Why you should make useless things | Simone Giertz

譯者: Yanyan Hong 審譯者: Helen Chang

Hello.

大家好。

My name is Simone.

我是西蒙。

You know how people tell you if you get nervous when onstage,

你知道大家常說 如果你在臺上感到緊張，

picture people in the audience naked?

就想像臺下的觀眾都沒穿衣服？

Like it's this thing that's supposed to make you feel better.

好像這麼做會讓你感覺好點一樣。

But I was thinking --

但是我在想——

picturing all of you naked in 2018 feels kind of weird and wrong.

在 2018 年還想像你們沒穿衣服 感覺實在有點奇怪和不對勁。

Like, we're working really hard on moving past stuff like that,

我們如此盡力地擺脫過去，

so we need a new method of dealing with

對此我們需要有個新方法

if you get nervous onstage.

克服上臺的緊張。

And I realized that what I'd really like

我意識我很喜歡的一點是

is that I can look at you as much as you're looking at me --

當你們看著我的時候， 我也同樣能盯著你們——

just to even things out a little bit.

這樣才公平吧。

So if I had way more eyeballs,

我就想如果我有更多的眼睛，

then we'd all be really comfortable, right?

那麽我們彼此凝望的時候 會更自在，不是嗎？

So in preparation for this talk, I made myself a shirt.

所以為了這個演講， 我給自己做了件衣服。

(Rattling)

（找衣服聲）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

It's googly eyes.

上面是鼓鼓的小眼睛。

It took me 14 hours

我花了14個小時，

and 227 googly eyes to make this shirt.

用了227個鼓鼓小眼睛 來完成這件衣服。

And being able to look at you as much as you're looking at me

為了可以用它來盯著你們所有人， 像你們現在看著我一樣，

is actually only half of the reason I made this.

只是創造這件衣服的一半原因。

The other half is being able to do this.

另一半原因是為了可以這樣做。

(Googly eyes rattle)

（眼球搖動聲）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So I do a lot of things like this.

所以我做了很多這樣的東西。

I see a problem and I invent some sort of solution to it.

我發現一個問題， 然後我就發明解決它的東西。

For example, brushing your teeth.

比如說，刷牙。

Like, it's this thing we all have to do, it's kind of boring,

這是我們都要做的事， 確實有點無聊，

and nobody really likes it.

沒人喜歡。

If there were any seven-year-olds in the audience,

如果觀衆席裏有 7 歲小孩，

they'd be like, "Yes!"

他們肯定會說：｢沒錯！｣

So what about if you had a machine that could do it for you?

所以如果你有個 可以幫你刷牙的機器呢？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I call it ...

我把它叫做…

I call it "The Toothbrush Helmet."

我叫它｢自助刷牙頭盔｣。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Robot arm buzzing)

（機器手臂聲）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

So my toothbrush helmet is recommended by zero out of 10 dentists,

所以，10 個牙醫裡有 0 位 推薦了我的自助刷牙頭盔，

and it definitely did not revolutionize the world of dentistry,

當然它沒能帶來牙科界的革命，

but it did completely change my life.

但它確實徹底改變了我的生活。

Because I finished making this toothbrush helmet three years ago

因為三年前我創造了 這個自助刷牙頭盔，

and after I finished making it,

在我完成它以後，

I went into my living room and I put up a camera,

我走進了客廳，放了一臺攝影機，

and I filmed a seven-second clip of it working.

我拍攝了它運作的 7 秒短片。

And by now,

到現在，

this is a pretty standard modern-day fairy tale

這就像標準的現代童話故事，

of girl posting on the internet,

一個女孩在網上發佈影片，

the internet takes the girl by storm,

網路如暴風雨般席捲了這個女孩，

thousands of men voyage into the comment sections

成千上萬的人湧入了評論區

to ask for her hand in marriage --

向這個女孩求婚——

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

She ignores all of them, starts a YouTube channel

她無視了這一切， 開始了一個 YouTube 頻道，

and keeps on building robots.

繼續創造她的機器人。

Since then, I've carved out this little niche for myself on the internet

從那以後，我就在網路上 為自己設計了這個小世界，

as an inventor of useless machines,

當一個發明無用之物的發明家，

because as we all know,

因為正如我們所知，

the easiest way to be at the top of your field

在你所處的領域登峰造極， 最簡單的方式

is to choose a very small field.

就是選擇一個小領域。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

So I run a YouTube channel about my machines,

所以我開始了一個 YouTube 頻道 發佈我發明的小機器，

and I've done things like cutting hair with drones --

我做過的事包含用無人機剪髮——

(Drone buzzes)

（無人機聲音）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Drone crashes)

（無人機撞翻）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Drone buzzes)

（無人機聲音）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

To a machine that helps me wake up in the morning --

還有發明了一個 早上叫我起床的機器——

(Alarm)

（鬧鈴）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Video) Simone: Ow!

（影片）西蒙：哦嗚！

To this machine that helps me chop vegetables.

還有這個能幫我切蔬菜的機器。

(Knives chop)

（切菜聲）

I'm not an engineer.

我不是工程師，

I did not study engineering in school.

我沒在學校學習過工程，

But I was a super ambitious student growing up.

但我是個很上進的學生，

In middle school and high school, I had straight A's,

中學的時候，我的成績一直都拿甲，

and I graduated at the top of my year.

我以全校前幾名畢業。

On the flip side of that,

在另一方面，

I struggled with very severe performance anxiety.

我一直有嚴重的表演焦慮症，

Here's an email I sent to my brother around that time.

這是一封我當時發給我哥的郵件，

"You won't understand how difficult it is for me to tell you,

｢你不會懂對我來說， 告訴你這個有多困難，

to confess this.

去承認，

I'm so freaking embarrassed.

我太羞愧了，

I don't want people to think that I'm stupid.

我不想讓人覺得我很蠢，

Now I'm starting to cry too.

現在我開始哭了，

Damn."

可惡。｣

And no, I did not accidentally burn our parents' house down.

當然，我並沒有意外 把我爸媽家燒了，

The thing I'm writing about in the email and the thing I'm so upset about

我在郵件裡寫的事， 我如此難過的事，

is that I got a B on a math test.

是因為我在數學考試中拿了乙。

So something obviously happened between here and here.

在這兩個時間點之間 一定有什麽事發生在我身上了。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

One of those things was puberty.

青春期也是其中之一。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Beautiful time indeed.

的確，美妙的時光。

But moreover,

但是，此外，

I got interested in building robots,

我對創造機器發明感興趣了，

and I wanted to teach myself about hardware.

我想要自學硬體設備，

But building things with hardware, especially if you're teaching yourself,

利用硬體去製作東西， 特別是還是自學，

is something that's really difficult to do.

這真的非常困難。

It has a high likelihood of failure

失敗的可能性很大，

and moreover,

另外，

it has a high likelihood of making you feel stupid.

也很可能讓你顯得很蠢，

And that was my biggest fear at the time.

這就是我那時最大的恐懼，

So I came up with a setup that would guarantee success 100 percent of the time.

所以我想出了 能夠 100% 成功的方案，

With my setup, it would be nearly impossible to fail.

因此我幾乎不可能會失敗，

And that was that instead of trying to succeed,

這個方案便是 我不再嘗試成功，

I was going to try to build things that would fail.

我嘗試去創造一定會失敗的東西。

And even though I didn't realize it at the time,

即使在那時我還不明白，

building stupid things was actually quite smart,

創造愚蠢的東西，其實很聰明，

because as I kept on learning about hardware,

因為我一直在學習硬體，

for the first time in my life,

這是我人生第一次，

I did not have to deal with my performance anxiety.

我沒有感到表演焦慮，

And as soon as I removed all pressure and expectations from myself,

一旦我讓自己不再有壓力和期望，

that pressure quickly got replaced by enthusiasm,

壓力一下轉換成了動力，

and it allowed me to just play.

它讓我能夠去盡情體驗。

So as an inventor,

身為發明家，

I'm interested in things that people struggle with.

我對人們所困惑的事情感興趣，

It can be small things or big things or medium-sized things

這寫事情可以是小事或大事， 亦或是不大不小的事情。

and something like giving a TED talk presents this whole new set of problems

和像做 TED 演講一樣的事情 讓我提出一系列小問題，

that I can solve.

並可以得到解決。

And identifying a problem is the first step in my process

發現問題是我創造無用的機器，

of building a useless machine.

前進的第一步。

So before I came here,

在我來這裏之前，

I sat down and I thought of some of the potential problems I might have

我坐下來想了一些 我可能會碰到的問題

in giving this talk.

在我做這個演講中。

Forgetting what to say.

忘詞。

That people won't laugh --

觀衆不笑——

that's you.

説的就是你。

Or even worse,

或者更糟，

that you'll laugh at the wrong things --

你在不應該笑的時候笑，

that was an OK part to laugh at,

現在這部分還是可以笑的，

thank you.

謝謝你們。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Or that when I get nervous, my hands start shaking

或者當我緊張的時候， 我的手會開始抖

and I'm really self-conscious about it.

我對這感覺很不安。

Or that my fly has been open this entire time

或者我褲拉鏈一直忘記拉上了

and all of you noticed but I didn't,

我沒發現，但是你們都發現了。

but it's closed so we're all good on that one.

但是現在是拉上的， 所以對於這個沒什麽擔憂。

But one thing I'm actually really nervous about is my hands shaking.

但是其中關於手抖 我真的非常不安，

I remember when I was a kid,

我記得我還是孩子時，

giving presentations in school,

在學校裏演講，

I would have my notes on a piece of paper,

我會把筆記寫在一張紙上，

and I would put a notebook behind the paper

然後我會把筆記本墊在後面，

so that people wouldn't be able to see the paper quivering.

這樣人們就不會 發現紙一直在抖動。

And I give a lot of talks.

然後我做了很多演講，

I know that about half of you in the audience are probably like,

我知道你們中的一半或許會說：

"Building useless machines is really fun,

「創造無用的機器發明真有趣，

but how is this in any way or form a business?"

但要以什麽樣的方式， 或者怎樣才會有商業價值呢？」

And giving talks is a part of it.

做一個演講就是其中之一。

And the arrangers always put out a glass of water for you onstage

組織者經常會在臺上放一杯水，

so you have something to drink if you get thirsty,

如果你渴了，你就可以喝，

and I always so badly want to drink that water,

我總是悲慘地會想要喝水，

but I don't dare to pick the glass up

但是我太怕把杯子擧起來了，

because then people might be able to see that my hands are shaking.

因為這樣觀衆就會發現我手抖。

So what about a machine that hands you a glass of water?

為什麽不做一個 能遞水給你的機器呢？

Sold to the nervous girl in the googly-eye shirt.

把它買給那個穿著 一身曲面工藝眼衣服的女孩。

Actually, I need to take this off because I have a thing --

事實上，我需要把這脫掉， 因為我有一個東西——

(Googly eyes rattle)

（曲面工藝與發出聲音）

Oh.

哦，

(Clanking)

（叮噹聲）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

I still don't know what to call this,

我仍然不曉得應該怎麽叫這個東西，

but I think some sort of "head orbit device,"

但我覺得就像「頭部軌道裝置」，

because it rotates this platform around you

因為這個繞著你旋轉

and you can put anything on it.

你可以把任何東西放在上面。

You can have a camera; you can get photos of your entire head.

你可以放一個攝像機， 你可以拍你整個腦袋的照片。

Like it's really -- it's a very versatile machine.

就像真的—— 多用途機器。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

OK, and I have --

好的，我有——

I mean, you can put some snacks on it, for example,

我的意思是，你可以 放一些零食在上面，比如，

if you want to.

如果你想的話。

I have some popcorn here.

我這有一些爆米花，

And you just put a little bit like that.

你就像這樣放一些在那，

And then you want to --

如果你想要的話——

there's some sacrifices for science --

有些要為科學獻身了——

just some popcorn falling on the floor.

有些爆米花掉地上了。

Let's do the long way around.

讓我們繞遠路。

(Robot buzzes)

（機器聲音）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And then you have a little hand.

然後你有這個小手，

You need to adjust the height of it,

你需要調整它的高度，

and you just do it by shrugging.

你衹需要聳聳肩。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

It has a little hand.

這裏還有個小手。

(Hand thwacks)

（小手發出的聲音）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

I just bumped my mic off,

我剛剛把麥克風撞了，

but I think we're all good.

但我覺得我們應該沒什麽問題。

OK, also I need to chew this popcorn,

好的，我要咀嚼下著爆米花，

so if you guys could just clap your hands a little bit more --

所以你們大家幫個忙， 鼓掌聲響一點——

(Applause)

（掌聲）

OK, so it's like your own little personal solar system,

好，這就像你個人的太陽系，

because I'm a millennial,

因為我是個千禧一代，

so I want everything to revolve around me.

所以我想要所有東西都繞著我轉。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Back to the glass of water, that's what we're here for.

回到一杯水的話題， 我們在這裏就等這個。

So, I promise -- I mean, it still has --

所以，我保證—— 我的意思是，它還是——

it doesn't have any water in it,

它裏面沒水，

I'm sorry.

我很抱歉。

But I still need to work on this machine a little bit

但我還是要改進這個裝置，

because I still need to pick up the glass and put it on the platform,

因我還需自己拿起水杯， 放到這表面上，

but if your hands are shaking a little bit,

但是如果你手抖得不是很厲害，

nobody's going to notice

不會有人注意

because you're wearing a very mesmerizing piece of equipment.

因為你穿戴著這麽一件迷人的裝置。

So, we're all good.

所以，我們沒問題。

OK.

好的。

(Robot buzzes)

（裝置聲音）

(Singing)

（哼歌聲）

Oh no, it got stuck.

哦不，卡住了。

Isn't it comforting that even robots sometimes get stage fright?

連機器有時都會怯場 不是令人欣慰嗎？

It just gets stuck a little bit.

衹是卡住了一點。

It's very human of them.

它們可真像人。

Oh wait, let's go back a little bit,

哦等一下，我們倒回去一點，

and then --

然後——

(Glass falls)

（杯子掉落）

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Isn't it a beautiful time to be alive?

這一刻還活著真好，對吧？

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

(Applause)

（掌聲）

So as much as my machines can seem like simple engineering slapstick,

所以我的機器 簡直就和工程鬧劇一樣，

I realize that I stumbled on something bigger than that.

我意識到我偶然發現了更大的東西。

It's this expression of joy and humility that often gets lost in engineering,

這不就是我們常在工程設計中， 丟掉的那些喜悅和謙卑之情，

and for me it was a way to learn about hardware

對於我來説，這是 學習硬體的一種方式，

without having my performance anxiety get in the way.

沒有所謂的表演焦慮會阻擋我。

I often get asked if I think I'm ever going to build something useful,

經常有人問我，有沒有想過 去創造一些有用的東西，

and maybe someday I will.

也許某天我會。

But the way I see it,

但是我看到的路，

I already have

我所走過的，

because I've built myself this job

因為我為自己創造了這個職業，

and it's something that I could never have planned for,

這是我從未計劃過的，

or that I could --

或者我可以——

(Applause)

（掌聲）

It's something that I could never have planned for.

是從未計劃過的。

Instead it happened just because I was enthusiastic about what I was doing,

衹是碰巧我熱愛我正在做的事情，

and I was sharing that enthusiasm with other people.

以及與其他的人分享我的熱情。

To me that's the true beauty of making useless things,

對於我來説， 創造無用之物真正的美在於，

because it's this acknowledgment

因為這就是承認

that you don't always know what the best answer is.

你並不總是知道最好的答案。

And it turns off that voice in your head

它熄掉你腦海中堅信

that tells you that you know exactly how the world works.

自己知道這世界如何確切運作的聲音。

And maybe a toothbrush helmet isn't the answer,

也許能刷牙的頭盔不是答案，

but at least you're asking the question.

但是至少你問了問題。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）