To raise brave girls, encourage adventure | Caroline Paul

譯者: Yu-ting Sun 審譯者: Wilde Luo

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records,

我小的時候曾著迷於金氏世界紀錄，

and I really wanted to set a world record myself.

而且我非常希望 能夠創一個世界紀錄，

But there was just one small problem:

但有個小問題：

I had absolutely no talent.

我沒有任何才能。

So I decided to set a world record in something

所以我決定創一個

that demanded absolutely no skill at all.

不需要任何技巧的世界紀錄。

I decided to set a world record

我決定挑戰：

in crawling.

爬行。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, the record at the time was 12 and a half miles,

當時爬行的紀錄是 20.1 公里，

and for some reason, this seemed totally manageable.

不知為何， 我覺得自己完全可以達成。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I recruited my friend Anne,

我約了我的朋友：安，

and together we decided, we didn't even need to train.

我們一致認為： 我們根本不需要什麽訓練。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And on the day of our record attempt,

在我們嘗試的那天，

we put furniture pads on the outside of our good luck jeans

我們將家具保護墊貼在牛仔褲外

and we set off,

就出發了，

and right away, we were in trouble,

然而我們馬上就遇到困難，

because the denim was against our skin

因為牛仔褲緊貼著皮膚，

and it began to chafe,

造成了擦傷，

不久後我們的膝蓋就被磨爛了。

and soon our knees were being chewed up.

Hours in,

幾小時後，

it began to rain.

開始下雨了。

Then, Anne dropped out.

安，她放棄了。

Then, it got dark.

然後，天也黑了。

Now, by now, my knees were bleeding through my jeans,

我的牛仔褲沾滿了 膝蓋摩擦所流出的血，

and I was hallucinating from the cold

當時的低溫、疼痛、單調的動作，

and the pain and the monotony.

讓我神遊到不知道魂跑去哪了。

And to give you an idea of the suffer-fest that I was undergoing,

讓我再說明一下當時承受的痛苦，

the first lap around the high school track took 10 minutes.

繞着高中操場的第一圈， 只花了我 10 分鐘。

The last lap took almost 30.

而最後一圈花了我快 30 分鐘。

After 12 hours of crawling,

就在爬了 12 小時後，

I stopped,

我停下了，

and I had gone eight and a half miles.

結果我只爬了 13.68 公里。

So I was short of the 12-and-a-half-mile record.

總計下來還差 6.44 公里 才能達到紀錄。

Now, for many years, I thought this was a story of abject failure,

有很多年，我一直認為 這是嚴重失敗的經驗，

but today I see it differently,

但現在，我不這麼認為，

because when I was attempting the world record,

因為當我嘗試挑戰金氏世界紀錄時，

I was doing three things.

我同時也在做三件事。

I was getting outside my comfort zone,

我在離開我的舒適圈，

I was calling upon my resilience,

我在挑戰我的韌性，

and I was finding confidence in myself

我在找尋自信，不管是對自己

and my own decisions.

還是對我下的決定。

I didn't know it then,

我當時還不了解，

but those are not the attributes of failure.

那些並不是失敗。

Those are the attributes of bravery.

而是勇氣的象徵。

Now, in 1989, at the age of 26,

1989 年，我 26 歲，

I became a San Francisco firefighter,

我在舊金山當消防員，

and I was the 15th woman in a department of 1,500 men.

在有 1500 個男人的消防局裡， 我是第 15 位女性。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And as you can imagine, when I arrived

你能想像，我到職的時候，

there were many doubts about whether we could do the job.

有很多人懷疑我們能不能勝任。

So even though I was a 5'10", 150-pound collegiate rower,

即使我 178 公分高，68 公斤重， 在大學時擔任划船手，

and someone who could endure 12 hours of searing knee pain --

又能夠承受 12 小時的膝蓋疼痛——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I knew I still had to prove my strength and fitness.

我知道，我還是得證明自己的能力。

So one day a call came in for a fire,

有一天有人通報火災，

and sure enough, when my engine group pulled up,

當然，我們抵達的時候，

there was black smoke billowing from a building off an alleyway.

在小巷裡，黑煙從大樓竄出。

And I was with a big guy named Skip,

我跟叫做史吉普的壯漢一起，

and he was on the nozzle, and I was right behind,

他握著噴水口，我站在後面，

and it was a typical sort of fire.

這是場普通的火災。

It was smoky, it was hot,

很多煙，很熱，

and all of a sudden,

但突然間，

there was an explosion,

爆炸了，

and Skip and I were blown backwards,

我跟史吉普被震得後退，

my mask was knocked sideways,

我的面罩被震偏了，

and there was this moment of confusion.

那時有一剎那的困惑。

And then I picked myself up,

但我重振精神，

I groped for the nozzle,

抓起水管，

and I did what a firefighter was supposed to do:

做了消防員應該做的事：

I lunged forward,

我往前衝，

opened up the water

打開水管，

and I tackled the fire myself.

獨自解決了這場火災。

The explosion had been caused by a water heater,

爆炸是由熱水器引發的，

so nobody was hurt, and ultimately it was not a big deal,

沒有人受傷， 最終也不是什麼大事件，

but later Skip came up to me and said,

但這之後，史吉普走向我，說了句：

"Nice job, Caroline,"

「卡洛琳，幹得不賴！」

in this surprised sort of voice.

他聲音帶著點驚訝。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I was confused, because the fire hadn't been difficult physically,

我覺得很困惑，因為 處理這場火災又不是特別困難，

so why was he looking at me with something like astonishment?

為什麼他會這樣驚訝地看著我呢？

And then it became clear:

接著我漸漸了解了：

Skip, who was by the way a really nice guy

史吉普，順帶一提他是個好人，

and an excellent firefighter,

是非常傑出的消防員，

not only thought that women could not be strong,

不只覺得女人不可能是強壯的，

he thought that they could not be brave either.

也覺得女人不可能是勇敢的。

And he wasn't the only one.

他不是唯一一個有這種想法的。

Friends, acquaintances and strangers,

朋友、熟人和陌生人，

men and women throughout my career

無論男女，他們在我的工作生涯中

ask me over and over,

都一直問我，

"Caroline, all that fire, all that danger,

「卡洛琳，你不覺得火啊， 像這種危險啊

aren't you scared?"

很可怕嗎？」

Honestly, I never heard a male firefighter asked this.

老實說，我從沒聽過 男性消防員被問這種問題。

And I became curious.

我開始覺得好奇。

Why wasn't bravery expected of women?

為什麼女人不被期待是勇敢的呢？

Now, the answer began to come

答案逐漸浮現，

when a friend of mine lamented to me

當我的朋友向我訴苦說，

that her young daughter was a big scaredy-cat,

他的女兒是超級膽小鬼，

and so I began to notice,

我發現，

and yes, the daughter was anxious,

沒錯，他女兒很焦慮，

but more than that, the parents were anxious.

但更糟的是，她的父母也都焦慮。

Most of what they said to her when she was outside began with,

女兒出門在外的時候， 他們最常用這幾句開頭：

"Be careful," "Watch out," or "No."

「小心」 「注意」 或是「不行」。

Now, my friends were not bad parents.

我的朋友並不是很糟的家長，

They were just doing what most parents do,

他們只是做了大部分家長會做的事，

which is cautioning their daughters much more than they caution their sons.

也就是比起兒子 他們對女兒更加小心。

There was a study involving a playground fire pole, ironically,

有個關於遊樂場消防桿的研究，

很諷刺的是，研究者發現，

in which researchers saw that little girls were very likely to be warned

小女孩常被自己的父母警告， 說消防桿是很危險的，

by both their moms and dads about the fire pole's risk,

and if the little girls still wanted to play on the fire pole,

如果小女孩還是想玩，

a parent was very likely to assist her.

她的父母有很高的機率會協助她。

But the little boys?

那男孩呢？

They were encouraged to play on the fire pole

他們通常是被鼓勵玩消防桿的，

despite any trepidations that they might have,

雖然可能還是會擔心不安，

and often the parents offered guidance on how to use it on their own.

父母通常會教小男生 怎麼自己玩消防桿。

So what message does this send to both boys and girls?

所以這告訴小孩怎樣的訊息呢？

Well, that girls are fragile and more in need of help,

女孩子是脆弱而且比較需要幫忙的，

and that boys can and should master difficult tasks by themselves.

男孩則是可以， 也必須自己處理難題。

It says that girls should be fearful

這是在說女孩應該要感到害怕，

and boys should be gutsy.

男孩應該要很勇敢。

Now, the irony is that at this young age,

諷刺的是在小時候，

girls and boys are actually very alike physically.

男孩女孩在生理上是非常相似的。

In fact, girls are often stronger until puberty,

事實上女孩直到 青春期前常是更強壯的，

and more mature.

也是更成熟的。

And yet we adults act

然而我們大人，

as if girls are more fragile

卻表現得好像女孩是更脆弱，

and more in need of help,

更需要幫助的，

and they can't handle as much.

而且不能應付跟男孩一樣多的事的。

This is the message that we absorb as kids,

這是我們在小時候就接收到的想法，

and this is the message that fully permeates as we grow up.

在我們長大的期間 越來越相信這個想法。

We women believe it, men believe it,

不論男女都這麼相信，

and guess what?

然後你看，

As we become parents, we pass it on to our children,

當我們成為家長， 我們將這個傳給小孩，

and so it goes.

就這樣一直下去。

Well, so now I had my answer.

我現在有了答案。

This is why women, even firewomen,

這就是為什麼女人， 甚至是女消防員，

were expected to be scared.

都被認為應感到害怕。

This is why women often are scared.

這也是為什麼女人常常感到害怕。

Now, I know some of you won't believe me when I tell you this,

我知道有些人不會相信我現在說的，

but I am not against fear.

但我並不是反對害怕這件事。

I know it's an important emotion, and it's there to keep us safe.

我知道這是重要的情緒， 也知道害怕是為了讓我們保持安全。

But the problem is when fear is the primary reaction

但問題是， 我們教導和鼓勵女孩們，

遇到在她們舒適圈外的事物時， 首先就應感到害怕。

that we teach and encourage in girls

whenever they face something outside their comfort zone.

So I was a paraglider pilot for many years --

我是多年的滑翔傘飛行員——

(Applause)

（掌聲）

and a paraglider is a parachute-like wing,

滑翔傘是像降落傘的翅膀，

and it does fly very well,

可以飛得很好，

but to many people I realize it looks just like a bedsheet

但我知道對很多人來說，

它就像有繩子繫著的床單而已。

with strings attached.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I spent a lot of time on mountaintops

我在山頂花很多時間，

inflating this bedsheet,

展開床單，

running off and flying.

起跑，然後飛行。

And I know what you're thinking.

我知道你在想什麼。

You're like, Caroline, a little fear would make sense here.

你想著，卡洛琳， 這時候覺得有點害怕是正常的。

And you're right, it does.

你說得對，的確很正常。

I assure you, I did feel fear.

我跟你保證，我真的感到害怕。

But on that mountaintop,

但站在山上，

waiting for the wind to come in just right,

當我等待順向的風颳起來的時候，

I felt so many other things, too:

我也感覺到很多其他東西：

exhilaration, confidence.

興奮和自信。

I knew I was a good pilot.

我知道我是好的飛行員。

I knew the conditions were good, or I wouldn't be there.

我知道當時狀況很好， 不然我就不會去了。

I knew how great it was going to be a thousand feet in the air.

我知道飛在幾千英尺的 高空中感覺多棒。

So yes, fear was there,

是的，我感到害怕，

but I would take a good hard look at it,

但我仔細地去分析它，

assess just how relevant it was

衡量害怕的相關性，

and then put it where it belonged,

然後就把它放在它該在的位置，

which was more often than not

而它通常被我的興奮、

behind my exhilaration, my anticipation

期待和自信壓過。

and my confidence.

所以我並不是反對害怕。

So I'm not against fear.

I'm just pro-bravery.

我只是更嚮往勇敢。

Now, I'm not saying your girls must be firefighters

我並不是要說女孩都得當消防員，

or that they should be paragliders,

或者都應該玩滑翔翼，

but I am saying that we are raising our girls to be timid, even helpless,

我是在說我們正在教導女孩 變得膽小甚至無助，

and it begins when we caution them against physical risk.

而這都開始於我們 警告她們可能會受傷。

The fear we learn and the experiences we don't

這種恐懼是我們學來 卻沒有經驗過的，

stay with us as we become women

而這一直跟著我們直到成人，

and morphs into all those things that we face and try to shed:

接著轉化成為那些我們遇到 而且嘗試擺脫的事，

our hesitation in speaking out,

例如：我們對發聲的遲疑，

our deference so that we can be liked

我們為了被喜歡而展現順從，

and our lack of confidence in our own decisions.

我們對自己的決定沒有自信。

So how do we become brave?

這樣我們要如何變得勇敢呢？

Well, here's the good news.

好消息是：

Bravery is learned,

勇敢是可以學習的，

and like anything learned,

就像所有可以被學習的東西一樣，

it just needs to be practiced.

只是需要練習罷了。

So first,

第一，

we have to take a deep breath

我們得先深呼吸，

and encourage our girls

鼓勵女孩，

to skateboard, climb trees

去溜滑板，爬樹，

and clamber around on that playground fire pole.

攀爬遊樂場的消防桿。

This is what my own mother did.

我母親就是這麼做的。

She didn't know it then,

那時候她並不知道，

but researchers have a name for this.

但研究人員對此有那麼一個說法。

They call it risky play,

他們說這是「風險策略」，

and studies show that risky play is really important for kids, all kids,

研究指出風險策略 對於所有孩子來說都是重要的，

because it teaches hazard assessment,

因為這教孩子們評估危險，

it teaches delayed gratification,

延遲享樂，

it teaches resilience,

韌性，

it teaches confidence.

和自信。

In other words,

換句話說，

when kids get outside and practice bravery,

當孩子們到外面練習勇敢的時候，

they learn valuable life lessons.

他們學到很珍貴的生命課程。

Second, we have to stop cautioning our girls willy-nilly.

第二，我們必須停止 慌張地不斷警告女孩。

So notice next time you say,

你得注意下一次你說，

"Watch out, you're going to get hurt,"

「小心，你會受傷」

or, "Don't do that, it's dangerous."

或 「別做這個，這很危險」，

And remember that often what you're really telling her

記住，你這麼說的時候 其實是在告訴她，

is that she shouldn't be pushing herself,

她不應該勉強自己，

that she's really not good enough,

她其實沒那麼優秀，

that she should be afraid.

她應該要感到害怕。

Third,

第三，

we women have to start practicing bravery, too.

我們身為女人，也要開始練習勇敢。

We cannot teach our girls until we teach ourselves.

教女孩之前我們得先教自己。

So here's another thing:

還有一點：

fear and exhilaration

害怕和興奮的感覺，

feel very similar --

是非常相似的——

the shaky hands, the heightened heart rate,

手會顫抖，心跳會變快，

the nervous tension,

緊張的情緒，

and I'm betting that for many of you

我敢打賭在座的很多人，

the last time you thought you were scared out of your wits,

上次你覺得自己被嚇壞的時候，

you may have been feeling mostly exhilaration,

其實，你大多是感到興奮，

and now you've missed an opportunity.

那你就錯過了一次練習勇敢的機會。

So practice.

開始練習吧。

And while girls should be getting outside to learn to be gutsy,

然而當女孩應該到外頭 學習變得勇敢的時候，

I get that adults don't want to get on hoverboards or climb trees,

我知道大人不想 踏上懸浮滑板或爬樹，

so we all should be practicing

所以我們都應該在家裡練習，

at home, in the office

或是在辦公室，

and even right here getting up the guts

甚至是這裡練習——

鼓起勇氣與你仰慕的人聊一聊。

to talk to someone that you really admire.

Finally, when your girl is, let's say,

最後，當你的女兒 在山頂的陡坡上騎車，

on her bike on the top of the steep hill

that she insists she's too scared to go down,

她說她不敢下去的時候，

guide her to access her bravery.

帶著她找到她的勇敢。

Ultimately, maybe that hill really is too steep,

最終，她可能會了解到 斜坡真的太陡了，

but she'll come to that conclusion through courage, not fear.

但是是透過自己的勇氣了解， 而不是透過害怕。

Because this is not about the steep hill in front of her.

因為這跟在她面前的陡坡沒有關係，

This is about the life ahead of her

而是跟她未來的人生有關。

and that she has the tools

而她有工具，

to handle and assess

可以掌控和衡量

all the dangers that we cannot protect her from,

所有我們不能為她免除的危險，

all the challenges that we won't be there to guide her through,

所有我們不能帶著她走過的挑戰，

everything that our girls here

所有在這裡的女孩，

and around the world

和世界上的其他女孩，

face in their future.

將面對的未來。

So by the way,

順帶一提，

the world record for crawling today --

直至今日，爬行的世界紀錄——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

is 35.18 miles,

是 56.62 公里，

and I would really love to see a girl go break that.

如果有個女孩打破這個紀錄， 我會很開心。

(Applause)

（掌聲）