Aspen Baker: A better way to talk about abortion

Prevoditelj: Anja Kolobarić Recezent: Ivan Stamenković

It was the middle of summer and well past closing time

Bila je sredina ljeta i radno vrijeme debelo je završilo

in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I

u centru Berkeleya u kafiću u kojem smo Polly i ja

worked together as bartenders.

radile kao konobarice.

Usually at the end of our shift we had a drink -- but not that night.

Inače bismo na kraju smjene popile nešto, ali ne i te večeri.

"I'm pregnant.

"Trudna sam.

Not sure what I'm going to do yet," I told Polly.

Još uvijek ne znam što ću", rekoh Polly.

Without hesitation, she replied, "I've had an abortion."

Bez imalo oklijevanja, odgovorila mi je: "Ja sam pobacila."

Before Polly, no one had ever told me that she'd had an abortion.

Nitko mi prije Polly nije priznao da je pobacio.

I'd graduated from college just a few months earlier

Završila sam fakultet tek nekoliko mjeseci prije

and I was in a new relationship when I found out that I was pregnant.

i bila sam u novoj vezi kad sam saznala da sam trudna.

When I thought about my choices, I honestly did not know how to decide,

Razmišljajući o svojim opcijama, iskreno nisam znala kako odlučiti,

what criteria I should use.

koji kriterij primijeniti.

How would I know what the right decision was?

Kako znati što je prava odluka?

I worried that I would regret an abortion later.

Bojala sam se da bih kasnije mogla požaliti zbog pobačaja.

Coming of age on the beaches of Southern California,

Odrastala sam na obalama Južne Kalifornije,

I grew up in the middle of our nation's abortion wars.

usred državnih ratova protiv pobačaja.

I was born in a trailer on the third anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

Rođena sam u prikolici na treću godišnjicu borbe Roea i Wadea.

Our community was surfing Christians.

Naša je zajednica bila surferski kršćanska.

We cared about God, the less fortunate, and the ocean.

Držali smo do Boga, siromaha i oceana.

Everyone was pro-life.

Svi su bili zagovornici života.

As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so sad that I knew if I ever got pregnant

Kao dijete sama pomisao na pobačaj toliko me rastuživala da sam znala da ga

I could never have one.

nikad ne bih mogla napraviti.

And then I did.

Ali jesam.

It was a step towards the unknown.

Bio je to korak u nepoznato,

But Polly had given me a very special gift:

ali Polly mi je poklonila poseban dar:

the knowledge that I wasn't alone

saznanje da nisam sama

and the realization that abortion was something that we can talk about.

i spoznaju da je pobačaj nešto o čemu se može razgovarati.

Abortion is common.

Pobačaj je uobičajen.

According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in three women in America

Prema Guttmacherovu institutu, svaka treća Amerikanka

will have an abortion in their lifetime.

pobacit će tijekom životnog vijeka,

But for the last few decades, the dialogue around abortion in the United States

no zadnjih nekoliko desetljeća, dijalog oko pobačaja u SAD-u

has left little room for anything beyond pro-life and pro-choice.

svodi se isključivo na zagovornike života i zagovornike prava na izbor,

It's political and polarizing.

što je politički i polarizirajuće.

But as much as abortion is hotly debated, it's still rare for us,

Koliko god da je to vruća tema rasprava, za nas je još uvijek rijetkost,

whether as fellow women or even just as fellow people,

bilo kao žene ili ljudi općenito,

to talk with one another about the abortions that we have.

razgovarati jedni s drugima o pobačajima koje smo počinili.

There is a gap.

Postoji nesrazmjer

Between what happens in politics and what happens in real life,

između toga što se događa u politici i onoga što se događa u stvarnom životu.

and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.

a u sivoj je zoni mentalitet bojnog polja.

An "are you with us or against us?" stance takes root.

Ukorijenio se stav "jesi li s nama ili protiv nas?"

This isn't just about abortion.

koji se ne odnosi samo na pobačaj.

There are so many important issues that we can't talk about.

O mnogim važnim stvarima ne možemo razgovarati,

And so finding ways to shift the conflict to a place of conversation

a traženje načina da se konflikt pretvori u razgovor

is the work of my life.

moj je životni cilj.

There are two main ways to get started.

To možemo započeti na dva osnovna načina.

One way is to listen closely.

Prvi od njih je pažljivo slušanje,

And the other way is to share stories.

a drugi razmjena priča.

So, 15 years ago, I cofounded an organization called Exhale

Prije 15 godina bila sam suutemeljiteljica organizacije pod imenom Exhale

to start listening to people who have had abortions.

kako bih počela slušati ljude koji su počinili pobačaje.

The first thing we did was create a talk-line, where women and men

Najprije smo osnovali telefonske linije na koje su žene i muškarci

could call to get emotional support.

mogli nazvati radi emocionalne podrške.

Free of judgment and politics, believe it or not, nothing like our sevice

Lišena osuđivanja i politike, vjerovali ili ne, ništa poput ovakve usluge

had ever existed.

nikad prije nije postojalo.

We needed a new framework that could hold all the experiences that we were

Trebao nam je novi okvir rada koji bi obuhvaćao sva iskustva

hearing on our talk-line.

o kojima smo slušali na našim linijama.

The feminist who regrets her abortion.

Feministkinja koja žali zbog pobačaja.

The Catholic who is grateful for hers.

Katolkinja koja je zahvalna zbog svoga.

The personal experiences that weren't fitting neatly into one box or the other.

Osobna iskustva koja se nisu uklapala u već poznate kalupe.

We didn't think it was right to ask women to pick a side.

Smatrali smo da nije u redu da od žena tražimo da biraju stranu.

We wanted to show them that the whole world was on their side,

Htjeli smo im pokazati da je cijeli svijet na njihovoj strani

as they were going through this deeply personal experience.

dok prolaze kroz ovo iznimno osobno iskustvo,

So we invented "pro-voice."

stoga smo osmislili "pravo glasa".

Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard issues that we've struggled with globally

Pravo glasa osim pobačaja bavi se i problemima s kojima se globalno borimo

for years,

već godinama,

issues like immigration, religious tolerance, violence against women.

problemi poput imigracije, religijske tolerancije, nasilja nad ženama.

It also works on deeply personal topics that might only matter to you

Također se bavi iznimno osobnim pitanjima koja su možda bitna jedino vama

and your immediate family and friends.

i vašoj bližoj obitelji i prijateljima.

They have a terminal illness, their mother just died,

Boluju od smrtne bolesti, majka im je tek umrla,

they have a child with special needs and they can't talk about it.

imaju dijete s posebnim potrebama i ne mogu razgovarati o tome.

Listening and storytelling are the hallmarks of pro-voice practice.

Slušanje i pričanje priča osnovne su značajke prakse prava glasa.

Listening and storytelling.

Slušanje i pričanje priča.

That sounds pretty nice.

Zvuči prilično lijepo.

Sounds maybe, easy? We could all do that.

Možda čak i lako? Svi bismo to mogli raditi.

It's not easy. It's very hard.

Nije lako. Iznimno je teško.

Pro-voice is hard because we are talking about things everyone's fighting about

Pravo glasa je teško jer govorimo o stvarima o kojima se svi svađaju

or the things that no one wants to talk about.

ili o onima o kojima nitko ne želi razgovarati.

I wish I could tell you that when you decide to be pro-voice, that you'll find

Voljela bih vam reći da kad odlučite biti zagovaratelji prava glasa, da ćete otkriti

beautiful moments of breakthrough and gardens full of flowers,

prekrasne trenutke napretka i vrtove prepune cvijeća

where listening and storytelling creates wonderful "a-ha" moments.

u kojemu slušanje i pričanje priča stvara predivne aha-doživljaje.

I wish I could tell you that there would be a feminist welcoming party for you,

Voljela bih vam reći da će vas dočekati feministička zabava u vašu čast

or that there's a long-lost sisterhood of people who are just ready

ili da postoji davno izgubljeno sestrinstvo ljudi koji su spremni

to have your back when you get slammed.

prihvatiti vas natrag nakon što doživite krah,

But it can be vulnerable and exhausting to tell our own stories

ali pričanje vlastitih priča može vas učiniti ranjivima i iscrpljenima

when it feels like nobody cares.

kada se osjećate kao da nikoga nije briga.

And if we truly listen to one another,

Ako uistinu poslušamo jedni druge,

we will hear things that demand that we shift our own perceptions.

čut ćemo stvari koje nalažu da promijenimo vlastite percepcije.

There is no perfect time and there is no perfect place

Ne postoji savršeno mjesto ili vrijeme

to start a difficult conversation.

za početak teškog razgovora.

There's never a time when everyone will be on the same page, share the same lens,

Nema vremena u kojem će svi biti na istoj valnoj dužini, vidjeti stvari istim očima

or know the same history.

ili znati istu povijest,

So, let's talk about listening and how to be a good listener.

stoga pričajmo o slušanju i o tome kako biti dobar slušač.

There's lots of ways to be a good listener and I'm going to give you just a couple.

Postoji mnogo načina za to, ali ja ću vam dati samo nekoliko.

One is to ask open-ended questions.

Jedan od načina je da postavljate otvorena pitanja.

You can ask yourself or someone that you know,

Možete pitati sebe ili nekoga koga znate:

"How are you feeling?"

"Kako se osjećaš?"

"What was that like?"

"Kako je to bilo?"

"What do you hope for, now?"

"Čemu se sada nadaš?"

Another way to be a good listener is to use reflective language.

Drugi od načina jest korištenje reflektivnog jezika.

If someone is talking about their own personal experience,

Ako netko priča o vlastitom iskustvu,

use the words that they use.

koristite riječi koje i oni koriste.

If someone is talking about an abortion and they say the word "baby,"

Ako netko govori o pobačaju i kaže riječ "beba",

you can say "baby."

i vi možete reći "beba".

If they say "fetus," you can say "fetus."

Ako kažu "fetus", i vi možete reći "fetus".

If someone describes themselves as gender queer to you,

Ako vam netko za sebe kaže da je androgen,

you can say "gender queer."

i vi možete reći "androgen".

If someone kind of looks like a he, but they say they're a she -- it's cool.

Ako netko nalikuje muškarcu, ali za sebe govori da je žena, u redu je.

Call that person a she.

Tu osobu zovite ženom.

When we reflect the language of the person who is sharing their own story,

Kada reflektiramo jezik osobe koja s nama dijeli svoju priču,

we are conveying that we are interested in understanding who they are

pokazujemo da želimo razumjeti tko su oni

and what they're going through.

i kroz što prolaze,

The same way that we hope people are interested in knowing us.

kao što se i mi sami nadamo da nas drugi ljudi žele upoznati.

So, I'll never forget being in one of the Exhale counselor meetings,

Nikad neću zaboraviti jedan od Exhaleovih sastanaka savjetovanja.

listening to a volunteer talk about how she was getting a lot of calls

na kojemu sam slušala volonterku koja je pričala kako dobiva puno poziva

from Christian women who were talking about God.

kršćanki koje govore o Bogu.

Now, some of our volunteers are religious, but this particular one was not.

Neki su naši volonteri religiozni, no ova volonterka nije bila jedna od njih.

At first, it felt a little weird for her to talk to callers about God.

Ispočetka joj je bilo neobično s pozivateljima razgovarati o Bogu,

So, she decided to get comfortable.

pa se odlučila malo udomaćiti.

And she stood in front of her mirror at home, and she said the word "God."

Kod kuće je stajala ispred ogledala i ponavljala riječ "Bog".

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

"God."

"Bog."

Over and over and over again until the word no longer felt strange

Iznova i iznova sve dok joj više nije bilo čudno

coming out her mouth.

izgovarati tu riječ.

Saying the word God did not turn this volunteer into a Christian,

Ponavljanje riječi "Bog" nije ovu volonterku pretvorilo u kršćanku,

but it did make her a much better listener of Christian women.

ali pretvorilo ju je u puno bolju slušačicu kršćanki.

So, another way to be pro-voice is to share stories,

Drugi način da budete zagovornici prava glasa jest pričanje priča,

and one risk that you take on, when you share your story with someone else,

a jedan od rizika koji idu s dijeljenjem vlastite priče s nekim drugim

is that given the same set of circumstances as you

jest taj da se slušač zatekao u istoj situaciji kao i vi,

they might actually make a different decision.

možda bi donio drugačiju odluku.

For example, if you're telling a story about your abortion,

Npr. ako govorite o vlastitom pobačaju,,

realize that she might have had the baby.

znajte da bi slušačica možda rodila to dijete.

She might have placed for adoption.

Možda bi ga dala na posvajanje.

She might have told her parents and her partner -- or not.

Možda bi rekla svojim roditeljima i partneru, ali možda i ne bi.

She might have felt relief and confidence, even though you felt sad and lost.

Možda bi osjetila olakšanje i smjelost iako ste vi osjetili tugu i izgubljenost.

This is okay.

To je u redu.

Empathy gets created the moment we imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.

Empatija se stvara onog trenutka kad sebe zamislimo u tuđoj koži,

It doesn't mean we all have to end up in the same place.

što ne znači da svi moramo doći do istog zaključka.

It's not agreement, it's not sameness that pro-voice is after.

Zagovaranje prava glasa ne teži slaganju niti jednakosti,

It creates a culture and a society that values what make us special and unique.

već stvara kulturu i društvo koje cijeni ono što nas čini posebnima, jedinstvenima.

It values what makes us human, our flaws and our imperfections.

Cijeni ono što nas čini ljudima, naše mane i nesavršenosti,

And this way of thinking allows us to see our differences with respect,

a ovakav način razmišljanja pomaže nam da različitosti promatramo s poštovanjem

instead of fear.

umjesto sa strahom

And it generates the empathy that we need

te stvara empatiju koja nam je potrebna

to overcome all the ways that we try to hurt one another.

da prevladamo sve načine kojima pokušavamo nauditi jedni drugima.

Stigma, shame, prejudice, discrimination, oppression.

Stigmatizacija, sram, predrasude, diskriminacija, potlačenost.

Pro-voice is contagious, and the more it's practiced

Zagovaranje prava glasa zarazno je i što ga više prakticiramo,

the more it spreads.

to se više širi.

So, last year I was pregnant again.

Prošle sam godine ponovno zatrudnjela

This time I was looking forward to the birth of my son.

i ovog sam se puta veselila rođenju sina.

And while pregnant, I had never been asked how I was feeling so much in all my life.

Dok sam bila trudna, pitali su me kako sam kao nikad u životu.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And however I replied, whether I was feeling wonderful and excited

Kako god da sam odgovorila, bilo da sam se osjećala divno i uzbuđeno

or scared and totally freaked out,

ili uplašeno i izbezumljeno,

there was always someone there giving me a "been there" response.

uvijek bi mi netko rekao da zna kako mi je.

It was awesome.

Bilo je sjajno.

It was a welcome, yet dramatic departure from what I experience

Bilo je to poželjno, no dramatično odstupanje od onoga što osjetim

when I talk about my mixed feelings of my abortion.

kad govorim o svojim podvojenim osjećajima o vlastitom pobačaju.

Pro-voice is about the real stories of real people

Zagovaranje prava glasa teži tome da stvarne priče stvarnih ljudi

making an impact on the way abortion

utječu na način na koji se pobačaj

and so many other politicized and stigmatized issues

i mnoga druga politizirana i stigmatizirana pitanja

are understood and discussed.

shvaćaju i način na koji se o njima govori.

From sexuality and mental health to poverty and incarceration.

Od seksualnosti i mentalnog zdravlja do siromaštva i zatvora.

Far beyond definition as single right or wrong decisions,

Daleko od ili ispravnih ili neispravnih odluka na spektru

our experiences can exist on a spectrum.

mogu postojati naša iskustva.

Pro-voice focuses that conversation on human experience

Zagovaranje prava glasa taj razgovor usmjerava prema ljudskom iskustvu

and it makes support and respect possible for all.

i svima omogućava podršku i poštovanje.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)