What to do when everything feels broken | Daniel Alexander Jones

譯者: Xinyi YU 審譯者: Claire Hsu

"I've got people in me."

「我內在住著很多人。」

So sang the late Abbey Lincoln.

已逝的艾比·林肯曾這樣唱道。

I take that lyric as mantra.

我將這句歌詞當成真言般不斷重複。

"I've got people in me."

「我內在住著很多人。」

Jomama Jones is the person in me I turn to as a guide.

喬瑪瑪·瓊斯是住在我內在的嚮導。

She's my alter ego.

她是另一個我。

I've been embodying her in performance since 1995,

我從 1995 年開始就在表演中 扮演我內在的這個人，

and she comes around when she has some insight to offer folks.

當她想和大家分享見解時， 她就會浮現。

At this time of radical change,

此刻，鉅變正在發生，

I'm glad to be the vessel for her message to you.

我很榮幸能成為媒介， 將她的訊息傳達給你。

Jomama Jones: What if I told you

喬瑪瑪·瓊斯：如果我告訴你，

it's going to be alright ...

一切都會好起來的……

but what if I told you not yet?

但如果我告訴你，時候還沒到呢？

What if I told you there are trials ahead

如果我告訴你，路途前方有重重考驗，

beyond your deepest fears?

超越你內心最深的恐懼呢？

What if I told you will you fall ...

如果我告訴你，你會失敗得

down, down, down?

很慘、很慘、很慘呢？

But what if I told you you will surprise yourself?

但是，如果我告訴你， 你的能力超乎自己的想像呢？

What if I told you will be brave enough?

如果我告訴你會變得夠勇敢呢？

What if I told you

如果我告訴你，

we won't all make it through?

並不是每個人都能撐過去呢？

But what if I told you

那如果我告訴你，

that is as it must be?

世事必定如此呢？

What if I told you I've seen the future?

如果我告訴你，我預見了未來呢？

Do you like my hands?

你喜歡這雙手嗎？

They're expressive, yeah?

它們很有表達力，對吧？

Now look at your hands -- now go on.

現在看看你自己的雙手──看看它們。

There's so much history recorded through their touches

透過觸覺記錄了這麼多的歷史，

and marks of the future sketched on their palms.

而未來已描繪在手掌上。

Sometimes hands grip tight,

有時雙手握得很緊，

sometimes hands let go.

有時雙手放開。

What if I told you

如果我告訴你，

it's all going to come undone?

這一切都會崩塌呢？

Hm.

哼嗯。

Ladies and gentlemen

先生、女士們，

and otherwise described,

還有不是先生也不是女士的人，

I am Jomama Jones.

我是喬瑪瑪·瓊斯。

Some call me a soul sonic superstar,

有人稱呼我為靈魂的音速超級巨星，

and I agree,

而我也同意，

though even in my past that was from the future.

儘管在我的過去， 那也是來自於未來的事。

Let me take you back to girlhood.

讓我帶你回到我的少女時代。

Picture this:

想像一下：

it was Planting Day,

在「植樹節」那天──

which was a holiday I invented

那是我為我創立的黑人青年 社群團體所發明的節日。

for the Black youth community group I founded.

I dashed home to put on my gardening ensemble

在我衝回家穿上園藝裝備時，

when I caught my uncle Freeman red-handed.

費里曼叔叔被我逮了個正著。

He was standing over my piggy bank with his hammer raised high.

他站在我的小豬撲滿前， 手中的錘子高高舉起。

He was fixing to steal my coins.

他正準備偷我的錢。

And you see,

你要了解，

my uncle Freeman was a handyman.

我的費里曼叔叔是修理工。

He could fix anything --

他可以修好任何東西

a broken chair, a shattered pot --

──壞掉的椅子、破掉的鍋子──

even bring grandmother's plants back to life.

甚至可以讓奶奶的盆栽起死回生。

He had that magic touch with broken things ...

他的手像是有魔法般， 可以修好壞掉的東西……

and broken people.

也可以治好心碎的人。

He would take me with him on his jobs

他會帶著我跟著他一起工作，

and say, "C'mon Jo,

對我說：「小喬，快來！

let's go do something to make this world a better place."

我們來做些什麼， 讓這個世界變得更美好吧。」

His hands were wide and calloused,

他的雙手寬大而長滿老繭，

and they always reminded me of displaced tree roots.

總是讓我想起失去土壤的樹根。

As we worked he would talk with folks

我們工作時，他會和人們談論

about the change he was sure was just around the corner.

他確信即將會到來的變化。

I saw him mend flagging hopes

我看過他修補失落的希望，

and leave folks with their heads held high.

讓人們能夠抬頭挺胸。

His hands stirred the sunshine.

他的雙手可以撥動陽光。

And now he was about to break my piggy bank.

但現在，他就要敲碎我的撲滿。

I said "Step back, man, and show me your hands."

我說：「喂，退後， 給我看看你的手。」

You know the irony was

最諷刺的是，

he used to give me all the old coins he'd find under floorboards while working.

他以前會把工作時從木地板底下 撿到的零錢全都給我。

And I put them in the piggy bank

我全都投進我的撲滿，

along with the money I earned through my childhood side hustles.

連同我在童年打零工掙來的錢一起。

But by the spring of 1970,

但是到了 1970 年的春天，

Uncle Freeman had lost his touch ...

費里曼叔叔的能力大不如前……

along with most of his jobs.

也失去大部分的工作。

He saw a heavy future

他從掌紋上看到了沉重的未來，

of civil wrongs and Black power outages in his palms.

國內充斥不公不義， 黑人族群失去權益。

The last straw had come the previous winter

壓倒他的最後一根稻草 是在前一年的冬天，

when they had gunned down Fred Hampton.

黑人政黨領導人 弗雷德·漢普頓遭到槍殺。

Overwhelmed with fear

淹沒在恐懼、

and rage

怒氣、

and grief,

還有悲傷之中，

Uncle Freeman tried to game his future.

費里曼叔叔開始拿未來做賭注。

He gripped too tight,

他拼命地想抓住未來，

and he started playing the numbers.

他開始簽賭。

"Well, one of these numbers is gonna hit, little girl.

「好吧，小妹妹， 這裡面肯定有一個數字會中。

You got a quarter for your uncle Free -- "

你有 25 分錢可以給費里曼叔──」

你們當中總有人有這樣的親戚吧？

Now some of y'all have that relative.

But I knew right then and there I had to do something.

但是在那當下，我知道我該做些什麼。

I jumped up and I grabbed that hammer

我跳起來抓住那把錘子，

and I brought it crashing down on that pig.

然後拿它砸破我的小豬撲滿。

And Uncle Freeman started to weep as I gathered up all the coins.

當我把散落的硬幣收集起來時， 費里曼叔叔開始流淚。

"We're not buying no lottery ticket, Uncle Freeman.

「費里曼叔叔，我們不要買樂透了，

C'mon."

不要了！」

We spent every last cent at the seed store.

我們把每一分錢都用去店裡買種子了。

You know, the kids in my gardening group?

你知道嗎？那些跟我一起 玩園藝的孩子，

They didn't bat an eye when I had Uncle Freeman get down

在我讓費里曼叔叔蹲下時， 他們眼睛都不眨一下。

and put his hands in the earth again

我讓他重新把雙手伸入土壤中，

and start breaking up that soil for our seeds.

然後把土挖開、埋下我們的種子。

And my little friend Taesha even came over and started slapping him on the back

我的朋友泰伊莎還走過來， 然後用力拍他的背，

saying, "Cry it out, Uncle Freeman.

並說：「費里曼叔叔，哭出來吧！

Cry it out."

好好哭一哭吧！」

"I can't fix this," he sobbed.

「我修不好了。」他啜泣道。

It's an ancient-future truism, that.

那是古今皆然的老生常談。

He wasn't the first to feel that way, and he wouldn't be the last.

他不會是第一個有這種感覺的人， 也不會是最後一個。

Right now, it feels as though everything is breaking beyond repair.

現在，一切好像都支離破碎， 永遠都修不好了。

It is.

確實如此。

But that breaking apart can be a breaking open,

但是在崩潰的時候， 也可以是突破的轉機。

no matter how violent and uncertain

儘管看起來有多麼地 劇烈、不確定與駭人。

and fearsome it seems.

The thing is ...

重要的是……

we can't do it alone.

我們不能獨自面對。

Uncle Freeman cried so much that day as we planted our seeds,

在我們種下種子的那天， 費里曼叔叔哭了好久，

he was our very own irrigation system.

他哭出來的淚水 都可以替我們灌溉植物了。

"I don't know who I am anymore, little girl,"

「小妹妹，我不曉得自己是誰了。」

he said to me at sundown.

夕陽西下時，他這樣對我說道。

"Good, Uncle Freeman.

「費里曼叔叔，這樣很好。

Good.

這樣很好。

You're new again,

你又重獲新生了，

and that's just how we need you."

我們需要的就是這樣的你。」