Ash Beckham: We're all hiding something. Let's find the courage to open up
236,626 views ・ 2014-02-21
请双击下面的英文字幕来播放视频。
翻译人员: Wenbo Tang
校对人员: Xiaoou Chen
00:12
I'm going to talk to you tonight
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今晚我会和大家讲述
00:14
about coming out of the closet,
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如何走出柜
00:16
and not in the traditional sense,
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但不是传统意义上的层面
00:17
not just the gay closet.
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不只是成为同性恋那样的出柜
00:19
I think we all have closets.
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我想大家都有个柜
00:21
Your closet may be telling someone
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你所谓的出柜
00:23
you love her for the first time,
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有的或许是你跟她第一次说我爱你
00:25
or telling someone that you're pregnant,
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或许告诉别人你怀孕了
00:27
or telling someone you have cancer,
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或许告诉别人你患有癌症
00:30
or any of the other hard conversations
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甚至是其他我们都经历过的
00:32
we have throughout our lives.
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难以启齿的谈话
00:34
All a closet is is a hard conversation,
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所谓的柜就是一次说不出口的谈话
00:38
and although our topics may vary tremendously,
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虽然我们的话题涉及广泛
00:41
the experience of being in
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在柜中
00:43
and coming out of the closet is universal.
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和出柜的经历都是相通的
00:46
It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done.
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这种感觉很可怕 尽管我们都不喜欢 但是还得这样做
00:52
Several years ago,
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几年以前
00:53
I was working at the South Side Walnut Cafe,
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我在South Side Walnut咖啡店工作
00:57
a local diner in town,
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一个当地的餐厅
00:59
and during my time there I would go through phases
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那段时间我经历了
01:01
of militant lesbian intensity:
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激进女同性恋的紧张
01:05
not shaving my armpits,
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没有刮我的腋毛
01:07
quoting Ani DiFranco lyrics as gospel.
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引用福音Ani DiFranco的歌词
01:10
And depending on the bagginess of my cargo shorts
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由于我宽松的工装短裤
01:13
and how recently I had shaved my head,
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还有我最近的发型
01:15
the question would often be sprung on me,
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经常会有人问我
01:17
usually by a little kid:
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通常是小孩儿问我
01:19
"Um, are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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“嗯,你是男孩还是女孩?”
01:24
And there would be an awkward silence at the table.
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随之而来的是一阵尴尬的寂静
01:27
I'd clench my jaw a little tighter,
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我紧咬牙关
01:29
hold my coffee pot with a little more vengeance.
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怀着报复的心紧握着咖啡罐
01:32
The dad would awkwardly shuffle his newspaper
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爸爸尴尬地乱翻着报纸
01:35
and the mom would shoot a chilling stare at her kid.
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妈妈冷漠地盯着孩子
01:37
But I would say nothing,
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但是我说不出口
01:39
and I would seethe inside.
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内心却在沸腾
01:41
And it got to the point where every time I walked up
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重点是 每次我走到旁边
01:43
to a table that had a kid anywhere between
three and 10 years old, I was ready to fight.
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有3到10岁小孩儿的桌子时 我都准备好要干一架了
01:47
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
01:49
And that is a terrible feeling.
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这种感觉非常不好
01:51
So I promised myself, the next
time, I would say something.
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所以我跟自己讲 下一次 我一定会说什么
01:55
I would have that hard conversation.
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我会把话说出口
01:57
So within a matter of weeks, it happens again.
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所以 过了几个星期 又出现这种状况了
02:00
"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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“你是男孩还是女孩?”
02:02
Familiar silence, but this time I'm ready,
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熟悉的沉寂 但是这次我准备好了
02:05
and I am about to go all Women's Studies 101
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这次我要把所有女性的话
02:09
on this table. (Laughter)
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说出来 (笑声)
02:12
I've got my Betty Friedan quotes.
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我准备好引用Betty Friedan的话
02:14
I've got my Gloria Steinem quotes.
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准备好引用Gloria Steinem的话
02:16
I've even got this little bit from
"Vagina Monologues" I'm going to do.
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我甚至从《阴道独白》中选了几句话
02:19
So I take a deep breath and I look down
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我深吸了口气 我低下头看
02:23
and staring back at me is a
four-year-old girl in a pink dress,
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迎来的是一个穿着粉色裙子的4岁小女孩儿的目光
02:27
not a challenge to a feminist duel,
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这个小菜一碟
02:29
just a kid with a question:
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只是个小孩儿问问题
02:32
"Are you a boy or are you a girl?"
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“你是男孩还是女孩?”
02:34
So I take another deep breath,
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我又深吸了口气
02:36
squat down to next to her, and say,
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在她身旁蹲下来说
02:37
"Hey, I know it's kind of confusing.
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“我知道有点不好理解
02:39
My hair is short like a boy's,
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我的头发像男生的那样短
02:41
and I wear boy's clothes, but I'm a girl,
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我还穿着男生的衣服 但是我是个女孩
02:43
and you know how sometimes
you like to wear a pink dress,
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有时候你喜欢穿粉色的裙子
02:45
and sometimes you like to
wear your comfy jammies?
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有时候喜欢穿舒服的睡衣 对吧
02:48
Well, I'm more of a comfy jammies kind of girl."
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那我就是那种喜欢穿舒服睡衣的那种女孩
02:52
And this kid looks me dead in the eye,
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这个小孩儿死死的盯着我
02:54
without missing a beat, and says,
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都不带眨的 说
02:55
"My favorite pajamas are purple with fish.
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”我最喜欢的睡衣是紫色的 上面还有鱼
02:57
Can I get a pancake, please?"
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能给我块煎饼吗?“
02:59
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
03:02
And that was it. Just, "Oh, okay. You're a girl.
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就是这样 ”哦 好吧 你是个女孩
03:05
How about that pancake?"
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来块煎饼怎么样?“
03:08
It was the easiest hard conversation
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这是有史以来
03:10
I have ever had.
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最简单的一次艰难对话
03:12
And why? Because Pancake Girl and I,
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为什么呢 因为这个煎饼女孩和我
03:15
we were both real with each other.
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我们对彼此都很真诚
03:18
So like many of us,
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所以 跟很多人一样
03:20
I've lived in a few closets in my life, and yeah,
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我住在自己的几个柜里 是的
03:23
most often, my walls happened to be rainbow.
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而且我的四面墙常常会变成彩色
03:25
But inside, in the dark,
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但是墙的里面 黑暗中
03:27
you can't tell what color the walls are.
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你却不知道内墙是什么颜色
03:29
You just know what it feels like to live in a closet.
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你就是知道在柜里是什么感觉
03:33
So really, my closet is no different than yours
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所以 真的 我的柜和你的 你的
03:36
or yours or yours.
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所有人的柜都是一样的
03:39
Sure, I'll give you 100 reasons
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当然 我会告诉你100个理由
03:41
why coming out of my closet was
harder than coming out of yours,
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来解释为什么我出柜会比你出柜要难
03:43
but here's the thing: Hard is not relative.
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但是重点是 难并不是相对的
03:46
Hard is hard.
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各有各的难处
03:48
Who can tell me that explaining to
someone you've just declared bankruptcy
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谁能告诉我 是跟一个人讲你刚刚破产难
03:52
is harder than telling someone
you just cheated on them?
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还是跟一个人讲你背叛他难呢
03:54
Who can tell me that his coming out story
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谁能告诉我 是一个人说自己出柜难
03:57
is harder than telling your five-year-old
you're getting a divorce?
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还是告诉你5岁的孩子你要离婚了难呢
03:59
There is no harder, there is just hard.
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没有谁更难一些 就只是很难而已
04:03
We need to stop ranking our hard
against everyone else's hard
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我们不能把各自的难处排个1234
04:06
to make us feel better or worse about our closets
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以此来让我们对自己的柜更好过或更难过些
04:09
and just commiserate on the
fact that we all have hard.
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然后又互相怜悯大家都很难
04:13
At some point in our lives, we all live in closets,
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在生活中的某些时刻 我们都闷在柜里
04:16
and they may feel safe,
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这样我们感到很安全
04:18
or at least safer than what lies
on the other side of that door.
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至少比在柜外面更安全些
04:21
But I am here to tell you,
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但是我要告诉大家
04:23
no matter what your walls are made of,
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不管你的柜是什么材质
04:25
a closet is no place for a person to live.
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那都不是一个人应该住的地方
04:29
Thanks. (Applause)
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谢谢 (掌声)
04:32
So imagine yourself 20 years ago.
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想想20年前的你
04:36
Me, I had a ponytail, a strapless dress,
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那时的我 扎着马尾 穿着没有肩带的裙子
04:41
and high-heeled shoes.
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蹬着高跟鞋
04:43
I was not the militant lesbian
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我不是那个紧张的女同性恋
04:44
ready to fight any four-year-old
that walked into the cafe.
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随时准备迎战走进咖啡厅的4岁孩童
04:48
I was frozen by fear, curled up in the corner
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恐惧使我不得动弹 缩在我
04:52
of my pitch-black closet
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那个黑漆漆的柜里
04:54
clutching my gay grenade,
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绷紧身为同性恋的神经
04:57
and moving one muscle is the scariest thing
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我从未
05:00
I have ever done.
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放松过紧绷的那根弦
05:03
My family, my friends, complete strangers --
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我的家人 朋友 陌生人
05:05
I had spent my entire life
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我一直都
05:06
trying to not disappoint these people,
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努力不让这些人失望
05:08
and now I was turning the world upside down
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然而现在 我却故意
05:11
on purpose.
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把事情弄的一团糟
05:13
I was burning the pages of the script
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我把我们一直沿用的脚本
05:15
we had all followed for so long,
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都烧掉
05:17
but if you do not throw that grenade, it will kill you.
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但是如果你不丢掉手中的手榴弹 它会至你于死地
05:21
One of my most memorable grenade tosses
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让我印象最深刻的一次爆发
05:23
was at my sister's wedding.
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是在我姐姐的婚礼上
05:25
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
05:27
It was the first time that many in attendance
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很多在场的人知道我是同性恋
05:30
knew I was gay, so in doing
my maid of honor duties,
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这还是头一回 所以我作为伴娘
05:33
in my black dress and heels,
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穿着一袭黑裙和高跟鞋
05:35
I walked around to tables
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我游走在桌边
05:37
and finally landed on a table of my parents' friends,
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最后决定坐在我父母的朋友的那一桌上
05:39
folks that had known me for years.
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他们认识我很久了
05:42
And after a little small talk,
one of the women shouted out,
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说了一会儿话后 有个女人大叫着说
05:45
"I love Nathan Lane!"
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“我超爱Nathan Lane!”
05:48
And the battle of gay relatability had begun.
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就这样一场关于同性恋的话题拉开帷幕
05:51
"Ash, have you ever been to the Castro?"
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”Ash 你去过Castro吗?“
05:53
"Well, yeah, actually, we have
friends in San Francisco."
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”恩 内什么 实际上 我们在旧金山有朋友“
05:55
"Well, we've never been there
but we've heard it's fabulous."
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”内什么 我们没去过那儿 但是听说那儿挺棒的“
05:58
"Ash, do you know my hairdresser Antonio?
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”Ash 你知道我的理发师Antonio吗?
06:00
He's really good and he has
never talked about a girlfriend."
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他人很好 但是从没听他谈过女性朋友”
06:03
"Ash, what's your favorite TV show?
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"Ash 你最喜欢哪个电视节目
06:05
Our favorite TV show? Favorite: Will & Grace.
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我们最喜欢的? 最喜欢的电视节目非Will & Grace莫属
06:07
And you know who we love? Jack.
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你知道我们最爱谁吗 最爱Jack了
06:08
Jack is our favorite."
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我们最喜欢Jack了“
06:10
And then one woman, stumped
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然后另一个女人 张口结舌
06:13
but wanting so desperately to show her support,
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但是极力变现出她的支持
06:15
to let me know she was on my side,
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让我明白她是站在我这一边的
06:18
she finally blurted out,
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她最终脱口而出
06:19
"Well, sometimes my husband wears pink shirts."
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”有时候我丈夫穿粉色的T恤“
06:23
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
06:25
And I had a choice in that moment,
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在那一刻 和所有爆发者一样
06:27
as all grenade throwers do.
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我作出了选择
06:29
I could go back to my girlfriend
and my gay-loving table
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我可以回到我女性朋友和支持同性恋的那一桌去
06:33
and mock their responses,
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对他们这些人的反应嘲笑一番
06:35
chastise their unworldliness and their inability
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说他们什么都不懂
06:37
to jump through the politically correct
gay hoops I had brought with me,
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他们不能理解我身上所带的同性恋的标签
06:40
or I could empathize with them
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或者我可以选择感同身受
06:43
and realize that that was maybe one of
the hardest things they had ever done,
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理解那可能是他们从未做过的最难的事情
06:47
that starting and having that conversation
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开始并进行那样的对话
06:50
was them coming out of their closets.
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是他们出柜的表现
06:52
Sure, it would have been easy
to point out where they felt short.
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当然 指出他们不对的地方很容易
06:56
It's a lot harder to meet them where they are
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但是和他们在同一层面上理解
06:58
and acknowledge the fact that they were trying.
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并知道他们在努力却很难
07:00
And what else can you ask someone to do but try?
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除了让人家努力尝试 你还能要求人家什么呢
07:05
If you're going to be real with someone,
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如果你想对某人坦诚
07:07
you gotta be ready for real in return.
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那你就要准备好别人同样对你完全坦白
07:11
So hard conversations are still not my strong suit.
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所以进行难的对话仍不是我的强项
07:14
Ask anybody I have ever dated.
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去问问我从未约过会的人就知道了
07:16
But I'm getting better, and I follow what I like to call
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但是我做好的更好了 因为我遵循我称之为
07:19
the three Pancake Girl principles.
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煎饼女孩三原则
07:21
Now, please view this through gay-colored lenses,
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请各位带上同性恋有色眼镜来看待这个
07:25
but know what it takes to come out of any closet
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但是要明白出任何的柜所需的努力
07:28
is essentially the same.
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都是一样的
07:30
Number one: Be authentic.
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原则一 要真实
07:33
Take the armor off. Be yourself.
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卸下你的防御 做真实的自己
07:34
That kid in the cafe had no armor,
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那个在咖啡厅的女孩就没有防御
07:36
but I was ready for battle.
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然而我却是准备开战
07:38
If you want someone to be real with you,
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如果你想让别人对你坦诚
07:41
they need to know that you bleed too.
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你得让他们知道你也有所付出
07:44
Number two: Be direct. Just
say it. Rip the Band-Aid off.
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原则二 要直接 有什么说什么 不要绷着
07:47
If you know you are gay, just say it.
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你知道你是同性恋 那就说出来
07:50
If you tell your parents you might be gay,
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如果你告诉你的父母 你可能是同性恋
07:51
they will hold out hope that this will change.
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他们会心有一丝希望 你会改变的
07:53
Do not give them that sense of false hope.
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不要让他们有这样的错觉
07:56
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
07:58
And number three, and most important --
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原则三 最重要的一点
08:03
(Laughter)
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(笑声)
08:05
Be unapologetic.
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不要有负罪感
08:09
You are speaking your truth.
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你是在坦言有关自己的事情
08:11
Never apologize for that.
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不要对此感到抱歉
08:15
And some folks may have gotten hurt along the way,
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可能会有人受伤
08:17
so sure, apologize for what you've done,
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这是一定的 对你所做的事情道歉
08:20
but never apologize for who you are.
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但是不要为你的本质而道歉
08:23
And yeah, some folks may be disappointed,
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是的 有些人会很失望
08:26
but that is on them, not on you.
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但是他们对自己失望 而不是对你
08:29
Those are their expectations
of who you are, not yours.
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那是他们所期望的你的样子 而不是你自己的期望
08:31
That is their story, not yours.
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那是他们的故事 而不是属于你的故事
08:36
The only story that matters
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唯一重要的故事
08:37
is the one that you want to write.
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是你想要书写的那一个
08:40
So the next time you find yourself
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那么下回你发现自己
08:42
in a pitch-black closet clutching your grenade,
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窝在柜里 手里紧攥着手榴弹时
08:44
know we have all been there before.
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要知道我们都经历过这个阶段
08:48
And you may feel so very alone, but you are not.
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你可能会感到孤独 但实际上不是的
08:51
And we know it's hard but we need you out here,
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虽然很难 但是你需要走出柜
08:54
no matter what your walls are made of,
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不管你的墙是什么
08:57
because I guarantee you there are others
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我向你保证 还有些人
08:59
peering through the keyholes of their closets
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从他们柜的锁眼里
09:01
looking for the next brave soul to
bust a door open, so be that person
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寻找下一个勇敢的人推开们 所以做那个勇敢的人吧
09:05
and show the world that we
are bigger than our closets
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让人们知道柜已容不下我们
09:08
and that a closet is no place for a person
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一个柜不是一个人
09:12
to truly live.
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能活出真实自己的地方
09:13
Thank you, Boulder. Enjoy your night. (Applause)
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谢谢 Boulder 祝各位晚上愉快 (掌声)
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