4 things all great listeners know

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Zoe Walmsley

It's easy to tell when someone's not paying attention,

要看出一個人不專心很容易，

but it can be surprisingly tricky to know what truly excellent listening looks like.

但要看出真正出色的聆聽， 卻出乎意料的困難。

Behavioral scientists have found that good listening

行為科學家發現聆聽技巧非常重要，

is one of the most important things we can do to improve our relationships,

它能改善我們的人際關係、

develop our worldview, and potentially even change people's minds.

發展我們的世界觀，

甚至能改變人的心意。

So, what can we do to become better listeners?

那麼，要如何成為更好的聆聽者？

At its core, listening in a one-on-one conversation is about taking an interest

在一對一的談話中，

聆聽的核心是關注對方，

in another person and making them feel understood.

讓對方覺得被理解。

There’s no universally agreed upon definition of high-quality listening,

高品質聆聽並無放諸四海皆準的定義，

but some recurring features include attentiveness, conveying understanding,

但常出現的特點包括專注、傳達理解、

and showing a positive intention towards the speaker.

給予對方正面的善意。

This doesn’t mean you can simply go through the motions—

這並不表示你可以裝裝樣子就好——

researchers have found that merely smiling and nodding

研究人員發現，僅在語句 停頓時的微笑、點頭還不夠。

at set intervals doesn’t quite work.

However, there is something slightly performative about listening

然而，為了要展現出你真正在聆聽

in that it’s important to show you’re doing it.

有些動作難免看起來有點表演性質。

So, in addition to actively attending to a speaker’s words,

所以，除了積極專心聽進對方的話語，

good listeners also use questions and body language

好的聆聽者也會用問題以及肢體語言

that indicate their understanding and their desire to understand.

表達聽懂及傾聽的意願。

This might feel awkward at first,

一剛開始可能會有點怪，

and what’s most effective might depend on your relationship with the speaker.

至於怎麼做最有效 取決於你跟對方的關係；

But with time and practice you can internalize these basic behaviors.

這些技巧經過時間與練習

就會愈加自然純熟。

So let’s say a good friend wants to tell you about an issue

假設你的好友想跟你說 他跟另一半的問題。

they’re having with their partner.

Before even starting your conversation,

在談話開始前，

remove any distractions in the environment.

先排除掉可能讓你分心的事物：

Turn off the TV, take off your headphones and put your phone away— far away.

電視關掉，

耳機拿下，把手機放得遠遠地。

One study showed that even the visible presence of a phone

一項研究指出，單單 將手機放在視線範圍內，

made conversations feel less intimate and fulfilling to those involved.

就會讓對話的氛圍比較不融洽和滿足。

Once the conversation begins,

談話開始後，

one of the most important things you can do is also the most obvious—

最重要、也是最明顯的的事情之—……

try not to interrupt.

就是盡量別打斷對方。

This doesn’t mean you need to stay completely silent.

這並不是要你完全保持沉默，

But if you do interject, look for natural pauses

而是說如果你要插話， 就趁話語自動停歇處，

to ask open-ended questions that benefit the speaker,

用對方有興趣的開放式問題，

not just your curiosity.

而非只是滿足自己的好奇心。

Questions like “What happened next?” or “How did that make you feel?”

類似「然後呢？」、 「你的感受是？」等問題

confirm that you’re following the story while also helping the speaker

除了證明你有在傾聽，也有助於 對方深入他們的思緒。

dive deeper into their own thoughts.

Another great way to show your understanding is by summarizing

另一個讓對方知道你聽懂了的方法是

將你聽到的概述給對方， 並詢問是否有遺漏。

what you just heard and asking if you’ve missed anything.

Summaries like this show the speaker that you're truly trying to understand them

像這樣的概述能讓對方知道 你真的有在聆聽，

rather than just waiting for your turn to talk.

而不是等待換你說話的機會。

Speaking of which, while a good conversation requires back and forth,

說到這個，

雖然良好的對話少不了雙方互動，

planning out your response while the speaker is talking

如果你趁對方說話時構思你的回應，

is a common way to miss what’s being said.

就會很容易漏接對方所說的。

So try to stay present and if you lose focus,

所以試著專注在當下，

也別不好意思請發言者 重複你漏掉的部分。

don't be shy about asking the speaker to repeat what you missed.

This might feel embarrassing,

或許會有點尷尬，

but asking for clarification actually shows that you’re committed

但是請對方解釋 其實顯示你真的很投入，

to understanding.

想要弄清楚。

Finally, don’t be afraid of silence.

最後，別擔心沉默。

It’s okay to ask for a moment to formulate your response

你完全可以請對方讓你構思你的回應，

and taking a beat to think can help speakers reflect on their speech as well.

而且，你花一點時間思考時，

對方也能咀嚼之前自己所說的話。

These might seem like small changes, but together they make a big difference.

看起來都是小小的改變，

合起來卻有巨大的影響力。

And when people feel heard, they report more satisfaction,

而且人要在自己被聽進去後，

才感到人際關係中該有的 滿足、信任和連結感。

trust, and connection in their relationships.

In the workplace, employees who feel heard generally experience less burnout,

職場上，覺得自己有被聆聽的員工 一般來說倦怠感較低，

and perceive the managers who listened to them more favorably.

對懂得聆聽的主管印象也比較好。

Unfortunately, while it might be easy to listen to some people,

可惜的是，雖然聆聽某些人很容易，

it can be hard to muster all this focus and attention

但如果碰到你不認同或不喜歡的人，

if you disagree with or dislike the speaker.

就很難達到絕對的專注和注意。

But these situations might actually benefit most from your efforts

但這類情況可能更能幫助你

練習抱持開放的心態去聆聽。

to listen openly.

The theory of psychological reactance suggests that trying to force someone

心理抗拒理論說的是

當你試圖逼迫他人改變心意，

to change their mind makes them more likely to defend their point of view.

結果更可能是讓對方堅持立場。

However, recent studies suggest that high-quality listening fosters

無論如何，近期的研究指出

高品質的聆聽有助於保持開放的心態，

open-mindedness by creating a non-judgmental

因為它創造出一個不批判、 且讓人心安的環境。

and psychologically safe environment.

Of course, truly open-minded listening isn’t about changing people’s minds.

當然，真正心胸開闊的聆聽的重點 與改變他人想法無關。

Good listening is not the same as agreeing,

好的聆聽也不等同於去認同對方，

and conversations don’t have to end with a happy resolution.

對話不一定都要以開心的決議收場。

But even during a disagreement,

即使發生歧見，

sometimes being heard is enough to start a deeper conversation.

有時候只要有被聽見， 就能促進更深一層的對話。