Aspen Baker: A better way to talk about abortion

Translator: Ámbar Gorretas Aymerich Reviewer: Cristina Domínguez Roca

It was the middle of summer and well past closing time

Era estiu i feia força estona que hauria d'haver tancat

in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I

el bar Berkeley, on la meva amiga Polly i jo

worked together as bartenders.

treballàvem juntes de cambreres.

Usually at the end of our shift we had a drink -- but not that night.

Normalment, preníem una copa en acabar. Però aquella nit no.

"I'm pregnant.

"Estic embarassada,

Not sure what I'm going to do yet," I told Polly.

i no sé què fer", vaig dir-li.

Without hesitation, she replied, "I've had an abortion."

Sense dubtar-ho, va respondre'm: "Jo he avortat".

Before Polly, no one had ever told me that she'd had an abortion.

Abans de la Polly, ningú m'havia dit que havia avortat.

I'd graduated from college just a few months earlier

M'havia graduat a la universitat feia pocs mesos

and I was in a new relationship when I found out that I was pregnant.

i tenia una nova relació, quan vaig saber que estava embarassada.

When I thought about my choices, I honestly did not know how to decide,

Quan pensava en les possibles opcions, no sabia com decidir-me,

what criteria I should use.

quin criteri havia de seguir.

How would I know what the right decision was?

Com podia saber quina era la decisió correcta?

I worried that I would regret an abortion later.

Em preocupava penedir-me d'haver avortat en el futur.

Coming of age on the beaches of Southern California,

Vaig fer-me major d'edat al sud de California,

I grew up in the middle of our nation's abortion wars.

vaig créixer amb el nostre país en contra de l'avortament.

I was born in a trailer on the third anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

Vaig néixer en un remolc, en el tercer aniversari del cas Roe contra Wade,

Our community was surfing Christians.

en una comunitat de surfistes cristians.

We cared about God, the less fortunate, and the ocean.

Ens preocupàvem per Déu, els desafortunats i l'oceà.

Everyone was pro-life.

Tots erem pro-vida.

As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so sad that I knew if I ever got pregnant

De petita, l'avortament em semblava tan trist que, si em quedava embarassada,

I could never have one.

mai no pensava avortar.

And then I did.

I llavors, ho vaig fer.

It was a step towards the unknown.

Era un pas endavant cap a l'incertesa.

But Polly had given me a very special gift:

Però la Polly m'havia regalat una cosa molt especial:

the knowledge that I wasn't alone

saber que no estava sola

and the realization that abortion was something that we can talk about.

i fer-me veure que es podia parlar sobre l'avortament.

Abortion is common.

L'avortament és comú.

According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in three women in America

Segons l'Institut Guttmacher, una de cada tres dones americanes

will have an abortion in their lifetime.

avortaran al llarg de la seva vida.

But for the last few decades, the dialogue around abortion in the United States

Durant les últimes dècades, el tema de l'avortament als Estats Units

has left little room for anything beyond pro-life and pro-choice.

no deixa cap altra opció entre ser "pro-vida" i "pro-decisió".

It's political and polarizing.

Està polititzat i polaritzat.

But as much as abortion is hotly debated, it's still rare for us,

Però encara que es debati acaloradament, ens sembla estrany

whether as fellow women or even just as fellow people,

tant si és entre dones o fins i tot entre d'altres persones,

to talk with one another about the abortions that we have.

parlar sobre els avortaments.

There is a gap.

Hi ha un espai.

Between what happens in politics and what happens in real life,

Entre el que passa a la política i el que passa a la vida real,

and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.

i en aquest espai, un camp de batalla.

An "are you with us or against us?" stance takes root.

Una postura arrelada de "ets amb nosaltres o en contra?".

This isn't just about abortion.

No es tracta només de l'avortament.

There are so many important issues that we can't talk about.

Hi ha un munt de temes importants, sobre els que no podem parlar.

And so finding ways to shift the conflict to a place of conversation

Trobar maneres de transformar el conflicte en una conversa

is the work of my life.

és el treball de la meva vida.

There are two main ways to get started.

Hi ha dues maneres de començar.

One way is to listen closely.

Una és escoltar.

And the other way is to share stories.

I l'altra és compartir històries.

So, 15 years ago, I cofounded an organization called Exhale

Doncs, fa 15 anys, vaig co-fundar l'organització "Exhale",

to start listening to people who have had abortions.

per començar a escoltar persones que havien avortat.

The first thing we did was create a talk-line, where women and men

Primer, vam crear una línia de conversació, on homes i dones

could call to get emotional support.

podien trucar per obtenir suport emocional.

Free of judgment and politics, believe it or not, nothing like our sevice

No sé si ho creureu, però un servei així, lliure de valoracions o política

had ever existed.

mai no havia existit.

We needed a new framework that could hold all the experiences that we were

Necessitàvem una nova base per a recopilar totes les experiències

hearing on our talk-line.

de la nostra línia de conversa.

The feminist who regrets her abortion.

La feminista que lamentava haver avortat.

The Catholic who is grateful for hers.

La catòlica que agraïa haver-ho fet.

The personal experiences that weren't fitting neatly into one box or the other.

Les experiències personals que no encaixaven en una o altra banda.

We didn't think it was right to ask women to pick a side.

No ens agradava demanar que les dones escollissin una banda.

We wanted to show them that the whole world was on their side,

Volíem ensenyar-los que el món sencer era del seu bàndol,

as they were going through this deeply personal experience.

perquè estaven passant per una experiència personal molt forta.

So we invented "pro-voice."

I vam inventar-nos l'opció "Pro-veu".

Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard issues that we've struggled with globally

Més enllà de l'avortament, "Pro-veu" treballa en temes controvertits globalment

for years,

des de fa molts anys,

issues like immigration, religious tolerance, violence against women.

temes com la immigració, la tolerància religiosa o la violència de gènere.

It also works on deeply personal topics that might only matter to you

També en temes personals que potser només preocupen a una persona

and your immediate family and friends.

i a la seva família i amics.

They have a terminal illness, their mother just died,

Persones amb una malaltia terminal, o algú que acaba de perdre la mare,

they have a child with special needs and they can't talk about it.

gent que té un fill amb necessitats especials, i que no pot parlar sobre el tema.

Listening and storytelling are the hallmarks of pro-voice practice.

Escoltar i compartir històries és la base de la pràctica "pro-veu".

Listening and storytelling.

Escoltar i compartir històries.

That sounds pretty nice.

Sona molt bé.

Sounds maybe, easy? We could all do that.

Potser sona fàcil? És una cosa que podem fer tots.

It's not easy. It's very hard.

Doncs no ho és. És molt difícil.

Pro-voice is hard because we are talking about things everyone's fighting about

"Pro-veu" és difícil perquè parlem sobre coses amb les quals lluitem

or the things that no one wants to talk about.

o sobre les quals ningú vol parlar.

I wish I could tell you that when you decide to be pro-voice, that you'll find

Tant de bo pogués dir-vos que quan decidiu ser "pro-veu", trobareu

beautiful moments of breakthrough and gardens full of flowers,

moments preciosos de descobriment i jardins plens de flors

where listening and storytelling creates wonderful "a-ha" moments.

on escoltar i compartir històries crea grans moments de comprensió.

I wish I could tell you that there would be a feminist welcoming party for you,

Tant de bo pogués parlar-vos sobre una festa feminista de benvinguda

or that there's a long-lost sisterhood of people who are just ready

o de l'existència d'un agermanament de persones preparades

to have your back when you get slammed.

per a recolzar-vos quan us estavelleu.

But it can be vulnerable and exhausting to tell our own stories

Però contar les nostres pròpies històries pot ser esgotador i delicat,

when it feels like nobody cares.

quan sembla que no importen a ningú.

And if we truly listen to one another,

Si ens escoltem de veritat,

we will hear things that demand that we shift our own perceptions.

descobrirem coses que requereixen un canvi de les nostres percepcions.

There is no perfect time and there is no perfect place

No hi ha un moment perfecte ni un lloc perfecte

to start a difficult conversation.

per a començar una conversa difícil.

There's never a time when everyone will be on the same page, share the same lens,

Mai ningú està en la mateixa situació, ni veu el món igual que tu,

or know the same history.

o coneix la mateixa història que tu.

So, let's talk about listening and how to be a good listener.

Per tant, parlem sobre escoltar i sobre com ser un bon oient.

There's lots of ways to be a good listener and I'm going to give you just a couple.

Ara us explicaré dues maneres de ser un bon oient.

One is to ask open-ended questions.

Una d'aquestes maneres és fer preguntes obertes.

You can ask yourself or someone that you know,

Pregunteu-vos o pregunteu algú que conegueu:

"How are you feeling?"

"Com et sents?"

"What was that like?"

"Com ho vas passar?"

"What do you hope for, now?"

"Què esperes, ara?"

Another way to be a good listener is to use reflective language.

Una altra manera és utilitzar llenguatge reflexiu.

If someone is talking about their own personal experience,

Si algú et parla sobre la seva experiència personal,

use the words that they use.

utilitza les paraules que aquella persona utilitza.

If someone is talking about an abortion and they say the word "baby,"

Si algú et parla sobre l'avortament i utilitza la paraula "nadó",

you can say "baby."

pots dir "nadó".

If they say "fetus," you can say "fetus."

Si diu "fetus", digues "fetus".

If someone describes themselves as gender queer to you,

Si algú s'autodefineix com una persona de gènere estrany,

you can say "gender queer."

pots dir "gènere estrany".

If someone kind of looks like a he, but they say they're a she -- it's cool.

Si algú sembla un home, però s'autoanomena "dona"; està bé!

Call that person a she.

Anomena-la "ella".

When we reflect the language of the person who is sharing their own story,

Quan reflectim el llenguatge de la persona que comparteix la seva història,

we are conveying that we are interested in understanding who they are

estem demostrant interès i comprensió sobre la seva identitat

and what they're going through.

i el que els està passant.

The same way that we hope people are interested in knowing us.

De la mateixa manera que esperem un interès dels altres en conèixer-nos.

So, I'll never forget being in one of the Exhale counselor meetings,

Mai no oblidaré una de les reunions a "Exhale"

listening to a volunteer talk about how she was getting a lot of calls

quan vaig escoltar com una voluntària parlava de les trucades que rebia

from Christian women who were talking about God.

de dones cristianes que parlaven sobre Déu.

Now, some of our volunteers are religious, but this particular one was not.

Alguns dels nostres voluntaris són creients, però ella no ho era.

At first, it felt a little weird for her to talk to callers about God.

Al principi, era estrany per a la voluntària parlar de Déu.

So, she decided to get comfortable.

Així que va decidir sentir-se còmoda.

And she stood in front of her mirror at home, and she said the word "God."

Va mirar-se davant el mirall de casa, i va dir la paraula "Déu".

"God."

"Déu".

"God."

"Déu".

"God."

"Déu".

"God."

"Déu".

"God."

"Déu".

"God."

"Déu".

Over and over and over again until the word no longer felt strange

Una vegada i una altra fins que la paraula ja no li sonava estranya

coming out her mouth.

quan li sortia de la boca.

Saying the word God did not turn this volunteer into a Christian,

Dir la paraula "Déu" no va convertir aquesta voluntària en cristiana,

but it did make her a much better listener of Christian women.

però sí que va convertir-la en una millor oient per a les dones cristianes.

So, another way to be pro-voice is to share stories,

Una altra manera de ser "pro-veu" és compartir històries,

and one risk that you take on, when you share your story with someone else,

i un dels riscs que això comporta,

is that given the same set of circumstances as you

és que quan comparteixes les teves circumstàncies,

they might actually make a different decision.

algú et pot dir que ell hauria pres una altra decisió.

For example, if you're telling a story about your abortion,

Per exemple, si comparteixes una història sobre l'avortament,

realize that she might have had the baby.

potser trobes una altra dona que sí que hauria tingut el nadó.

She might have placed for adoption.

O que l'hauria donat en adopció.

She might have told her parents and her partner -- or not.

O potser alguna li hauria explicat als pares, o a la seva parella...o potser no.

She might have felt relief and confidence, even though you felt sad and lost.

Alguna s'hauria sentit segura i alleujada, quan tu vas sentir-te trista i perduda.

This is okay.

És normal.

Empathy gets created the moment we imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.

L'empatia es crea quan ens posem en la pell de l'altre.

It doesn't mean we all have to end up in the same place.

No vol dir que tots haguem de coincidir en tot.

It's not agreement, it's not sameness that pro-voice is after.

No vol dir estar-hi d'acord, "pro-veu" no busca una igualtat.

It creates a culture and a society that values what make us special and unique.

Busca una cultura i una societat que valori allò que ens fa únics.

It values what makes us human, our flaws and our imperfections.

Que valori el que ens fa humans, els nostres errors i defectes.

And this way of thinking allows us to see our differences with respect,

I aquesta manera de pensar ens fa respectar les nostres diferències,

instead of fear.

en comptes de témer-les.

And it generates the empathy that we need

I genera l'empatia que necessitem

to overcome all the ways that we try to hurt one another.

per a superar les formes que tenim de fer-nos mal entre nosaltres.

Stigma, shame, prejudice, discrimination, oppression.

Els estigmes, la vergonya, els prejudicis, la discriminació, l'opressió...

Pro-voice is contagious, and the more it's practiced

"Pro-veu" és contagiosa, com més es practica,

the more it spreads.

més s'estén.

So, last year I was pregnant again.

L'any passat, vaig tornar a quedar-me embarassada.

This time I was looking forward to the birth of my son.

Aquesta vegada tenia moltes ganes que nasqués el meu fill.

And while pregnant, I had never been asked how I was feeling so much in all my life.

Mai no m'havien preguntat tantes vegades com em trobava.

(Laughter)

(Riures)

And however I replied, whether I was feeling wonderful and excited

I tant si responia que estava genial i molt il·lusionada,

or scared and totally freaked out,

o amb molta por i totalment espantada,

there was always someone there giving me a "been there" response.

sempre hi havia algú que em responia que havia passat pel mateix.

It was awesome.

Era fantàstic.

It was a welcome, yet dramatic departure from what I experience

M'agradava, però era una diferència tan gran respecte el que em passa

when I talk about my mixed feelings of my abortion.

quan parlo de la barreja de sentiments sobre el meu avortament.

Pro-voice is about the real stories of real people

"Pro-veu" es basa en històries reals de gent real,

making an impact on the way abortion

tot causant un impacte en la manera que l'avortament

and so many other politicized and stigmatized issues

i molts altres temes polititzats i estigmatitzats

are understood and discussed.

s'entenen i es debaten.

From sexuality and mental health to poverty and incarceration.

Des de la sexualitat i la salut mental fins a la pobresa i l'empresonament.

Far beyond definition as single right or wrong decisions,

Més enllà de definir les decisions com a correctes o errònies,

our experiences can exist on a spectrum.

les nostres experiències poden encaixar en una altra escala del ventall.

Pro-voice focuses that conversation on human experience

La base de "Pro-veu" és la conversa sobre les experiències humanes

and it makes support and respect possible for all.

i fa possible el suport i el respecte per a tots nosaltres.

Thank you.

Moltes gràcies.

(Applause)

(Aplaudiments)