Zainab Salbi: Women, wartime and the dream of peace

譯者: Serena Chang 審譯者: Adrienne Lin

I woke up in the middle of the night

半夜傳來巨大的爆炸聲響

with the sound of heavy explosion.

把我從睡夢中吵醒

It was deep at night.

那時已經很晚了

I do not remember what time it was.

我不記得確切的時間

I just remember the sound

我只記得那聲音

was so heavy

是如此的響亮

and so very shocking.

如此的嚇人

Everything in my room was shaking --

我房間的東西都在晃動

my heart, my windows,

我的心, 我的窗戶

my bed, everything.

我的床 -- 每件東西

I looked out the windows

我望向窗外

and I saw a full half-circle

我看到一個完整的

of explosion.

半圓形的爆炸

I thought it was just like the movies,

我以為那只是電影,

but the movies had not conveyed them

但電影不足以表達出

in the powerful image that I was seeing

我所看到的這個強大的影像--

full of bright red

那鮮艷的紅色

and orange and gray,

橙色和灰色

and a full circle of explosion.

和完整的爆炸情景

And I kept on staring at it

我目不轉睛的看著

until it disappeared.

直到他消失在我的眼前

I went back to my bed,

我回到床上

and I prayed,

然後禱告

and I secretly thanked God

而我偷偷的感謝上帝

that that missile

那枚導彈

did not land on my family's home,

沒有墜落在我家

that it did not kill my family that night.

那天晚上我的家人沒有因此而死去

Thirty years have passed,

三十年過去了

and I still feel guilty about that prayer,

我仍然對那次的禱告感到罪惡

for the next day, I learned that that missile

隔天我才知道, 那枚導彈

landed on my brother's friend's home

墜落在我哥哥的朋友家

and killed him

殺害了他

and his father,

和他的爸爸

but did not kill his mother or his sister.

但沒有殺死他媽媽或姊妹

His mother showed up the next week

一個禮拜後,

at my brother's classroom

他媽媽去我哥哥的教室

and begged seven-year-old kids

拜託那些七歲大的孩子

to share with her any picture they may have

跟她分享他們擁有的

of her son,

任何一張她兒子的照片

for she had lost everything.

因為她失去了一切

This is not a story

這不只是個

of a nameless survivor of war,

默默無名戰後倖存者的故事

and nameless refugees,

或是我們在報紙上看到的

whose stereotypical images we see in our newspapers

那些默默無名 一成不變的難民照片

and our TV

或是在電視上看到

with tattered clothes,

衣衫襤褸的難民

dirty face, scared eyes.

他們汙穢的臉和害怕的眼神

This is not a story of a nameless someone

這不只是個生活在某個戰爭

who lived in some war,

某個無姓名的人的故事

who we do not know their hopes, their dreams,

我們不清楚他們的希望, 他們的夢想

their accomplishments, their families,

他們的成就, 他們的家人

their beliefs, their values.

他們的信仰 他們的價值觀

This is my story.

這是我的故事

I was that girl.

我就是那個女孩

I am another image and vision

我是那另一個影像和角度

of another survivor of war.

的另一個戰後倖存者

I am that refugee,

我就是那個難民

and I am that girl.

而我就是那個女孩

You see,

事實上,

I grew up in war-torn Iraq,

我在飽受戰爭蹂躪的伊拉克長大

and I believe that there are two sides of wars

我相信戰爭是兩面性的

and we've only seen

而我們只看到

one side of it.

其中的一面而已

We only talk about

我們只討論

one side of it.

其中的一面

But there's another side

但我親眼看到

that I have witnessed

有人在戰爭的另一面裡

as someone who lived in it

生活著

and someone who ended up working in it.

工作著

I grew up with the colors of war --

我在戰爭的色彩中成長

the red colors of fire and blood,

砲火和血液的紅色

the brown tones of earth

大地在爆炸時的

as it explodes

棕色色彩

in our faces

映在我們的臉上

and the piercing silver

而爆炸的導彈

of an exploded missile,

所散發出刺眼的銀色

so bright

如此的閃亮

that nothing can protect your eyes from it.

沒有任何東西能保護你的眼睛不去看到

I grew up

我在戰爭的聲響中

with the sounds of war --

長大

the staccato sounds of gunfire,

斷斷續續的槍擊聲

the wrenching booms of explosions,

猛烈的隆隆砲彈聲

ominous drones of jets flying overhead

噴射機的嗡嗡聲在上空飛來飛去

and the wailing warning sounds

和氣笛所發出的

of sirens.

尖嘯警告聲

These are the sounds you would expect,

這些都是你預料得到的聲響

but they are also the sounds

但也有些聲音是

of dissonant concerts of a flock of birds

一群鳥在夜空中

screeching in the night,

不一致的尖叫著

the high-pitched honest cries

孩子們誠實的

of children

高八度哭著

and the thunderous,

和強而有力

unbearable

卻令人無法忍受的

silence.

安靜

"War," a friend of mine said,

“戰爭,“ 我的一位友人說,

"is not about sound at all.

“和聲音沒有太大關係."

It is actually about silence,

事實上, 戰爭是關於靜默

the silence of humanity."

人類對戰爭所表現出的靜默

I have since left Iraq

我離開伊拉克以後

and founded a group called Women for Women International

成立了 Women for Women International 組織

that ends up working

開始幫助

with women survivors of wars.

戰爭後的女性倖存者

In my travels and in my work,

在我的旅程和工作中

from Congo to Afghanistan,

從剛果到阿富汗

from Sudan to Rwanda,

從蘇丹到盧安達

I have learned not only

我不只看到

that the colors and the sounds of war are the same,

戰爭的色彩和聲音相同

but the fears of war are the same.

但對於戰爭的恐懼都是相同的

You know, there is a fear of dying,

你知道, 那些對於死亡的恐懼

and do not believe any movie character

不要相信任何電影演員表現出來的什麼

where the hero is not afraid.

英雄絕不會害怕死亡

It is very scary

經歷那種

to go through that feeling

“我快要死去“

of "I am about to die"

或“我也許會在這場爆炸中死去“的感覺

or "I could die in this explosion."

是一件令人害怕的事情

But there's also the fear

但我想

of losing loved ones,

害怕失去摯愛的恐懼

and I think that's even worse.

恐怕更糟

It's too painful. You don't want to think about it.

痛到你甚至不願去想起

But I think the worst kind of fear is the fear --

可是 我想最恐怖的恐懼恐怕是

as Samia, a Bosnian woman, once told me,

像Samia, 一位在塞拉耶佛四年的圍攻中生存下來的玻茲尼亞女人

who survived the four-years besiege of Sarajevo;

和我敘說的那種恐懼

she said, "The fear

她說：“那種失去

of losing

自我的

the 'I' in me,

恐懼,

the fear of losing

失去自我的

the 'I' in me."

恐懼。"

That's what my mother in Iraq

那是我在伊拉克的媽媽

used to tell me.

以前常告訴我的話

It's like dying from inside-out.

就像是從內到外的死去

A Palestinian woman once told me,

一位巴勒斯坦女人有一次告訴我,

"It is not about the fear of one death,"

“那不只是死去一次的恐懼而已,"

she said, "sometimes I feel

在她形容軍人的行軍

I die 10 times in one day,"

和他們子彈的聲音時,

as she was describing the marches of soldiers

她說,"有的時候我覺得

and the sounds of their bullets.

我在一天之中死了十次。"

She said, "But it's not fair,

而她說："但這一切並不公平,

because there is only one life,

因為人一生只有一次生命,

and there should only be one death."

所以應該只有一次死亡而已, 不是嗎？“

We have been only seeing

到目前為止 我們只看到

one side of war.

戰爭的其中一面

We have only been discussing and consumed

我們至今只討論和著迷於

with high-level preoccupations

如何在軍事上佔領越來越多

over troop levels, drawdown timelines,

的領土, 計畫作戰時間

surges and sting operations,

如何增兵和臥底行動

when we should be examining the details

當我們應該調查

of where the social fabric

在社會架構的細節裡

has been most torn,

哪裡被分裂最嚴重

where the community has improvised

哪裡的社區是臨時形成的

and survived

及倖存者

and shown acts of resilience

及其表現出的恢復力

and amazing courage

和驚人的勇氣

just to keep life going.

就只為了讓生活繼續過下去

We have been so consumed

我們只著迷在

with seemingly objective discussions

政治,戰術

of politics, tactics,

武器,金錢

weapons, dollars

戰爭裡的傷亡人員

and casualties.

等表面上客觀的討論

This is the language

這是個內容匱乏

of sterility.

的溝通方式

How casually

在這個議題上

we treat casualties

我們對待戰爭的傷亡人員

in the context of this topic.

態度是如此的輕率

This is where we conceive of rape and casualties

因此我們認為強暴和戰爭的傷亡人員

as inevitabilities.

是不可逃避的責任

Eighty percent of refugees around the world

世界上80%的難民

are women and children. Oh.

是女人和小孩--喔

Ninety percent of modern war casualties

90%的戰爭傷亡者

are civilians.

是平民老百姓

Seventy-five percent of them are women and children.

其中75%是女人和小孩

How interesting.

多麼有趣的話題呀

Oh, half a million women in Rwanda

喔, 在盧安達 五十萬的女性

get raped in 100 days.

在一百天之內遭到強暴

Or, as we speak now,

或者, 在我們現在在講話的同時

hundreds of thousands of Congolese women

數以千計的剛果女人

are getting raped and mutilated.

正遭到強暴和凌虐

How interesting.

多麼有趣呀

These just become numbers that we refer to.

這些只不過變成我們參考的數字而已

The front of wars

在戰爭前線

is increasingly non-human eyes

越來越多的衛星從太空中

peering down on our perceived enemies

向下凝視著

from space,

我們已知的敵人們

guiding missiles toward unseen targets,

指引著導彈前往看不見的攻擊目標

while the human conduct

就在人們為了

of the orchestra of media relations

為了媒體而擁有的表演中

in the event that this particular drone attack

這個特定的無人駕駛武器攻擊

hits a villager

沒打到激烈分子

instead of an extremist.

反而打到一個無辜的村民

It is a chess game.

這是場西洋棋比賽

You learn to play an international relations school

你學習去玩一場國際關係的遊戲

on your way out and up

在你離開的時候

to national and international leadership.

學習迎合國內和國際的領導者

Checkmate.

將軍，遊戲結束

We are missing

我們缺少了

a completely other side of wars.

戰爭另一面的完整面貌

We are missing my mother's story,

我們缺少了我媽媽的故事

who made sure with every siren, with every raid,

在每次的警笛聲, 每次的空襲, 每次的斷電

with every cut off-of electricity,

她都在那裡保護著我們

she played puppet shows for my brothers and I,

她為了我和我哥哥表演木偶秀

so we would not be scared

讓我們不會對爆炸的聲音

of the sounds of explosions.

感到害怕

We are missing the story of Fareeda,

我們缺少了Fareeda 的故事

a music teacher,

她是位音樂老師

a piano teacher, in Sarajevo,

一位在塞拉耶佛的鋼琴老師

who made sure

在塞拉耶佛四年裡的圍攻行動裡

that she kept the music school open

她日復一日

every single day

堅持開放著

in the four years of besiege in Sarajevo

自己的音樂學校

and walked to that school,

在整個戰爭期間

despite the snipers shooting

不管狙擊兵拿著槍

at that school and at her,

瞄準她和學校

and kept the piano, the violin, the cello

她依然走到學校

playing the whole duration of the war,

讓學生戴著手套,帽子, 穿著外套

with students wearing their gloves and hats and coats.

演奏著鋼琴,小提琴,大提琴

That was her fight.

這是屬於她的戰爭

That was her resistance.

這是她對於戰爭的抵抗

We are missing the story of Nehia,

我們缺少了Nehia 的故事

a Palestinian woman in Gaza

一個在加薩的巴勒斯坦女人

who, the minute there was a cease-fire in the last year's war,

在去年開始的戰爭停火的那一瞬間

she left out of home,

她離開了家

collected all the flour

收集所有的麵粉

and baked as much bread for every neighbor to have,

烤了許多的麵包分配給鄰居們

in case there is no cease-fire the day after.

就怕接下來可能會繼續打仗

We are missing

我們缺少了

the stories of Violet,

Violet的故事

who, despite surviving genocide in the church massacre,

她不管自己才剛從教堂的集體大屠殺中生存下來

she kept on going on,

她仍繼續埋葬屍體

burying bodies, cleaning homes, cleaning the streets.

整理家園, 打掃街道

We are missing stories of women

我們缺少了那些在戰火中

who are literally keeping life going

仍然努力生活著的女人們

in the midst of wars.

的故事

Do you know --

你知道--

do you know that people fall in love in war

你知道仍有些人是在戰時相愛

and go to school

去上學

and go to factories and hospitals

仍然去工廠和醫院工作

and get divorced and go dancing and go playing

離婚,跳舞,玩樂

and live life going?

努力生活著的嗎？

And the ones who are keeping that life

而努力那樣生活著的

are women.

都是女人

There are two sides of war.

戰爭是兩面性的

There is a side that fights,

一面是在戰場上打仗

and there is a side that keeps the schools

而另一面則是開放學校

and the factories and the hospitals open.

工廠和醫院給有需要的人們的

There is a side that is focused on winning battles,

一面是專注在如何在戰場上打勝仗

and there is a side that is focused

而另一面是專注在

on winning life.

如何讓生活變得更好

There is a side that leads the front-line discussion,

一面是讓我們討論著前方的作戰策略

and there is a side

另一面是讓我們

that leads the back-line discussion.

討論後方的生活策略

There is a side that thinks

一面是覺得

that peace is the end of fighting,

不打仗了就是和平

and there is a side that thinks

但另一面則是認為

that peace is the arrival

所謂的和平

of schools and jobs.

就是能安全的抵達學校和工作地點

There is a side

有一面是由

that is led by men,

男人來主導的

and there is a side

而有一面

that is led by women.

是由女人來掌管的

And in order for us to understand

為了讓我們能夠更加了解

how do we build lasting peace,

我們要如何建立長久的和平

we must understand war and peace

我們必須從兩邊去了解

from both sides.

戰爭與和平

We must have a full picture

我們必須全面性的去了解

of what that means.

其背後真正的意義

In order for us to understand

為了讓我們了解

what actually peace means,

何謂真正的和平

we need to understand,

我們必須去了解

as one Sudanese woman once told me,

就如同一位蘇丹女人跟我說的,

"Peace is the fact that my toenails

“對我而言, 所謂的和平是

are growing back again."

當我的腳指甲重新長回來的時候。“

She grew up in Sudan, in Southern Sudan,

她在蘇丹南方長大

for 20 years of war,

20年間的戰爭

where it killed one million people

造成一百萬的人民死亡

and displaced five million refugees.

迫使五百萬的難民必須離開家鄉

Many women were taken as slaves

許多女人被革命軍和軍隊

by rebels and soldiers,

當成奴隸般的對待

as sexual slaves who were forced also

被迫成為軍人的性奴隸

to carry the ammunition and the water

還必須扛軍火和水

and the food for the soldiers.

以及食物

So that woman walked for 20 years,

所以這女人為了不再被軍隊抓到

so she would not be kidnapped again.

她到處逃難了20年

And only when there was some sort of peace,

她的腳指甲只有可能在

her toenails grew back again.

和平來臨時才有可能會再長出來

We need to understand peace

我們必須從腳指甲的這個觀點

from a toenail's perspective.

來了解和平的意義

We need to understand

我們必須了解到

that we cannot actually have negotiations

如果我們不把女人涵蓋進來的話

of ending of wars or peace

所謂為了停止戰爭或為了和平的協議

without fully including women

就失去了意義

at the negotiating table.

在談判桌上

I find it amazing

我驚訝的發現

that the only group of people

這群唯一在戰爭中

who are not fighting and not killing

沒有打仗 沒有殺人

and not pillaging and not burning and not raping,

沒有搶劫 沒有放火 沒有強暴

and the group of people who are mostly --

這群人雖然不是唯一一群

though not exclusively --

但是是最頻繁

who are keeping life going in the midst of war,

為了讓生活在戰火蔓延中繼續過下去而努力的人們

are not included in the negotiating table.

竟然沒有在談判桌上

And I do argue that women lead the back-line discussion,

我主張女人應主導對於後方重建的議題

but there are also men

但事實上

who are excluded from that discussion.

有許多男人在這個議題上被排除在外

The doctors who are not fighting,

沒有去打仗的醫生們

the artists, the students, the men who refuse to pick up the guns,

那些藝術家,學生, 不願拿起槍去作戰的男人們

they are, too, excluded

他們在談判桌上

from the negotiating tables.

被嚴重的排除在外

There is no way we can talk about a lasting peace,

我們不能討論如何保持長久和平

building of democracy, sustainable economies,

建立民主國家, 穩定的經濟

any kind of stabilities,

任何形態的穩定局勢

if we do not fully include women

如果我們不延攬女人在

at the negotiating table.

在談判桌上的話就無法達成

Not one, but 50 percent.

而且至少一半要是女人

There is no way we can talk about the building of stability

如果我們不開始在女人和女孩

if we don't start investing

身上投資

in women and girls.

我們是不能討論建立穩定的社會

Did you know

你知道

that one year

世界上所有軍隊一年的

of the world's military spending

支出

equals 700 years

相當於700年的

of the U.N. budget

聯合國的預算

and equals 2,928 years

相當於2928年的

of the U.N. budget allocated for women?

聯合國對女性的預算

If we just reverse

如果我們把這些預算

that distribution of funds,

發放在女性身上的話

perhaps we could have

或許世界上會有個

a better lasting peace in this world.

更美好的和平景象

And last, but not least,

同樣重要的是

we need to invest in peace and women,

我們必須投資在和平和女人上

not only because it is the right thing to do,

不只因為我們該作這件正確的事情

not only because it is the right thing to do,

我們該作這件正確的事情

for all of us to build sustainable and lasting peace today,

不只是為了今天我們能建立穩定且長久的和平

but it is for the future.

而是為了未來

A Congolese woman,

一個剛果女人告訴我

who was telling me about

她的孩子們

how her children saw their father killed in front of them

目睹自己父親在他們面前被殺害

and saw her raped in front of them

看到母親在他們面前被強暴

and mutilated in front of them,

在他們面前被凌虐

and her children saw their nine-year-old sibling

她的孩子們看到他們九歲大的兄弟姊妹

killed in front of them,

在他們面前被殺害

how they're doing okay right now.

他們要如何過得好好的？

She got into Women for Women International's program.

她加入了Women for Women International 計畫

She got a support network.

她得到了支援

She learned about her rights.

知道她的權利

We taught her vocational and business skills. We helped her get a job.

我們教導她職業和商業技巧. 幫助她找到了工作

She was earning 450 dollars. She was doing okay.

她現在能賺$450. 現在過得很好

She was sending them to school. Have a new home.

她把孩子們送去上學-- 有了新家

She said, "But what I worry about the most

她說, “我最擔心的

is not any of that.

並不是這些

I worry that my children

我擔心的是我的小孩

have hate in their hearts,

心中有怨恨

and when they want to grow up, they want to fight again

我怕他們長大後，會想要找

the killers of their father and their brother."

殺害他們父親和兄弟的兇手復仇"

We need to invest in women,

我們需要在女人身上投資

because that's our only chance

因為那是我們確保未來

to ensure that there is no more war

不會再有任何的戰爭

in the future.

的唯一機會

That mother has a better chance to heal her children

母親是比任何和平協議都能

than any peace agreement can do.

治愈她們的孩子

Are there good news? Of course, there are good news. There are lots of good news.

你問我有好消息嗎？ 當然有 有好多好多的好消息

To start with, these women that I told you about

首先, 我剛剛提到的女人們

are dancing and singing every single day,

現在每天開心的唱歌跳舞著

and if they can,

如果他們能這麼做

who are we not to dance?

我們為何不能呢？

That girl that I told you about

我剛剛提到的女孩

ended up starting Women for Women International Group

現在開始在Women for Women International Group 工作

that impacted one million people, sent 80 million dollars,

她能影響一百萬人, 動用八千萬美金的經費

and I started this from zero,

而我那時可是從零開始

nothing, nada, [unclear].

什麼都沒有, nada, [不清楚]

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

They are women who are standing on their feet

這些女人是在艱難的環境中

in spite of their circumstances,

生存了下來

not because of it.

不只如此

Think of how the world can be a much better place

他們想讓世界變得更加美好

if, for a change,

如果,我們要有改變

we have a better equality,

我們有更好的平等機會

we have equality,

我們是平等的

we have a representation

我們有人能替我們發聲

and we understand war,

而我們了解戰爭

both from the front-line

不只是前線

and the back-line discussion.

還有後方

Rumi, a 13th-century Sufi poet,

魯米, 一位13世紀蘇非派的詩人

says, "Out beyond the worlds

說, “在正確的行為和錯誤的行為的

of right-doings and wrong-doings,

世界之外

there is a field.

那裡有個地方

I will meet you there.

我會在那裡和你相見

When the soul lies down in that grass,

當靈魂躺在那裡的草皮上時

the world is too full

談論世界

to talk about.

太過於多餘

Ideas, language,

想法, 語言

even the phrase 'each other'

甚至 “彼此“這個片語

no longer makes any sense."

都不再有任何意義“

I humbly add -- humbly add --

我虛心的改成—虛心的改成

that out beyond

在戰爭與和平的

the worlds of war and peace,

世界之外

there is a field,

那裡有個地方

and there are many women and men

許多女人和男人

[who] are meeting there.

在那裡相遇

Let us make this field a much bigger place.

讓我們擴大那個地方

Let us all meet in that field.

讓我們都在那裡相遇

Thank you.

謝謝你們

(Applause)

（掌聲）