Ash Beckham: We're all hiding something. Let's find the courage to open up

Translator: Klavdija Cernilogar Reviewer: Nika Kotnik

I'm going to talk to you tonight

Govorila bom

about coming out of the closet,

o stopanju iz omare,

ne v tradicionalnem smislu,

and not in the traditional sense,

not just the gay closet.

ne le o razkrivanju istospolne usmerjenosti.

I think we all have closets.

Vsi imamo omare, ki jih nočemo odpreti.

Your closet may be telling someone

Morda se bojite osebi povedati,

you love her for the first time,

da jo ljubite,

or telling someone that you're pregnant,

povedati, da ste noseči,

or telling someone you have cancer,

da imate raka

or any of the other hard conversations

ali začeti kak drug težak pogovor,

we have throughout our lives.

ki je potreben v življenju.

All a closet is is a hard conversation,

Omara je samo težak pogovor

and although our topics may vary tremendously,

in čeprav se teme lahko močno razlikujejo,

the experience of being in

je izkušnja biti v omari

and coming out of the closet is universal.

in stopiti iz nje univerzalna.

It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done.

Strašljiva je, sovražimo jo in moramo jo napraviti.

Several years ago,

Pred leti

I was working at the South Side Walnut Cafe,

sem delala v lokalni restavraciji

a local diner in town,

South Side Walnut Cafe

and during my time there I would go through phases

in takrat sem imela faze

of militant lesbian intensity:

militantne lezbične intenzivnosti:

not shaving my armpits,

nisem si brila pazduh,

quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel.

Ani DiFranco sem citirala kot svete besede.

And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts

Odvisno od tega, kako široke hlače sem nosila

and how recently I had shaved my head,

in kdaj sem si nazadnje obrila glavo,

the question would often be sprung on me,

so me pogosto vprašali,

usually by a little kid:

ponavadi je bil to kak majhen otrok:

"Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"Hm, si fant ali punca?"

And there would be an awkward silence at the table.

Potem je pri mizi nastala neprijetna tišina.

I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,

Še malo bolj sem stisnila čeljust,

hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance.

še malo bolj maščevalno sem prijela vrč za kavo.

The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper

Oče je mučno listal časopis

and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.

in mati je otroku poslala leden pogled.

But I would say nothing,

Jaz pa sem bila tiho,

and I would seethe inside.

čeprav je v meni vrelo.

And it got to the point where every time I walked up

Zato sem vedno, ko sem šla k mizi,

to a table that had a kid anywhere between three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.

kjer je sedel otrok, star od tri do deset let, odhajala pripravljena na boj.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

And that is a terrible feeling.

To je grozen občutek.

So I promised myself, the next time, I would say something.

Obljubila sem si, da bom naslednjič odgovorila.

I would have that hard conversation.

Govorila bom o tej težki stvari.

So within a matter of weeks, it happens again.

Čez nekaj tednov se je spet zgodilo.

"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"Si fant ali punca?"

Familiar silence, but this time I'm ready,

Znana tišina, a tokrat sem pripravljena,

and I am about to go all Women's Studies 101

da ljudem pri mizi

on this table. (Laughter)

odpredavam osnove ženskih študij.

I've got my Betty Friedan quotes.

Pripravljene imam citate Betty Friedan,

I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes.

citate Glorie Steinem.

I've even got this little bit from "Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.

Še celo izsek iz Monologov vagine imam.

So I take a deep breath and I look down

Globoko vdihnem in pogledam navzdol,

and staring back at me is a four-year-old girl in a pink dress,

od koder vame strmi štiriletna deklica v roza oblekici,

not a challenge to a feminist duel,

ne pa izzivalec na feministični dvoboj,

just a kid with a question:

samo otrok z vprašanjem:

"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"

"Si fant ali punca?"

So I take another deep breath,

Še enkrat globoko vdihnem,

squat down to next to her, and say,

počepnem k njej in rečem:

"Hey, I know it's kind of confusing.

"Veš, malo zmedeno je vse skupaj.

My hair is short like a boy's,

Imam kratke lase kot fant

and I wear boy's clothes, but I'm a girl,

in nosim fantovske obleke, ampak sem punca,

and you know how sometimes you like to wear a pink dress,

kot ti: včasih rada nosiš roza oblekico,

and sometimes you like to wear your comfy jammies?

včasih pa udobno pižamo.

Well, I'm more of a comfy jammies kind of girl."

No, meni so bolj všeč udobne pižame."

And this kid looks me dead in the eye,

Otrok me pogleda naravnost v oči,

without missing a beat, and says,

in brez oklevanja reče:

"My favorite pajamas are purple with fish.

"Moja najljubša pižama je vijolična z ribami.

Can I get a pancake, please?"

Lahko dobim palačinko, prosim?"

(Laughter)

(smeh)

And that was it. Just, "Oh, okay. You're a girl.

In to je bilo to. Samo: "V redu, punca si.

How about that pancake?"

Kje je tista palačinka?"

It was the easiest hard conversation

To je bil najlažji težak pogovor,

I have ever had.

kar sem jih kdajkoli imela.

And why? Because Pancake Girl and I,

In zakaj? Ker sva bili punčka s palačinkami in jaz

we were both real with each other.

iskreni druga z drugo.

So like many of us,

Kot mnogi med nami

I've lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah,

sem živela v nekaj omarah

most often, my walls happened to be rainbow.

in ja, najpogosteje za mavričnimi zidovi.

But inside, in the dark,

A v temi

you can't tell what color the walls are.

ne vidite, kakšne barve so zidovi.

You just know what it feels like to live in a closet.

Samo veste, kako je živeti v omari.

So really, my closet is no different than yours

V resnici moja ni drugačna od vaše

or yours or yours.

ali vaše ali vaše.

Sure, I'll give you 100 reasons

Seveda vam bom naštela sto razlogov,

why coming out of my closet was harder than coming out of yours,

zakaj je bil moj izstop iz omare težji od vašega,

but here's the thing: Hard is not relative.

a nekaj je res: "težko" ni relativen pojem.

Hard is hard.

Težko je težko.

Who can tell me that explaining to someone you've just declared bankruptcy

Kdo lahko dokaže, da je priznati, da ste bankrotirali,

is harder than telling someone you just cheated on them?

težje kakor priznati nekomu, da ste ga prevarali?

Who can tell me that his coming out story

Kdo lahko trdi, da je njegovo razkritje

is harder than telling your five-year-old you're getting a divorce?

težje, kot je povedati petletnemu otroku, da se ločujete?

There is no harder, there is just hard.

Ni "težjega", je samo "težko".

We need to stop ranking our hard against everyone else's hard

Prenehati moramo meriti svoj "težko" s tistim nekoga drugega,

to make us feel better or worse about our closets

da bi se bolje ali slabše počutili o svojih omarah

and just commiserate on the fact that we all have hard.

ter enostavno sprejeti, da je vsem težko.

At some point in our lives, we all live in closets,

Del življenja vsi preživimo v omarah

and they may feel safe,

in morda se to zdi varno

or at least safer than what lies on the other side of that door.

ali vsaj varneje kot tisto, ker je na drugi strani.

But I am here to tell you,

A želim vam povedati,

no matter what your walls are made of,

da ne glede na to, iz česa so vaši zidovi,

a closet is no place for a person to live.

omara ni kraj, kjer se da živeti.

Thanks. (Applause)

Hvala. (aplavz)

So imagine yourself 20 years ago.

Predstavljajte si sebe pred 20 leti.

Me, I had a ponytail, a strapless dress,

Jaz sem imela konjski rep, obleko brez naramnic

and high-heeled shoes.

in visoke pete.

I was not the militant lesbian

Nisem bila militantna lezbijka,

ready to fight any four-year-old that walked into the cafe.

pripravljena na boj z mimoidočimi štiriletniki.

I was frozen by fear, curled up in the corner

Paralizirana sem bila od strahu, stisnjena v kot

of my pitch-black closet

s svojo temno skrivnostjo,

clutching my gay grenade,

oklepala sem se svoje gejevske granate

and moving one muscle is the scariest thing

in najtežje, kar sem kdaj storila,

I have ever done.

je bilo premakniti eno samo mišico.

My family, my friends, complete strangers --

Družina, prijatelji, popolni tujci ...

I had spent my entire life

vse življenje sem se trudila,

trying to not disappoint these people,

da jih ne bi razočarala,

and now I was turning the world upside down

zdaj pa sem namenoma

on purpose.

obračala svet na glavo.

I was burning the pages of the script

Zažgala sem strani scenarija,

we had all followed for so long,

ki smo mu vsi tako dolgo sledili,

but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you.

a če ne odvržete granate, bo ubila vas.

One of my most memorable grenade tosses

Eden najbolj nepozabnih metov

was at my sister's wedding.

je bil na sestrini poroki.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

It was the first time that many in attendance

Bilo je prvič, da je večina prisotnih

knew I was gay, so in doing my maid of honor duties,

vedela, da sem homoseksualka, in ko sem opravljala dolžnosti družice,

in my black dress and heels,

v črni obleki in visokih petah,

I walked around to tables

sem se sprehajala med mizami

and finally landed on a table of my parents' friends,

in končala pri mizi prijateljev svojih staršev,

folks that had known me for years.

ki so me že leta poznali.

And after a little small talk, one of the women shouted out,

Po kratkem klepetu je ena od žensk zavpila:

"I love Nathan Lane!"

"Ljubim Nathana Lanea!"

And the battle of gay relatability had begun.

In začela se je bitka gejevskih asociacij.

"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"

"Ash, si že bila v Castru?"

"Well, yeah, actually, we have friends in San Francisco."

"ja, v bistvu imamo prijatelje v San Franciscu."

"Well, we've never been there but we've heard it's fabulous."

"Nikoli nismo bili tam, a pravijo, da je krasno."

"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio?

"Ash, poznaš mojega frizerja Antonia?

He's really good and he has never talked about a girlfriend."

Super je in nikoli ne govori o puncah."

"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?

"Ash, katera je tvoja naljubša TV serija?

Our favorite TV show? Favorite: Will & Grace.

Najina? Najljubša: Will & Grace.

And you know who we love? Jack.

In veš, kdo nama je všeč? Jack.

Jack is our favorite."

Jack je najin najljubši."

And then one woman, stumped

Neka ženska, zbegana,

but wanting so desperately to show her support,

a v želji izkazati podporo,

to let me know she was on my side,

mi povedati, da je na moji strani,

she finally blurted out,

je nazadnje izpustila tole:

"Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts."

"No, včasih moj mož nosi roza srajce."

(Laughter)

(smeh)

And I had a choice in that moment,

Takrat sem imela izbiro,

as all grenade throwers do.

kot vsak, preden vrže granato.

I could go back to my girlfriend and my gay-loving table

Lahko bi se vrnila k svoji punci in gejem naklonjeni mizi

and mock their responses,

ter se norčevala iz njihovih reakcij,

chastise their unworldliness and their inability

kritizirala njihovo naivnost in nesposobnost

to jump through the politically correct gay hoops I had brought with me,

preseči politično korektne gejevske ovire, ki sem jih prinesla s seboj,

or I could empathize with them

lahko pa bi z njimi sočustvovala

and realize that that was maybe one of the hardest things they had ever done,

in spoznala, da je bila to zanje morda ena najtežjih stvari,

that starting and having that conversation

da je to, da so se začeli pogovarjati,

was them coming out of their closets.

pomenilo, da so stopili iz svojih omar.

Sure, it would have been easy to point out where they felt short.

Seveda bi bilo lahko pokazati, kje niso uspeli.

It's a lot harder to meet them where they are

Težje jim je stopiti naproti

and acknowledge the fact that they were trying.

in sprejeti dejstvo, da so poskušali.

And what else can you ask someone to do but try?

In kaj več kot to lahko zahtevamo?

If you're going to be real with someone,

Če hočete biti z nekom iskreni,

you gotta be ready for real in return.

morate biti pripravljeni, da boste iskrenost dobili nazaj.

So hard conversations are still not my strong suit.

Težki pogovori mi še vedno ne gredo od rok.

Ask anybody I have ever dated.

Vprašajte vse moje bivše.

But I'm getting better, and I follow what I like to call

A postajam boljša in sledim

the three Pancake Girl principles.

trem načelom punčke s palačinkami.

Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses,

Tole glejte skozi gej očala,

but know what it takes to come out of any closet

a vedite, da je razkritje česarkoli

is essentially the same.

v bistvu enako.

Number one: Be authentic.

Prvič: bodite pristni.

Take the armor off. Be yourself.

Odvrzite oklep. Bodite to, kar ste.

That kid in the cafe had no armor,

Otrok v restavraciji ni imel oklepa,

but I was ready for battle.

jaz pa sem bila pripravljena na boj.

If you want someone to be real with you,

Če hočete, da bodo iskreni z vami,

they need to know that you bleed too.

morajo vedeti, da ste tudi vi krvavi pod kožo.

Number two: Be direct. Just say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.

Drugič: bodite neposredni. Povejte, kakor je. Odtrgajte obliž.

If you know you are gay, just say it.

Če ste gej, to kar povejte.

If you tell your parents you might be gay,

Če poveste staršem, da ste morda gej,

they will hold out hope that this will change.

bodo upali, da se bo to spremenilo.

Do not give them that sense of false hope.

Ne vlivajte jim lažnega upanja.

(Laughter)

(smeh)

And number three, and most important --

In tretjič, kar je najpomembneje:

(Laughter)

(smeh)

Be unapologetic.

Ne opravičujte se.

You are speaking your truth.

Govorite svojo resnico.

Never apologize for that.

Nikoli se ne opravičujte za to.

And some folks may have gotten hurt along the way,

Morda ste s tem koga prizadeli,

so sure, apologize for what you've done,

seveda se opravičite za to, kar ste storili,

but never apologize for who you are.

ampak ne opravičujte se za to, kar ste.

And yeah, some folks may be disappointed,

Ja, nekateri bodo razočarani,

but that is on them, not on you.

ampak to je njihova stvar, ne vaša.

Those are their expectations of who you are, not yours.

To so njihova pričakovanja o tem, kar ste, ne vaša.

That is their story, not yours.

To je njihova zgodba, ne vaša.

The only story that matters

Edina zgodba, ki je pomembna,

is the one that you want to write.

je tista, ki jo hočete napisati vi.

So the next time you find yourself

Ko se boste naslednjič znašli

in a pitch-black closet clutching your grenade,

v temni omari, oklepajoč se svoje granate,

know we have all been there before.

vedite, da smo vsi bili tam.

And you may feel so very alone, but you are not.

Morda se boste počutili tako same, ampak niste.

And we know it's hard but we need you out here,

Vemo, da je težko, a stopiti moramo ven,

no matter what your walls are made of,

ne glede na to, iz česa so naši zidovi,

because I guarantee you there are others

ker vam zagotavljam, da drugi

peering through the keyholes of their closets

kukajo skozi ključavnice svojih omar

looking for the next brave soul to bust a door open, so be that person

in čakajo, da bo naslednja pogumna duša na stežaj odprla vrata. Bodite ta duša

and show the world that we are bigger than our closets

in pokažite svetu, da smo večji od svojih omar

and that a closet is no place for a person

in da v njih nihče

to truly live.

ne more zares živeti.

Thank you, Boulder. Enjoy your night. (Applause)

Hvala vam, Boulder. Uživajte v večeru. (aplavz)