4 signs of emotional abuse - Viann Nguyen-Feng

764,431 views ใƒป 2022-03-17

TED-Ed


์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Minhyoung Hong ๊ฒ€ํ† : DK Kim
00:10
Emotional abuse can be incredibly damaging,
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์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๋Š” ์œ„ํ—˜ํ•œ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ์ดˆ๋ž˜ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:12
increasing a personโ€™s chances of developing depression and anxiety
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์šฐ์šธ์ฆ๊ณผ ๋ถˆ์•ˆ๊ฐ์— ์‹œ๋‹ฌ๋ฆด ํ™•๋ฅ ์ด ๋†’์•„์งˆ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์œผ๋ฉฐ
00:16
sometimes for decades after the fact.
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๊ทธ ํ›„๋กœ ์ˆ˜์‹ญ ๋…„๊ฐ„ ๊ณ ํ†ต์„ ๋ฐ›๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:19
Broadly speaking, emotional abuse involves one person controlling another
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๋„“๊ฒŒ ๋ณด๋ฉด ์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๋Š” ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ํ†ต์ œํ•˜๋Š” ํ–‰์œ„์ธ๋ฐ
00:24
by undermining their sense of self-worth and personal agency.
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์ด๋“ค์€ ๊ฐœ์ธ์˜ ์ž์กด๊ฐ๊ณผ ์ฃผ์ฒด์„ฑ์„ ํ›ผ์†ํ•ด ํƒ€์ธ์„ ํ†ต์ œํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:28
But emotionally abusive behaviors can be subtle and difficult to spot,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๋Š” ์•Œ์•„์ฑ„๊ธฐ ์–ด๋ ต๊ณ  ๋ฐœ๊ฒฌํ•˜๊ธฐ ์‰ฝ์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:32
both from within and outside the abusive relationship.
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ํ•™๋Œ€ ๊ด€๊ณ„์˜ ๋‹น์‚ฌ์ž๋“  ์™ธ๋ถ€์ธ์ด๋“  ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
00:37
Thatโ€™s partly because emotional abuse often exploits
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์ด๋Š” ๊ฐœ์ธ ๊ฐ„ ๊ด€๊ณ„ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:40
or creates power imbalances between individuals,
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๊ด€๊ณ„ ๊ฐ„ ํž˜์˜ ๋ถˆ๊ท ํ˜•์ด ์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๋ฅผ ์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๋Š”๋ฐ์š”.
00:43
especially in relationships where safety, care, and trust
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ํŠนํžˆ ์•ˆ์ •๊ฐ, ๋ณด์‚ดํ•Œ, ์‹ ๋ขฐ๊ฐ€ ๋ณด์žฅ๋˜์–ด์•ผ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ด€๊ณ„์—์„œ
00:47
are supposed to be guaranteed,
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์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๊ฐ€ ์ผ์–ด๋‚ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:50
like the relationship between a caregiver and a child,
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๋Œ€ํ‘œ์ ์ธ ์˜ˆ๋กœ ๋ณดํ˜ธ์ž์™€ ์•„์ด,
00:53
healthcare provider and patient, teacher and student, or intimate partners.
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์˜๋ฃŒ์ง„๊ณผ ํ™˜์ž, ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๊ณผ ์ œ์ž ๋˜๋Š” ์—ฐ์ธ ๋“ฑ์„ ๋“ค ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:58
Itโ€™s especially insidious because it often makes people doubt
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์ด๋Ÿฌํ•œ ๊ด€๊ณ„์—์„œ ํ”ผํ•ด์ž๋“ค์€ ํ”ผํ•ด ์‚ฌ์‹ค์„
01:01
their perceptions of their own mistreatment.
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๋ช…ํ™•ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ธ์ง€ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์–ด๋ ต์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:04
So letโ€™s walk through some of the most common signs of emotional abuse,
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์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€์˜ ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ผ๋ฐ˜์ ์ธ ์ง•์กฐ๋“ค์„ ํ•จ๊ป˜ ์‚ดํŽด๋ณด๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:08
to make these behaviors and patterns easier to spot in real life.
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๊ทธ ํ–‰๋™๊ณผ ์–‘์ƒ์„ ์•Œ๋ฉด ์ผ์ƒ์—์„œ ์‰ฝ๊ฒŒ ์•Œ์•„์ฑŒ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ฒ ์ฃ ?
01:13
First, the content of someoneโ€™s words:
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์ฒซ์งธ, ๋ง์˜ ๋‚ด์šฉ์— ์œ ์˜ํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
01:17
criticism thatโ€™s out of proportion to a situation,
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์ƒํ™ฉ์— ๋งž์ง€ ์•Š์€ ๋น„ํŒ,
01:19
excessively harsh or personal, or makes sweeping generalizations
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๋งค์šฐ ๊ฐ€ํ˜นํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๊ฐœ์ธ์ ์ธ ๋‚ด์šฉ, ์ง€๋‚˜์นœ ์ผ๋ฐ˜ํ™” ๋˜๋Š”
01:23
or baseless negative predictions for the future
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๊ทผ๊ฑฐ ์—†๋Š” ๋ถ€์ •์ ์ธ ์˜ˆ์ธก ๋“ฑ์ด
01:26
is a warning sign of emotional abuse.
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์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€์˜ ์ง•์กฐ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:29
Statements like, โ€œYou always make such stupid decisions,โ€
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โ€œ๋„Œ ํ•ญ์ƒ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ์ฒญํ•œ ์ง“๋งŒ ํ•˜๋”๋ผ.โ€
01:34
โ€œYou never do anything right,โ€ and โ€œNobody else will ever love you,โ€
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โ€œ๋ญ ํ•˜๋‚˜ ์ž˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ์—†์–ด.โ€œ
โ€œ๋„ˆ ๊ฐ™์€ ๊ฑธ ๋ˆ„๊ฐ€ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๊ฒ ์–ด.โ€
01:38
arenโ€™t constructive; theyโ€™re never warranted,
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๊ฑด์„ค์ ์ด์ง€ ์•Š๊ณ  ์ •๋‹นํ™”ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:40
and someoneโ€™s use of them is a red flag.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ๋ง์„ ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์„ ์กฐ์‹ฌํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
01:43
Second, tone and non-verbal cues:
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๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ์–ด์กฐ์™€ ๋น„์–ธ์–ด์  ์‹ ํ˜ธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:47
yelling, ignoring and showing contempt through body language are all ways
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์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ง€๋ฅด๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋ฌด์‹œํ•˜๊ธฐ, ๋ชธ์ง“์œผ๋กœ ๊ฒฝ๋ฉธ์„ ๋‚˜ํƒ€๋‚ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€
์ „๋ถ€ ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์„ ์–•๋ณด๋Š” ํ–‰์œ„์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:51
to degrade someone.
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01:53
Dismissive behaviors like eye rolling, glaring, or refusal to make eye contact,
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์‹œ์„ ์„ ๋Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ๋šซ์–ด์ง€๊ฒŒ ์ณ๋‹ค๋ณด๊ธฐ, ๋ˆˆ ํ”ผํ•˜๊ธฐ ๋“ฑ ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฅผ ๋ฌด์‹œํ•˜๋Š” ํ–‰๋™๊ณผ
01:58
along with refusing to speak to someone or acknowledge their presenceโ€”
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๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ๊บผ๋ฆฌ๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ์—†๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋Œ€ํ•˜๋Š”
02:01
sometimes called โ€œthe silent treatmentโ€โ€”
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์ผ๋ช… โ€˜ํˆฌ๋ช… ์ธ๊ฐ„โ€™ ์ทจ๊ธ‰์€
02:03
can all feature in patterns of emotional abuse.
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๋ชจ๋‘ ์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€์˜ ์–‘์ƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:07
These behaviors can painfully transform
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์ž์นซ ์ƒ๋ƒฅํ•ด ๋ณด์ด๋Š” ๋ง๋„
02:09
the meaning of spoken statements that might otherwise seem benign.
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์ด๋Ÿฌํ•œ ํ–‰๋™์ด ๋™๋ฐ˜๋˜๋ฉด ์ƒ์ฒ˜๋ฅผ ์ค„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:14
Third, how someone reacts to being told theyโ€™ve said
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์…‹์งธ, ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์˜ ๋ง์ด๋‚˜ ํ–‰๋™์— ์ƒ์ฒ˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ–ˆ์„ ๋•Œ์˜
02:17
or done something hurtful can give important insight:
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๋ฐ˜์‘์—์„œ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ๋‹จ์„œ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:21
do they apologize sincerely and act differently in the future,
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๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์ง„์‹ฌ์œผ๋กœ ์‚ฌ๊ณผํ•˜๊ณ  ์•ž์œผ๋กœ ๋‹ค๋ฅด๊ฒŒ ํ–‰๋™ํ•˜๋‚˜์š”?
02:26
or do they dismiss and minimize the pain theyโ€™ve caused?
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์•„๋‹ˆ๋ฉด ์ด๋ฅผ ๋ฌด์‹œํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ฐ€๋ณ๊ฒŒ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ๋‚˜์š”?
02:29
Itโ€™s common for abusers to try to undermine
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๊ฐ€ํ•ด์ž๋Š” ํ”ผํ•ด์ž๊ฐ€ ์ •์„œ์ ์œผ๋กœ ํ•™๋Œ€๋œ ์‚ฌ์‹ค์„
02:31
their targetโ€™s perceptions of eventsโ€”
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์ธ์‹ํ•˜์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“œ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ๊ฐ€ ๋งŽ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:34
this is sometimes referred to as โ€œgaslighting.โ€
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โ€˜๊ฐ€์Šค๋ผ์ดํŒ…โ€™์ด๋ผ๊ณ  ๋ถ€๋ฅด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:37
Following up demeaning, humiliating, or threatening remarks
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๊ทธ๋“ค์€ ๋ชจ์š•์ ์ด๊ณ  ๊ตด์š•์ ์ด๋ฉฐ ์œ„ํ˜‘์ ์ธ ๋ง์„ ๋ฑ‰์œผ๋ฉฐ
02:40
with comments that dismiss the impact of those remarks,
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์ด๋ฅผ ํฌ์žฅํ•˜๋Š” ๋ง๋„ ๋ง๋ถ™์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:43
like โ€œIโ€™m just trying to help you improve yourselfโ€” you should be grateful,โ€
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โ€œ๋„ˆ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ด์„œ ํ•ด์ฃผ๋Š” ๋ง์ด์•ผ. ๊ณ ๋งˆ์šด ์ค„ ์•Œ์•„.โ€
02:48
or โ€œItโ€™s really you thatโ€™s selfish and manipulativeโ€” youโ€™re hurting me,โ€
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โ€œ๋„ˆ ์ •๋ง ์ด๊ธฐ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๊ตํ™œํ•˜๊ตฌ๋‚˜. ๋‚˜ ์ƒ์ฒ˜๋ฐ›์•˜์–ดโ€œ
02:53
are examples of this behavior.
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๋“ฑ์ด ๊ทธ ์˜ˆ์‹œ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:56
Lastly, when someone directs any of these behaviors at you,
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๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰์œผ๋กœ, ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ํ–‰๋™๋“ค์„ ๋ณด์ธ๋‹ค๋ฉด
02:59
take note of whether this is part of a pattern of behavior from them.
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๊ทธ ํ–‰๋™์ด ๋ฐ˜๋ณต๋˜๋Š”์ง€ ์ ์–ด๋‘์„ธ์š”.
03:03
A one-time incident of name-calling or a demeaning insult
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์š•์„ค์ด๋‚˜ ๋ชจ์š•์ ์ธ ๋ง์ด ์ผํšŒ์„ฑ์ด๋ผ๋ฉด
03:06
might not be emotional abuse,
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์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:08
while repetition over time can have a much more serious impact.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ง€์†์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ˜๋ณต๋œ๋‹ค๋ฉด ์‹ฌ๊ฐํ•œ ์˜ํ–ฅ์„ ๋ฏธ์น  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:13
Both frequency, how often these behaviors occur in a given period of time,
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์ผ์ • ๊ธฐ๊ฐ„์— ์ด๋Ÿฐ ํ–‰๋™์ด ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ์ž์ฃผ ์ผ์–ด๋‚˜๊ณ ,
03:17
and duration, or how long they last, whether days or years,
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๋ฉฐ์น  ๋˜๋Š” ๋ช‡ ๋…„์ด๋‚˜ ์ง€์†๋˜๋Š”์ง€ ์ฆ‰, ๋นˆ๋„์™€ ์ง€์† ๊ธฐ๊ฐ„์ด
03:21
can contribute to the severity of the abuse.
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ํ•™๋Œ€์˜ ์‹ฌ๊ฐ์„ฑ์„ ๊ฒฐ์ •ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:24
Itโ€™s also important to remember that abusers rarely engage
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๋˜ํ•œ, ๊ธฐ์–ตํ•ด์•ผ ํ•  ๊ฒƒ์€
๊ฐ€ํ•ด์ž๊ฐ€ ๋งค๋ฒˆ ์ด๋Ÿฐ ํ–‰๋™์„ ๋ณด์ด์ง€๋Š” ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:27
in abusive behaviors 100% of the timeโ€”
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03:30
moments of kindness or calm donโ€™t invalidate moments of abuse,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ, ์ƒ๋ƒฅํ•˜๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ์ฐจ๋ถ„ํ•œ ํ–‰๋™์ด ํ•™๋Œ€ ์‚ฌ์‹ค์„ ์ง€์šฐ์ง„ ๋ชปํ•˜๋ฉฐ
03:34
but are actually part of the cycle of emotional manipulation.
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์‚ฌ์‹ค ์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ์‹ฌ๋ฆฌ ์กฐ์ข… ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์˜ ์ผ๋ถ€์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:38
So what can you do if you think you or someone you care about
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๊ทธ๋ ‡๋‹ค๋ฉด ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„ ํ˜น์€ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ์•„๋ผ๋Š” ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€
03:42
is experiencing emotional abuse?
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์ •์„œ์ ์œผ๋กœ ํ•™๋Œ€๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๋ฉด ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์•ผ ํ• ๊นŒ์š”?
03:44
Maintaining interpersonal ties with people other than the abuser is crucial,
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๊ฐ€ํ•ด์ž ์™ธ์˜ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๊ณผ ๊ด€๊ณ„๋ฅผ ์œ ์ง€ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ค‘์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:49
as abusers often try to isolate their targets from others close to them.
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ํ”ํžˆ ๊ฐ€ํ•ด์ž๋Š” ๊ฐ€๊นŒ์šด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๋กœ๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ํ”ผํ•ด์ž๋ฅผ ๊ณ ๋ฆฝ์‹œํ‚ค๋ ค๊ณ  ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:53
If you think you might be experiencing emotional abuse,
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๋งŒ์•ฝ ์ž์‹ ์ด ์ •์„œ์ ์œผ๋กœ ํ•™๋Œ€๋ฐ›๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์˜์‹ฌ๋œ๋‹ค๋ฉด
03:56
consider sharing your experiences with a trusted friend or relative
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๋ฏฟ์„ ๋งŒํ•œ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋‚˜ ๊ฐ€์กฑ์—๊ฒŒ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๊ณ 
04:00
to get outside support.
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์™ธ๋ถ€ ๋„์›€์„ ๋ฐ›์œผ์„ธ์š”.
04:02
Or you can seek local or national confidential advocacy centers
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ํ˜น์€ ์ง€์ž์ฒด ๋˜๋Š” ๊ตญ๊ฐ€์˜ ์ง€์› ์„ผํ„ฐ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์•„
04:06
that can provide helpful resources.
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ํ•„์š”ํ•œ ๋„์›€์„ ๋ฐ›์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:09
And if you think someone you know is being emotionally abused,
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์ •์„œ ํ•™๋Œ€๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์˜์‹ฌ๋˜๋Š” ์ง€์ธ์ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๋ฉด ์—ฐ๋ฝํ•ด ๋ณด์„ธ์š”.
04:12
check in with them.
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04:13
Let them know youโ€™re thinking of them
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์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„์ด ๊ณ์— ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๊ณผ
04:15
and that you're ready to listen whenever they'd like to share.
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์–ธ์ œ๋“  ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์„ ์ค€๋น„๊ฐ€ ๋˜์–ด ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์•Œ๋ ค์ฃผ์„ธ์š”.
04:18
While emotional abusers may convince people that they deserve to be mistreated,
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๊ฐ€ํ•ด์ž๋“ค์€ ํ”ผํ•ด์ž๋“ค์ด ํ•™๋Œ€๋ฐ›๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋‹น์—ฐํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ฃผ์žฅํ•˜๊ฒ ์ง€๋งŒ
04:23
nobody does: everyone deserves kindness and respect.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์€ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
๋ชจ๋‘ ์กด์ค‘๋ฐ›์•„ ๋งˆ๋•…ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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