The gospel of doubt | Casey Gerald

Translator: Doris Mangalu Reviewer: Nelson Simfukwe

There we were,

Pale tulikuwepo,

souls and bodies packed into a Texas church

nafsi na miili imejaa kwenya kanisa la Texas

on the last night of our lives.

usiku wa mwisho wa maisha yetu.

Packed into a room just like this,

Tumejaa kwenye chumba kama tu hiki,

but with creaky wooden pews draped in worn-down red fabric,

Ila kina viti vya mbao vitoavyo sauti vilivyo- pambwa na kitambaa chekundu kilichochoka

with an organ to my left and a choir at my back

na kinanda kushoto kwangu na kwaya nyuma yangu

and a baptism pool built into the wall behind them.

na dimbwi la ubatizo lililojengewa ukutani nyuma yao.

A room like this, nonetheless.

Chumba kama hiki, hata hivyo.

With the same great feelings of suspense,

Na hisia ile ile nzuri ya kusisimua,

the same deep hopes for salvation,

matumaini ya kina yale yale ya wokovu,

the same sweat in the palms

jasho lile lile mikononi

and the same people in the back not paying attention.

na watu wale wale kwa nyuma ambao hawasikilizi.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

This was December 31, 1999,

Hii ilikua Desemba 31, 1999,

the night of the Second Coming of Christ,

usiku wa Ujio wa Pili wa Kristo,

and the end of the world as I knew it.

na mwisho wa dunia kama nilivyoujua.

I had turned 12 that year

Nilikua na miaka 12 huo mwaka

and had reached the age of accountability.

na nilifika umri wa uwajibikaji.

And once I stopped complaining

Na mara nilipoacha kulalamika

about how unfair it was that Jesus would return

kuhusu jinsi isivyo haki kua Yesu angerudi

as soon as I had to be accountable for all that I had done,

mara tu nilivyokua ninawajibika kwa yote niliyofanya,

I figured I had better get my house in order very quickly.

nikagundua ni bora niweke nyumba yangu sawa haraka.

So I went to church as often as I could.

Hivyo nikaenda kanisani kadri niwezavyo.

I listened for silence as anxiously as one might listen for noise,

Nilisikilizia ukimya kwa wasiwasi kama mtu angesikilizia kelele,

trying to be sure that the Lord hadn't pulled a fast one on me

kujaribu kua na uhakika kua Bwana hajanivutia ya haraka

and decided to come back early.

na kuamua kurudi mapema.

And just in case he did,

kama tu akifanya hivyo,

I built a backup plan,

nilitengeneza mpango wa ziada,

by reading the "Left Behind" books that were all the rage at the time.

kwa kusoma vitabu vya "Kuachwa Nyuma" ambavyo vilivuma mda huo.

And I found in their pages

Na kupata kwenye kurasa zao

that if I was not taken in the rapture at midnight,

kua kama sikuchukuliwa kwa mnyakuo kati kati ya usiku,

I had another shot.

Nilikua nina bahati nyingine.

All I had to do was avoid taking the mark of the beast,

Nilichotakiwa kufanya ni kuepuka kuchukua alama ya mnyama,

fight off demons, plagues and the Antichrist himself.

kupigana na mapepo, mapigo na mpinga Kristo mwenyewe.

It would be hard --

Ingekua ngumu --

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

but I knew I could do it.

lakini nilijua ningeweza.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

But planning time was over now.

Lakini mda wa kupanga uliisha sasa.

It was 11:50pm.

Ilikua saa 11:50 usiku.

We had 10 minutes left,

Tulibakiwa na dakika 10,

and my pastor called us out of the pews and down to the altar

na mchungaji akatuita tutoke kwenye viti tuelekee madhabahuni

because he wanted to be praying when midnight struck.

kwa sababu alitaka awe anasali saa sita ikigonga.

So every faction of the congregation

Hivyo kila sehemu ya usharika

took its place.

ilichukua nafasi yake.

The choir stayed in the choir stand,

kwaya ilibaki kwenye nafasi yake,

the deacons and their wives --

mashemasi na wake zao --

or the Baptist Bourgeoisie as I like to call them --

au Wabaptisti Wabepari kama ninavyopenda kuwaita --

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

took first position in front of the altar.

walichukua nafasi ya kwanza mbele ya madhabahu.

You see, in America,

Unaona, Marekani,

even the Second Coming of Christ has a VIP section.

hata Ujio wa Pili wa Kristo kuna sehemu ya VIP.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

(Applause)

(Makofi)

And right behind the Baptist Bourgeoisie

Na nyuma tu ya Wabaptisti Wabepari

were the elderly --

walikua wazee --

these men and women whose young backs had been bent under hot suns

hawa wanaume na wanawake ambao migongo yao ya ujana iliinamia jua kali

in the cotton fields of East Texas,

kwenye mashamba ya pamba Texas Mashariki,

and whose skin seemed to be burnt a creaseless noble brown,

na ngozi zao zilionekana zimeungua kama ukahawia mgumu unaofaa

just like the clay of East Texas,

kama tu udongo wa Texas Mashariki,

and whose hopes and dreams for what life might become

na ambao ndoto zao na matumaini ya maisha yangekuwaje

outside of East Texas

nje ya Texas Mashariki

had sometimes been bent and broken

ambazo zimekiukwa na kuvunjika

even further than their backs.

tena zaidi hata ya migongo yao.

Yes, these men and women were the stars of the show for me.

Ndio, na hawa wanaume na wanawake walikua nyota wa onyesho kwangu.

They had waited their whole lives for this moment,

Ilibidi wasubirie maisha yao yote kwa huu wakati.

just as their medieval predecessors had longed for the end of the world,

kama tu waliowatangulia mapema walivyotamani mwisho wa dunia,

and just as my grandmother waited for the Oprah Winfrey Show

na kama tu bibi yangu alivyongoja kipindi cha Oprah Winfrey

to come on Channel 8 every day at 4 o'clock.

kuanza kwenye Chaneli 8 kila siku saa 4 kamili.

And as she made her way to the altar,

Na alivyokua akielekea madhabahuni,

I snuck right in behind her,

nilinyata nyuma yake,

because I knew for sure

kwa sababu nilijua kabisa

that my grandmother was going to heaven.

kua bibi yangu alikua anaenda mbinguni.

And I thought that if I held on to her hand during this prayer,

Na nikawaza kama nikimshikilia wakati wa maombi,

I might go right on with her.

ninaweza kwenda nae pia.

So I held on

Hivyo nikashikilia

and I closed my eyes

na nikafunga macho

to listen,

kusikiliza,

to wait.

kusubiri.

And the prayers got louder.

Na maombi yakawa na kelele.

And the shouts of response to the call of the prayer

Na kelele za kujibu wito wa maombi

went up higher even still.

yakaenda juu zaidi.

And the organ rolled on in to add the dirge.

Na kinanda kikaunga kuongezea wimbo.

And the heat came on to add to the sweat.

Na joto likaja juu kuongezea kwenye jasho.

And my hand gripped firmer,

Na nikakaza mkono zaidi,

so I wouldn't be the one left in the field.

ili nisiwe wakuachwa kwenye shamba.

My eyes clenched tighter

Macho yakabana zaidi

so I wouldn't see the wheat being separated from the chaff.

ili nisione ngano ikitengwa na makapi.

And then a voice rang out above us:

Na sauti ikaita kutoka juu yetu:

"Amen."

"Amina."

It was over.

Ilikua imeisha.

I looked at the clock.

Nikaangalia saa.

It was after midnight.

Ilikua imepita saa sita.

I looked at the elder believers

Nikaangalia waumini wazee

whose savior had not come,

ambao mwokozi wao hakuja,

who were too proud to show any signs of disappointment,

waliokua na majivuno sana kuonyesha ishara zozote za kusikitika,

who had believed too much and for too long

ambao waliamini mengi na kwa mda mrefu

to start doubting now.

kuanza kua na mashaka sasa.

But I was upset on their behalf.

Lakini nilisikitika kwa niaba yao.

They had been duped,

Walikua wamedanganywa,

hoodwinked, bamboozled,

wamedhulumiwa, wamepumbazwa,

and I had gone right along with them.

na nilienda kabisa pembeni yao.

I had prayed their prayers,

Nilisali sala zao,

I had yielded not to temptation as best I could.

nilisalimika dhidi ya vishawishi kadri ninavyoweza.

I had dipped my head not once, but twice

Nilizamisha kichwa sio mara moja, ila mara mbili

in that snot-inducing baptism pool.

kwenye dimbwi la ubatizo lililojaa kamasi.

I had believed.

Niliamini.

Now what?

Sasa nini?

I got home just in time to turn on the television

Nilifika nyumbani kwa mda kuwasha televisheni

and watch Peter Jennings announce the new millennium

na kumwona Peter Jennings akitangaza milenia mpya

as it rolled in around the world.

ilivyoingia duniani kote.

It struck me that it would have been strange anyway,

Ikanijia kua ingekua ajabu hata hivyo,

for Jesus to come back again and again

kwa Yesu kurudi tena na tena

based on the different time zones.

kulingana na kutofautiana mda.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

And this made me feel even more ridiculous --

Na hii ilinifanya nijihisi mjinga zaidi --

hurt, really.

kuumia, kweli.

But there on that night, I did not stop believing.

Lakini hapo huo usiku, sikuacha kuamini.

I just believed a new thing:

Niliamini tu kitu kipya:

that it was possible not to believe.

kua inawezekana kutokuamini.

It was possible the answers I had were wrong,

Inawezekana majibu niliokua nayo hayakua sawa,

that the questions themselves were wrong.

kua maswali yenyewe yalikua yamekosewa.

And now, where there was once a mountain of certitude,

Na sasa, palipokua mwanzoni na mlima wa uhakika,

there was, running right down to its foundation,

palikua, ukishuka chini ya chemchemi yake,

a spring of doubt,

bubujiko la mashaka,

a spring that promised rivers.

bubujiko lililoahidi mito.

I can trace the whole drama of my life

Ninaweza kufuatilia mchezo mzima wa maisha yangu

back to that night in that church

mpaka usiku ule kwenye lile kanisa

when my savior did not come for me;

pale mwokozi wangu hakuja kwa ajili yangu;

when the thing I believed most certainly

pale kitu nilichoamini kwa hakika

turned out to be, if not a lie,

kikageuka kua, kama sio uongo,

then not quite the truth.

basi sio hasa ukweli.

And even though most of you prepared for Y2K in a very different way,

Na hata kama wengi wenu walijiandaa kwa Y2K kwa njia tofauti,

I'm convinced that you are here

ninaamini kua upo hapa

because some part of you has done the same thing that I have done

kwa sababu kuna sehemu yako imefanya kitu sawa na nilichofanya

since the dawn of this new century,

tangu mwanzoni mwa karne hii,

tangu mama yangu aivyoniacha na baba yangu kukaa mbali

since my mother left and my father stayed away

and my Lord refused to come.

na Bwana wangu akakataa kuja.

And I held out my hand,

Na nikatoa mkono wangu nje,

reaching for something to believe in.

nikitafuta kitu cha kuamini.

I held on when I arrived at Yale at 18,

Niliendelea nilipofika Yale miaka 18,

with the faith that my journey from Oak Cliff, Texas

na imani ambayo safari yangu kutoka Oak Cliff, Texas

was a chance to leave behind all the challenges I had known,

ilikua ni nafasi ya kuacha nyuma changamoto zote nilizojua,

the broken dreams and broken bodies I had seen.

ndoto zilizovunjika na miili iliovunjika niliyoona.

But when I found myself back home one winter break,

Lakini nilivyojikuta nimerudi nyumbani pumziko moja la winta,

with my face planted in the floor,

na uso wangu ukiwa umezama sakafuni,

my hands tied behind my back

mikono yangu imefungwa mgongoni

and a burglar's gun pressed to my head,

na bunduki ya mwizi ikiwa kichwani kwangu,

I knew that even the best education couldn't save me.

nilijua hata elimu bora isingeweza kuniokoa.

I held on when I showed up at Lehman Brothers

Niliendelea nilipofika pale Lehman Brothers

as an intern in 2008.

kama mfanyakazi tarajali 2008.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

So hopeful --

Na matumaini --

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

that I called home to inform my family

nikapiga nyumbani kujulisha familia yangu

that we'd never be poor again.

kua hatutakua maskini tena.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

But as I witnessed this temple of finance

Lakini niliposhuhudia hili hekalu la uchumi

come crashing down before my eyes,

likianguka chini mbele ya macho yangu,

I knew that even the best job couldn't save me.

nilijua kua hata kazi bora isingeweza kuniokoa.

I held on when I showed up in Washington DC as a young staffer,

Niliendelea nilipofika Washington DC kama mfanyakazi mdogo,

who had heard a voice call out from Illinois,

ambae alisikia sauti ikiita kutoka Illinois,

saying, "It's been a long time coming,

ikisema, "Imekua mda mrefu kuja,

but in this election, change has come to America."

lakini kwenye huu uchaguzi, mabadiliko yamekuja Marekani."

But as the Congress ground to a halt

Lakini kongamano liliposimama

and the country ripped at the seams

na nchi iliponyofolewa kwenye pande

and hope and change began to feel like a cruel joke,

matumaini na mabadiliko yalianza kua kama utani,

I knew that even the political second coming

nilijua kua hata ujio wa pili wa kisiasa

could not save me.

usingeniokoa.

I had knelt faithfully at the altar of the American Dream,

Nilipiga makoti kwa imani madhabahuni mwa ndoto ya Marekani,

praying to the gods of my time

nikiombea miungu ya wakati wangu

of success,

wa mafanikio,

and money,

na fedha,

and power.

na nguvu.

But over and over again,

Lakini tena na tena,

midnight struck, and I opened my eyes

saa sita iligonga, na nikafungua macho yangu

to see that all of these gods were dead.

kuona kua miungu yote hio imekufa.

And from that graveyard,

Na kutoka kwenye hayo makaburi,

I began the search once more,

nilianza kutafuta tena upya,

not because I was brave,

sio kwa sababu ya ujasiri,

but because I knew that I would either believe

ila ni kwa sababu nilijua kua ningeamua kuamini

or I would die.

au ningekufa.

So I took a pilgrimage to yet another mecca,

Hivyo nikachukua hija kwenda bado mecca nyingine,

Harvard Business School --

Shule ya Biashara Harvard --

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

this time, knowing that I could not simply accept the salvation

wakati huu, nikijua kua siwezi kukubali wokovu kirahisi

that it claimed to offer.

ambayo ilidai kutoa.

No, I knew there'd be more work to do.

Hapana, nilijua kutakua na kazi za kufanya zaidi.

The work began in the dark corner of a crowded party,

Kazi ilianza kwenye kona ya giza katika sherehe iliojaa,

in the late night of an early, miserable Cambridge winter,

kwenye usiku wa manane wa winta ya Cambridge ya mapema inayosumbua,

when three friends and I asked a question

pale marafiki watatu na mimi tuliuliza swali

that young folks searching for something real have asked

ambalo vijana wanaotafuta kitu cha halisi waliuliza

for a very long time:

kwa mda mrefu sana:

"What if we took a road trip?"

"Inakuaje tukienda safarini?"

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

We didn't know where'd we go or how we'd get there,

Hatukujua tungeenda wapi au jinsi tungefika huko,

but we knew we had to do it.

lakini tulijua tulipaswa kufanya hivyo.

Because all our lives we yearned, as Jack Kerouac wrote,

Kwa sababu maisha yote tumetamani, kama Lack Kerouac alivyoandika,

to "sneak out into the night and disappear somewhere,"

"kutoroka nje usiku na kupotea popote,"

and go find out what everybody was doing

na kwenda kuona watu wengine wanachofanya

all over the country.

nchi nzima.

So even though there were other voices who said

Hata kama kulikua na sauti nyingine zilizosema

that the risk was too great and the proof too thin,

kua hatari ni kubwa sana, na ushahidi mdogo sana,

we went on anyhow.

tulienda hivyo hivyo.

We went on 8,000 miles across America in the summer of 2013,

Tulienda maili 8,000 tukizunguka Marekani kwenye kiangazi cha 2013,

through the cow pastures of Montana, through the desolation of Detroit,

kupita malisho ya ng'ombe ya Montana, kupita magofu ya Detroit,

through the swamps of New Orleans,

kupita mabwawa ya New Orleans,

where we found and worked with men and women

ambapo tulipata na kufanya kazi na wanaume na wanawake

who were building small businesses

waliokua wakijenga biashara ndogo

that made purpose their bottom line.

zilizofanya sababu kua kiini chao.

And having been trained at the West Point of capitalism,

Na kuweza kufundishwa kwenye West Point ya ubepari,

this struck us as a revolutionary idea.

hii iligonga kama wazo la mapinduzi.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

And this idea spread,

Na hili wazo lilisambaa,

growing into a nonprofit called MBAs Across America,

na kukua kua shirika lisilo na faida liitwalo MBAs Kupitia Marekani,

a movement that landed me here on this stage today.

harakati ilionifikisha hapa kwenye hili jukwaa leo.

It spread because we found a great hunger in our generation

Ilisambaa kwa sababu tulipata njaa kubwa zaidi kwenye kizazi chetu

for purpose, for meaning.

kwa dhumuni, kwa maana.

It spread because we found countless entrepreneurs

Ilisambaa kwa sababu tulipata wajasiriamali wasiohesabika

in the nooks and crannies of America

kwenye nyufa na mapengo ya Marekani

who were creating jobs and changing lives

ambao walikua wakitengeneza ajira na kubadili maisha

and who needed a little help.

na waliohitaji msaada kidogo.

But if I'm being honest, it also spread

Lakini kama nikiwa muaminifu, ilisambaa pia

because I fought to spread it.

kwa sababu nilipigana kuisambaza.

There was no length to which I would not go

Hakukua na umbali ambao nisingeenda

to preach this gospel,

kuhubiri injili hii,

to get more people to believe

kupata watu zaidi kuamini

that we could bind the wounds of a broken country,

ili tuweze kufunga majeraha ya nchi iliyovunjika,

one social business at a time.

biashara moja ya kijamii kwa mda.

But it was this journey of evangelism

Lakini ilikua hii safari ya uinjilisti

that led me to the rather different gospel

ilionipeleka kwenye injili tofauti

that I've come to share with you today.

ambayo nimekuja kuwashirikisha leo.

It began one evening almost a year ago

Ilianza jioni moja, karibia mwaka uliopita

at the Museum of Natural History in New York City,

kwenye Makumbusho ya Asili ya Historia ya jiji la New York,

at a gala for alumni of Harvard Business School.

kwenye sherehe ya wahitimu wa Shule ya Biashara Harvard.

Under a full-size replica of a whale,

Chini ya ukubwa wa mfano wa nyangumi mzima,

I sat with the titans of our time

nilikaa na matitan wa wakati wetu

as they celebrated their peers and their good deeds.

wakisherehekea na wenzao na matendo yao mema.

There was pride in a room

Kiburi kilikua kwenye chumba

where net worth and assets under management

ambapo thamani halisi na raslimali chini ya utawala

surpassed half a trillion dollars.

zilizidi nusu ya dola trilioni.

We looked over all that we had made,

Tuliangalia juu ya vyote tulivyotengeneza,

and it was good.

na ilikua nzuri.

(Laughter)

(Kicheko)

But it just so happened,

Lakini ilitokea tu kua,

two days later,

siku mbili baadae,

I had to travel up the road to Harlem,

Ilibidi nisafiri juu kuelekea Harlem,

where I found myself sitting in an urban farm

ambapo nilijikuta nimekaa kwenye shamba la mjini

that had once been a vacant lot,

ambalo mwanzoni lilikua eneo la wazi,

listening to a man named Tony tell me of the kids

nikimsikiliza mtu aitwae Tony akiniambia kuhusu watoto

that showed up there every day.

waliotokea hapo kila siku.

All of them lived below the poverty line.

Wote hao waliishi chini ya mstari wa umasikini.

Many of them carried all of their belongings in a backpack

Wengi wao walibeba mali zao kwenye mabegi ya mgongoni

to avoid losing them in a homeless shelter.

kuepuka kuzipoteza mahali pa wasio na makazi.

Some of them came to Tony's program,

Baadhi yao walikuja kwenye mradi wa Tony,

called Harlem Grown,

uitwao Harlem Grown,

to get the only meal they had each day.

kupata mlo pekee waliopata kila siku.

Tony told me that he started Harlem Grown with money from his pension,

Tony aliniambia kua alianzisha Harlem Grown na hela ya pensheni yake,

after 20 years as a cab driver.

baada ya miaka 20 kama dereva wa teksi.

He told me that he didn't give himself a salary,

Aliniambia kua hakujipa mshahara,

because despite success, the program struggled for resources.

kwa sababu licha ya mafanikio, mradi ulipambana na rasilimali.

He told me that he would take any help

Aliniambia kua angechukua msaada wowote

that he could get.

ambao angeweza.

And I was there as that help.

Na nilikua pale kama huo msaada.

But as I left Tony, I felt the sting and salt of tears

Lakini nilipomuacha Tony, nilihisi uchungu na chumvi ya machozi

welling up in my eyes.

ikijaa kwenye macho yangu.

I felt the weight of revelation

nilihisi uzito wa ufunuo

that I could sit in one room on one night,

kua ningeweza kukaa kwenye chumba kimoja usiku mmoja,

where a few hundred people had half a trillion dollars,

ambapo watu mia kadhaa wenye nusu ya dola trilioni,

and another room, two days later,

na chumba kingine, siku mbili baadae,

just 50 blocks up the road,

mitaa 50 tu juu ya barabara,

where a man was going without a salary

ambapo mtu alikua anaenda bila mshahara

to get a child her only meal of the day.

kumpa mtoto mlo wake pekee wa siku.

And it wasn't the glaring inequality that made me want to cry,

Na haikua ukosefu wa hali ulio dhahiri uliyonifanya nitake kulia,

it wasn't the thought of hungry, homeless kids,

haikua wazo la watoto wasio na makazi wenye njaa,

it wasn't rage toward the one percent

haikua hasira juu ya ile asilimia moja

or pity toward the 99.

au huruma kwa wale 99.

No, I was disturbed because I had finally realized

Hapana, nilisumbuliwa kwa sababu hatimae niligundua

that I was the dialysis

kua nilikua msafisha damu

for a country that needed a kidney transplant.

kwa nchi iliyohitaji upandikizo wa figo.

I realized that my story stood in for all those

Niligundua kua hadithi yangu ilisimama kwa wale wote

who were expected to pick themselves up by their bootstraps,

ambao walitegemea kujinyenyua wenyewe na kamba za buti,

even if they didn't have any boots;

hata kama hawakua na buti zozote;

that my organization stood in

ndipo shirika langu liliingia kati

for all the structural, systemic help that never went to Harlem

kwa misaada yote ya miundo, utaratibu ambayo haikuwahi kwenda Harlem

or Appalachia or the Lower 9th Ward;

au Appalachia au huko Lower 9th Ward;

that my voice stood in for all those voices

ambapo sauti yangu ilisimama kwa niaba ya sauti zote hizo

that seemed too unlearned, too unwashed, too unaccommodated.

zilizoonekana sio za kisomi sana, zisizosafi sana, zisizobebeka sana.

And the shame of that,

Na aibu ya hilo,

that shame washed over me

hio aibu ilifurika juu yangu

like the shame of sitting in front of the television,

kama aibu ya kukaa mbele ya televisheni,

watching Peter Jennings announce the new millennium

kuangalia Peter Jennings akitangaza milenia mpya

again

tena

and again

na tena

and again.

na tena.

I had been duped,

Nilikua nimedanganywa,

hoodwinked,

nimedhulumiwa,

bamboozled.

nimepumbazwa.

But this time, the false savior was me.

Lakini wakati huu, mkombozi wa uongo alikua mimi.

You see, I've come a long way from that altar

Unaona, nimepita njia ndefu kutoka madhabahuni

on the night I thought the world would end,

usiku niliodhani dunia ingeisha,

from a world where people spoke in tongues

kwenye dunia ambayo watu wananena kwa lugha

na kuona mateso kama kama tendo la lazima la Mungu

and saw suffering as a necessary act of God

and took a text to be infallible truth.

kuchukua nakala kua ukweli usio na dosari.

Yes, I've come so far

Ndio, nimetoka mbali sana

that I'm right back where I started.

mpaka nimerudi pale nilipoanzia.

Because it simply is not true to say

Kwa sababu sio tu kweli kusema

that we live in an age of disbelief --

kua tunaishi wakati wa kutoamini --

no, we believe today just as much as any time that came before.

hapana, tunaamini leo kama tu wakati wowote uliokuja kabla

Some of us may believe in the prophecy of Brené Brown

Baadhi yetu wangeamini kwenye unabii wa Brene Brown

or Tony Robbins.

au Tony Robbins.

We may believe in the bible of The New Yorker

Tunaweza kuamini Biblia ya The New Yorker

or the Harvard Business Review.

au ya Harvard Business Review.

We may believe most deeply

Tungeamini kwa kina zaidi

when we worship right here at the church of TED,

tunapoabudu hapa hapa kwenye kanisa la TED,

but we desperately want to believe,

lakini tunataka sana kuamini,

we need to believe.

tunahitaji kuamini.

We speak in the tongues of charismatic leaders

Tunaongea kwa lugha za viongozi wa karismatik

that promise to solve all our problems.

wanaoahidi kutatua matatizo yetu yote.

We see suffering as a necessary act of the capitalism that is our god,

Tunaona mateso kama tendo muhimu la ubepari ambao ni mungu wetu,

we take the text of technological progress

tunachukua nakala za maendeleo ya teknolojia

to be infallible truth.

kuwa ukweli usio na dosari.

And we hardly realize the human price we pay

Na ni vigumu kugundua bei ya binadamu tunayolipa

when we fail to question one brick,

tunaposhindwa kuuliza tofali moja,

because we fear it might shake our whole foundation.

kwa sababu tunahofu litatikisa msingi wetu wote.

But if you are disturbed

Lakini kama unasumbuliwa

by the unconscionable things that we have come to accept,

na vitu visivyo na busara ambavyo tumekuja kukubali,

then it must be questioning time.

basi inakua mda wa kuuliza maswali.

So I have not a gospel of disruption or innovation

Hivyo sina hapa injili ya uvunjaji au uvumbuzi

or a triple bottom line.

au hatima ya mara ya tatu.

I do not have a gospel of faith to share with you today, in fact.

Sina hapa injili ya imani kuwashirikisha leo, kwa kweli.

I have and I offer a gospel of doubt.

Ninayo na ninatoa injili ya mashaka.

The gospel of doubt does not ask that you stop believing,

Injili ya mashaka haikuombi kua uache kuamini,

it asks that you believe a new thing:

inaomba kua uamini kitu kipya:

that it is possible not to believe.

ambacho kinawezekana kutokuamini.

It is possible the answers we have are wrong,

Inawezekana majibu tuliyonayo yamekosewa.

it is possible the questions themselves are wrong.

Inawezekana maswali yenyewe yamekosewa.

Yes, the gospel of doubt means that it is possible that we,

Ndio, injili ya mashaka inamaanisha kua inawezekana kua sisi,

on this stage, in this room,

kwenye jukwaa hili, kwenye chumba hiki,

are wrong.

tumekosea.

Because it raises the question, "Why?"

Kwa sababu inaleta swali, "Kwanini?"

With all the power that we hold in our hands,

Na nguvu zote tulizonazo mikononi mwetu,

why are people still suffering so bad?

kwanini watu bado wanateseka vibaya sana?

This doubt leads me to share that we are putting my organization,

Haya mashaka yananipeleka mimi kuwashirikisha kua tunaweka shirika letu,

MBAs Across America,

MBAs Kupitia Marekani,

out of business.

nje ya biashara.

We have shed our staff and closed our doors

Tumeondoa wafanyakazi wetu na kufunga milango yetu

and we will share our model freely

na tutashirikisha muundo wetu bure

with anyone who sees their power to do this work

na yeyote atakaeona nguvu zao kufanya hii kazi

without waiting for our permission.

bila kungoja ruhusa yetu.

This doubt compels me

Haya mashaka yananilazimisha

to renounce the role of savior

kukataa jukumu la mkombozi

that some have placed on me,

ambao baadhi wameniwekea,

because our time is too short and our odds are too long

kwa sababu mda wetu ni mfupi sana na bahati zetu ni ndefu sana

to wait for second comings,

kungojea ujio za pili,

when the truth is that there will be no miracles here.

wakati ukweli ni kua hakutakua na miujiza hapa.

And this doubt, it fuels me,

Na haya mashaka, yananichochea,

it gives me hope

inanipa matumaini

that when our troubles overwhelm us,

kua pale matatizo yanapotuzidia,

when the paths laid out for us seem to lead to our demise,

pale njia zilizowekwa kwa ajili yetu kuonekana zinatupeleka kwenye kifo chetu,

when our healers bring no comfort to our wounds,

pale waponyaji wetu wasipoleta faraja kwenye majeraha yetu,

it will not be our blind faith --

haitakua imani yetu yenye upofu --

no, it will be our humble doubt

hapana, itakua mashaka yetu nyenyekevu

that shines a little light into the darkness of our lives

yatakayoangaza mwanga kidogo kwenye giza la maisha yetu

and of our world

na la dunia yetu

and lets us raise our voice to whisper

na kuturuhusu kunyenyua sauti yetu kunong'oneza

or to shout

au kupiga kelele

or to say simply,

au kusema tu,

very simply,

kawaida sana,

"There must be another way."

"Lazima kuwe na njia nyingine."

Thank you.

Asanteni.

(Applause)

(Makofi)