Aspen Baker: A better way to talk about abortion

翻译人员: Bighead Ge 校对人员: Pechow Z

It was the middle of summer and well past closing time

那是盛夏中的一天， 在伯克利市中心的一间酒吧里，

in the downtown Berkeley bar where my friend Polly and I

我和我的朋友polly在那里当侍应，

worked together as bartenders.

那会儿酒吧早就打烊了。

Usually at the end of our shift we had a drink -- but not that night.

通常，在交接班后我们都会喝上一杯， 但那晚我们却没有喝。

"I'm pregnant.

“我怀孕了。

Not sure what I'm going to do yet," I told Polly.

我还不知道要怎么办，” 我告诉polly。

Without hesitation, she replied, "I've had an abortion."

她毫无迟疑地回答我， “我做过人流。”

Before Polly, no one had ever told me that she'd had an abortion.

在polly之前， 从未有人告诉过我她曾经做过人流。

I'd graduated from college just a few months earlier

那会儿我刚从大学毕业没几个月，

and I was in a new relationship when I found out that I was pregnant.

而当我发现自己怀孕时， 我正处于一段新的恋爱关系中。

When I thought about my choices, I honestly did not know how to decide,

当我在思考要如何抉择时， 我真的不知如何是好，

what criteria I should use.

该采用怎样的标准。

How would I know what the right decision was?

我怎么知道什么才是正确的决定？

I worried that I would regret an abortion later.

我担心如果我选择人流， 将来也许会后悔。

Coming of age on the beaches of Southern California,

我在南加州的海滩上度过了童年，

I grew up in the middle of our nation's abortion wars.

成长在全国性反堕胎浪潮的高峰期。

I was born in a trailer on the third anniversary of Roe vs. Wade.

我出生在罗伊诉韦德案 胜利三周年之际。

Our community was surfing Christians.

我们生活的社区都是基督教徒。

We cared about God, the less fortunate, and the ocean.

我们关心上帝，贫困人群， 还有海洋环境。

每个人都是反堕胎合法化的拥护者。

Everyone was pro-life.

As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so sad that I knew if I ever got pregnant

作为一个孩子，堕胎的想法让我非常难过， 所以我知道即便怀孕了，

I could never have one.

我也永远不会去堕胎。

And then I did.

但我却真的这样做了。

It was a step towards the unknown.

这使我向未知走近了一步。

But Polly had given me a very special gift:

但polly给了我一个特别的礼物：

the knowledge that I wasn't alone

让我懂得我并不是独自一人，

and the realization that abortion was something that we can talk about.

让我意识到堕胎 是一个我们可以共同讨论的问题。

Abortion is common.

堕胎，是很正常的事情。

According to the Guttmacher Institute, one in three women in America

根据Guttmacher机构的调查， 美国有三分之一的女性

will have an abortion in their lifetime.

会在她们的人生中经历堕胎。

But for the last few decades, the dialogue around abortion in the United States

但在过去的几十年， 在美国，关于堕胎的争论

has left little room for anything beyond pro-life and pro-choice.

并没有给反对和支持堕胎合法化人群 以更多的空间。

It's political and polarizing.

这是政治化，两极化的。

But as much as abortion is hotly debated, it's still rare for us,

尽管堕胎的辩论处于白热化， 但我们在生活中仍然很少提及，

whether as fellow women or even just as fellow people,

无论是对于女性，还是普通大众，

to talk with one another about the abortions that we have.

我们都很少相互谈及堕胎的话题。

There is a gap.

这中间出现了脱节。

Between what happens in politics and what happens in real life,

在政治和真实生活之间，

and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.

脱节的地方正上演着 一场精神上的战争。

An "are you with us or against us?" stance takes root.

一个“你们到底支持还是 反对我们”的立场已经深入人心。

This isn't just about abortion.

这并不仅仅只是关于堕胎。

There are so many important issues that we can't talk about.

我们还有太多重要的话题无法谈论。

And so finding ways to shift the conflict to a place of conversation

所以寻找把冲突转化为对话的途径

is the work of my life.

就成了我此生的追求。

There are two main ways to get started.

我们可以以两种方式开始。

One way is to listen closely.

第一种，就是认真倾听。

And the other way is to share stories.

另一种，就是分享故事。

So, 15 years ago, I cofounded an organization called Exhale

所以在15年前， 我与人合作创办了叫Exhale的组织，

to start listening to people who have had abortions.

来倾听那些经历过堕胎的人们的故事。

The first thing we did was create a talk-line, where women and men

我们做的第一件事，就是开启一条 谈话热线，让女人和男人们

could call to get emotional support.

可以打进来寻求精神支持。

Free of judgment and politics, believe it or not, nothing like our sevice

无关批判和政治， 实话实说

had ever existed.

以前从来没有过一个 像我们这样的组织。

We needed a new framework that could hold all the experiences that we were

我们需要形成一个 新的框架去处理在热线上

hearing on our talk-line.

听到的所有故事。

The feminist who regrets her abortion.

后悔堕胎的女权主义者。

The Catholic who is grateful for hers.

对堕胎的决定感到庆幸的天主教徒。

The personal experiences that weren't fitting neatly into one box or the other.

个人经历本来就无法 被清晰地划分为某一类。

We didn't think it was right to ask women to pick a side.

我们认为让女人只选择一边是不对的。

We wanted to show them that the whole world was on their side,

我们想让她们知道， 当她们步入这段深刻的个人经历，

as they were going through this deeply personal experience.

这个世界是站在她们那一边的。

So we invented "pro-voice."

所以我们创造了“支持你的声音”。

Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard issues that we've struggled with globally

除了堕胎，“支持你的声音” 也致力于全球范围内持续多年的

for years,

许多棘手的问题，

issues like immigration, religious tolerance, violence against women.

比如移民，宗教包容，针对女性的暴力。

It also works on deeply personal topics that might only matter to you

它也致力于解决那些可能 只涉及你个人，

and your immediate family and friends.

你的家人和朋友的问题。

They have a terminal illness, their mother just died,

他们有人患了癌症晚期， 有人的母亲刚去世，

they have a child with special needs and they can't talk about it.

有人的孩子有特殊需求， 但他们无法开口。

Listening and storytelling are the hallmarks of pro-voice practice.

倾听与分享故事是 “支持你的声音”的标签。

Listening and storytelling.

倾听，分享故事。

That sounds pretty nice.

听上去真好。

Sounds maybe, easy? We could all do that.

听上去也许，很简单？ 我们都能做到。

It's not easy. It's very hard.

但其实这并不简单，甚至非常困难。

Pro-voice is hard because we are talking about things everyone's fighting about

运作“支持你的声音”难度很大， 因为我们谈论的是大家都在抗争的问题，

or the things that no one wants to talk about.

或没人愿意谈及的话题。

I wish I could tell you that when you decide to be pro-voice, that you'll find

我希望能够告诉你们的是， 当你决定加入“支持你的声音”，你会发现

beautiful moments of breakthrough and gardens full of flowers,

突破自我的美妙时刻和 满是鲜花的花园，

where listening and storytelling creates wonderful "a-ha" moments.

倾听和分享故事时 会有灵感一现的时刻。

I wish I could tell you that there would be a feminist welcoming party for you,

我希望能够告诉你们， 会有一个女权主义者的欢迎派对等着你，

or that there's a long-lost sisterhood of people who are just ready

或者有一个久违了的姐妹会准备好

to have your back when you get slammed.

在你遭受打击时在背后支持你。

But it can be vulnerable and exhausting to tell our own stories

但当讲述自己的故事却感到 没人真正关心你的时候，

when it feels like nobody cares.

我们会变得很脆弱和心力交瘁。

And if we truly listen to one another,

而且，当我们真正在倾听别人的时候，

we will hear things that demand that we shift our own perceptions.

我们会听到需要我们转变看法的事情。

There is no perfect time and there is no perfect place

从来没有完美的时间和完美的地点

to start a difficult conversation.

去开始一场艰难的对话。

There's never a time when everyone will be on the same page, share the same lens,

从来没有哪一个时刻，所有人都能 站在同一战线，分享同一视角，

or know the same history.

或了解同一段历史。

So, let's talk about listening and how to be a good listener.

那么，现在我们来讲讲倾听， 和如何成为一个优秀的倾听者。

There's lots of ways to be a good listener and I'm going to give you just a couple.

有很多种方式可以成为良好的倾听者， 我只打算分享其中的几种。

One is to ask open-ended questions.

一种方法是开放式提问。

You can ask yourself or someone that you know,

你可以问你自己或你认识的人

"How are you feeling?"

“你觉得怎么样？”

"What was that like?"

“那是一个什么样的过程？”

"What do you hope for, now?"

“你现在期待的是什么？”

Another way to be a good listener is to use reflective language.

另一种成为优秀倾听者的方法 是使用反射性语言。

If someone is talking about their own personal experience,

当有人谈论他们自己的个人经历时，

use the words that they use.

用他们用过的词。

If someone is talking about an abortion and they say the word "baby,"

如果有人谈起堕胎并说了“婴儿”，

you can say "baby."

你也可以说“婴儿”。

If they say "fetus," you can say "fetus."

如果她们说“胎儿”， 你也可以说“胎儿”。

If someone describes themselves as gender queer to you,

如果有人形容自己是“性取向怪癖者”，

you can say "gender queer."

你也可以说“性取向怪癖者”。

If someone kind of looks like a he, but they say they're a she -- it's cool.

如果有人看起来像个男人， 但说自己是女人，也无妨，

Call that person a she.

就称他为女人好了。

When we reflect the language of the person who is sharing their own story,

当我们重复故事分享者说过的语言，

we are conveying that we are interested in understanding who they are

我们传达出的是 我们有兴趣了解他们是谁，

and what they're going through.

和他们正经历着什么。

The same way that we hope people are interested in knowing us.

我们也希望人们能同样想要了解我们。

So, I'll never forget being in one of the Exhale counselor meetings,

我永远也不会忘记 在一次Exhale顾问大会中，

listening to a volunteer talk about how she was getting a lot of calls

一个志愿者讲述了她接到了许多电话，

from Christian women who were talking about God.

都是来自想要大谈特谈上帝的女基督徒。

Now, some of our volunteers are religious, but this particular one was not.

事实上我们的很多志愿者都有宗教信仰， 但这一位却没有。

At first, it felt a little weird for her to talk to callers about God.

一开始，接电话的志愿者 对上帝这个话题感到很诡异。

So, she decided to get comfortable.

所以，她决定先让自己感到舒服。

And she stood in front of her mirror at home, and she said the word "God."

于是她站在家中的镜子前， 说了“上帝”这个词。

"God."

“上帝”

"God."

“上帝”

"God."

“上帝”

"God."

“上帝”

"God."

“上帝”

"God."

“上帝”

Over and over and over again until the word no longer felt strange

一遍又一遍， 直到这个词从她口中说出来

coming out her mouth.

不再变得奇怪。

Saying the word God did not turn this volunteer into a Christian,

讲出“上帝”这个词并不会 把这名志愿者变成一个基督徒，

but it did make her a much better listener of Christian women.

但却会让她成为女性基督教徒 更好的倾听者。

So, another way to be pro-voice is to share stories,

那么，还有一种支持别人声音的方法 就是分享故事，

and one risk that you take on, when you share your story with someone else,

当你向别人分享故事时， 这当中有一个风险，

is that given the same set of circumstances as you

就是当别人处于和你同样的处境时，

they might actually make a different decision.

他们也许会做出不同的决定。

For example, if you're telling a story about your abortion,

举个例子。 当你谈论你的堕胎经历时，

realize that she might have had the baby.

会意识到她当初可能选择 把孩子生下来了。

She might have placed for adoption.

她也许让别人去收养这个孩子。

She might have told her parents and her partner -- or not.

她也许告诉了父母或伴侣， 也可能没有。

She might have felt relief and confidence, even though you felt sad and lost.

她也许感到释怀或自信， 即使你觉得悲伤和迷茫。

This is okay.

这都没关系。

Empathy gets created the moment we imagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.

当我们想象自己正经历着别人的处境， 同情心就会油然而生。

It doesn't mean we all have to end up in the same place.

这并不意味着我们都要最后达成一致。

It's not agreement, it's not sameness that pro-voice is after.

这不是一个协议， “支持你的声音“并不推崇千篇一律。

It creates a culture and a society that values what make us special and unique.

它创造了一个认可我们独特性和 唯一性的文化和社会。

It values what makes us human, our flaws and our imperfections.

它在乎是什么让我们成为人， 以及我们的错误和不完美。

And this way of thinking allows us to see our differences with respect,

这种思维方式让我们能带着尊重 去看待我们之间的不同，

instead of fear.

而不是恐惧。

And it generates the empathy that we need

而且它激发了我们所需的同情心，

to overcome all the ways that we try to hurt one another.

击败了我们尝试伤害他人的举动。

Stigma, shame, prejudice, discrimination, oppression.

耻辱，羞愧，偏见，歧视，压抑。

Pro-voice is contagious, and the more it's practiced

”支持你的声音“富有感染性， 参与的人越多，

the more it spreads.

就传播得越广。

So, last year I was pregnant again.

去年，我又一次怀孕了。

This time I was looking forward to the birth of my son.

这一次，我非常期待我儿子的出生。

And while pregnant, I had never been asked how I was feeling so much in all my life.

而在我怀孕期间， 我从没被问过那么多次“你觉得怎样”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And however I replied, whether I was feeling wonderful and excited

而无论我如何回答， 无论我感觉棒级了，兴奋极了，

or scared and totally freaked out,

还是恐慌到快要崩溃了，

there was always someone there giving me a "been there" response.

总会有人对我说“我会陪着你”。

It was awesome.

这感觉真太好了。

It was a welcome, yet dramatic departure from what I experience

这让我在经历过堕胎的复杂感受后， 人生又迎来了新的起点，

when I talk about my mixed feelings of my abortion.

迎接我的是充满问候和惊喜的未来。

Pro-voice is about the real stories of real people

“支持你的声音”关心的都是真人真事，

making an impact on the way abortion

他们造成的影响使得堕胎这个话题，

and so many other politicized and stigmatized issues

以及其他很多被政治化的， 被玷污的话题

are understood and discussed.

都得以被理解和讨论。

From sexuality and mental health to poverty and incarceration.

从性和心理健康，到贫困和监禁。

Far beyond definition as single right or wrong decisions,

与其用单一的对或错的决定来定义，

our experiences can exist on a spectrum.

我们的经历更应该 存在于某一个范畴内。

Pro-voice focuses that conversation on human experience

“支持你的声音”关注那些 关于人类体验的对话，

and it makes support and respect possible for all.

而且它让支持和尊重 对所有人都成为了可能。

Thank you.

谢谢大家。

(Applause)

（鼓掌）