Why you should define your fears instead of your goals | Tim Ferriss | TED

翻译人员: Ying Lu 校对人员: Conway Ye

So, this happy pic of me was taken in 1999.

我这张快乐的照片拍摄于1999年。

I was a senior in college,

当年我大四，

and it was right after a dance practice.

拍摄于舞蹈练习之后。

I was really, really happy.

我当时非常开心。

And I remember exactly where I was about a week and a half later.

我清楚地记得在一周半之后，

I was sitting in the back of my used minivan

我坐在我旧的小货车后座，

in a campus parking lot,

在校园停车场，

when I decided

当时我决定

I was going to commit suicide.

我要自杀。

I went from deciding to full-blown planning very quickly.

我很快下定决心并有了周全的计划。

And I came this close to the edge of the precipice.

然而我悬崖勒马。

It's the closest I've ever come.

死亡近在咫尺。

And the only reason I took my finger off the trigger

我未扣动扳机的唯一原因

was thanks to a few lucky coincidences.

是一些幸运的巧合。

And after the fact,

在此之后，

that's what scared me the most: the element of chance.

我意识到真正让我恐惧的是机会。

So I became very methodical about testing different ways

因此我开始井然有序地尝试不同方式

that I could manage my ups and downs,

来控制我生活的跌宕起伏，

which has proven to be a good investment. (Laughs)

现在看来这是个不错的投资。

（笑声）

Many normal people might have, say, six to 10 major depressive episodes

大部分普通人一生中会有 6-10 次

较为严重的抑郁阶段。

in their lives.

I have bipolar depression. It runs in my family.

我有躁郁症，是我家的遗传病。

I've had 50-plus at this point,

我大概已经有 50 多次

and I've learned a lot.

我学到了很多。

I've had a lot of at-bats,

我内心有很多蝙蝠，

many rounds in the ring with darkness,

它们在黑暗中轮回着飞行，

taking good notes.

寻找着出口。

So I thought rather than get up and give any type of recipe for success

因此我认为与其给大家任何成功心灵鸡汤

or highlight reel,

或者经典语录，

I would share my recipe for avoiding self-destruction,

我会分享如何避免自我毁灭的秘诀，

and certainly self-paralysis.

与避免自我麻痹的秘方。

And the tool I've found which has proven to be the most reliable safety net

我所找到的并被证实为最可靠安全的

for emotional free fall

情绪安全网

is actually the same tool

也正是

我用来做出最佳商业决定的工具。

that has helped me to make my best business decisions.

But that is secondary.

但是这是次要的。

And it is ... stoicism.

它就是斯多葛学派。

That sounds boring.

听起来很无聊。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

You might think of Spock,

你也许会想到斯波克，

or it might conjure and image like this --

或者会幻想到这样的画面：

(Laughter)

（笑声）

a cow standing in the rain.

一头站在雨中的牛。

It's not sad. It's not particularly happy.

它不悲伤，也并非快乐。

It's just an impassive creature taking whatever life sends its way.

它不过是一个逆来顺受的 无动于衷的生物。

You might not think of the ultimate competitor, say, Bill Belichick,

你也许不会想到与其相反的人， 比如比尔·贝利奇克，

head coach of the New England Patriots,

新英格兰爱国者队主教练，

who has the all-time NFL record for Super Bowl titles.

他有 NFL 历史上最多的超级碗冠军。

And stoicism has spread like wildfire in the top of the NFL ranks

斯多葛学派在 NFL 排行榜榜首中像野火一样蔓延，

as a means of mental toughness training in the last few years.

作为近几年来训练心智的手段。

You might not think of the Founding Fathers --

你也许想不到我们国家的奠基人，

Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, George Washington

托马斯·杰斐逊、约翰·亚当斯、 乔治·华盛顿

to name but three students of stoicism.

他们都是斯多葛学派的信奉者。

George Washington actually had a play about a Stoic --

事实上，乔治·华盛顿 有一部有关于斯多葛学派的戏剧

this was "Cato, a Tragedy" --

这就《卡托，一个悲剧》

performed for his troops at Valley Forge to keep them motivated.

曾鼓励他部队在福吉谷时的军心。

So why would people of action focus so much on an ancient philosophy?

为什么人们会如此在乎一个古老的哲学？

This seems very academic.

这似乎非常学术。

I would encourage you to think about stoicism a little bit differently,

我建议从另一个角度看待斯多葛学派，

as an operating system for thriving in high-stress environments,

这是一个在高压环境中成功的机制，

for making better decisions.

做出更好的选择。

And it all started here,

所有的一切

kind of,

似乎都源于

on a porch.

一个门廊。

So around 300 BC in Athens,

在公元前300年左右的雅典，

someone named Zeno of Citium taught many lectures

一位叫“季蒂昂的芝诺”的导师 教授很多课程

walking around a painted porch, a "stoa."

经常游走在涂满绘画的门廊，即“拱柱”。

That later became "stoicism."

这之后就成为“斯多葛学派”。

And in the Greco-Roman world,

而在希腊罗马世界，

people used stoicism as a comprehensive system

人们把斯多葛学派作为一个全面的系统

for doing many, many things.

能解决很多事情。

But for our purposes, chief among them was training yourself

于我们而言， 最主要的目的是训练我们自己

to separate what you can control from what you cannot control,

将可控和不可控的事情分开，

and then doing exercises to focus exclusively

然后训练如何专注于于前者。

on the former.

This decreases emotional reactivity,

这将降低情绪的反应力，

which can be a superpower.

这将成为一种超能力。

Conversely, let's say you're a quarterback.

相反，假设你是四分卫，

You miss a pass. You get furious with yourself.

你没有接到一个传球，对自己生气。

That could cost you a game.

这会让你输掉比赛。

If you're a CEO, and you fly off the handle at a very valued employee

如果你是一个 CEO，对一位 极有价值的员工大发雷霆

because of a minor infraction,

仅因为一个小错误，

that could cost you the employee.

你可能会失去一个员工。

If you're a college student who, say, is in a downward spiral,

如果你是一个大学生， 你处在低潮期，

and you feel helpless and hopeless,

你觉得无助和无望，

unabated, that could cost you your life.

这可能让你失去生命。

So the stakes are very, very high.

所以赌注还是非常高的。

And there are many tools in the toolkit to get you there.

工具箱里有很多工具能帮到你。

I'm going to focus on one that completely changed my life in 2004.

我会着重分享一个在2004年 完全改变我人生的工具。

It found me then because of two things:

两件事情让我深受触动：

a very close friend, young guy, my age, died of pancreatic cancer unexpectedly,

一个与我年龄相仿的男性挚友 意外死于胰腺癌，

and then my girlfriend, who I thought I was going to marry, walked out.

之后是我以为是 真命天女的女朋友离我而去。

She'd had enough, and she didn't give me a Dear John letter,

她受够了，她没有给我一封分手信，

but she did give me this,

但她却送我了一个

a Dear John plaque.

分手板牌。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I'm not making this up. I've kept it.

这不是我编的，我还留着它。

"Business hours are over at five o'clock."

“工作时间在5点结束。”

She gave this to me to put on my desk for personal health,

出于对我健康的关心， 她把这个放在我的桌上，

because at the time, I was working on my first real business.

因为当时我正投入于我的第一个事业。

I had no idea what I was doing. I was working 14-plus hour days,

我不明白当时我在干嘛， 只知道每天工作14个小时以上，

seven days a week.

每周7天。

I was using stimulants to get going.

我用兴奋剂来刺激自己工作，

I was using depressants to wind down and go to sleep.

用镇抑剂来放松和助眠。

It was a disaster.

这是一场灾难。

I felt completely trapped.

我彻底沦陷了。

I bought a book on simplicity to try to find answers.

我买了关于简朴生活的书来寻找答案。

And I did find a quote that made a big difference in my life,

我的确找到一个改变我人生的警句，

which was, "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality,"

““折磨我們的往往是想像， 而不是真實””

by Seneca the Younger,

出自塞内卡，

who was a famous Stoic writer.

他是著名的斯多葛学派作家。

That took me to his letters,

这引领我读他的书信，

which took me to the exercise,

让我开始练习，

"premeditatio malorum,"

"premeditatio malorum,"

which means the pre-meditation of evils.

意思是在最坏情况来临前提前预想。

In simple terms,

简而言之，

this is visualizing the worst-case scenarios, in detail, that you fear,

预想最坏的情景及你所恐惧的细节，

preventing you from taking action,

防止你采取任何行动，

so that you can take action to overcome that paralysis.

因此你可以采取行动，来摆脱恐惧。

My problem was monkey mind -- super loud, very incessant.

我当时头脑一片混乱， 充满着连续不断嘈杂的声音。

Just thinking my way through problems doesn't work.

通过思考我的问题没有什么用处。

I needed to capture my thoughts on paper.

我需要把想法都写在纸上。

So I created a written exercise

因此我设计了一个写作练习

that I called "fear-setting," like goal-setting,

我称之为“恐惧设置”，

for myself.

就像目标设置一样。

It consists of three pages.

它由3页纸组成。

Super simple.

非常简单。

The first page is right here.

第一页是这样的。

"What if I ...?"

“如果我...?”

This is whatever you fear,

这是你所恐惧的东西，

whatever is causing you anxiety,

让你焦虑的东西，

whatever you're putting off.

被拖延的东西。

It could be asking someone out,

它可能是邀约某人，

ending a relationship,

结束一段关系，

asking for a promotion, quitting a job, starting a company.

提出升职，辞职或者创业。

It could be anything.

它可以是任何事情。

For me, it was taking my first vacation in four years

与我而言，它是在工作 4年后第一次休假

and stepping away from my business for a month to go to London,

我离开公司去伦敦休息一个月，

where I could stay in a friend's room for free,

我可以免费住在伦敦朋友的房间里，

to either remove myself as a bottleneck in the business

让我从生意的瓶颈中解放自己

or shut it down.

或者结束它。

In the first column, "Define,"

在第一栏“定义”中，

you're writing down all of the worst things you can imagine happening

你写下所有你预想中 会发生的最坏的事情

if you take that step.

如果你采取这一步行动。

You want 10 to 20.

你需要写下10到20个。

I won't go through all of them, but I'll give you two examples.

我不会每一个都详述， 但我举两个例子。

One was, I'll go to London, it'll be rainy, I'll get depressed,

一个是如果我去伦敦， 伦敦在下雨的话，我会很沮丧。

the whole thing will be a huge waste of time.

整个旅程就是浪费时间。

Number two, I'll miss a letter from the IRS,

第二个是我错过了美国国税局的信，

and I'll get audited

我将被查税

or raided or shut down or some such.

或者被抨击或者关闭等。

And then you go to the "Prevent" column.

这时可以使用“预防”一栏。

In that column, you write down the answer to:

在这一栏中，你写下答案：

What could I do to prevent each of these bullets from happening,

我能做什么来预防这些事情发生，

or, at the very least, decrease the likelihood even a little bit?

或者至少降低发生的可能性？

So for getting depressed in London,

因此当我在伦敦觉得沮丧时，

I could take a portable blue light with me

我可以随身携带便携式蓝光

and use it for 15 minutes in the morning.

在早上使用15分钟。

I knew that helped stave off depressive episodes.

我知道这会帮助我摆脱抑郁。

For the IRS bit, I could change the mailing address on file with the IRS

对于国税局， 我可以修改在国税局的邮寄地址，

so the paperwork would go to my accountant

因此文件到我的会计手上

instead of to my UPS address.

而不是我的UPS地址。

Easy-peasy.

超级简单。

Then we go to "Repair."

接下来我们到“修复”一栏。

So if the worst-case scenarios happen,

如果最坏的情况发生，

what could you do to repair the damage even a little bit,

你能做什么来减轻损失，

or who could you ask for help?

或者你能向谁寻求帮助？

So in the first case, London,

因此第一个伦敦的例子，

well, I could fork over some money, fly to Spain, get some sun --

我会多花点钱，去西班牙享受阳光，

undo the damage, if I got into a funk.

来弥补损失，如果我陷入恐慌中。

In the case of missing a letter from the IRS,

如果我错过美国国税局的来件，

I could call a friend who is a lawyer

我可以给当律师的朋友打电话

or ask, say, a professor of law

或者咨询法学教授

what they would recommend,

他们的意见，

who I should talk to, how had people handled this in the past.

我将向他们请教 过去类似的情况是如何处理的。

So one question to keep in mind as you're doing this first page is:

在填写第一页时请谨记一个问题：

Has anyone else in the history of time

过去是否有人

less intelligent or less driven

不够聪明或者缺乏主动性

figured this out?

来弄清楚这些问题吗？

Chances are, the answer is "Yes."

答案是“是的”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The second page is simple:

第二页很简单：

What might be the benefits of an attempt or a partial success?

一次尝试或部分成功会带来哪些好处？

You can see we're playing up the fears

你可以看到我们直面恐惧

and really taking a conservative look at the upside.

同时保持谨慎。

So if you attempted whatever you're considering,

因此当你尝试你想做的事情的时候，

might you build confidence, develop skills,

也许你可以建立自信，

emotionally, financially, otherwise?

提高情绪、经济等方面的技能。

What might be the benefits of, say, a base hit?

一个安打能带来哪些好处？

Spend 10 to 15 minutes on this.

花10到15分钟时间思考下。

Page three.

第三页。

This might be the most important, so don't skip it:

这很可能是最重要的，不要跳过。

"The Cost of Inaction."

“不行动的代价”。

Humans are very good at considering what might go wrong

人类非常善于设想可能出错的事情

if we try something new, say, ask for a raise.

如果我们尝试新的事情，例如加薪。

What we don't often consider is the atrocious cost of the status quo --

我们通常忽视维持现状所付出的代价

not changing anything.

什么都不改变。

So you should ask yourself,

因此你要扪心自问，

if I avoid this action or decision

如果我错过这次行动或决定

and actions and decisions like it,

以及类似的行动和决定，

what might my life look like in, say, six months, 12 months, three years?

6个月，12个月，3年后我的 生活会是什么样子？

Any further out, it starts to seem intangible.

刚开始，这些变化非常细微。

And really get detailed -- again, emotionally, financially,

但从情感、经济、身体等方面

physically, whatever.

再次仔细地思考。

And when I did this, it painted a terrifying picture.

当我这样做的时候， 它展示一幅可怕的画面。

I was self-medicating,

我当时是自我疗愈，

my business was going to implode at any moment at all times,

我的生意随时都将结束

if I didn't step away.

如果我不离开。

My relationships were fraying or failing.

我的人际关系也在日益递减。

And I realized that inaction was no longer an option for me.

我意识到不采取行动 不再是我的一个选择。

Those are the three pages. That's it. That's fear-setting.

这就是恐惧设置的三页纸。

And after this, I realized that on a scale of one to 10,

之后，我意识到用1到10来评测，

one being minimal impact, 10 being maximal impact,

1是最小的影响，10是最大的影响，

if I took the trip, I was risking

如果我踏上旅途，我将面对

a one to three of temporary and reversible pain

1到3个短暂的可解决的苦恼，

for an eight to 10 of positive, life-changing impact

还有8到10个能深刻改变我生活的

that could be a semi-permanent.

积极影响。

So I took the trip.

因此我选择了旅程。

None of the disasters came to pass.

然而我预想的灾难一个也没发生。

There were some hiccups, sure.

当然会有一些小问题。

I was able to extricate myself from the business.

我能将自己从生意中抽离出来。

I ended up extending that trip for a year and a half around the world,

最后我延长了那个环球旅行， 花了一年半的时间，

and that became the basis for my first book,

这也是我第一本书的素材来源，

that leads me here today.

最后让我今天站在了这里。

And I can trace all of my biggest wins

回顾我取得赢得的最大成就

and all of my biggest disasters averted

和避免的巨大灾难

back to doing fear-setting

都是因为至少每一季度

at least once a quarter.

我都做一次恐惧设置。

It's not a panacea.

它并非灵丹妙药。

You'll find that some of your fears are very well-founded.

你会发现有些恐惧貨真價實。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

But you shouldn't conclude that

但是你不能在仔細檢視前，

without first putting them under a microscope.

做出结论。

And it doesn't make all the hard times, the hard choices, easy,

它不会让每一次困难时期 和艰难的选择轻而易举，

but it can make a lot of them easier.

但是确实会简单很多。

I'd like to close with a profile of one of my favorite modern-day Stoics.

我想以一位我所钟爱的 当代斯多葛学派人物来结束。

This is Jerzy Gregorek.

他是杰克西·格雷戈里克。

He is a four-time world champion in Olympic weightlifting,

他4次荣获奥林匹克举重项目冠军，

political refugee,

政治难民，

published poet,

出版诗人，

62 years old.

62岁。

He can still kick my ass and probably most asses in this room.

他能让我甚至 在座的大部分人都甘拜下风。

He's an impressive guy.

他令人折服。

I spent a lot of time on his stoa, his porch,

我花了很多时间徘徊在他的拱柱

asking life and training advice.

向他请教有关生活和训练的建议。

He was part of the Solidarity in Poland,

他曾是波兰团结工会的一员，

which was a nonviolent movement for social change

这是一个推进社会改革的非暴力运动，

that was violently suppressed by the government.

遭到了政府的暴力镇压。

He lost his career as a firefighter.

为此他断送了做为消防员的职业生涯。

Then his mentor, a priest, was kidnapped, tortured, killed

他的导师，一个牧师被绑架、 折磨并被杀害后

and thrown into a river.

抛尸河中。

He was then threatened.

他也遭到了威胁。

He and his wife had to flee Poland, bounce from country to country

他和妻子逃离波兰后， 辗转于不同国家之间

until they landed in the US with next to nothing,

直到身无分文地到达美国，

sleeping on floors.

睡在地上。

He now lives in Woodside, California, in a very nice place,

他现在住在加州伍德赛德 一个很美的地方，

and of the 10,000-plus people I've met in my life,

在我生命中遇到的10000多个人中，

I would put him in the top 10,

我将他列为前10，

in terms of success and happiness.

就成功和幸福而言。

And there's a punchline coming, so pay attention.

大家注意，重点来了。

I sent him a text a few weeks ago,

几周前我给他发了一个短信，

asking him: Had he ever read any Stoic philosophy?

我问他：“你曾读过任何有关 斯多葛学派思想的书吗？”

And he replied with two pages of text.

他用了2页的短信回复我。

This is very unlike him. He is a terse dude.

这很不像他。他是个言简意赅的人。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And not only was he familiar with stoicism,

他不仅熟知斯多葛学派，

but he pointed out, for all of his most important decisions,

他还指出，他所有重要的决定，

his inflection points,

他的人生转折点，

when he stood up for his principles and ethics,

当他捍卫自己的原则和遵循道德时，

how he had used stoicism and something akin to fear-setting,

他时如何用斯多葛学派以及 类似恐惧设定的方法，

which blew my mind.

这令我感到震惊。

And he closed with two things.

他总结了两点。

Number one: he couldn't imagine any life more beautiful

第一：他无法想象生活中会有比

than that of a Stoic.

拥有斯多葛学派更美好的生活。

And the last was his mantra, which he applies to everything,

最后一个是他可以应用于 任何事情的格言，

and you can apply to everything:

你也可以用于任何事物：

"Easy choices, hard life.

“简单选择，痛苦生活。

Hard choices, easy life."

痛苦选择，简单生活。“

The hard choices --

困难的选择，

what we most fear doing, asking, saying --

我们最害怕去做的、问的、说的，

these are very often exactly what we most need to do.

这些有可能正是我们最需要做的。

And the biggest challenges and problems we face

我们面对的最大挑战和困难是

will never be solved with comfortable conversations,

永远不能通过一个轻松的谈话就能解决，

whether it's in your own head or with other people.

不管是你自我思考还是和别人探讨。

So I encourage you to ask yourselves:

因此我鼓励你问自己：

Where in your lives right now

你现在处在你人生中的哪个阶段

might defining your fears be more important than defining your goals?

也许会让你看清恐惧而不是目标？

Keeping in mind all the while, the words of Seneca:

请将塞內卡的话铭记在心：

"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality."

“折磨我們的往往是想像， 而不是真實”

Thank you very much.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）