4 signs of emotional abuse - Viann Nguyen-Feng

譯者: Camila Lin 審譯者: Helen Chang

Emotional abuse can be incredibly damaging,

情緒虐待能造成超乎預期的傷害，

increasing a person’s chances of developing depression and anxiety

它會提高罹患憂鬱症和焦慮的機率，

sometimes for decades after the fact.

有時影響還會持續數十年。

Broadly speaking, emotional abuse involves one person controlling another

一般來說，情緒虐待 意味著施虐者控制受虐者，

by undermining their sense of self-worth and personal agency.

手段則有剝奪自我價值與個人動因等。

But emotionally abusive behaviors can be subtle and difficult to spot,

但情緒虐待行為 有時相當隱晦，幾乎難以察覺，

both from within and outside the abusive relationship.

不管是受虐者還是旁觀者， 都常常沒發現其存在。

That’s partly because emotional abuse often exploits

其中一個原因是，情緒虐待常常利用

or creates power imbalances between individuals,

或使兩人處於權力不對等的狀態。

especially in relationships where safety, care, and trust

在那些理應保證安全、

關懷和信任的關係中尤其如此：

are supposed to be guaranteed,

like the relationship between a caregiver and a child,

像是照顧者和小孩、

healthcare provider and patient, teacher and student, or intimate partners.

健康照護提供者和病人、 師生或是親密伴侶。

It’s especially insidious because it often makes people doubt

情緒虐待之所以能 持續暗中傷害我們，

是因為受虐者常常會懷疑自己 看待這些行為的態度。

their perceptions of their own mistreatment.

So let’s walk through some of the most common signs of emotional abuse,

讓我們來看看最常見的情緒虐待徵兆，

to make these behaviors and patterns easier to spot in real life.

就能更容易在生活中 意識到這些行為和模式。

First, the content of someone’s words:

首先，我們來看看這些話語：

criticism that’s out of proportion to a situation,

和事情不成比例的批評、

excessively harsh or personal, or makes sweeping generalizations

過度的嚴厲、對人不對事、簡化推論，

or baseless negative predictions for the future

或是對未來毫無根據的負面預測，

is a warning sign of emotional abuse.

都是情緒虐待的警訊。

Statements like, “You always make such stupid decisions,”

像是「你總是做出這種蠢決定」、

“You never do anything right,” and “Nobody else will ever love you,”

「你連一件事都做不好」、 「不可能有其他人會愛你」，

aren’t constructive; they’re never warranted,

這些話既沒有建設性，也沒有真實性。

and someone’s use of them is a red flag.

如果有人對你說這種話， 那就是個警訊。

Second, tone and non-verbal cues:

接著，來看看語氣和非語言線索。

yelling, ignoring and showing contempt through body language are all ways

吼叫、無視、帶著輕蔑的肢體動作，

都是貶低他人的方法。

to degrade someone.

Dismissive behaviors like eye rolling, glaring, or refusal to make eye contact,

翻白眼、怒瞪、拒絕眼神接觸、

along with refusing to speak to someone or acknowledge their presence—

拒絕和某人說話，或是直接無視他們，

sometimes called “the silent treatment”—

有時也被稱作「冷處理」，

can all feature in patterns of emotional abuse.

完全符合情緒虐待的模式特點。

These behaviors can painfully transform

和那些說出口的話語相比，

the meaning of spoken statements that might otherwise seem benign.

受虐者可能甚至會以為 這些行為帶著溫柔或善意。

Third, how someone reacts to being told they’ve said

第三，觀察他們發現自己的話 或舉動讓人受傷後的反應。

or done something hurtful can give important insight:

這能讓你真正判別情緒虐待。

do they apologize sincerely and act differently in the future,

他們是誠懇道歉，並從此改變行為，

or do they dismiss and minimize the pain they’ve caused?

還是駁回指控、淡化自己造成的傷害？

It’s common for abusers to try to undermine

虐待者時常試圖削弱

their target’s perceptions of events—

受虐者對事件的看法。

this is sometimes referred to as “gaslighting.”

這有時也被稱為「煤氣燈效應」。

Following up demeaning, humiliating, or threatening remarks

隨貶低、侮辱或是威脅性語言而來的，

with comments that dismiss the impact of those remarks,

是淡化這些話語傷害的意見，

like “I’m just trying to help you improve yourself— you should be grateful,”

像是「我只是在努力幫你變得更好， 你應該要感謝我吧」

or “It’s really you that’s selfish and manipulative— you’re hurting me,”

或是「你才是自私又操弄的那個， 你傷害到我了」。

are examples of this behavior.

都是煤氣燈效應的好例子。

Lastly, when someone directs any of these behaviors at you,

最後，當某人做出上述三種行為時，

take note of whether this is part of a pattern of behavior from them.

注意這是不是他們的行為模式。

A one-time incident of name-calling or a demeaning insult

一次怒吼你的名字， 或是一次貶低你的侮辱，

might not be emotional abuse,

可能不算是情緒虐待，

while repetition over time can have a much more serious impact.

但如果這樣反覆下去， 可能會造成更嚴重的影響。

Both frequency, how often these behaviors occur in a given period of time,

頻率（在某時期內有多常發生？）

and duration, or how long they last, whether days or years,

和時長（它們持續多久？ 幾天或幾年？）

can contribute to the severity of the abuse.

都會影響情緒虐待的嚴重性。

It’s also important to remember that abusers rarely engage

記得這件事也很重要：

幾乎沒有施虐者持續單純虐待受虐者，

in abusive behaviors 100% of the time—

moments of kindness or calm don’t invalidate moments of abuse,

而且溫情或冷靜的舉動， 無法和虐待行為相抵銷，

but are actually part of the cycle of emotional manipulation.

它們只是情緒操弄循環的一部分。

So what can you do if you think you or someone you care about

如果你覺得自己或重視的他人

is experiencing emotional abuse?

正遭受情緒虐待，應該怎麼辦？

Maintaining interpersonal ties with people other than the abuser is crucial,

讓受虐者擁有除施虐者 以外的人際交流非常重要，

as abusers often try to isolate their targets from others close to them.

因為虐待者常常試著孤立受虐者， 阻礙他們和親密的人連結。

If you think you might be experiencing emotional abuse,

如果你覺得自己可能正受到情緒虐待，

consider sharing your experiences with a trusted friend or relative

想想是否該向可信任的親友說出經驗，

to get outside support.

獲得來自外界的支持。

Or you can seek local or national confidential advocacy centers

或者你也可以到當地或國家機密倡導中心，

that can provide helpful resources.

尋求他們提供的有益資源。

And if you think someone you know is being emotionally abused,

如果你覺得你認識的人受到情緒虐待，

check in with them.

就去了解他們的情況。

Let them know you’re thinking of them

讓他們知道， 你心裡有他們的一席之地，

and that you're ready to listen whenever they'd like to share.

而且準備好聆聽他們想分享的一切。

While emotional abusers may convince people that they deserve to be mistreated,

雖然施虐者可能會讓受虐者 認為他們活該被虐待，

nobody does: everyone deserves kindness and respect.

但真相是：每個人都值得溫柔和尊重。