Yossi Vardi: Help fight local warming

譯者: Marie Wu 審譯者: Terry Lin

We are going to talk today about the sequel of "Inconvenient Truth."

今天我們來講講「不願面對的真象」續集，

It's time again to talk about "Inconvenient Truth,"

現在該再來談談「不願面對的真象」，

a truth that everyone is concerned about,

一個大家都關心的真象，

but nobody is willing to talk about.

但是沒有人願意好好談談。

Somebody has to take the lead, and I decided to do it.

總有人得起個頭吧？就讓我來吧！

If you are scared by global warming,

如果你很害怕全球暖化，

wait until we learn about local warming.

那你可得更注意我待會兒要談的「自體暖化」。

We will talk today about local warming.

今天我們就來談談「自體暖化」。

Important health message: blogging may be hazardous to your health,

很重要的健康資訊：部落客該注意自己的健康，

especially if you are a male.

尤其是男性。

This message is given as a public service.

這是公開的資訊，

Blogging affects your posture. We start with the posture.

上網會影響你的姿勢。我們先看這個姿勢，

This is the posture of ladies who are not blogging;

這是沒有上網的女性的坐姿；

this is the posture of ladies who are blogging.

這是在上網的女性坐姿。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

This is the natural posture of a man sitting,

這是一般男性自然的坐姿，

squatting for ventilation purposes.

可以保持通風。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And this is the natural posture of a standing man,

這是一般男性自然的站姿，

and I think this picture inspired Chris to insert me

我想Chris應該是看到這張照片，

into the lateral thinking session.

才把我排進水平式思考的時段吧！

This is male blogging posture sitting, and the result is,

這是男性上網時的坐姿。原則上，

"For greater comfort,

「為保持舒適，

men naturally sit with their legs farther apart than women,

男人在坐的時候，通常會把雙腿張得比女性開。

when working on laptop.

但是在使用筆記型電腦時，

However, they will adopt a less natural posture

為了要保持平衡，

in order to balance it on their laps,

男性通常會採取較不自然的坐姿，

which resulted in a significant rise of body heat

這會造成雙腿間的體溫急速上升。」

between their thighs." This is the issue of local warming.

這就是我要說的「自體暖化」。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

This is a very serious newspaper; it's Times of England --

這是一份很嚴肅的報紙，這是英國時報--

very serious. This is a very --

這可不是開玩笑的！這是非常--

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

-- gentlemen and ladies, be serious.

-- 各位女士先生，認真點好嗎？

This is a very serious research, that you should read the underline.

這可是很嚴肅的研究，你們要注意看劃線的地方！

And be careful, your genes are in danger.

要注意！你的基因危險了！

Will geeks become endangered species?

愛上網的人會瀕臨絕種嗎？

The fact: population growth in countries with high laptop --

事實是：在高度使用筆記型電腦的國家，其人口成長率--(引述Hans Rosling的研究)

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I need Hans Rosling to give me a graph.

我要請Hans Rosling給我一張表。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

Global warming fun.

全球暖化更進一步...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

But let's keep things in proportion.

我們要看到問題背後的真象。

How to take care in five easy steps:

有五個簡易的保健方法，

first of all, you can use natural ventilation. You can use body breath.

第一，自然通風法，運用皮膚的呼吸，

You should stay cool with the appropriate clothing.

你可以穿上合適的衣物來保持涼爽。

You should care about your posture -- this is not right.

要注意姿勢 -- 這樣不對！

Can you extract from Chris another minute and a half for me,

你們可以請Chris再多給我一分半鐘嗎？

because I have a video I have to show you.

我得給你們看一段影片才行。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

You are great. This is the correct posture.

你們太棒了！這才是正確的姿勢。

Another benefit of Wi-Fi, we learned yesterday about the benefits of Wi-Fi.

這是WiFi的另一個好處，我們最近才發現的。

Wi-Fi enables you to avoid the processor. And there are some enhanced

使用WiFi你就不用帶著主機。我還想告訴你們

protection measures, which I would like to share with you,

其他幾個先進的保護措施，

and I would like, in a minute, to thank Philips for helping.

在這裡，我想花一點時間來感謝飛利浦的協助。

This is a research which was done in '86, but it's still valid.

這個研究是在1986年做的，但現在還是成立的！

Scrotal temperature reflects intratesticular temperature

陰囊的溫度就代表「那附近」的溫度，

and is lowered by shaving.

剃了毛之後，溫度就會降低。

By the way, I must admit, my English is not so good,

對了，我得承認我的英文不是很好，

I didn't know what is scrotal; I understand it's a scrotum.

我不知道陰囊得用scrotal(複數)，我只會用scrotum(單數)。

I guess in plural it's scrotal, like medium and media.

我猜這個字的複數變化，就像媒體的medium和media一樣吧。

Digital scrotum, digital media.

數位陰囊、數位媒體。

And only last year I recognized that I'm a proud scrotum owner.

直到去年，我才發現我多了一顆陰囊(意指終於知道要使用複數)

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And this research is being precipitated by the U.S. government,

這個研究是由美國政府贊助的，

so you can see that your tax man is working for good causes.

所以你就知道為什麼稅務員那麼努力工作了吧！

Video: Man: The Philips Bodygroom has a sleek,

影片：男人：飛利浦Bodygroom採取平滑、

ergonomic design for a safe and easy way to trim

符合人體工學的設計，可以讓你安全且簡單地

those scruffy underarm hairs, the untidy curls on and around your

修剪雜亂的腋毛、

[bleep], as well as the hard to reach locks on the underside of your

在 [嗶] 附近凌亂的捲毛、還有在 [嗶] 和 [嗶]下面難以清除的部位等。

[bleep] and [bleep]. Once you use the Bodygroom, the world looks different.

一旦使用了Bodygroom，世界就變得不一樣，

And so does your [bleep]. These days, with a hair-free back,

你的 [嗶] 也會不一樣。最近，我的背部變得清爽、

well-groomed shoulders and an extra optical inch on my [bleep],

腋下也整理乾淨、還有我的 [嗶] 也變得光溜溜，

well, let's just say life has gotten pretty darn cozy.

嗯，我只能說我的生活變得十分舒適。

Yossi Vardi: This is one of the most popular viral advertisement of last year,

Yossi Vardi: 這是去年度最受歡迎的醫學廣告 --

known as the optical inch by Philips. Let's applaud Philips --

大家都叫它「光溜溜的飛利浦」。讓我們為飛利浦鼓掌 --

(Applause)

(掌聲)

-- for this gesture for humanity.

-- 他們真的體貼人性。

And this is how they are promoting the product. This is --

這是他們的廣告，這真的是 --

I didn't touch it, this is original.

我可沒有動手腳哦，這是原版的。

Laptop use to solve overpopulation. And if everything failed,

筆記型電腦可以解決人口過多問題。如果東西壞了，

there are some secondary uses.

總還可以想出另一個用途。

And then our next talk, our next TED if you invite me

下一次演講，如果TED還邀請我來的話，

will be why you should not carry a cell phone in your pocket.

我的標題會是「不要把手機放在口袋裡」。

And this is what the young generation says.

這是現在年輕人的主張。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

And I just want to show you that I'm not just preaching,

我還得說，我可不是光說不練的人哦...

but I also practice.

我會身體力行...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

4 am in the morning.

凌晨四點...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

You cannot use this picture.

你們不可以使用這張照片。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

Now, I have some mini TED Prizes, this is the Philips Bodygroom,

我為你們準備了一些小禮物，就是飛利浦的Bodygroom，

one for our leader.

一個給我們的召集人，

(Applause)

(掌聲)

Anybody feels threatened, anybody really need it?

有人覺得很危險、需要這個的嗎？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Any lady, any lady? Thank you very much.

有女士需要嗎？女士？謝謝大家。

(Applause)

(掌聲)