To raise brave girls, encourage adventure | Caroline Paul

166,650 views ・ 2017-03-28

TED


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Translator: Intan Andini Reviewer: Made Pramana
Waktu kecil, saya terobsesi dengan Guinness Book of World Records,
dan saya sangat ingin membuat rekor dunia sendiri.
00:12
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with the Guinness Book of World Records,
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Tapi hanya ada satu masalah kecil:
Saya sama sekali tak punya bakat.
00:17
and I really wanted to set a world record myself.
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Jadi saya putuskan untuk membuat rekor dunia dalam hal
00:20
But there was just one small problem:
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yang sama sekali tak menuntut keterampilan.
00:23
I had absolutely no talent.
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Saya putuskan membuat rekor dunia
00:26
So I decided to set a world record in something
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dalam merangkak.
00:29
that demanded absolutely no skill at all.
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(Tawa)
00:33
I decided to set a world record
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Rekor pada saat itu adalah 12,5 mil,
00:36
in crawling.
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00:39
(Laughter)
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dan untuk beberapa alasan, itu tampak sangat mudah diraih.
00:42
Now, the record at the time was 12 and a half miles,
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(Tawa)
Saya merekrut teman saya, Anne,
00:47
and for some reason, this seemed totally manageable.
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dan bersama kami putuskan, kami bahkan tak perlu berlatih.
00:50
(Laughter)
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(Tawa)
00:54
I recruited my friend Anne,
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Di hari percobaan rekor kami,
00:55
and together we decided, we didn't even need to train.
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kami memakai bantalan furnitur di luar celana jin keberuntungan kami
00:59
(Laughter)
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dan kami berangkat,
01:02
And on the day of our record attempt,
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dan segera, kami dalam masalah,
01:04
we put furniture pads on the outside of our good luck jeans
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karena celana jin itu menggesek kulit kami
dan membuat lecet,
01:08
and we set off,
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lalu lutut kami terluka serasa digigit.
01:10
and right away, we were in trouble,
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Jam-jam berlalu,
01:13
because the denim was against our skin
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hujan turun.
01:15
and it began to chafe,
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01:17
and soon our knees were being chewed up.
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Lalu, Anne menyerah.
01:20
Hours in,
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Lalu, hari mulai gelap.
01:22
it began to rain.
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Sekarang, lutut saya berdarah membasahi celana jin
01:25
Then, Anne dropped out.
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dan saya berhalusinasi karena kedinginan,
01:29
Then, it got dark.
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rasa sakit dan aksi monoton itu.
01:32
Now, by now, my knees were bleeding through my jeans,
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Dan sebagai gambaran tentang pesta penderitaan yang saya alami,
01:35
and I was hallucinating from the cold
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putaran pertama di sekitar trek SMA memakan waktu 10 menit.
01:37
and the pain and the monotony.
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01:40
And to give you an idea of the suffer-fest that I was undergoing,
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Lap terakhir waktunya hampir 30 menit.
01:44
the first lap around the high school track took 10 minutes.
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Setelah 12 jam merangkak,
01:49
The last lap took almost 30.
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saya berhenti,
dan saya telah melewati 8,5 mil.
01:53
After 12 hours of crawling,
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Jadi saya kurang dari rekor 12,5 mil.
01:58
I stopped,
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01:59
and I had gone eight and a half miles.
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Kini, selama bertahun-tahun, saya rasa itu kisah kegagalan memalukan,
02:03
So I was short of the 12-and-a-half-mile record.
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tetapi hari ini saya melihatnya berbeda,
karena saat saya mencoba memecahkan rekor dunia,
02:07
Now, for many years, I thought this was a story of abject failure,
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saya melakukan tiga hal.
Saya keluar dari zona nyaman,
02:11
but today I see it differently,
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saya menyerukan ketahanan saya,
02:14
because when I was attempting the world record,
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dan saya menemukan kepercayaan diri
02:17
I was doing three things.
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dan keputusan saya sendiri.
02:18
I was getting outside my comfort zone,
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Saya tidak tahu saat itu
02:21
I was calling upon my resilience,
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tapi mereka bukan atribut kegagalan.
02:23
and I was finding confidence in myself
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Mereka ciri-ciri keberanian.
02:26
and my own decisions.
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02:28
I didn't know it then,
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Kini, di tahun 1989, pada usia 26 tahun,
02:29
but those are not the attributes of failure.
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saya menjadi pemadam kebakaran di San Francisco,
02:33
Those are the attributes of bravery.
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dan saya wanita ke-15 di departemen yang berisi 1.500 pria.
02:37
Now, in 1989, at the age of 26,
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(Tepuk tangan)
02:39
I became a San Francisco firefighter,
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02:42
and I was the 15th woman in a department of 1,500 men.
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Anda bayangkan, ketika saya tiba,
02:46
(Applause)
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banyak yang meragukan kami saat melakukan pekerjaan itu.
Meski saya atlet pendayung di kampus, tinggi sekitar 177 cm, berat 68 kg,
02:53
And as you can imagine, when I arrived
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02:54
there were many doubts about whether we could do the job.
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dan seseorang yang bisa menahan sakit lutut 12 jam --
02:57
So even though I was a 5'10", 150-pound collegiate rower,
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(Tawa)
saya masih harus membuktikan kekuatan dan kebugaran saya.
03:03
and someone who could endure 12 hours of searing knee pain --
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Suatu hari ada panggilan kebakaran,
dan saat kelompok mesin saya berhenti,
03:07
(Laughter)
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ada asap hitam mengepul dari sebuah bangunan dari sebuah gang.
03:09
I knew I still had to prove my strength and fitness.
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Saya bersama pria besar bernama Skip,
03:12
So one day a call came in for a fire,
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03:13
and sure enough, when my engine group pulled up,
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dan dia memegang pipa semprot, dan saya tepat di belakang,
03:16
there was black smoke billowing from a building off an alleyway.
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dan jenis apinya khas.
Apinya berasap, panas,
03:20
And I was with a big guy named Skip,
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03:22
and he was on the nozzle, and I was right behind,
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dan tiba-tiba,
terjadi ledakan,
03:25
and it was a typical sort of fire.
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lalu Skip dan saya terlempar ke belakang,
03:27
It was smoky, it was hot,
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topeng saya terlempar ke samping,
03:30
and all of a sudden,
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dan ada momen kebingungan ini.
03:32
there was an explosion,
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Kemudian saya bangun,
03:34
and Skip and I were blown backwards,
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meraba-raba pipa semprot,
03:36
my mask was knocked sideways,
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dan saya lakukan yang seharusnya dilakukan pemadam:
03:38
and there was this moment of confusion.
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03:40
And then I picked myself up,
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saya menerjang ke depan,
membuka air,
dan saya menangani apinya sendiri.
03:44
I groped for the nozzle,
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03:45
and I did what a firefighter was supposed to do:
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Ledakannya disebabkan oleh pemanas air,
03:48
I lunged forward,
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jadi tak ada yang terluka, dan itu bukan masalah besar,
03:50
opened up the water
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03:51
and I tackled the fire myself.
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tapi lalu Skip mendatangi saya dan berkata,
03:54
The explosion had been caused by a water heater,
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"Kerja bagus, Caroline,"
03:56
so nobody was hurt, and ultimately it was not a big deal,
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dengan suara terkejut begini.
(Tawa)
03:59
but later Skip came up to me and said,
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Dan saya bingung, karena apinya tidak sulit secara fisik,
04:02
"Nice job, Caroline,"
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04:04
in this surprised sort of voice.
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jadi mengapa dia menatap saya dengan heran?
04:06
(Laughter)
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04:09
And I was confused, because the fire hadn't been difficult physically,
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Kemudian jelaslah:
Skip, sebenarnya pria yang sangat baik
04:13
so why was he looking at me with something like astonishment?
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dan pemadam kebakaran hebat,
tidak hanya berpikir bahwa wanita tidak bisa menjadi kuat,
04:18
And then it became clear:
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04:19
Skip, who was by the way a really nice guy
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namun juga tak bisa jadi pemberani.
04:23
and an excellent firefighter,
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Dan dia bukan satu-satunya.
04:25
not only thought that women could not be strong,
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Teman, kenalan, dan orang asing,
04:28
he thought that they could not be brave either.
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pria dan wanita sepanjang karir saya
menanyai saya berulang kali,
04:32
And he wasn't the only one.
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“Caroline, semua api itu, semua bahaya itu,
04:35
Friends, acquaintances and strangers,
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apa kamu tidak takut?"
04:37
men and women throughout my career
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Saya tak pernah dengar pemadam kebakaran laki-laki ditanya itu.
04:39
ask me over and over,
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04:41
"Caroline, all that fire, all that danger,
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Dan saya jadi penasaran.
Mengapa keberanian tidak diharapkan dari wanita?
04:45
aren't you scared?"
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04:47
Honestly, I never heard a male firefighter asked this.
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Jawabannya mulai datang
04:50
And I became curious.
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saat teman saya mengeluh ke saya,
bahwa putri kecilnya penakut,
04:53
Why wasn't bravery expected of women?
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jadi saya mulai memerhatikan,
04:57
Now, the answer began to come
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dan ya, putrinya cemas,
04:59
when a friend of mine lamented to me
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tapi lebih dari itu, orang tuanya cemas.
05:01
that her young daughter was a big scaredy-cat,
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05:03
and so I began to notice,
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Kebanyakan yang diucapkan padanya saat dia di luar dimulai dengan,
05:05
and yes, the daughter was anxious,
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"Hati-hati," "Perhatikan," atau "Jangan."
05:08
but more than that, the parents were anxious.
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05:11
Most of what they said to her when she was outside began with,
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Teman-teman saya bukan orang tua yang buruk.
05:15
"Be careful," "Watch out," or "No."
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Mereka hanya melakukan yang kebanyakan orang tua lakukan,
yaitu memperingatkan anak perempuan lebih banyak dari anak laki-laki mereka.
05:20
Now, my friends were not bad parents.
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Ada penelitian yang melibatkan tiang api taman bermain, ironisnya,
05:23
They were just doing what most parents do,
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05:26
which is cautioning their daughters much more than they caution their sons.
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peneliti melihat bahwa gadis kecil kemungkinan besar akan diperingatkan
05:31
There was a study involving a playground fire pole, ironically,
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oleh ibu dan ayah mereka tentang risiko tiang api,
dan jika gadis-gadis kecil masih ingin bermain di tiang api,
05:36
in which researchers saw that little girls were very likely to be warned
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orang tua sangat mungkin membantunya.
05:40
by both their moms and dads about the fire pole's risk,
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Tapi anak laki-laki?
05:44
and if the little girls still wanted to play on the fire pole,
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Mereka didorong untuk bermain di tiang api
05:47
a parent was very likely to assist her.
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terlepas dari keraguan apa pun yang mungkin mereka miliki,
dan orang tua sering memberi panduan tentang cara menggunakannya sendiri.
05:51
But the little boys?
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05:52
They were encouraged to play on the fire pole
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05:55
despite any trepidations that they might have,
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Jadi pesan apa yang diberikan hal ini kepada anak laki-laki dan perempuan?
05:58
and often the parents offered guidance on how to use it on their own.
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Bahwa anak perempuan rapuh dan lebih membutuhkan bantuan,
06:05
So what message does this send to both boys and girls?
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dan anak laki-laki bisa dan seharusnya menguasai tugas-tugas sulit sendiri.
06:09
Well, that girls are fragile and more in need of help,
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Katanya anak perempuan harus takut
dan anak laki-laki harus berani.
06:13
and that boys can and should master difficult tasks by themselves.
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Ironisnya, di usia muda ini,
06:18
It says that girls should be fearful
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anak perempuan dan laki-laki mirip secara fisik.
06:21
and boys should be gutsy.
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Faktanya anak perempuan lebih kuat sampai pubertas,
06:24
Now, the irony is that at this young age,
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dan lebih dewasa.
Tapi kita orang dewasa bertindak
06:27
girls and boys are actually very alike physically.
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seolah perempuan lebih rapuh
06:30
In fact, girls are often stronger until puberty,
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dan lebih membutuhkan bantuan,
06:32
and more mature.
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serta tak bisa menangani banyak hal.
06:34
And yet we adults act
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Ini pesan yang kita serap sebagai anak-anak,
06:36
as if girls are more fragile
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dan ini pesan yang sepenuhnya meresap saat kita tumbuh dewasa.
06:38
and more in need of help,
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06:40
and they can't handle as much.
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Kami wanita percaya itu, para pria juga,
06:42
This is the message that we absorb as kids,
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dan coba tebak?
06:45
and this is the message that fully permeates as we grow up.
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Saat menjadi orang tua, kita mewariskannya pada anak-anak,
dan begitu seterusnya.
06:49
We women believe it, men believe it,
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Sekarang saya punya jawaban saya.
06:51
and guess what?
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Ini alasan wanita, bahkan pemadam kebakaran wanita,
06:53
As we become parents, we pass it on to our children,
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diharapkan takut.
06:56
and so it goes.
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Ini alasan wanita sering takut.
06:58
Well, so now I had my answer.
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07:01
This is why women, even firewomen,
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Saya tahu beberapa dari Anda tidak akan memercayai saya,
07:03
were expected to be scared.
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tapi saya tidak menentang rasa takut.
07:05
This is why women often are scared.
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Saya tahu itu emosi yang penting, dan ia ada untuk membuat kita tetap aman.
07:09
Now, I know some of you won't believe me when I tell you this,
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Tapi masalahnya adalah ketika rasa takut jadi reaksi utama
07:12
but I am not against fear.
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yang kita ajarkan dan dorong pada anak perempuan
07:16
I know it's an important emotion, and it's there to keep us safe.
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tiap kali mereka menghadapi sesuatu di luar zona nyamannya.
07:19
But the problem is when fear is the primary reaction
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Saya menjadi pilot paralayang selama bertahun-tahun --
07:23
that we teach and encourage in girls
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07:25
whenever they face something outside their comfort zone.
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(Tepuk tangan)
dan paralayang seperti sayap parasut,
07:29
So I was a paraglider pilot for many years --
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dan ia terbang sangat baik,
07:33
(Applause)
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meski banyak yang bilang bentuknya mirip seprai
07:35
and a paraglider is a parachute-like wing,
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yang dipasangi tali.
07:37
and it does fly very well,
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(Tawa)
Dan saya menghabiskan banyak waktu di puncak gunung
07:41
but to many people I realize it looks just like a bedsheet
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untuk menggembungkan seprai ini,
lari dan terbang.
07:44
with strings attached.
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07:46
(Laughter)
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Saya tahu yang Anda pikirkan.
07:47
And I spent a lot of time on mountaintops
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Anda pasti, Caroline, masuk akal sedikit takut di sini.
07:49
inflating this bedsheet,
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07:51
running off and flying.
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Dan Anda benar, itu menakutkan.
07:54
And I know what you're thinking.
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Saya yakinkan, saya memang merasa takut.
07:55
You're like, Caroline, a little fear would make sense here.
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Tapi di puncak gunung itu,
menunggu angin yang tepat datang,
08:00
And you're right, it does.
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saya juga merasakan banyak hal lain:
08:02
I assure you, I did feel fear.
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kegembiraan, kepercayaan diri.
08:05
But on that mountaintop,
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Saya tahu saya pilot yang baik.
08:06
waiting for the wind to come in just right,
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Saya tahu kondisinya baik, jika tidak saya tak berada di sana.
08:08
I felt so many other things, too:
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08:10
exhilaration, confidence.
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Saya tahu betapa hebatnya berada 1.000 kaki di udara.
08:13
I knew I was a good pilot.
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Jadi ya, rasa takut ada,
08:15
I knew the conditions were good, or I wouldn't be there.
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tapi saya akan memerhatikannya dengan baik,
08:18
I knew how great it was going to be a thousand feet in the air.
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menilai seberapa relevan itu
lalu meletakkannya di tempatnya,
08:22
So yes, fear was there,
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yang lebih seringnya
08:24
but I would take a good hard look at it,
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di belakang kegembiraan, antisipasi,
08:27
assess just how relevant it was
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08:29
and then put it where it belonged,
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dan kepercayaan diri saya.
Jadi saya tidak melawan rasa takut.
08:32
which was more often than not
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Saya hanya pro-keberanian.
08:33
behind my exhilaration, my anticipation
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08:37
and my confidence.
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Saya tidak bilang gadis-gadis Anda harus menjadi pemadam kebakaran
08:39
So I'm not against fear.
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08:41
I'm just pro-bravery.
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atau mereka harus bisa paralayang,
tapi, kita membesarkan gadis-gadis kita untuk jadi pemalu, bahkan tak berdaya,
08:46
Now, I'm not saying your girls must be firefighters
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08:49
or that they should be paragliders,
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dan itu dimulai saat kita memperingati mereka tentang risiko fisik.
08:51
but I am saying that we are raising our girls to be timid, even helpless,
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Ketakutan yang kita pelajari dan pengalaman yang tidak,
tetap ada seiring kita menjadi wanita
08:57
and it begins when we caution them against physical risk.
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dan berubah jadi semua hal yang kita hadapi dan coba lepaskan:
09:01
The fear we learn and the experiences we don't
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keragu-raguan kita dalam berbicara,
09:03
stay with us as we become women
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sikap sopan kita agar kita disukai
09:05
and morphs into all those things that we face and try to shed:
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dan kurangnya percaya diri pada keputusan kita sendiri.
09:09
our hesitation in speaking out,
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Jadi bagaimana kita menjadi berani?
09:12
our deference so that we can be liked
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Nah, inilah kabar baiknya.
09:14
and our lack of confidence in our own decisions.
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Keberanian dipelajari,
dan apa pun yang dipelajari,
09:18
So how do we become brave?
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hanya perlu dipraktikkan.
Jadi pertama-tama,
09:22
Well, here's the good news.
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kita harus tarik napas dalam-dalam
09:24
Bravery is learned,
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lalu dorong gadis-gadis kita
09:26
and like anything learned,
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untuk main skateboard, memanjat pohon
09:27
it just needs to be practiced.
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09:29
So first,
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dan memanjat tiang api di taman bermain itu.
09:31
we have to take a deep breath
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09:33
and encourage our girls
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Inilah yang ibu saya sendiri lakukan.
09:35
to skateboard, climb trees
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Dia tidak tahu saat itu,
09:37
and clamber around on that playground fire pole.
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tapi para peneliti punya sebutannya.
Namanya permainan berisiko.
09:41
This is what my own mother did.
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Penelitian menunjukkan, permainan berisiko sangat penting bagi semua anak,
09:43
She didn't know it then,
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09:45
but researchers have a name for this.
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karena mengajarkan penilaian bahaya,
09:47
They call it risky play,
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mengajarkan kepuasan yang tertunda,
09:49
and studies show that risky play is really important for kids, all kids,
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mengajarkan ketahanan,
dan kepercayaan diri.
09:54
because it teaches hazard assessment,
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Dengan kata lain,
09:56
it teaches delayed gratification,
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ketika anak-anak keluar dan berlatih keberanian,
09:59
it teaches resilience,
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mereka belajar pelajaran hidup berharga.
10:00
it teaches confidence.
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10:02
In other words,
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10:04
when kids get outside and practice bravery,
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Kedua, berhentilah memperingatkan gadis-gadis kita mau tak mau.
10:07
they learn valuable life lessons.
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Perhatikan lain kali Anda berkata,
"Hati-hati, kau akan terluka,"
10:12
Second, we have to stop cautioning our girls willy-nilly.
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atau, "Jangan lakukan itu, berbahaya."
Ingatlah yang sebenarnya sering kali Anda katakan padanya
10:17
So notice next time you say,
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10:19
"Watch out, you're going to get hurt,"
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ialah dia tak boleh memaksakan diri,
10:21
or, "Don't do that, it's dangerous."
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dia tidak cukup baik,
10:24
And remember that often what you're really telling her
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makanya dia harus takut.
10:27
is that she shouldn't be pushing herself,
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Ketiga,
kita para wanita juga harus mulai melatih keberanian.
10:30
that she's really not good enough,
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10:32
that she should be afraid.
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Kita tak bisa mengajari putri kita sebelum mengajari diri sendiri.
10:36
Third,
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10:37
we women have to start practicing bravery, too.
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Jadi, inilah hal lain:
ketakutan dan kegembiraan
10:41
We cannot teach our girls until we teach ourselves.
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terasa sangat mirip --
10:45
So here's another thing:
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tangan gemetar, detak jantung meningkat,
10:47
fear and exhilaration
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ketegangan saraf,
dan saya bertaruh kebanyakan Anda
10:50
feel very similar --
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saat terakhir kali mengira Anda ketakutan,
10:53
the shaky hands, the heightened heart rate,
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mungkin Anda merasa sebagian besar kegembiraan,
10:56
the nervous tension,
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dan kesempatan telah Anda lewatkan.
10:57
and I'm betting that for many of you
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10:59
the last time you thought you were scared out of your wits,
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Jadi berlatihlah.
Dan sementara anak perempuan harus keluar untuk belajar berani,
11:02
you may have been feeling mostly exhilaration,
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saya paham orang dewasa tak ingin naik hoverboard atau memanjat pohon,
11:05
and now you've missed an opportunity.
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11:07
So practice.
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11:09
And while girls should be getting outside to learn to be gutsy,
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jadi kita semua harus berlatih
11:12
I get that adults don't want to get on hoverboards or climb trees,
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di rumah, di kantor,
dan bahkan di sini, bangun nyali
11:18
so we all should be practicing
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untuk berbicara dengan orang yang Anda kagumi.
11:21
at home, in the office
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Terakhir, saat gadis Anda, katakanlah,
11:24
and even right here getting up the guts
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naik sepeda di puncak bukit curam
11:26
to talk to someone that you really admire.
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yang dia bersikeras dia terlalu takut untuk turun,
11:30
Finally, when your girl is, let's say,
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bimbing dia mengakses keberaniannya.
11:34
on her bike on the top of the steep hill
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Pada akhirnya, mungkin bukit itu memang terlalu curam,
11:36
that she insists she's too scared to go down,
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tapi dia akan sampai di kesimpulan itu melalui keberanian, bukan rasa takut.
11:39
guide her to access her bravery.
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11:42
Ultimately, maybe that hill really is too steep,
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Karena ini bukan tentang bukit terjal di depannya.
11:46
but she'll come to that conclusion through courage, not fear.
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Ini tentang kehidupan di depannya
dan bahwa dia memiliki alat
11:51
Because this is not about the steep hill in front of her.
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untuk menangani dan menilai
semua bahaya yang tidak dapat kita lindungi darinya,
11:55
This is about the life ahead of her
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semua tantangan yang kita takkan ada di sana untuk membimbingnya,
11:58
and that she has the tools
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12:00
to handle and assess
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segalanya yang gadis-gadis kita di sini
12:02
all the dangers that we cannot protect her from,
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dan di seluruh dunia
12:05
all the challenges that we won't be there to guide her through,
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hadapi di masa depan mereka.
12:09
everything that our girls here
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Jadi omong-omong,
rekor dunia untuk merangkak hari ini --
12:12
and around the world
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12:13
face in their future.
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(Tawa)
adalah 35,18 mil,
12:18
So by the way,
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12:20
the world record for crawling today --
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dan saya sangat ingin melihat seorang gadis memecahkannya.
12:23
(Laughter)
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12:25
is 35.18 miles,
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(Tepuk tangan)
12:30
and I would really love to see a girl go break that.
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12:33
(Applause)
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