3 lessons on success from an Arab businesswoman | Leila Hoteit

譯者: YuCheng Chang 審譯者: Wilde Luo

"Mom, who are these people?"

「媽媽，這些人是誰?」

It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia

這是來自我小女兒 阿麗亞的天真的疑問，

around the time when she was three.

大概是在她三歲的時候。

We were walking along with my husband

我們正與我丈夫走在一塊，

in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls.

在阿布達比的某一間大型 豪華購物中心中。

Alia was peering at a huge poster standing tall in the middle of the mall.

阿麗亞仔細端詳著立在 購物中心中央的巨幅海報。

It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates.

它標示著三位 阿拉伯聯合大公國的統治者。

As she tucked in my side,

當她拽著我的衣角，

I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE

我彎下身然後描述著 這就是阿拉伯聯合大公國的統治者，

who had worked hard to develop their nation

他們很努力地發展他們的國家，

and preserve its unity.

保持他們的團結性。

She asked, "Mom, why is it that here where we live,

她問說：「媽媽， 為什麼這裡，我們住的地方，

and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live,

和黎巴嫩，爺爺跟奶奶住的地方，

we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls?

我們從沒有看過在牆上 有厲害的女人的圖片？

Is it because women are not important?"

這是因為女人不重要嗎？」

This is probably the hardest question I've had to answer in my years as a parent

這大概是我身為父母 以及 16 年多的職業生涯中

and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter.

曾回答過的最困難的問題了。

I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon,

我在我的家鄉黎巴嫩長大，

the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot

是兩個女兒中的小女兒， 父親是努力工作的飛行員，

and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines

同時也是黎巴嫩航空的操作總監。

and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma.

有個超級顧家的母親與祖母。

My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education

我的父親很鼓勵我們求學，

even though our culture emphasized at the time

即使我們的文化， 特別強調在那個時間點，

that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated.

那是只有兒子而不是女兒 應該要被啟發職業積極性。

I was one of very few girls of my generation

我是在我那個年代 極少數女孩的其中一個，

who left home at 18 to study abroad.

在 18 歲離開家出國念書。

My father didn't have a son,

我的父親沒有兒子，

and so I, in a sense, became his.

所以，在某種意義上來說， 我變成了兒子。

Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn't do too badly

快轉數十年， 我希望我沒有做得太差，

in making my father proud of his would-be son.

在讓我父親以他試圖打造的 「兒子」為傲的方面。

As I got my Bachelor's and PhD in electrical engineering,

當我電子工程方面取得 學士與博士學位，

did R and D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East,

在英國從事研發，此外在中東諮詢，

I have always been in male-dominated environments.

我總是處在男權至上的環境。

Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with.

老實說，我從未找到 能讓我共鳴的榜樣。

My mother's generation wasn't into professional leadership.

我母親的年代對職業的 領導地位不感興趣。

There were some encouraging men along the way,

在我的經歷中遇見過很多 激勵並鼓舞人心的男士，

but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing,

但沒有人知道我 當時正面對的需求與壓力。

pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children.

當我擁有兩個美麗的小孩時， 這壓力變得特別嚴重。

And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice,

而雖然西方女性喜歡給予貧窮的、 受欺壓的阿拉伯女性忠告，

they live different lives with different constraints.

但她們過著不一樣的生活， 有著不一樣的束縛。

So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models.

所以我這一代的阿拉伯女性 不得不成為我們的楷模。

We have had to juggle more than Arab men,

我們不得不比阿拉伯男性兼顧更多，

and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women.

與西方女性相比， 我們也不得不去面對更頑固的文化。

As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women

到最後，我想，

我們這些貧窮、受壓迫的女性，

actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share,

確實有一些實用的、 來之不易的經驗能夠去分享，

lessons that might turn out useful

這些經驗可能很有用，

for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world.

對任何一位希望在這現代化的 世界成長茁壯的人。

Here are three of mine.

我這裡有三個經驗分享。

["Convert their sh*t into your fuel."]

「轉換他們的負面能量 成為你的動力。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success:

每個人都認為這是成功的金鑰匙：

resilience.

適應性。

Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it?

什麼是適應性， 你要怎麼發展適應性呢？

I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.

我相信適應性簡單來說就是 把負面能量轉換成自身動力的能力。

In my previous job, well before my current firm,

在進入我現在這間公司之前， 在我的工作中，

I was working with a man we will call John.

我與一個男人共事， 我們稱他約翰好了。

I had teamed up with John and was working hard,

我跟約翰組成一組，很努力地工作，

hoping he would notice how great I was

希望他能注意到我很能幹。

and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm.

而他能夠幫助我的業務 並成為我的公司夥伴。

I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects,

此外，我正集中完成我的諮詢項目，

writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment.

情緒激昂地著手寫著關於 女性經濟自主的主題。

One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students.

有一天，我發表我的研究成果 給滿屋子的工商管理學的碩士生聽。

John was part of the audience

約翰是其中的聽眾，

listening for the first time to the details of my study.

第一次聆聽我的研究細節。

As I proceeded with my presentation,

當我在進行陳述時，

I could see John in the corner of my eye.

我眼角可以看到約翰。

He had turned a dark shade of pink

他的臉變成暗粉紅色，

and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.

因為明顯的羞愧而滑下他的椅子。

I finished my presentation to an applauding audience

我在充滿掌聲的觀眾中完成了演講，

and we rushed out and jumped into the car.

而我們快速離開並跳上車子。

There he exploded.

在那裡他大發雷霆。

"What you did up there was unacceptable!

「你做的事情是不可接受的！

You are a consultant, not an activist!"

你是個顧問，不是個激進主義分子！」

I said, "John, I don't understand.

我說：「約翰，我不明白。

I presented a couple of gender parity indices,

我展示了數個性別待遇平等指數，

and some conclusions about the Arab world.

和一些關於阿拉伯世界的結論。

Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index,

是的，我們現在碰巧地 是在這指數的底部，

but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?"

但是有什麼我說的 是不符合事實的地方嗎？」

To which he replied, "The whole premise of your study is wrong.

他回答：「你研究的所有前提都是錯的。

What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society."

你正在做的事情很危險而且將會 破壞我們的社會結構。」

He paused, then added,

他停了下來，又補充：

"When women have children, their place is in the home."

「當女人有小孩， 他們歸屬就是在家裡面。」

Time stood still for a long while,

好長一會兒，時間彷彿靜止了，

and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was:

而在混亂中，我腦中想的與重複的是：

"You can forget about that partnership, Leila.

「你可以忘記那個夥伴關係，蕾拉。

It's just never going to happen."

這樣下去不會有什麼結果的。」

It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications,

這讓我花了幾天去完全消化 這件事與它的含義，

but once I did, I reached three conclusions.

但最後，我得到三個結論。

One, that these were his issues,

第一，那是他的問題，

his complexes.

他自己的心結。

There may be many like him in our society,

在我們的社會中存在著 很多像他一樣的人，

but I would never let their issues become mine.

他們的觀點我絕不會苟同。

Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.

第二，我需要其他的支持者，而且要快。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great.

順帶一提，我的確找到了，

他真的很棒。

And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do.

而第三，我要展示給約翰， 有小孩的女人可以做什麼。

I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life.

這個經驗在我的 個人生活中也是一樣好用。

As I have progressed in my career,

當我在職業上有進展時，

I have received many words of encouragement,

我得到很多言語的鼓勵，

but I have also often been met by women, men and couples

但我也常遇到一些女人、男人與夫妻，

who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I

他們很明確地對我們夫婦 選擇雙薪家庭的道路存有質疑。

having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.

So you get this well-meaning couple

所以你知道這些出於好心的夫婦

who tells you straight out at a family gathering

在家庭聚會，或是在朋友聚會，

or at a friends gathering,

直接了當地告訴你，

that, come on, you must know you're not a great mom,

哎呀，你必須知道你不是個好媽媽，

given how much you're investing in your career, right?

投資了多少在你的職業生涯，對吧？

I would lie if I said these words didn't hurt.

如果我說這些言語不傷人， 那我絕對在說謊。

My children are the most precious thing to me,

我的孩子是我最珍視的事情，

and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable.

而要我辜負他們的想法 無論如何都是無法忍受的。

But just like I did with John,

但就像我對約翰所做的，

I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues,

我很快地提醒我自己 這些都是他們的問題，

their complexes.

他們的情結。

So instead of replying,

所以我不回答他們，

I gave back one of my largest smiles

只是回敬一個我最大的微笑，

as I saw, in flashing light,

當時我看到，在閃爍的光芒下，

the following sign in my mind's eye.

在我腦海中的跡象。

[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]

「要幸福快樂，讓人們嫉妒瘋狂吧。」

(Applause)

（掌聲）

You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options.

你們看，作為一個年輕女人 遇到這些狀況，你有兩個選擇。

You can either decide to internalize these negative messages

你可以決定去內化這些

被丟在你身上的負面訊息，

that are being thrown at you,

to let them make you feel like a failure,

任憑他們讓你自我貶低，

like success is way too hard to ever achieve,

就像成功是遙不可及般的，

or you can choose to see that others' negativity is their own issue,

或者你可以選擇去看待： 別人的負面能量是他們自己的問題，

and instead transform it into your own personal fuel.

而取而代之地轉換這些 變成你的個人動力。

I have learned to always go for option two,

我已經學會總是選第二個選擇，

and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength.

然後我發現這帶領我不斷強大。

And it's true what they say:

而他們說得是正確的：

success is the best revenge.

成功就是最好的復仇。

Some women in the Middle East

有些中東的女性

are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career.

夠幸運地可以嫁給某個 支持她職業生涯的人。

Correction: I should say "smart enough,"

修正一下「我應該說是『夠聰明』」。

because who you marry is your own choice,

因為你嫁的人是你的選擇，

and you'd better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career.

而你最好可以嫁給很支持你的人， 如果你計畫要有很長的職業生涯。

Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home.

時至今日，阿拉伯男姓 在家中仍不是個公平的貢獻者。

It's simply not expected by our society,

在我們的社會簡而易見地不被期待，

and even frowned upon as not very manly.

甚至會因為沒有男人味而被人不滿。

As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes

對阿拉伯女性來說， 我們的社會仍然認為

that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity

阿拉伯女性主要的 幸福快樂應該來自於

of her children and husband.

她小孩與丈夫的幸福與成功。

She mostly exists for her family.

她幾乎是為了她的家庭而存在。

Things are changing, but it will take time.

事態正在改變，但這會需要些時間。

For now, it means that the professional Arab woman

現在來說，它代表著 職業阿拉伯女性

has to somehow maintain the perfect home,

必須以某種方法維持她的完美家庭，

make sure that her children's every need is being taken care of

確保她孩子的每個需求 都有被照顧到，

and manage her demanding career.

然後經營她耗費盡精力的職業生涯。

To achieve this, I have found the hard way

為了完成這項成就， 我發現了難處在於

that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life.

你需要在你的私生活中去運用你 得來不易的職業技能。

You need to work your life.

你需要巧妙地安排你的生活。

Here is how I do this in my personal life.

以下就是我在我個人生活中做的事。

One thing to know about the Middle East

關於中東需要知道的一件事，

is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help.

就是幾乎每個家庭都能找到 付的起的家務代理。

The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively.

難題因此變成 如何有效地召募這種人。

Just like I would in my business life, I have based the selection

就如同在我的商業生活，

我挑選在我工作時 能幫我打理孩子的人，

of who would support me with my children while I'm at work

on a strong referral.

要靠別人強力的推薦。

Cristina had worked for four years with my sister

克麗思曾與我姐姐一同工作 4 年，

and the quality of her work was well-established.

而她工作的品質是受到公認的。

She is now an integral member of our family,

她現在是我們家庭中 不可或缺的一員，

having been with us since Alia was six months old.

從阿麗亞六個月大的時候 就跟我們在一塊了。

She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I'm at work,

她確保當我在工作時 我們家庭運作順暢，

and I make sure to empower her

而我保障她

in the most optimal conditions for her and my children,

對她和我的孩子來說， 在最佳的狀況下。

just like I would my best talent at work.

就像我用最好的天賦在工作一樣。

This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation,

這個經驗很通用， 無論你如何照顧你的小孩，

whether an au pair, nursery,

是住在家裡的年輕保母、托兒所，

part-time nanny that you share with someone else.

或是你與某些人共用的 臨時保母都一樣。

Choose very carefully, and empower.

請特別小心地選擇， 然後賦予他們自主權。

If you look at my calendar,

如果你檢閱我的行事曆，

you will see every working day

你會看到每個工作日，

one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time

阿拉伯聯合大公國時間 晚上七點到八點半的一個半小時，

blocked and called "family time."

被占據了而且稱作「家庭時間」。

This is sacred time.

這是個神聖的時刻。

I have done this ever since Alia was a baby.

我從阿麗亞還是 嬰兒的時候就這麼做了。

I do everything in my power to protect this time

我竭盡所能地去保留這段時間，

so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children,

所以我可以在這個時間前回到家， 與我的孩子們共度寶貴時光，

asking them about their day,

問問他們的日常，

checking up on homework, reading them a bedtime story

檢查他們的作業， 給他們讀睡前故事，

and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles.

然後給他們許多的吻和擁抱。

If I'm traveling, in whatever the time zone,

如果我正在旅行，無論在哪個時區，

I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away.

我用 Skype 與孩子們聯繫 即使我在數哩之外。

Our son Burhan is five years old,

我們的兒子柏罕現年 5 歲，

and he's learning to read and do basic maths.

而他正在學習閱讀和作基礎運算。

Here's another confession:

這是我另一個懺悔：

I have found that our daughter is actually more successful

我發現我們的女兒 實際上比起我更成功地

at teaching him these skills than I am.

在教他這些技能。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother,

這是從一場遊戲裡開始的，

而阿麗亞愛上去扮演她弟弟的老師，

and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan's literacy,

而我發現到這些活動 實際上改善了柏罕的讀寫能力，

increase Alia's sense of responsibility,

增加了阿麗亞的責任感，

and strengthen the bonding between them,

也強化了他們之間的連結，

a win-win all around.

一切是雙贏的局面。

The successful Arab women I know

我所知道的成功的阿拉伯女性

have each found their unique approach to working their life

個個都發現他們獨特的方法 去安排他們的生活，

as they continue to shoulder

當他們繼續去承擔

the lion's share of responsibility in the home.

最大部分的家庭責任的時候。

But this is not just about surviving in your dual role

但這不僅僅是關於你如何在職業女性 與母親的雙重角色下存活，

as a career woman and mother.

This is also about being in the present.

這也是關於當下的生活。

When I am with my children,

當我跟孩子在一起時，

I try to leave work out of our lives.

我嘗試讓工作離開我們的生活。

Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day,

與其擔心有多少時間 我每天可以陪著他們，

I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments,

我專注在把這些分分秒秒 都變成難忘的片刻。

moments where I'm seeing my kids,

這些時刻我正在看我的孩子，

hearing them, connecting with them.

聆聽他們，與跟他們連結。

["Join forces, don't compete."]

「一起合作吧，不要彼此鬥爭。」

Arab women of my generation have not been very visible

我這代的阿拉伯女性在成長時， 在大眾眼中不是很引人注目，

in the public eye as they grew up.

This explains, I think, to some extent,

這些描述，我認為， 在某種程度上解釋了

why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world.

為什麼你發現在阿拉伯世界的 政治人物中，只有極少數的女性。

The upside of this, however,

好處是，

is that we have spent a lot of time

我們花費許多時間，

developing a social skill behind the scenes,

在幕後發展社交技巧，

in coffee shops, in living rooms,

在咖啡店、在客廳、

on the phone,

在電話中，

a social skill that is very important to success:

有一種社交技巧對成功來說 是非常重要的：

networking.

「建立人脈」。

I would say the average Arab woman

我要說一般阿拉伯女性

has a large network of friends and acquaintances.

有很廣的朋友與認識的人。

The majority of those are also women.

而大部分也都是女人。

In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women

在西方，有野心的女性似乎 經常把自己跟其他女性做比較，

hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room.

希望被注意到是 屋子裡最成功的女人。

This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior

這導致了常被提到的

在職業女性之間的競爭行為。

between professional women.

If there's only room for one woman at the top,

如果只有容得下一位 最優異女性的空間，

then you can't make room for others, much less lift them up.

那你不能為其他人挪出空間， 更不用說激勵她們。

Arab women, generally speaking,

阿拉伯女性，一般來說，

have not fallen for this psychological trap.

沒有掉入這個心理陷阱。

Faced with a patriarchal society,

面對這個父權社會，

they have found that by helping each other out,

她們發現藉由幫助彼此，

all benefit.

所有人都能得到好處。

In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East,

在我前一份工作中， 我在中東是最資深的女性，

so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues

所以能想到投資在我女性同事的人脈

couldn't bring many benefits

並不能帶來很大的效益，

and that I should instead invest my time

而我應該要把時間投資在

developing my relationships with male seniors and peers.

發展我跟男性前輩與同儕的關係。

Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women.

儘管我最大的兩個突破 來自其他女人的幫助。

It was the head of marketing who initially suggested

那是來自於一位行銷領導， 她最初建議

I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum.

我成為一個世界經濟論壇 年輕的全球領導人。

She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications,

她很熟悉我的媒體參與 和我發表的東西，

and when she was asked to voice her opinion,

而當她被要求表達意見時，

she highlighted my name.

她強調了我的名字。

It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend,

這是一位年輕的顧問， 一位沙烏地女士，是我的朋友，

who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia,

她幫我在沙烏地阿拉伯 賣出了我第一個項目，

a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman.

作為一個女人，我發現 很難在這市場得到吸引力。

She introduced me to a client,

她向我介紹一名客戶，

and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi.

而這場介紹開始了我在沙烏地 眾多的項目的第一道曙光。

Today, I have two senior women on my team,

如今，在我的團隊內 有兩個資深的女性，

and I see making them successful as key to my own success.

而我看見，讓她們成功， 就是開啟我成功之路的鑰匙。

Women continue to advance in the world,

女性持續在世界上進步，

not fast enough, but we're moving.

還不算快，但我們正在努力。

The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks.

阿拉伯世界也是如此，正在有所進展， 儘管現在有很多障礙。

Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet,

就在這年，阿拉伯聯合大公國指派 五名新的女部長進入內閣，

for a total of eight female ministers.

總計有 8 位女部長。

That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet,

那相當於內閣人數的 28%，

and more than many developed countries can claim.

可以說比許多已開發國家還多。

This is today my daughter Alia's favorite picture.

時至今日這是我女兒 阿麗亞最愛的圖片。

This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership,

不用懷疑，這是 在偉大的領導之下的結果。

but it is also the result of strong Arab women

但這也是傑出的阿拉伯女性的成就，

not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries.

不放棄並且不斷的推動界線。

It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me

這是阿拉伯女性 每天像我一樣生活的結果，

to convert shit into fuel,

我們把負面能量轉換成動力，

to work their life to keep work out of their life,

去安排他們的生活 在生活外保持發展，

and to join forces and not compete.

然後團結合作不對抗彼此。

As I look to the future,

當我看向未來，

my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage

我希望我的女兒 從現在開始二、三十年後，

some 20, 30 years from now

在那時，

are that she be as proud to call herself her mother's daughter

她能以自己是母親的女兒為傲，

as her father's daughter.

就跟是她父親的女兒一樣驕傲。

My hopes for my son

我希望我的兒子，

are that by then, the expression "her mother's son" or "mama's boy"

在那時也是一樣，描述自己 是「母親的兒子」或是「媽媽的男孩」，

would have taken on a completely different meaning.

將會帶給我們完全不一樣的意義。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）