Aspen Baker: A better way to talk about abortion

Prevodilac: Ivana Krivokuća Lektor: Mile Živković

It was the middle of summer and well past closing time

Bila je sredina leta i prilično je prošlo vreme zatvaranja

in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I

u kafiću u centru Berklija gde smo moja prijateljica Poli i ja

worked together as bartenders.

zajedno radile kao konobarice.

Usually at the end of our shift we had a drink -- but not that night.

Obično bismo na kraju smene popile piće - ali ne i te noći.

"I'm pregnant.

"Trudna sam.

Not sure what I'm going to do yet," I told Polly.

Nisam još uvek sigurna šta ću da radim", rekla sam Poli.

Without hesitation, she replied, "I've had an abortion."

Bez oklevanja je odgovorila: "Ja sam uradila abortus".

Before Polly, no one had ever told me that she'd had an abortion.

Pre Poli, niko mi nikad nije rekao da je izvršio abortus.

I'd graduated from college just a few months earlier

Diplomirala sam na fakultetu samo nekoliko meseci ranije

and I was in a new relationship when I found out that I was pregnant.

i bila sam u novoj vezi kada sam saznala da sam trudna.

When I thought about my choices, I honestly did not know how to decide,

Kada sam razmišljala o svojim alternativama,

iskreno nisam znala kako da odlučim, koje kriterijume da koristim.

what criteria I should use.

How would I know what the right decision was?

Kako sam mogla da znam koja je odluka ispravna?

I worried that I would regret an abortion later.

Brinula sam da ću se kasnije kajati zbog abortusa.

Coming of age on the beaches of Southern California,

Odrastajući na plažama južne Kalifornije,

I grew up in the middle of our nation's abortion wars.

rasla sam usred ratova protiv abortusa u našoj zemlji.

I was born in a trailer on the third anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

Rođena sam u prikolici na treću godišnjicu parnice Rou protiv Vejda.

Our community was surfing Christians.

Našu zajednicu su činili hrišćani surferi.

We cared about God, the less fortunate, and the ocean.

Bilo nam je stalo do Boga, manje srećnih ljudi, i okeana.

Everyone was pro-life.

Svi su bili protiv abortusa.

As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so sad that I knew if I ever got pregnant

Kao dete, ideja o abortusu bi me toliko rastužila da sam znala

da to nikada moći da učinim ako ikada zatrudnim.

I could never have one.

And then I did.

A onda jesam to učinila.

It was a step towards the unknown.

Bio je to korak prema nepoznatom.

But Polly had given me a very special gift:

Ali Poli mi je darovala veoma poseban poklon:

the knowledge that I wasn't alone

saznanje da nisam sama

and the realization that abortion was something that we can talk about.

i shvatanje da je abortus nešto o čemu možemo da razgovaramo.

Abortion is common.

Abortus je učestao.

According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in three women in America

Prema Institutu Gutmaher, jedna od tri žene u Americi

will have an abortion in their lifetime.

će izvršiti abortus u svom životu.

But for the last few decades, the dialogue around abortion in the United States

Ali poslednjih nekoliko decenija, dijalog u vezi sa abortusom u SAD-u

has left little room for anything beyond pro-life and pro-choice.

nije ostavio mnogo mesta za bilo šta osim stavova "za život" i "za izbor".

It's political and polarizing.

Vezan je za politiku i polarizujući.

But as much as abortion is hotly debated, it's still rare for us,

Ali koliko god da se sa žarom raspravlja o abortusu, još uvek je retkost da mi,

whether as fellow women or even just as fellow people,

bilo kao žena sa ženom ili prosto kao čovek sa čovekom,

to talk with one another about the abortions that we have.

razgovaramo međusobno o abortusima koje vršimo.

There is a gap.

Postoji jaz.

Between what happens in politics and what happens in real life,

Između onoga što se dešava u politici i onoga što se događa u stvarnom životu,

and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.

a u tom jazu, poprište mentaliteta.

An "are you with us or against us?" stance takes root.

Stav "da li si sa nama ili protiv nas?" uzima maha.

This isn't just about abortion.

Ne radi se samo o abortusu.

There are so many important issues that we can't talk about.

Ima toliko važnih pitanja o kojima ne možemo da govorimo.

And so finding ways to shift the conflict to a place of conversation

I zato je pronalaženje načina da se sukob preokrene u razgovor

is the work of my life.

posao mog života.

There are two main ways to get started.

Postoje dva glavna načina da se započne.

One way is to listen closely.

Jedan način je pažljivo slušanje.

And the other way is to share stories.

A drugi način je razmena priča.

Pre 15 godina, bila sam jedan od osnivača

So, 15 years ago, I cofounded an organization called Exhale

organizacije pod imenom Izdahni

to start listening to people who have had abortions.

kako bih započela sa slušanjem ljudi koji su izvršili abortus.

The first thing we did was create a talk-line, where women and men

Prvo što smo uradili je postavljanje telefonske linije

koju bi žene i muškarci mogli da pozovu da bi dobili emotivnu podršku.

could call to get emotional support.

Free of judgment and politics, believe it or not, nothing like our sevice

Bez presude i politike, verovali ili ne, ništa slično našoj usluzi

had ever existed.

nikada nije postojalo.

We needed a new framework that could hold all the experiences that we were

Bio nam je potreban novi okvir koji bi mogao da obuhvati sva iskustva

hearing on our talk-line.

koja smo čuli preko naše telefonske linije.

The feminist who regrets her abortion.

Feministkinja koji se kaje zbog svog abortusa.

The Catholic who is grateful for hers.

Katolkinja koja je zahvalna zbog svog.

The personal experiences that weren't fitting neatly into one box or the other.

Lična iskustva koja se nisu adekvatno uklapala u određenu kategoriju.

We didn't think it was right to ask women to pick a side.

Smatrali smo da nije u redu tražiti od žena da odaberu stranu.

We wanted to show them that the whole world was on their side,

Želeli smo da im pokažemo da je ceo svet na njihovoj strani,

as they were going through this deeply personal experience.

dok su prolazile kroz ovo duboko lično iskustvo.

So we invented "pro-voice."

Zato smo osmislili "za glas".

Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard issues that we've struggled with globally

Osim abortusa, "za glas" radi na teškim pitanjima

sa kojima se godinama borimo na globalnom nivou,

for years,

issues like immigration, religious tolerance, violence against women.

problemima kao što su imigracija, verske tolerancije, nasilje nad ženama.

It also works on deeply personal topics that might only matter to you

Takođe radi na duboko ličnim temama koje su možda bitne samo vama

and your immediate family and friends.

i vašoj užoj porodici i prijateljima.

They have a terminal illness, their mother just died,

Imaju terminalnu bolest, majka im je upravo umrla,

they have a child with special needs and they can't talk about it.

imaju dete sa posebnim potrebama i ne mogu da govore o tome.

Listening and storytelling are the hallmarks of pro-voice practice.

Slušanje i pripovedanje su odlike prakse "za glas".

Listening and storytelling.

Slušanje i pripovedanje.

That sounds pretty nice.

To zvuči lepo.

Sounds maybe, easy? We could all do that.

Zvuči možda lako? Svi to možemo.

It's not easy. It's very hard.

Nije lako. Veoma je teško.

Pro-voice is hard because we are talking about things everyone's fighting about

Teško je raditi "za glas" jer govorimo o stvarima oko kojih se svi svađaju

or the things that no one wants to talk about.

ili o stvarima o kojima niko ne želi da priča.

I wish I could tell you that when you decide to be pro-voice, that you'll find

Volela bih da mogu vam kažem da kada odlučite da budete za glas,

da ćete naći lepe trenutke uzdizanja i bašte pune cveća,

beautiful moments of breakthrough and gardens full of flowers,

where listening and storytelling creates wonderful "a-ha" moments.

gde slušanje i pripovedanje stvara divne "aha" trenutke.

I wish I could tell you that there would be a feminist welcoming party for you,

Volela bih da mogu da vam kažem da će tu biti

feministička žurka dobrodošlice za vas, ili da je to davno izgubljeno sestrinstvo

or that there's a long-lost sisterhood of people who are just ready

ljudi koji su spremni da vas podrže kada pretrpite poraz.

to have your back when you get slammed.

But it can be vulnerable and exhausting to tell our own stories

Ali može vas povrediti i biti iscrpljujuće da pričate svoje priče

when it feels like nobody cares.

kada se čini da nikoga nije briga.

And if we truly listen to one another,

A ako zaista slušamo jedni druge,

we will hear things that demand that we shift our own perceptions.

čućemo stvari koje zahtevaju da preusmerimo svoju percepciju.

There is no perfect time and there is no perfect place

Ne postoji savršeno vreme i ne postoji savršeno mesto

to start a difficult conversation.

za započinjanje teškog razgovora.

There's never a time when everyone will be on the same page, share the same lens,

Nikad neće doći trenutak kada će svi biti na istoj strani,

deliti istu perspektivu ili znati istu istoriju.

or know the same history.

So, let's talk about listening and how to be a good listener.

Dakle, hajde da pričamo o slušanju i kako biti dobar slušalac.

There's lots of ways to be a good listener and I'm going to give you just a couple.

Postoji mnogo načina da se bude dobar slušalac a ja ću vam dati samo par.

One is to ask open-ended questions.

Jedan je da postavljate pitanja otvorenog tipa.

You can ask yourself or someone that you know,

Možete pitati sebe ili nekoga koga poznajete:

"How are you feeling?"

"Kako se osećaš?"

"What was that like?"

"Kako je to izgledalo?"

"What do you hope for, now?"

"Čemu se sada nadaš?"

Another way to be a good listener is to use reflective language.

Drugi način da se bude dobar slušalac je korišćenje reflektivnog jezika.

If someone is talking about their own personal experience,

Ako neko govori o svom ličnom iskustvu,

use the words that they use.

koristite reči koje on koristi.

If someone is talking about an abortion and they say the word "baby,"

Ako neko govori o iskustvu abortusa i koristi reč "beba",

you can say "baby."

i vi možete reći "beba".

If they say "fetus," you can say "fetus."

Ako kaže "fetus", možete reći "fetus".

If someone describes themselves as gender queer to you,

Ako vam se neko opiše kao interrodna osoba,

you can say "gender queer."

i vi možete reći "interrodna".

If someone kind of looks like a he, but they say they're a she -- it's cool.

Ako neko izgleda kao on, ali kaže da je ona - to je u redu.

Call that person a she.

Obraćajte se toj osobi u ženskom rodu.

When we reflect the language of the person who is sharing their own story,

Kada reflektujemo jezik osobe koja deli svoju priču,

we are conveying that we are interested in understanding who they are

saopštavamo da nas zanima da razumemo

ko je ona i kroz šta prolazi.

and what they're going through.

The same way that we hope people are interested in knowing us.

Isto kao što se nadamo da su ljudi zainteresovani za nas upoznaju.

So, I'll never forget being in one of the Exhale counselor meetings,

Nikada neću zaboraviti kada sam bila na jednom od sastanaka

organizacije Izdahni, slušajući volonterku kako govori

listening to a volunteer talk about how she was getting a lot of calls

o tome da dobija mnogo poziva od hrišćanki koje pričaju o Bogu.

from Christian women who were talking about God.

Now, some of our volunteers are religious, but this particular one was not.

Neki od naših volontera su religiozni, ali ova nije bila.

U početku je bilo pomalo čudno za nju da priča o Bogu sa sagovornicima.

At first, it felt a little weird for her to talk to callers about God.

So, she decided to get comfortable.

Stoga je odlučila da joj to postane prijatnije.

And she stood in front of her mirror at home, and she said the word "God."

Stajala je ispred svog ogledala kod kuće i izgovorila reč "Bog".

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

Over and over and over again until the word no longer felt strange

Iznova i iznova i iznova sve dok reč više nije delovala čudno

coming out her mouth.

dok izlazi iz njenih usta.

Saying the word God did not turn this volunteer into a Christian,

Izgovaranje reči "Bog" nije preobratilo ovu volonterku u hrišćanstvo,

but it did make her a much better listener of Christian women.

ali jeste je učinilo mnogo boljim slušaocem hrišćanki.

So, another way to be pro-voice is to share stories,

Dakle, drugi način da se bude za glas je razmena priča,

and one risk that you take on, when you share your story with someone else,

a rizik koji preuzimate na sebe kada delite svoju priču sa nekim drugim ,

is that given the same set of circumstances as you

je da će, imajući u vidu isti skup okolnosti kao i vi,

they might actually make a different decision.

možda zapravo doneti drugačiju odluku.

For example, if you're telling a story about your abortion,

Na primer, ako pričate priču o svom abortusu,

realize that she might have had the baby.

shvatite da je ona možda dobila bebu.

She might have placed for adoption.

Možda ju je dala na usvajanje.

She might have told her parents and her partner -- or not.

Možda je rekla svojim roditeljima i partneru - ili ne.

She might have felt relief and confidence, even though you felt sad and lost.

Možda je osetila olakšanje i pouzdanost, iako ste se vi osećali tužno i izgubljeno.

This is okay.

To je u redu.

Empathy gets created the moment we imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.

Empatija nastaje onoga trenutka kada zamislimo sebe u tuđoj koži.

It doesn't mean we all have to end up in the same place.

To ne znači da se svi moramo na kraju naći na istom mestu.

It's not agreement, it's not sameness that pro-voice is after.

Slaganje i istovetnost nije ono čemu teži "za glas".

It creates a culture and a society that values what make us special and unique.

On stvara kulturu i društvo koji vrednuju ono što nas čini posebnim i jedinstvenim.

It values what makes us human, our flaws and our imperfections.

Vrednuje ono što nas čini ljudima, naše mane i nesavršenosti.

And this way of thinking allows us to see our differences with respect,

A ovaj način razmišljanja nam omogućava da sagledamo naše razlike sa poštovanjem,

instead of fear.

umesto u strahu.

And it generates the empathy that we need

I stvara empatiju koja nam je potrebna da prevaziđemo

to overcome all the ways that we try to hurt one another.

sve načine na koje pokušavamo da povredimo jedni druge.

Stigma, shame, prejudice, discrimination, oppression.

Stigma, sramota, predrasude, diskriminacija, ugnjetavanje.

Pro-voice is contagious, and the more it's practiced

"Za glas" je zarazna pojava, a što se više praktikuje,

the more it spreads.

više se širi.

So, last year I was pregnant again.

Prošle godine sam opet bila trudna.

This time I was looking forward to the birth of my son.

Ovog puta sam se radovala rođenju svog sina.

And while pregnant, I had never been asked how I was feeling so much in all my life.

I dok sam bila trudna, nikada me u životu nisu toliko pitali kako sam.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And however I replied, whether I was feeling wonderful and excited

I kako god da bih odgovorila, bilo da se osećam divno i uzbuđeno

or scared and totally freaked out,

ili uplašeno i potpuno izbezumljeno,

there was always someone there giving me a "been there" response.

uvek je tu bio neko da mi da odgovor "znam kako je".

It was awesome.

Bilo je sjajno.

It was a welcome, yet dramatic departure from what I experience

Bilo je to prijatno, mada dramatično odstupanje

od onoga što doživljavam kada govorim o svojim pomešanim osećanjima

when I talk about my mixed feelings of my abortion.

u vezi sa mojim abortusom.

Pro-voice is about the real stories of real people

"Za glas" se odnosi na stvarne priče stvarnih ljudi

making an impact on the way abortion

koje ostvaruju uticaj na koji se abortus

and so many other politicized and stigmatized issues

i toliko mnogo drugih politizovanih i stigmatizovanih pitanja

are understood and discussed.

razumeju i razmatraju.

From sexuality and mental health to poverty and incarceration.

Od seksualnosti i mentalnog zdravlja do siromaštva i zatvorske kazne.

Far beyond definition as single right or wrong decisions,

Daleko izvan okvira definicije jedinstvenih dobrih ili loših odluka,

our experiences can exist on a spectrum.

naša iskustva mogu postojati na spektru.

Pro-voice focuses that conversation on human experience

Za glas usmerava taj razgovor o ljudskom iskustvu

and it makes support and respect possible for all.

i svima omogućava podršku i poštovanje.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)