3 lessons on success from an Arab businesswoman | Leila Hoteit

翻译人员: Chen Zou 校对人员: He Huang

"Mom, who are these people?"

“妈妈，这些人是谁?"，

It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia

这个天真的问题来自 我年幼的女儿艾莉娅，

大概在她三岁的时候。

around the time when she was three.

We were walking along with my husband

我们当时跟我的丈夫一起，

in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls.

走在阿布扎比的 某个高端商场里，

Alia was peering at a huge poster standing tall in the middle of the mall.

艾莉娅当时正在看一张 立在商场中心的大海报。

It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates.

海报上是三位 阿联酋的领导人。

As she tucked in my side,

由于她站在我身旁，

I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE

我弯下腰向她解释道， 他们是阿联酋的领导人，

who had worked hard to develop their nation

是他们的辛勤努力，

国家得以发展昌盛，和平完整。

and preserve its unity.

她问道：“妈妈， 为什么在我们住的地方

She asked, "Mom, why is it that here where we live,

and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live,

以及外公外婆住的黎巴嫩，

we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls?

墙上从来没有强大的女性的照片啊？

Is it because women are not important?"

是因为女性不重要吗?"

这恐怕是我为人父母这么多年， 以及在我16年多职业生涯里，

This is probably the hardest question I've had to answer in my years as a parent

and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter.

遇到过最难回答的问题了。

I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon,

我在我的家乡黎巴嫩长大

我是家里两个女儿中较小的那一个， 母亲是一位辛勤工作的飞行员，

the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot

and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines

同时还担任黎巴嫩 航空公司的运营总监，

and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma.

而她同时也是一位非常 顾家的母亲和祖母。

My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education

我的父亲常常鼓励 姐姐和我坚持接受教育，

即便那时我们的 风俗仍然强调

even though our culture emphasized at the time

that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated.

只有儿子应该走上职业道路， 而不是女儿。

I was one of very few girls of my generation

我是我那一代人里极少数

在18岁的年纪去外国读书的女孩。

who left home at 18 to study abroad.

My father didn't have a son,

我父亲没有儿子，

and so I, in a sense, became his.

所以，从某种意义上来说， 我成为了他的的儿子。

Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn't do too badly

回溯过去几十年， 作为我父亲望子成龙的对象，

in making my father proud of his would-be son.

我希望我没有让父亲失望。

As I got my Bachelor's and PhD in electrical engineering,

我拿到了电子工程学 的学士和博士学位，

did R and D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East,

在英国从事过研发工作， 然后在中东做咨询顾问，

I have always been in male-dominated environments.

我总是在一个 男性主导的环境里。

Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with.

坦白地说，我从来没有遇到 一个我所能认同的榜样。

My mother's generation wasn't into professional leadership.

在我母亲那一代， 没有女性能身居要职。

There were some encouraging men along the way,

一路上也有不少人鼓励我，

但没有人是了解 我所面对的需求和压力，

but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing,

特别是当我有了我两个可爱的孩子的后， 压力变得尤为难以承受。

pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children.

And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice,

而且尽管西方女性乐于给我们这些 可怜的，被压抑的阿拉伯女性一些忠告，

但她们跟我们过着的 是完全不同的生活，不同的挑战。

they live different lives with different constraints.

所以，我那一代的阿拉伯女性 被迫成为自己的楷模。

So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models.

We have had to juggle more than Arab men,

我们不得不比阿拉伯男性更 颠沛流离，

and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women.

而且我们比西方女性 面对着更多的文化束缚。

As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women

所以现在，我想起我们 那些可怜，被压抑的女性，

actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share,

实际上是有一些实用的 深刻的经历来分享，

这些经验也许就会给在如今

lessons that might turn out useful

for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world.

现代社会希望出人头地的一些人， 一些实用的帮助。

Here are three of mine.

接下来是我的三点经验。

["Convert their sh*t into your fuel."]

［“把他们的垃圾变成你的动力燃料”］

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success:

有一个词语被每一个人 都用来售卖作为成功的关键：

resilience.

坚韧。

Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it?

那么，到底什么是坚韧， 你又如何培养这个能力呢？

I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.

我相信坚韧是一种 将失意转化成动力的能力。

In my previous job, well before my current firm,

在我之前的工作 那是现在的很久之前，

I was working with a man we will call John.

我和一个叫作约翰 的男人一同工作。

I had teamed up with John and was working hard,

我和约翰是一个小组， 我工作极其努力，

hoping he would notice how great I was

期望约翰能注意到我很优秀，

and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm.

寄希望于他的认可能够 让我在日后工作中更加顺利。

我除了完成我份内的 顾问项目之外，

I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects,

还充满热情地写 关于女性经济赋权的课题。

writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment.

One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students.

一天，我要给一房间的工商管理研究生 对于我的研究作报告，

John was part of the audience

约翰也坐在下面听，

listening for the first time to the details of my study.

这是他第一次了解 我研究的细节。

就在我报告演讲进行中时，

As I proceeded with my presentation,

I could see John in the corner of my eye.

我可以用余光看到约翰，

他的脸涨成了深红色，

He had turned a dark shade of pink

and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.

而且尴尬地从椅子上渐渐滑下。

I finished my presentation to an applauding audience

我报告演讲结束后， 观众给予了我掌声，

and we rushed out and jumped into the car.

我们迅速离开后钻进车里，

There he exploded.

在那里，他爆发了，

"What you did up there was unacceptable!

“你刚才在那里所做的，是不可以接受的！

You are a consultant, not an activist!"

你仅是一名顾问，不是一个激进行动者！”

I said, "John, I don't understand.

我说，“约翰，我不明白，

I presented a couple of gender parity indices,

我只是陈述了一些 关于性别平等的指数，

and some conclusions about the Arab world.

总结了一下当今 阿拉伯世界面临的事实。

Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index,

是的，我们今天 的确处在指数的底层，

but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?"

但是，我所说的或者是我所 呈现的有任何不符合事实吗?”

他回答说， “你整个研究的前提就是错误的，

To which he replied, "The whole premise of your study is wrong.

What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society."

你想做的是极其危险的， 将破坏我们社会的结构。”

He paused, then added,

他顿了一下，继续说，

“当女人有了孩子， 她们归属就是家庭。”

"When women have children, their place is in the home."

Time stood still for a long while,

时间在我们之间 凝固了很长一段时间，

and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was:

在我一时混乱的脑海中， 我唯一清楚并反复的是，

"You can forget about that partnership, Leila.

“我们之间的合作关系 到此为止了，力里亚，

It's just never going to happen."

以后再也不可能继续了。"

It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications,

我花费了好几天的时间来完全 吸收这件事以及它给我带来的影响，

but once I did, I reached three conclusions.

当我彻底想通此事时， 我有了三个结论。

One, that these were his issues,

第一，这些是他的问题，

his complexes.

应是令他棘手问题，

There may be many like him in our society,

社会上也许会有 很多像他一样的人。

but I would never let their issues become mine.

但是我绝不会让 他们的问题变成我的。

Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.

第二，我需要另找合作方了， 而且要快，

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great.

顺便一提，之后我很快有了一个 合作者，一个年轻人，他很棒。

And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do.

第三点，我要展现给约翰看 为人父母的女性所能成就的。

I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life.

我将这次教训也运用 在了我的个人生活中。

As I have progressed in my career,

随着我事业继续发展，

I have received many words of encouragement,

我收到了很多鼓励的话语，

但是我也常常遇到 很明显对于我和我老公

but I have also often been met by women, men and couples

who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I

双事业家庭这样的的选择

having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.

存在异议的男女以及夫妇。

So you get this well-meaning couple

所以，你会遇到善意的夫妇

who tells you straight out at a family gathering

在家庭聚会或是朋友聚会上，

or at a friends gathering,

直接告诉你，

that, come on, you must know you're not a great mom,

“你肯定知道你不是一个 很称职的母亲对吧？

given how much you're investing in your career, right?

因为你对于事业 投入了太多”

I would lie if I said these words didn't hurt.

如果我说这些言论对我 没有伤害，那是不可能的。

My children are the most precious thing to me,

对我来说，我的孩子 是我最宝贵的东西，

and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable.

想想我若对不起我的孩子， 对我来说都是无法忍受的。

But just like I did with John,

但就像我对待约翰一样，

I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues,

我很快提醒我自己， 这些是他们的问题，

their complexes.

他们棘手的事情。

So instead of replying,

所以我没有做回复，

I gave back one of my largest smiles

只以一个大大的微笑作为回应。

因为我在脑海中看到

as I saw, in flashing light,

如图的一个闪光。

the following sign in my mind's eye.

［快乐，使人力量无穷］

[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]

(Applause)

（掌声）

You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options.

你看，作为一个年轻女性 在这些情况下，你有两个选择。

你要么选择吸收这些

You can either decide to internalize these negative messages

扔向你的负面信息

that are being thrown at you,

to let them make you feel like a failure,

让它们使你觉得 你是一个失败者，

like success is way too hard to ever achieve,

就好像成功 对你而言遥不可及，

or you can choose to see that others' negativity is their own issue,

或者你可以选择认为别人 消极的东西是他们自己的问题，

and instead transform it into your own personal fuel.

然后将它们转换成 你自己的动力。

I have learned to always go for option two,

我总是选择后者，

而且我发现它一次又一次的 让我获得力量。

and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength.

And it's true what they say:

有一句话说的是真的：

success is the best revenge.

成功是最好的报复。

Some women in the Middle East

一些在中东的女性

are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career.

足够幸运地和 支持她们事业的人结了婚。

Correction: I should say "smart enough,"

不对，我应该说：“足够聪明地”，

because who you marry is your own choice,

因为和谁结婚 是你自己的选择，

and you'd better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career.

如果你计划一个长期的事业， 你最好和一个支持你的人结婚。

［“解决生活中的问题， 去适时将工作从生活中拿掉”］

Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home.

直到如今，阿拉伯男人 在家庭里仍不是一个平等贡献者

It's simply not expected by our society,

家庭的两性平等是 不被我们社会所期待的，

and even frowned upon as not very manly.

否则男性甚至会 被嘲笑不是很男人。

As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes

对于一个阿拉伯女人 我们的社会仍然认为

她快乐的主要来源 应该建立在孩子和丈夫

that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity

的快乐和发展上。

of her children and husband.

She mostly exists for her family.

她的存在主要就是为了家庭。

Things are changing, but it will take time.

事情在有所改变， 但是这需要一些时间。

For now, it means that the professional Arab woman

所以现在，这意味着 一个阿拉伯职业女性

has to somehow maintain the perfect home,

莫名地就需要， 维持一个完美的家庭，

make sure that her children's every need is being taken care of

确保她孩子的每个需要 都能得到满足的同时，

and manage her demanding career.

还要经营她繁忙的事业。

To achieve this, I have found the hard way

为了实现这个， 我发现了一个有力的方法，

你必须将你辛苦学到的职业技能， 运用到你的个人生活中去。

that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life.

You need to work your life.

你需要去解决生活中的问题。

这是我在我个人生活中所做的。

Here is how I do this in my personal life.

One thing to know about the Middle East

关于中东必须知道的一件事，

is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help.

是几乎每个家庭都会有一个 承担得起的家庭保姆。

The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively.

因此，挑战变成了： 如何有效地雇佣？

Just like I would in my business life, I have based the selection

就像我在我的事业生活中所做的， 我在一个可靠的推荐中，

选择了一名， 在我工作时间

of who would support me with my children while I'm at work

on a strong referral.

能够帮忙照顾我孩子的人选。

Cristina had worked for four years with my sister

克里斯蒂娜为我的妹妹 工作了四年。

她的工作能力 是很高的。

and the quality of her work was well-established.

She is now an integral member of our family,

她现在融入到我们 家庭成员中的一员，

自从艾莉娅6个月大的时候 就和我们在一起，

having been with us since Alia was six months old.

She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I'm at work,

她确保我在工作的时候 家里一切事务井井有条，

and I make sure to empower her

我确保给予她一定的自由度

在对她和我孩子 合适的范围内，

in the most optimal conditions for her and my children,

just like I would my best talent at work.

就像我对待在工作中 最好的员工一样。

This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation,

这个经验可以运用到你任何一个 照顾孩子的情况里，

whether an au pair, nursery,

无论是一个互惠生，一个护士，

part-time nanny that you share with someone else.

还是你和人共用的 兼职保姆。

Choose very carefully, and empower.

都需要谨慎地选择， 然后授权给她们。

如果你看我的日程安排，

If you look at my calendar,

you will see every working day

你将会看到每个工作日

one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time

从阿联酋时间晚上7点 到8点半的那一个半小时

blocked and called "family time."

被留出来，称作“家庭时间”。

This is sacred time.

这是宝贵的的时间。

I have done this ever since Alia was a baby.

自从艾莉娅还是婴儿时， 我就坚持做这个。

我会尽一切努力 去保护留有这段时间。

I do everything in my power to protect this time

so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children,

那么我可以在这段时间里 回到家里陪孩子们充实地度过，

asking them about their day,

询问她们他们的一天过得怎么样，

checking up on homework, reading them a bedtime story

检查他们的功课， 给他们阅读床上故事，

and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles.

然后给他们很多 亲吻和拥抱。

If I'm traveling, in whatever the time zone,

如果我在出差， 不论在哪个时区，

I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away.

我都会用Skype和我的孩子通话， 即使我在千里之外。

Our son Burhan is five years old,

我们的儿子布尔汗今年五岁，

and he's learning to read and do basic maths.

他正在学习阅读和 做一些基本的算数，

Here's another confession:

我在这里要坦白一下：

I have found that our daughter is actually more successful

我发现我们的女儿在 教授他这些技能上

at teaching him these skills than I am.

比我更成功。

（观众笑声）

(Laughter)

It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother,

开始是一个游戏，但是艾丽娅爱上了 给她的小弟弟扮演老师，

and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan's literacy,

我发现在这过程中实际上 提高了布尔汗的读写能力，

增加了艾丽娅的责任感，

increase Alia's sense of responsibility,

and strengthen the bonding between them,

而且加强了他们之间的纽带，

a win-win all around.

一个双赢的局面。

The successful Arab women I know

我知道的成功的阿拉伯女性，

have each found their unique approach to working their life

每个人都发现了她们独特的方式 去经营她们的生活，

as they continue to shoulder

随着她们继续

去分享家庭的责任。

the lion's share of responsibility in the home.

但这不仅仅是关于 生存在你的双重角色中，

But this is not just about surviving in your dual role

as a career woman and mother.

作为一个职业女性和母亲。

This is also about being in the present.

这也是关于如何活在当下。

当我和孩子相处的时候，

When I am with my children,

I try to leave work out of our lives.

我试着将工作从生活中拿掉。

Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day,

不去担心我每天能 和他们在一起多少分钟，

I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments,

我将这些时间专注在 值得记忆的瞬间上，

在那些瞬间里 我看见了我的孩子，

moments where I'm seeing my kids,

hearing them, connecting with them.

听见他们，和他们产生连接。

["Join forces, don't compete."]

［“凝聚力量，不要竞争”］

我那一代的阿拉伯女人 在她们长大的过程中，

Arab women of my generation have not been very visible

没有在公众眼里受重视。

in the public eye as they grew up.

This explains, I think, to some extent,

这在某种程度上，我认为，解释了

why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world.

为什么你发现在阿拉伯 政界里的女人很少。

然而，这个现象积极的一面

The upside of this, however,

is that we have spent a lot of time

是我们花费了很多时间

developing a social skill behind the scenes,

默默地培养出社交能力，

在咖啡厅里，在客厅里，

in coffee shops, in living rooms,

on the phone,

在电话里，

a social skill that is very important to success:

一个对成功很重要的 社交技能就是：

networking.

人脉。

I would say the average Arab woman

我会说，一般的阿拉伯女性

有一个很大的由朋友和 熟人组成的人脉网络，

has a large network of friends and acquaintances.

The majority of those are also women.

他们中的大部分也是女性。

In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women

在西方，似乎雄心勃勃的女性 常常拿她们自己和其她女人比较，

hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room.

希望作为房间里最 成功的女性而被注意到。

这就形成了“职业女性”

This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior

都是争强好胜的印象。

between professional women.

If there's only room for one woman at the top,

假如一山不容二虎，

then you can't make room for others, much less lift them up.

没人会让出她们的地盘， 更不会提拔她们的下属。

Arab women, generally speaking,

阿拉伯女人，很大程度上说，

没有陷入这样的 心理陷阱中。

have not fallen for this psychological trap.

面对着一个由男性主导的社会，

Faced with a patriarchal society,

they have found that by helping each other out,

她们发现通过帮助对方，

all benefit.

大家都受益。

在我之前的工作中， 我是最资深的中东女性，

In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East,

so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues

所以人们会想，在我的 女性社交网络里投入

不会带来太大益处。

couldn't bring many benefits

and that I should instead invest my time

所以应该投入时间在

发展我和年长有资历的男性 以及同龄男性的关系上。

developing my relationships with male seniors and peers.

Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women.

至此，我事业上两个最大的突破来自于 其她女性的支持上。

一位是营销部的领导， 最先提议

It was the head of marketing who initially suggested

I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum.

我应该作为一个年轻的全球领导者 去参加全球经济会谈。

她对我的媒体参与和 发表很熟悉，

She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications,

然后当她被要求 推荐人选的时候，

and when she was asked to voice her opinion,

她强调了我的名字。

she highlighted my name.

It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend,

另一位是年轻的咨询顾问家 一位来自沙特的女性朋友，

who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia,

她帮助了我销售 在沙特阿拉伯的第一个项目，

a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman.

一个我发现女人 很难打入的市场。

She introduced me to a client,

她介绍我给一位客户，

and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi.

然后那次的介绍成为了之后我 在沙特很多项目的开端。

Today, I have two senior women on my team,

现在我的团队里有 两位资深的女性雇员，

我看到，使她们成功 也是我成功的关键。

and I see making them successful as key to my own success.

Women continue to advance in the world,

女性会继续开拓世界，

not fast enough, but we're moving.

不够快速，但是我们在前进，

The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks.

阿拉伯世界也是在取得进展， 尽管最近遇到不少障碍。

Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet,

就在今年，阿联酋新指派了 五位女性内阁部长。

for a total of eight female ministers.

现在总共有八位女性内阁部长。

That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet,

那是将近28％的内阁成员的数量，

而且比很多发达国家 声称的数量多。

and more than many developed countries can claim.

This is today my daughter Alia's favorite picture.

这如今是我女儿艾丽娅 最喜欢的一张图片。

This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership,

这毫无疑问是 强大领导力的结果，

but it is also the result of strong Arab women

但这也是一个个 不屈不挠的阿拉伯女性

not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries.

不放弃地坚持 开拓挑战边界的结果。

It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me

这是像我一样的 阿拉伯女性决定每天

to convert shit into fuel,

去将消极转化为动力，

to work their life to keep work out of their life,

去解决生活中的问题， 去适时将工作从生活中拿掉，

去凝聚力量，而不是去攀比竞争。

and to join forces and not compete.

As I look to the future,

随着我向未来展望，

my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage

我对我女儿的希望是 二三十年后，

some 20, 30 years from now

她若站上这个舞台，

are that she be as proud to call herself her mother's daughter

她作为她父亲的女儿， 也会很自豪地自称为，

as her father's daughter.

她母亲的女儿。

我对我儿子的希望

My hopes for my son

are that by then, the expression "her mother's son" or "mama's boy"

是到了那个时候，“她母亲的儿子” 或者“妈妈的男孩”

会有一个完全不一样的意义。

would have taken on a completely different meaning.

感谢大家。

Thank you.

(Applause)

（掌声）