Ash Beckham: We're all hiding something. Let's find the courage to open up

Prevodilac: Sandra Zerjal Lektor: Mile Živković

I'm going to talk to you tonight

Večeras ću vam pričati

about coming out of the closet,

o izlaženju iz ormana,

ali ne u tradicionalnom smislu,

and not in the traditional sense,

not just the gay closet.

ne samo o gej ormanu.

I think we all have closets.

Mislim da svi imamo ormane.

Your closet may be telling someone

Tvoj orman je možda reći nekome

you love her for the first time,

da je voliš po prvi put,

or telling someone that you're pregnant,

ili reći nekome da si trudna,

or telling someone you have cancer,

ili reći nekome da imaš rak,

or any of the other hard conversations

ili bilo šta drugo od teških razgovora

we have throughout our lives.

koje vodimo kroz naše živote.

All a closet is is a hard conversation,

Sve što je orman je težak razgovor,

and although our topics may vary tremendously,

i pored toga što se naše teme strahovito razlikuju,

the experience of being in

iskustvo toga da budeš u ormanu

and coming out of the closet is universal.

i izađeš iz njega je univerzalno.

It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done.

Strašno je, mrzimo to, i mora da se učini.

Several years ago,

Pre nekoliko godina,

I was working at the South Side Walnut Cafe,

radila sam u mestu zvanom "South Side Walnut",

a local diner in town,

lokalnom gradskom restoranu,

and during my time there I would go through phases

i tokom mog rada tamo prolazila sam kroz faze

of militant lesbian intensity:

miltantnog lezbijskog intenziteta:

not shaving my armpits,

nisam brijala pazuhe,

quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel.

citirala sam tekstove Ani Difranko kao gospel.

And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts

I u zavisnosti od toga koliko su mi pantalone

and how recently I had shaved my head,

bile vrećaste i koliko sam nedavno obrijala glavu,

the question would often be sprung on me,

postavljali su mi pitanje,

usually by a little kid:

uglavnom mala deca:

"Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"Hmm... jesi li ti dečak ili devojčica?"

And there would be an awkward silence at the table.

Nastala bi neprijatna tišina za stolom.

I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,

Stisnula bih malo jače zube,

hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance.

držala bih lonče kafe s malo više besa.

The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper

Tata bi neprijatno listao svoje novine

and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.

a mama bi uperila hladan pogled na dete.

But I would say nothing,

Ali ja ne bih rekla ništa,

and I would seethe inside.

i kipela bih iznutra.

And it got to the point where every time I walked up

Došla sam do toga da sam, svaki put kad bih došla

to a table that had a kid anywhere between three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.

do stola za kojim je dete između 3 i 10 godina, bila spremna za svađu.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And that is a terrible feeling.

I to je grozan osećaj.

So I promised myself, the next time, I would say something.

Obećala sam sebi, sledeći put, reći ću nešto.

I would have that hard conversation.

Obaviću taj teški razgovor.

So within a matter of weeks, it happens again.

I tako, za par nedelja, ponovilo se.

"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"Jesi li ti dečak ili devojčica?"

Familiar silence, but this time I'm ready,

Poznata tišina, ali ovaj put sam spremna,

and I am about to go all Women's Studies 101

i ima da napravim Osnove ženskih studija

on this table. (Laughter)

za ovim stolom. (Smeh)

I've got my Betty Friedan quotes.

Imam svoje citate Beti Fridan,

I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes.

imam svoje citate Glorije Stajnem.

I've even got this little bit from "Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.

Čak imam nesto iz "Vagininih monologa" što ću citirati.

So I take a deep breath and I look down

I tako, duboko udahnem i pogledam dole

and staring back at me is a four-year-old girl in a pink dress,

a u mene bulji četvorogodišnja devojčica u ružičastoj haljini,

not a challenge to a feminist duel,

nije izazov na feministički dvoboj,

just a kid with a question:

samo dete s pitanjem:

"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"Jesi li ti dečak ili devojčica"

So I take another deep breath,

I tako, još jednom duboko udahnem,

squat down to next to her, and say,

čučnem do nje, i kažem,

"Hey, I know it's kind of confusing.

"Hej, znam da je malo zbunjujuće.

My hair is short like a boy's,

Imam kratku kosu kao dečak,

and I wear boy's clothes, but I'm a girl,

i nosim mušku odeću, ali ja sam devojčica,

and you know how sometimes you like to wear a pink dress,

i znaš kako ponekad voliš da nosiš svoju roze haljinu,

and sometimes you like to wear your comfy jammies?

a ponekad volis da nosiš udobnu pidžamu?

Well, I'm more of a comfy jammies kind of girl."

Pa, ja sam više tip devojke za udobne pidžame."

And this kid looks me dead in the eye,

A dete me pogleda pravo u oči, bez treptaja

without missing a beat, and says,

i kaže: "Moja omiljena pidžama

"My favorite pajamas are purple with fish.

je ljubičasta, sa ribom na njoj.

Can I get a pancake, please?"

Mogu li, molim vas, dobiti palačinku?"

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And that was it. Just, "Oh, okay. You're a girl.

I to je bilo to. Samo - "Oh, dobro. Ti si devojčica.

How about that pancake?"

Može ta palačinka?"

It was the easiest hard conversation

Bio je to najlakši "teški" razgovor

I have ever had.

koji sam ikad vodila.

And why? Because Pancake Girl and I,

A zašto? Zato što smo "devojčica s palačinkom" i ja

we were both real with each other.

bile iskrene jedna prema drugoj.

So like many of us,

Kao i mnogi od nas,

I've lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah,

živela sam u nekoliko ormana u svom životu, i da,

most often, my walls happened to be rainbow.

najčešće, moji zidovi ispadnu šareni.

But inside, in the dark,

Ali unutra, u mraku,

you can't tell what color the walls are.

ne znaš koje su boje zidovi.

You just know what it feels like to live in a closet.

Samo znaš kako je živeti u ormanu.

So really, my closet is no different than yours

I zapravo, moj orman nije ništa drugačiji od tvog

or yours or yours.

ili tvog, ili tvog.

Sure, I'll give you 100 reasons

Naravno, daću vam 100 razloga

why coming out of my closet was harder than coming out of yours,

zašto je moje izlaženje iz ormana teže od vašeg,

but here's the thing: Hard is not relative.

ali evo jedne stvari: Teško nije relativno.

Hard is hard.

Teško je teško.

Who can tell me that explaining to someone you've just declared bankruptcy

Ko mi može reći da je objasniti nekom da si bankrotirao

is harder than telling someone you just cheated on them?

teže nego reći nekome da si ga prevario?

Who can tell me that his coming out story

Ko mi može reći da je njegova priča izlaženja

is harder than telling your five-year-old you're getting a divorce?

teža nego reći svom petogodišnjem detetu da se rastajete?

There is no harder, there is just hard.

Ne postoji teže, postoji samo teško.

We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else's hard

Treba prestati vrednovati naše teško nasuprot tuđih

to make us feel better or worse about our closets

da se osećamo bolje ili gore u vezi sa svojim ormanima

and just commiserate on the fact that we all have hard.

i samo se pomiriti sa činjenicom da nam je svima teško.

At some point in our lives, we all live in closets,

U nekom trenutku života, svi živimo u ormanu,

and they may feel safe,

i možda se čini sigurnim,

or at least safer than what lies on the other side of that door.

ili bar sigurnijim od onoga što je s druge strane vrata.

But I am here to tell you,

Ali ja sam ovde da vam kažem

no matter what your walls are made of,

bez obzira od čega su vaši zidovi,

a closet is no place for a person to live.

orman nije mesto za život.

Thanks. (Applause)

Hvala. (Aplauz)

So imagine yourself 20 years ago.

Zamislite se pre 20 godina.

Me, I had a ponytail, a strapless dress,

Ja, ja sam imala konjski repić, haljinu bez bretela,

and high-heeled shoes.

i cipele sa visokom štiklom.

I was not the militant lesbian

Nisam bila militantna lezbejka

ready to fight any four-year-old that walked into the cafe.

spremna na svađu sa četvorogodišnjakom koji bi naišao u kafić.

I was frozen by fear, curled up in the corner

Bila sam smrznuta od straha, sklupčana u uglu

of my pitch-black closet

svog ormana crnog kao ugalj

clutching my gay grenade,

stiskajući svoju gej bombu,

and moving one muscle is the scariest thing

i pokretanje jednog mišića bila je najstrašnija stvar

I have ever done.

koju sam ikad uradila.

My family, my friends, complete strangers --

Moja porodica, prijatelji, potpuni stranci -

I had spent my entire life

potraćila sam čitav život

trying to not disappoint these people,

pokušavajući da ne razočaram te ljude,

and now I was turning the world upside down

a zatim sam okretala čitav svet naopačke

on purpose.

namerno.

I was burning the pages of the script

Palila sam stranice propisa

we had all followed for so long,

koje sam tako dugo sledila,

but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you.

ali ako ne bacite tu bombu, ubiće vas.

One of my most memorable grenade tosses

Jedno od najupečatljivijih bacanja bombe

was at my sister's wedding.

bilo je na sestrinom venčanju.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

It was the first time that many in attendance

Bilo je to prvi put da su mnogi prisutni

knew I was gay, so in doing my maid of honor duties,

saznali da sam gej, i tako radeći kumine dužnosti,

in my black dress and heels,

u svojoj crnoj haljini i štiklama,

I walked around to tables

hodala sam oko stolova,

and finally landed on a table of my parents' friends,

i konačno došla do stola prijatelja mojih roditelja,

folks that had known me for years.

ljudi koji su me znali godinama.

And after a little small talk, one of the women shouted out,

I posle malo ćaskanja, jedna je žena viknula:

"I love Nathan Lane!"

"Volim Nejtana Lejna!"

And the battle of gay relatability had begun.

I započela je bitka gej povezivanja.

"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"

"Eš, jesi li ikada bila u Kastru?"

"Well, yeah, actually, we have friends in San Francisco."

"Pa da, zapravo, imamo prijatelje u San Francisku."

"Well, we've never been there but we've heard it's fabulous."

"Nikada nismo bili tamo ali čuli smo da je neverovatno."

"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio?

"Eš, znaš li mog frizera Antonija?

He's really good and he has never talked about a girlfriend."

Zaista je dobar i nije nikada pričao o devojci."

"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?

"Eš, koja ti je omiljena serija?

Our favorite TV show? Favorite: Will & Grace.

Naša je Vil i Grejs.

And you know who we love? Jack.

I znaš koga volimo? Džeka.

Jack is our favorite."

Džek nam je najdraži."

And then one woman, stumped

Zatim je jedna žena zastala,

but wanting so desperately to show her support,

očajnički želeći da pokaže podršku,

to let me know she was on my side,

i da mi do znanja da je na mojoj strani,

she finally blurted out,

i napokon je izvalila:

"Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts."

"Pa, ponekad moj muž nosi ružičaste košulje."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And I had a choice in that moment,

I imala sam izbor u tom trenutku,

as all grenade throwers do.

kao što svi bacači bombi imaju.

I could go back to my girlfriend and my gay-loving table

Mogla sam se vratiti svojoj devojci i svom stolu koji voli gejeve,

and mock their responses,

i rugati se njihovim odgovorima,

chastise their unworldliness and their inability

izgrditi njihovu nerečitost i nesposobnost

to jump through the politically correct gay hoops I had brought with me,

da preskoče politički ispravne gej obruče koje sam donela,

or I could empathize with them

ili sam mogla saosećati sa njima

and realize that that was maybe one of the hardest things they had ever done,

i shvatiti da je to bila jedna od najtežih stvari koju su ikada učinili,

that starting and having that conversation

to započinjanje i vođenje tog razgovora

was them coming out of their closets.

za njih je bilo izlaženje iz ormana.

Sure, it would have been easy to point out where they felt short.

Naravno, bilo bi lako pokazati gde su podbacili.

It's a lot harder to meet them where they are

Mnogo je teže izaći im u susret

and acknowledge the fact that they were trying.

i prihvatiti činjenicu da su se trudili.

And what else can you ask someone to do but try?

A šta drugo možete tražiti od nekoga nego da se trudi?

If you're going to be real with someone,

Ako ćete biti iskreni s nekim,

you gotta be ready for real in return.

morate biti spremni na povratnu iskrenost,

So hard conversations are still not my strong suit.

Teški razgovori i dalje nisu moje područje.

Ask anybody I have ever dated.

Pitajte bilo koga sa kim sam izlazila.

But I'm getting better, and I follow what I like to call

Ali poboljšavam se, i sledim ono što zovem tri principa

the three Pancake Girl principles.

"devojčice s palačinkama".

Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses,

Sada, molim vas, gledajte na ovo kroz jednu gej prizmu,

but know what it takes to come out of any closet

ali znajte da sve što treba za izlazak iz bilo kog ormana

is essentially the same.

u suštini je isto.

Number one: Be authentic.

Broj jedan: budite autentični.

Take the armor off. Be yourself.

Sklonite oklop. Budite svoji.

That kid in the cafe had no armor,

To dete u kafiću nije imalo oklop,

but I was ready for battle.

ali ja sam bila spremna za bitku.

If you want someone to be real with you,

Ako želite da neko bude iskren sa vama,

they need to know that you bleed too.

treba da zna da i vi krvarite.

Number two: Be direct. Just say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.

Broj dva: budite direktni. Samo recite. Strgnite flaster.

If you know you are gay, just say it.

Ako znate da ste gej, samo recite.

If you tell your parents you might be gay,

Ako kažete roditeljima da ste možda gej,

they will hold out hope that this will change.

oni će gajiti nadu da će se to možda promeniti.

Do not give them that sense of false hope.

Ne dajte im taj tračak lažne nade.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And number three, and most important --

I broj tri, i najvažnije -

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Be unapologetic.

Nemojte se pravdati.

You are speaking your truth.

Govorite istinu.

Never apologize for that.

Nikad se nemojte pravdati za to.

And some folks may have gotten hurt along the way,

Neki ljudi će možda biti povređeni,

so sure, apologize for what you've done,

i svakako, izvinite se za to što ste uradili,

but never apologize for who you are.

ali nikada se ne izvinjavajte za ono što jeste.

And yeah, some folks may be disappointed,

I da, možda će neki biti razočarani,

but that is on them, not on you.

ali to je na njima, ne na vama.

Those are their expectations of who you are, not yours.

To su njihova očekivanja od vas, ne vaša.

That is their story, not yours.

To je njihova priča, ne vaša.

The only story that matters

Jedina priča koja je bitna

is the one that you want to write.

je ona koju vi želite da napišete.

So the next time you find yourself

Zato, sledeći put, kada se nađete

in a pitch-black closet clutching your grenade,

u ormanu crnom kao ugalj, držeći svoju bombu,

know we have all been there before.

znajte da smo svi tamo bili.

And you may feel so very alone, but you are not.

I možete se osetiti usamljenima, ali niste.

And we know it's hard but we need you out here,

I svi znamo da je teško, ali trebaš nam ovde, napolju,

no matter what your walls are made of,

bez obzira od čega su tvoji zidovi napravljeni

because I guarantee you there are others

jer vam garantujem da ima i drugih

peering through the keyholes of their closets

koji vire kroz ključaonice svojih ormana

looking for the next brave soul to bust a door open, so be that person

tražeći hrabru dušu da razvali vrata, i zato budite ta osoba

and show the world that we are bigger than our closets

i pokažite svetu da smo veći od svojih ormana

and that a closet is no place for a person

i da orman nije mesto

za čovekov stvarni život.

to truly live.

Thank you, Boulder. Enjoy your night. (Applause)

Bolder, hvala vam. Uživajte u ostatku večeri. (Aplauz)