Roxane Gay: Confessions of a bad feminist | TED

譯者: Marssi Draw 審譯者: Regina Chu

I am failing as a woman,

我是個失敗的女人，

I am failing as a feminist.

我是個失敗的女性主義者。

I have passionate opinions about gender equality,

談起性別平等我說得慷慨激昂，

but I worry that to freely accept the label of "feminist,"

但我卻擔心自在接受 「女性主義者」的標籤，

would not be fair to good feminists.

對優秀的女性主義者來說 太不公平。

I'm a feminist, but I'm a rather bad one.

我是女性主義者， 不過是不好的那一種。

Oh, so I call myself a Bad Feminist.

噢，所以我自稱 「壞的女性主義者」。

Or at least, I wrote an essay,

至少我寫了篇論文，

and then I wrote a book called "Bad Feminist,"

接著出了本書叫 《壞的女性主義者》，

and then in interviews, people started calling me The Bad Feminist.

之後接受訪問，大家開始稱我 「那個壞的女性主義者」。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So, what started as a bit of an inside joke with myself

本來只是關於我個人的圈內人笑話

and a willful provocation,

和故意挑釁的行為，

has become a thing.

就成了我的金字招牌。

Let me take a step back.

讓我先退一步來談。

When I was younger,

我還年輕的時候，

mostly in my teens and 20s,

主要是在十幾、二十多歲的時候，

I had strange ideas about feminists

我對女性主義者有種奇怪的想法，

as hairy, angry, man-hating, sex-hating women --

像是多毛、易怒、恨男人、 討厭做愛的女人…等等，

as if those are bad things.

就像那都是壞事一樣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

These days, I look at how women are treated the world over,

這陣子，我觀察 全世界女性遭受的待遇，

and anger, in particular, seems like a perfectly reasonable response.

我發現尤其是「生氣」， 似乎是非常合理的回應。

But back then,

但在當時，

I worried about the tone people used

我會擔心大家說話的腔調，

when suggesting I might be a feminist.

特別是提到我可能是 女性主義者的時候。

The feminist label was an accusation,

女性主義者的標籤是種指控，

it was an "F" word, and not a nice one.

以「F」開頭，而且是不好的字眼。

I was labeled a woman who doesn't play by the rules,

我被貼上標籤， 說我這個女人不按牌理出牌、

who expects too much,

期待太多、

who thinks far too highly of myself,

把自己想得太崇高，

by daring to believe I'm equal -- (Coughs) -- superior to a man.

膽敢相信自己如同 （咳嗽聲）男人一樣偉大。

You don't want to be that rebel woman,

沒人想成為那種會造反的女人，

until you realize that you very much are that woman,

直到了解自己骨子裡就是那種女人，

and cannot imagine being anyone else.

無法想像有別的可能。

As I got older, I began to accept

我年長一點之後開始接受

that I am, indeed, a feminist, and a proud one.

「我」就是──女性主義者， 而且是引以為榮的那一種。

I hold certain truths to be self-evident:

告訴各位一些不證自明的事實：

Women are equal to men.

女性與男性地位相同。

We deserve equal pay for equal work.

我們值得同工同酬。

We have the right to move through the world as we choose,

我們有權搬到世界上 自己想去的任何地方，

free from harassment or violence.

不受騷擾或暴力威脅。

We have the right to easy, affordable access to birth control,

我們有權要求簡單、 負擔得起的節育計畫

and reproductive services.

和生育服務。

We have the right to make choices about our bodies,

我們有權為自己的身體做決定，

free from legislative oversight or evangelical doctrine.

不受立法機關監督或是教條限制。

We have the right to respect.

我們有尊重的權利。

There's more.

還有更多問題。

When we talk about the needs of women,

每當我們談到女人的需求，

we have to consider the other identities we inhabit.

我們就必須顧及自己的其他身分，

We are not just women.

我們不只是女人而已。

We are people with different bodies,

我們同樣是人，只是有不同的身體、

gender expressions, faiths, sexualities,

性別表現、信仰、性取向、

class backgrounds, abilities, and so much more.

階級背景、能力…等等許多差異。

We need to take into account

我們必須考量這些差異，

these differences and how they affect us,

以及差異對我們的影響，

as much as we account for what we have in common.

如同考量共通點對我們的影響。

Without this kind of inclusion, our feminism is nothing.

沒有這種包容性， 我們的女性主義就什麼也不是。

I hold these truths to be self-evident, but let me be clear:

我視這些事實為不證自明的事， 但我要講清楚說明白：

I'm a mess.

我本人是一團糟。

I am full of contradictions.

我有各式各樣的矛盾。

There are many ways in which I'm doing feminism wrong.

從許多方面來看， 我用錯誤的方式實踐女性主義。

I have another confession.

我還要坦誠另一件事。

When I drive to work, I listen to thuggish rap at a very loud volume.

我開車去工作的時候聽幫派饒舌， 而且放超大聲。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Even though the lyrics are degrading to women --

即使歌詞貶低女性──

these lyrics offend me to my core --

這些歌詞侵犯我的核心──

the classic Yin Yang Twins song "Salt Shaker" --

陰陽雙煞的歌〈灑鹽罐〉──

it is amazing.

超讚的。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

"Make it work with your wet t-shirt.

「穿著你的溼上衣，來吧！」

Bitch, you gotta shake it 'til your camel starts to hurt!"

「賤人，你要搖到你的雙臀痛！」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Think about it.

你們想一下。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Poetry, right?

很有詩意吧？

I am utterly mortified by my music choices.

我對自己的音樂品味感到非常羞愧。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I firmly believe in man work,

我完全相信 有屬於男人做的工作，

which is anything I don't want to do, including --

我是說所有我不想做的事， 包括──

(Laughter) --

（笑聲）

all domestic tasks,

所有家務事，

but also: bug killing, trash removal, lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

還有除蟲、倒垃圾、 打理草坪和維修車子。

I want no part of any of that.

我完全不想做那些事。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Pink is my favorite color.

我最愛的是粉紅色。

I enjoy fashion magazines and pretty things.

我熱愛流行雜誌和美麗事物。

I watch "The Bachelor" and romantic comedies,

我看《鑽石求千金》和浪漫喜劇，

and I have absurd fantasies about fairy tales coming true.

而且我很愚蠢地迷戀童話故事成真。

Some of my transgressions are more flagrant.

我有些犯規行為更是惡名昭彰。

If a woman wants to take her husband's name,

如果有女人想冠夫姓，

that is her choice, and it is not my place to judge.

那是她的選擇，我沒有立場批評。

If a woman chooses to stay home to raise her children,

如果有女人選擇待在家帶小孩，

I embrace that choice, too.

我也接受那樣的選擇。

The problem is not that she makes herself economically vulnerable in that choice;

問題不是她在那選擇中 讓自己在經濟上成為弱勢；

the problem is that our society is set up

問題是我們的社會

to make women economically vulnerable when they choose.

讓女性做出選擇後， 造成她的經濟成為弱勢。

Let's deal with that.

我們來處理這個問題。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I reject the mainstream feminism

我拒絕主流的女性主義

that has historically ignored or deflected the needs

長久以來一直忽視或避而不談 某些女性的需求，

of women of color, working-class women, queer women and transgender women,

像是非白人女性、勞工婦女、 女同性戀或女變性人，

in favor of supporting white, middle- and upper-class straight women.

反而偏袒白皮膚、 中產或上層階級的異性戀女性。

Listen, if that's good feminism -- I am a very bad feminist.

聽著，如果那叫做好的女性主義， 我就是非常壞的女性主義者。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

There is also this:

還有這個：

As a feminist, I feel a lot of pressure.

身為女性主義者， 我感受到很多壓力。

We have this tendency to put visible feminists on a pedestal.

我們傾向崇拜 公開的女性主義者。

We expect them to pose perfectly.

我們期待她們的表現完美。

When they disappoint us,

一旦她們讓我們失望，

we gleefully knock them from the very pedestal we put them on.

我們再愉快地將她們 從我們搭起的舞台上狠打下臺。

Like I said, I am a mess --

就像我所說的，我是一團糟，

consider me knocked off that pedestal

想想我被狠打下臺的樣子，

before you ever try to put me up there.

在你打算把我送上臺前先想好。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Too many women,

對許多女性來說，

particularly groundbreaking women and industry leaders,

尤其是開創性女性及產業領袖，

are afraid to be labeled as feminists.

她們害怕被貼上女性主義者的標籤。

They're afraid to stand up and say, "Yes, I am a feminist,"

她們害怕站起來說： 「沒錯，我是女性主義者。」

for fear of what that label means,

因為她們擔心那個標籤的意義，

for fear of being unable to live up to unrealistic expectations.

擔心無法堅持那些不切實際的期待。

Take, for example, Beyoncé, or as I call her, The Goddess.

以碧昂絲為例， 或是我稱她為「女神」。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She has emerged, in recent years, as a visible feminist.

她在近年來以公開的 女性主義者之姿嶄露頭角。

At the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards,

在 2014 年 MTV 音樂錄影帶大獎中，

she performed in front of the word "feminist" 10 feet high.

她在十呎高的 「女性主義者」字樣前表演。

It was a glorious spectacle to see

這難得一見的場面 不僅讓我們看見

this pop star openly embracing feminism

這位搖滾巨星坦率接納女性主義，

and letting young women and men know

並讓年輕男女知道

that being a feminist is something to celebrate.

身為女性主義者是值得慶祝的事。

As the moment faded, cultural critics began endlessly debating

當這一刻褪去， 文化評判開始無止境辯論

whether or not Beyoncé was, indeed, a feminist.

碧昂絲到底是不是女性主義者。

They graded her feminism,

他們最終將她 放進女性主義的類別裡，

instead of simply taking a grown, accomplished woman at her word.

卻不是單純以一位成年、 有才女性自己說的話來歸類。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

We demand perfection from feminists,

我們要求女性主義者完美，

because we are still fighting for so much,

因為我們還要爭取很多，

we want so much,

我們還想要很多，

we need so damn much.

我們要得太多。

We go far beyond reasonable, constructive criticism,

我們已超出合理、有建設性的評論，

to dissecting any given woman's feminism,

變成剖析特定女性的女性主義，

tearing it apart until there's nothing left.

將女性主義撕裂到片甲不留，

We do not need to do that.

我們不需要做到這樣。

Bad feminism -- or really, more inclusive feminism -- is a starting point.

壞女性主義者──或該說是 廣義的女性主義者──是個起點。

But what happens next?

但下一步是什麼？

We go from acknowledging our imperfections to accountability,

我們從承認自己不完美， 到負起責任、

or walking the walk, and being a little bit brave.

身體力行，並且鼓起一點勇氣。

If I listen to degrading music,

如果我聽沒品的音樂，

I am creating a demand for which artists are more than happy

我就在創造一種需求， 讓音樂家欣然

to contribute a limitless supply.

無止盡的創作沒品的音樂。

These artists are not going to change

這些藝術家不會改變

how they talk about women in their songs

他們在歌曲中對女性的評論，

until we demand that change by affecting their bottom line.

除非我們透過影響他們的基本態度 來要求他們改變。

Certainly, it is difficult.

說實在的，這很難。

Why must it be so catchy?

為什麼他們的歌這麼容易朗朗上口？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's hard to make the better choice,

要做出更好的決定很難，

and it is so easy to justify a lesser one.

為差一點的決定找藉口卻很容易。

But --

但是，

when I justify bad choices,

當我為壞決定開脫時，

I make it harder for women to achieve equality,

我讓女性更難得到平等，

the equality that we all deserve,

那是我們都應得的平等，

and I need to own that.

而我必須擁有那份平等。

I think of my nieces, ages three and four.

我想到我三歲和四歲的姪女。

They are gorgeous and headstrong, brilliant girls,

她們都是很可愛 又頭好壯壯的聰明女孩，

who are a whole lot of brave.

而且非常勇敢。

I want them to thrive in a world where they are valued

我希望她們可以在一個 重視她們的世界發光發熱，

for the powerful creatures they are.

就因為她們是這麼棒的人。

I think of them,

我想到她們，

and suddenly, the better choice becomes far easier to make.

突然間，要做出更好的選擇 就變得簡單多了。

We can all make better choices.

我們都可以做出更好的選擇。

We can change the channel when a television show

我們可以選擇電視節目、切換頻道，

treats sexual violence against women like sport,

只要有對女性做出性暴力內容，

Game of Thrones.

像是運動或《權力遊戲》就不看。

We can change the radio station

我們可以選擇廣播節目，

when we hear songs that treat women as nothing.

只要當中有視女性 如敝屣的歌曲就不聽。

We can spend our box office dollars elsewhere

我們可以將電影票錢花在其它地方，

when movies don't treat women

只要那部電影

只把女性當做花瓶就不看。

as anything more than decorative objects.

We can stop supporting professional sports

我們可以停止支持職業運動，

where the athletes treat their partners like punching bags.

只要有運動員對待他們的伴侶 像出氣包就不支持。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

In other ways, men -- and especially straight white men --

其它方式還有，男人 ──尤其是異性戀的白人男性──

can say, "No, I will not publish with your magazine,

能說出：「不！我不會發行你的雜誌、

or participate in your project, or otherwise work with you,

參與你的計畫，或是和你一起工作，

until you include a fair number of women,

直到你將女性成員拉到一定比例，

both as participants and decision makers.

不論是參與者或是決定的角色。

I won't work with you until your publication,

我不會和你一起工作， 直到你的刊物、

or your organization, is more inclusive of all kinds of difference."

或是你的組織 能夠接納各種差異。」

Those of us who are underrepresented

我們這些常被忽略的人，

and invited to participate in such projects,

在獲邀參與此類計畫時，

can also decline to be included

也可以拒絕身為其中一員，

until more of us are invited through the glass ceiling,

直到我們的獲邀人數超越往例，

and we are tokens no more.

直到我們不再是 那少數的弱勢保留席次。

Without these efforts,

沒有這些努力，

without taking these stands,

沒有支持這些立場，

our accomplishments are going to mean very little.

我們的成果就沒什麼意義。

We can commit these small acts of bravery

我們可以做到 這些出於勇氣的小舉動，

and hope that our choices trickle upward to the people in power --

並期待我們的選擇 能向上影響有權力的人，

editors, movie and music producers,

像是編輯、電影或音樂製作人、

CEOs, lawmakers --

執行長、立法者，

the people who can make bigger, braver choices

這些人可以做出更大、 更勇敢的選擇，

to create lasting, meaningful change.

做出永久且有意義的改變。

We can also boldly claim our feminism --

我們也可以 大膽宣告我們的女性主義：

good, bad, or anywhere in between.

無論是好、是壞， 或是在這之間的灰色地帶。

The last line of my book "Bad Feminist" says,

我在著作《壞的女性主義者》 最後一行提到：

"I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all."

「我寧可當個壞的女性主義者， 也不要連女性主義者都不是。」

This is true for so many reasons,

在各方面這都真實不虛，

but first and foremost, I say this because once upon a time,

但首先也最重要的是， 我會這樣說是因為過去有一度

my voice was stolen from me,

我的聲音被剝奪了，

and feminism helped me to get my voice back.

女性主義幫助我取回我的聲音。

There was an incident.

那是過去發生的事件。

I call it an incident so I can carry the burden of what happened.

我稱之事件，如此我就能帶著 過往經驗的重擔繼續向前。

Some boys broke me,

當時有幾個男孩傷害了我，

when I was so young, I did not know

我還年輕的時候還不知道

what boys can do to break a girl.

男孩可以怎麼傷害女孩。

They treated me like I was nothing.

他們待我的方式 就好像我毫無價值，

I began to believe I was nothing.

我開始相信自己毫無價值。

They stole my voice, and in the after,

他們奪走我的聲音，之後，

I did not dare to believe

我不敢相信

that anything I might say could matter.

自己說的任何話會有多重要。

But --

但是，

I had writing.

我還有寫作。

And there, I wrote myself back together.

在那裡，我筆下的自己 回到完整的模樣。

I wrote myself toward a stronger version of myself.

我筆下的自己 變成一個更強壯的人。

I read the words of women

我閱讀女性寫的文字，

who might understand a story like mine,

這些人可能理解跟我一樣的故事，

and women who looked like me,

理解長得像我這樣的女性，

and understood what it was like to move through the world with brown skin.

理解以褐色皮膚 走過世界各地是什麼樣子。

I read the words of women who showed me I was not nothing.

我學著讀某些女性的文字， 她們讓我知道自己並非毫無價值。

I learned to write like them,

我學著模仿她們寫作，

and then I learned to write as myself.

然後學著寫出自己的風格。

I found my voice again,

我再次找回自己的聲音。

and I started to believe that my voice is powerful beyond measure.

我開始相信我的聲音力量無窮。

Through writing and feminism,

透過寫作與女性主義，

I also found that if I was a little bit brave,

我也發現如果我更勇敢一點，

another woman might hear me and see me and recognize

另一位女性也許會 聽見、看見我，並理解

that none of us are the nothing the world tries to tell us we are.

沒有人像這個世界試圖 告訴我們的那樣一無是處。

In one hand,

在一方面來說，

I hold the power to accomplish anything.

我有成就任何事的能力；

And in my other,

而另一方面，

I hold the humbling reality that I am just one woman.

我也抱持著自己只是一名女性 這樣讓人感到謙遜的事實。

I am a bad feminist,

我是壞的女性主義者，

I am a good woman,

我是個好女人，

I am trying to become better in how I think,

我試著讓自己能想得更好、

and what I say, and what I do,

說得更好、做得更好，

without abandoning everything that makes me human.

毋需摒棄讓我成為人的任何東西。

I hope that we can all do the same.

我希望我們都可以如此。

I hope that we can all be a little bit brave,

我希望我們都可以更勇敢一點，

when we most need such bravery.

在我們最需要這份勇氣的時候。

(Applause)

（掌聲）