3 lessons on success from an Arab businesswoman | Leila Hoteit

Translator: 潘 可儿 Reviewer: Queenie Lee

"Mom, who are these people?"

「媽咪，呢啲係咩人啊？」

It was an innocent question from my young daughter Alia

呢個天真嘅問題喺我細女 Alia

around the time when she was three.

喺大概三歲個時提出嚟嘅

We were walking along with my husband

當時我哋同我先生一齊

in one of Abu Dhabi's big fancy malls.

喺 Abu Dhabi 嘅一間大型商場行街

Alia was peering at a huge poster standing tall in the middle of the mall.

Alia 望住掛喺 商場正中央高處嘅巨幅海報

It featured the three rulers of the United Arab Emirates.

上面有阿拉伯聯合酋長國嘅三位酋長

As she tucked in my side,

佢匿埋我嘅身後

I bent down and explained that these were the rulers of the UAE

我彎低腰，同佢講 佢哋係阿聯酋嘅酋長

who had worked hard to develop their nation

佢哋努力發展佢哋嘅國家

and preserve its unity.

維護國家嘅統一

She asked, "Mom, why is it that here where we live,

佢問 ︰「媽咪，點解喺度

and back in Lebanon, where grandma and grandpa live,

同埋喺公公婆婆住嘅黎巴嫩，

we never see the pictures of powerful women on the walls?

我哋都冇見到有女強人嘅相掛喺牆上，

Is it because women are not important?"

係唔係因為女性唔重要？」

This is probably the hardest question I've had to answer in my years as a parent

呢個大概係我為人母以來

and in my 16-plus years of professional life, for that matter.

同埋我 16 年職業生涯中最難答嘅問題

I had grown up in my hometown in Lebanon,

我喺黎巴嫩嘅家鄉長大

我係屋企嘅細妹

the younger of two daughters to a very hard-working pilot

長大之後做咗一位飛行員

and director of operations for the Lebanese Airlines

到後嚟黎巴嫩航空運行總監

and a super-supportive stay-at-home mom and grandma.

再之後成為全職媽媽同抱孫

My father had encouraged my sister and I to pursue our education

我爸爸鼓勵我哋兩姊妹去追求學業

even though our culture emphasized at the time

雖然當時我哋嘅文化認為

that it was sons and not daughters who should be professionally motivated.

只有男仔而非女仔 先可獲得深造嘅機會

I was one of very few girls of my generation

我係我嗰代人其中一個為數不多嘅 女仔喺 18 歲出國留學

who left home at 18 to study abroad.

My father didn't have a son,

我爸爸膝下無子

and so I, in a sense, became his.

所以喺某種程度上，我就係佢嘅仔

Fast-forward a couple of decades, and I hope I didn't do too badly

如果時光可以倒流幾十年

in making my father proud of his would-be son.

我希望自己成為爸爸自豪嘅「仔」

As I got my Bachelor's and PhD in electrical engineering,

當我取得電氣工程嘅學士、博士學位

did R and D in the UK, then consulting in the Middle East,

喺英國做研發，喺中東做技術顧問

I have always been in male-dominated environments.

我一直都處於由男人掌控嘅環境

Truth be told, I have never found a role model I could truly identify with.

老實講，我從未搵到我真心認同嘅榜樣

My mother's generation wasn't into professional leadership.

我媽媽嗰代人，冇女人擠身到領導層

There were some encouraging men along the way,

我一直都遇到一啲好好人嘅男上司

但係冇一個人知道我嘅需要同壓力

but none knew the demands and pressures I was facing,

pressures that got particularly acute when I had my own two beautiful children.

特別係有咗兩個細路之後雪上加霜

And although Western women love to give us poor, oppressed Arab women advice,

雖然西方女人樂意畀建議我 呢啲貧窮、受壓迫嘅阿拉伯女人

they live different lives with different constraints.

但係佢哋嘅生活同制肘同我哋截然不同

So Arab women of my generation have had to become our own role models.

所以我呢一代嘅阿拉伯女性 必須要成為自己嘅榜樣

We have had to juggle more than Arab men,

我哋需要比阿拉伯男性能加能幹

and we have had to face more cultural rigidity than Western women.

必須要承受比西方女性更嚴重嘅偏見

As a result, I would like to think that we poor, oppressed women

因此，我認為我哋 呢啲貧窮、受壓迫嘅女人

actually have some useful, certainly hard-earned lessons to share,

有一啲有用、來之不易嘅經驗要分享

lessons that might turn out useful

呢啲經驗可能會

對渴望立足於當今世界嘅人有用

for anyone wishing to thrive in the modern world.

Here are three of mine.

以下喺我嘅三個經驗

["Convert their sh*t into your fuel."]

[ 將佢哋嘅垃圾（負能量） 變成你嘅燃料（動力） ]

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

There is this word that everybody is touting as the key to success:

以下詞語受每個人 奉為成功嘅不二法門：

resilience.

堅忍

Well, what exactly is resilience, and how do you develop it?

但「堅忍」實際係乜嘢，又要點培養？

I believe resilience is simply the ability to transform shit into fuel.

我堅信堅忍就係將 負能量轉化為動力嘅能力

In my previous job, well before my current firm,

好耐之前我喺前東家工作

I was working with a man we will call John.

我同一個男同事，我哋叫佢 John

I had teamed up with John and was working hard,

我同 John 搭檔，我好努力工作

hoping he would notice how great I was

希望佢可以意識到我有幾咁出色

and that he would come to support my case to make partner at the firm.

咁佢就會支持我喺公司裏面同人搭檔

I was, in addition to delivering on my consulting projects,

當時，除咗交我嘅顧問報告

writing passionately on the topic of women economic empowerment.

我仲好有熱情研究女性嘅經濟權力

One day, I got to present my research to a roomful of MBA students.

有一日，我要向成間房嘅 工管碩士生報告研究

John was part of the audience

John 係其中一位聽眾

listening for the first time to the details of my study.

佢第一次聽我研究嘅內容

As I proceeded with my presentation,

當我繼續我嘅報告時

I could see John in the corner of my eye.

我睇到 John

He had turned a dark shade of pink

佢面色漲紅

and had slid under his chair in apparent shame.

好似羞愧咁癱坐喺張椅度

I finished my presentation to an applauding audience

當報告完畢，聽眾拍手

and we rushed out and jumped into the car.

我哋飛奔出去，坐上車

There he exploded.

佢突然之間情緒爆發咁

"What you did up there was unacceptable!

「你啱啱講嘅嘢令人難以接受！

You are a consultant, not an activist!"

你係顧問，唔係搞社運！」

I said, "John, I don't understand.

我講︰「John，我唔明，

I presented a couple of gender parity indices,

我舉出咗幾個性別平等指數

and some conclusions about the Arab world.

同埋一啲關於阿拉伯世界嘅結論。

Yes, we do happen to be today at the bottom of the index,

冇錯，喺指數上 我哋依家確實處於劣勢，

but what is it that I said or presented that was not factual?"

但點可以否認我嘅報告呢？」

To which he replied, "The whole premise of your study is wrong.

佢反駁︰ 「你成個研究嘅前提都係錯嘅，

What you are doing is dangerous and will break the social fabric of our society."

無異於玩火自焚， 破壞我哋社會結構。」

He paused, then added,

佢停咗一下，又繼續講

"When women have children, their place is in the home."

「女人有咗細路之後， 家庭就係歸宿。」

Time stood still for a long while,

時間繼續流逝

and all I could think and repeat in the chaos of my brain was:

混亂中我唯一諗到、重複嘅係：

"You can forget about that partnership, Leila.

「Leila，你可以忘記呢段搭檔關係，

It's just never going to happen."

佢已經成為過去。」

It took me a couple of days to fully absorb this incident and its implications,

我用咗幾日去完全消化呢件事

but once I did, I reached three conclusions.

後來，我得出咗三個結論

One, that these were his issues,

第一，呢啲係佢嘅問題

his complexes.

係佢糾纏

There may be many like him in our society,

可能呢個社會中有好多人同佢一樣嘅人

but I would never let their issues become mine.

但係我冇必要令到佢成為我嘅問題

Two, that I needed another sponsor, and fast.

第二，我需要快啲搵到另一個贊助人

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I got one, by the way, and boy, was he great.

順帶一提，我搵到咗一個 仲係個好男仔

And three, that I would get to show John what women with children can do.

第三，我想畀 John 睇到 人母都可以事業有成

I apply this lesson equally well to my personal life.

我將呢個經驗好好咁實踐喺個人生活

As I have progressed in my career,

當我事業有成

I have received many words of encouragement,

我聽到好多鼓勵之詞

但係都有好多男人、女人、夫妻

but I have also often been met by women, men and couples

who have clearly had an issue with my husband and I

對我哋夫妻都外出工作嘅選擇

having chosen the path of a dual-career couple.

感到不解

So you get this well-meaning couple

呢啲人會喺家庭聚會、朋友聚會上面

who tells you straight out at a family gathering

or at a friends gathering,

that, come on, you must know you're not a great mom,

話你唔係個好媽媽

given how much you're investing in your career, right?

因為你將好多心機擺喺工作裏邊

I would lie if I said these words didn't hurt.

如果我話呢啲話唔傷人，係呃人

My children are the most precious thing to me,

仔女對我嚟講係最珍貴嘅

and the thought that I could be failing them in any way is intolerable.

任何覺得我會辜負仔女嘅諗法 都難以忍受

But just like I did with John,

但係就好似我對 John 咁

I quickly reminded myself that these were their issues,

我好快就提醒自己呢啲係佢哋嘅問題

their complexes.

係佢哋糾結

So instead of replying,

所以與其回答

I gave back one of my largest smiles

我只係笑臉相迎

as I saw, in flashing light,

因為有一樣嘢浮現喺我腦海裏面

the following sign in my mind's eye.

[Be happy, it drives people crazy.]

[ 做人最緊要開心。]

（掌聲）

(Applause)

You see, as a young woman in these situations, you have two options.

身陷呢啲情況嘅年輕女人 有兩個選擇

You can either decide to internalize these negative messages

一係選擇接收負能量

that are being thrown at you,

to let them make you feel like a failure,

令你覺得自己係失敗者

like success is way too hard to ever achieve,

就好似成功永遠都遙不可及

or you can choose to see that others' negativity is their own issue,

抑或係你視人哋嘅消極與你無關

and instead transform it into your own personal fuel.

並且將佢嘅消極轉化成你嘅積極

I have learned to always go for option two,

我往往會選擇第二個

and I have found that it has taken me from strength to strength.

我意識到咁會令到我內心更加強大

And it's true what they say:

至理名言：

success is the best revenge.

成功係最好嘅復仇

Some women in the Middle East

一啲中東嘅女性可以嫁畀 一個支持佢哋事業嘅人

are lucky enough to be married to someone supportive of their career.

實在係三生有幸

Correction: I should say "smart enough,"

糾正：應該係「有智慧」至真

because who you marry is your own choice,

因為你同邊個結婚，係你自己嘅選擇

and you'd better marry someone supportive if you plan to have a long career.

如果想有事業有長遠發展 你最好搵返個支持你嘅人

Still today, the Arab man is not an equal contributor in the home.

時至今日，阿拉伯男性依然 冇對家庭承擔起同等應負嘅責任

It's simply not expected by our society,

當然我哋嘅社會都冇期待過

and even frowned upon as not very manly.

甚至認為係一種冇男子氣概嘅行為

As for the Arab woman, our society still assumes

至於阿拉伯女性，我哋嘅社會依然認為

一個女人嘅幸福應該嚟自於仔女同丈夫

that her primary source of happiness should be the happiness and prosperity

of her children and husband.

She mostly exists for her family.

女性為佢嘅家庭而生

Things are changing, but it will take time.

但一切都會改變，只係需要時間啫

For now, it means that the professional Arab woman

咁意味著，依家阿拉伯嘅職業女性

has to somehow maintain the perfect home,

既要想辦法維繫完美家庭

make sure that her children's every need is being taken care of

又要保證佢嘅細路仔嘅所有需求 得到滿足

and manage her demanding career.

同時又要為高要求嘅工作拼搏

To achieve this, I have found the hard way

為咗做到曬以上三樣嘢 我搵到一個方法

that you need to apply your hard-earned professional skills to your personal life.

使你應用來之不易嘅職業技能 到個人生活上

You need to work your life.

你需要活出你嘅生活

Here is how I do this in my personal life.

呢個就係我生活中嘅做法

One thing to know about the Middle East

有一件關於中東嘅事係你要知道嘅

is that nearly every family has access to affordable domestic help.

就係幾乎每個家庭都請得起家庭工

The challenge therefore becomes how to recruit effectively.

因此難題就變成咗點樣有效招聘

Just like I would in my business life, I have based the selection

就好似作為商人，我會傾向於選擇

of who would support me with my children while I'm at work

既喺我工作嗰時 可以幫我照顧細路仔嘅人

on a strong referral.

又係受人強烈推薦嘅

Cristina had worked for four years with my sister

Cristina 同我姐姐做咗四年工

and the quality of her work was well-established.

佢嘅表現無可挑剔

She is now an integral member of our family,

依家佢係我哋家庭不可缺少嘅一份子

having been with us since Alia was six months old.

從 Alia 6 個月大個時就同我們一齊生活

She makes sure that the house is running smoothly while I'm at work,

佢確保我工作嗰時屋企得到適切打理

and I make sure to empower her

而我會為佢提供一個

in the most optimal conditions for her and my children,

對佢同我細路仔都最為適合嘅環境

just like I would my best talent at work.

就好似我會喺工作中做到最好一樣

This lesson applies whatever your childcare situation,

呢個經驗對兒童都啱用

whether an au pair, nursery,

無論你用緊嘅係互惠生、托兒所 抑或兼職保姆

part-time nanny that you share with someone else.

Choose very carefully, and empower.

看護人當然要非常謹慎咁揀 但亦都要放手畀看護人

If you look at my calendar,

如果你嚟睇睇我嘅日曆

you will see every working day

你就會發現每個工作日嘅

one and a half hours from 7pm to 8:30pm UAE time

晚上 7 點到 8 點半 呢一個半鐘

blocked and called "family time."

都劃做「家庭時間」

This is sacred time.

呢個係「神聖」嘅時間

I have done this ever since Alia was a baby.

從 Alia 係嬰兒嗰時我就開始咁做

I do everything in my power to protect this time

我盡我一切所能去分配呢段時間

so that I can be home by then to spend quality time with my children,

咁我就可以喺屋企 好好同我嘅細路仔共處

asking them about their day,

譬如問下佢哋今日過得點樣

checking up on homework, reading them a bedtime story

檢查佢哋嘅功課 同佢哋講一個睡前故事

and giving them lots of kisses and cuddles.

錫下佢哋、攬下佢哋

If I'm traveling, in whatever the time zone,

如果我去咗旅遊，無論喺邊個時區

I use Skype to connect with my children even if I am miles away.

儘管相隔千里 我都會用 Skype 同細路仔聯絡

Our son Burhan is five years old,

我哋嘅仔仔 Burhan 依家五歲大

and he's learning to read and do basic maths.

佢喺度學緊做簡單嘅數學題

Here's another confession:

我又要坦白另一件事：

I have found that our daughter is actually more successful

我發現我哋個女比我更有效教仔仔數學

at teaching him these skills than I am.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It started as a game, but Alia loves playing teacher to her little brother,

一開始只係一個遊戲 但 Alia 鍾意扮成老師教弟弟

and I have found that these sessions actually improve Burhan's literacy,

而我發現呢個過程提高咗 Burhan 識字能力

增加咗 Alia 嘅責任感

increase Alia's sense of responsibility,

and strengthen the bonding between them,

同時令佢哋嘅感情更加深厚

a win-win all around.

咁係一件雙贏嘅事

The successful Arab women I know

我所知道嘅成功阿拉伯女性

have each found their unique approach to working their life

都搵到獨特嘅方法去過佢哋嘅生活

as they continue to shoulder

同時仲要承受家庭重擔

the lion's share of responsibility in the home.

但係呢個唔單只關乎同時勝任 職業女性同母親呢兩種角色

But this is not just about surviving in your dual role

as a career woman and mother.

This is also about being in the present.

仲關乎活在當下

When I am with my children,

當我同我嘅細路仔一齊嗰時

I try to leave work out of our lives.

我盡力唔掂工作

Instead of worrying about how many minutes I can spend with them every day,

與其擔心每日有幾多時間 可以同佢哋一齊

I focus on turning these minutes into memorable moments,

我會將天倫之樂轉化為美好嘅回憶

moments where I'm seeing my kids,

所謂天倫之樂，就係我望住細路仔

hearing them, connecting with them.

聆聽佢哋心聲，同佢哋喺埋一齊

["Join forces, don't compete."]

[ 合作好過競爭。]

我呢一代嘅阿拉伯女性

Arab women of my generation have not been very visible

冇好好得到公眾關注

in the public eye as they grew up.

This explains, I think, to some extent,

咁就可以解釋

why you find so few women in politics in the Arab world.

點解阿拉伯世界咁少女性從政

The upside of this, however,

但係，咁有一個好處

is that we have spent a lot of time

通過花費大量時間喺幕後

developing a social skill behind the scenes,

包括咖啡店、客廳

in coffee shops, in living rooms,

on the phone,

同電話裏面

a social skill that is very important to success:

我哋發展出 一種對成功至關重要嘅社會技能：

networking.

網絡

I would say the average Arab woman

我可以講一般嘅阿拉伯女性

has a large network of friends and acquaintances.

都有龐大嘅社交網絡

The majority of those are also women.

呢個網絡當中主要都係女性

In the West, it seems like ambitious women often compare themselves to other women

喺西方，有野心嘅女人 似乎經常會將自己同人哋比較

hoping to be noticed as the most successful woman in the room.

希望被認受為最為出類拔萃嘅女人

This leads to the much-spoken-about competitive behavior

呢個就引伸出老生常談嘅

between professional women.

職業女性之間嘅競爭行為

If there's only room for one woman at the top,

如果最高職位只能夠畀一位女性坐

then you can't make room for others, much less lift them up.

其他人就冇機會上，更加唔好提拔

Arab women, generally speaking,

一般嚟講，阿拉伯女性 冇踩入呢個心理陷阱

have not fallen for this psychological trap.

Faced with a patriarchal society,

反而生活喺一個男尊女卑嘅社會

they have found that by helping each other out,

佢哋發現互相幫助

all benefit.

會令所有人受惠

In my previous job, I was the most senior woman in the Middle East,

我之前份工嘅職級 係中東國家婦女之中最高

so one could think that investing in my network of female colleagues

所以有人會認為 我投資喺在職婦女身上毫無好處

couldn't bring many benefits

and that I should instead invest my time

反而認為我應該將自己嘅時間

發展同男性前輩、同輩嘅關係

developing my relationships with male seniors and peers.

Yet two of my biggest breaks came through the support of other women.

但我兩個最大嘅突破 都源自其他女性嘅支持

It was the head of marketing who initially suggested

一位市場推廣巨頭最初建議

I be considered as a young global leader to the World Economic Forum.

我以年輕全球領袖嘅身分 出席世界經濟論壇

She was familiar with my media engagements and my publications,

佢熟悉我嘅媒體活動同出版物

and when she was asked to voice her opinion,

當佢被邀請發表意見個時

佢提到我︰

she highlighted my name.

It was a young consultant, a Saudi lady and friend,

「一位任職顧問嘅年輕沙特女性朋友

who helped me sell my first project in Saudi Arabia,

幫我推銷沙特第一個項目。

a market I was finding hard to gain traction in as a woman.

嗰時我因為女性身份屢屢碰壁，

She introduced me to a client,

佢將我介紹畀一位顧客，

and that introduction led to the first of very many projects for me in Saudi.

到我後來接手做好多沙特嘅項目。

Today, I have two senior women on my team,

依家，我嘅團隊裏面有兩位資深女性，

and I see making them successful as key to my own success.

我將佢哋嘅成功視為 自己成功嘅關鍵。」

Women continue to advance in the world,

女性繼續進步

not fast enough, but we're moving.

雖然唔夠快，但係我哋一直都進步緊

The Arab world, too, is making progress, despite many recent setbacks.

同樣，阿拉伯世界 雖然困難重重，都有進步

Just this year, the UAE appointed five new female ministers to its cabinet,

就喺今年，阿聯酋內閣 任命五位女性大臣

for a total of eight female ministers.

令女性大臣總共有八位

That's nearly 28 percent of the cabinet,

所占比例大概係內閣人數嘅 28％

and more than many developed countries can claim.

遠多於好多發達國家政府內閣嘅比例

This is today my daughter Alia's favorite picture.

呢張係我嘅女 Alia 最鍾意嘅相

This is the result, no doubt, of great leadership,

毫無疑問，呢個係 優秀領導之下嘅豐碩成果

but it is also the result of strong Arab women

亦都係堅強嘅阿拉伯女性嘅奮鬥成果

not giving up and continuously pushing the boundaries.

佢哋從未放棄，為打破藩籬而孜孜不倦

It is the result of Arab women deciding every day like me

呢個結果反映阿拉伯女性好似我咁

to convert shit into fuel,

每日將負能量轉換成動力

to work their life to keep work out of their life,

活出佢哋嘅生活，而平時唔講工作

and to join forces and not compete.

唔鬥個你死我活，反之一齊合作

As I look to the future,

當我展望未來

my hopes for my daughter when she stands on this stage

我希望佢我嘅女

二三十年之後企喺呢個舞臺上

some 20, 30 years from now

are that she be as proud to call herself her mother's daughter

因為自己係佢父母嘅女而自豪

as her father's daughter.

我希望我嘅仔長大之後

My hopes for my son

are that by then, the expression "her mother's son" or "mama's boy"

「佢媽媽嘅仔」或者「媽咪嘅乖仔」

would have taken on a completely different meaning.

兩種嘅表述會有截然不同嘅意義

Thank you.

多謝

(Applause)

（掌聲）