How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are | Andrew Solomon

Prevoditelj: Ivan Stamenković Recezent: Maja Covic

As a student of adversity,

Kako proučavam raznolikost,

I've been struck over the years by how some people with major challenges

primijetio sam tijekom godina

kako neki ljudi

s velikim izazovima

seem to draw strength from them.

naizgled crpe snagu iz njih,

And I've heard the popular wisdom that that has to do with finding meaning.

i čuo sam popularnu mudrost

koja kaže da to ima veze s pronalaženjem značenja.

And for a long time,

I dugo vremena,

I thought the meaning was out there,

mislio sam da je značenje negdje vani,

some great truth waiting to be found.

neka velika istina koja čeka da je se otkrije.

But over time,

No nakon nekog vremena, počeo sam osjećati

I've come to feel that the truth is irrelevant.

kako je istina nebitna.

We call it "finding meaning,"

Zovemo to pronalaženje značenja,

but we might better call it "forging meaning."

ali bolje bi bilo da to nazovemo lažiranje značenja.

My last book was about how families manage to deal

Moja posljednja knjiga govori o obiteljima

koje se nose s različitim vrstama izazovnih

with various kinds of challenging or unusual offspring.

ili neobičnih potomaka,

i jedna od majki koje sam intervjuirao,

And one of the mothers I interviewed,

who had two children with multiple severe disabilities,

koja ima dvoje djece s višestrukim invaliditetom,

said to me, "People always give us these little sayings like,

rekla mi je, "Ljudi nam uvijek govore

ove male izreke, kao,

'Bog vam ne daje više od onoga s čim se možete nositi',

'God doesn't give you any more than you can handle.'

But children like ours are not preordained as a gift.

ali djeca kao naša

nisu predodređena kao dar.

They're a gift

Dar su jer smo tako odabrali."

because that's what we have chosen."

We make those choices all our lives.

Takve izbore donosimo čitav svoj život.

Kada sam bio u drugom razredu,

When I was in second grade,

Bobby Finkel had a birthday party

Bobby Finkel imao je rođendansku zabavu

i pozvao sve u razredu osim mene.

and invited everyone in our class but me.

My mother assumed there had been some sort of error,

Moja majka pretpostavila je da se dogodila neka greška,

i nazvala je gospođu Finkel,

and she called Mrs. Finkel,

who said that Bobby didn't like me and didn't want me at his party.

koja je rekla da me Bobby ne voli

i nije htio da dođem na zabavu.

I tog dana, mama me odvela u zoološki vrt

And that day, my mom took me to the zoo

i van na sladoled.

and out for a hot fudge sundae.

Kada sam bio u sedmom razredu,

When I was in seventh grade,

one of the kids on my school bus nicknamed me "Percy,"

jedan od dječaka u školskom busu

nazvao me "Percy"

kao skraćenicu za moje ponašanje,

as a shorthand for my demeanor.

i ponekad, on i njegova kohorta

And sometimes, he and his cohort would chant that provocation

uzvikivali bi tu provokaciju

cijelu vožnju busom,

the entire school bus ride,

45 minuta tamo, 45 minuta natrag,

45 minutes up, 45 minutes back:

"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"

"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"

When I was in eighth grade, our science teacher told us

Kada sam bio u osmom razredu

naš profesor rekao je

that all male homosexuals develop fecal incontinence

da svi muški homoseksualci

razviju fekalnu inkontinenciju

because of the trauma to their anal sphincter.

zbog traume analnog sfinktera.

I maturirao sam iz srednje škole

And I graduated high school without ever going to the cafeteria,

bez da sam ijednom otišao u kafeteriju,

where I would have sat with the girls and been laughed at for doing so,

gdje bih sjedio s djevojkama

zbog čega bi me smijavali,

or sat with the boys,

ili sjedio s momcima

and been laughed at for being a boy who should be sitting with the girls.

gdje bi me ismijavali što sam momak

koji bi trebao sjediti s djevojkama.

Preživio sam to djetinjstvo pomoću kombinacije

I survived that childhood through a mix of avoidance and endurance.

izbjegavanja i izdržljivosti.

What I didn't know then

Ono što nisam tada znao,

and do know now,

a sada znam,

je da su izbjegavanje i izdržljivost

is that avoidance and endurance can be the entryway to forging meaning.

put prema lažiranju značenja.

Kada ste lažirali značenje,

After you've forged meaning,

you need to incorporate that meaning into a new identity.

morate to značenje uključiti

u novi identitet.

You need to take the traumas

Morate uzeti traume i učiniti ih dijelom

and make them part of who you've come to be,

osobe koja postanete,

and you need to fold the worst events of your life

i morate složiti najgore događaje u svom životu

u priču trijumfa,

into a narrative of triumph,

evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.

pokazujući boljeg sebe

kao odgovor na stvari koje bole.

One of the other mothers I interviewed when I was working on my book

Jedna druga majka koju sam intervjuirao

kada sam radio na svojoj knjizi

had been raped as an adolescent,

silovana je kao adolescentica,

i rodila je nakon tog silovanja,

and had a child following that rape,

što je uništilo njene planove o karijeri

which had thrown away her career plans

i naštetilo svim njenim emocionalnim vezama.

and damaged all of her emotional relationships.

No, kada sam je upoznao, imala je 50,

But when I met her, she was 50,

and I said to her,

i upitao je,

"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"

"Razmišljate li često o čovjeku koji vas je silovao?"

Odgovorila je, "Nekad sam razmišljala o njemu s ljutnjom,

And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,

but now only with pity."

ali sada ga samo žalim."

Mislio sam da ga žali jer je

And I thought she meant pity because he was so unevolved

bio tako nerazvijen i učinio tu užasnu stvar.

as to have done this terrible thing.

And I said, "Pity?"

I rekao sam, "Žalite ga?"

And she said, "Yes,

I ona je rekla, "Da,

jer ima prekrasnu kćer

because he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren,

i dvoje prekrasne unučadi

ali ne zna za to, a ja znam.

and he doesn't know that,

and I do.

So as it turns out,

Tako da sam ja ta koja je sretna."

I'm the lucky one."

Some of our struggles are things we're born to:

Neke naše borbe su nam urođene:

our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.

naš spol, naša seksualnost, naša rasa, naš invaliditet.

And some are things that happen to us:

A neke su stvari koje nam se dogode:

being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,

biti politički zatvorenik, žrtva silovanja,

being a Katrina survivor.

biti preživjeli nakon uragana Katrine.

Identity involves entering a community

Identitet traži ulazak u zajednicu

to draw strength from that community,

kako bismo crpili snagu iz te zajednice,

and to give strength there, too.

i kako bi i njoj dali snagu.

It involves substituting "and" for "but" --

Uključuje zamjenu "i" za "ali" --

ne "Ovdje sam, ali imam rak."

not "I am here but I have cancer,"

but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."

već, "Imam rak i ovdje sam."

When we're ashamed, we can't tell our stories,

Kada nas je sram,

ne možemo pričati svoje priče,

and stories are the foundation

a priče su osnova identiteta.

of identity.

Forge meaning,

Lažiraj značenje, gradi identitet,

build identity.

lažiraj značenje i gradi identitet.

Forge meaning and build identity.

To mi je postala mantra.

That became my mantra.

Lažiranje značenja važno je za mijenjanje samog sebe.

Forging meaning is about changing yourself.

Building identity is about changing the world.

Građenje identiteta važno je za mijenjanje svijeta.

All of us with stigmatized identities face this question daily:

Svi mi sa stigmatiziranim idenitetom

suočavamo se s ovim pitanjem svaki dan:

koliko udovoljiti društvu

How much to accommodate society by constraining ourselves,

ograničavajući same sebe,

and how much to break the limits

i koliko probiti granice onoga

of what constitutes a valid life?

što se smatra ispravnim životom?

Lažiranje značenja i izgradnja identiteta

Forging meaning and building identity

does not make what was wrong right.

ne čini ono što je bilo pogrešno ispravnim.

It only makes what was wrong precious.

Samo čini ono što je pogrešno dragocjenim.

U siječnju ove godine,

In January of this year,

I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,

otišao sam u Mijanmar kako bih intervjuirao političke zatvorenike,

and I was surprised to find them less bitter than I'd anticipated.

i iznenadio sam se kada sam shvatio da su manje ogorčeni

nego što sam očekivao.

Most of them had knowingly committed the offenses

Većina ih je svjesno počinila

prekršaje koji su ih doveli u zatvor,

that landed them in prison,

and they had walked in with their heads held high,

i ušli su visoko uzdignutih glava,

and they walked out with their heads still held high,

i izašli su visoko uzdignutih glava

godinama nakon toga.

many years later.

Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist

Dr. Ma Thida, vodeća aktivistica za ljudska prava

koja je skoro umrla u zatvoru

who had nearly died in prison

and had spent many years in solitary confinement,

i provela mnoge godine u samici,

told me she was grateful to her jailers for the time she had had to think,

rekla mi je da je zahvalna onima koji su je pritvorili

zbog vremena koje je imala da razmišlja,

for the wisdom she had gained,

zbog mudrosti koju je stekla,

for the chance to hone her meditation skills.

za šansu da usavrši svoje meditacijske vještine.

She had sought meaning

Tražila je značenje

and made her travail into a crucial identity.

i svoje nedaće pretvorila u krucijalni identitet.

But if the people I met were less bitter than I'd anticipated

Ali ljudi koje sam upoznao

bili su neočekivano manje ogorčeni

about being in prison,

zbog boravka u zatvoru,

they were also less thrilled than I'd expected

također su bili i manje oduševljeni nego što sam očekivao

about the reform process going on in their country.

oko procesa reforme koji se događa

u njihovoj zemlji.

Ma Thida said,

Ma Thida je rekla,

"We Burmese are noted for our tremendous grace under pressure,

"Mi Burmanci poznati smo

po našoj nevjerojatnoj gracioznosti pod pritiskom,

but we also have grievance under glamour."

ali i našim "glamuroznim" trpljenjem,"

She said, "And the fact that there have been these shifts and changes

rekla je, "i činjenica da postoje

ovi pomaci i promjene

doesn't erase the continuing problems in our society

ne briše stalne probleme

našeg društva

koje smo naučili vidjeti tako dobro

that we learned to see so well while we were in prison."

dok smo bili u zatvoru."

I understood her to be saying

I shvatio sam da je govorila

that concessions confer only a little humanity

kako ustupci donose samo malo humanosti,

gdje je potpuna humanost potrebna,

where full humanity is due;

that crumbs are not the same as a place at the table.

da mrvice nisu iste

kao mjesto za stolom,

Which is to say,

što govori da možete lažirati značenje

you can forge meaning and build identity

i graditi identitet i još uvijek biti strašno ljuti.

and still be mad as hell.

I've never been raped,

Nikad me nisu silovali,

and I've never been in anything remotely approaching a Burmese prison.

i nikad nisam bio u ničem približno

kao što je burmanski zatvor,

ali kao gej Amerikanac,

But as a gay American,

iskusio sam predrasude i čak i mržnju,

I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,

i lažirao sam značenje i izgradio identitet,

and I've forged meaning

and I've built identity,

which is a move I learned from people

što je potez koji sam naučio od ljudi

who had experienced far worse privation than I've ever known.

koji su iskusili mnogo veću oskudicu

nego što sam ja ikad poznavao.

U svojoj adolescenciji,

In my own adolescence,

I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.

išao sam u ekstreme kako bih bio "straight".

Prijavio sam se na nešto što se zove

I enrolled myself in something called "sexual surrogacy therapy,"

terapija seksualnim surogatom,

in which people I was encouraged to call doctors

u kojem su mi ljudi koje sam trebao zvati liječnicima

prepisivali nešto što sam trebao nazivati vježbe

prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises

sa ženama koje sam trebao nazvati surogatima,

with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,

who were not exactly prostitutes

koje nisu bile baš prostitutke

ali nisu baš bile ni išta drugo.

but who were also not exactly anything else.

(Smijeh)

(Laughter)

My particular favorite was a blonde woman from the Deep South

Meni najdraža

bila je plavuša s Juga

who eventually admitted to me that she was really a necrophiliac,

koja mi je priznala

da je zapravo nekrofil

and had taken this job after she got in trouble

i da je prihvatila ovaj posao nakon što je upala u nevolje

down at the morgue.

u mrtvačnici.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

These experiences eventually allowed me to have

Ova iskustva su mi dozvolila da imam

some happy physical relationships with women,

neke sretne fizičke odnose sa ženama,

for which I'm grateful.

za što sam zahvalan,

ali sam ratovao sam sa sobom,

But I was at war with myself,

and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.

i iskopao sam strašne rane u vlastitoj psihi.

We don't seek the painful experiences

Ne tražimo bolna iskustva

that hew our identities,

koja sijeku naš identitet,

but we seek our identities

ali tražimo identitet

kao posljedicu bolnih iskustava.

in the wake of painful experiences.

We cannot bear a pointless torment,

Ne možemo podnijeti besmisleno mučenje,

but we can endure great pain

ali možemo izdržati veliku bol

ako vjerujemo da ima smisla.

if we believe that it's purposeful.

Ease makes less of an impression on us

Lakoća ostavlja manji utisak na nas

than struggle.

nego borba.

We could have been ourselves without our delights,

Mogli smo biti ono što jesmo bez užitaka,

but not without the misfortunes that drive our search for meaning.

ali ne bez poteškoća

koje potiču našu potragu za značenjem.

"Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,"

"Zato, ja uživam u slabostima,"

napisao je Sv. Pavao u Drugoj poslanici Korinćanima,

St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,

"for when I am weak, then I am strong."

"jer kad sam slab, tada sam jak."

Godine 1988. išao sam u Moskvu

In 1988, I went to Moscow to interview artists

intervjuirati umjetnike Sovjetskog podzemlja,

of the Soviet underground.

I očekivao sam da će njihov rad biti

I expected their work to be dissident and political.

disidentski i politički.

But the radicalism in their work

Ali radikalizam njihovih radova ležao je

actually lay in reinserting humanity into a society

u ponovnom uvođenju čovječnosti u društvo

that was annihilating humanity itself,

koje je samo uništavalo čovječnost,

as, in some senses, Russian society is now doing again.

kao što, u nekom smislu, rusko društvo

to ponovno čini.

Jedan od umjetnika koje sam upoznao rekao mi je,

One of the artists I met said to me,

"We were in training to be not artists but angels."

"Ne treniramo da bismo bili umjetnici već anđeli".

Godine 1991. vratio sam se da posjetim umjetnike

In 1991, I went back to see the artists I'd been writing about,

o kojima sam pisao,

and I was with them during the putsch that ended the Soviet Union.

i bio sam s njima za vrijeme puča

koji je srušio Sovjetski Savez,

i bili su jedni od glavnih organizatora

And they were among the chief organizers of the resistance to that putsch.

otpora tome puču.

And on the third day of the putsch,

I trećeg dana puča,

one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.

jedan od njih predložio je da prošetamo do Smolenskaje.

And we went there,

I otišli smo tamo,

i smjestili se ispred jedne od barikada,

and we arranged ourselves in front of one of the barricades,

i malo kasnije,

and a little while later,

a column of tanks rolled up.

kolona tenkova se dovezla,

And the soldier on the front tank said,

i vojnik na prvom tenku rekao je,

"Imamo bezuvjetne naredbe

"We have unconditional orders to destroy this barricade.

da uništimo ovu barikadu.

Ako se sklonite,

If you get out of the way, we don't need to hurt you.

nema potrebe da vas ozlijedimo,

ali ako se nećete maknuti, nemamo izbora,

But if you won't move, we'll have no choice but to run you down."

morat ćemo vas pregaziti."

The artist I was with said, "Give us just a minute.

I umjetnici s kojima sam bio rekli su,

"Dajte nam minutu.

Samo minutu da vam kažemo zašto smo ovdje."

Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."

And the soldier folded his arms,

Vojnik je prekrižio ruke,

and the artist launched into a Jeffersonian panegyric to democracy

a umjetnik je započeo jeffersonski hvalospjev demokraciji

kakav bismo mi koji živimo

such as those of us who live in a Jeffersonian democracy

u jeffersonskoj demokraciji

would be hard-pressed to present.

teško mogli izložiti.

And they went on and on,

I pričali su i pričali,

and the soldier watched.

i vojnik je gledao,

And then he sat there for a full minute after they were finished

i onda je sjedio ondje punu minutu

nakon što su završili

i gledao u nas mokre na kiši,

and looked at us, so bedraggled in the rain,

and said, "What you have said is true,

i rekao, "Ono što ste rekli je istina,

and we must bow to the will of the people.

i moramo se pokloniti volji ljudi.

Ako raščistite dovoljno prostora da se okrenemo,

If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around,

we'll go back the way we came."

vratit ćemo se odakle smo došli."

I to su i učinili.

And that's what they did.

Sometimes, forging meaning can give you the vocabulary you need

Ponekad, lažiranje značenja

može vam dati vokabular koji trebate

da bi se borili za svoju konačnu slobodu.

to fight for your ultimate freedom.

Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion

Rusija mi je pokazala sladunjavu ideju

that oppression breeds the power to oppose it.

da opresija stvara snagu koja će joj se suprotstaviti,

And I gradually understood that as the cornerstone of identity.

i postupno sam to shvatio kao kamen temeljac

identiteta.

Bio je potreban identitet da me spasi od tuge.

It took identity to rescue me from sadness.

The gay rights movement posits a world

Pokret za prava homoseksualaca postavlja svijet

in which my aberrances are a victory.

gdje moja zastranjivanja postaju pobjede.

Identity politics always works on two fronts:

Politika identiteta uvijek djeluje dvojako:

to give pride to people who have a given condition or characteristic,

daje osjećaj ponosa ljudima s određenim stanjem

ili karakteristikom,

and to cause the outside world to treat such people

i potiče svijet

da tretira takve ljude puno nježnije i ljubaznije.

more gently and more kindly.

Ovo su dva potpuno odvojena nastojanja,

Those are two totally separate enterprises,

but progress in each sphere reverberates in the other.

ali napredak u bilo kojoj od tih sfera

odražava se na drugu.

Identity politics can be narcissistic.

Politika identiteta može biti narcisoidna.

People extol a difference only because it's theirs.

Ljudi veličaju razliku samo zato što je njihova.

People narrow the world and function in discrete groups

Ljudi sužavaju svijet i funkcioniranje

u diskretnim grupama bez suosjećanja za druge.

without empathy for one another.

No, pravilno razumijevanje

But properly understood and wisely practiced,

i mudro prakticiranje

identity politics should expand our idea of what it is to be human.

politike identiteta trebalo bi proširiti

našu ideju onoga što znači biti čovjek.

Identitet sam po sebi

Identity itself should be not a smug label or a gold medal,

ne bi trebao biti samodopadna odlika

ili zlatna medalja

but a revolution.

već revolucija.

I would have had an easier life if I were straight,

Imao bih puno lakši život da sam "straight",

but I would not be me.

ali to ne bih bio ja,

And I now like being myself better

i sada više volim biti ja

than the idea of being someone else,

nego netko drugi,

netko tko, zapravo,

someone who, to be honest,

I have neither the option of being nor the ability fully to imagine.

nemam ni opciju biti

niti mogućnost da u potpunosti zamislim.

But if you banish the dragons, you banish the heroes,

Ali ako prognate zmajeve,

prognat ćete junake,

and we become attached to the heroic strain in our own lives.

i postajemo privrženi

herojskoj crti u našim vlastitim životima.

I've sometimes wondered

Ponekada sam se pitao

whether I could have ceased to hate that part of myself

bih li mogao prestati mrziti taj dio sebe

without gay pride's technicolor fiesta,

bez šarene proslave gej pridea,

of which this speech is one manifestation.

čija je manifestacija i ovaj govor.

(Laughter)

I used to think I would know myself to be mature

Mislio sam da ću biti zreo

when I could simply be gay without emphasis.

kada budem jednostavno mogao biti gej bez naglašavanja,

But the self-loathing of that period left a void,

ali samoprijezir tog razdoblja ostavio je prazninu,

and celebration needs to fill and overflow it,

i proslava je mora napuniti i preplaviti,

and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy,

i čak i ako otplatim svoj privatni dug melankolije,

there's still an outer world of homophobia

još uvijek postoji vanjski svijet homofobije

that it will take decades to address.

za koji će trebati desetljeća da se prozove.

Someday, being gay will be a simple fact,

Jednoga dana, biti gej bit će jednostavna činjenica,

free of party hats and blame.

bez ikakvih šarenih šeširića i krivice,

But not yet.

ali ne još.

Moj prijatelj koji je mislio da se gej pride

A friend of mine who thought gay pride was getting very carried away with itself,

poprilično zanio sam sobom,

once suggested that we organize Gay Humility Week.

jednom je predložio da organiziramo

Tjedan Gej Poniznosti.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh) (Pljesak)

(Applause)

It's a great idea.

To je super ideja,

(Laughter)

ali njeno vrijeme još nije došlo.

But its time has not yet come.

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

And neutrality, which seems to lie halfway between despair and celebration,

I neutralnost, koja, čini se, leži

na pola puta između očaja i slavlja,

is actually the endgame.

je zapravo završna igra.

In 29 states in the US,

U 29 američkih država,

legalno bih mogao dobiti otkaz ili bi mi mogao biti odbijen smještaj

I could legally be fired or denied housing

for being gay.

zato što sam gej.

In Russia, the anti-propaganda law

U Rusiji, zakon o anti-propagandi

doveo je do toga da su ljude tukli na ulici.

has led to people being beaten in the streets.

Dvadeset i sedam afričkih zemalja

Twenty-seven African countries have passed laws against sodomy.

donijele su zakone protiv sodomije,

a u Nigeriji, gej ljudi mogu legalno

And in Nigeria, gay people can legally be stoned to death,

biti kamenovani do smrti,

and lynchings have become common.

i linčevi su postali uobičajeni.

In Saudi Arabia recently,

U Saudijskoj Arabiji nedavno, dva muškarca

two men who had been caught in carnal acts

koje su uhvatili u tjelesnom činu,

were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each,

osuđeni su na 7000 udaraca bičem,

i kao posljedica toga, sada su trajno invalidi.

and are now permanently disabled as a result.

So who can forge meaning

I tko može lažirati značenje

and build identity?

i graditi identitet?

Gej prava nisu primarno pravo na brak,

Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,

and for the millions who live in unaccepting places

i za milijune onih koji žive na mjestima koja ih ne prihvaćaju

with no resources,

bez resursa,

dignity remains elusive.

dostojanstvo ostaje nedostižno.

Sretan sam što sam lažirao značenje

I am lucky to have forged meaning

i izgradio identitet,

and built identity,

ali to je još uvijek rijetka privilegija,

but that's still a rare privilege.

And gay people deserve more, collectively,

i gej ljudi zaslužuju više kolektivno

than the crumbs of justice.

od mrvica pravde.

And yet,

A ipak, svaki korak naprijed

every step forward is so sweet.

je tako sladak.

In 2007, six years after we met,

U 2007., šest godina nakon upoznavanja,

my partner and I decided to get married.

moj partner i ja odlučili

smo stupiti u brak.

Meeting John had been the discovery of great happiness

Upoznati Johna bilo je otkriće

velike sreće

and also the elimination of great unhappiness.

i otklanjanje velike tuge,

And sometimes, I was so occupied with the disappearance of all that pain,

i ponekad sam bio toliko okupiran

nestankom sve te boli

that I forgot about the joy,

da sam zaboravio na radost,

što je isprva bio manje dojmljiv dio toga za mene.

which was at first the less remarkable part of it to me.

Marrying was a way to declare our love

Brak je bio način da izrazimo našu ljubav

as more a presence than an absence.

više kao prisutnost nego odsustvo.

Marriage soon led us to children,

Brak nas je uskoro doveo do djece,

and that meant new meanings

i to je dovelo do novih značenja

and new identities -- ours and theirs.

i novih identiteta, naših i njihovih.

I want my children to be happy,

Želim da moja djeca budu sretna,

and I love them most achingly when they are sad.

i najviše ih volim kada su tužna.

As a gay father, I can teach them to own what is wrong in their lives,

Kao gej roditelj, mogu ih naučiti

da prihvate ono što je krivo u njihovim životima,

but I believe that if I succeed in sheltering them from adversity,

ali vjerujem da ako ih uspijem

zaštiti od raznovrsnosti,

I will have failed as a parent.

podbacit ću kao roditelj.

A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me

Budistički učenjak kojeg poznajem jednom mi je objasnio

that Westerners mistakenly think

da Zapadnjaci pogrešno misle

da je nirvana nešto što stiže

that nirvana is what arrives when all your woe is behind you,

kada su sve brige iza tebe

and you have only bliss to look forward to.

i da te očekuje samo sreća.

Ali rekao je da to ne bi bila nirvana,

But he said that would not be nirvana,

because your bliss in the present

jer vaša trenutna sreća

uvijek bi bila u sjeni vaše radosti iz prošlosti.

would always be shadowed by the joy from the past.

Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at

Nirvana je, kaže, kada dođete do toga

when you have only bliss to look forward to

da imate samo sreću kojoj ćete se veseliti

i kada u onome što su bile tuge

and find in what looked like sorrows the seedlings of your joy.

pronađete sadnice vaše sreće.

And I sometimes wonder

I ponekad se pitam

bih li mogao pronaći takvo ispunjenje

whether I could have found such fulfillment in marriage and children

u braku i djeci

if they'd come more readily,

da su došli spremniji,

da sam bio "straight" u mladosti ili da sam sada mlad,

if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now,

kada bi to, u oba slučaja, bilo lakše.

in either of which cases this might be easier.

Perhaps I could.

Možda bih mogao.

Možda bi moja složena zamišljanja

Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done

could have been applied to other topics.

mogla biti primijenjena na druge teme.

But if seeking meaning matters more than finding meaning,

Ali ako traženje značenja

znači više od njegova pronalaska,

pitanje nije bih li bio sretniji

the question is not whether I'd be happier for having been bullied,

što su me zlostavljali,

but whether assigning meaning to those experiences

već je li pridavanje značenja

tim iskustvima

has made me a better father.

mene učinilo boljim ocem.

I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys,

Ekstazu pronalazim skrivenu u običnim radostima,

because I did not expect those joys to be ordinary to me.

jer nisam očekivao da će te radosti

biti obične za mene.

Znam mnoge heteroseksualce koji imaju

I know many heterosexuals who have equally happy marriages and families,

jednako sretne brakove i obitelji,

but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh,

ali gej brak je tako svjež,

i gej obitelji su toliko uzbudljivo nove,

and gay families so exhilaratingly new,

and I found meaning in that surprise.

i pronašao sam značenje u tom iznenađenju.

In October, it was my 50th birthday,

U listopadu sam navršio pedeset godina,

i moja obitelj organizirala je zabavu za mene,

and my family organized a party for me.

And in the middle of it, my son said to my husband

i u sred zabave,

moj sin rekao je mom suprugu

that he wanted to make a speech.

da želi održati govor,

i John je rekao,

And John said,

"George, ti ne možeš održati govor. Imaš četiri godine."

"George, you can't make a speech. You're four."

(Laughter)

(Smijeh)

"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I are going to make speeches tonight."

"Samo djed, i ujak David i ja

održat ćemo govore večeras."

But George insisted and insisted,

Ali George je inzistirao i inzistirao,

and finally, John took him up to the microphone,

i John ga je najzad podigao do mikrofona,

and George said very loudly,

i George je rekao vrlo glasno,

"Ladies and gentlemen!

"Dame i gospodo,

May I have your attention, please?"

mogu li dobiti vašu pozornost, molim vas."

And everyone turned around, startled.

I svi su se okrenuli, zastrašeni.

I George je rekao,

And George said,

"I'm glad it's daddy's birthday.

"Drago mi je da je tatin rođendan.

I'm glad we all get cake.

Drago mi je da ćemo svi jesti tortu.

I tata, da si malen,

And Daddy, if you were little,

ja bih bio tvoj prijatelj."

I'd be your friend."

(Gasp)

And I thought -- (Applause)

I pomislio sam - Hvala ti.

Thank you.

Pomislio sam da sam dužan

I thought that I was indebted even to Bobby Finkel,

čak i Bobbyju Finkelu,

because all those earlier experiences

jer su me sva prijašnja iskustva

were what had propelled me to this moment,

dovela do tog trenutka,

and I was finally unconditionally grateful

i napokon sam bio bezuvjetno zahvalan

for a life I'd once have done anything to change.

za život koji sam jednom htio promijeniti pod svaku cijenu.

The gay activist Harvey Milk was once asked by a younger gay man

Gej aktivist Harvey Milk,

kada ga je mlađi gej muškarac upitao

what he could do to help the movement,

što može učiniti kako bi pomogao pokretu,

odgovorio je,

and Harvey Milk said,

"Go out and tell someone."

"Idi i reci nekome."

Uvijek postoji netko tko želi zaplijeniti

There's always somebody who wants to confiscate our humanity.

našu čovječnost,

i uvijek postoje priče koje je povrate.

And there are always stories that restore it.

If we live out loud,

Ako živimo glasno,

we can trounce the hatred,

možemo nadići mržnju

i proširiti svačije živote.

and expand everyone's lives.

Forge meaning.

Lažirajte značenje. Izgradite identitet.

Build identity.

Forge meaning.

Lažirajte značenje.

Build identity.

Izgradite identitet.

I onda pozovite svijet

And then invite the world to share your joy.

da dijeli vašu radost.

Thank you.

Hvala vam.

(Applause)

(Pljesak)

Thank you.

Hvala vam. (Pljesak)

(Applause)

Thank you.

Hvala vam. (Pljesak)

(Applause)

Thank you.

Hvala vam. (Pljesak)

(Applause)