Enough with the fear of fat | Kelli Jean Drinkwater

譯者: Yusi Chen 審譯者: Conway Ye

I'm here today to talk to you about a very powerful little word,

今天我在這裡和大家 討論一個短小卻有力的詞，

one that people will do almost anything

人們會盡其所能，

to avoid becoming.

來避免它的發生。

Billion-dollar industries thrive

幾十億美金的產業興旺，

because of the fear of it,

因為對它的恐懼；

and those of us who undeniably are it

但身處其中的人們，

are left to navigate a relentless storm

它正在我們周圍，

surrounding it.

不斷引發著風暴。

I'm not sure if any of you have noticed,

不知道你們注意到了沒有，

but I'm fat.

我是個胖子。

Not the lowercase, muttered-behind-my-back kind,

不是那種「只是有點胖，」

or the seemingly harmless chubby or cuddly.

也不是所謂的豐滿或可愛，

I'm not even the more sophisticated voluptuous or curvaceous kind.

更不是什麽凹凸有致的豐腴胖子。

Let's not sugarcoat it.

讓我們不要美化它了，

I am the capital F-A-T kind of fat.

我就是一個大寫的胖子，

I am the elephant in the room.

我就是房間裡顯而易見的大象。

When I walked out on stage,

當我走上舞臺的時候，

some of you may have been thinking,

有些人就會開始想，

"Aww, this is going to be hilarious,

「哦，這一定會非常搞笑，

because everybody knows that fat people are funny."

因為所有人都覺得胖子很搞笑。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or you may have been thinking, "Where does she get her confidence from?"

或者你又會想，「她哪來的勇氣？」

Because a confident fat woman is almost unthinkable.

因為我們幾乎無法想像 一個自信的胖女人。

The fashion-conscious members of the audience

而時尚感強的觀眾會想

may have been thinking how fabulous I look

我穿這件貝絲·迪托 (Beth Ditto) 的裙子

in this Beth Ditto dress --

有多麼好看。

(Cheers)

（歡呼）

thank you very much.

謝謝大家。

Whereas some of you might have thought,

有些人可能會覺得，

"Hmm, black would have been so much more slimming."

「穿黑色能顯瘦。」

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You may have wondered, consciously or not,

你們可能也好奇，

if I have diabetes, or a partner,

我是不是有糖尿病，有沒有伴侶，

or if I eat carbs after 7pm.

有沒有在晚上 7 點後 攝入碳水化合物。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

You may have worried that you ate carbs after 7pm last night,

你可能擔心你昨晚 7 點後 攝入的碳水化合物，

and that you really should renew your gym membership.

你真的需要續健身房的會費。

These judgments are insidious.

這些想法會在不知不覺中加劇，

They can be directed at individuals and groups,

它們會影響到個人和小集體，

and they can also be directed at ourselves.

它們也會直接影響到我們自身。

And this way of thinking is known as fatphobia.

這種想法，被稱為「肥胖恐懼症。」

Like any form of systematic oppression,

正如任何一種形式的體制壓迫，

fatphobia is deeply rooted in complex structures

對肥胖的恐懼已經通過 各種形式漸漸深入人心，

like capitalism, patriarchy and racism,

就像資本主義、男權社會 和種族偏見一樣。

and that can make it really difficult to see,

我們甚至不太了解它們，

let alone challenge.

就更別說去改變了。

We live in a culture

在我們所處的文化中，

where being fat is seen as being a bad person --

胖子被視為不好的人，

lazy, greedy, unhealthy, irresponsible

他們懶惰、貪吃、 不健康、還缺少責任感，

and morally suspect.

在道德方面常常被懷疑。

And we tend to see thinness

而當我們在看瘦子的時候，

as being universally good --

他們簡直各方面都是完美的，

responsible, successful,

他們有責任心、成功、

and in control of our appetites, bodies and lives.

還能夠控制食欲、身體、 以及自己的生活。

We see these ideas again and again

我們一次次的接收這種信息，

in the media, in public health policy,

它存在於媒體上、 存在公共衛生政策中、

doctors' offices,

在醫生的辦公室裡、

in everyday conversations

在日常的聊天中

and in our own attitudes.

以及我們自身的態度中。

We may even blame fat people themselves

我們甚至會責備那些胖子，

for the discrimination they face

對他們的樣子表示歧視。

because, after all, if we don't like it, we should just lose weight.

畢竟，如果不喜歡自己的樣子， 只要減肥就好了。

Easy.

很簡單啊。

This antifat bias has become so integral, so ingrained

這種「反胖」的偏見 在我們看待自己和他人的時候，

to how we value ourselves and each other

已經根深蒂固了。

that we rarely question why we have such contempt for people of size

我們卻從來不知道為什麼 我們對人的體型會有如此的藐視，

and where that disdain comes from.

這種藐視又是從哪來的。

But we must question it,

然而，我們必須向其提出質疑，

because the enormous value we place on how we look

因為我們對自身的樣貌極其的重視，

affects every one of us.

這種價值觀影響著每個人。

And do we really want to live in a society

我們真的想要活在這種社會下嗎？

where people are denied their basic humanity

僅因為不符合社會認可的形式， 就要被否定他的基本人性？

if they don't subscribe to some arbitrary form of acceptable?

So when I was six years old,

在我六歲的時候，

my sister used to teach ballet to a bunch of little girls in our garage.

我的姐姐在我家的車庫 教一群小女孩跳芭蕾，

I was about a foot taller and a foot wider than most of the group.

我幾乎比那裡所有的 小女孩都大一號。

When it came to doing our first performance,

在進行第一次表演的時候，

I was so excited about wearing a pretty pink tutu.

我因為要穿粉紅色的 芭蕾舞裙 (tutu) 而特別激動，

I was going to sparkle.

我覺得我今天一定會很耀眼。

As the other girls slipped easily into their Lycra and tulle creations,

但是當其他女孩都輕鬆的 穿上緊身衣和芭蕾舞裙的時候，

not one of the tutus was big enough to fit me.

卻沒有一件我能穿的下的演出服。

I was determined not to be excluded from the performance,

我不想因此就退出演出，

so I turned to my mother

所以我轉過身面對我的媽媽，

and loud enough for everyone to hear

用所有人都能聽見的聲音跟她說：

said, "Mom, I don't need a tutu.

「媽媽，我不需要 tutu， （音同 two two 即二二）

I need a fourfour."

我要 fourfour（四四） ！」

(Laughter)

（笑）

Thanks, Mom.

感謝我的媽媽。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And although I didn't recognize it at the time,

儘管我那個時候還沒有意識到，

claiming space for myself in that glorious fourfour

這件超棒的演出服 讓我自己感受到了認可，

was the first step towards becoming a radical fat activist.

它讓我跨出了第一步， 成為徹底的肥胖活躍分子。

Now, I'm not saying that this whole body-love thing

我不是說愛身體這件事情

has been an easy skip along a glittering path of self-acceptance

自芭蕾班開始就是一個 簡單的自我接受的過程。

since that day in class.

Far from it.

還差得遠。

I soon learned that living outside what the mainstream considers normal

很快我就意識到， 生活在主流認知之外，

can be a frustrating and isolating place.

是一件令人沮喪和感到孤立的事情。

I've spent the last 20 years unpacking and deprogramming these messages,

我在過去的二十年

一直在嘗試剖析 並且試圖擺脫這種心態的影響。

and it's been quite the roller coaster.

這種經歷就像坐雲霄飛車一樣，

I've been openly laughed at, abused from passing cars

我曾被公開嘲笑，

曾被駛過身邊的車謾罵，

and been told that I'm delusional.

也曾被說是癡心妄想，

I also receive smiles from strangers

也曾收到過陌生人的微笑，

who recognize what it takes to walk down the street

當他們發現，我在過街的時候，

with a spring in your step and your head held high.

步伐輕快並且昂周挺胸。

(Cheer)

（歡呼）

Thanks.

謝謝。

And through it all, that fierce little six-year-old has stayed with me,

經歷過這一切之後， 那個狂熱的六歲的我一直都在。

and she has helped me stand before you today

也是那時的我， 使我今天能夠站在這裡，

as an unapologetic fat person,

成為一個自信的胖子，

a person that simply refuses to subscribe

成為一個不願同意

to the dominant narrative

社會普遍的說法，

about how I should move through the world in this body of mine.

認為胖限制了自身價值的胖子。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

And I'm not alone.

我並不是孤身奮鬥，

I am part of an international community of people

我是一個國際組織中的一員，

who choose to, rather than passively accepting

組織中的人都不是被動地接受

that our bodies are and probably always will be big,

只能一直這麽胖下去的現實，

we actively choose to flourish in these bodies as they are today.

而是主動地選擇， 帶著這樣的身軀幸福的生活。

People who honor our strength and work with, not against,

這些人能看到自身的 優點並加以利用，

our perceived limitations,

而不是去對抗自身的局限性，

people who value health

這些人能夠

as something much more holistic

更加全面的看待健康，

than a number on an outdated BMI chart.

而不只是盯著過時的 BMI 表。

Instead, we value mental health, self-worth and how we feel in our bodies

相反的，我們更注重 精神健康及自我價值，

也重視自己對身體的認知 如何影響整體的幸福感。

as vital aspects to our overall well-being.

People who refuse to believe that living in these fat bodies

我們不相信，肥胖的身軀，

is a barrier to anything, really.

會是做任何事情的阻礙。

There are doctors, academics and bloggers

有許多醫生，學者和博主

who have written countless volumes

在這個問題的各各方面，

on the many facets of this complex subject.

寫了不計其數的文章。

There are fatshionistas who reclaim their bodies and their beauty

有胖胖的潮人，穿著比基尼，

by wearing fatkinis and crop tops,

秀出自己的身材和美麗，

exposing the flesh that we're all taught to hide.

露出那些被要求要藏起來的贅肉。

There are fat athletes

還有胖胖的運動員，

who run marathons, teach yoga or do kickboxing,

他們跑馬拉松、教瑜伽、打拳擊，

all done with a middle finger firmly held up to the status quo.

他們所做的每件事， 都狠狠地搧了現實一耳光。

And these people have taught me that radical body politics

是他們教會了我， 這種對待身體的態度，

is the antidote to our body-shaming culture.

能夠消除自己對身體產生的羞恥感。

But to be clear, I'm not saying that people shouldn't change their bodies

但我不是說人們 不應該改變自己的體型，

if that's what they want to do.

只要他們想都可以這麽做。

Reclaiming yourself can be one of the most gorgeous acts of self-love

改造自己是表現自愛的最佳方式，

and can look like a million different things,

你可以從各方面改造，

from hairstyles to tattoos to body contouring

從髮型到紋身再到美體，

to hormones to surgery and yes, even weight loss.

去打激素、去做手術、甚至去減肥，

It's simple: it's your body,

這很簡單，因為這是你的身體。

and you decide what's best to do with it.

所以應該由你來決定 怎樣對它才是最好的。

My way of engaging in activism

我作為活動積極分子的方式，

is by doing all the things that we fatties aren't supposed to do,

就是去做一些看起來 我們胖子不應該做的事，

and there's a lot of them,

有很多這樣的事情。

inviting other people to join me and then making art about it.

邀請一些人來加入我的活動， 然後把它做成藝術。

The common thread through most of this work

貫穿這些作品的線索，

has been reclaiming spaces that are often prohibitive to bigger bodies,

就是奪回那些胖子 通常無法進入的領域。

from the catwalk to club shows,

從走伸展臺、到夜店演出、

from public swimming pools to prominent dance stages.

從公共游泳池、到著名的舞臺，

And reclaiming spaces en masse is not only a powerful artistic statement

而一起奪回屬於自己的領域， 不僅僅是一種有力的藝術主張，

but a radical community-building approach.

同時也是一種徹底構建群體的方式。

This was so true of "AQUAPORKO!" --

這一點在紀錄片“AQUAPORKO!” 上體現的淋漓盡致。

(Laughter)

（笑）

the fat fem synchronized swim team

她們是由胖子組成的 女子水上芭蕾舞團，

I started with a group of friends in Sydney.

我在雪梨跟一群朋友開始這個團隊，

The impact of seeing a bunch of defiant fat women

見到這麼一群大膽的肥女人

in flowery swimming caps and bathers

帶著花哨的泳帽，

throwing their legs in the air without a care

自由向空中踢腿，

should not be underestimated.

我認為她們帶來的影響不能被低估。

(Laughter)

（笑）

Throughout my career, I have learned that fat bodies are inherently political,

在我追求事業的過程中，

我漸漸發現「胖」 本質上來說就像政治。

and unapologetic fat bodies

作為一個理直氣壯的胖子，

can blow people's minds.

會對人們的思維產生衝擊。

When director Kate Champion,

當廣受贊譽的 Force Majeure 舞團管理者

of acclaimed dance theater company Force Majeure,

Kate Champion 找到我的時候，

asked me to be the artistic associate

她詢問我是否想一起做藝術工作，

on a work featuring all fat dancers,

讓「胖」作為舞者的特色，

I literally jumped at the opportunity.

我毫不猶豫的就加入了，

And I mean literally.

幾乎沒有思考。

"Nothing to Lose" is a work made in collaboration with performers of size

《一無所有 》是與 一群大尺寸藝術家合作的作品，

who drew from their lived experiences

他們從自身生活中汲取經驗，

to create a work as varied and authentic as we all are.

創作真實而又多樣的作品。

And it was as far from ballet as you could imagine.

這和大眾想像中的芭蕾相去甚遠。

The very idea of a fat dance work by such a prestigious company

胖人舞蹈這個想法最初 由這個有聲望的公司提出來的時候，

was, to put it mildly, controversial,

是飽受爭議的。

because nothing like it had ever been done on mainstream dance stages before

因為在全世界都從未有人 在主流的舞臺上，

anywhere in the world.

做過類似的事情。

People were skeptical.

人們對此持懷疑態度。

"What do you mean, 'fat dancers?'

「妳說什麽？胖子跳舞麼？

Like, size 10, size 12 kind of fat?

是那種 10 碼、12 碼的胖麼，

Where did they do their dance training?

他們在哪學習舞蹈？

Are they going to have the stamina for a full-length production?"

他們有耐力能堅持下來 一套完整的舞蹈麼？」

But despite the skepticism,

僅管有這些懷疑者，

"Nothing to Lose" became a sellout hit of Sydney Festival.

《一無所有 》還是成為 雪梨藝術節上賣座的演出，

We received rave reviews, toured,

我們引發了熱烈的討論，進行巡演，

won awards and were written about in over 27 languages.

不斷獲獎，還被 27 種語言報導過，

These incredible images of our cast were seen worldwide.

這些演員的圖片 在世界各地隨處可見。

I've lost count of how many times people of all sizes

不記得曾經有多少人和我說過，

have told me that the show has changed their lives,

這個表演改變了他們的生活，

how it helped them shift their relationship

幫助他們轉變了

to their own and other people's bodies,

對待自己和他人的身體的態度，

and how it made them confront their own bias.

使他們改變了自身的偏見。

But of course, work that pushes people's buttons

當然，這個作品既然觸動了人心，

is not without its detractors.

就也一定會有批評者。

I have been told that I'm glorifying obesity.

我曾被告知我是在美化肥胖，

I have received violent death threats

我也收到過暴力的死亡威脅，

and abuse for daring to make work that centers fat people's bodies and lives

以及因為勇於去擺正 胖子的地位而收到的謾罵，

and treats us as worthwhile human beings with valuable stories to tell.

而我只不過是想讓人們意識到， 胖子也是有價值的一群人。

I've even been called

我曾經還被稱為，

"the ISIS of the obesity epidemic" --

是讓肥胖流行的 ISIS（恐怖主義）。

(Laughter)

（笑）

a comment so absurd that it is funny.

這個評論荒唐又可笑，

But it also speaks to the panic,

但這也恰恰說明了，

the literal terror,

對肥胖的害怕，

that the fear of fat can evoke.

能夠引發多大的恐慌。

It is this fear that's feeding the diet industry,

正是這種恐懼 促進了減肥產業的發展，

which is keeping so many of us from making peace with our own bodies,

它讓我們不再遵循自身的節奏，

for waiting to be the after-photo

我們不再去主動開始自己的生活，

before we truly start to live our lives.

而是不斷等待「減肥後」的自己。

Because the real elephant in the room here is fatphobia.

真正讓我們生活變糟的 是肥胖恐懼症。

Fat activism refuses to indulge this fear.

積極主義的胖子 就是能夠不陷入這種恐懼，

By advocating for self-determination and respect for all of us,

而是去宣揚自我自主 和對所有人的尊重。

we can shift society's reluctance to embrace diversity

我們可以改變社會 不願接受人的多樣化這件事，

and start to celebrate the myriad ways there are to have a body.

然後開始去頌讚不同的身材。

Thank you.

謝謝大家。

(Applause)

（掌聲）