You are not alone in your loneliness | Jonny Sun

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: Bruce Sung

Hello.

哈囉。

I'd like to introduce you to someone.

我想介紹一個人給大家。

This is Jomny.

這是喬姆尼（Jomny）。

That's "Jonny" but spelled accidentally with an "m,"

若有人在納悶，原本是「喬尼 （Jonny）」，不小心拼錯了，

in case you were wondering,

because we're not all perfect.

因為我們都不是完美的。

Jomny is an alien

喬姆尼是外星人，

who has been sent to earth with a mission to study humans.

被派來地球執行研究人類的任務。

Jomny is feeling lost and alone and far from home,

喬姆尼感到失落、 孤單、離家很遠，

and I think we've all felt this way.

我想我們都曾有過這種感受。

Or, at least I have.

至少，我有過。

I wrote this story about this alien at a moment in my life

我寫下這個外星人故事時，

是人生中特別感到自己像外星人 一樣隔隔不入的時候。

when I was feeling particularly alien.

I had just moved to Cambridge and started my doctoral program at MIT,

那時我剛搬到劍橋， 開始在麻省理工學院讀博士班，

and I was feeling intimidated and isolated and very much like I didn't belong.

我感到害怕、孤立，

且好像我不屬於那裡。

But I had a lifeline of sorts.

但我還有救命仙丹。

See, I was writing jokes for years and years

我寫了很多年的笑話，

and sharing them on social media,

在社交媒體上分享，

and I found that I was turning to doing this more and more.

我發現我開始越寫越多。

Now, for many people, the internet can feel like a lonely place.

對很多人來說， 網路是個孤單的地方。

It can feel like this,

大家可能會覺得網路是 巨大、無邊際、遼闊的虛無，

a big, endless, expansive void

where you can constantly call out to it but no one's ever listening.

在那裡，你可以經常對它大喊， 但從來沒有人會聽。

But I actually found a comfort in speaking out to the void.

但我竟然在對著虛無講出 心聲的過程中找到慰藉。

I found, in sharing my feelings with the void,

我發現，當我和虛無 分享我的感受時，

eventually the void started to speak back.

最終，虛無會回話。

And it turns out that the void isn't this endless lonely expanse at all,

最後發現，這虛無其實完全 不是無盡、孤單的廣闊區域,

but instead it's full of all sorts of other people,

反之，虛無中有著各式各樣的人，

also staring out into it and also wanting to be heard.

也都盯著它看，想要被聽見。

Now, there have been many bad things that have come from social media.

過去，有不少鳥事 來自於社交媒體。

I'm not trying to dispute that at all.

我完全沒有想要爭執這一點。

To be online at any given point is to feel so much sadness

在任何時候上網， 都會感受到大量的悲傷、

and anger and violence.

憤怒，和暴力。

It can feel like the end of the world.

感覺可能就像是世界末日。 但，同時，我也很矛盾，因為

Yet, at the same time, I'm conflicted

because I can't deny the fact that so many of my closest friends

我無法否認，事實上， 我最親的朋友當中有許多

are people that I had met originally online.

一開始都是我在網路上認識的。

And I think that's partly because there's this confessional nature

我想，有部分原因是因為社交媒體

to social media.

有種告解的本質。

It can feel like you are writing in this personal, intimate diary

感覺就像是你在寫 一本親密的個人日記，

that's completely private,

完全是私人的，

yet at the same time you want everyone in the world to read it.

同時，你又希望 全世界的人都能讀它。

And I think part of that, the joy of that

我認為，這當中的喜悅

is that we get to experience things from perspectives from people

是來自於我們能夠從和我們自己

完全不同的人的視角來體驗事物，

who are completely different from ourselves,

and sometimes that's a nice thing.

有時，這是件好事。

For example, when I first joined Twitter,

比如，我剛加入推特時，

I found that so many of the people that I was following

我發現我關注的人當中有許多

were talking about mental health and going to therapy

在談論心理健康和接受治療時，

in ways that had none of the stigma that they often do

並沒有我們面對面談論這些議題時

when we talk about these issues in person.

所帶有的負面印象。

Through them, the conversation around mental health was normalized,

透過他們，關於心理健康的 談話變得很正常，

and they helped me realize that going to therapy was something

他們協助我了解到， 去接受治療是對我有幫助的。

that would help me as well.

Now, for many people,

對許多人來說，

it sounds like a scary idea to be talking about all these topics

在網路上如此公開、 開放地談論這些主題

so publicly and so openly on the internet.

似乎是種很可怕的想法。

I feel like a lot of people think that it is a big, scary thing

我覺得有很多人認為，

在你還不是完全成形之前就上網， 那是很可怕的大事。

to be online if you're not already perfectly and fully formed.

But I think the internet can be actually a great place to not know,

但我認為，網路的未知性 反而是很棒的，

and I think we can treat that with excitement,

我認為我們能帶著興奮去看待它，

because to me there's something important about sharing your imperfections

因為，對我來說， 重要的是要將你的不完美、

and your insecurities and your vulnerabilities

你的缺乏安全感、 你的脆弱分享出去

with other people.

分享給其他人。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Now, when someone shares that they feel sad or afraid

比如，當某個人分享說

他很悲傷、害怕，或孤單，

or alone, for example,

it actually makes me feel less alone,

其實會讓我覺得沒有那麼孤單了，

not by getting rid of any of my loneliness

並不是因為我擺脫了 我的任何孤單，

but by showing me that I am not alone

而是因為在感到孤單 這件事情上，我並不孤單。

in feeling lonely.

And as a writer and as an artist,

身為作家和藝術家，

I care very much about making this comfort of being vulnerable

我非常在乎要把這種 坦承脆弱的舒適感變成是

a communal thing, something that we can share with each other.

一種公共的東西， 我們能和彼此分享的東西。

I'm excited about externalizing the internal,

我很興奮能夠把內在的東西外化，

about taking those invisible personal feelings that I don't have words for,

把那些我無法用言語 形容的無形感受

holding them to the light, putting words to them,

帶到陽光底下，賦予它們字詞，

and then sharing them with other people

再把它們跟其他人分享，

in the hopes that it might help them find words to find their feelings as well.

希望也能夠幫助其他人 找到言語來形容他們的感受。

Now, I know that sounds like a big thing,

我知道這聽起來像是件大事，

but ultimately I'm interested in putting all these things

但，最終，我感興趣的 是把上述所有這些

into small, approachable packages,

通通放入容易取得的小包裝當中，

because when we can hide them into these smaller pieces,

因為如果我們能把它們藏在 這些比較小的東西當中，

I think they are easier to approach, I think they're more fun.

就比較容易取得它們，比較好玩。

I think they can more easily help us see our shared humanness.

它們就能更容易協助我們 了解我們共有的人性。

Sometimes that takes the form of a short story,

比如，有時用的形式是短篇故事，

sometimes that takes the form of a cute book of illustrations, for example.

有時，用的形式是 可愛的圖畫故事書。

And sometimes that takes the form

有時，用的形式是我 丟到網路上的愚蠢笑話。

of a silly joke that I'll throw on the internet.

For example, a few months ago, I posted this app idea

比如，幾個月前， 我張貼了一個想法，

for a dog-walking service

是一個溜狗服務的應用程式，

where a dog shows up at your door and you have to get out of the house

當狗出現在你家門口時， 你就得要走出門

and go for a walk.

去散散步。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

If there are app developers in the audience,

如果觀眾當中有 應用程式開發工程師，

please find me after the talk.

請在演講結束後來找我。

Or, I like to share every time I feel anxious about sending an email.

或者，每當我對於寄送電子郵件 感到焦慮時，我就會分享。

When I sign my emails "Best,"

我在信末寫「祝好（best）」，

it's short for "I am trying my best,"

其實是「我在盡力做好 （best）」的簡寫，

which is short for "Please don't hate me, I promise I'm trying my best!"

也就是「請不要恨我， 我保證我在盡力而為！」的簡寫。

Or my answer to the classic icebreaker,

或者我對於傳統破冰方式的回應，

if I could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, I would.

如果我能和任何人共進晚餐， 不論死活，我都願意。

I am very lonely.

我非常寂寞。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And I find that when I post things like these online,

我發現，當我在網路上 張貼這些東西，

the reaction is very similar.

得到的反應都很類似。

People come together to share a laugh,

大家齊聚一堂，分享歡笑，

在那樣的感覺中分享， 然後就一哄而散。

to share in that feeling,

and then to disburse just as quickly.

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Yes, leaving me once again alone.

是的，又再次丟下我一個人。

But I think sometimes these little gatherings can be quite meaningful.

但我認為，有時這些 小小相聚是很有意義的。

For example, when I graduated from architecture school

比如，當我從建築學校畢業時，

and I moved to Cambridge,

我搬到劍橋，我貼出了這個問題：

I posted this question:

"How many people in your life have you already had

「你人生中有多少人，

你已經結束了和他們 最後的交談？」

your last conversation with?"

And I was thinking about my own friends who had moved away

我在想的是我自己過去， 那些搬到其他城市、

to different cities and different countries, even,

甚至其他國家的朋友，

以及我和他們保持聯絡有多困難。

and how hard it would be for me to keep in touch with them.

但其他人開始回應， 分享他們自己的經歷。

But other people started replying and sharing their own experiences.

有人談到他們失和的家人。

Somebody talked about a family member they had a falling out with.

Someone talked about a loved one who had passed away

有人談到突然 未預期就過世的愛人。

quickly and unexpectedly.

Someone else talked about their friends from school

也有人談到學校認識的朋友 後來搬家離開。

who had moved away as well.

But then something really nice started happening.

但，接著，好事開始發生了。

Instead of just replying to me,

大家不只是回覆我， 也開始回覆彼此，

people started replying to each other,

and they started to talk to each other and share their own experiences

開始和彼此交談， 分享他們自己的經歷，

and comfort each other

並安慰彼此，

and encourage each other to reach out to that friend

鼓勵彼此去聯絡那位他們 很久沒有交談的朋友，

that they hadn't spoken to in a while

或者和他們失和的那位家人。

or that family member that they had a falling out with.

And eventually, we got this little tiny microcommunity.

最終，我們成了小型的微社區。

It felt like this support group formed

感覺這個支持團體是由

of all sorts of people coming together.

各式各樣的人所組成的。

And I think every time we post online,

每當我們在網路上發文，

every time we do this, there's a chance

每當我們這麼做， 就有機會形成這種微社區。

that these little microcommunities can form.

There's a chance that all sorts of different creatures

有可能各式各樣的不同生物

can come together and be drawn together.

會聚在一起，被吸引在一起。

And sometimes, through the muck of the internet,

有時，透過網路的淤泥，

you get to find a kindred spirit.

你會找到一個志同道合的人。

Sometimes that's in the reading the replies

有時，是在閱讀別人的回應

and the comments sections and finding a reply that is particularly kind

以及留言區，找到特別親切、

or insightful or funny.

有洞見，或有趣的回覆。

Sometimes that's in going to follow someone

有時，是去關注某人，

and seeing that they already follow you back.

接著發現他們也同樣在關注你。

And sometimes that's in looking at someone that you know in real life

有時，是看著真實 人生中你認識的人，

and seeing the things that you write and the things that they write

看著你寫的東西及他們寫的東西，

and realizing that you share so many of the same interests as they do,

發現你和他們有這麼多共同興趣，

and that brings them closer together to you.

縮短了他們與你之間的距離。

Sometimes, if you're lucky,

有時，如果你很幸運，

you get to meet another alien.

你會遇見另一位外星人。

[when two aliebns find each other in a strange place,

〔當兩個外星人 在奇怪的地方找到彼此，

it feels a litle more like home]

那地方就會更像家一點。〕

But I am worried, too, because as we all know,

但，我也會擔心， 因為我們都知道，

the internet for the most part doesn't feel like this.

大多數的情況下， 網路感覺並不是這樣子的。

We all know that for the most part,

我們都知道，大多數的 情況下，網路感覺是

the internet feels like a place where we misunderstand each other,

一個讓我們誤解彼此的地方，

where we come into conflict with each other,

在那裡，我們和彼此產生衝突，

where there's all sorts of confusion and screaming and yelling and shouting,

在那裡有各種困惑、 尖叫、吶喊、吼叫，

and it feels like there's too much of everything.

且感覺起來什麼都太多了。

感覺很混亂，我不知道要如何 用好的部分來處理壞的部分，

It feels like chaos,

and I don't know how to square away the bad parts with the good,

because as we know and as we've seen,

因為，如我們所知、所見，

the bad parts can really, really hurt us.

壞的部分真的真的能夠傷害我們。

It feels to me that the platforms that we use to inhabit these online spaces

我覺得，我們用來 經營這些網路空間的平台，

have been designed either ignorantly or willfully

不論是有意或無意，都是被設計來

to allow for harassment and abuse, to propagate misinformation,

允許騷擾和辱罵、傳播錯誤資訊、

to enable hatred and hate speech and the violence that comes from it,

讓怨恨和仇恨言論以及它們 所造成的暴力都成為可能，

and it feels like none of our current platforms

感覺好像目前所有的平台

are doing enough to address and to fix that.

都不夠努力去處理、修復這些。

But still, and maybe probably unfortunately,

也許這是很不幸的事，但我仍然

I'm still drawn to these online spaces, as many others are,

和許多人一樣會被 這些網路空間所吸引，

because sometimes it just feels like that's where all the people are.

因為，有時，感覺好像 所有的人都在那裡。

And I feel silly

有時我會覺得自己 很愚蠢、很愚笨，

and stupid sometimes

for valuing these small moments of human connection in times like these.

因為我很珍惜這種 小小的人類連結時刻。

But I've always operated under this idea

但我在做的時候， 都不忘一個想法，

that these little moments of humanness are not superfluous.

這些人性的小小時刻並非多餘的。

They're not retreats from the world at all,

它們完全不是在躲避世界，

but instead they're the reasons why we come to these spaces.

反而是我們來到這些空間的理由。

它們很重要、至關重要， 它們肯定、給了我們人生。

They are important and vital and they affirm and they give us life.

And they are these tiny, temporary sanctuaries

它們是小小的臨時避難所，

that show us that we are not as alone as we think we are.

讓我們知道，我們並沒有 自己所想的那麼孤單。

And so yes, even though life is bad and everyone's sad

所以，是的，雖然人生很糟， 且人人都很悲傷，

and one day we're all going to die --

且有我們遲早都會死去——

[look. life is bad. everyones sad.

〔聽著。人生很糟。 人人都很悲傷。

We're all gona die, but i alredy bought this inflatable bouncey castle

我們都會死去，但我已經 買下了這充氣城堡，

so are u gona take Ur shoes off or not]

所以你要不要把你的鞋子脫掉？〕

I think the inflatable metaphorical bouncy castle in this case

我認為，在這個例子中， 充氣城堡的比喻

is really our relationships and our connections to other people.

其實就是我們的關係， 我們和他人的連結。

And so one night,

有一天晚上，

when I was feeling particularly sad and hopeless about the world,

我感到特別悲傷，對世界絕望，

I shouted out to the void,

我對著虛無、孤單的黑暗大叫，

to the lonely darkness.

I said, "At this point, logging on to social media

我說：「在這個時點登入社交媒體

feels like holding someone's hand at the end of the world."

感覺就像是在世界的盡頭 握住某個人的手。」

And this time, instead of the void responding,

這次，回應的並不是虛無，

it was people who showed up,

而是在那裡出現的人，

who started replying to me and then who started talking to each other,

他們開始回應我， 接著開始和彼此交談，

and slowly this little tiny community formed.

慢慢地，這個小社區就形成了。

Everybody came together to hold hands.

大家都來了，手牽著手。

And in these dangerous and unsure times,

在這危險、不確定的時代，

in the midst of it all,

在所有的事物當中，

I think the thing that we have to hold on to is other people.

我認為我們要抓住 不放的，是其他人。

And I know that is a small thing made up of small moments,

我知道這是由小時刻 所形成的小東西，

but I think it is one tiny, tiny sliver of light

但，我認為它是在所有的黑暗中

in all the darkness.

一絲小小的銀光。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）