Why you should make useless things | Simone Giertz

翻译人员: Qiuyue Zhang 校对人员: Leonard Au

Hello.

大家好。

My name is Simone.

我是Simone。

You know how people tell you if you get nervous when onstage,

人们总是告诉你 当你在舞台上感到紧张的时候，

picture people in the audience naked?

假想观众都没穿衣服就好了。

Like it's this thing that's supposed to make you feel better.

说的就像这真能让你感觉好点一样。

But I was thinking --

但是我一直在想——

picturing all of you naked in 2018 feels kind of weird and wrong.

在2018年想象你们都没穿衣服 实在有点不太对啊。

Like, we're working really hard on moving past stuff like that,

我们都有在努力克服这样的问题，

so we need a new method of dealing with

所以我们需要一种新方法，

if you get nervous onstage.

来应付舞台恐惧症。

And I realized that what I'd really like

我意识到，我真正想要的是

is that I can look at you as much as you're looking at me --

我能跟你们看着我一样看着你们，

just to even things out a little bit.

只是为了公平一点。

So if I had way more eyeballs,

所以如果我有更多眼睛的话，

then we'd all be really comfortable, right?

那我们就都会很舒服，对吧？

So in preparation for this talk, I made myself a shirt.

所以为了准备这次演讲 我给自己做了件T恤。

(Rattling)

（窸窸窣窣的声音）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

It's googly eyes.

这就是大眼睛T恤。

It took me 14 hours

花了我14个小时，

and 227 googly eyes to make this shirt.

以及227个大眼睛贴片。

And being able to look at you as much as you're looking at me

能够像你们看着我一样 看着你们这件事，

is actually only half of the reason I made this.

其实只是我制作 这件T恤的部分原因。

The other half is being able to do this.

另一半原因是我可以这么玩儿。

(Googly eyes rattle)

（大眼睛T恤的响声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

So I do a lot of things like this.

我做过很多这样的事。

I see a problem and I invent some sort of solution to it.

我发现了一个问题， 就会发明某个解决方法来应对它。

For example, brushing your teeth.

比如刷牙这件事：

Like, it's this thing we all have to do, it's kind of boring,

这就是一件大家都得做， 但是又有点无聊的事，

and nobody really likes it.

而且没人真正喜欢刷牙。

If there were any seven-year-olds in the audience,

如果在座有7岁小朋友的话，

they'd be like, "Yes!"

他们肯定会大喊“就是这样！”

So what about if you had a machine that could do it for you?

那么要不要来一台 自动帮你刷牙的机器呢？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I call it ...

我给它取了名，

I call it "The Toothbrush Helmet."

叫做“牙刷头盔”。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Robot arm buzzing)

（机器人的手臂声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

So my toothbrush helmet is recommended by zero out of 10 dentists,

10位牙医中，有0位 推荐了我的牙刷头盔，

and it definitely did not revolutionize the world of dentistry,

它也肯定不算颠覆 牙医界的伟大发明，

but it did completely change my life.

但它确实改变了我的生活。

Because I finished making this toothbrush helmet three years ago

因为3年前我做出了这个头盔，

and after I finished making it,

完成制作之后，

我在客厅架起了摄像机，

I went into my living room and I put up a camera,

and I filmed a seven-second clip of it working.

录了一个7秒长的头盔操作视频。

And by now,

现在，

this is a pretty standard modern-day fairy tale

这成了一个标准的现代版童话：

of girl posting on the internet,

一个女孩在网上发帖，

the internet takes the girl by storm,

跟上了互联网浪潮，

thousands of men voyage into the comment sections

数以千计的男人们涌进评论区，

to ask for her hand in marriage --

邀请她进入婚姻殿堂——

(Laughter)

（笑声）

She ignores all of them, starts a YouTube channel

而她无视了他们所有人， 创立了一个YouTube频道，

and keeps on building robots.

继续搭建机器人。

Since then, I've carved out this little niche for myself on the internet

从那时起我在互联网上为自己 发掘出了这么一个商机：

as an inventor of useless machines,

无用机器发明者。

because as we all know,

因为大家都知道，

the easiest way to be at the top of your field

成为你所在行业顶尖人物的 最简单方法，

is to choose a very small field.

就是选择一个非常小的行业。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（鼓掌）

So I run a YouTube channel about my machines,

所以我在运营一个 关于我的机器的YouTube频道，

and I've done things like cutting hair with drones --

我有试过用无人机剪头发——

(Drone buzzes)

（无人机噪声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Drone crashes)

（无人机坠毁）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Drone buzzes)

（无人机噪声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

To a machine that helps me wake up in the morning --

我还做过一台闹钟机器——

(Alarm)

（闹铃声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Video) Simone: Ow!

（视频）Simone：噢！

To this machine that helps me chop vegetables.

还有这台帮我切菜的机器。

(Knives chop)

（切菜声）

I'm not an engineer.

我不是个工程师，

I did not study engineering in school.

我没学过工程学，

But I was a super ambitious student growing up.

但我从小就是个 特别有远大志向的学生。

In middle school and high school, I had straight A's,

无论初中高中我一路拿的都是A，

and I graduated at the top of my year.

而且我毕业那年还是名列前茅的。

On the flip side of that,

但另一面是，

I struggled with very severe performance anxiety.

我当时有非常严重的表现焦虑。

Here's an email I sent to my brother around that time.

这是一封当时我写给我兄弟的邮件。

"You won't understand how difficult it is for me to tell you,

“你不会明白， 光是告诉你这件事，

to confess this.

对我来说有多难。

I'm so freaking embarrassed.

实在是太难堪了。

I don't want people to think that I'm stupid.

我不希望人们觉得我是个傻子。

Now I'm starting to cry too.

我现在居然还开始哭了。

Damn."

真讨厌。”

And no, I did not accidentally burn our parents' house down.

别误会，我可没有不小心 把爸妈的房子烧了。

The thing I'm writing about in the email and the thing I'm so upset about

信里面那件让我 如此焦虑不安的事其实是，

is that I got a B on a math test.

有一次数学测验我只拿了B。

So something obviously happened between here and here.

所以这两种情况之间 一定发生了什么事情。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

One of those things was puberty.

其中一件是青春期的到来。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Beautiful time indeed.

非常美丽的时期。

But moreover,

但除此之外，

I got interested in building robots,

我开始对搭建机器人感兴趣，

and I wanted to teach myself about hardware.

我还想自学硬件知识。

But building things with hardware, especially if you're teaching yourself,

但搭建需要硬件的东西， 尤其是当你是在自学的时候，

is something that's really difficult to do.

是一件非常困难的事情。

It has a high likelihood of failure

失败几率非常高，

and moreover,

并且，

it has a high likelihood of making you feel stupid.

这很有可能让你 觉得自己超级智障。

And that was my biggest fear at the time.

而那就是我当时最大的恐惧。

So I came up with a setup that would guarantee success 100 percent of the time.

所以我做了一个一定能 保证100%成功率的设定。

With my setup, it would be nearly impossible to fail.

根据我的设定， 失败可能性几乎为零。

And that was that instead of trying to succeed,

我打算再试着获得成功，

I was going to try to build things that would fail.

我要制作一个肯定失败的机器。

And even though I didn't realize it at the time,

尽管我当时并没有意识到，

building stupid things was actually quite smart,

但实际上，制作一无是处东西 其实还是个挺聪明的点子。

because as I kept on learning about hardware,

因为当我对硬件的学习 更加深入的时候，

for the first time in my life,

我人生中第一次，

I did not have to deal with my performance anxiety.

不用应对自我表现方面的焦虑。

And as soon as I removed all pressure and expectations from myself,

并且当我卸除了所有 对自己的压力与期待后，

that pressure quickly got replaced by enthusiasm,

压力很快就被热情取代，

and it allowed me to just play.

我就可以只是瞎玩了。

So as an inventor,

所以，作为一个发明者，

I'm interested in things that people struggle with.

我对人们很难做到的事情很感兴趣。

It can be small things or big things or medium-sized things

可以是小事，大事， 或者二者之间的事。

and something like giving a TED talk presents this whole new set of problems

而做一场TED演讲， 带来了一系列我能解决的

that I can solve.

全新问题。

And identifying a problem is the first step in my process

而发现问题则是搭建

of building a useless machine.

一个无用机器的第一步。

So before I came here,

在我来这里之前，

I sat down and I thought of some of the potential problems I might have

我坐下来好好思考了一番演讲时

in giving this talk.

可能遇到的问题：

Forgetting what to say.

忘词，

That people won't laugh --

没人笑——

that's you.

说的就是你哦。

Or even worse,

或者更糟的是，

that you'll laugh at the wrong things --

你们笑错地方了，

that was an OK part to laugh at,

这里你们其实是可以笑的，

thank you.

谢谢。

（笑声）

(Laughter)

或者我一紧张就会手抖，

Or that when I get nervous, my hands start shaking

and I'm really self-conscious about it.

我还非常清楚这一点。

Or that my fly has been open this entire time

或者我的裤子拉链一直都没拉上，

and all of you noticed but I didn't,

所有人都注意到了，就我没有。

but it's closed so we're all good on that one.

但它是拉好的，所以没事了。

But one thing I'm actually really nervous about is my hands shaking.

我最担心的就是手抖这个问题了。

I remember when I was a kid,

我还记得我小时候

giving presentations in school,

在学校做演讲时，

I would have my notes on a piece of paper,

我会在一张纸上准备讲稿，

and I would put a notebook behind the paper

并将纸贴到一个笔记本上，

so that people wouldn't be able to see the paper quivering.

这样人们就看不出纸在颤抖了。

And I give a lot of talks.

我做过很多演讲。

I know that about half of you in the audience are probably like,

我知道你们中有一半听众 都可能这么想：

"Building useless machines is really fun,

“制作无用机器确实挺好玩，

but how is this in any way or form a business?"

但这怎么可能是商机呢？”

And giving talks is a part of it.

演讲就是其中的一部分，

And the arrangers always put out a glass of water for you onstage

组织者一定会在讲台上 给你放杯水，

so you have something to drink if you get thirsty,

这样你渴的时候就有水喝了。

and I always so badly want to drink that water,

我每次都超级想喝那杯水，

but I don't dare to pick the glass up

但我没有勇气拿起杯子，

because then people might be able to see that my hands are shaking.

因为人们可能就看出我的手在抖。

So what about a machine that hands you a glass of water?

那么要不要来一台 递给你一杯水的机器呢？

Sold to the nervous girl in the googly-eye shirt.

就卖给穿大眼睛T恤的 那位紧张女孩！

Actually, I need to take this off because I have a thing --

实际上我得把这T恤脱了， 因为我有个玩意儿要展示——

(Googly eyes rattle)

（大眼睛们窸窸窣窣）

Oh.

噢

(Clanking)

（叮当声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

I still don't know what to call this,

我还是不知道给它起什么名字。

but I think some sort of "head orbit device,"

就叫“头部环绕仪”之类的吧。

because it rotates this platform around you

因为这个平台会绕着你的头旋转，

and you can put anything on it.

你想放什么东西上去都可以。

You can have a camera; you can get photos of your entire head.

比如放一台摄像机， 你就可以拍到你整个头部的照片。

Like it's really -- it's a very versatile machine.

这是一台非常多功能的机器。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

OK, and I have --

好了。

比如你们还可以把零食放上去啊，

I mean, you can put some snacks on it, for example,

if you want to.

如果你想的话。

I have some popcorn here.

我这有些爆米花。

And you just put a little bit like that.

你就这么放一点上去。

And then you want to --

如果你想——

there's some sacrifices for science --

这有一些科学的牺牲品——

just some popcorn falling on the floor.

一些爆米花掉地上了。

Let's do the long way around.

我们来绕个大圈吧。

(Robot buzzes)

（机器声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

And then you have a little hand.

这儿有只小手。

You need to adjust the height of it,

你得把高度调整一下，

and you just do it by shrugging.

耸耸肩就可以。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

It has a little hand.

这就是小手。

(Hand thwacks)

（手掌拍打声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

I just bumped my mic off,

我把麦克风拍掉了，

but I think we're all good.

但应该没事儿。

OK, also I need to chew this popcorn,

好的， 我先把爆米花咽下去，

so if you guys could just clap your hands a little bit more --

所以你们再鼓一会掌好了。

(Applause)

（掌声）

OK, so it's like your own little personal solar system,

这就像个私人迷你太阳系，

because I'm a millennial,

因为我是千禧一代，

so I want everything to revolve around me.

所以我希望所有东西都围着我转。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Back to the glass of water, that's what we're here for.

回到那杯水的问题， 那是我们来到这里的原因。

So, I promise -- I mean, it still has --

我保证，它里头还有——

it doesn't have any water in it,

这杯子里面没有水，

I'm sorry.

抱歉。

But I still need to work on this machine a little bit

但我还得调整一下这个机器，

because I still need to pick up the glass and put it on the platform,

因为我还是得 拿起杯子放到平台上，

but if your hands are shaking a little bit,

但如果你的手在抖，

nobody's going to notice

没有人能注意到了，

because you're wearing a very mesmerizing piece of equipment.

因为你身上正穿着一台 很迷人的机器呢。

So, we're all good.

目前为止一切正常。

OK.

很好。

(Robot buzzes)

（机器声）

(Singing)

（歌声）

Oh no, it got stuck.

哦不，它卡住了。

Isn't it comforting that even robots sometimes get stage fright?

连机器都会犯舞台恐惧症， 是不是很让人放松啊？

It just gets stuck a little bit.

它只是有一点点卡住 。

It's very human of them.

非常人性化哦。

Oh wait, let's go back a little bit,

等一下，我们倒回去一点。

and then --

然后——

(Glass falls)

（玻璃杯触地声）

(Laughter)

（笑声）

Isn't it a beautiful time to be alive?

活在这个时代真好，是吧？

(Laughter)

（笑声）

(Applause)

（掌声）

So as much as my machines can seem like simple engineering slapstick,

我的机器看起来 像是在用工程学做简单的恶搞，

I realize that I stumbled on something bigger than that.

但我意识到我触及到了 一些比这更重要的事。

It's this expression of joy and humility that often gets lost in engineering,

制造机器时往往无法 表现得开心或谦逊。

and for me it was a way to learn about hardware

对我而言，用这种方式学硬件，

without having my performance anxiety get in the way.

是不会受到表现焦虑症干扰的。

I often get asked if I think I'm ever going to build something useful,

经常有人问我，我以后会不会 制作一些有用的东西？

and maybe someday I will.

可能有一天我会。

But the way I see it,

但我觉得，

I already have

我早已做到了。

because I've built myself this job

这份工作是我为自己创造出的。

and it's something that I could never have planned for,

这是我无法计划出来的。

or that I could --

或者——

(Applause)

（掌声）

It's something that I could never have planned for.

这是我永远也无法计划出的。

Instead it happened just because I was enthusiastic about what I was doing,

相反，这一切的发生 只是因为我对这个工作充满热情，

并且我在与他人分享我的热情。

and I was sharing that enthusiasm with other people.

To me that's the true beauty of making useless things,

对于我，那就是制作 无用机器最美的部分。

because it's this acknowledgment

因为你已经承认，

that you don't always know what the best answer is.

你不一定知道最好的答案是什么。

And it turns off that voice in your head

它让你不再盲目认为 自己已经完全了解世界怎么运作。

that tells you that you know exactly how the world works.

And maybe a toothbrush helmet isn't the answer,

可能一台牙刷头盔并不是标准答案，

but at least you're asking the question.

但至少你提出了问题。

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）