb

Translator: David J. Kreps Finnemann Reviewer: Bettina Løhmann

So my name is Amy Webb,

Mit navn er Amy Webb,

and a few years ago I found myself at the end

og for et par år siden stod jeg i slutningen af

of yet another fantastic relationship

endnu et fantastisk forhold

that came burning down in a spectacular fashion.

der sluttede i spektakulære flammer.

Og jeg tænkte: "Hvad er der galt med mig?

And I thought, what's wrong with me?

I don't understand why this keeps happening.

Jeg forstår ikke, hvorfor dette bliver ved med at ske."

So I asked everybody in my life what they thought.

Så jeg spurgte alle i mit liv om,

hvad de tænkte.

I turned to my grandmother, who always had plenty of advice,

Jeg spurgte min bedstemor,

der altid har masser af råd,

and she said, "Stop being so picky.

og hun sagde, "Lad være med at være så kræsen.

You've got to date around.

Du er nødt til at gå på dates.

And most importantly,

Og allervigtigst,

true love will find you when you least expect it."

den ægte kærlighed finder dig, når du mindst venter det."

Now as it turns out,

Det viser sig,

I'm somebody who thinks a lot about data,

at jeg er en person, der tænker meget på data,

as you'll soon find.

som I snart finder ud af.

I am constantly swimming in numbers, formulas and charts.

Jeg svømmer konstant i tal,

formler og diagrammer.

Jeg har også en meget fast sammentømret familie,

I also have a very tight-knit family,

and I'm very, very close with my sister,

jeg har et meget, meget nært forhold til min søster,

and as a result, I wanted to have the same type of family when I grew up.

og derfor ønskede jeg også

den samme form for familie, når jeg blev voksen.

So I'm at the end of this bad breakup,

Jeg er altså i slutningen af dette slemme brud,

I'm 30 years old,

jeg er 30 år gammel,

I figure I'm probably going to have to date somebody for about six months

jeg tror, at jeg skal date nogen i

omkring et halvt års tid,

before I'm ready to get monogamous

før jeg er klar til at blive monogam

and before we can sort of cohabitate,

før vi mere eller mindre kan leve sammen,

and we have to do that for a while before we can get engaged.

og det skal ske i noget tid, inden vi bliver forlovede.

And if I want to start having children by the time I'm 35,

Og hvis jeg vil til at have børn, inden jeg er 35,

that meant that I would have had to have been on my way to marriage

betød det, at jeg skulle have været

på vej ind i ægteskabet for fem år siden.

five years ago.

So that wasn't going to work.

Så det skulle ikke være sådan.

If my strategy was to least-expect my way into true love,

Hvis min strategi var at mindst forvente mig

til ægte kærlighed, så skulle jeg tage højde for

then the variable that I had to deal with was serendipity.

den variabel, der hedder lykketræf.

In short, I was trying to figure out

Kort sagt prøvede jeg at regne ud,

hvad sandsynligheden var for, at jeg kunne finde ridderen på den hvide hest?

what's the probability of my finding Mr. Right?

Well, at the time I was living in the city of Philadelphia,

På det tidspunkt boede jeg i Philadelphia,

og det er en stor by, så jeg tænkte,

and it's a big city, and I figured,

in this entire place, there are lots of possibilities.

at på hele dette område er der masser af muligheder.

So again, I started doing some math.

Jeg begyndte igen med nogle udregninger.

Population of Philadelphia: it has 1.5 million people.

Indbyggertallet i Philadelphia: der er 1,5 million mennesker.

I figure about half of that are men,

Jeg går ud fra, at cirka halvdelen er mænd,

så det halverer tallet til 750.000.

so that takes the number down to 750,000.

I'm looking for a guy between the ages of 30 and 36,

Jeg leder efter en fyr, der er mellem 30 og 36 år,

which was only four percent of the population,

hvilket kun var 4 procent af indbyggertallet,

so now I'm dealing with the possibility of 30,000 men.

så nu har jeg at gøre med 30.000 mulige mænd.

I was looking for somebody who was Jewish,

Jeg ledte efter en, der var jødisk,

for det er jeg, og det var vigtigt for mig.

because I am and that was important to me.

That's only 2.3 percent of the population.

Det er kun 2,3 procent af indbyggertallet.

I figure I'm attracted to maybe one out of 10 of those men,

Jeg antager, at jeg kun tiltrækkes af én ud af ti

af de mænd,

and there was no way I was going to deal with somebody who was an avid golfer.

og jeg skulle på ingen måde

have med nogen at gøre, der var ivrige golfspillere.

So that basically meant there were 35 men for me

Så det betød dybest set, at der var 35 mænd til mig,

that I could possibly date

som jeg på nogen måde kunne få lyst til at date

in the entire city of Philadelphia.

i hele Philadelphia.

In the meantime, my very large Jewish family

I mellemtiden var hele min meget store, jødiske familie

was already all married and well on their way

allerede gift og godt i gang med

to having lots and lots of children,

at få masser og masser af børn,

and I felt like I was under tremendous peer pressure

så jeg følte, at jeg var under et enormt gruppepres

to get my life going already.

for at få gang i mit liv.

So I have two possible strategies at this point

Jeg har nærmest kun to mulige strategier på dette tidspunkt,

I'm sort of figuring out.

som jeg prøver at regne ud.

Som det første kan jeg følge min bedstemors råd

One, I can take my grandmother's advice

and sort of least-expect my way

og på en eller anden måde mindst-forvente

into maybe bumping into the one out of 35 possible men

at jeg støder ind i den eneste ene

ud af de 35 mulige mænd i hele

in the entire 1.5-million-person city of Philadelphia,

byen Philadelphia med 1,5 millioner indbyggere

or I could try online dating.

eller jeg kunne prøve online-dating.

Now, I like the idea of online dating,

Jeg kan faktisk godt lide ideen om online-dating,

because it's predicated on an algorithm,

fordi det er baseret på en algoritme,

and that's really just a simple way of saying

og det er i virkeligheden en simpel måde at sige

I've got a problem, I'm going to use some data,

at man har et problem, man vil anvende nogle data,

run it through a system and get to a solution.

køre det gennem et system

og finde frem til en løsning.

So online dating is the second most popular way

Online-dating er den næstmest populære måde

that people now meet each other,

for mennesker at møde hinanden på,

but as it turns out, algorithms have been around

men det viser sig, at de algoritmer har været anvendt

for thousands of years in almost every culture.

i tusindvis af år i næsten alle kulturer.

In fact, in Judaism, there were matchmakers a long time ago,

Faktisk var der i jødedommen "Kirsten Gifteknive"

allerede for lang tid siden, og selvom

and though they didn't have an explicit algorithm per se,

de ikke nødvendigvis havde en algoritme som sådan,

they definitely were running through formulas in their heads,

så gennemgik de bestemt nogle formler i tankerne,

f.eks. vil pigen kunne lide drengen?

like, is the girl going to like the boy?

Vil familierne finde ud af det med hinanden?

Are the families going to get along?

What's the rabbi going to say?

Hvad vil rabbineren sige?

Begynder de at få børn med det samme?

Are they going to start having children right away?

The matchmaker would sort of think through all of this,

Og giftekniven vil overveje alle disse ting,

put two people together, and that would be the end of it.

sætte to mennesker sammen, og det vil så være det.

Men i mit tilfælde,

So in my case, I thought,

well, will data and an algorithm lead me to my Prince Charming?

kunne data og algoritmer

så føre mig til min ridder på den hvide hest?

So I decided to sign on.

Jeg besluttede mig for at melde mig ind.

Now, there was one small catch.

Der var dog en lille hage.

As I'm signing on to the various dating websites,

Mens jeg meldte mig til de forskellige datingsider,

as it happens, I was really, really busy.

havde jeg faktisk meget, meget travlt.

But that actually wasn't the biggest problem.

Men det var faktisk ikke det største problem.

The biggest problem is that I hate filling out questionnaires of any kind,

Det største problem er, at jeg hader

at udfylde nogen form for spørgeskemaer,

and I certainly don't like questionnaires that are like Cosmo quizzes.

og jeg kan bestemt ikke lide spørgeskemaer

der er ligesom Cosmo-quizzer.

So I just copied and pasted from my résumé.

Så jeg tog mit cv og kopierede ind fra dét.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

So in the descriptive part up top,

I den beskrivende del øverst

I said that I was an award-winning journalist

skrev jeg, at jeg var en prisvindende journalist

and a future thinker.

og en fremtidstænker.

When I was asked about fun activities and my ideal date,

Da jeg blev spurgt om sjove aktiviteter og

min ideelle date, skrev jeg møntning

I said monetization and fluency in Japanese.

og at kunne flydende japansk.

I talked a lot about JavaScript.

Jeg skrev meget om JavaScript.

(Laughter)

Så dette var åbenlyst ikke den bedste måde

So obviously this was not the best way to put my most sexy foot forward.

at vise mig fra min sexede side.

But the real failure was that there were plenty of men for me to date.

Men den helt store fejl var,

at der var masser af mænd, jeg kunne date.

These algorithms had a sea full of men

Disse algoritmer fremkaldte et hav af mænd,

that wanted to take me out on lots of dates --

der ville invitere mig på masser af dates --

what turned out to be truly awful dates.

hvad der viste sig at være forfærdelige dates.

There was this guy Steve, the I.T. guy.

Der var f.eks. Steve, it-fyren.

The algorithm matched us up because we share a love of gadgets,

Algoritmen satte os sammen,

fordi vi deler en forkærlighed for gadgets,

we share a love of math and data and '80s music,

vi deler en forkærlighed for matematik, data og 80'er-musik,

and so I agreed to go out with him.

så jeg lod ham invitere mig ud.

So Steve the I.T. guy invited me out

It-fyren Steve inviterede mig ud

to one of Philadelphia's white-table-cloth,

på en af Philadelphias fine,

extremely expensive restaurants.

ekstremt dyre restauranter.

And we went in, and right off the bat,

Vi gik ind, og lige fra starten

our conversation really wasn't taking flight,

kom vores samtale ikke rigtigt i gang,

but he was ordering a lot of food.

men han bestilte en masse mad.

In fact, he didn't even bother looking at the menu.

Han så faktisk slet ikke på menukortet.

Han bestilte flere forretter,

He was ordering multiple appetizers, multiple entrées, for me as well,

flere hovedretter, også til mig,

and suddenly there are piles and piles of food on our table,

og pludselig var der bunker og bunker af mad på vores bord,

også en hel masse flasker vin.

also lots and lots of bottles of wine.

So we're nearing the end of our conversation

Vi nærmer os enden på vores samtale

and the end of dinner, and I've decided

og middagens slutning, og jeg har besluttet

at it-fyren Steve og jeg ikke hører sammen,

Steve the I.T. guy and I are really just not meant for each other,

men at vi deles som venner,

but we'll part ways as friends,

when he gets up to go to the bathroom,

og så rejser han sig for at gå på toilet.

and in the meantime, the bill comes to our table.

I mellemtiden kommer regningen til vores bord.

Og hør engang, jeg er en moderne kvinde.

And listen, I'm a modern woman.

I am totally down with splitting the bill.

Jeg har det fint med at dele regningen.

But then Steve the I.T. guy didn't come back.

Men it-fyren Steve kom ikke tilbage. (Gisp)

(Gasping)

And that was my entire month's rent.

Og det var altså en hel måneds husleje.

(Audience gasps)

So needless to say, I was not having a good night.

Jeg behøver nok ikke fortælle, at jeg ikke havde en god aften.

So I run home, I call my mother, I call my sister,

Jeg løber så hjem, ringer til min mor, ringer til min søster,

and as I do, at the end of each one of these terrible, terrible dates,

og mens jeg gør det, efter hver af disse

forfærdelige, forfærdelige dates,

I regale them with the details.

underholder jeg dem med detaljerne.

And they say to me,

De siger til mig,

"Stop complaining."

"Hold op med at brokke dig."

(Laughter)

(Latter)

"You're just being too picky."

"Du er bare for kræsen."

So I said, fine, from here on out I'm only going on dates

Så jeg sagde; "Fint, fra nu af

tager jeg kun på dates, hvor jeg ved,

where I know there's Wi-Fi, and I'm bringing my laptop.

at der er wifi, og jeg tager min laptop med.

Jeg putter den i min taske,

I'm going to shove it into my bag,

I'm going to have this email template,

og så har jeg en email-skabelon,

and I'm going to fill it out and collect information

som jeg udfylder for at indsamle oplysninger

på en masse forskellige datapunkter i løbet af daten

on all these different data points during the date

to prove to everybody that empirically,

for at bevise for alle, at empirisk set

these dates really are terrible.

er alle disse dates virkelig forfærdelige. (Latter)

(Laughter)

Så jeg begyndte at holde styr på ting som

So I started tracking things like really stupid, awkward, sexual remarks;

virkelig dumme, akavede, seksuelle bemærkninger;

bad vocabulary;

dårligt ordforråd;

the number of times a man forced me to high-five him.

antallet af gange, en mand tvang mig til at give ham high-five.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

So I started to crunch some numbers,

Jeg begyndte også at kigge på nogle tal,

og derudfra kunne jeg beregne nogle sammenfald.

and that allowed me to make some correlations.

So as it turns out,

Det viser sig

for some reason, men who drink Scotch reference kinky sex immediately.

af en eller anden grund, at mænd, der drikker whisky

hænger sammen med fræk sex fra starten.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

Well, it turns out that these probably weren't bad guys.

Det viser sig, at de

sikkert ikke var dårlige fyre.

There were just bad for me.

De var bare dårlige til mig.

And as it happens, the algorithms that were setting us up,

Algoritmerne, der satte os sammen,

they weren't bad either.

var heller ikke dårlige.

These algorithms were doing exactly what they were designed to do,

Disse algoritmer gjorde præcis det,

de var designet til at gøre,

nemlig at tage vores brugerskabte oplysninger,

which was to take our user-generated information,

in my case, my résumé,

i mit tilfælde, mit cv,

and match it up with other people's information.

og matche dem med andre menneskers oplysninger.

See, the real problem here is that,

Det virkelige problem her er,

at mens algoritmerne fungerer helt fint,

while the algorithms work just fine,

you and I don't,

gør du og jeg det ikke, når vi står over for

when confronted with blank windows

tomme felter, som vi skal

where we're supposed to input our information online.

udfylde med vores oplysninger.

Very few of us have the ability

Meget få af os har evnen

to be totally and brutally honest with ourselves.

til at være totalt og hudløst ærlige over for os selv.

The other problem is that these websites are asking us

Det andet problem er, at disse hjemmesider stiller os

questions like, are you a dog person or a cat person?

spørgsmål som: er man et hundemenneske eller et kattemenneske?

Do you like horror films or romance films?

Kan man lide gyserfilm eller romantiske film?

I'm not looking for a pen pal.

Jeg leder ikke efter en penneven.

I'm looking for a husband. Right?

Jeg leder efter en mand. Okay?

So there's a certain amount of superficiality in that data.

Der er altså en vis mængde overfladiskhed i de data.

So I said fine, I've got a new plan.

Jeg fik så en ny plan.

I'm going to keep using these online dating sites,

Jeg vil blive ved med at bruge disse online-datingsider,

but I'm going to treat them as databases,

men jeg vil behandle dem som databaser,

og i stedet for at vente på en algoritme, der sætter os sammen,

and rather than waiting for an algorithm to set me up,

I think I'm going to try reverse-engineering this entire system.

vil jeg prøve at vende hele systemet om.

So knowing that there was superficial data

Med den viden, at der blev brugt overfladiske data

that was being used to match me up with other people,

til at sætte mig sammen med andre mennesker,

I decided instead to ask my own questions.

besluttede jeg mig i stedet for at stille mine egne spørgsmål.

What was every single possible thing

Hvad var hver eneste mulige ting,

som jeg kunne komme på, at jeg ledte efter hos en partner?

that I could think of that I was looking for in a mate?

So I started writing

Jeg begyndte at skrive og skrive og skrive,

and writing and writing,

and at the end, I had amassed 72 different data points.

og til slut havde jeg akkumuleret

72 forskellige datapunkter.

I wanted somebody was Jew-ish,

Jeg ville have en, der var jøde…isk,

so I was looking for somebody

så jeg ledte efter nogen, der havde samme

who had the same background and thoughts on our culture,

baggrund og tanker omkring vores kultur,

but wasn't going to force me to go to shul every Friday and Saturday.

men som ikke ville tvinge mig til at gå til shul

hver fredag og lørdag.

I wanted somebody who worked hard,

Jeg ville have en, der arbejdede hårdt,

because work for me is extremely important,

fordi arbejde er ekstremt vigtigt for mig,

but not too hard.

men ikke for hårdt.

For mig er mine hobbyer

For me, the hobbies that I have

are really just new work projects that I've launched.

i virkeligheden bare nye arbejdsprojekter, jeg har sat i gang.

I also wanted somebody who not only wanted two children,

Jeg ville også have en, der ikke kun ville have to børn,

but was going to have the same attitude toward parenting that I do,

men som havde samme indstilling til opdragelse som jeg,

so somebody who was going to be totally okay

med andre ord en, der ville have det helt fint med

with forcing our child to start taking piano lessons at age three,

at tvinge vores børn til at begynde med klaverundervisning i treårsalderen,

og måske også computerundervisning,

and also maybe computer science classes if we could wrangle it.

hvis vi kunne få det til at fungere.

So things like that, but I also wanted somebody

Ting som det, men jeg ville også finde en,

who would go to far-flung, exotic places, like Petra, Jordan.

der ville tage til fjerne, eksotiske steder med mif,

f.eks. Petra i Jordan.

Jeg ville også have en, der altid ville veje

I also wanted somebody who would weigh 20 pounds more than me at all times,

9 kilo mere end mig,

regardless of what I weighed.

uanset hvad jeg selv vejer.

(Latter)

(Laughter)

So I now have these 72 different data points,

Så nu har jeg 72 forskellige datapunkter,

which, to be fair, is a lot.

som ærlig talt er ret mange.

So what I did was, I went through and I prioritized that list.

Jeg gennemgik dem derfor

og prioriterede den liste.

I broke it into a top tier and a second tier of points,

Jeg inddelte den i to lag med punkter,

and I ranked everything starting at 100

hvor jeg rangerede alt begyndende med 100

and going all the way down to 91,

og helt ned til 91,

and listing things like I was looking for somebody who was really smart,

og opstillede ting som, at jeg leder efter en meget klog mand,

som kan udfordre og stimulere mig,

who would challenge and stimulate me,

og balancerede det med det andet lag

and balancing that with a second tier and a second set of points.

og et andet sæt punkter.

These things were also important to me but not necessarily deal-breakers.

Disse ting var også vigtige for mig,

men ikke nødvendigvis nok til at bryde kontrakten.

(Laughter)

So once I had all this done, I then built a scoring system,

Da jeg havde gjort alt dette,

lavede jeg et scoringssystem,

because what I wanted to do was to sort of mathematically calculate

fordi jeg ønskede at

lave en matematisk udregning på,

whether or not I thought the guy that I found online

om jeg mente, at fyren, som jeg havde fundet online,

would be a match with me.

ville passe til mig.

I figured there would be a minimum of 700 points

Jeg tænkte, at det krævede mindst 700 point,

before I would agree to email somebody or respond to an email message.

før jeg ville gå med til at send emails til nogen

eller svare på en email.

For 900 points, I'd agree to go out on a date,

Ved 900 point ville jeg gå med på en date,

og jeg ville slet ikke så meget som overveje nogen form for forhold

and I wouldn't even consider any kind of relationship

before somebody had crossed the 1,500 point threshold.

før nogen havde krydset 1.500 point-tærsklen.

Well, as it turns out, this worked pretty well.

Det viste sig, at det fungerede ret godt.

So I go back online now.

Jeg gik igen online.

I found Jewishdoc57

Jeg fandt Jewishdoc57,

who's incredibly good-looking, incredibly well-spoken,

der så virkelig godt ud, utrolig veltalende,

he had hiked Mt. Fuji,

han havde besteget Fujiyama,

he had walked along the Great Wall.

han havde gået på Den kinesiske mur.

He likes to travel

Han kunne lide at rejse, bare det ikke var på et krydstogtskib.

as long as it doesn't involve a cruise ship.

Så jeg tænkte, jeg har gjort det!

And I thought,

I've done it!

I've cracked the code.

Jeg har brudt koden.

I have just found the Jewish Prince Charming

Jeg har lige fundet den jødiske ridder på den hvide hest,

of my family's dreams.

som min familie drømmer om.

There was only one problem:

Der var bare et problem:

Han kunne ikke lide mig.

He didn't like me back.

And I guess the one variable that I haven't considered

Det var nok den eneste variabel, jeg ikke havde overvejet

is the competition.

nemlig rivaliseringen.

Who are all of the other women on these dating sites?

Hvem er alle de andre kvinder

på disse datingsider?

I found SmileyGirl1978.

Jeg fandt SmileyGirl1978.

She said she was a "Fun girl who is Happy and Outgoing."

Hun skrev, hun var en "sjov pige, der er Glad og Udadvendt."

She listed her job as "teacher."

Hun skrev, at hun var lærer.

She said she is "silly, nice and friendly."

Hun skrev, at hun var "fjollet, sød og venlig."

She likes to make people laugh "alot."

Hun kunne godt lide at få folk til at grine "meget."

At this moment I knew,

På dette tidspunkt vidste jeg, efter at have klikket på profil

clicking profile after profile that looked like this,

efter profil efter profil, der så sådan her ud,

that I needed to do some market research.

at jeg skulle lave nogle markedsundersøgelser.

Så jeg skabte 10 falske mandlige profiler.

So I created 10 fake male profiles.

Now, before I lose all of you --

Nuvel, inden jeg mister jer alle sammen --

(Laughter) --

(Latter) --

må I forstå, at jeg gjorde det

understand that I did this strictly to gather data

udelukkende for at indsamle data

about everybody else in the system.

om alle andre i systemet.

I didn't carry on crazy Catfish-style relationships with anybody.

Jeg havde ikke nogen skøre Catfish-agtige forhold med nogen.

I really was just scraping their data.

Jeg indsamlede bare deres data.

But I didn't want everybody's data.

Men jeg ville ikke have alles data.

I only wanted data on the women who were going to be attracted

Jeg ville kun have data fra de kvinder,

der kunne blive tiltrukket

to the type of man that I really, really wanted to marry.

af den slags mand, jeg virkelig, virkelig gerne ville giftes med. (Latter)

When I released these men into the wild,

Når jeg slap disse mænd løs i naturen,

I did follow some rules.

fulgte jeg nogle strenge regler.

So I didn't reach out to any woman first.

Jeg kontaktede ikke selv kvinder.

I just waited to see who these profiles were going to attract,

Jeg ventede bare på at se, hvem disse profiler ville tiltrække,

and mainly what I was looking at was two different data sets.

og jeg ledte hovedsageligt efter to forskellige datasæt.

So I was looking at qualitative data,

Jeg ledte efter kvalitative data,

so what was the humor, the tone,

hvordan var humoren, tonen,

the voice, the communication style

stemmen, kommunikationsformen

that these women shared in common?

som disse kvinder havde til fælles.

And also quantitative data,

Og også kvantitative data,

so what was the average length of their profile,

hvad var den gennemsnitlige længde på deres profil,

how much time was spent between messages?

hvor meget tid gik der mellem beskederne?

Det jeg prøvede på at opnå her, var,

What I was trying to get at here was that I figured, in person,

at jeg som person

I would be just as competitive as a SmileyGirl1978.

ville være lige så konkurrerende

som SmileyGirl1978.

I wanted to figure out how to maximize my own profile online.

Jeg ville regne ud, hvordan jeg maksimerede

min egen profil online.

Well, one month later,

En måneds tid senere

I had a lot of data, and I was able to do another analysis.

havde jeg masser af data, og jeg var i stand til at lave endnu en analyse.

And as it turns out, content matters a lot.

Det viser sig, at indhold betyder meget.

So smart people tend to write a lot --

Kloge mennesker har en tendens til at skrive meget --

3.000, 4.000,

3,000, 4,000, 5,000 words about themselves,

5.000 ord om sig selv,

which may all be very, very interesting.

hvilket alt sammen muligvis er meget, meget interessant.

The challenge here, though, is that the popular men and women

Udfordringen her er dog,

at de populære mænd og kvinder

are sticking to 97 words on average

holder sig til 97 ord i gennemsnit

that are written very, very well,

der er rigtig, rigtig godt skrevet,

even though it may not seem like it all the time.

også selvom det ikke altid virker sådan.

The other hallmark of the people who do this well

Det andet kendetegn ved mennesker, der gør det godt,

is that they're using non-specific language.

er, at de bruger et uspecifikt sprog.

I mit eget tilfælde er

So in my case,

"The English Patient" is my most favorite movie ever,

"Den Engelske Patient" min absolutte yndlingsfilm,

but it doesn't work to use that in a profile,

men det fungerer ikke at bruge det i en profil,

because that's a superficial data point,

fordi det er et overfladisk datapunkt,

og nogen er måske uenige med mig

and somebody may disagree

and decide they don't want to go out

og beslutter, at de ikke vil på date med mig

fordi de ikke kan lide at se en tre timer lang film.

because they didn't like sitting through the three-hour movie.

Og optimistisk sprog betyder meget.

Also, optimistic language matters a lot.

Dette er en ordsky,

So this is a word cloud

highlighting the most popular words that were used

der fremhæver de vigtigste ord, der blev brugt

by the most popular women,

af de mest populære kvinder,

words like "fun" and "girl" and "love."

ord som "sjov" og "pige" og "kærlighed."

And what I realized was not that I had to dumb down my own profile.

Jeg blev klar over, at jeg ikke skulle

gøre min egen profil dummere.

Remember, I'm somebody who said

Husk på, at jeg selv skrev,

that I speak fluent Japanese and I know JavaScript

at jeg taler flydende japansk og kender JavaScript,

and I was okay with that.

og det havde jeg det fint med.

The difference is that it's about being more approachable

Forskellen er, at det handler om at være mere tilgængelig

and helping people understand the best way to reach out to you.

og hjælpe folk med at forstå,

hvordan de bedst kan nå ind til en.

And as it turns out, timing is also really, really important.

Det viser sig, at timing også er virkelig, virkelig vigtigt.

Blot fordi man har adgang

Just because you have access to somebody's mobile phone number

til nogens mobilnummer

or their instant message account

eller deres instant message-profil,

and it's 2 o'clock in the morning and you happen to be awake,

og klokken er to om natten, og man tilfældigvis er vågen,

så betyder det ikke, at det er et godt tidspunkt at kommunikere med de mennesker.

doesn't mean that that's a good time to communicate with those people.

De populære kvinder på disse onlinesider

The popular women on these online sites

spend an average of 23 hours in between each communication.

venter gennemsnitligt 23 timer

mellem hver kommunikation.

And that's what we would normally do in the usual process of courtship.

Det er det, vi normalvis ville gøre

i den almindelige kurtiseringsproces.

And finally --

Der var også billederne.

there were the photos.

Alle de populære kvinder

All of the women who were popular showed some skin.

viste hud.

They all looked really great,

De så alle sammen godt ud,

which turned out to be in sharp contrast

hvilket viste sig at være en skarp kontrast

to what I had uploaded.

til det, jeg selv havde uploadet.

(Laughter)

Once I had all of this information,

Da jeg havde alle disse oplysninger,

I was able to create a super profile,

var jeg i stand til at skabe en superprofil,

so it was still me,

som stadig var mig,

but it was me optimized now for this ecosystem.

men jeg var nu optimeret til dette økosystem.

And as it turns out, I did a really good job.

Det viser sig, at jeg gjorde et virkelig godt stykke arbejde.

I was the most popular person online.

Jeg var den mest populære person online.

(Laughter)

(Latter)

(Applause)

(Bifald)

And as it turns out, lots and lots of men wanted to date me.

Det viste sig, at rigtigt mange mænd ville på date med mig.

So I call my mom, I call my sister, I call my grandmother.

Så jeg ringer til min mor, jeg ringer til min søster, jeg ringer til min bedstemor.

Jeg fortæller dem disse fantastiske nyheder,

I'm telling them about this fabulous news,

og de siger, "Det er vidunderligt!

and they say, "This is wonderful! How soon are you going out?"

Hvornår går du på date med ham?"

I said, "Actually, I'm not going to go out with anybody."

Og jeg sagde, "Jamen, faktisk går jeg ikke på date med nogen."

Because remember, in my scoring system,

Husk på, at i mit scoringssystem

they have to reach a minimum threshold of 700 points,

skal de nå en minimumsgrænse på 700 point,

and none of them have done that.

og det gjorde ingen af dem.

They said, "What? You're still being too damn picky."

De sagde, "Hvad? Du er stadig at for kræsen."

Well, not too long after that, I found this guy, Thevenin,

Men ikke længe efter det

fandt jeg denne fyr, Thevenin,

and he said that he was culturally Jewish,

og han skrev at han kulturelt set var jødisk,

han skrev, at hans job var arktisk babysæljæger,

he said that his job was an arctic baby seal hunter,

hvilket jeg syntes var ret kvikt.

which I thought was very clever.

He talked in detail about travel.

Han skrev detaljeret om at rejse.

He made a lot of really interesting cultural references.

Han lavede mange interessante kulturelle referencer.

He looked and talked exactly like what I wanted,

Han lignede og skrev præcis som det, jeg ville have,

and immediately, he scored 850 points.

så han scorede øjeblikkeligt 850 point.

It was enough for a date.

Det var nok til en date.

Three weeks later, we met up in person

Tre uger senere mødtes vi ansigt til ansigt

for what turned out to be a 14-hour-long conversation

til det, der viste sig at blive en 14-timer lang samtale,

der gik fra en cafe til en restaurant

that went from coffee shop to restaurant

to another coffee shop to another restaurant,

til endnu en cafe til endnu en restaurant,

and when he dropped me back off at my house that night

og da han satte mig af ved mit hus den aften,

I re-scored him --

testede jeg ham igen --

[1.050 point!] --

[1,050 points!]

Thought, you know what,

jeg tænkte, ved I hvad,

this entire time, I haven't been picky enough.

i al den tid har jeg ikke været kræsen nok.

Well, a year and a half after that,

Halvandet år efter det

we were non-cruise ship traveling

var vi ude at rejse, ikke med krydstogtskib,

through Petra, Jordan,

gennem Petra i Jordan,

when he got down on his knee and proposed.

hvor han gik på knæ og friede.

A year after that, we were married,

Et år senere var vi gift,

and about a year and a half after that,

og omkring halvandet år efter det blev vores datter,

our daughter, Petra, was born.

Petra, født.

Audience: Oh!

(Bifald)

(Applause)

[What it means...]

Obviously, I'm having a fabulous life, so --

Jeg har tydeligvis et fantastisk liv, så --

(Laughter)

(Latter) --

The question is, what does all of this mean for you?

spørgsmålet er, hvad alt dette betyder for en?

Well, as it turns out, there is an algorithm for love.

Det viser sig, at der findes en algoritme for kærlighed.

It's just not the ones that we're being presented with online.

Det er ikke kun dem, vi bliver præsenteret for online.

In fact, it's something that you write yourself.

Faktisk er det noget, man selv skriver.

Så hvadenten man leder efter en mand eller en kone,

So whether you're looking for a husband or a wife

or you're trying to find your passion

om man prøver at finde sin passion

or you're trying to start a business,

eller prøver at starte et firma,

så skal man blot finde sin egen ramme

all you have to really do is figure out your own framework

and play by your own rules,

og spille efter egne regler,

and feel free to be as picky as you want.

føle sig fri til at være så kræsen, som man ønsker.

Well, on my wedding day,

På min bryllupsdag

I had a conversation again with my grandmother,

havde jeg igen en samtale med min farmor,

og hun sagde, "Godt, måske tog jeg fejl.

and she said, "All right, maybe I was wrong.

It looks like you did come up with a really, really great system.

Det ser ud til, at du fandt på et

virkelig, virkelig fantatisk system.

Now, your matzah balls ...

Men, dine matzoh-kugler.

De skal være luftige, ikke hårde."

They should be fluffy, not hard."

(Laughter)

Og dér følger jeg hendes råd.

And I'll take her advice on that.

(Applause)

(Bifald)