An Ode to Envy | Parul Sehgal | TED Talks

Prevoditelj: Anja Kolobarić Recezent: Ivan Stamenković

So when I was eight years old,

Kad sam imala osam godina,

a new girl came to join the class,

u razred nam je došla nova djevojčica

and she was so impressive,

koja je bila tako impresivna,

as the new girl always seems to be.

kakve uvijek budu sve nove djevojčice.

She had vast quantities of very shiny hair

Imala je slapove sjajne kose,

and a cute little pencil case,

slatku pernicu,

super strong on state capitals,

znala je sve glavne gradove država

just a great speller.

i odlično je sricala.

And I just curdled with jealousy that year,

Te me godine obuzimala ljubomora

until I hatched my devious plan.

sve dok nisam smislila pakleni plan.

So one day I stayed a little late after school,

Jednog sam dana malo ostala poslije škole,

a little too late, and I lurked in the girls' bathroom.

malo previše skrivajući se u toaletu za djevojčice.

When the coast was clear, I emerged,

Kad je zrak bio čist, izašla sam,

crept into the classroom,

ušuljala se u učionicu

and took from my teacher's desk the grade book.

i uzela imenik iz učiteljicinog stola.

And then I did it.

I onda sam to učinila.

I fiddled with my rival's grades,

Poigrala sam se ocjenama svoje protivnice,

just a little, just demoted some of those A's.

samo malo, samo snizila neke petice.

All of those A's. (Laughter)

Sve petice. (Smijeh)

And I got ready to return the book to the drawer,

Kad sam se spremala vratiti imenik u ladicu,

when hang on, some of my other classmates

sjetila sam se da druge kolege iz razreda

had appallingly good grades too.

također imaju strašno dobre ocjene.

So, in a frenzy,

Stoga sam u ludilu

I corrected everybody's marks,

svima popravila ocjene,

not imaginatively.

i to ne pretjerano maštovito.

I gave everybody a row of D's

Svima sam dala red dvojki,

and I gave myself a row of A's,

a sebi red petica.

just because I was there, you know, might as well.

Znate, kad sam već tu...

And I am still baffled by my behavior.

Još sam uvijek zapanjena svojim ponašanjem.

I don't understand where the idea came from.

Ne razumijem odakle mi ta ideja.

I don't understand why I felt so great doing it.

Ne razumijem zašto sam se osjećala toliko odlično dok sam to radila.

I felt great.

Odlično sam se osjećala.

I don't understand why I was never caught.

Ne razumijem zašto nikad nisam uhvaćena.

I mean, it should have been so blatantly obvious.

Ta trebalo je biti očito.

I was never caught.

Nikad nisam uhvaćena.

But most of all, I am baffled by,

No najviše ne razumijem

why did it bother me so much

zašto me toliko mučilo

that this little girl, this tiny little girl,

što je ta majušna djevojčica

was so good at spelling?

tako dobra u sricanju.

Jealousy baffles me.

Ljubomora me zapanjuje.

It's so mysterious, and it's so pervasive.

Toliko je misteriozna i toliko prodiruća.

We know babies suffer from jealousy.

Znamo da bebe pate od ljubomore,

We know primates do. Bluebirds are actually very prone.

kao i primati. I drozdovi su joj iznimno skloni.

We know that jealousy is the number one cause

Znamo da je ljubomora glavni razlog

of spousal murder in the United States.

ubojstva u braku u SAD-u.

And yet, I have never read a study

No nikad nisam naišla na istraživanje

that can parse to me its loneliness

koje bi mi dočaralo osamljenost,

or its longevity or its grim thrill.

dugovječnost ili strašnu zadovoljštinu koju pruža.

For that, we have to go to fiction,

Za to se okrećemo fikciji

because the novel is the lab

jer je roman laboratorij

that has studied jealousy

koji proučava ljubomoru

in every possible configuration.

u svakom mogućem obliku.

In fact, I don't know if it's an exaggeration to say

Naime, ne znam je li pretjerivanje reći

that if we didn't have jealousy,

da bez ljubomore

would we even have literature?

ne bi bilo ni književnosti.

Well no faithless Helen, no "Odyssey."

Bez nevjerne Helene ne bi bilo ni "Odiseje".

No jealous king, no "Arabian Nights."

Bez ljubomornog kralja ne bi bilo ni "1001 noći".

No Shakespeare.

Ni Shakespearea.

There goes high school reading lists,

To je cijeli srednjoškolski popis lektire

because we're losing "Sound and the Fury,"

jer gubimo i "Krik i bijes",

we're losing "Gatsby," "Sun Also Rises,"

"Gatsbyja", "I sunce se rađa",

we're losing "Madame Bovary," "Anna K."

"Gospođu Bovary", "Anu Karenjinu".

No jealousy, no Proust. And now, I mean,

Bez ljubomore ne bi bilo ni Prousta.

I know it's fashionable to say that Proust

Znam da je sad moderno reći da Proust

has the answers to everything,

ima odgovor na sve,

but in the case of jealousy,

ali kad se radi o ljubomori,

he kind of does.

zaista ima svaki odgovor.

This year is the centennial of his masterpiece, "In Search of Lost Time,"

Ove je godine stogodišnjica remek-djela "U potrazi za izgubljenim vremenom",

and it's the most exhaustive study of sexual jealousy

a to je najopširniji prikaz seksualne ljubomore

and just regular competitiveness, my brand,

i natjecateljskog duha, moje vrste,

that we can hope to have. (Laughter)

kojemu se možemo nadati. (Smijeh)

And we think about Proust, we think

Kad razmišljamo o Proustu, sjetimo se

about the sentimental bits, right?

sentimentalnih dijelova, zar ne?

We think about a little boy trying to get to sleep.

Dječaka koji pokušava zaspati,

We think about a madeleine moistened in lavender tea.

kolačića madeleine u lipovom čaju.

We forget how harsh his vision was.

Zaboravljamo koliko mu je pogled bio grub.

We forget how pitiless he is.

Zaboravljamo koliko je nemilosrdan.

I mean, these are books that Virginia Woolf said

Ipak je te knjige Virginia Woolf

were tough as cat gut.

nazvala grubima kao mačje crijevo.

I don't know what cat gut is,

Ne znam što je mačje crijevo,

but let's assume it's formidable.

ali pretpostavimo da je zastrašujuće.

Let's look at why they go so well together,

Razmotrimo zašto idu tako dobro zajedno -

the novel and jealousy, jealousy and Proust.

roman i ljubomora, ljubomora i Proust.

Is it something as obvious as that jealousy,

Je li jednostavno stvar u tome da je ljubomora,

which boils down into person, desire, impediment,

koja se svodi na pojedinca, čežnju i zapreku,

is such a solid narrative foundation?

tako snažan temelj priče?

I don't know. I think it cuts very close to the bone,

Ne znam. Mislim da se s time mnogi mogu poistovjetiti,

because let's think about what happens

pa razmislimo što se događa

when we feel jealous.

kad osjetimo ljubomoru.

When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story.

Kad osjetimo ljubomoru, ispričamo si priču.

We tell ourselves a story about other people's lives,

Ispričamo si priču o tuđim životima

and these stories make us feel terrible

i zbog njih se osjećamo užasno

because they're designed to make us feel terrible.

jer su stvorene s tim ciljem.

As the teller of the tale and the audience,

Kao pripovjedač i publika,

we know just what details to include,

točno znamo koje detalje uključiti

to dig that knife in. Right?

da taj nož dublje zareže. Zar ne?

Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists,

Ljubomora nas sve pretvara u romanopisce početnike,

and this is something Proust understood.

a to je nešto što je i Proust shvaćao.

In the first volume, Swann's Way,

U "Putu k Swannu", prvom dijelu

the series of books,

ciklusa romana,

Swann, one of the main characters,

Swann, jedan od glavnih likova,

is thinking very fondly of his mistress

s naklonosti razmišlja o svojoj voljenoj

and how great she is in bed,

i o tome koliko je dobra u krevetu

and suddenly, in the course of a few sentences,

i iznenada, u roku od nekoliko rečenica,

and these are Proustian sentences,

a to su prustovske rečenice,

so they're long as rivers,

dakle dugačke poput rijeka,

but in the course of a few sentences,

ali u roku od nekoliko rečenica,

he suddenly recoils and he realizes,

iznenada ustukne i shvati:

"Hang on, everything I love about this woman,

"Čekaj malo, sve to što ja volim na ovoj ženi,

somebody else would love about this woman.

može voljeti i netko drugi.

Everything that she does that gives me pleasure

Sve što čini, a što mi pruža zadovoljstvo,

could be giving somebody else pleasure,

može ga pružati i nekome drugome,

maybe right about now."

možda upravo sad."

And this is the story he starts to tell himself,

Tu si priču počinje pričati

and from then on, Proust writes that

i otada Proust piše

every fresh charm Swann detects in his mistress,

kako svaku novu draž koju Swann primijeti na svojoj voljenoj

he adds to his "collection of instruments

dodaje "kolekciji sprava

in his private torture chamber."

vlastite sobe za mučenje."

Now Swann and Proust, we have to admit,

Moramo priznati da su Swann I Proust

were notoriously jealous.

bili nepopravljivo ljubomorni.

You know, Proust's boyfriends would have to leave

Proustovi su dečki morali napustiti

the country if they wanted to break up with him.

državu ako su htjeli prekinuti s njim.

But you don't have to be that jealous

No ne morate biti toliko ljubomorni

to concede that it's hard work. Right?

da biste priznali da s njom imate pune ruke posla, zar ne?

Jealousy is exhausting.

Ljubomora iscrpljuje.

It's a hungry emotion. It must be fed.

Gladna je to emocija koju valja nahraniti.

And what does jealousy like?

A što ljubomora voli?

Jealousy likes information.

Ljubomora voli informacije.

Jealousy likes details.

Ljubomora voli detalje.

Jealousy likes the vast quantities of shiny hair,

Ljubomora voli slapove sjajne kose

the cute little pencil case.

i slatke pernice.

Jealousy likes photos.

Ljubomora voli fotografije.

That's why Instagram is such a hit. (Laughter)

Zato je Instagram toliko popularan. (Smijeh)

Proust actually links the language of scholarship and jealousy.

Proust povezuje učeni jezik i ljubomoru.

When Swann is in his jealous throes,

Kad je Swann na mukama ljubomore

and suddenly he's listening at doorways

i prisluškuje na vratima

and bribing his mistress' servants,

i podmićuje sluge svoje ljubavnice,

he defends these behaviors.

opravdava ta ponašanja.

He says, "You know, look, I know you think this is repugnant,

Kaže: "Slušaj, znam da misliš da je ovo odvratno,

but it is no different

ali nimalo se ne razlikuje

from interpreting an ancient text

od interpretiranja antičkih tekstova

or looking at a monument."

ili promatranja spomenika."

He says, "They are scientific investigations

Kaže: "To su znanstvena istraživanja

with real intellectual value."

sa stvarnom intelektualnom vrijednosti."

Proust is trying to show us that jealousy

Proust nam pokušava pokazati da je ljubomora

feels intolerable and makes us look absurd,

nepodnošljiva i zbog nje djelujemo apsurdno,

but it is, at its crux, a quest for knowledge,

ali ona je u svojoj srži potraga za znanjem,

a quest for truth, painful truth,

potraga za istinom, bolnom istinom,

and actually, where Proust is concerned,

a što se Prousta tiče,

the more painful the truth, the better.

što je istina bolnija, to bolje.

Grief, humiliation, loss:

Tuga, posramljenost, gubitak:

These were the avenues to wisdom for Proust.

to su za Prousta bili putevi do mudrosti.

He says, "A woman whom we need,

Kaže: "Žena koju trebamo,

who makes us suffer, elicits from us

zbog koje patimo iz nas izvlači

a gamut of feelings far more profound and vital

more osjećaja dubljih i važnijih

than a man of genius who interests us."

od genija koji nas zanima."

Is he telling us to just go and find cruel women?

Govori li nam da odemo pronaći okrutne žene?

No. I think he's trying to say

Ne. Mislim da nam pokušava reći

that jealousy reveals us to ourselves.

da nas ljubomora otkriva nama samima.

And does any other emotion crack us open

Slama li nas ijedna druga emocija

in this particular way?

na takav način?

Does any other emotion reveal to us

Otkriva li nam ijedna druga emocija

our aggression and our hideous ambition

našu agresivnost i odvratnu ambiciju

and our entitlement?

i naša prava?

Does any other emotion teach us to look

Uči li nas ijedna druga emocija promatranju

with such peculiar intensity?

tolikim intenzitetom?

Freud would write about this later.

Freud je kasnije pisao o tome.

One day, Freud was visited

Jednog dana Freuda je posjetio

by this very anxious young man who was consumed

strašno nervozan muškarac kojega je izjedala

with the thought of his wife cheating on him.

sumnja u supruginu vjernost.

And Freud says, it's something strange about this guy,

Freud kaže da ima nešto čudno u tom čovjeku

because he's not looking at what his wife is doing.

jer ne promatra suprugine postupke.

Because she's blameless; everybody knows it.

Ona je nedužna, svi to znaju.

The poor creature is just

U tu se jadnicu jednostavno

under suspicion for no cause.

bezrazložno sumnja.

But he's looking for things that his wife is doing

Ali on promatra njezina

without noticing, unintentional behaviors.

nenamjerna ponašanja.

Is she smiling too brightly here,

Smije li se presrdačno

or did she accidentally brush up against a man there?

ili je li se slučajno očešala o onog čovjeka?

[Freud] says that the man is becoming

Freud tvrdi da taj muškarac postaje

the custodian of his wife's unconscious.

nadzornik suprugine podsvijesti.

The novel is very good on this point.

Po tom pitanju roman je dobar.

The novel is very good at describing how jealousy

Roman jako dobro opisuje kako nas ljubomora

trains us to look with intensity but not accuracy.

izvježbava za intenzivno, ali ne i točno promatranje.

In fact, the more intensely jealous we are,

Štoviše, što smo ljubomorniji,

the more we become residents of fantasy.

to smo skloniji fantaziji.

And this is why, I think, jealousy doesn't

Zato smatram da nas ljubomora

just provoke us to do violent things

ne potiče samo na nasilne

or illegal things.

ili protuzakonite činove

Jealousy prompts us to behave in ways

već i na

that are wildly inventive.

strašno maštovite postupke.

Now I'm thinking of myself at eight, I concede,

Priznajem, razmišljam o osmogodišnjoj sebi,

but I'm also thinking of this story I heard on the news.

ali i o priči koju sam čula na vijestima.

A 52-year-old Michigan woman was caught

U Michiganu je uhvaćena 52-godišnja žena

creating a fake Facebook account

koja je napravila lažan profil na Facebooku

from which she sent vile, hideous messages

s kojeg si je slala podle, odvratne poruke

to herself for a year.

godinu dana.

For a year. A year.

Godinu dana. Godinu.

And she was trying to frame

A pokušavala je to smjestiti

her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend,

novoj djevojci svog bivšeg dečka.

and I have to confess when I heard this,

Moram priznati, kad sam ovo tek čula,

I just reacted with admiration.

osjetila sam divljenje.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

Because, I mean, let's be real.

Zato što, budimo realni,

What immense, if misplaced, creativity. Right?

kolika je to količina pogrešno usmjerene kreativnosti, zar ne?

This is something from a novel.

Kao iz romana,

This is something from a Patricia Highsmith novel.

kao iz romana Patricije Highsmith.

Now Highsmith is a particular favorite of mine.

Highsmith je moja omiljena spisateljica.

She is the very brilliant and bizarre woman of American letters.

Ona je briljantna i bizarna američka spisateljica.

She's the author of "Strangers on a Train"

Autorica je romana "Stranci u vlaku"

and "The Talented Mr. Ripley,"

i "Talentirani gospodin Ripley".

books that are all about how jealousy,

Obje knjige pokazuju kako nam ljubomora

it muddles our minds,

muti razum

and once we're in the sphere, in that realm of jealousy,

i jednom kad smo u toj sferi, u carstvu ljubomore,

the membrane between what is and what could be

membrana između onoga što jest i onoga što bi moglo biti

can be pierced in an instant.

u sekundi može biti probijena.

Take Tom Ripley, her most famous character.

Tom Ripley, njezin najpoznatiji lik,

Now, Tom Ripley goes from wanting you

polazi od želje za vama

or wanting what you have

ili željom da ima ono što vi imate

to being you and having what you once had,

do preuzimanja vašeg identiteta i svega što ste nekoć imali.

and you're under the floorboards,

Vi ste ispod podnih dasaka,

he's answering to your name,

on se odaziva na vaše ime,

he's wearing your rings,

nosi vaše prstenje,

emptying your bank account.

prazni vaše bankovne račune.

That's one way to go.

To je jedan od pristupa.

But what do we do? We can't go the Tom Ripley route.

Ali što mi radimo? Ne možemo ići Ripleyevim putem.

I can't give the world D's,

Ne mogu cijelom svijetu dati dvojke,

as much as I would really like to, some days.

ma koliko ja to nekada željela.

And it's a pity, because we live in envious times.

Šteta je jer živimo u vremenu zavisti.

We live in jealous times.

Živimo u vremenu ljubomore.

I mean, we're all good citizens of social media,

Svi smo dobri građani društvenih medija

aren't we, where the currency is envy?

u kojima je valuta zavist, zar ne?

Does the novel show us a way out? I'm not sure.

Ukazuje li nam ovaj roman na izlaz? Nisam sigurna.

So let's do what characters always do when they're not sure,

Učinimo ono što likovi uvijek rade kada nisu sigurni,

when they are in possession of a mystery.

kada ih muči misterij.

Let's go to 221B Baker Street

Pođimo do Ulice Baker na adresu 221B

and ask for Sherlock Holmes.

i tražimo Sherlocka Holmesa.

When people think of Holmes,

Kad ljudi razmišljaju o Holmesu,

they think of his nemesis being Professor Moriarty,

njegovim najvećim neprijateljem smatraju profesora Moriartyja,

right, this criminal mastermind.

vrhunskog kriminalca.

But I've always preferred [Inspector] Lestrade,

Ali meni je uvijek bio draži inspektor Lestrade,

who is the rat-faced head of Scotland Yard

čovjek nalik štakoru koji je voditelj Scotland Yarda

who needs Holmes desperately,

i koji očajnički treba Holmesa,

needs Holmes' genius, but resents him.

treba njegov genijalni um, ali zamjera mu.

Oh, it's so familiar to me.

To mi zvuči poznato.

So Lestrade needs his help, resents him,

Dakle, Lestrade treba njegovu pomoć, zamjera mu

and sort of seethes with bitterness over the course of the mysteries.

i kipi od ljutnje tijekom romana.

But as they work together, something starts to change,

No, kako zajedno rade, nešto se počinje mijenjati

and finally in "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons,"

i konačno u "Šest Napoleona"

once Holmes comes in, dazzles everybody with his solution,

kad Holmes stigne i sve oduševi svojim rješenjem,

Lestrade turns to Holmes and he says,

Lestrade se okrene Holmesu i kaže:

"We're not jealous of you, Mr. Holmes.

"Nismo ljubomorni na vas, gospodine Holmes.

We're proud of you."

Ponosni smo na vas."

And he says that there's not a man at Scotland Yard

I kaže da nema čovjeka na Scotland Yardu

who wouldn't want to shake Sherlock Holmes' hand.

koji Sherlocku ne bi htio pružiti ruku.

It's one of the few times we see Holmes moved

To je rijedak slučaj u kojem je Holmes ganut.

in the mysteries, and I find it very moving,

U knjizi mi je to jako dirljivo,

this little scene, but it's also mysterious, right?

cijela ta scena, ali je i misteriozna, zar ne?

It seems to treat jealousy

Kao da se prema ljubomori odnosi

as a problem of geometry, not emotion.

kao s geometrijskim problemom, a ne emocionalnim.

You know, one minute Holmes is on the other side from Lestrade.

U jednom je trenutku Holmes suprotstavljen Lestradeu.

The next minute they're on the same side.

U drugom su trenutku na istoj strani.

Suddenly, Lestrade is letting himself

Iznenada si Lestrade dozvoljava

admire this mind that he's resented.

diviti se umu kojem je zamjerao.

Could it be so simple though?

Je li to tako jednostavno?

What if jealousy really is a matter of geometry,

Što ako je ljubomora uistinu pitanje geometrije,

just a matter of where we allow ourselves to stand

samo pitanje toga na kojoj si strani dozvoljavamo stajati

in relation to another?

u odnosu na drugu osobu?

Well, maybe then we wouldn't have to resent

Tada možda ne bismo morali zamjerati

somebody's excellence.

tuđoj izvrsnosti.

We could align ourselves with it.

Mogli bi se uskladiti s njom.

But I like contingency plans.

Ali ja volim planove nepredviđenih mogućnosti.

So while we wait for that to happen,

Dok njih čekamo,

let us remember that we have fiction for consolation.

zapamtimo da nam za utjehu preostaje fikcija.

Fiction alone demystifies jealousy.

Sama fikcija demistificira ljubomoru.

Fiction alone domesticates it,

Ona je podomaćuje,

invites it to the table.

poziva je za stol.

And look who it gathers:

A pogledajte tko se sve skupio za njim:

sweet Lestrade, terrifying Tom Ripley,

dragi Lestrade, zastrašujući Tom Ripley,

crazy Swann, Marcel Proust himself.

ludi Swann, Marcel Proust glavom i bradom.

We are in excellent company.

U odličnom smo društvu.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)