Ramona Pierson: An unexpected place of healing

Prevoditelj: Senzos Osijek Recezent: Zlatko Smetisko

Podijelit ću s vama nešto

I'm actually going to share something with you

o čemu nisam pričala više od deset godina.

I haven't talked about probably in more than 10 years.

Imajte strpljenja

So bear with me as I take you through this journey.

dok vam pričam o tome.

When I was 22 years old,

Kada sam imala 22 godine,

I came home from work, put a leash on my dog

došla sam kući s posla, stavila svog psa na povodac

and went for my usual run.

i krenula na trčanje.

I had no idea that at that moment,

U tom trenutku nisam imala pojma

my life was going to change forever.

da će se moj život zauvijek promijeniti.

While I was preparing my dog for the run,

Dok sam pripremala psa,

jedan je čovjek popio piće u kafiću,

a man was finishing drinking at a bar,

picked up his car keys, got into a car

uzeo ključeve od auta, sjeo u auto

i krenuo prema jugu,

and headed south,

or wherever he was.

ili gdje već.

Trčala sam preko ceste

I was running across the street,

i jedino čega se sjećam

and the only thing that I actually remember

je osjećaj kao da mi je granata eksplodirala u glavi.

is feeling like a grenade went off in my head.

Sjećam se i pada na tlo

And I remember putting my hands on the ground

i sjećam se kako mi je krv

and feeling my life's blood

istjecala kroz vrat

emptying out of my neck and my mouth.

i usta.

Dogodilo se da je muškarac

What had happened is, he ran a red light

prošao kroz crveno svjetlo i udario mene i mog psa.

and hit me and my dog.

She ended up underneath the car.

Pas je završio ispod auta.

Ja sam odletjela prema naprijed,

I flew out in front of the car,

and then he ran over my legs.

a onda mi je auto prešao preko nogu.

My left leg got caught up in the wheel well --

Lijeva mi je noga zapela s unutrašnje strane blatobrana --

te se vrtjela zajedno s kotačem.

spun it around.

Branik mi je

The bumper of the car hit my throat,

slicing it open.

razrezao grlo.

I ended up with blunt chest trauma.

Ležala sam tamo s tupom traumom prsnog koša.

Your aorta comes up behind your heart, it's your major artery --

Aorta, glavna arterija koja ide iz srca,

kod mene je bila prekinuta

and it was severed, so my blood was gurgling out of my mouth.

i krv mi istjecala kroz usta,

pjenila se

It foamed, and ... horrible things were happening to me.

i grozne su mi se stvari događale.

Nisam imala pojma što se događa,

I had no idea what was going on,

ali prolaznici su mi priskočili u pomoć,

but strangers intervened,

i održavali su rad mog srca pokretnim.

kept my heart moving, beating.

I say "moving," because it was quivering,

A pokretnim kažem iz razloga što je samo treperilo

i oni su mu pokušavali vratiti ritam.

and they were trying to put a beat back into it.

Netko se dosjetio i BIC olovkom napravio traheotomiju

Somebody was smart and put a Bic pen in my neck

kako bi mi otvorio dišni put i omogućio dovod zraka.

to open up my airway, so I could get some air in there.

Moja pluća su kolabirala

And my lung collapsed,

so somebody cut me open and put a pen in there as well,

pa su mi stavili pribadaču i tamo,

to stop that catastrophic event from happening.

kako bi spriječili mnogo veću štetu.

Somehow I ended up at the hospital.

Nekako sam se stvorila u bolnici.

Bila sam zamotana u led

I was wrapped in ice,

and then eventually put into a drug-induced coma.

i naposljetku su me odlučili staviti u induciranu komu.

Probudila sam se nakon 18 mjeseci.

Eighteen months later, I woke up.

I was blind, I couldn't speak

Bila sam slijepa, nisam mogla govoriti

and I couldn't walk.

ni hodati.

I was 64 pounds.

Težila sam 29 kilograma.

The hospital really has no idea what to do with people like that.

U bolnici nisu imali pojma

što učiniti s nekim poput mene.

And in fact, they started to call me a "gomer."

Zvali su me "Gomer",

That's another story we won't even get into.

no to je jedna sasvim druga priča u koju nećemo ulaziti.

I had so many surgeries to put my neck back together,

Bilo je potrebno mnoštvo operacija kako bi zakrpali moj vrat,

a srce su mi popravljali nekoliko puta.

to repair my heart a few times.

Some things worked, some things didn't.

Neke stvari su dobro funkcionirale, neke ne.

Stavili su dosta titanija u mene,

I had lots of titanium put in me;

presadili kosti,

cadaver bones,

to try to get my feet moving the right way.

sve kako bih se odmah mogla kretati.

And I ended up with a plastic nose,

Dobila sam i plastični nos, porculanske zube

porcelain teeth and all kinds of other things.

i razne druge stvari.

But eventually, I started to look human again.

Nakon nekog vremena ponovno sam počela nalikovati na ljudsko biće.

But ...

Ponekad mi je teško govoriti o svemu tome,

It's hard sometimes to talk about these things,

tako da imajte strpljenja.

so bear with me.

I had more than 50 surgeries.

Imala sam više od 50 operacija.

But who's counting?

No, tko to još broji?

(Laughter)

Na kraju je bolnica odlučila

So eventually, the hospital decided it was time for me to go.

kako je vrijeme za moj odlazak.

They needed to open up space for somebody else

Morali su osloboditi mjesto

za nekog drugog za koga su smatrali da bi se mogao

that they thought could come back

from whatever they were going through.

vratiti u život iz nekog sličnog stanja.

Everybody lost faith in me being able to recover.

Svi su izgubili vjeru da ću se se ikada oporaviti.

U biti su stavili kartu na zid i bacili strijelicu.

So they basically put a map up on the wall, threw a dart,

Ona je pogodila dom za umirovljenike ovdje u Coloradu.

and it landed at a senior home, here in Colorado.

And I know all of you are scratching your head:

Znam da se sada svi pitate:

"Dom za umirovljenike? Što ćeš ti tamo?"

"A senior citizens' home?

What in the world are you going to do there?"

Ali, ako razmislite o

But if you think about all of the skills and talent

vještinama i talentima koji su sada prisutni u ovoj prostoriji -

that are in this room right now,

isto je takav bio domu za umirovljenike.

that's what a senior home has.

Znači, tu su bile sve vještine i talenti

So there were all these skills and talents

koje su umirovljenici imali.

that these seniors had.

The one advantage they had over most of you

Jedina prednost koju ljudi tamo imaju u odnosu na vas

je mudrost

is wisdom,

because they had a long life.

jer su mnogo toga proživjeli.

And I needed that wisdom at that moment in my life.

A u tom trenutku svog života upravo sam tu mudrost trebala.

Zamislite kako je njima bilo

But imagine what it was like for them

kada sam im se pojavila na vratima?

when I showed up at their doorstep.

U međuvremenu sam dobila još dva kilograma

At that point, I had gained four pounds, so I was 68 pounds.

pa sam u to doba imala 31 kg.

Bila sam ćelava i

I was bald.

odjevena u bolničku odjeću.

I was wearing hospital scrubs.

Netko mi je poklonio tenisice.

And somebody donated tennis shoes for me.

And I had a white cane in one hand

U jednoj sam ruci imala bijeli štap,

a u drugoj kovčeg prepun liječničke dokumentacije.

and a suitcase full of medical records in another hand.

I tako su umirovljenici zaključili

So the senior citizens realized

that they needed to have an emergency meeting.

kako moraju sazvati izvanredni sastanak.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So they pulled back and they were looking at each other,

Povukli su se iza i pogledavali jedni druge:

and they were going, "OK, what skills do we have in this room?

"OK, što mi u ovoj prostoriji imamo za ponuditi?

This kid needs a lot of work."

Oko ovog djeteta bit će dosta posla."

So they eventually started matching their talents and skills

Počeli su

usklađivati svoje mogućnosti i vještine

s mojim potrebama.

to all of my needs.

Jedna od prvih stvari koje su morali učiniti

But one of the first things they needed to do

bilo je ustanoviti što mi je pod hitno potrebno.

was assess what I needed right away.

Morala sam naučiti

I needed to figure out how to eat like a normal human being,

jesti kao normalno ljudsko biće

since I'd been eating through a tube in my chest

jer sam već neko vrijeme jela isključivo kroz cijev u prsima

i kroz vene.

and through my veins.

So I had to go through trying to eat again.

Dakle, trebala sam naučiti jesti.

And they went through that process.

Krenuli su kroz taj proces.

Nakon toga su zaključili:

And then they had to figure out:

"Well, she needs furniture.

"Ona treba pokućstvo.

She is sleeping in the corner of this apartment."

Spava u kutu stana."

So they went to their storage lockers

Otišli su u spremišta

and all gathered their extra furniture --

i skupili svo svoje dodatno pokućstvo -

gave me pots and pans, blankets --

dali su mi lonce i tave, pokrivače,

sve.

everything.

And then the next thing that I needed

Druga stvar koja mi je trebala

bila je totalna promjena imidža.

was a makeover.

(Laughter)

Zelena bolnička odjeća

So out went the green scrubs,

zamijenjena je poliesterom i cvjetnim uzorcima.

and in came the polyester and floral prints.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

We're not going to talk about the hairstyles

Nećemo govoriti o frizurama na koje su me pokušali prisiliti

they tried to force on me once my hair grew back.

kada mi je kosa ponovo narasla.

Ali odlučno sam rekla ne plavoj kosi.

But I did say no to the blue hair.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

So eventually, what went on is,

Nakon nekog vremena

odlučili su da moram naučiti govoriti.

they decided that, well, I need to learn to speak.

Ne možeš biti neovisna osoba

You can't be an independent person

ako ne govoriš i ne vidiš.

if you're not able to speak and you can't see.

So they figured not being able to see is one thing,

Na to što ne vidim nisu mogli utjecati,

but they need to get me to talk.

ali bili su odlučni u tome da moram progovoriti.

So while Sally, the office manager,

Sally, direktorica ustanove,

was teaching me to speak in the day --

učila me govoriti preko dana -

it's hard, because when you're a kid, you take things for granted.

a bilo je teško jer kada si dijete

uzimaš takve stvari zdravo za gotovo,

You learn things unconsciously.

podsvjesno učiš.

But for me, I was an adult and it was embarrassing,

A ja sam bila odrasla i sve je to bilo veoma ponižavajuće.

Morala sam naučiti koordinirati

and I had to learn how to coordinate my new throat with my tongue

svoje novo grlo s jezikom

and my new teeth and my lips,

i nove zube s usnama,

and capture the air and get the word out.

uhvatiti zrak i konačno, izbaciti riječ iz sebe.

So, I acted like a two-year-old,

Ponašala sam se kao dvogodišnjak

and refused to work.

i odbijala surađivati.

No, muškarci su imali bolju zamisao.

But the men had a better idea.

They were going to make it fun for me.

Odlučili su sve skupa učiniti zabavnijim.

Po noći smo učili igrajući Scrabble sa psovkama,

So they were teaching me cuss-word Scrabble at night.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

a potajno sam

And then, secretly, how to swear like a sailor.

učila kako psovati kao kočijaš.

(Laughter)

Ostavit ću vašoj mašti na volju

I'm going to just leave it to your imagination

as to what my first words were --

koje su bile moje prve riječi

(Laughter)

when Sally finally got my confidence built.

kada je Sally konačno pridobila moje povjerenje.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

So I moved on from there.

Nakon nekog vremena sam napredovala.

And a former teacher who happened to have Alzheimer's

Bivša učiteljica, koja je inače bolovala od Alzheimerove,

took on the task of teaching me to write.

primila se zadatka da me nauči pisati.

The redundancy was actually good for me.

Redundancija je zapravo bila korisna za mene.

So, we'll just keep moving on.

Nastavljamo dalje.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Jedan od najznačajnijih trenutaka za mene

One of the pivotal times for me

was actually learning to cross the street again

bilo je učenje kako

as a blind person.

kao slijepac prijeći cestu.

Zatvorite oči.

So close your eyes.

Now imagine you have to cross a street.

Sada zamislite da morate prijeći cestu.

Ne znate kako daleko je ulica,

You don't know how far that street is,

ne znate idete li ravno,

and you don't know if you're going straight.

And you hear cars whizzing back and forth,

čujete jureće automobile sa svih strana,

a strašna automobilska nesreća

and you had a horrible accident

that landed you in this situation.

vas je dovela u stanje u kojem se nalazite.

So there were two obstacles I had to get through.

Dakle, morala sam savladati dvije prepreke.

One was post-traumatic stress disorder.

Jedna je bila PTSP.

Svaki put kada bih se približila uglu ili ivičnjaku,

Every time I approached the corner or the curb,

I would panic.

obuzela bi me panika.

And the second one

Druga prepreka

was actually trying to figure out how to cross that street.

bila je shvatiti kako prijeći tu cestu.

So one of the seniors just came up to me,

Jedna umirovljenica prišla mi je s leđa,

and she pushed me up to the corner and said,

gurnula me i rekla:

"Kada misliš da je vrijeme za krenuti, samo ispruži svoj bijeli štap.

"When you think it's time to go, just stick the cane out there.

Ako ga nešto udari, nemoj krenuti."

If it's hit, don't cross the street."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Ima smisla.

Made perfect sense.

(Laughter)

Ali, nakon trećeg bijelog štapa

But by the third cane that went whizzing across the road --

koji je odletio na ulicu,

(Laughter)

shvatili su da se moraju ujediniti

they realized that they needed to put their resources together,

i skupili su novac

and they raised funds

so that I could go to the Braille Institute

kako bih mogla ići na Institut Braille

and actually gain the skills to be a blind person,

gdje ću naučiti

kako biti slijepa osoba,

ali i dobiti psa vodiča

and also to go get a guide dog,

koji će mi promijeniti život.

who transformed my life.

Uspjela sam se vratiti na fakultet

And I was able to return to college

zbog umirovljenika koji su uložili u mene,

because of the senior citizens who invested in me,

and also the guide dog and skill set I had gained.

ali i psa vodiča i vještina koje sam stekla.

Ten years later, I gained my sight back.

Deset godina poslije, vratio mi se vid.

I to ne čudom.

Not magically --

Obavila sam tri operacije,

I opted in for three surgeries,

a jedna od njih je bila eksperimentalna.

and one of them was experimental.

To je zapravo bila robotska operacija.

It was actually robotic surgery

that removed a hematoma from behind my eye.

Uklonili su hematom koji se nalazio iza mog oka.

Najveća promjena za mene

The biggest change for me was that the world moved forward,

bila je to što je svijet toliko uznapredovao,

postojale su inovacije

that there were innovations and all kinds of new things --

i razne vrste novih stvari -

mobiteli, prijenosna računala

cellphones, laptops,

i još mnogo stvari koje nikada nisam vidjela.

all these things that I had never seen before.

And as a blind person,

A kada si slijep,

your visual memory fades,

vizualna memorija blijedi

i zamijenjena je osjećajima koje pridaješ stvarima,

and is replaced with how you feel about things

kako nešto zvuči

and how things sound

ili miriše.

and how things smell.

So one day, I was in my room

Jednog dana bila sam u svojoj sobi

i ugledala neku stvar koja je sjedila na podu.

and I saw this thing sitting in my room.

Mislila sam da je to čudovište.

I thought it was a monster,

so I was walking around it.

Hodala sam oko njega

And I go, "I'm just going to touch it."

i konačno odlučila: "OK, dotaknut ću to."

And I touched it and I went,

I jesam... Bila je to

"Oh my God, it's a laundry basket."

obična košara za rublje.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

Sve je drugačije

Everything is different when you're a sighted person,

kada vidiš

jer vid uzimamo zdravo za gotovo.

because you take that for granted.

Ali, kada si slijepac

But when you're blind, you have the tactile memory for things.

taktilna memorija preuzima stvari u svoje ruke.

Presudni trenutak za mene bio je kada sam pogledala svoje ruke

The biggest change for me was looking down at my hands

and seeing that I'd lost 10 years of my life.

i shvatila da sam izgubila deset godina života.

I thought that time had stood still for some reason

Imala sam osjećaj da je moje vrijeme stalo iz nekog razloga,

and moved on for family and friends.

a da je normalno teklo za moju obitelj i prijatelje.

But when I looked down,

Ali, kada sam pogledala dolje,

I realized that time marched on for me, too,

morala sam prihvatiti činjenicu da su i meni godine prohujale,

and that I needed to get caught up.

morala sam uhvatiti korak s vremenom

So I got going on it.

i nastaviti živjeti.

Nismo znali za riječi "crowd-sourcing" i "radical collaboration"

We didn't have words like "crowdsourcing" and "radical collaboration"

kada sam doživjela nezgodu.

when I had my accident.

Ali taj se koncept pokazao ispravnim -

But the concept held true --

people working with people to rebuild me;

ljudi koji su radili skupa da bi me iznova izgradili,

people working with people to reeducate me.

ljudi koji su radili skupa da bi me iznova educirali.

Ne bih sada stajala ovdje ispred vas

I wouldn't be standing here today

da nije bilo "radical collaboration".

if it wasn't for extreme radical collaboration.

Thank you so much.

Mnogo hvala.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)