How my dad's dementia changed my idea of death (and life) | Beth Malone

86,951 views ใƒป 2017-12-07

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์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฒˆ์—ญ: Oh Eunsue ๊ฒ€ํ† : Jihyeon J. Kim
00:12
I've been doing some thinking.
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์ €๋Š” ์ด๋Ÿฐ ์ƒ๊ฐ์„ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
00:16
I'm going to kill my dad.
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์ œ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฃฝ์ด๋ ค๊ณ ์š”.
00:19
I called my sister.
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์ž๋งค์—๊ฒŒ ์ „ํ™”๋ฅผ ํ–ˆ์–ด์š”.
00:20
"Listen,
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"์žˆ์ž–์•„,
00:21
I've been doing some thinking.
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์ƒ๊ฐ์„ ์ข€ ํ•ด๋ดค๋Š”๋ฐ
00:24
I'm going to kill Dad.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฃฝ์—ฌ์•ผ๊ฒ ์–ด.
00:27
I'm going to take him to Oregon,
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์˜ค๋ ˆ๊ณค์œผ๋กœ ๋ชจ์‹œ๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์„œ
00:30
find some heroin,
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ํ—ค๋กœ์ธ์„ ๊ตฌํ•ด์„œ
00:32
and give it to him."
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€ํ•œํ…Œ ์ฃผ์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ๋†“์„ ๊ฑฐ์•ผ.
00:34
My dad has frontotemporal lobe dementia,
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์ „๋‘์ธก๋‘์—ฝ ์น˜๋งค๋ฅผ ์•“๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:36
or FTD.
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ํ˜น์€ FTD๋ผ๊ณ ๋„ ํ•˜์ฃ .
00:38
It's a confusing disease that hits people in their 50s or 60s.
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50~60๋Œ€์— ๋ฐœ๋ณ‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์น˜๋งค์˜ ์ผ์ข…์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:41
It can completely change someone's personality,
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์„ฑ๊ฒฉ์ด ์™„์ „ํžˆ ๋ณ€ํ•ด๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ๊ณ 
00:44
making them paranoid and even violent.
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ํŽธ์ง‘์ฆ์ƒ๊ณผ ํญ๋ ฅ์„ฑ๊นŒ์ง€ ๋ณด์ด๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:47
My dad's been sick for a decade,
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์ œ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” 10๋…„ ์งธ ํˆฌ๋ณ‘ ์ค‘์ธ๋ฐ
00:49
but three years ago he got really sick,
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3๋…„ ์ „ ๊ธ‰๊ฒฉํžˆ ์•ˆ ์ข‹์•„์กŒ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:51
and we had to move him out of his house --
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์ €ํฌ ๊ฐ€์กฑ์€ ๋” ์ด์ƒ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ง‘์—์„œ ๋Œ๋ณผ ์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:54
the house that I grew up in,
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๊ทธ ์ง‘์—์„œ ์ „ ์–ด๋ฆฐ ์‹œ์ ˆ์„ ๋ณด๋ƒˆ๊ณ 
00:56
the house that he built with his own hands.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ป˜์„œ ์ง์ ‘ ์ง€์€ ์ง‘์ด๊ธฐ๋„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:59
My strapping, cool dad with the falsetto singing voice
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๊ฑด๊ฐ•ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ฉ‹์ง€๊ณ  ๊ฐ€์„ฑ์˜ ๋ชฉ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๋ฅผ ์ง€๋‹Œ
01:04
had to move into a facility for round-the-clock care
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ 24์‹œ๊ฐ„ ์˜๋ฃŒ์ง„์ด ๋Œ€๊ธฐํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š”
01:06
when he was just 65.
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์‹œ์„ค๋กœ ์˜ฎ๊ฒจ์•ผ๋งŒ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์•„๋ฒ„์ง€ ๋‚˜์ด๊ฐ€ ๊ฒจ์šฐ 65์„ธ ๋•Œ ์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:10
At first my mom and sisters and I made the mistake
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์ฒ˜์Œ์—๋Š” ์ €ํฌ ๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค์€ ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:13
of putting him in a regular nursing home.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ผ๋ฐ˜ ์š”์–‘์›์— ๋ชจ์‹  ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
01:16
It was really pretty;
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์š”์–‘์›์€ ์•„์ฃผ ์ข‹์€ ๊ณณ์ด์—ˆ์ฃ .
01:17
it had plush carpet and afternoon art classes
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๊ณ ๊ธ‰ ์นดํŽ˜ํŠธ๊ฐ€ ๊น”๋ ค์žˆ๊ณ  ์˜คํ›„์—๋Š” ์˜ˆ์ˆ  ์ˆ˜์—…๋„ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:20
and a dog named Diane.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹ค์ด์•ค์ด๋ผ๋Š” ๋ฐ˜๋ ค๊ฒฌ๋„ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:23
But then I got a phone call.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ค ์ „ ์ „ํ™”๋ฅผ ํ•œ ํ†ต ๋ฐ›์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:26
"Ms. Malone, we've arrested your father."
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"๋ง๋ก ์”จ, ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฒดํฌํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."
01:30
"What?"
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"๋ญ๋ผ๊ณ ์š”?"
01:32
"Well, he threatened everybody with cutlery.
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"์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ์‹๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋“ค๊ณ  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค ์ „๋ถ€ ์ฃฝ์ด๊ฒ ๋‹ค๊ณ  ํ˜‘๋ฐ•ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:36
And then he yanked the curtains off the wall,
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๋ฒฝ์— ์žˆ๋Š” ์ปคํŠผ์„ ์ „๋ถ€ ๋œฏ์–ด๋ƒˆ๊ณ ์š”.
01:39
and then he tried to throw plants out the window.
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ํ™”๋ถ„๊นŒ์ง€ ์ฐฝ ๋ฐ–์œผ๋กœ ๋˜์ง€๋ ค๊ณ  ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:42
And then, well, he pulled all the old ladies out of their wheelchairs."
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์ทฐ์ฒด์–ด์— ์•‰์•„์žˆ๋Š” ๋…ธ๋…„ ์—ฌ์„ฑ๋“ค์„ ๋Œ์–ด๋‚ด๋ฆฌ๊ธฐ๊นŒ์ง€ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:49
"All the old ladies?"
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"๋…ธ๋…„ ์—ฌ์„ฑ๋“ค ์ „๋ถ€์š”?
01:50
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
01:51
"What a cowboy."
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"์™„์ „ ์นด์šฐ๋ณด์ด๋„ค์š”"
01:53
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
01:54
After he got kicked out of there,
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๊ทธ ์š”์–‘์›์—์„œ ์ซ“๊ฒจ๋‚˜๊ณ  ๋‚˜์„œ
01:56
we bounced him between a bunch of state-run facilities
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์ฃผ์ •๋ถ€ ์š”์–‘์‹œ์„ค ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๊ตฐ๋ฐ๋ฅผ ์˜ฎ๊ฒจ๋‹ค๋…€์•ผ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:59
before finding a treatment center specifically for people with dementia.
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์น˜๋งคํ™˜์ž๋ฅผ ์ „๋ฌธ์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ๋ณด๋Š”
์น˜๋ฃŒ์„ผํ„ฐ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์„ ๋•Œ๊นŒ์ง€ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
์ฒ˜์Œ์—๋Š” ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋„ ๋งˆ์Œ์— ๋“ค์–ดํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:03
At first, he kind of liked it,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์‹œ๊ฐ„์ด ์ง€๋‚ ์ˆ˜๋ก ๊ฑด๊ฐ•์ด ์•…ํ™”๋˜์—ˆ๊ณ 
02:05
but over time his health declined,
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02:07
and one day I walked in
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ฐฉ๋ฌธํ•œ ๋‚ 
02:08
and found him sitting hunched over on the ground wearing a onesie --
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ์šฐ์ฃผ๋ณต๊ฐ™์€ ์˜ท์„ ์ž…๊ณ  ๋ฐ”๋‹ฅ์— ์›…ํฌ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•‰์•„ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:12
those kinds of outfits that zip in the back.
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๋’ค์— ์ง€ํผ๊ฐ€ ๋‹ฌ๋ฆฐ ๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ์ข…๋ฅ˜์˜ ์˜ท์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:17
I watched him for about an hour as he yanked at it,
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ํ•œ ์‹œ๊ฐ„ ์ •๋„ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ์˜ท์„ ์žก์•„ ๋œฏ๋Š” ๊ฑธ ๋ณด๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์˜ท์„ ๋ฒ—์œผ๋ ค๊ณ  ์• ๋ฅผ ์“ฐ๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:21
trying to find a way out of this thing.
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02:24
And it's supposed to be practical,
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์ด ์˜ท์€ ์‹ค์šฉ์„ฑ์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ์ž…๋Š” ์˜ท์ธ๋ฐ
02:26
but to me it looked like a straightjacket.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ณด๊ธฐ์—” ๊ตฌ์†๋ณต์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋ณด์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:29
And so I ran out.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋„๋ง์ณ ๋‚˜์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:32
I left him there.
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๊ทธ ๊ณณ์— ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ๋‚จ๊ฒจ ๋‘์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:35
I sat in my truck -- his old truck --
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์ œ ํŠธ๋Ÿญ, ์‹ค์€ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ํƒ€๋˜ ํŠธ๋Ÿญ์— ์›…ํฌ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•‰์•„์„œ
02:37
hunched over,
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๋ฐฐ ์† ๊นŠ์ด ๋Œ์–ด์˜ค๋ฅด๋Š” ์ฐฝ์ž๊ฐ€ ๋Š์–ด์ง€๋Š” ์šธ์Œ์ด ๋‚˜์™”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:39
this really deep guttural cry coming out of the pit of my belly.
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02:43
I just couldn't believe that my father,
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์ €๋Š” ์ •๋ง ๋ฏฟ๊ธฐ ์–ด๋ ค์› ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์ œ ์–ด๋ฆฐ ์‹œ์ ˆ์˜ ์•„๋„๋‹ˆ์Šค์˜€๊ณ 
02:47
the Adonis of my youth,
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02:50
my really dear friend,
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์ œ ์ ˆ์นœํ•œ ์นœ๊ตฌ์˜€๋˜ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€
02:53
would think that this kind of life was worth living anymore.
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์ด๋Ÿฐ ์‚ถ์ด ์‚ด์•„๊ฐˆ ๊ฐ€์น˜๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋‹ค๊ณ 
์ƒ๊ฐํ•  ๊ฑฐ๋ผ๋Š” ๊ฑธ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
02:58
We're programmed to prioritize productivity.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์ƒ์‚ฐ์„ฑ์„ ์ตœ์šฐ์„  ํ•˜๋„๋ก ๋˜์–ด์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:02
So when a person -- an Adonis in this case --
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๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€, ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ๋Š” ์•„๋„๋‹ˆ์Šค๊ฐ€ ํ•ด๋‹น๋˜์ฃ .
๊ทธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ ์ฃผ์–ด์ง„ ๊ธฐ๋Œ€์— ๋” ์ด์ƒ ๋ถ€ํ•ฉํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋‹ค๋ฉด
03:06
is no longer productive in the way we expect him to be,
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03:09
the way that he expects himself to be,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์Šค์Šค๋กœ ์ž์‹ ์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฐ”๋ผ๋Š” ๋ฐ”๋Œ€๋กœ ์‚ด ์ˆ˜ ์—†๋‹ค๋ฉด
03:12
what value does that life have left?
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๊ทธ ์‚ถ์—์„œ ๋‚จ์•„์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ€์น˜๋Š” ๋ญ˜๊นŒ์š”?
03:15
That day in the truck,
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๊ทธ ๋‚  ์ œ๊ฐ€ ํŠธ๋Ÿญ์— ์•‰์•„์„œ ๋“ค์—ˆ๋˜ ์ƒ๊ฐ์€ ์ œ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€
03:17
all I could imagine was that my dad was being tortured
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๊ณ ๋ฌธ์„ ๋‹นํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:21
and his body was the vessel of that torture.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์˜ ์œก์‹ ์€ ๊ทธ ๊ณ ๋ฌธ์˜ ๋Œ€ํ˜• ์„ ๋ฐ•๊ณผ๋„ ๊ฐ™์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:26
I've got to get him out of that body.
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์ „ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ๊ทธ ์œก์‹ ์—์„œ ๊ตฌํ•ด์•ผ๋‚ด์•ผ๋งŒ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:28
I've got to get him out of that body; I'm going to kill Dad.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ๊ตฌํ•ด๋‚ด์•ผ๋งŒ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฃฝ์—ฌ์„œ ๋ง์ด์ฃ .
03:32
I call my sister.
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์ž๋งค์—๊ฒŒ ์ „ํ™”๋ฅผ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:35
"Beth," she said.
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"๋ฒ ์Šค" ์ž๋งค๊ฐ€ ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:40
"You don't want to live the rest of your life
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"๋‚จ์€ ํ‰์ƒ๋™์•ˆ ์‚ด๋ฉด์„œ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฃฝ์˜€๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฑธ
03:42
knowing that you killed your father.
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์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ ์‚ด๊ณ  ์‹ถ์ง€๋Š” ์•Š๊ฒ ์ง€.
03:44
And you'd be arrested I think,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•„๋งˆ ๋„ˆ ์ฒดํฌ๋  ๊ฑฐ์•ผ.
03:46
because he can't condone it.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ์šฉ๋‚ฉํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ํ…Œ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ.
03:48
And you don't even know how to buy heroin."
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ํ—ค๋กœ์ธ์„ ์–ด๋””์„œ ๊ตฌํ•˜๋Š”์ง€๋„ ๋ชจ๋ฅด์ž–์•„."
03:50
(Laughter)
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03:51
It's true, I don't.
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
๋งž์•„์š”, ๋ชฐ๋ผ์š”.
03:53
(Laughter)
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(์›ƒ์Œ)
์‚ฌ์‹ค ๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค์€ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์˜ ์ฃฝ์Œ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋งŽ์€ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ๋‚˜๋ˆ„์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:56
The truth is we talk about his death a lot.
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03:58
When will it happen? What will it be like?
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"์–ธ์ œ ๋Œ์•„๊ฐ€์‹ค๊นŒ, ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ๋Œ์•„๊ฐ€์‹ค๊นŒ?
04:00
But I wish that we would have talked about death when we were all healthy.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋ฐ”๋ž๋˜ ๊ฑด ๋ชจ๋‘๊ฐ€ ๊ฑด๊ฐ•ํ•  ๋•Œ ์ฃฝ์Œ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ๋‚˜๋ˆ„๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:04
What does my best death look like?
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๋‚˜์˜ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์ฃฝ์Œ์€ ์–ด๋–ค ๋ชจ์Šต์ผ๊นŒ์š”?
04:07
What does your best death look like?
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๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์ฃฝ์Œ์€ ์–ด๋–ค ๋ชจ์Šต์ผ๊นŒ์š”?
04:10
But my family didn't know to do that.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ €ํฌ ๊ฐ€์กฑ์€ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์•ผ ํ•˜๋Š”์ง€ ๋ชฐ๋ž์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:13
And my sister was right.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ž๋งค์˜ ๋ง์ด ๋งž์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:15
I shouldn't murder Dad with heroin,
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ํ—ค๋กœ์ธ์œผ๋กœ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฃฝ์—ฌ์„  ์•ˆ ๋˜์ฃ .
04:18
but I've got to get him out of that body.
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ „ ์ œ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ๊ณ ๋ฌธ์—์„œ ๊ตฌํ•ด๋‚ด์•ผ๋งŒ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:22
So I went to a psychic.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ „ ์‹ฌ๋ น์ˆ ์‚ฌ๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์•„๊ฐ”๊ณ 
04:24
And then a priest, and then a support group,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‹ ๋ถ€๋‹˜๋ฅผ ์ฐพ์•„๋ต™๊ณ  ์„œํฌํŠธ ๊ทธ๋ฃน์—๋„ ๊ฐ”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:26
and they all said the same thing:
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๋ชจ๋‘๋“ค ๋˜‘๊ฐ™์€ ๋ง์„ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:28
sometimes people hang on when they're worried about loved ones.
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์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ๊ฑฑ์ •๋  ๋•Œ ๋•Œ๋กœ๋Š” ๊ทธ ์ƒํ™ฉ์„ ๊ฒฌ๋ŽŒ ๋ƒ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:31
Just tell them you're safe, and it's OK to go when you're ready.
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์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์—๊ฒŒ ๊ฑฑ์ •ํ•  ํ•„์š”์—†์œผ๋‹ˆ ์ค€๋น„๊ฐ€ ๋˜๋ฉด ๋– ๋‚˜๋„ ๋œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•ด์ค๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:35
So I went to see Dad.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ „ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ๋ณด๋Ÿฌ ๊ฐ”์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:37
I found him hunched over on the ground in the onesie.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์šฐ์ฃผ๋ณต๊ฐ™์€ ์˜ท์„ ์ž…๊ณ  ๋ฐ”๋‹ฅ์— ์ญˆ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•‰์•„ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:40
He was staring past me and just kind of looking at the ground.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ๋ฉํ•˜๋‹ˆ ๋ฐ”๋‹ฅ์„ ๋ฐ”๋ผ๋ณด๊ณ  ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:43
I gave him a ginger ale
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์—๊ฒŒ ์ง„์ € ์—์ผ์„ ๋“œ๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:44
and just started talking about nothing in particular,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์†Œ์†Œํ•œ ์ผ์ƒ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:47
but as I was talking, he sneezed from the ginger ale.
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ์–˜๊ธฐํ•˜๋Š” ๋™์•ˆ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์ง„์ € ์—์ผ์— ๋Œ€๊ณ  ์ œ์ฑ„๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์žฌ์ฑ„๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜์ž ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ๋ชธ์„ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ์„ธ์› ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:52
And the sneeze -- it jerked his body upright,
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04:55
sparking him back to life a little bit.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋ฉด์„œ ์•ฝ๊ฐ„ ์ •์‹ ์ด ๋Œ์•„์˜ค๊ฒŒ ๋˜์—ˆ์ฃ .
04:57
And he just kept drinking and sneezing and sparking, over and over and over again
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณค ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” ์ง„์ €์—์ผ์„ ๋งˆ์‹œ๊ณ 
์žฌ์ฑ„๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ •์‹ ์ด ๋Œ์•„์˜ค๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ฐ˜๋ณตํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:02
until it stopped.
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๋ฉˆ์ถœ ๋•Œ๊นŒ์ง€ ๊ณ„์† ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:05
And I heard,
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์†Œ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋“ค๋ ธ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:07
"Heheheheheh,
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ํžˆํžˆํžˆํžˆํžˆํžˆ
05:09
heheheheheh ...
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ํžˆํžˆํžˆํžˆํžˆํžˆ
์ด๊ฑฐ ์ •๋ง ์ข‹์€๋ฐ.
05:12
this is so fabulous.
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05:15
This is so fabulous."
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"์ด๊ฑฐ ์ •๋ง ์ข‹์€๋ฐ."
05:18
His eyes were open and he was looking at me,
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ๋ˆˆ์„ ๋œจ๊ณ  ์ €๋ฅผ ๋ฐ”๋ผ๋ณด์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:21
and I said, "Hi, Dad!"
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ €๋Š” ๋งํ–ˆ์ฃ  "์•ˆ๋…•, ์•„๋น !"
์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋„ "์•ˆ๋…•, ๋ฒ ์Šค" ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:23
and he said, "Hiya, Beth."
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05:27
And I opened my mouth to tell him, right?
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์ €๋Š” ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์—๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด ์ž…์„ ์—ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:29
"Dad, if you want to die, you can die.
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"์•„๋น , ๋– ๋‚˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ๋‹ค๋ฉด, ๋– ๋‚˜๋„ ๋ผ.
05:32
We're all OK."
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๊ฐ€์กฑ๋“ค ๋ชจ๋‘ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•„."
05:33
But as I opened my mouth to tell him,
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ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์—๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•˜๋ ค๊ณ  ์ž…์„ ์—ด์—ˆ์„ ๋•Œ
05:35
all I could say was, "Dad!
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์ œ๊ฐ€ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์—ˆ๋˜ ๋ง์€
"์•„๋น , ๋ณด๊ณ  ์‹ถ์—ˆ์–ด" ์˜€์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:40
I miss you."
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05:42
And then he said, "Well, I miss you, too."
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ์ž ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋Š” "๋‚˜๋„ ๋ณด๊ณ  ์‹ถ์—ˆ์–ด" ๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:44
And then I just fell over because I'm just a mess.
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์ „ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์—‰๋ง์ด๋ผ ๋ฌด๋„ˆ์ง€๊ณ  ๋ง์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:47
So I fell over and I sat there with him
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์™€ ํ•จ๊ป˜ ๊ทธ ๊ณณ์— ํ•จ๊ป˜ ์•‰์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
05:52
because for the first time in a long time he seemed kind of OK.
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์™œ๋ƒ๋ฉด ์ฐธ์œผ๋กœ ์˜ค๋žœ ๋งŒ์— ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•„ ๋ณด์˜€๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:56
And I memorized his hands,
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์ „ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์˜ ์†์„ ์ฐฌ์ฐฌํžˆ ์‚ดํˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์•„์ง๊นŒ์ง€ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์˜ ์œก์‹ ์— ์ •์‹ ์ด ๋‚จ์•„์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒŒ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด๋‚˜ ๊ฐ์‚ฌํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:59
feeling so grateful that his spirit was still attached to his body.
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06:05
And in that moment I realized
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„ ์ „ ๊นจ๋‹ฌ์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๋ฅผ ์ฑ…์ž„์งˆ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์€ ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:08
I'm not responsible for this person.
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06:11
I'm not his doctor,
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์ „ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์˜ ๋‹ด๋‹น์˜๋„ ์•„๋‹ˆ๊ณ  ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์˜ ์–ด๋จธ๋‹ˆ๋„ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ฉฐ
06:13
I'm not his mother,
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06:15
I'm certainly not his God,
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๋ถ„๋ช… ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ๋ฏฟ๋Š” ์‹ ๋„ ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:17
and maybe the best way to help him and me
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์™€ ์ €๋ฅผ ๋„์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์ตœ์„ ์˜ ๊ธธ์€
์•„๋งˆ๋„ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์™€ ๋”ธ๋กœ์„œ์˜ ์—ญํ• ์„ ๋‹ค์‹œ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ผ ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:21
is to resume our roles as father and daughter.
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06:25
And so we just sat there,
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์™€ ์ „ ๊ทธ ๊ณณ์— ์•‰์•„์„œ
06:27
calm and quiet like we've always done.
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ํ•ญ์ƒ ๊ทธ๋žฌ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ์ฐจ๋ถ„ํ•˜๊ณ  ์กฐ์šฉํžˆ ์žˆ์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:30
Nobody was productive.
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์•„๋ฌด๋„ ์ƒ์‚ฐ์ ์ด์ง€ ์•Š์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:32
Both of us are still strong.
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์•„๋ฒ„์ง€์™€ ์ € ๋ชจ๋‘ ์—ฌ์ „ํžˆ ๊ฐ•์ธํ•œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:37
"OK, Dad. I'm going to go,
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"์•„๋น , ์ € ์ด์ œ ๊ฐ€์š”.
06:40
but I'll see you tomorrow."
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๋‚ด์ผ ๋‹ค์‹œ ์˜ฌ๊ฒŒ์š”."
06:43
"OK," he said.
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"๊ทธ๋ž˜,"์•„๋ฒ„์ง€๊ฐ€ ๋งํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:46
"Hey,
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"์• ์•ผ,
06:48
this is a pretty nice hacienda."
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ ๋†์žฅ์ด ์ •๋ง ์ข‹๋‹ค."
06:51
Thank you.
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๊ฐ์‚ฌํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:53
(Applause)
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(๋ฐ•์ˆ˜)
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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