4 signs of emotional abuse - Viann Nguyen-Feng

Prevodilac: Ognjen Miladinović Lektor: Milenka Okuka

Emotional abuse can be incredibly damaging,

Psihičko nasilje može biti veoma štetno,

increasing a person’s chances of developing depression and anxiety

povećavajući šanse za razvijanje depresije i anskioznosti kod osobe

sometimes for decades after the fact.

nekada i decenijama nakon samog čina.

Broadly speaking, emotional abuse involves one person controlling another

Opšte govoreći, psihičko nasilje uključuje kontrolu jedne osobe od strane druge

by undermining their sense of self-worth and personal agency.

čime se umanjuje njen osećaj sopstvene vrednosti i ličnog integriteta.

But emotionally abusive behaviors can be subtle and difficult to spot,

Ali psihički nasilno ponašanje može biti suptilno i teško uočljivo,

both from within and outside the abusive relationship.

kako onima unutar nasilnog odnosa tako i onima izvan njega.

That’s partly because emotional abuse often exploits

To je delom jer psihičko zlostavljanje često zloupotrebljava

or creates power imbalances between individuals,

ili stvara neravnotežu među pojedincima,

especially in relationships where safety, care, and trust

pogotovo u odnosima gde bi sigurnost, briga i poverenje

are supposed to be guaranteed,

trebalo da budu garantovani,

like the relationship between a caregiver and a child,

kao što su odnos između staratelja i deteta,

healthcare provider and patient, teacher and student, or intimate partners.

medicinskog radnika i pacijenta, profesora i učenika ili intimnih partnera.

It’s especially insidious because it often makes people doubt

Posebno je podmuklo jer neretko čini da ljudi sumnjaju

their perceptions of their own mistreatment.

u sopstveno viđenje maltretiranja koje doživljavaju.

So let’s walk through some of the most common signs of emotional abuse,

Stoga, prođimo kroz najučestalije znake psihičkog nasilja,

to make these behaviors and patterns easier to spot in real life.

da učinimo ova ponašanja i obrasce vidljivijim u stvarnom životu.

First, the content of someone’s words:

Prvo, sadržina nečijih reči:

criticism that’s out of proportion to a situation,

kritikovanje koje je neproporcionalno situaciji,

excessively harsh or personal, or makes sweeping generalizations

pregrubo ili lično, ili pak stvara široku generalizaciju

or baseless negative predictions for the future

i neosnovana negativna predviđanja za budućnost

is a warning sign of emotional abuse.

je naznaka psihičkog nasilja.

Statements like, “You always make such stupid decisions,”

Izjave kao što su: „Uvek donosiš tako glupe odluke,”

“You never do anything right,” and “Nobody else will ever love you,”

„Nikad ništa ne uradiš kako treba” i „Niko drugi te neće voleti”

aren’t constructive; they’re never warranted,

nisu konstruktivne; nikad nisu zaslužene

and someone’s use of them is a red flag.

i njihova upotreba je znak opasnosti.

Second, tone and non-verbal cues:

Drugo, ton i neverbalni znaci:

yelling, ignoring and showing contempt through body language are all ways

dranje, ignorisanje i pokazivanje prezira govorom tela su sve načini

to degrade someone.

da se neko degradira.

Dismissive behaviors like eye rolling, glaring, or refusal to make eye contact,

Nipodaštavanje poput kolutanja očima, mrštenja ili izbegavanja pogleda,

along with refusing to speak to someone or acknowledge their presence—

zajedno sa ignorisanjem nekoga i njegovog prisustva—

sometimes called “the silent treatment”—

ponekad zvani „tihim tretmanom”—

can all feature in patterns of emotional abuse.

su sve osobine unutar obrasca ponašanja psihičkog nasilja.

These behaviors can painfully transform

Ovo ponašanje može bolno promeniti

the meaning of spoken statements that might otherwise seem benign.

značenje verbalnih izjava koje bi inače delovale blago.

Third, how someone reacts to being told they’ve said

Treće, način na koji neko reaguje kad mu je rečeno da je izjavio

or done something hurtful can give important insight:

ili uradio nešto uvredljivo je dobar pokazatelj:

do they apologize sincerely and act differently in the future,

da li se iskreno izvinio i promenio ponašanje u budućnosti,

or do they dismiss and minimize the pain they’ve caused?

ili odbacuje i umanjuje bol koji je naneo?

It’s common for abusers to try to undermine

Nasilnici neretko pokušavaju da ospore

their target’s perceptions of events—

doživljaj njihove žrtve—

this is sometimes referred to as “gaslighting.”

to se nekad naziva i „pravljenje ludim.”

Following up demeaning, humiliating, or threatening remarks

Nakon omalovažavajućih, ponižavajućih ili pretećih primedbi

with comments that dismiss the impact of those remarks,

uz komentare koji osporavaju značaj tih primedbi,

like “I’m just trying to help you improve yourself— you should be grateful,”

kao što su: „Samo ti pomažem da budeš bolji— treba da si mi zahvalan,”

or “It’s really you that’s selfish and manipulative— you’re hurting me,”

ili „Ti si taj ko je sebičan i manipulativan— ti povređuješ mene,”

are examples of this behavior.

su primeri ovog ponašanja.

Lastly, when someone directs any of these behaviors at you,

Konačno, kada se neko na sličan način ponaša prema vama,

take note of whether this is part of a pattern of behavior from them.

pripazite da li je to deo njihovog obrasca ponašanja.

A one-time incident of name-calling or a demeaning insult

Jednokratni incident ruganja ili ponižavajućih uvreda

might not be emotional abuse,

možda i nije psihičko nasilje,

while repetition over time can have a much more serious impact.

dok ponavljanje takvog ponašanja može imati veći uticaj.

Both frequency, how often these behaviors occur in a given period of time,

I učestalost, koliko često se ovo ponašanje dogodi tokom vremena,

and duration, or how long they last, whether days or years,

i trajanje, koliko dugo se odvija, da li danima ili godinama,

can contribute to the severity of the abuse.

mogu doprineti ozbiljnosti zlostavljanja.

It’s also important to remember that abusers rarely engage

Takođe, bitno je zapamtiti da nasilnici retko vrše

in abusive behaviors 100% of the time—

nasilničko ponašanje sve vreme—

moments of kindness or calm don’t invalidate moments of abuse,

momenti ljubaznosti ili smirenosti ne poništavaju momente nasilja,

but are actually part of the cycle of emotional manipulation.

već su deo ciklusa emotivne manipulacije.

So what can you do if you think you or someone you care about

Dakle, šta činiti ako smatrate da vi ili neko vama blizak

is experiencing emotional abuse?

proživljava psihičko nasilje?

Maintaining interpersonal ties with people other than the abuser is crucial,

Održavanje ličnih odnosa sa ljudima van nasilnikovog kruga je ključno,

as abusers often try to isolate their targets from others close to them.

jer nasilnici često pokušavaju da izoluju žrtve dalje od bliskih ljudi.

If you think you might be experiencing emotional abuse,

Ako mislite da proživljavate psihičko nasilje,

consider sharing your experiences with a trusted friend or relative

razmislite o tome da se poverite prijatelju ili rodbini od poverenja

to get outside support.

da bi dobili spoljnu podršku.

Or you can seek local or national confidential advocacy centers

Ili možete naći lokalne ili nacionalne centre za žrtve nasilja

that can provide helpful resources.

koji mogu pružiti korisne resurse.

And if you think someone you know is being emotionally abused,

A ako mislite da je neko koga znate žrtva psihičkog nasilja,

check in with them.

čujte se sa njima.

Let them know you’re thinking of them

Dajte im do znanja da mislite na njih

and that you're ready to listen whenever they'd like to share.

kao i da ste spremni da ih saslušate kad požele da se otvore.

While emotional abusers may convince people that they deserve to be mistreated,

Iako psihički nasilnici možda ubeđuju ljude da zaslužuju takvo ponašanje,

nobody does: everyone deserves kindness and respect.

niko ne zaslužuje: svi zaslužuju ljubaznost i poštovanje.