An Ode to Envy | Parul Sehgal | TED Talks

Translator: Klavdija Cernilogar Reviewer: Lenka Tušar

So when I was eight years old,

Torej, ko sem imela osem let,

a new girl came to join the class,

je v razred prišla nova deklica.

and she was so impressive,

Bila je čudovita,

as the new girl always seems to be.

kot so ponavadi vse nove deklice.

She had vast quantities of very shiny hair

Imela je ogromno količino zelo svetlečih las

and a cute little pencil case,

in ljubko majhno peresnico,

super strong on state capitals,

še glavna mesta je znala na pamet,

just a great speller.

bila je odlična v črkovanju.

And I just curdled with jealousy that year,

Tisto leto me je zvijalo od ljubosumja,

until I hatched my devious plan.

potem pa sem razvila svoj zlobni načrt.

So one day I stayed a little late after school,

Nekega dne sem po pouku <br> malo dlje ostala v šoli

a little too late, and I lurked in the girls' bathroom.

in se skrila v dekliško stranišče.

When the coast was clear, I emerged,

Ko je bil zrak čist, sem prišla ven,

crept into the classroom,

se splazila v učilnico

and took from my teacher's desk the grade book.

in vzela redovalnico z učiteljeve mize.

And then I did it.

In potem sem nekaj naredila.

I fiddled with my rival's grades,

Spremenila sem ocene svoje tekmice,

just a little, just demoted some of those A's.

čisto malo, malo sem znižala nekaj njenih petic.

All of those A's. (Laughter)

Pravzaprav vse petice. (Smeh).

And I got ready to return the book to the drawer,

Skoraj sem že vrnila redovalnico v predal,

when hang on, some of my other classmates

ampak čakaj, tudi nekateri drugi sošolci

had appallingly good grades too.

so imeli odvratno dobre ocene.

So, in a frenzy,

V svoji blaznosti

I corrected everybody's marks,

sem spremenila ocene vsem,

not imaginatively.

a ne kar tako.

I gave everybody a row of D's

Vsem sem dala po nekaj dvojk,

and I gave myself a row of A's,

sebi pa nekaj petic,

just because I was there, you know, might as well.

ker sem pač bila tam, saj veste - zakaj pa ne.

And I am still baffled by my behavior.

Še vedno se čudim svojemu obnašanju.

I don't understand where the idea came from.

Ne razumem, odkod sem dobila zamisel.

I don't understand why I felt so great doing it.

Ne razumem, zakaj sem se počutila tako dobro, ko sem to počela.

I felt great.

Odlično sem se počutila.

I don't understand why I was never caught.

Ne razumem, zakaj me niso nikoli ujeli.

I mean, it should have been so blatantly obvious.

Hočem reči, bilo je ja očitno.

I was never caught.

Nikoli me niso ujeli.

But most of all, I am baffled by,

Najbolj od vsega pa me čudi,

why did it bother me so much

da me je tako motilo,

that this little girl, this tiny little girl,

da je ta majhna deklica, ta drobcena deklica

was so good at spelling?

tako obvladala črkovanje.

Jealousy baffles me.

Ljubosumje me čudi.

It's so mysterious, and it's so pervasive.

Tako skrivnostno, tako prodorno je.

We know babies suffer from jealousy.

Vemo, da so dojenčki ljubosumni.

We know primates do. Bluebirds are actually very prone.

Primati prav tako. Drozgi so temu zelo podvrženi.

We know that jealousy is the number one cause

Vemo, da je ljubosumje največji vzrok

of spousal murder in the United States.

za umore partnerjev v ZDA.

And yet, I have never read a study

A nisem še naletela na študijo,

that can parse to me its loneliness

ki bi razčlenila njegovo samotnost,

or its longevity or its grim thrill.

dolgotrajnost ali grozljivo vznemirljivost.

For that, we have to go to fiction,

Za to se moramo zateči k fikciji,

because the novel is the lab

saj je roman laboratorij,

that has studied jealousy

ki ljubosumje proučuje

in every possible configuration.

v vseh možnih oblikah.

In fact, I don't know if it's an exaggeration to say

Pravzaprav morda ni pretirano reči,

that if we didn't have jealousy,

da če ne bi bilo ljubosumja,

would we even have literature?

morda sploh ne bi imeli literature?

Well no faithless Helen, no "Odyssey."

Nobene nezveste Helene, nobene Odiseje.

No jealous king, no "Arabian Nights."

Nobenega ljubosumnega kralja, nobenih Arabskih noči.

No Shakespeare.

Nobenega Shakespeara.

There goes high school reading lists,

Adijo gimnazijsko domače branje,

because we're losing "Sound and the Fury,"

saj ne bi bilo romana Krik in bes,

we're losing "Gatsby," "Sun Also Rises,"

ne bi bilo Gatsby-ja, ne romana Sonce tudi vzhaja,

we're losing "Madame Bovary," "Anna K."

izgubili bi Gospo Bovary, Ano K.

No jealousy, no Proust. And now, I mean,

Brez ljubosumja ne bi bilo Prousta. Saj vem,

I know it's fashionable to say that Proust

da je moderno reči, da ima Proust

has the answers to everything,

odgovore na vsa vprašanja,

but in the case of jealousy,

a v primeru ljubosumja

he kind of does.

jih nekako res ima.

This year is the centennial of his masterpiece, "In Search of Lost Time,"

Letos mineva sto let od njegove mojstrovine V iskanju izgubljenega časa,

and it's the most exhaustive study of sexual jealousy

kar je najbolj poglobljena študija seksualnega ljubosumja

and just regular competitiveness, my brand,

in splošne tekmovalnosti - to je moja spretnost -

that we can hope to have. (Laughter)

kar bi jih sploh lahko imeli. (Smeh).

And we think about Proust, we think

Ko pomislimo na Prousta, se spomnimo

about the sentimental bits, right?

bolj sentimentalnih delov, kajne?

We think about a little boy trying to get to sleep.

Spomnimo se dečka, ki se trudi zaspati.

We think about a madeleine moistened in lavender tea.

Pa magdalenic namočenih v sivkin čaj.

We forget how harsh his vision was.

Pozabimo, kako oster je bil.

We forget how pitiless he is.

Kako nemilosten.

I mean, these are books that Virginia Woolf said

To so vendar knjige, za katere je Virginia Woolf dejala,

were tough as cat gut.

da so napete kot struna.

I don't know what cat gut is,

Ne vem, kako močne so strune,

but let's assume it's formidable.

a predstavljajmo si, da so izjemne.

Let's look at why they go so well together,

Poglejmo, zakaj tako lepo gresta skupaj,

the novel and jealousy, jealousy and Proust.

roman in ljubosumje, ljubosumje in Proust.

Is it something as obvious as that jealousy,

Je morda očitno, da je ljubosumje,

which boils down into person, desire, impediment,

ki se zreducira na osebo, poželenje, oviro,

is such a solid narrative foundation?

enostavno tako trdna osnova za zgodbo?

I don't know. I think it cuts very close to the bone,

Ne vem. Mislim, da je to blizu resnici.

because let's think about what happens

Kaj se namreč zgodi,

when we feel jealous.

ko smo ljuosumni?

When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story.

Ko smo ljubosumni, si pripovedujemo zgodbo.

We tell ourselves a story about other people's lives,

Zgodbo o življenju drugih ljudi,

and these stories make us feel terrible

zaradi česar se počutimo grozno,

because they're designed to make us feel terrible.

saj je tak tudi namen takih zgodb.

As the teller of the tale and the audience,

Kot pripovedovalec in občinstvo

we know just what details to include,

vemo, katere podrobnosti naj vključimo,

to dig that knife in. Right?

da bi še globlje zarili nož. Mar ne?

Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists,

Zaradi ljubosumja postanemo ljubiteljski pisatelji,

and this is something Proust understood.

kar je Proust dobro razumel.

In the first volume, Swann's Way,

V prvem delu, V Swannovem svetu,

the series of books,

ki je serija knjig,

Swann, one of the main characters,

Swann, eden od glavnih junakov,

is thinking very fondly of his mistress

ljubeče razmišlja o svoji ljubici

and how great she is in bed,

in o tem, kako dobra je v postelji.

and suddenly, in the course of a few sentences,

Potem pa v nekaj povedih

and these are Proustian sentences,

in to so Proustove povedi,

so they're long as rivers,

torej so dolge kot reka,

but in the course of a few sentences,

v nekaj povedih

he suddenly recoils and he realizes,

spremeni pogled in ugotovi:

"Hang on, everything I love about this woman,

"Čakaj, vse, kar ljubim na tej ženski,

somebody else would love about this woman.

bi lahko ljubil tudi kdo drug.

Everything that she does that gives me pleasure

V vsem, pri čemer z njo uživam,

could be giving somebody else pleasure,

bi lahko užival tudi kdo drug,

maybe right about now."

morda prav zdaj."

And this is the story he starts to tell himself,

Pripovedovati si začne to zgodbo

and from then on, Proust writes that

in odtlej, piše Proust,

every fresh charm Swann detects in his mistress,

vsaka nova privlačna stvar, ki jo Swann opazi pri ljubici,

he adds to his "collection of instruments

postane del njegove "zbirke orodij

in his private torture chamber."

v njegovi zasebni mučilnici."

Now Swann and Proust, we have to admit,

Priznati moramo, da sta bila tako Swann kot Proust

were notoriously jealous.

znana po ljubosumju.

You know, Proust's boyfriends would have to leave

Proustovi ljubimci so morali zapustiti

the country if they wanted to break up with him.

državo, če so hoteli končati razmerje z njim.

But you don't have to be that jealous

A ni treba biti tako ljubosumen,

to concede that it's hard work. Right?

da bi priznali, da je to zahteven opravek. Ne?

Jealousy is exhausting.

Ljubosumje nas izčrpa.

It's a hungry emotion. It must be fed.

Lačno čustvo je. Treba ga je hraniti.

And what does jealousy like?

In kaj mu je všeč?

Jealousy likes information.

Podatki.

Jealousy likes details.

Podrobnosti.

Jealousy likes the vast quantities of shiny hair,

Velike količine svetlečih las,

the cute little pencil case.

ljubka majhna peresnica.

Jealousy likes photos.

Ljubosumje ima rado fotografije.

That's why Instagram is such a hit. (Laughter)

Zato je Instagram tak hit. (Smeh)

Proust actually links the language of scholarship and jealousy.

Proust pravzaprav poveže akademski jezik in ljubosumje.

When Swann is in his jealous throes,

Ko je Swann v oklepu ljubosumja,

and suddenly he's listening at doorways

ko naenkrat prisluškuje pri vratih,

and bribing his mistress' servants,

ko podkupuje ljubičine služabnike,

he defends these behaviors.

brani svoje ravnanje.

He says, "You know, look, I know you think this is repugnant,

Pravi:" Poglejte, vem, da mislite, da je to odvratno,

but it is no different

a nič drugače ni

from interpreting an ancient text

kot interpretirati starinsko besedilo

or looking at a monument."

ali si ogledovati spomenik."

He says, "They are scientific investigations

Pravi: "To so znanstvene raziskave

with real intellectual value."

s pravo intelektualno vrednostjo."

Proust is trying to show us that jealousy

Proust nam želi pokazati, da se ljubosumje zdi

feels intolerable and makes us look absurd,

nevzdržno in da nas dela absurdne,

but it is, at its crux, a quest for knowledge,

a je v svojem jedru iskanje védenja,

a quest for truth, painful truth,

iskanje resnice, boleče resnice,

and actually, where Proust is concerned,

in kar se tiče Prousta, pravzaprav,

the more painful the truth, the better.

bolj boleča ko je resnica, toliko bolje.

Grief, humiliation, loss:

Žalovanje, ponižanje, izguba.

These were the avenues to wisdom for Proust.

To so bile Proustove poti k modrosti.

He says, "A woman whom we need,

Dejal je: "Ženska, ki jo potrebujemo,

who makes us suffer, elicits from us

zaradi katere trpimo, v nas zbuja

a gamut of feelings far more profound and vital

spekter čustev, ki so veliko globlja in bolj bistvena,

than a man of genius who interests us."

kot bi to uspelo geniju, ki nas zanima."

Is he telling us to just go and find cruel women?

Nam mar pravi, naj gremo iskat krute ženske?

No. I think he's trying to say

Ne. Mislim, da hoče reči,

that jealousy reveals us to ourselves.

da nas ljubosumje razkrije nam samim.

And does any other emotion crack us open

Nas še kakšno drugo čustvo

in this particular way?

odpre na tak način?

Does any other emotion reveal to us

Ali nam kako drugo čustvo razkrije

our aggression and our hideous ambition

lastno agresivnost in odvratno ambicijo

and our entitlement?

ter zahtevo po tistem, kar nam po naše pripada?

Does any other emotion teach us to look

Nas katero drugo čustvo uči gledati

with such peculiar intensity?

s tako posebno intenzivnostjo?

Freud would write about this later.

Freud je kasneje pisal o tem.

One day, Freud was visited

Nekega dne ga je obiskal

by this very anxious young man who was consumed

tesnoben mladenič, ki ga je obsedla

with the thought of his wife cheating on him.

misel na to, da ga žena vara.

And Freud says, it's something strange about this guy,

Freud je menil, da je na tem moškem nekaj čudnega,

because he's not looking at what his wife is doing.

saj ni opazoval, kaj počne njegova žena.

Because she's blameless; everybody knows it.

Bila je nedolžna, vsi so to vedeli.

The poor creature is just

Ampak ubožico

under suspicion for no cause.

je brez razloga sumil.

But he's looking for things that his wife is doing

Iskal je kretnje, ki jih je delala

without noticing, unintentional behaviors.

podzavestno, iskal je naključno obnašanje.

Is she smiling too brightly here,

Se tu morda preveč smehlja,

or did she accidentally brush up against a man there?

se je tam morda po nesreči dotaknila moškega?

[Freud] says that the man is becoming

Freud meni, da je mož postal

the custodian of his wife's unconscious.

skrbnik ženine podzavesti.

The novel is very good on this point.

Roman je pri tem odličen.

The novel is very good at describing how jealousy

Odlično opisuje, kako nas ljubosumje

trains us to look with intensity but not accuracy.

nauči gledati intenzivno, a nenatančno.

In fact, the more intensely jealous we are,

Pravzaprav bolj ko smo intenzivno ljubosumni,

the more we become residents of fantasy.

bolj postajamo del fantazije.

And this is why, I think, jealousy doesn't

Mislim, da nas ljubosumje zato

just provoke us to do violent things

ne vodi samo v nasilje

or illegal things.

ali v nelegalna dejanja.

Jealousy prompts us to behave in ways

Ljubosumje povzroči, da se obnašamo

that are wildly inventive.

na noro iznajdljive načine.

Now I'm thinking of myself at eight, I concede,

Pri tem mislim nase pri osmih letih, priznam,

but I'm also thinking of this story I heard on the news.

mislim pa tudi na zgodbo, ki sem jo našla v novicah.

A 52-year-old Michigan woman was caught

52-letno žensko iz Michigana so ujeli,

creating a fake Facebook account

ko je ustvarila lažni profil na Facebooku,

from which she sent vile, hideous messages

od koder je leto dni pošiljala zlobna, grozna sporočila

to herself for a year.

sami sebi.

For a year. A year.

Eno leto. Eno leto.

And she was trying to frame

Hotela je obtožiti

her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend,

novo punco svojega bivšega fanta.

and I have to confess when I heard this,

Priznati moram, da ko sem to slišala,

I just reacted with admiration.

sem jo občudovala.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Because, I mean, let's be real.

Ker, hočem reči, bodimo iskreni.

What immense, if misplaced, creativity. Right?

Kakšna neznanska, čeprav neustrezna kreativnost. Ne?

This is something from a novel.

To je nekaj, o čemer beremo v romanu.

This is something from a Patricia Highsmith novel.

To je nekaj iz knjig Patricie Highsmith.

Now Highsmith is a particular favorite of mine.

Highsmithova je ena mojih najljubših.

She is the very brilliant and bizarre woman of American letters.

Odlična in bizarna ženska ameriške literature je.

She's the author of "Strangers on a Train"

Je avtorica Tujcev na vlaku

and "The Talented Mr. Ripley,"

in Nadarjenega gospoda Ripleya.

books that are all about how jealousy,

Ti knjigi prikazujeta, kako ljubosumje

it muddles our minds,

zamegli naš razum,

and once we're in the sphere, in that realm of jealousy,

in ko smo enkrat v sferi, v območju ljubosumja,

the membrane between what is and what could be

lahko membrano med tem, kar je in kar bi lahko bilo,

can be pierced in an instant.

prebodemo v trenutku.

Take Tom Ripley, her most famous character.

Tom Ripley, njen najslavnejši junak, recimo.

Now, Tom Ripley goes from wanting you

Ripley gre od želje po tebi

or wanting what you have

ali po tem, kar imaš,

to being you and having what you once had,

do tega, da postane ti in ima, kar si nekoč imel,

and you're under the floorboards,

ti pa si pod rušo,

he's answering to your name,

oglaša se na tvoje ime,

he's wearing your rings,

nosi tvoje prstane,

emptying your bank account.

prazni tvoj bančni račun.

That's one way to go.

To je eden od načinov.

But what do we do? We can't go the Tom Ripley route.

Kaj lahko naredimo? Ne moremo ponavljati za Tomom Ripleyem.

I can't give the world D's,

Ne morem vsemu svetu dati dvojke,

as much as I would really like to, some days.

čeprav bi si včasih zelo želela.

And it's a pity, because we live in envious times.

Škoda, saj živimo v ljubosumnih časih.

We live in jealous times.

Živimo v ljubosumnih časih.

I mean, we're all good citizens of social media,

Hočem reči, vsi smo dobri državljani družbenih medijev,

aren't we, where the currency is envy?

kajne, kjer je ljubosumje valuta.

Does the novel show us a way out? I'm not sure.

Nam roman kaže izhod? Nisem prepričana.

So let's do what characters always do when they're not sure,

Naredimo to, kar junaki naredijo, ko niso prepričani,

when they are in possession of a mystery.

ko se znajdejo pred skrivnostjo.

Let's go to 221B Baker Street

Gremo na Baker street 221B

and ask for Sherlock Holmes.

in povprašajmo po Sherlocku Holmesu.

When people think of Holmes,

Ko ljudje pomislijo na Holmesa,

they think of his nemesis being Professor Moriarty,

se spomnijo njegovega antijunaka, profesorja Moriartija,

right, this criminal mastermind.

njegovega genialnega kriminalca.

But I've always preferred [Inspector] Lestrade,

A meni je ljubši inšpektor Lestrade,

who is the rat-faced head of Scotland Yard

neprivlačni šef Scotland Yarda,

who needs Holmes desperately,

ki Holmesa nujno potrebuje,

needs Holmes' genius, but resents him.

potrebuje njegov razum, a ga prezira.

Oh, it's so familiar to me.

To mi je tako znano.

So Lestrade needs his help, resents him,

Lestrade ga potrebuje, ga prezira

and sort of seethes with bitterness over the course of the mysteries.

in poka od zagrenjenosti pri reševanju skrivnosti.

But as they work together, something starts to change,

Ko pa sodelujeta, se nekaj spremeni,

and finally in "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons,"

in končno v Pustolovščini šestih Napoleonov,

once Holmes comes in, dazzles everybody with his solution,

ko Holmes vstopi in vse očara s svojo rešitvijo,

Lestrade turns to Holmes and he says,

se Lestrade obrne k njemu in reče:

"We're not jealous of you, Mr. Holmes.

"Nismo ljubosumni na vas, g. Holmes.

We're proud of you."

Ponosni smo na vas."

And he says that there's not a man at Scotland Yard

Doda, da ga ni moža na Scotland Yardu,

who wouldn't want to shake Sherlock Holmes' hand.

ki se ne bi želel rokovati s Holmesom.

It's one of the few times we see Holmes moved

To je eden redkih trenutkov, v katerih vidimo Holmesa ganjenega,

in the mysteries, and I find it very moving,

kar se tudi meni zdi ganljivo,

this little scene, but it's also mysterious, right?

a ta kratek prizor je obenem tudi skrivnosten, ne?

It seems to treat jealousy

Zdi se, da ljubosumje obravnava

as a problem of geometry, not emotion.

kot problem geometrije, ne čustev.

You know, one minute Holmes is on the other side from Lestrade.

Veste, v enem trenutku je Holmes nasprotje Lestrada.

The next minute they're on the same side.

V drugem sta na isti strani.

Suddenly, Lestrade is letting himself

Naenkrat si Lestrade dovoli

admire this mind that he's resented.

občudovati razum, ki ga je preziral.

Could it be so simple though?

Je lahko tako enostavno?

What if jealousy really is a matter of geometry,

Kaj, če je ljubosumje res stvar geometrije,

just a matter of where we allow ourselves to stand

stvar tega, kam se postavimo

in relation to another?

glede na drugega?

Well, maybe then we wouldn't have to resent

No, morda nam potem ni treba prezirati

somebody's excellence.

odličnosti nekoga drugega.

We could align ourselves with it.

Lahko se uskladimo z njo.

But I like contingency plans.

A jaz imam rada rezervne načrte.

So while we wait for that to happen,

Ko čakamo, da se to zgodi,

let us remember that we have fiction for consolation.

se spomnimo, da nas lahko tolaži literatura.

Fiction alone demystifies jealousy.

Fikcija sama odvzame skrivnostnost ljubosumju.

Fiction alone domesticates it,

Udomači ga

invites it to the table.

in ga povabi k mizi.

And look who it gathers:

In glejte, kdo se zbere:

sweet Lestrade, terrifying Tom Ripley,

nežni Lestrade, grozljivi Tom Ripley,

crazy Swann, Marcel Proust himself.

nori Swann, sam Marcel Proust.

We are in excellent company.

V odlični družbi smo.

Thank you.

Hvala.

(Applause)

(Aplavz)