Aspen Baker: A better way to talk about abortion

譯者: Regina Chu 審譯者: Marssi Draw

It was the middle of summer and well past closing time

那是仲夏的某日， 早過了打烊的時間，

in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I

在柏克萊鬧區一間小酒吧裡， 我和我的朋友波莉

worked together as bartenders.

在裡面當酒保。

Usually at the end of our shift we had a drink -- but not that night.

通常我們會在下班後小酌一番， 但那晚沒有。

"I'm pregnant.

「我懷孕了。 我還不知道該怎麼辦。」

Not sure what I'm going to do yet," I told Polly.

我這樣告訴波莉。

Without hesitation, she replied, "I've had an abortion."

沒有一絲猶豫，她回答， 「我以前墮過胎。」

Before Polly, no one had ever told me that she'd had an abortion.

波莉是第一個告訴我 曾有過墮胎經驗的人。

I'd graduated from college just a few months earlier

我在那之前幾個月才從大學畢業，

and I was in a new relationship when I found out that I was pregnant.

剛交了個新男朋友， 卻發現我懷孕了。

When I thought about my choices, I honestly did not know how to decide,

我考慮著各式選項， 真的不知道該如何抉擇，

what criteria I should use.

該用什麼標準。

How would I know what the right decision was?

我怎麼知道哪個才是正確的決定？

I worried that I would regret an abortion later.

我擔心我會後悔墮胎。

Coming of age on the beaches of Southern California,

成年前在南加海灘悠遊的我，

I grew up in the middle of our nation's abortion wars.

在這個國家的墮胎權之爭中長大。

I was born in a trailer on the third anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

「羅訴韋德案」判決後三週年， 我在一輛小拖車中出生。

Our community was surfing Christians.

我們的社區是愛衝浪的基督徒。

We cared about God, the less fortunate, and the ocean.

我們的心中掛念著神、 困乏的人，和海洋。

Everyone was pro-life.

每個人都反對墮胎。

As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so sad that I knew if I ever got pregnant

孩童時，墮胎這個概念 讓我非常難過，

我知道如果我懷孕了， 我一定不要墮胎。

I could never have one.

And then I did.

結果我做了。

It was a step towards the unknown.

路途茫茫的一步。

But Polly had given me a very special gift:

但是波莉給了我 一項非常特別的禮物：

the knowledge that I wasn't alone

我知道我不是獨自受苦，

and the realization that abortion was something that we can talk about.

我也領悟到原來墮胎 是可以拿出來談的。

Abortion is common.

墮胎很普遍。

According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in three women in America

據古馬社機構所說， 每三位美國婦女

will have an abortion in their lifetime.

就有一位會在一生中墮胎。

But for the last few decades, the dialogue around abortion in the United States

但是在美國， 過去幾十年對墮胎的對話

has left little room for anything beyond pro-life and pro-choice.

侷限在生命權對選擇權的討論。

It's political and polarizing.

很政治化及兩極化。

But as much as abortion is hotly debated, it's still rare for us,

即使墮胎的爭論如火如荼， 對我們而言，

whether as fellow women or even just as fellow people,

不管是同為女性， 或僅是同為人，

to talk with one another about the abortions that we have.

我們仍然很難討論 彼此墮胎的經驗。

There is a gap.

有一道鴻溝，

Between what happens in politics and what happens in real life,

介在政治議題與現實生活間。

and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.

而在那道鴻溝中， 存著殺戮戰場的心態。

An "are you with us or against us?" stance takes root.

「非友即敵」的立場根深蒂固。

This isn't just about abortion.

這不僅限於墮胎議題。

There are so many important issues that we can't talk about.

還有很多重要的問題 我們都不能說。

And so finding ways to shift the conflict to a place of conversation

所以想辦法將衝突改變為對話，

is the work of my life.

是我畢生的工作。

There are two main ways to get started.

有兩個重要的方法可以著手。

One way is to listen closely.

一個是仔細聆聽，

And the other way is to share stories.

另一個就是分享故事。

So, 15 years ago, I cofounded an organization called Exhale

15 年前，我與人共創一家 名叫「舒氣」的組織，

to start listening to people who have had abortions.

開始傾聽人們墮胎的心聲。

The first thing we did was create a talk-line, where women and men

首先我們成立一條輔導專線，

不分男女都能打電話進來， 在情緒上得到支持。

could call to get emotional support.

Free of judgment and politics, believe it or not, nothing like our sevice

這裡沒有論斷，也不談政治。 信不信，像我們這樣的服務

had ever existed.

從不曾出現過。

We needed a new framework that could hold all the experiences that we were

我們需要新的架構能包容

我們在專線上聽到的所有經歷。

hearing on our talk-line.

The feminist who regrets her abortion.

女性主義者後悔墮了胎；

The Catholic who is grateful for hers.

天主教徒慶幸墮了胎。

The personal experiences that weren't fitting neatly into one box or the other.

個人的經歷無法套進現有的框框。

We didn't think it was right to ask women to pick a side.

我們無法認同要求婦女選邊站。

We wanted to show them that the whole world was on their side,

我們想讓她們知道

在她們度過這段深切的個人經歷時， 整個世界都站在她們那邊。

as they were going through this deeply personal experience.

So we invented "pro-voice."

所以我們創立了「優聲權」。

Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard issues that we've struggled with globally

除了墮胎，優聲權還處理

全球歷時多年的棘手問題，

for years,

issues like immigration, religious tolerance, violence against women.

像是移民、宗教寬容、 對婦女施暴等問題。

It also works on deeply personal topics that might only matter to you

它也處理切身的個人問題， 只有你自己、

and your immediate family and friends.

你的直系親屬及摯友才會關心。

They have a terminal illness, their mother just died,

有人得了絕症， 有人的母親剛去世，

they have a child with special needs and they can't talk about it.

有人的孩子需要特殊教育 卻無法拿出來談。

Listening and storytelling are the hallmarks of pro-voice practice.

聽故事與講故事 是優聲權的兩大特點。

Listening and storytelling.

聽故事與講故事，

That sounds pretty nice.

聽起來很美好。

Sounds maybe, easy? We could all do that.

聽起來好像很容易？ 我們都會做。

It's not easy. It's very hard.

這並不容易，而且非常難。

Pro-voice is hard because we are talking about things everyone's fighting about

優聲權很難，因為我們在談的， 是每個人都在爭論

or the things that no one wants to talk about.

或沒有人想提出來談的事。

I wish I could tell you that when you decide to be pro-voice, that you'll find

我真希望我能告訴你， 當你決定要「優聲」，

你會發現突破的美麗瞬間， 園子開滿了鮮花，

beautiful moments of breakthrough and gardens full of flowers,

where listening and storytelling creates wonderful "a-ha" moments.

在那裡，講故事與說故事 能產生美妙的頓悟時刻。

I wish I could tell you that there would be a feminist welcoming party for you,

我真希望我能告訴你 會有一個女權歡迎會在等著你，

or that there's a long-lost sisterhood of people who are just ready

或是你久違的姊妹淘

to have your back when you get slammed.

在你被徹底擊敗時 張手等你回來。

But it can be vulnerable and exhausting to tell our own stories

但是訴說自己的故事 卻讓你身心俱疲，

when it feels like nobody cares.

尤其在你覺得沒人在乎的時候。

And if we truly listen to one another,

如果我們真的傾聽彼此，

we will hear things that demand that we shift our own perceptions.

我們會聽到 需要我們設身處地的故事。

There is no perfect time and there is no perfect place

永遠沒有 完美的時刻與完美的地點

to start a difficult conversation.

來展開艱難的對話。

There's never a time when everyone will be on the same page, share the same lens,

永遠不會有什麼時刻， 大家想法一致、看法一致，

or know the same history.

或經歷相同的過去。

So, let's talk about listening and how to be a good listener.

所以，就來談談傾聽的技巧， 怎樣變成好的聆聽者。

There's lots of ways to be a good listener and I'm going to give you just a couple.

有很多方法能成為好的聆聽者， 我在這裡跟大家說幾個。

One is to ask open-ended questions.

其中一個就是要問開放式問題。

You can ask yourself or someone that you know,

你能問自己或你認識的人：

"How are you feeling?"

「你覺得如何？」

"What was that like?"

「那像什麼？」

"What do you hope for, now?"

「你現在希望怎麼辦？」

Another way to be a good listener is to use reflective language.

另一個成為好的聆聽者的方法 是用反映語法。

If someone is talking about their own personal experience,

如果有人在談他們的個人經驗，

use the words that they use.

你要用他們用的字。

If someone is talking about an abortion and they say the word "baby,"

如果有人在談墮胎時 用了「寶貝」這個字，

you can say "baby."

你也可以用「寶貝」。

If they say "fetus," you can say "fetus."

如果他們說「胎兒」， 你也可以說「胎兒」。

If someone describes themselves as gender queer to you,

如果他們對你描述自己 是性別酷兒，

you can say "gender queer."

你也可以說性別酷兒。

If someone kind of looks like a he, but they say they're a she -- it's cool.

如果某人看起來像是男的， 可是他說他自己是女的，

那也沒關係，就稱他是女性。

Call that person a she.

When we reflect the language of the person who is sharing their own story,

當我們反映分享者的語言時，

we are conveying that we are interested in understanding who they are

我們就傳達出 我們想瞭解他們是誰，

and what they're going through.

及他們經歷的一切。

The same way that we hope people are interested in knowing us.

就跟我們希望別人 也會想瞭解我們一樣。

So, I'll never forget being in one of the Exhale counselor meetings,

所以，我永遠都忘不了 在某次舒氣輔導員會議上，

listening to a volunteer talk about how she was getting a lot of calls

聽一位志工說她如何面對

from Christian women who were talking about God.

許多女基督徒在電話上 談到神的故事。

Now, some of our volunteers are religious, but this particular one was not.

我們有些志工是信教的， 但這位不是。

At first, it felt a little weird for her to talk to callers about God.

一開始，她覺得跟 來電者談神有點怪。

So, she decided to get comfortable.

所以她決定要讓自己自在一點。

And she stood in front of her mirror at home, and she said the word "God."

她在家裡站在鏡子前 說「神」。

"God."

「神」。

"God."

「神」。

"God."

「神」。

"God."

「神」。

"God."

「神」。

"God."

「神」。

Over and over and over again until the word no longer felt strange

一次又一次的說， 直到從她口中說出這個字

coming out her mouth.

不再感到奇怪。

Saying the word God did not turn this volunteer into a Christian,

說神這個字沒有 讓這位志工成為基督徒，

but it did make her a much better listener of Christian women.

但這的確讓她在面對基督徒婦女時 成為更好的聆聽者。

So, another way to be pro-voice is to share stories,

那麼，另一個成為 「優聲」的方法是分享故事。

and one risk that you take on, when you share your story with someone else,

你跟別人分享自己的故事時， 你要承擔的風險是，

is that given the same set of circumstances as you

就算聽者跟你的處境相同，

they might actually make a different decision.

他們也可能做出不同的決定。

For example, if you're telling a story about your abortion,

舉例來說， 你說了自己墮胎的故事，

realize that she might have had the baby.

卻發現她可能留下孩子。

She might have placed for adoption.

她也可能送人領養。

She might have told her parents and her partner -- or not.

她可能告訴她的父母或同居人， 也可能沒說。

She might have felt relief and confidence, even though you felt sad and lost.

她可能覺得鬆了口氣、很有把握， 而你卻覺得悲慘失落。

This is okay.

這沒關係。

Empathy gets created the moment we imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.

同理心在我們 設身處地的瞬間就產生了。

It doesn't mean we all have to end up in the same place.

這不代表我們會有一樣的結局。

It's not agreement, it's not sameness that pro-voice is after.

優聲權追求的 並非同意、並非一致。

It creates a culture and a society that values what make us special and unique.

它創造一種文化、一個社會， 珍視讓我們獨特的差異。

It values what makes us human, our flaws and our imperfections.

它珍視我們之所以為人的一切， 我們的缺陷和我們的不完美。

And this way of thinking allows us to see our differences with respect,

這種思維讓我們尊重彼此的不同，

instead of fear.

而不是恐懼。

And it generates the empathy that we need

而如此就產生我們所需的同理心，

to overcome all the ways that we try to hurt one another.

以克服試圖傷害彼此的一切。

Stigma, shame, prejudice, discrimination, oppression.

汙名、恥辱、偏見、歧視、壓迫。

Pro-voice is contagious, and the more it's practiced

優聲權具感染力，

練習愈多，傳染愈快。

the more it spreads.

So, last year I was pregnant again.

去年我又懷孕了。

This time I was looking forward to the birth of my son.

這次我很期待我兒子出生。

And while pregnant, I had never been asked how I was feeling so much in all my life.

懷孕時，我接受到的關心 真是一生中最多的階段。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And however I replied, whether I was feeling wonderful and excited

無論我如何回答， 是覺得好奇妙、好興奮，

or scared and totally freaked out,

還是很害怕、完全嚇壞了，

there was always someone there giving me a "been there" response.

總有人對我說： 「我也是過來人。」

It was awesome.

真棒。

It was a welcome, yet dramatic departure from what I experience

這是個令人愉快、戲劇性的再出發，

揮別我五味雜陳的墮胎經驗。

when I talk about my mixed feelings of my abortion.

Pro-voice is about the real stories of real people

優聲權要的是用真人真事，

making an impact on the way abortion

衝擊大家對墮胎

and so many other politicized and stigmatized issues

及其他被政治化、汙名化的議題

are understood and discussed.

所持的看法及爭論。

From sexuality and mental health to poverty and incarceration.

從性取向、心理健康、 貧窮到監禁都是。

Far beyond definition as single right or wrong decisions,

我們的經歷形形色色， 遠遠超過二分法的定義。

our experiences can exist on a spectrum.

Pro-voice focuses that conversation on human experience

優聲權的重點 是人類經歷的對話，

and it makes support and respect possible for all.

並支持及尊重所有可能。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）