A mother and son's photographic journey through dementia | Tony Luciani

Prevodilac: Dragana Savanovic Lektor: Ivana Krivokuća

When my 91-year-old mother, Elia, moved in with me,

Kada se moja 91-godišnja majka, Elija, uselila kod mene,

I thought I was doing her a service.

mislio sam da joj činim uslugu.

In fact, it was the other way around.

U stvari, bilo je obrnuto.

You see, Mom was having issues with memory loss and accepting her age.

Vidite, mama je imala probleme sa gubitkom pamćenja

i prihvatanjem godina.

She looked defeated.

Izgledala je poraženo.

I tried to make her as comfortable as possible,

Pokušao sam da učinim da joj bude što udobnije,

but when I was at my easel, painting,

ali dok sam bio za štafelajem, slikajući,

I would peek over and see her just ... there.

provirio bih preko njega i prosto je video „tamo“.

She'd be staring at nothing in particular.

Zurila bi u nešto neodređeno.

I'd watch her slowly climb the stairs,

Gledao bih je dok se polako penje uz stepenice,

and she wasn't the mom I grew up with.

i to nije bila mama uz koju sam odrastao.

I saw, instead, a frail,

Umesto nje, video sam krhku,

tiny, old woman.

sićušnu staricu.

A few weeks went by, and I needed a break from my painting.

Nakon nekoliko nedelja, trebao mi je odmor od slikanja.

I wanted to play with the new camera I had just bought.

Hteo sam da se igram sa novim foto-aparatom koji sam kupio.

I was excited -- it had all sorts of dials,

Bio sam uzbuđen - imao je razne opcije,

buttons and settings I wanted to learn,

dugmiće i podešavanja koje sam hteo da isprobam,

so I set up my tripod facing this large mirror,

pa sam namestio stalak naspram velikog ogledala,

blocking the doorway to the only bathroom in the house.

blokirajući ulaz u jedino kupatilo u kući.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

After a while, I hear,

Posle izvesnog vremena, čujem:

(Imitating Italian accent) "I need to use the washroom."

(Sa italijanskim naglaskom) „Moram da idem u toalet.“

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

"Five minutes, Mom. I need to do this."

„Pet minuta, mama. Moram ovo da završim.“

15 minutes later, and I hear, again,

Petnaest minuta kasnije, čujem ponovo:

"I need to use the washroom."

„Moram da koristim toalet“.

"Five more minutes."

„Za pet minuta“.

Then this happened.

Onda se desilo ovo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

And this.

I ovo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

And then, this.

A zatim, ovo.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I had my "aha!" moment.

Imao sam svoj „aha“ trenutak.

We connected.

Povezali smo se.

We had something tangible we could do together.

Imali smo nešto opipljivo što možemo da radimo zajedno.

My mom was born in a small mountain village in central Italy,

Moja majka je rođena u malom planinskom selu u centralnoj Italiji,

where her parents had land and sheep.

gde su njeni roditelji imali zemlju i ovce.

At a young age, her father died of pneumonia,

Kao mlad, njen otac je umro od upale pluća,

leaving his wife and two daughters alone with all the heavy chores.

ostavivši same ženu i dve kćerke sa svim teškim poslovima.

They found that they couldn't cope.

Shvatile su da ne mogu da se nose s tim.

So a very hard decision was made.

Pa su donele jako tešku odluku.

Mom, the oldest, at 13,

Majku su, kao najstariju, sa 13 godina,

was married off to a complete stranger twice her age.

udali za potpunog stranca duplo starijeg od nje.

She went from being just a kid and was pushed into adulthood.

Iz detinjstva su je gurnuli u zrelo doba.

Mom had her first child when she was only 16.

Majka je rodila svoje prvo dete sa samo 16 godina.

Years later, and now living in Toronto,

Godinama kasnije, živeći u Torontu,

Mom got work in a clothing factory

majka je dobila posao u fabrici odeće

and soon became manager of a very large sewing department.

i uskoro postala menadžer jako velikog odeljenja za šivenje.

And because it was full of immigrant workers,

A pošto je bilo puno radnika imigranata,

Mom taught herself words from translation books.

mama je učila reči iz knjiga za prevođenje.

She then practiced them in French, Greek, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish,

Zatim ih je uvežbavala na francuskom, grčkom, španskom, portugalskom, danskom,

Polish, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian, all around the house.

poljskom, ruskom, rumunskom, mađarskom, po čitavoj kući.

I was in awe of her focus and determination to succeed

Divio sam se njenom fokusu i odlučnosti da uspe

at whatever she loved to do.

u svemu što je volela da radi.

After that bathroom "aha!" moment,

Nakon onog „aha“ trenutka u kupatilu,

I practiced my newfound camera skills with Mom as portrait model.

vežbao sam svoje novostečene veštine sa aparatom dok je mama pozirala.

Through all of this, she talked, and I listened.

Tokom celog tog procesa, ona je pričala, a ja slušao.

She'd tell me about her early childhood and how she was feeling now.

Pričala bi mi o svom ranom detinjstvu i kako se trenutno oseća.

We had each other's attention.

Imali smo pažnju jedno drugog.

Mom was losing her short-term memory,

Mama je gubila kratkoročno pamćenje,

but was better recalling her younger years.

ali se bolje sećala svojih mlađih godina.

I'd ask, and she would tell me stories.

Pitao bih je, a ona bi mi pričala priče.

I listened, and I was her audience.

Slušao sam, i bio njena publika.

I got ideas.

Dobio sam ideje.

I wrote them down, and I sketched them out.

Zapisao sam ih i skicirao.

I showed her what to do by acting out the scenarios myself.

Pokazao sam joj šta da radi tako što bih odglumio.

We would then stage them.

Zatim bismo to izvodili.

So she posed, and I learned more about photography.

Ona je pozirala, a ja sam učio više o fotografiji.

Mom loved the process, the acting.

Mama je obožavala taj proces, glumu.

She felt worthy again, she felt wanted and needed.

Ponovo se osećala dostojno, željeno i potrebno.

And she certainly wasn't camera-shy.

I definitivno se nije stidela kamere.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Mom laughed hysterically at this one.

Mama se histerično smejala ovoj.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

The idea for this image came from an old German film I'd seen,

Ideju za ovu fotografiju sam dobio iz starog nemačkog filma koji sam gledao,

about a submarine, called "Das Boot."

o podmornici, „Das Boot“.

As you can see, what I got instead looked more like "E.T."

Kao što vidite, ono što sam dobio više je ličilo na „E.T-ja“.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

So I put this image aside, thinking it was a total failure,

Tako da sam sklonio ovu fotografiju, misleći da je totalni promašaj,

because it didn't reach my particular vision.

jer nije odgovarala mojoj viziji.

But Mom laughed so hard,

Ali mama se tako jako smejala,

I eventually, for fun, decided to post it online anyway.

da sam na kraju, iz zabave, ipak odlučio da je postavim na internet.

It got an incredible amount of attention.

Dobila je neverovatno mnogo pažnje.

Now, with any Alzheimer's, dementia,

E sad, kod Alchajmera, demencije,

there's a certain amount of frustration and sadness

postoji određena količina frustracije i tuge

for everyone involved.

za svoje koji su uključeni.

This is Mom's silent scream.

Ovo je mamin tihi vrisak.

Her words to me one day were,

Jednog dana me je pitala:

"Why is my head so full of things to say,

„Zašto je moja glava prepuna stvari koje bih rekla,

but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?"

ali pre nego što one dosegnu usta, zaboravim koje su?“

"Why is my head so full of things to say,

„Zašto je moja glava prepuna stvari koje bih rekla,

but before they reach my mouth, I forget what they are?"

ali pre nego što one dosegnu usta, zaboravim koje su?“

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

Now, as full-time care partner and full-time painter,

Kao stalni negovatelj i slikar,

I had my frustrations too.

i ja sam imao svojih frustracija.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

But to balance off all the difficulties, we played.

Kako bismo izbalansirali sve poteškoće, igrali smo se.

That was Mom's happy place.

To je mamu činilo srećnom.

And I needed her to be there, too.

A i ja sam hteo da bude srećna.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

Now, Mom was also preoccupied with aging.

Takođe, mama je bila zabrinuta starenjem.

She would say, "How did I get so old, so fast?"

Govorila bi: „Kako sam tako brzo toliko ostarila?“

(Audience sighs)

(Uzdasi publike)

"So old."

„Toliko ostarila“.

"So fast."

„Tako brzo“.

I also got Mom to model for my oil paintings.

Mama mi je, takođe, pozirala za moja ulja na platnu.

This painting is called "The Dressmaker."

Ova slika se zove „Krojačica“.

I remember, as a kid,

Kao dete se sećam

Mom sewing clothes for the whole family

da je mama šila odeću za celu porodicu

on this massive, heavy sewing machine

na jednoj masivnoj, velikoj šivaćoj mašini

that was bolted to the floor in the basement.

pričvršćenoj za pod u podrumu.

Many nights, I would go downstairs and bring my schoolwork with me.

Mnogo puta, sišao bih dole sa domaćim zadatkom.

I would sit behind her in this overstuffed chair.

Seo bih iza nje na jednu pretrpanu stolicu.

The low hum of the huge motor and the repetitive stitching sounds

Tihi zvuk velikog motora i ponavljajući zvuci šivenja

were comforting to me.

su mi prijali.

When Mom moved into my house,

Kada se mama doselila kod mene,

I saved this machine and stored it in my studio for safekeeping.

sačuvao sam tu mašinu u svom studiju da bih je imao na sigurnom.

This painting brought me back to my childhood.

Ova slika me je vratila u detinjstvo.

The interesting part

Ono što je interesantno

was that it was now Mom, sitting behind me,

je da je sada mama sedela iza mene,

watching me paint her

gledajući me kako je slikam

working on that very same machine she sewed at

dok šije na istoj onoj mašini na kojoj je šila

when I sat behind her, watching her sew,

kada sam ja sedeo iza nje i gledao je,

50 years earlier.

50 godina ranije.

I also gave Mom a project to do, to keep her busy and thinking.

Mami sam takođe dao projekat, da joj zaokupim misli.

I provided her with a small camera

Dao sam joj mali foto-aparat

and asked her to take at least 10 pictures a day of anything she wanted.

i tražio da svaki dan napravi bar 10 fotografija čega god je htela.

These are Mom's photographs.

Ovo su mamine fotografije.

She's never held a camera in her life before this.

Pre ovoga, nikada u životu nije držala foto-aparat u rukama.

She was 93.

Imala je 93 godine.

We would sit down together and talk about our work.

Seli bismo i pričali o našim radovima.

I would try to explain

Pokušao bih da objasnim

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

how and why I did them,

kako i zašto sam ih napravio,

the meaning, the feeling, why they were relevant.

značenje, osećaj, zašto su važne.

Mom, on the other hand, would just bluntly say,

Mama bi, s druge strane, samo tupo govorila:

"sì,"

„da“,

"no,"

„ne“,

"bella" or "bruta."

„lepo“ ili „ružno“.

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

I watched her facial expressions.

Posmatrao sam izraze njenog lica.

She always had the last say, with words or without.

Njena reč je uvek bila poslednja, sa rečima ili bez.

This voyage of discovery hasn't ended with Mom.

Ovaj put otkrivanja nije se završio sa mamom.

She is now in an assisted living residence,

Ona je sada u staračkom domu,

a 10-minute walk away from my home.

10 minuta peške od mog doma.

I visit her every other day.

Posećujem je svaki drugi dan.

Her dementia had gotten to the point

Njena demencija je dovela do toga

where it was unsafe for her to be in my house.

da nije bezbedno za nju da bude kod mene.

It has a lot of stairs.

Jer ima mnogo stepenica.

She doesn't know my name anymore.

Više ne zna moje ime.

(Voice breaking) But you know what? That's OK.

(Glas puca) Ali znate šta? To je u redu.

She still recognizes my face

Još uvek me prepoznaje

and always has a big smile when she sees me.

i uvek ima veliki osmeh kada me vidi.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

(Applause ends)

(Kraj aplauza)

I don't take pictures of her anymore.

Više je ne fotografišem.

That wouldn't be fair or ethical on my part.

To ne bi bilo fer ili etično od mene.

And she wouldn't understand the reasons for doing them.

I ne bi razumela zašto je fotografišem.

My father,

Moj otac,

my brother,

brat,

(Voice breaking) my nephew,

(Glas puca) moj nećak,

my partner and my best friend,

moj partner i moj najbolji prijatelj,

all passed away suddenly.

svi su iznenada preminuli.

And I didn't have the chance

I nisam imao priliku

to tell them how much I appreciated and loved them.

da im kažem koliko ih cenim i volim.

With Mom, I need to be there

Sa mamom, moram da budem prisutan

and make it a very long goodbye.

i da se nadugačko oprostim.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

(Applause ends)

(Kraj aplauza)

For me, it's about being present and really listening.

Za mene, važno je biti prisutan i zaista slušati.

Dependents want to feel a part of something, anything.

Oni koji zavise od drugih žele da se osećaju kao deo nečega, bilo čega.

It doesn't need to be something exceptionally profound that's shared --

Ne morate deliti nešto izuzetno duboko -

it could be as simple as walks together.

to može biti prosto kao zajedničke šetnje.

Give them a voice

Dajte im osećaj

of interaction, participation,

interakcije, učestvovanja,

and a feeling of belonging.

i osećaj pripadanja.

Make the time meaningful.

Učinite vreme značajnim.

Life, it's about wanting to live

Život čini želja za životom,

and not waiting to die.

a ne čekanje na smrt.

(Applause)

(Aplauz)

(Applause ends)

(Kraj aplauza)

Can I get a wave and a smile from everyone, please?

Da li biste svi mogli da mahnete i nasmejete se, molim vas?

(Laughter)

(Smeh)

This is for you, Mom.

Ovo je za tebe, mama.

(Camera clicks)

(Zvuk foto-aparata)

(Applause)

(Aplauz)