An Ode to Envy | Parul Sehgal | TED Talks

Prevodilac: Maja Budišin Lukin Lektor: Mile Živković

So when I was eight years old,

Kada sam imala osam godina,

a new girl came to join the class,

došla je nova devojčica u naš razred.

and she was so impressive,

Bila je toliko impresivna,

as the new girl always seems to be.

kao što uvek deluje svaka nova devojčica.

She had vast quantities of very shiny hair

Imala je bujnu, vrlo sjajnu kosu

and a cute little pencil case,

i zgodnu malu peratonicu.

super strong on state capitals,

Bila je odlična u glavnim gradovima

just a great speller.

i odlična u pravopisu.

And I just curdled with jealousy that year,

I naprosto sam se kiselila od ljubomore te godine,

until I hatched my devious plan.

dok nisam smislila svoj opaki plan.

So one day I stayed a little late after school,

Tako sam jednog dana ostala posle predavanja,

a little too late, and I lurked in the girls' bathroom.

prilično kasno, vrebajući iz kupatila.

When the coast was clear, I emerged,

Kada je sve bilo čisto, izvukla sam se,

crept into the classroom,

uvukla u učionicu

and took from my teacher's desk the grade book.

i uzela dnevnik sa učiteljskog stola.

And then I did it.

I onda sam uradila to.

I fiddled with my rival's grades,

Igrala sam se s ocenama mojih rivala,

just a little, just demoted some of those A's.

samo sam malo smanjila neke najbolje ocene.

All of those A's. (Laughter)

Sve najbolje ocene. (Smeh)

And I got ready to return the book to the drawer,

I taman kad sam htela da vratim knjigu u fioku,

when hang on, some of my other classmates

kad gle, primetih da i neki drugi iz razreda

had appallingly good grades too.

imaju užasno dobre ocene.

So, in a frenzy,

Tako sam u ludilu,

I corrected everybody's marks,

popravila ocene svima,

not imaginatively.

ne baš maštovito.

I gave everybody a row of D's

Svima sam dala niz dvojki,

and I gave myself a row of A's,

a sebi dodala red petica,

just because I was there, you know, might as well.

samo zato što sam bila tamo i mogla.

And I am still baffled by my behavior.

I još uvek sam zbunjena svojim ponašanjem.

I don't understand where the idea came from.

Ne razumem odakle mi ideja,

I don't understand why I felt so great doing it.

ni zašto sam se osećala tako dobro dok sam to radila.

I felt great.

Osećala sam se super.

I don't understand why I was never caught.

Ne razumem zašto nisam bila nikada uhvaćena.

I mean, it should have been so blatantly obvious.

Mislim, to je trebalo biti očigledno.

I was never caught.

Nikada nisam bila uhvaćena.

But most of all, I am baffled by,

No, najviše od svega me zbunjuje

why did it bother me so much

zašto me je to toliko morilo

that this little girl, this tiny little girl,

što je ova malena devojčica,

was so good at spelling?

bila toliko dobra u pravopisu?

Jealousy baffles me.

Ljubomora me je zbunjivala.

It's so mysterious, and it's so pervasive.

Toliko je tajanstvena i tako je prodorna.

We know babies suffer from jealousy.

Znamo da bebe pate od ljubomore.

We know primates do. Bluebirds are actually very prone.

Znamo i za majmune. Plave ptice su joj zapravo vrlo sklone.

We know that jealousy is the number one cause

Znamo da je ljubomora glavni uzrok

of spousal murder in the United States.

ubistava u braku u SAD,

And yet, I have never read a study

a ipak, nikada nisam pročitala studiju

that can parse to me its loneliness

koja bi mi raščlanila njenu usamljenost

or its longevity or its grim thrill.

ili dugovečnost ili njeno sumorno uzbuđenje.

For that, we have to go to fiction,

Za to se moramo obratiti beletristici,

because the novel is the lab

jer roman je laboratorija

that has studied jealousy

u kojoj se proučavala ljubomora

in every possible configuration.

u svim mogućim oblicima.

In fact, I don't know if it's an exaggeration to say

Pitam se da li bi bilo preterano reći -

that if we didn't have jealousy,

kada ne bi bilo ljubomore,

would we even have literature?

da li bismo uopšte imali književnost?

Well no faithless Helen, no "Odyssey."

Bar ne nevernu Jelenu, ni "Odiseju",

No jealous king, no "Arabian Nights."

ni ljubomornog kralja, ni "1001 noć",

No Shakespeare.

ni Šekspira.

There goes high school reading lists,

Tu spada i spisak gimnazijske lektire,

because we're losing "Sound and the Fury,"

jer bismo inače izgubili "Buku i bes,"

we're losing "Gatsby," "Sun Also Rises,"

"Getsbija", "Sunce se ponovo rađa"

we're losing "Madame Bovary," "Anna K."

"Madam Bovari", "Anu K."

No jealousy, no Proust. And now, I mean,

Da nema ljubomore, ne bi bilo ni Prusta.

I know it's fashionable to say that Proust

Znam da je pomodno reći da Prust

has the answers to everything,

ima odgovore na sve,

but in the case of jealousy,

ali u slučaju ljubomore,

he kind of does.

nekako ima.

This year is the centennial of his masterpiece, "In Search of Lost Time,"

Ove godine je stogodišnjica remek-dela "U potrazi za izgubljenim vremenom"

and it's the most exhaustive study of sexual jealousy

i to je najiscrpnija studija seksualne ljubomore,

and just regular competitiveness, my brand,

kao i obične konkurentnosti, moje sorte,

that we can hope to have. (Laughter)

za koju se možemo nadati da je imamo. (Smeh)

And we think about Proust, we think

A kad pomislimo na Prusta, mislimo

about the sentimental bits, right?

na sentimentalnosti, zar ne?

We think about a little boy trying to get to sleep.

Mislimo o malom dečaku koji pokušava da zaspi.

We think about a madeleine moistened in lavender tea.

Mislimo o kolaču umočenom u čaj lavande.

We forget how harsh his vision was.

Zaboravili smo kako je bila surova njegova vizija.

We forget how pitiless he is.

Zaboravili smo koliko je nemilosrdan.

I mean, these are books that Virginia Woolf said

Mislim, to su knjige za koje je Virdžinija Vulf rekla

were tough as cat gut.

da su teške kao mačija utroba.

I don't know what cat gut is,

Ne znam šta je mačija utroba,

but let's assume it's formidable.

ali pretpostavimo da je teška.

Let's look at why they go so well together,

Pogledajmo zašto toliko pašu zajedno,

the novel and jealousy, jealousy and Proust.

roman i ljubomora, ljubomora i Prust.

Is it something as obvious as that jealousy,

Da li je išta tako očito kao to da je ljubomora,

which boils down into person, desire, impediment,

koja se svodi na osobu, žudnju i prepreku,

is such a solid narrative foundation?

takav čvrst temelj za pripovedanje?

I don't know. I think it cuts very close to the bone,

Ne znam. Mislim da taj rez zadire do blizu kosti,

because let's think about what happens

jer razmislimo o tome šta se događa

when we feel jealous.

kada osećamo ljubomoru.

When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story.

Kad osećamo ljubomoru, mi sebi pričamo priču

We tell ourselves a story about other people's lives,

o tuđim životima

and these stories make us feel terrible

i užasno se osećamo,

because they're designed to make us feel terrible.

jer su te priče baš zato i stvorene.

As the teller of the tale and the audience,

Kao pripovedač u priči i kao publika,

we know just what details to include,

znamo tačno koje detalje da uključimo,

to dig that knife in. Right?

da bismo zarili taj nož. Zar ne?

Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists,

Ljubomora nas sve čini amaterskim romanopiscima

and this is something Proust understood.

i to je Prust razumeo.

In the first volume, Swann's Way,

U prvom delu iz serije knjiga

the series of books,

U Svanovom kraju,

Swann, one of the main characters,

Svan, jedan od glavnih likova,

is thinking very fondly of his mistress

razmišlja vrlo nežno o svojoj ljubavnici,

and how great she is in bed,

kako je dobra u krevetu

and suddenly, in the course of a few sentences,

i odjednom, u toku nekoliko rečenica,

and these are Proustian sentences,

a to su prustovske rečenice

so they're long as rivers,

pa su duge kao reke,

but in the course of a few sentences,

ali u toku nekoliko rečenica,

he suddenly recoils and he realizes,

odjednom se priseća i shvata:

"Hang on, everything I love about this woman,

"Čekaj malo, sve što volim u toj ženi

somebody else would love about this woman.

mogao bi i neko drugi da voli.

Everything that she does that gives me pleasure

Sve što ona radi i što mi prija,

could be giving somebody else pleasure,

moglo bi prijati i nekom drugom,

maybe right about now."

i to možda baš sada."

And this is the story he starts to tell himself,

To je priča koju počinje sebi da priča,

and from then on, Proust writes that

i od tada, Prust piše da

every fresh charm Swann detects in his mistress,

svaku svežinu šarma koju Svan otkriva u svojoj ljubavnici,

he adds to his "collection of instruments

dodaje ličnoj "zbirci instrumenata

in his private torture chamber."

u svojoj privatnoj sobi za mučenje."

Now Swann and Proust, we have to admit,

Pa sad, moramo priznati da su Svan i Prust

were notoriously jealous.

izuzetno ljubomorni.

You know, Proust's boyfriends would have to leave

Prustovi momci bi morali da napuste

the country if they wanted to break up with him.

zemlju, ako bi hteli da prekinu s njim.

But you don't have to be that jealous

Ali ne morate biti toliko ljubomorni

to concede that it's hard work. Right?

da priznate da je to teško. Zar ne?

Jealousy is exhausting.

Ljubomora je iscrpljujuća.

It's a hungry emotion. It must be fed.

To je gladna emocija. Mora se hraniti.

And what does jealousy like?

Šta voli ljubomora?

Jealousy likes information.

Ona voli informacije,

Jealousy likes details.

detalje,

Jealousy likes the vast quantities of shiny hair,

ogromne količine sjajne kose,

the cute little pencil case.

zgodnu malu peratonicu,

Jealousy likes photos.

fotografije.

That's why Instagram is such a hit. (Laughter)

Zato je Instagram takav hit. (Smeh)

Proust actually links the language of scholarship and jealousy.

Prust povezuje jezik učenosti i ljubomore.

When Swann is in his jealous throes,

Kad je Svan u svom ljubomornom grču

and suddenly he's listening at doorways

i odjednom osluškuje na vratima,

and bribing his mistress' servants,

podmićuje poslugu svoje ljubavnice,

he defends these behaviors.

on brani ta ponašanja.

He says, "You know, look, I know you think this is repugnant,

Kaže: "Znam da mislite da je to odvratno,

but it is no different

ali to se ne razlikuje

from interpreting an ancient text

od tumačenja drevnog teksta

or looking at a monument."

ili razgledanja spomenika."

He says, "They are scientific investigations

Kaže: "To su naučna istraživanja

with real intellectual value."

s pravom intelektualnom vrednošću."

Proust is trying to show us that jealousy

Prust pokušava da nam pokaže da se ljubomora

feels intolerable and makes us look absurd,

oseća nepodnošljivom i da nas čini apsurdnim,

but it is, at its crux, a quest for knowledge,

ali da je, na svom vrhuncu, potraga za znanjem,

a quest for truth, painful truth,

za istinom, bolnom istinom

and actually, where Proust is concerned,

i zapravo, što se tiče Prusta,

the more painful the truth, the better.

što je istina bolnija, to je bolje.

Grief, humiliation, loss:

Žalost, poniženje, gubitak:

These were the avenues to wisdom for Proust.

To su avenije do mudrosti za Prusta.

He says, "A woman whom we need,

On kaže: "Žena koja nam je potrebna,

who makes us suffer, elicits from us

ona koja nam stvara patnju, izvlači iz nas

a gamut of feelings far more profound and vital

paletu osećanja daleko dubljih i vitalnijih

than a man of genius who interests us."

od genija koji nas zanima."

Is he telling us to just go and find cruel women?

Da li nam on to sugeriše da krenemo u potragu za okrutnim ženama?

No. I think he's trying to say

Ne. Mislim da pokušava da kaže

that jealousy reveals us to ourselves.

da nas ljubomora otkriva samima sebi.

And does any other emotion crack us open

I da li nas bilo koja druga emocija otvara

in this particular way?

na ovakav poseban način?

Does any other emotion reveal to us

Da li nam bilo koja druga emocija otkriva

our aggression and our hideous ambition

našu agresivnost, odvratne ambicije

and our entitlement?

i naša ovlašćenja?

Does any other emotion teach us to look

Da li nas bilo koja druga emocija uči da gledamo

with such peculiar intensity?

s tako neobičnim intenzitetom?

Freud would write about this later.

Frojd će pisati o ovom kasnije.

One day, Freud was visited

Frojda je jednog dana posetio

by this very anxious young man who was consumed

vrlo uznemiren mladić obuzet

with the thought of his wife cheating on him.

mišlju da ga njegova supruga vara.

And Freud says, it's something strange about this guy,

Frojd je rekao da ima nešto čudno u tom čoveku,

because he's not looking at what his wife is doing.

jer on ne gleda na to šta njegova supruga radi.

Because she's blameless; everybody knows it.

Jer ona je bez mane, to svi znaju.

The poor creature is just

Jadno stvorenje je samo

under suspicion for no cause.

pod sumnjom bez uzroka.

But he's looking for things that his wife is doing

Ali on je u potrazi za onim što njegova supruga radi

without noticing, unintentional behaviors.

neprimećujući, nenamerna ponašanja.

Is she smiling too brightly here,

Da li se ona previše smeška ovde

or did she accidentally brush up against a man there?

ili se slučajno očeše o onog čoveka tamo?

[Freud] says that the man is becoming

Frojd kaže da je čovek postao

the custodian of his wife's unconscious.

čuvar podsvesnog u svojoj supruzi.

The novel is very good on this point.

Roman je vrlo dobar u tome.

The novel is very good at describing how jealousy

Roman vrlo dobro opisuje kako nas ljubomora

trains us to look with intensity but not accuracy.

trenira da gledamo s intenzitetom, ali ne i s preciznošću.

In fact, the more intensely jealous we are,

U stvari, što smo više ljubomorni,

the more we become residents of fantasy.

sve više postajemo stanovnici fantazije.

And this is why, I think, jealousy doesn't

I mislim da nas zato ljubomora

just provoke us to do violent things

ne samo provocira da učinimo nasilne stvari

or illegal things.

ili ilegalne stvari.

Jealousy prompts us to behave in ways

Ljubomora nas podstiče da se ponašamo na načine

that are wildly inventive.

koji su mahnito inventivni.

Now I'm thinking of myself at eight, I concede,

Priznajem da razmišljam o sebi sa osam godina,

but I'm also thinking of this story I heard on the news.

ali takođe razmišljam o ovoj priči koju sam čula na vestima.

A 52-year-old Michigan woman was caught

52-godišnja žena iz Mičigena je uhvaćena

creating a fake Facebook account

kada je napravila lažni nalog na Fejsbuku

from which she sent vile, hideous messages

sa koga je slala zlobne, ružne poruke

to herself for a year.

sebi godinu dana.

For a year. A year.

Godinu dana. Godinu.

And she was trying to frame

Pokušala je da namesti

her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend,

novoj devojci svog bivšeg dečka

and I have to confess when I heard this,

i moram priznati kad sam to čula,

I just reacted with admiration.

da sam odreagovala divljenjem.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Because, I mean, let's be real.

Jer, mislim, budimo realni.

What immense, if misplaced, creativity. Right?

Kakva ogromna, mada zagubljena, kreativnost. Zar ne?

This is something from a novel.

To je nešto iz romana.

This is something from a Patricia Highsmith novel.

Iz romana Patricije Hajsmit.

Now Highsmith is a particular favorite of mine.

Hajsmitova mi je posebno draga.

She is the very brilliant and bizarre woman of American letters.

Sjajna i bizarna žena američkog pera.

She's the author of "Strangers on a Train"

Autor je knjige "Nepoznati iz Nord Ekspresa"

and "The Talented Mr. Ripley,"

i "Talentovani gospodin Ripli",

books that are all about how jealousy,

knjige koje su sve o tome kako ljubomora,

it muddles our minds,

pomuti naše umove

and once we're in the sphere, in that realm of jealousy,

i jednom kada smo u sferi, u tom području ljubomore,

the membrane between what is and what could be

membrana između onoga što jeste i onoga što bi moglo biti

can be pierced in an instant.

može biti probijena u trenu.

Take Tom Ripley, her most famous character.

Uzmite Toma Riplija, njen najpoznatiji lik.

Now, Tom Ripley goes from wanting you

Tom Ripli ide od toga da vas želi

or wanting what you have

ili želi ono što imate

to being you and having what you once had,

do toga da je on vi i da ima ono što ste nekada imali,

and you're under the floorboards,

a vi ste ispod podnih dasaka,

he's answering to your name,

on se odaziva na vaše ime,

he's wearing your rings,

nosi vaše prstenje,

emptying your bank account.

prazni vaš bankovni račun.

That's one way to go.

To je jedan način.

But what do we do? We can't go the Tom Ripley route.

Ali, šta mi radimo? Ne možemo ići putem Toma Riplija.

I can't give the world D's,

Ne mogu svetu da podelim dvojke,

as much as I would really like to, some days.

koliko god to nekad zaista želela.

And it's a pity, because we live in envious times.

I to je šteta, jer živimo u vremenima zavisti.

We live in jealous times.

Živimo u ljubomornim vremenima.

I mean, we're all good citizens of social media,

Mislim, zar nismo svi mi dobri građani

aren't we, where the currency is envy?

društvenih medija, gde je valuta zavist?

Does the novel show us a way out? I'm not sure.

Da li nam roman pokazuje izlaz? Nisam sigurna.

So let's do what characters always do when they're not sure,

Učinimo ono što likovi uvek rade kada nisu sigurni,

when they are in possession of a mystery.

kada su u posedu misterije.

Let's go to 221B Baker Street

Idemo u 221B Bejker ulicu

and ask for Sherlock Holmes.

i potražimo Šerloka Holmsa.

When people think of Holmes,

Kad ljudi misle o Holmsu,

they think of his nemesis being Professor Moriarty,

oni pomisle da je njegov neprijatelj profesor Moriarti,

right, this criminal mastermind.

taj kriminalni genije.

But I've always preferred [Inspector] Lestrade,

Ali uvek mi se više dopadao inspektor Lestrejd,

who is the rat-faced head of Scotland Yard

pacovskog lica, koji je šef Skotland Jarda,

who needs Holmes desperately,

kome je Holms očajnički potreban,

needs Holmes' genius, but resents him.

treba mu Holmsov genije, ali ga prezire

Oh, it's so familiar to me.

O, to mi je tako poznato.

So Lestrade needs his help, resents him,

Dakle, Lestrejd treba njegovu pomoć, prezire ga

and sort of seethes with bitterness over the course of the mysteries.

i istovremeno kipi od gorčine u toku trajanja misterija.

But as they work together, something starts to change,

No, u toku zajedničkog rada, nešto počinje da se menja

and finally in "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons,"

i konačno u "Šest Napoleona,"

once Holmes comes in, dazzles everybody with his solution,

kada se Holms pojavi, zaslepljuje svakog svojim rešenjem,

Lestrade turns to Holmes and he says,

Lestrejd se okreće Holmsu i kaže:

"We're not jealous of you, Mr. Holmes.

"Nismo ljubomorni na vas, gospodine Holms.

We're proud of you."

Ponosni smo na vas".

And he says that there's not a man at Scotland Yard

I on kaže da ne postoji čovek u Skotland Jardu

who wouldn't want to shake Sherlock Holmes' hand.

koji ne bi želeo da se rukuje sa Šerlokom Holmsom.

It's one of the few times we see Holmes moved

To je jedan od retkih trenutaka kada vidimo Holmsa ganutog

in the mysteries, and I find it very moving,

u misterijama i meni je jako dirljiva

this little scene, but it's also mysterious, right?

ta kratka scena, ali je takođe tajanstvena, zar ne?

It seems to treat jealousy

Izgleda da posmatra ljubomoru

as a problem of geometry, not emotion.

kao problem geometrije, ne emocija.

You know, one minute Holmes is on the other side from Lestrade.

Za minutu je Holmes na drugoj strani od Lestrejda.

The next minute they're on the same side.

Sledećeg minuta su na istoj strani.

Suddenly, Lestrade is letting himself

Odjednom je Lestrejd dozvolio sebi

admire this mind that he's resented.

divljenje ovom umu kome je zamerao.

Could it be so simple though?

Može li to biti tako jednostavno?

What if jealousy really is a matter of geometry,

Šta ako je ljubomora zaista stvar geometrije,

just a matter of where we allow ourselves to stand

samo stvar toga gde sebi dopustimo da se postavimo

in relation to another?

u odnosu na drugog?

Well, maybe then we wouldn't have to resent

Onda možda ne bismo morali da preziremo

somebody's excellence.

nečiju izvrsnost.

We could align ourselves with it.

Mogli bismo se uskladiti s njom.

But I like contingency plans.

Ali sviđaju mi se planovi s neočekivanim krajem.

So while we wait for that to happen,

Pa dok čekamo da se to dogodi,

let us remember that we have fiction for consolation.

setimo se da imamo beletristiku za utehu.

Fiction alone demystifies jealousy.

Samo beletristika demistifikuje ljubomoru,

Fiction alone domesticates it,

pripitomljava je,

invites it to the table.

poziva je za sto.

And look who it gathers:

A pogledajte koga ona okuplja:

sweet Lestrade, terrifying Tom Ripley,

slatkog Lestrejda, zastrašujućeg Toma Riplija,

crazy Swann, Marcel Proust himself.

ludog Svana i samog Marsela Prusta.

We are in excellent company.

U izvrsnom smo društvu.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)