How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are | Andrew Solomon

Prevodilac: Mile Živković Lektor: Ivana Korom

As a student of adversity,

Kao neko ko se zalaže za raznovrsnost,

I've been struck over the years by how some people with major challenges

tokom godina me je pogađalo

kako neki ljudi

sa velikim izazovima

seem to draw strength from them.

kao da iz njih vuku snagu,

And I've heard the popular wisdom that that has to do with finding meaning.

i čuo sam popularnu mudrost

da to ima veze sa iznalaženjem smisla.

And for a long time,

Dugo vremena,

I thought the meaning was out there,

mislio sam da je smisao tamo,

some great truth waiting to be found.

neka velika istina koja čeka otkriće.

But over time,

Ali tokom vremena, shvatio sam

I've come to feel that the truth is irrelevant.

da je istina nebitna.

We call it "finding meaning,"

Mi to zovemo nalaženjem smisla

but we might better call it "forging meaning."

ali je bolje da to zovemo stvaranjem smisla.

My last book was about how families manage to deal

Moja poslednja knjiga je bila o tome

kako porodice uspevaju da se izbore sa raznim vrstama

with various kinds of challenging or unusual offspring.

zahtevnog ili neobičnog potomstva,

i jedna od majki koju sam intervjuisao,

And one of the mothers I interviewed,

who had two children with multiple severe disabilities,

koja je imala dvoje dece sa višestrukim i teškim invaliditetima,

said to me, "People always give us these little sayings like,

rekla mi je: "Ljudi nam uvek daju

male izreke poput:

'Bog nam ne daje više od onoga sa čime možemo da se izborimo,'

'God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.'

But children like ours are not preordained as a gift.

ali deca poput naše

nisu predodređena kao dar.

They're a gift

Ona su dar jer smo mi to odabrali."

because that's what we have chosen."

We make those choices all our lives.

Te odabire pravimo celog života.

Kada sam bio u drugom razredu,

When I was in second grade,

Bobby Finkel had a birthday party

Bobi Finkl je imao rođendansku žurku

i pozvao je sve u razredu osim mene.

and invited everyone in our class but me.

My mother assumed there had been some sort of error,

Moja majka je pretpostavila da je u pitanju

neka greška, i pozvala je gđu Finkl

and she called Mrs. Finkel,

who said that Bobby didn't like me and didn't want me at his party.

koja je rekla da se nisam sviđao Bobiju

i da me nije želeo na žurci.

Tog dana, majka me je odvela u zoo vrt

And that day, my mom took me to the zoo

i na sladoled sa topljenom čokoladom.

and out for a hot fudge sundae.

Kada sam bio u sedmom razredu,

When I was in seventh grade,

one of the kids on my school bus nicknamed me "Percy,"

jedan klinac u busu za školu

mi je dao nadimak "Persa"

kao skraćenicu za moju pojavu,

as a shorthand for my demeanor.

i on i njegova grupa bi ponekad

And sometimes, he and his cohort would chant that provocation

skandirali taj naziv

celom vožnjom do škole,

the entire school bus ride,

45 minuta do tamo i 45 nazad,

45 minutes up, 45 minutes back:

"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"

"Persa! Persa! Persa! Persa!"

When I was in eighth grade, our science teacher told us

Kada sam bio u osmom razredu,

naš profesor biologije nam je rekao

that all male homosexuals develop fecal incontinence

da svi muškarci homoseksualci

dobijaju nemogućnost zadržavanja fekalija

because of the trauma to their anal sphincter.

zbog povreda nanešenih analnom sfinkteru.

Srednju školu sam završio

And I graduated high school without ever going to the cafeteria,

a da nisam nikad otišao u menzu,

where I would have sat with the girls and been laughed at for doing so,

gde bih seo sa devojčicama

i smejali bi mi se zbog toga,

or sat with the boys,

ili bih seo s dečacima

and been laughed at for being a boy who should be sitting with the girls.

i smejali bi mi se jer sam dečak

koji bi trebalo da sedi sa devojčicama.

To detinjstvo sam preživeo kroz mešavinu

I survived that childhood through a mix of avoidance and endurance.

izbegavanja i izdržljivosti.

What I didn't know then

Tada nisam znao,

and do know now,

a sada znam,

da izbegavanje i izdržljivost

is that avoidance and endurance can be the entryway to forging meaning.

mogu da budu početak stvaranja smisla.

Nakon što ste smisao stvorili,

After you've forged meaning,

you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity.

morate ga integrisati

u novi identitet.

You need to take the traumas

Morate uzeti traume i načiniti ih delom

and make them part of who you've come to be,

toga što ste postali

and you need to fold the worst events of your life

i morate da oblikujete najgore događaje u životu

u priču o trijumfu,

into a narrative of triumph,

evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.

pokazujući boljeg sebe

kao odgovor na stvari koje bole.

One of the other mothers I interviewed when I was working on my book

Jedna od majki koje sam intervjuisao

dok sam radio na svojoj knjizi

had been raped as an adolescent,

bila je silovana kao adolescentkinja

i nakon silovanja je dobila dete,

and had a child following that rape,

što je uništilo sve njene planove za karijeru

which had thrown away her career plans

i oštetilo sve njene emotivne veze.

and damaged all of her emotional relationships.

Ali kada sam je upoznao, imala je 50 godina,

But when I met her, she was 50,

and I said to her,

i pitao sam je:

"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"

"Da li često misliš o čoveku koji te je silovao?"

I ona je rekla: "O njemu sam mislila s besom,

And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,

but now only with pity."

ali sada samo sa žaljenjem."

Mislio sam da to kaže jer je on bio

And I thought she meant pity because he was so unevolved

toliko necivilizovan da uradi tu groznu stvar.

as to have done this terrible thing.

And I said, "Pity?"

I rekao sam: "Sa sažaljenjem?"

And she said, "Yes,

Ona je rekla: "Da,

jer ima predivnu ćerku

because he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren,

i dvoje predivnih unuka

i ne zna to, a ja znam.

and he doesn't know that,

and I do.

So as it turns out,

Ispostavlja se da sam ja srećna."

I'm the lucky one."

Some of our struggles are things we're born to:

Sa nekim od naših borbi smo rođeni:

our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.

naš pol, seksualnost, rasa, invaliditet.

And some are things that happen to us:

Neke su stvari koje nam se dese:

being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,

to što ste politički zatvorenik, žrtva silovanja,

being a Katrina survivor.

neko ko je preživeo Katrinu.

Identity involves entering a community

Identitet znači ulazak u zajednicu

to draw strength from that community,

kako biste iz nje izvukli snagu,

and to give strength there, too.

i dali snagu.

It involves substituting "and" for "but" --

To znači menjanje "i" sa "ali" -

ne: "Ovde sam, ali imam rak",

not "I am here but I have cancer,"

but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."

nego: "Imam rak i ovde sam".

When we're ashamed, we can't tell our stories,

Kada se stidimo,

ne možemo da ispričamo naše priče,

and stories are the foundation

a priče su osnova identiteta.

of identity.

Forge meaning,

Stvarajte smisao, gradite identitet,

build identity.

stvarajte smisao, gradite identitet.

Forge meaning and build identity.

To je postala moja mantra.

That became my mantra.

Stvaranje smisla je menjanje sebe.

Forging meaning is about changing yourself.

Building identity is about changing the world.

Građenje identiteta znači menjanje sveta.

All of us with stigmatized identities face this question daily:

Svi mi sa žigosanim identitetima

se svaki dan suočavamo sa ovim pitanjem:

koliko se prilagoditi društvu

How much to accommodate society by constraining ourselves,

kroz ograničavanje sebe,

and how much to break the limits

i koliko prekoračiti granice onoga

of what constitutes a valid life?

što podrazumeva opravdan život?

Stvaranje značenja i građenje identiteta

Forging meaning and building identity

does not make what was wrong right.

ne ispravlja pogrešno.

It only makes what was wrong precious.

Samo čini pogrešno neprocenjivim.

U januaru ove godine,

In January of this year,

I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,

išao sam u Mjanmar da intervjuišem političke zatvorenike,

and I was surprised to find them less bitter than I'd anticipated.

i iznenadio sam se što su manje ogorčeni

nego što sam očekivao.

Most of them had knowingly committed the offenses

Većina njih je svesno počinila

zločine koji su ih doveli u zatvor,

that landed them in prison,

and they had walked in with their heads held high,

i ušetali su uzdignute glave,

and they walked out with their heads still held high,

i izašli su uzdignute glave

mnogo godina kasnije.

many years later.

Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist

Dr Ma Tida, vodeća aktivistkinja za prava ljudi

koja je skoro umrla u zatvoru

who had nearly died in prison

and had spent many years in solitary confinement,

i provela puno godina u samici,

told me she was grateful to her jailers for the time she had had to think,

rekla je da je bila zahvalna svojim tamničarima

za vreme koje je imala da razmisli,

for the wisdom she had gained,

za mudrost koju je dobila,

for the chance to hone her meditation skills.

za priliku da usavrši svoje veštine meditacije.

She had sought meaning

Tražila je smisao

and made her travail into a crucial identity.

i prošla kroz agoniju do ključnog identiteta.

But if the people I met were less bitter than I'd anticipated

Ali ako su ljudi koje sam susretao

bili manje ogorčeni nego što sam očekivao

about being in prison,

u vezi sa boravkom u zatvoru,

they were also less thrilled than I'd expected

takođe su bili manje uzbuđeni

about the reform process going on in their country.

zbog procesa reformisanja koji se dešavao

u njihovoj zemlji.

Ma Thida said,

Ma Tida je rekla:

"We Burmese are noted for our tremendous grace under pressure,

"Mi Burmanci smo čuveni

po velikoj gracioznosti pod pritiskom,

but we also have grievance under glamour."

ali takođe nosimo žalost ispod glamura,"

She said, "And the fact that there have been these shifts and changes

rekla je, "i činjenica da su se desila

ova pomeranja i promene

doesn't erase the continuing problems in our society

ne briše stalne probleme

u našem društvu

na koje smo dobro navikli

that we learned to see so well while we were in prison."

tokom boravka u zatvoru."

I understood her to be saying

Razumeo sam da je rekla

that concessions confer only a little humanity

da ustupci daju samo malo humanosti,

gde je potrebna potpuna humanost,

where full humanity is due;

that crumbs are not the same as a place at the table.

da mrvice nisu isto

što i mesto za stolom,

Which is to say,

što znači da možete stvoriti smisao

you can forge meaning and build identity

i izgraditi identitet i opet biti potpuno ludi.

and still be mad as hell.

I've never been raped,

Nikad me nisu silovali

and I've never been in anything remotely approaching a Burmese prison.

i nikada nisam bio u bilo čemu što je i blizu

burmanskog zatvora,

ali kao gej Amerikanac,

But as a gay American,

iskusio sam predrasude i čak i mržnju,

I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,

i stvarao sam smisao i gradio identitet,

and I've forged meaning

and I've built identity,

which is a move I learned from people

što je potez koji sam naučio od ljudi

who had experienced far worse privation than I've ever known.

koji su iskusili daleko veću oskudicu

od onoga što sam ja proživeo.

U mojoj ranoj mladosti,

In my own adolescence,

I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.

išao sam do ekstrema da pokušam da budem strejt.

Upisao sam se na nešto što se zvalo

I enrolled myself in something called "sexual surrogacy therapy,"

seksualna terapija surogatom,

in which people I was encouraged to call doctors

gde su osobe koje je trebalo da zovem doktorima

prepisivale ono što je trebalo da zovem vežbama

prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises

sa ženama koje je trebalo da zovem surogatima,

with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,

who were not exactly prostitutes

koje nisu zapravo bile prostituke,

ali koje nisu zapravo bile ništa drugo.

but who were also not exactly anything else.

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

My particular favorite was a blonde woman from the Deep South

Moja omiljena je bila

plavuša sa dalekog juga

who eventually admitted to me that she was really a necrophiliac,

koja mi je na kraju priznala

da je zapravo bila nekrofil

and had taken this job after she got in trouble

i da je s tim poslom počela nakon što je upala u nevolju

down at the morgue.

u mrtvačnici.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

These experiences eventually allowed me to have

Ova iskustva su mi na kraju dozvolila da imam

some happy physical relationships with women,

neke zdrave fizičke veze sa ženama,

for which I'm grateful.

za šta sam zahvalan,

ali sam bio u sukobu sa sobom,

But I was at war with myself,

and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.

i napravio sam ogromne rane mojoj psihi.

We don't seek the painful experiences

Ne tražimo bolna iskustva

that hew our identities,

koja klešu naše identitete,

but we seek our identities

već tražimo svoje identitete

uprkos bolnim iskustvima.

in the wake of painful experiences.

We cannot bear a pointless torment,

Ne možemo trpeti besmislenu patnju,

but we can endure great pain

ali možemo izdržati velik bol

ako verujemo da ima svrhu.

if we believe that it's purposeful.

Ease makes less of an impression on us

Lakoća na nas ostavlja slabiji utisak

than struggle.

nego patnja.

We could have been ourselves without our delights,

Mogli smo biti mi sa svim zadovoljstvima,

but not without the misfortunes that drive our search for meaning.

ali ne bez nesreća

koje pokreću našu potragu za smislom.

"Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,"

"Stoga, nalazim zadovoljstvo u slabostima", napisao je

Sveti Pavle u Drugoj poslanici Korinćanima,

St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,

"for when I am weak, then I am strong."

"jer kada sam slab, onda sam jak."

1988, otišao sam u Moskvu

In 1988, I went to Moscow to interview artists

da bih intervjuisao umetnike sovjetskog podzemlja

of the Soviet underground.

i očekivao sam da njihova dela budu

I expected their work to be dissident and political.

disidentska i politička.

But the radicalism in their work

Ali radikalizam u njihovim delima zapravo je počivao

actually lay in reinserting humanity into a society

u ponovnom stavljanju humanosti u društvo

that was annihilating humanity itself,

koje je uništavalo samu humanost,

as, in some senses, Russian society is now doing again.

kao što rusko društvo, u nekom smislu

sada ponovo radi.

Jedan od umetnika koje sam sreo mi je rekao:

One of the artists I met said to me,

"We were in training to be not artists but angels."

"Nisu nas obučavali da budemo umetnici, već anđeli."

1991, vratio sam se da vidim umetnike

In 1991, I went back to see the artists I'd been writing about,

o kojima sam pisao,

and I was with them during the putsch that ended the Soviet Union.

i bio sam s njima tokom puča

koji je okončao Sovjetski savez,

a oni su bili među glavnim organizatorima

And they were among the chief organizers of the resistance to that putsch.

otpora tom puču.

And on the third day of the putsch,

Trećeg dana puča, jedan od njih

one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.

je predložio da odemo do Smolenskaje.

And we went there,

I otišli smo tamo,

i smestili smo se ispred jedne od barikada,

and we arranged ourselves in front of one of the barricades,

i nešto kasnije,

and a little while later,

a column of tanks rolled up.

došao je niz tenkova,

And the soldier on the front tank said,

i vojnik u prvom tenku je rekao:

"Imamo bezuslovna naređenja

"We have unconditional orders to destroy this barricade.

da uništimo ovu barikadu.

Ako se sklonite sa puta,

If you get out of the way, we don't need to hurt you.

ne moramo da vas povredimo,

ali ako se ne pomerite,

But if you won't move, we'll have no choice but to run you down."

nećemo imati izbora osim da vas pregazimo."

The artist I was with said, "Give us just a minute.

Umetnici sa kojima sam bio su rekli:

"Dajte nam samo minut.

Samo minut da vam kažemo zašto smo ovde."

Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."

And the soldier folded his arms,

Vojnik je sklopio ruke,

and the artist launched into a Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy

a umetnik je krenuo u džefersonsku pohvalu demokratiji

kakvu bi mi koji živimo

such as those of us who live in a Jeffersonian democracy

u džeferskonskoj demokratiji

would be hard-pressed to present.

teško izneli.

And they went on and on,

I pričali su i pričali,

and the soldier watched.

i vojnik je posmatrao,

And then he sat there for a full minute after they were finished

onda je stajao tu ceo minut

nakon što su završili

i pogledao nas je, tako jadne na kiši

and looked at us, so bedraggled in the rain,

and said, "What you have said is true,

i rekao: "To što ste rekli je istina,

and we must bow to the will of the people.

i moramo se povinovati volji naroda.

Ako oslobodite dovoljno prostora da se okrenemo,

If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around,

we'll go back the way we came."

vratićemo se tamo odakle smo došli."

I to su i uradili.

And that's what they did.

Sometimes, forging meaning can give you the vocabulary you need

Ponekad, stvaranje smisla

može da vam pruži potreban rečnik

da se borite za krajnju slobodu.

to fight for your ultimate freedom.

Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion

Rusija me je osvestila od ružičastog uverenja

that oppression breeds the power to oppose it.

da ugnjetavanje gaji snagu koja mu se suprotstavlja,

And I gradually understood that as the cornerstone of identity.

i postepeno sam to shvatio kao okosnicu

identiteta.

Bio je potreban identitet da me spasi od tuge.

It took identity to rescue me from sadness.

The gay rights movement posits a world

Pokret gej prava pretpostavlja svet

in which my aberrances are a victory.

u kom su moje devijantnosti pobeda.

Identity politics always works on two fronts:

Politika identiteta uvek funkcioniše na dva fronta:

to give pride to people who have a given condition or characteristic,

da da ponos ljudima kojima je dat problem

ili karakteristika,

and to cause the outside world to treat such people

i da uzrokuje da spoljni svet

tretira te ljude sa više nežnosti.

more gently and more kindly.

To su dva potpuno odvojena domena,

Those are two totally separate enterprises,

but progress in each sphere reverberates in the other.

ali napredak na svakom polju

odjekuje na onom drugom.

Identity politics can be narcissistic.

Politika identiteta može biti narcisoidna.

People extol a difference only because it's theirs.

Ljudi veličaju razliku samo zato što je njihova.

People narrow the world and function in discrete groups

Ljudi sužavaju svet i funkcionišu

u diskretnim grupama bez saosećanja jedni za druge.

without empathy for one another.

Ali ako se razume kako treba

But properly understood and wisely practiced,

i upražnjava na mudar način,

identity politics should expand our idea of what it is to be human.

politika identiteta bi trebalo da proširi

naš pojam toga šta znači biti čovek.

Sam identitet

Identity itself should be not a smug label or a gold medal,

ne treba da bude uobražena etiketa

ili zlatna medalja,

but a revolution.

već revolucija.

I would have had an easier life if I were straight,

Imao bih lakši život da sam bio strejt,

but I would not be me.

ali ne bih bio ja,

And I now like being myself better

i sada se više sviđam sebi

than the idea of being someone else,

nego ideja da budem neko drugi,

neko za koga, da budem iskren,

someone who, to be honest,

I have neither the option of being nor the ability fully to imagine.

nemam mogućnost da budem,

niti sposobnost da ga potpuno zamislim.

But if you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes,

Ali ako proterate zmajeve

proterujete i heroje,

and we become attached to the heroic strain in our own lives.

i postajemo vezani

za ono herojsko u našim životima.

I've sometimes wondered

Ponekad sam se pitao

whether I could have ceased to hate that part of myself

da li sam mogao da prestanem da mrzim taj deo sebe

without gay pride's technicolor fiesta,

bez drečave pompe gej ponosa,

of which this speech is one manifestation.

čija je jedna manifestacija i ovaj govor.

(Laughter)

I used to think I would know myself to be mature

Mislio sam da ću znati da budem zreo

when I could simply be gay without emphasis.

kada sam jednostavno mogao da budem gej bez naglašavanja,

But the self-loathing of that period left a void,

ali samoprezir tog perioda je ostavio prazninu

and celebration needs to fill and overflow it,

i slavljenje mora da je napuni i prelije,

and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy,

i čak i kada otplatim svoj lični dug melanholije,

there's still an outer world of homophobia

još uvek postoji spoljni svet homofobije

that it will take decades to address.

za čije rešavanje će biti potrebne decenije.

Someday, being gay will be a simple fact,

Jednog dana, biti gej će biti jednostavna činjenica,

free of party hats and blame.

bez obeležja i okrivljavanja,

But not yet.

ali još uvek ne.

Moj prijatelj koji je mislio da se gej ponos

A friend of mine who thought gay pride was getting very carried away with itself,

veoma zanosi sobom,

once suggested that we organize Gay Humility Week.

jednom je predložio da organizujemo

Nedelju gej poniznosti.

(Laughter)

(Smeh) (Aplauz)

(Applause)

It's a great idea.

To je sjajna ideja,

(Laughter)

ali još nije vreme za nju.

But its time has not yet come.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And neutrality, which seems to lie halfway between despair and celebration,

Neutralnost, koja se čini da leži

na pola puta između očajanja i slavljenja,

is actually the endgame.

je zapravo poslednja runda.

In 29 states in the US,

U 29 država u SAD,

legalno bi mogli da me otpuste ili da mi odbiju boravak

I could legally be fired or denied housing

for being gay.

zato što sam gej.

In Russia, the anti-propaganda law

U Rusiji, zakon protiv propagande

je doveo do toga da ljude tuku na ulici.

has led to people being beaten in the streets.

27 zemalja u Africi je izglasalo

Twenty-seven African countries have passed laws against sodomy.

zakone protiv sodomije,

a u Nigeriji, gej ljude legalno

And in Nigeria, gay people can legally be stoned to death,

mogu kamenovati do smrti,

and lynchings have become common.

a linčovanje je postalo svakodnevnica.

In Saudi Arabia recently,

U Saudijskoj Arabiji, dva muškarca koja su skoro

two men who had been caught in carnal acts

uhvaćena u telesnom činu,

were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each,

kažnjena su sa 7000 bičevanja svaki,

i sada su invalidi kao posledica toga.

and are now permanently disabled as a result.

So who can forge meaning

Ko onda može da stvori smisao

and build identity?

i izgradi identitet?

Gej prava nisu prvenstveno prava na brak,

Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,

and for the millions who live in unaccepting places

i za milione koji žive na neprihvatljivim mestima,

with no resources,

bez resursa,

dignity remains elusive.

dostojanstvo je nedostižno.

Ja sam imao sreću da stvorim smisao

I am lucky to have forged meaning

i izgradim identitet,

and built identity,

ali to je još uvek retka privilegija,

but that's still a rare privilege.

And gay people deserve more, collectively,

i gej ljudi kao zajednica zaslužuju

than the crumbs of justice.

više od mrvica pravde.

And yet,

Ipak, svaki korak unapred

every step forward is so sweet.

je tako sladak.

In 2007, six years after we met,

2007, šest godina nakon što smo se sreli,

my partner and I decided to get married.

moj partner i ja smo odlučili

da stupimo u brak.

Meeting John had been the discovery of great happiness

Upoznavanje sa Džonom je bilo otkriće

velike sreće

and also the elimination of great unhappiness.

i eliminacija velike nesreće,

And sometimes, I was so occupied with the disappearance of all that pain,

i ponekad sam bio toliko zauzet

nestajanjem svog tog bola

that I forgot about the joy,

da sam zaboravio na radost,

koja je isprva za mene bila manje izuzetna.

which was at first the less remarkable part of it to me.

Marrying was a way to declare our love

Brak je bio način da izjavimo svoju ljubav

as more a presence than an absence.

više kao prisustvo nego odsustvo.

Marriage soon led us to children,

Brak je uskoro doveo do dece,

and that meant new meanings

i to je dalo nova značenja

and new identities -- ours and theirs.

i nove identitete, njihove i naše.

I want my children to be happy,

Želim da moja deca budu srećna,

and I love them most achingly when they are sad.

i volim ih najbolnije kada su tužna.

As a gay father, I can teach them to own what is wrong in their lives,

Kao gej otac, mogu da ih naučim

da poseduju ono pogrešno u njihovim životima,

but I believe that if I succeed in sheltering them from adversity,

ali verujem da ako bih uspeo

da ih zaklonim od različitosti,

I will have failed as a parent.

podbacio bih kao roditelj.

A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me

Budistički učenjak kojeg sam poznavao objasnio mi je

that Westerners mistakenly think

da Zapadnjaci greše kada misle

da je nirvana ono što dolazi

that nirvana is what arrives when all your woe is behind you,

kada je sav naš bol iza nas

and you have only bliss to look forward to.

i možete da se radujete samo blaženstvu.

Ali rekao je da to ne bi bila nirvana

But he said that would not be nirvana,

because your bliss in the present

jer bi tvoja sadašnja blaženost

uvek bila zaklonjena radošću iz prošlosti.

would always be shadowed by the joy from the past.

Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at

Rekao je da je nirvana ono do čega dolaziš

when you have only bliss to look forward to

kada konačno imaš samo blaženstvo kome se raduješ

i kada u onome što je izgledalo kao tuga

and find in what looked like sorrows the seedlings of your joy.

nalaziš seme radosti.

And I sometimes wonder

Ponekad se pitam

da li bih našao toliku ispunjenost

whether I could have found such fulfillment in marriage and children

u braku i deci

if they'd come more readily,

da su oni naišli spremnije,

da sam bio strejt u svojoj mladosti ili da sam sada mlad,

if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now,

a ovo bi bilo lakše u oba slučaja.

in either of which cases this might be easier.

Perhaps I could.

Možda bih mogao.

Možda bi kompleksno maštanje kojim sam se bavio

Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done

could have been applied to other topics.

moglo da se primeni na druge teme.

But if seeking meaning matters more than finding meaning,

Ali ako je traženje smisla

bitnije od pronalaženja smisla,

pitanje nije da li bih bio srećniji

the question is not whether I'd be happier for having been bullied,

što su me maltretirali,

but whether assigning meaning to those experiences

već da li je davanje značenja

tim iskustvima

has made me a better father.

od mene načinilo boljeg oca.

I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys,

Pronalazim sreću sakrivenu u običnim radostima,

because I did not expect those joys to be ordinary to me.

jer nisam očekivao da te radosti

za mene budu obične.

Znam mnogo heteroseksualaca

I know many heterosexuals who have equally happy marriages and families,

koji imaju jednako srećne brakove i porodice,

but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh,

ali gej brakovi su toliko zapanjujuće sveži

a gej porodice toliko uzbudljivo nove,

and gay families so exhilaratingly new,

and I found meaning in that surprise.

i našao sam smisao u tom iznenađenju.

In October, it was my 50th birthday,

U oktobru je bio moj 50. rođendan,

i moja porodica mi je organizovala žurku

and my family organized a party for me.

And in the middle of it, my son said to my husband

i u sred te žurke,

moj sin je rekao mom suprugu

that he wanted to make a speech.

da je želeo da održi govor,

a Džon je rekao:

And John said,

"Džordž, ne možeš da održiš govor. Imaš četiri godine."

"George, you can't make a speech. You're four."

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I are going to make speeches tonight."

"Samo deka i ujka Dejvid i ja

ćemo večeras držati govor."

But George insisted and insisted,

Ali Džordž je insistirao,

and finally, John took him up to the microphone,

i konačno, Džon ga je doveo do mikrofona,

and George said very loudly,

i Džordž je rekao veoma glasno:

"Ladies and gentlemen!

"Dame i gospodo,

May I have your attention, please?"

moliću vas za pažnju."

And everyone turned around, startled.

I svi su se okrenuli, iznenađeni.

I Džordž je rekao:

And George said,

"I'm glad it's daddy's birthday.

"Drago mi je da je tatin rođendan.

I'm glad we all get cake.

Drago mi je da svi dobijamo tortu.

I tata, kada bi ti bio mali,

And Daddy, if you were little,

bio bih tvoj prijatelj."

I'd be your friend."

(Gasp)

And I thought -- (Applause)

I pomislio sam - hvala vam.

Thank you.

Pomislio sam da dugujem

I thought that I was indebted even to Bobby Finkel,

čak i Bobiju Finklu

because all those earlier experiences

jer su sva ta ranija iskustva

were what had propelled me to this moment,

bila to što me je poguralo do ovog trenutka,

and I was finally unconditionally grateful

i konačno sam bio bezuslovno zahvalan

for a life I'd once have done anything to change.

za život za koji bih nekad dao sve da mogu da ga promenim.

The gay activist Harvey Milk was once asked by a younger gay man

Gej aktivistu Harvija Milka

je jednom pitao mlađi čovek,

what he could do to help the movement,

šta bi mogao da uradi da pomogne pokretu,

i Harvi Milk je rekao:

and Harvey Milk said,

"Go out and tell someone."

"Idi i reci nekome."

Uvek je postojao neko ko želi da konfiskuje

There's always somebody who wants to confiscate our humanity.

našu humanost,

i uvek postoje priče koje je vraćaju.

And there are always stories that restore it.

If we live out loud,

Ako živimo punim plućima,

we can trounce the hatred,

možemo izbiti mržnju

i proširiti svačije živote.

and expand everyone's lives.

Forge meaning.

Stvarajte smisao. Gradite identitet.

Build identity.

Forge meaning.

Stvarajte smisao.

Build identity.

Gradite identitet.

I onda pozovite svet

And then invite the world to share your joy.

da deli radost sa vama.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Thank you.

Hvala vam. (Aplauz)

(Applause)

Thank you.

Hvala vam. (Aplauz)

(Applause)

Thank you.

Hvala vam. (Aplauz)

(Applause)