How vulnerability makes you a better leader | Tracy Young

Transcriber: TED Translators Admin Reviewer: Joanna Pietrulewicz

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Helen Chang

My parents were refugees of communism.

我的父母是共產主義的難民。

Growing up, I watched my mom and dad

在成長過程中，我看著 爸媽做兩份全職工作

work two full-time jobs without ever complaining,

且從來不抱怨，

so my siblings and I could live a better life than they did.

為的是讓我們孩子 能過比他們更好的生活。

I was proud to be their daughter.

我很驕傲身為他們的女兒。 我也很了解我身分中的移民成份。

And I understood the immigrant part of my identity well.

The female part of my identity, however, was much harder for me to own.

但我卻比較難承認 我身分中的女性成份。

I never wanted to draw attention to my gender,

我從來不讓我的性別成為注意焦點，

because I was afraid I wouldn’t be taken seriously as a CEO.

因為我怕別人不會 認真看待我這個執行長。

So I focused my energy on the things that I thought were important,

所以我把我的精神專注投入到 我認為重要的事情上，

stuff like making my team laugh.

比如怎麼讓我的團隊笑。

I remember I would painstakingly write and rehearse jokes

我記得在每次全員會議之前，

我都會煞費苦心寫笑話及演練。

before every all-hands.

Or I'd be the first one in the office and the last one out,

或是我都會最早到 辦公室，最晚離開，

because I thought that these things mattered.

因為我以為這些事很重要。

When I was six months pregnant,

我懷胎六個月時，

one of our large competitors reached out, wanting to talk about acquiring us.

我們的大型競爭對手來聯絡，

想談收購我們的事。

Every startup wants the option to be bought,

所有新創公司都想要有 被買下的選項可選，

but it really got under my skin

但我卻被卻惹惱了，

when during conversations with these strangers

因為和這些陌生人交談時，

who I was negotiating with,

和我在協商的這些人，

their eyes would sometimes wander to my pregnant belly.

他們的視線有時會 遊走到我懷孕的肚子上。

I went into labor the same night of our user conference.

我在開使用者大會的 那個晚上開始分娩。

The weeks leading up to the event,

在為活動做準備的那幾週，

watching our team prepare for our big product unveiling,

看著我們的團隊準備 我們的重要產品揭幕式，

I wondered how many male CEOs would skip their own conference

我心中在納悶，有多少男性執行長

會因為自己的孩子出生 而錯過他們自己的大會。

for the birth of their child.

I assumed most would.

我猜大部分人都會。

But I kept reasoning with myself that if I wasn't pregnant,

但是我一直跟我自己講道理，

說如果我沒有懷孕，就根本 沒有我會不會出席的問題了。

there'd be no question whether I'd be there or not.

So I have to be there,

所以我必須在場，

forcing myself to parade my nine-month pregnancy,

強迫我自己去展示我九個月的身孕，

work the halls as hosts on my feet for 14 hours was a bad idea in hindsight.

我擔任主人，

在各廳站了十四個小時，

事後回頭看，實在是個爛主意。

The moment I arrived home, my water broke and my contractions started

我一回到家，羊水就破了，

陣痛也開始了，

and I wouldn't hear my son's first cry for another 32 hours.

且我到三十二小時後才聽到 我兒子的第一聲哭聲。

When my baby was six weeks old, I went back to work.

我的寶貝六個月大時， 我就回去工作了。

Our M and A had fallen through by then,

那時，我們的併購案沒有談成，

and I was determined to fundraise a war chest to fight them back.

我決心籌款以對抗他們。

But I was still bleeding from several tears in my vagina

但我還在流血，

為了把寶寶推出來， 我的陰道有許多撕裂傷。

from pushing out a baby.

To this day, I still ask myself

至今，我仍然會問我自己，

why I rushed back to work when I wasn't ready.

為什麼我都還沒準備好 就急著回去工作？

And I realize now it was because I was afraid.

現在我懂了，原因是我當時很害怕。

I was so afraid of what people might think of me

我很擔心別人會如何看待我

as a new mother and CEO.

這個新手媽媽及執行長。

I was afraid that they would think that my priorities had changed.

我怕他們會以為我的優先順序變了。

So I pressured myself into proving to everyone

所以我強迫我自己證明給大家看

that I was as dedicated to the company as ever.

我對公司的奉獻程度和以往一樣。

I would spend the next two months fundraising to secure our war chest.

在接下來的兩個月，我繼續 募款以穩固我們的戰爭基金。

I had a full schedule and I needed to pump milk,

我的行程滿檔，且我還得擠奶，

but I didn't have the courage to ask for 50 million dollars

但是我不敢

一邊要求五千萬美金，

and ask to use their mother's room.

一邊要求使用他們的哺乳室。

So how does one pump milk on Sand Hill Road?

所以，在沙丘路上要如何擠奶呢？

Well, I would park my car

我的做法是把我的車停在

in front of someone's super nice home in Palo Alto.

帕羅奧圖某個人超漂亮的房子前面。

I'd undress and extract milk from my breasts

我脫下衣服，

用矽膠手動吸乳器 把奶水從乳房取出。

with a silicone hand pump.

It worked out, I guess.

我想結果是事成了。

We secured a lead investor for our series C

我們為 C 系列找到了主要投資者，

and then our competitors came back with a revised offer,

接著，我們的競爭對手 帶著修改過的提案回來找我們，

and we decided to sell to them for 875 million dollars.

我們決定以八億七千五百萬 美金的價格賣給他們。

A few months after the acquisition I became pregnant for the second time.

收購案的幾個月後，我懷了第二胎。

And shortly after, I found out I had a miscarriage.

但不久後，我流產了。

While with my team ...

我和我的團隊在一起時……

I felt it slip out of me.

我感覺到它從我體內流出來。

I went to the bathroom ...

我到洗手間去……

and it fell to the floor.

它就掉到地上了。

I didn't know what to do,

我不知如何是好，

so I just walked back out to the team, pretending as if nothing happened.

我就回去找我的團隊， 假裝什麼事都沒有發生。

It took going through infertility, miscarriage,

我要經歷過了從不孕、

流產、懷孕、

pregnancy, giving birth without any drugs, while running a company

生產不用藥物， 同時還要經營公司，

for me to realize how wrong I was to hide my womanhood

我才了解到我是大錯特錯了，

我不該把身為女性視為 羞恥的事，還去隱藏它。

as if it's something I'm ashamed of.

For so long, I thought I had to be what I thought a good male CEO looked like

長期以來，

我一直以為我得成為

我心目中出色男執行長該有的模樣，

so that I wouldn't be judged or treated differently.

我才不會被評斷或受到差別待遇。

I was so constricted by my belief that businesses value maleness more.

我的想法限制了我自己，

我相信企業比較重視男性。

And it made me afraid to be a woman,

這個想法讓我害怕當女人，

which meant I hid a massive part of who I was from everyone.

於是我把我本質中 很大的一部分藏起來，

不讓任何人知道。

When I dared to be fully myself,

一旦我敢於做完整的自己，

when I dared to trust and share my frustrations

敢於信任我的團隊，

與團隊分享我的挫折、

and my anger and my sadness and my tears with my team,

憤怒、悲傷和眼淚，

I became a much happier and more effective leader

我變成了更快樂

且更稱職的領導者，

because I was finally honest in who I was.

因為我終於能誠實看待我自己。

And my team responded to that.

而我的團隊對此的反應很好。

One of the most important side effects of leading as my complete raw self

用最自然的自己去領導， 所帶來最重要的副作用之一，

was seeing our culture evolve

就是能看見我們的文化有進步，

to a more close-knit and effective version of itself.

升級成為更緊密、更有效益的版本。

I remember we had several back to back rough quarters.

我還記得，

我們有連續好幾季都很辛苦。

It felt like everything was in shambles

好像什麼都不穩固，

and I didn't have time to prepare for an all-hands.

且我都沒時間為全員大會做準備。

And then it was time for me to speak.

接著就輪到我說話了。

So I walked up to the mic cold and I started talking openly

我走向麥克風，

開始開放地談論我擔心的事，

about my concerns, my concerns on competition,

我對競爭的憂慮，

the mistakes we had made in sales strategy,

我們在銷售策略上的錯誤，

really exposing the weaknesses of our company.

把我們公司的弱點 實實在在地揭露出來。

And I asked the team for help.

接著我向團隊尋求協助。

That completely changed the conversation

這個做法完全改變了對話

and how we would build and solve problems together.

以及我們一起成長 和解決問題的方式。

As we collectively brought our full selves to work,

當我們大家都帶著 完全的自己去工作時，

we were able to accomplish so much more in terms of revenue growth

我們得以達到更高許多的成就，

包括利潤成長

and the most products shipped the company had seen.

以及公司史上最高的出貨量。

And it progressed us from a startup to medium-sized business.

讓我們從新創公司成長為中型企業。

Whoever you are, if you're thinking about starting a startup,

不論你是誰，

如果你打算成立新創公司，

or you’re thinking about leading,

或者打算要做領導，

do it

就去做，

and don't be afraid to trust and be yourself completely.

且別害怕付出信任

以及做完整的自己。

I wish I knew that a decade ago.

我真希望我十年前就知道這些。

And learn from my mistakes.

你可以從我的錯誤中學習。

If you find yourself fundraising on Sand Hill, needing to pump milk,

如果你在沙丘募款時

剛好需要擠奶，

go use their nice-ass mother’s rooms.

就去用他們的高檔哺乳室。

Thank you.

謝謝。